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marshmallowprotection · 2 years

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Day 3: Carnation (Striped) [The Garden of Obsession]

The Garden of Obsession is a week-long event where you can explore a side of Saeran Choi as the world caves in around him.

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Day 3: CARNATION (STRIPED) - Wishing to be Yours [Suit Saeran]

Saeran could say with certainty that he was tired of waiting around for you to figure everything out. It was trying, tedious, and frustrating. You were such an airhead. There was no help for someone like you. Sometimes he wondered why he even bothered wasting his time on this weak person that you were. It was a waste of time. Yet, you were so easy to sway and control as he liked, that it almost made it worth the headache. Almost.

There was just something about you that rubbed him the wrong way. Oh, like those eyes of yours that never seemed to obey. He hated them. He hated the sight of them. He hated the way that he felt whenever you looked at him. He despised the way you refused to quiver and cry out when he pinned your back against the wall. You wouldn’t go down as he wanted, and it was making him have a lot more work than he needed to have. He was a busy man and you were meant to be just a toy for his amusement and nothing more.

Any time wasted on coddling you or training you weren’t worth the effort. You should’ve learned right away what was expected of you and bowed your head in gratitude knowing that he was the only thing standing between you and early death. It wouldn’t be long before they got rid of such a pest if he wasn’t in charge of you. If the Savior had to watch you, she would’ve waved her hand and been rid of you ages ago when you tried to manipulate and coddle Ray into believing something wrong. You tried to go against power. It wasn’t a surprise that you were stuck in that toy box now.

That was exactly why he decided that you weren’t good enough for the messenger. You weren’t even good enough to follow his orders and he did not doubt in his mind that you were going to cry and plead for them to rescue you instead of doing what you were required to do the second that you thought there was an opening.

You’d try to run away from Mint Eye, and really, what did that say about you? Saeran knew that if you made a run for the outside, you would prove to be exactly what he’d always tried to warn Ray of. Everyone in the outside world was all the same. There was no difference. Every person out there did the same thing. They were people that would fill your head with hopes and lies and then they’d crush it into a million pieces, laughing as you were played for a fool at their expense.

You’d be no different than their mother, the liar, or the traitor. They all said one thing and then abandoned them to rot. What good were you? You would say something and then go against all those promises that you had made. You would prove this to be true sooner or later, and he knew that you would. Everyone that he’d ever met had this same mentality. They spent so much time thinking that they were doing something for the sake of good and harmony, but what they wanted was to make themselves feel better before they acted on their selfish desires.

Why would you be any different?

What reason would you have to claim that you weren’t like the rest of them?

There was nothing about you that said that you would be different. You floated lies into Ray’s head and made him believe in something that he could never be. You wanted to build him up so you wouldn’t feel bad when you crushed him. Well, too damn bad, he thought. He woke up so that wouldn’t happen. He woke up because the Savior knew that Ray would never be strong enough to get rid of you before you broke him.

Saeran could, though. He knew when enough was enough and he knew how to never be tricked by the likes of you people. He knew how to crush insubordination when it began to rise. He had learned how to survive in Mint Eye the way that he needed, and that was by being better than all of the rest. He was born to be the strongest and that was what he was. He destroyed keyboards to ensure that nobody broke his codes with how fast he was and he triple-locked every line he coded with a series of long strings of letters and numbers.

Never one to fail in every area, he also made sure that the believers were rightfully terrified of him and what he was capable of. He’d remind them, destroying their things and leering over the crowd with a glimmer of amusement in his eyes. They bowed their heads to him every time they swiftly realized that he was the Savior’s right hand and that they’d never win if they dared to turn against the strongest of them all. He was meant to be someone that they should respect and obey at any time he waved his hand.

Except, you were the only one that wouldn’t listen to those orders when he demanded them. You were the one that person that dared to think twice and wouldn’t give him what he wanted. So, he decided that the best way to break you was to take away everything that you had. You didn’t get to have nice things anymore. You got that prince/ss room to remember that Ray was gone forever and nothing else. You didn’t get the RFA, you didn’t get Ray, and you certainly weren’t getting the royalty treatment anymore. You got what you deserved and that was nothing.

It could’ve been so different you simply listened to him but you never did that. You never knew when to give up and accept when you were defeated. That was a trait that got people killed in a place like this and your lack of fire and anger made him even more upset. You wouldn’t turn out and prove the theory of paradise. You wouldn’t scream and shout at him with anger in your eyes as they all did. You wouldn’t prove his theory. You wouldn’t scream and tell him that he was a waste of space to prove it.

If you would’ve obeyed him, it would’ve been easier, but since you had a fight left inside of you, he thought that perhaps he could use that to prove to Ray what you truly were. You were… you’d become a nuisance. You wouldn’t crack and show him your venom and you wouldn’t give him a single ounce of relief from the numbness he felt after spending hours destroying everything those bastards held dear. He was irritated, tired, and in need of some fun. But you were the last thing he had from fun, now, weren’t you?

