#Sometimes the imagery is different and inspires! I've had several times where I'll read and then draw | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

vargaslovinghours · 7 months

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The unusual but no less hard-hitting 10½! (1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9)

So as it turns out, I did so many Blank Slate/Have you lost your mind? doodles that I ComPletely broke the last sketchdump lol, so it gets it’s own! Who could’ve figured that making basically a full comic of Chapters 2 and 3 would’ve made just a few too many sketches lol

Because of that, I’d strongly recommend reading what I've posted of Have you lost your mind? so far before this! Spoilers and author’s notes/behind the scenes warnings and all that haha

Concept sketch for Scriabin - I always love having visual signifiers to denote timeline/AU/etc. differences so you can tell at a glance where you are :) His silhouette gets to be correct! The details, well, sorry we forgot those ♪

And concepts for Edgar! I've drawn him in different glasses before so it was a bit of an excuse, using these new/old glasses to do so again haha

But in the end I went for a reference! Remember when I drew Edgar's glasses tiny?

And I mean, if he hadn't worn them in a while, maybe they're just a bit small on him! Lol

Poor memory-less Edgar's musings, it's not just sad to be forgotten, it's sad to forget :(

Early concept of Scriabin freaking out by himself in the bedroom. I'm glad I got to keep it :D

Always gotta draw 'em reacting to something just out of frame

Poor Scriabin, he wants to be close despite knowing Edgar doesn't remember him. He has to face this whole Being Human thing completely alone! Edgar just doesn't understand!

He doesn't know how good he's got it haha, if I was really mean I'd have let him keep his glasses instead. There's a bunch of fun themes either way, but stealing from Edgar while hiding in his own hair is as good as any hehe <3

Blank-faced Edgar, I ended up with a lot of these, unsurprisingly. Doesn't help that he's cute haha

As usual, starting from the middle - it's just easier to get ideas flowing around a core! Also that note pointing at Edgar of "Put Todd to bed" was all the everything of the prep work I did for writing that little section, but the rest Absolutely Needed storyboarding lol

He might come to resent you if you manhandle so much right after meeting for the "first" time

Scriabin actually touches him in the original draft, but after I thought about it, it'd probably take a bit to cross the touch barrier comfortably again! Scriabin's still weird about Edgar but Edgar is wary, it's an interesting dynamic

I won't show off every panel, but panels like these where I think they turned out especially cute Have to be included haha <3 I dunno what it is but Scriabin pouting always turns out adorable ♥

Floof harder! Edgar's innocent expressions ahh <3

Starting to lay the groundwork, but still a bit nervously! It is quite fun how they skirt each other, not quite sure what the other knows - how many lies can Scriabin get away with before he gets caught!

Scriabin using some informed guesswork in conjunction with what he definitely knows, he is rather intelligent :) You can also see Edgar's unfocused eyes well in this one, I tried to draw them fuzzy behind those glasses hehe

These are all lined up like this on the page :D Really happy with his hand expressions here, and his face haha

This was one of my favourite lines - he keeps making excuses for Nny! Edgar no! - I fully admit that it's also partially influenced by how cute Edgar turned out haha, the poor thing - but he's so wonderfully fluffy!

I love this line as well, Scriabin utterly convinced that all his hard work must have gotten through to Edgar somewhere in there, he said it often enough, he must have listened to him at least once-!

And then Edgar completely cuts him off and redirects him haha, they’re both hopeless <3

So mad at himself and Edgar, comedy = pain + time, but this is still fresh! Give yourself some time!

That last line in particular is so insidious because he did that, Scriabin was the one who put him in that situation, and now he’s trying to turn it back around on him! He's the worst ♪

Guilty Edgar <3 Still pressing on (changing the subject so he doesn't have to linger on the feeling hehe), he does have his own questions

These kinds of exchanges were especially fun to look back on from their individual perspectives since I only drew it once, starting with Edgar. How honest can Scriabin really be? He can't explain everything and not be kicked out for being a potential danger to Todd or Edgar! He's gotta play his cards Just So

Edgar is also quite intelligent! Catching Scriabin out in a lie, even when he's trying so hard to skirt the truth!