Where was the fun if you couldn’t even give him that much?

What a chore. What a joke. What a miserable little toy that didn’t even know how to be grateful for their standing in paradise.

Surely it wasn’t going to be found anywhere near you. Still, he had ownership over you and that meant that he could do anything he wanted. If he was going to go to the trouble of dealing with what little you gave back to him, he was, at least, going to push your buttons enough so that he could amuse himself. He deserved that much after having to deal with you in the first place. He assumed that he got something out of it by reminding Ray if he was still kicking around in the back of their shared mind, that he could never have what he wanted… he was never good enough and he was stupid for thinking otherwise.

When he came to your room, you were just sitting at the table and staring at the wall. There was nothing else that you could do. He clicked his tongue and kicked the door shut behind him as he stormed into the room. He slapped his hand against the table in front of you expecting to see you flinch, but you didn’t. You turned your head to look at him, “Ah, you’re back, Saeran. I thought you said last time that you weren’t going to come back. Change your mind?”

“As if it’s any of your business,” he retorted.

There was a brief pause before you said, “Well, are you okay, then?”

That was enough to make Saeran laugh. Who did you think you were, anyway? You hadn’t been sleeping nor had you been eating any food that was given to you once a day. You looked like you had been put through a wringer and if it weren’t for the fact that you had a bathroom connected to this suite, you would be even more of a mess than you were right now. You weren’t going to win using the same tactics on him that you had used on Ray. He wasn’t the toy, you were. You were the toy.

“How dare you try to use that same old bullshit on me! Who do you think you are? Who do you think you fucking are, toy? Do you think you’re a saint? Do you think you’re the Savior? Do you think that you can make me believe in all that power of love bullshit?! Do you think that you can get under my skin and make me believe in your lies? Don’t you dare look me in the eyes again with that false sympathy of yours or I’ll chew your head off and spit you out for dinner!”

“...!”

He noticed hesitancy this time. He saw the way that your eyes longed for something, and then you said it, “Ray, please, come back,” you uttered. Something about the way that you begged for Ray to come back made his blood boil. When were you going to understand that Ray wasn’t ever going to come back so that you could manipulate his heart again? You could beg and scream all you wanted for Ray but Ray wasn’t going to come back.

He shoved the sides of your chair back and you stumbled to the ground. The most response that you made was an audible yelp. You rolled over and brushed the hair from your face, and while he expected there to be tears in your eyes and a broken soul, there wasn’t. You seemed to expect he was going to do that. It made him angry again. He was fuming. If his trigger was about as thin as a hairpin then so be it, but you were the reason that it was. You were the one that pulled it and let him unleash the fury he was holding onto.

Saeran seethed, his blood boiling as the red rose from his neck to his face. You could tell from the way his breath grew deeper and deeper that he was likely on the brink of screaming at you at last, but this time… he let the anger fester inside of him. There was something about the way that those ugly eyes of yours screamed out for Ray that made him feel the ugly greens of jealousy coil in his chest.

How dare you speak of Ray in front of him, anyway? Saeran was your one and only. Ray didn’t matter anymore. Ray was dead! Ray was gone! He was your master and commander. He was the one that decided your fate and you needed to beg and plead for him. You didn’t need to beg for Ray. You needed to beg for Saeran over and over again until it became a broken record on your lips. Maybe he would’ve tolerated you if you could use his fucking name. Maybe if you could’ve looked at him like he was your God!

But, no! You grit your teeth and continue to cry out for the moron over and over again. This wasn’t what he wanted from you. He wanted you to break down and accept your reality. If you could do that, this would be so much easier to contend with. He wasn’t sure what he hated more, when you didn’t respond to him or when you pleaded for Ray. Both of those things just made him want to burn this place to the ground. Why was he getting so worked in the first place? Why was he so angry that you wouldn’t understand?

That was more of a response than he’d been getting, though. He needed you to respond and cry out. He needed you to prove that everything he was doing was right for his strength. As long as you were crying out in pain, then he would be able to survive in this living hell. It was a hell where all the demons and monsters were real, but as long as he was the biggest devil, then this was his kingdom to rule. You needed to be crushed under his heel until you learned your place in the world.

Or, wait…

Suddenly, Saeran straightened up and left you reeling in the dust. You could be destroyed right now but he had a better idea. He had a better idea that would break you beyond repair but you needed to be put into timeout for now. He stuck to his word on that, too. You were left alone in that room for five days straight. There was nothing for you to do but think about your words and everything that you’d done… but he knew just what you needed and this was it. If you weren’t going to learn the easy way, he was going to do it his way.

That’s why when he donned the magenta coat and entered the room, he wasn’t surprised to see the way you nearly salivated at the sight of him. You wanted that marshmallow. You never had wanted him. It was disgustingly pathetic but the way that you stumbled all over yourself and let yourself leap at him without even thinking about what it meant to see someone wearing a damn outfit like this. Did you think a simple outfit change meant that your precious little bug had come back to you? Man, you didn’t even love Ray, did you?

You even looked for him to comfort you. Your words weren’t making sense as you tumbled over every word as if it was your last, “Ray! I was so worried about you! I thought that you may not ever come back… Saeran… Saeran… he’s been torturing me. I didn’t know what to do about him and I… I wanted you back so badly. I missed you. I wish I knew what I was doing or how to… I’m sorry, Ray. I need you.”

That’s all Saeran needed to hear out of you. He knew the truth hidden in your ugliness. The look on his face darkened as he gripped your arms tightly and you nearly shuddered, lifting your head back to look at him. You seemed so lost and confused. “You… You want him to be gone? Is that what it is? Do you want Saeran to be gone for good so that we can be together? You want the mean Saeran to go away so your prince can save you?”

Unconsciously, or rather, consciously, as you allowed yourself to admit exactly what he expected from your lips, he found himself angry to realize the truth he always knew. You didn’t have the gall to say it aloud but he knew. He knew the truth that you admitted. You hated him and you’d wanted Ray back. For some reason, that was the end for him. The burning vinegar at the back of his throat hissed at him. He dressed up as Ray to test you and you had failed. You failed the little game so horribly.

He was so frantic that he felt like he was going to laugh and cry. What was wrong with him? No, no, no! What was wrong with you?! This was all your fault!

“Good,” he spat right in your face as you cried out in pain. “I’m glad that I can finally see the disgusting look in your eyes! I always knew what you were… and I’m glad we’re getting it out in the open! I knew I’d get the truth out of you if I played pretend! Hahahaha! You can’t even tell that I’m not Ray! You never even loved him! You were playing us from the start, huh?! You looked at me with those ugly eyes and believed with all your heart that I was your disgusting, pathetic, weak, and cowardly Ray! What do you know?!”

In his fit of anger, Saeran shoved you back and you stumbled into the table. The pot of flowers that were there from when Ray changed it tumbled to the ground. Oh, the striped carnations that pooled around your feet in a shattered vase spoke volumes. He seethed at the sight of them as it almost mocked him. It mocked him for thinking for a single moment that you’d give him a game to play that would somehow… prove that his assumptions were wrong. Some part of him wanted to see you stare at him with those ugly eyes and plead for Saeran to be yours.

But, you didn’t.

You loved Ray and Ray alone.

You never cared for Saeran.

What a pity.

Now, you’d pay for it.

Even though you were struggling, you looked back at him, almost in a daze. It seemed like you wanted to keep playing pretend. Saeran wasn’t sure if he imagined it or not, but you seemed to smile. Were you that sick in the head? Did you want him to…NO! He snapped, thinking of every cruel thing that he could ever say to your face. He had been holding back for this long but now that you had said those ugly words about him without saying them aloud, he knew that he had to do.

He clenched his fists at his side as he cornered you again, looming in your face as he demanded every word to come out, “Don’t tell me you’re enjoying this right now, toy! Who told you… you were allowed to enjoy anything?! Oh, you want to play pretend? Do you want to pretend I’m him? Well, well, well, then give me your fucking phone. Do you want to know the truth about how Ray feels? You’re useless! You’re an airhead! You don’t deserve anything and the only reason I ever humored you was that you pitied me like a stray dog! I didn’t even love you! I only wanted you because you were the only person that was stupid enough to agree to my trap, you moron!”

The air remained tense as his words permeated your soul. It seemed to cut through you like a knife as you stare at him. There was terror in those eyes for the briefest of moments but it did nothing to stop the storm on the horizon. But it didn’t last for very long. The image of Ray in your room screaming such putrid things was too much for your fragile heart. It was too much for you to stomach. You were just as weak as they came and he didn’t care what explanation you had for why you agreed to hate him.

He just knew you hated him… and he hated you for hating him.

And just like that, your eyes went dull and dead. You went limp and lifeless at his hand and sank into the chair with a thud. You were conscious but there was nothing else. All of those ugly words had broken deep into your mind, and he had gotten what he wanted. You were broken and you deserved it. You shattered his heart and now you would pay for it. Hearing those words from your precious Ray… hearing the poison in his words… Yes, that’s what broke you. You hadn’t a single hope left.

You cracked… you were just a broken puppet who couldn’t handle the tangled strings from their master. You paid for it… you paid for it… his chest was tightened the longer that he had to look at that shattered face of yours. He didn’t know what he was feeling, but it was something that’d felt like…

His breathing was heavy as he loomed over you, seeming to understand what happened to you as you crumbled in front of him, “That’s… that’s what you deserve… lifeless… dead eyes… you can’t hurt me or get under my skin if you’re dead inside… that’s what you deserve… You’re just a toy… a weak… pathetic… miserable little toy… nothing else… nothing else ever… just a toy… a toy.”

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