Scriabin so mad about being called out, gotta rub it in just a little bit that he's Totally Right lol, what a brat <3

Scriabin is legally and morally and emotionally and spiritually obligated to mess with Edgar sexually in literally every iteration of his existence, it is a core tenant of his being and also he really really wants to (lol) ♪ Drawing Edgar all blushed up is just a bonus, who does this stranger think he is! What has he forgotten! He's not some easy man! Haha, if you only (still) knew, Edgar

Whatever he was going to say would just hurt Scriabin's feelings, better to just cut him off before another reminder gets laid out

Probably my least favourite dialogue that I had to change was making "?" into something that flowed better in just-text, it's not the same! Lots of little notes about word choice actually haha. Love them reaching for each other even like this <3

Edgar has all these feelings to contend with! My favourite shot is easily the last one, Scriabin's relaxed mouth while Edgar's heart is beating out of his veins right into his ear ♥

Pls o////ò;

Existence is exhausting

Even without knowing him, he's just a cautious guy :) And he wants to be gentle with him! He doesn't realize what he's doing, what his actions would mean to Scriabin if he could see them, and he does them all the same 💕

Pretty lad <3

Technically backtracking, to Ch. 3! POV shifts are fun lol

Zarla mentioned Scriabin curling up into a ball in the blankets and I thought it was a cute visual haha ♪ Haven't had a use for it yet but never say never hehe

I wanted to go for some high perspective shots to drive home the uncanny feeling of being really truly alone for the first time ever. That, and he's dramatic anyhow haha

His posing was very important to me! Since Edgar knocks on the door while he's still leaned against it, the contact points would Feel a specific way

Scriabin got a lot of「bracket notes」for his section, usually as digs lol, where does Scriabin get off saying that Edgar has no tact haha

More blank-faced Edgar! These were actually drawn separately - could be chalked up to how each of them remember the event! Edgar sees himself as more put-together and Scriabin as more foolish haha ♪

That horrible sinking feeling

I pick on him a lot but this really would be incredibly scary and sad! He's alone, expelled, and the only person who Knows him now doesn't even recognize him! This was probably the one scene I wanted to be just a bit longer, really feel the weight, hmm

But he's also quite resilient haha, he has to be <3 He has enough tenacity, thank goodness haha

One of those examples of panels basically repeating lol, I can only fit so much text per pose! Plus it's fun to see the little body language differences :)

Another bracket note lol, Scriabin has to be the best at everything!

And another, have I mentioned that Kaggie is my favourite of the two? ✨ I'd still like to give both K and D a more sizeable reference sometime! Scriabin continues to be the cutest when he pouts, agh <3

Touchy touchy touch ♥

I do love the phrase "feeling himself" right after the last panel lol - it can be both literal and metaphorical! And that's what you get for not cleaning up after yourself! I swear that lightswitch panel confused me so many times on reviewing notes lol

He's not even careful pfft. Then again if he was, he wouldn't have a mess to grumble about in the first place!

A familiar face while Scriabin's already feeling small on his lonesome, ~it's symbolic~

Ough, it hurts to think that Edgar might actually be able to watch Zeitgeist, not knowing the deeper implications. The thought of him inviting Scriabin to see it! 💔

The most important question, and he hasn't come to a conclusion yet :) I wonder what his answer will be once he stops hiding from it!

Hhhh this has been a really fun AU to write for, I'm glad that I finally put it to words since it had been rolling around in my head since early 2021 - there are so many fun and insidious things to explore! Especially on Scriabin's side, though I still think it's the most fun to be stuck behind Edgar's eyes, an aware audience knowing what Scriabin is up to while Edgar doesn't hehe ♪ Hopefully I'll have some time to return to it after a bit! :D

#💟#Doodles #Art #Sketchdump #Blank Slate AU #Scriabin #Edgar #Hhhhhhhwhy did I make so many of these lol ♪#I finally utilized the method I'd heard about for fic writing of doodling out scenes for visualization #And then it comes back on me like this! Lol #And this still isn't even all of them!#Cough Patreon plug cough cough cough lol #But most of them are featured here :) I was happy with a lot of them! :D #In general as a fic it's been quite easy-going haha #It feels a little ironic to me but it's my in-between fic - since I'm not rereading it's detail-light/non-specific #I guess I'm just thinking of it as a first draft until I reread haha ♪ I'm just sharing it while I'm here! :)#I think it'd be a fun read-along to find which panels go to which scenes hehe #Although I'm also a big advocate for ''seeing'' fics on your own first!#Sometimes the imagery is different and inspires! I've had several times where I'll read and then draw #And /then/ go look at the accompanying art and it's quite different! Translation through medium! :D #So I always recommend getting your thoughts out first haha you can always return later :)#I know I said so already but having at-a-glance differences to show where we're at ah <3 #And that it's to do with both of their glasses! How they see each other but literally! Hehe!#It really is such a fun concept to play in ♪ Similar in some ways to And Also With You #But one-sided! I also really love the trope of ''The one who should know Doesn't''#Oh and did you catch the Loved and Wanted reference? It's subtle haha #Always pulling little things from everywhere >:3c Blink and you miss it fun!#Pls do stick with me if you like it so far :D I have more ideas just you wait ♫

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takecharge · 5 years

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How to Relax - lessons from a person with chronic tension

I have chronic tension problems. My muscles are hardwired to tense up. I also have a chronically keyed up nervous system. And I have chronic pain.

Due to all these issues, I had to learn how to relax. It's literally part of the physical therapy and pain management I've been prescribed. Years ago I learned to relax my muscles. It's still not instinctive but it's something I can do with connection l concentration. And now I'm learning how to calm my nervous system.

I want to stress that while it's nice to approach that techniques with an open mind, these worked for me despite extreme resistance and skepticism at the beginning. I was angry that they were asking me to do this thing that clearly didn't work. And it did. I've had ten years to keep learning and investigating what works for me. Here are some techniques I learned and use - including a simple self hypnosis technique for anyone who can't relax their muscles.

Very important: try to breathe evenly when you do these exercises. Many people hold their breath when they focus on something. This is never helpful, but especially not when you are trying to relax.

How to stand, sit, or lie down feeling grounded:

Start with your face. First release your jaw. Let it go slack. Your upper and bottom teeth should not be touching. Now allow your face to go slack. If you've ever had Novocaine and not been able to feel parts of your face, try to imagine that feeling.

When standing or sitting:

Release your shoulders. That doesn't mean push them down. If you feel that you are doing any work to do this raise your arms to the ceiling and then let them swing down. When your arms fall you'll have a moment where your shoulders feel supported by by your skeleton alone. That's the sweet spot. You can also try raising and lowering your shoulders to feel it. This may take practice. It took having a teacher watch me and call me on pressing my shoulders down to make them look relaxed.

Your posture at this point won't feel elegant or proud. Instead it should feel like something has eased. You are letting gravity pull on you and relying on your skeleton to hold you up.

Seated, standing or sitting:

Imagine the your body's weight being taken up more and more each moment by the chair or the floor.

Now release your belly. Don't jut it out, but if you've tucked it under or sucked it in, let it go. This may feel really strange. Most of the readers this will reach have been taught to hide and hate their bellies. You might not realize you've internalized this, but try to enjoy the feeling of letting your belly swell and contract as you are breathing. Place your hands on your belly and feel the movement.

This movement happens because your diaphragm pushes your organs out of the way so your lungs can expand down. Every breath you take requires a rearrangement of your squishy parts. That's pretty amazing. So allowing your belly to swell when you breathe is important. It allows your lungs to fill up.

If you had any negative thoughts about your belly during this exercise, try to take some time to marvel at what's happening beneath it. Learning to stop hating your body actually really helps you relax it, more on that below.

If you are standing give your knees a gentle bend. Now focus on any place you are feeling ease. Maybe most of your body hurts and it's just in your face, or your shoulders, or your belly. Maybe it's the tip of your finger resting on your belly. Focus on that sense of ease. Bring to mind other times you have felt ease if you can.

Check in with your face, your shoulders, your belly. Anything that is resting on another surface, imagine it's melting into the surface. The bed, the floor, the chair, allow them to take up your weight.

Just ride the breath, and try not to get discouraged if the breath feels ragged, or too fast. Ride it with a sense of ease.

Advanced Relaxation - Physiological Quieting

What I like about this technique is that it works for some who can't relax your muscles on command. Now I'm not promising 100% relaxation, everyone's body is different, but I find this works for me better than Progressive Relaxation.

You'll want to do this lying down with your knees, lower back and neck supported if that helps you feel comfortable. I recommend doing it in a bed or recliner.

You can start from your head or your toes, feel free to mix it up. Systematically bring to mind muscle groups in your body, your feet, your lower leg, and so on. As you do, repeat in your mind, "My foot is warm, my foot is heavy, my foot is very relaxed." I'd recommend saying this at least 3 times but feel free to say it more often if you aren't feeling that muscle group relax.

Parasympathetic 2 to 1 breathing

If you are dealing with general anxiousness and the exercise of riding the breath is just frustrating, there is a more specific breathing exercise that can help. Your body breathes quickly when you are anxious, it's the fight or flight response. What's interesting is that breathing can signal the brain to continue that response or stop it (again you might not find this is enough to handle all anxious feelings - I'm no doctor just a patient who has had some good luck with these techniques).

What you want to do is count while you inhale and then double that count when you exhale. Exhale and inhale as evenly as possible. Exhaling for twice as long as you inhale signals to your brain that you aren't in danger. You are safe enough that you are breathing deeply. That can help the feelings of anxiousness to disappear.

Body Appreciation

I've found that when I relax I get better benefit if I work on appreciating my body. This took a decade to learn so I don't know if it will work for you. Many of us don't like this or that part of us. Maybe it's body image issues. Maybe it's hating how your gut keeps you from going places, or how your hip aches so much it's hard to move. We tend to look to find a place to focus our frustration for how we feel. That's normal. But I find for me it gets in the way of true relaxation. My belly is where I tend to focus my dislike. It's too big, it houses my gut which is problematic, so I don't like it.

I realized I had to let go of that when I did Voice Movement Therapy work. My belly also is part of the movement of the breath, and I needed to feel comfortable with letting it be free and obvious when I sang. That took a lot of mental work. But doing that work meant that I was able work on singing and relaxation without simultaneously hating a part of myself.

There are two main ways I work on appreciating the body. I sometimes go through each part and try to think of the beneficial and effortless actions that part does, in spite of whatever issues I have with it. Maybe if my ankle is being problematic, I'll think of how blood is still flowing through it without effort. Or I'll consider that even when my asthma is unpleasant (mine isn't severe), I'm still managing to breathe without conscious decision.

The approach above might be too hard on certain days, or if you suffer from certain problems. So I do have another I use. This can be either the first step of conscious relaxation or something you do afterwards. Bring to mind a person (children with great for this) or animal that you feel (non-sexual) affection for. Take that feeling of affection and try to apply it to your body. The imagery I use is imagining that I'm painting my body with the affection. As each part of me is painted it is bathed in a warm golden light.

Resources

Physiological Quieting tracks are available online. Sometimes it's helpful to listen to someone guide you. This was the first thing I was asked to do in a pain clinic and it really worked. I'd link to my favorites but my favorite isn't available publically. But here's a shout out to Eve Kennedy who taught me this approach.

Vidyamala Burch is an excellent teacher who suffers from a lot of body problems and is a wheelchair user. I learned a lot (more than I expected) from her book Living Well With Pain and Illness. She has some online meditation courses though Insight Timer (an app) and though Breathworks, a company she founded. Many of her courses are on dealing with pain and illness. If you see lucky you might find an in person course in your area. You can also buy meditation tracks from her online. She is a Buddhist, but while her approach includes some inspiration from Buddhism, it is secular. She's a marvelous teacher.

Bodhipakṣa is working on a book on self-compassion and teaches online courses on the subject. His work on compassion involves the body and he's an excellent teacher.

Finally I'd like to recommend my friend and Mali Sastri. If you want to work with movement and Voice she's an amazing resource. You can read about how our work affected my health here:

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