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real-total-drama-takes · 10 months

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im bored and kinda high so heres my opinion on all the reboot characters

caleb - is a character

axel - im just as gay for her as the next guy but there's no way in hell she's final two next season lol but i wanna hold hands w her

nichelle- yass girl give us nothing 🥰

scary girl - idc idc she was funny asf but i am glad she went early bc if she stayed any longer i wouldve hated her lol

damien - one of the best things to come from the reboot and yall are doing him a huge disservice shipping him w priya 🥴 that shit is so boring but honestly? there might be something there somebody's gotta make me a believer tho. CONVINCE ME

mk - as a bitter, annoying, sarcastic individual myself i could not stand this bitch omg 💀 her character has a ton going for it but all they did w her is make every single one of her lines sarcastic n shit and i was BORED

raj - dumb gay man i love him

wayne - dumb ace man i love him

ripper - bro just wasnt funy. i dont get why they make characters who just pride themselves in being nasty n shit kind of a waste of development idk

zee - we can all agree that he was great but he gives me early boot vibes for next season bc like if we're demanding development for all the first season early boots then he's just gonna be there ig. dumb can only get you so far yknow?

chase - him and emma both are such wasted potential like BREAK THE HETEROS UP OMG their relationship dragged the second half down so bad like chase is just bad for the sake of being bad. like he wasn't even funny either just a waste of space by the time he was gone 😭

emma - first i'll say im glad we got a plus sized girl w some fucking athletic ability beCause THEY EXIST yay happy but anyway she was so funy until she got back with chase and that whole shit w him throwing that challenge for pizza was so DUMB like she honestly thought he did that shit for her 💀 like she was CONVINCED bro the straight delusion was insane

julia - she was the bad bitch we all needed and deserved but i cannot sit here and let you mfs say that she played the game well bc she absolutely DID NOT. girlie had no actual strategy other than winning and thas not even a strategy. even her trying to "manipulate" chase that one time sucked too lmao. bro her goal was to get everyone to hate her and win out of spite that shit is so dumb but it's so her so idc we love her anyway

millie - there were so many times where i lowkey forget she existed lmfao i don't even dislike her it was just "oh yea she here too lol" but i gotta say it kinda feels like they used her as a scapegoat to make writing her outta the finale easier idk maybe it's just me. but her crying after bowie clowned her ass when she was eliminated was the funnies bit in the entire show i was giggling n shit bc she honestly did that to herself lmao rip

priya - people compare her to zoey and sky way too much honestly (its me, im people) but when you look at it we have a mary sue that was infuriating to watch , the same girl but olympic flavored whos existence i have to be reminded of every two months, and priya. priya is perfectly fine and she was a nice winner even if i knew she was gonna win the second she was onscreen lolZ but when she read millie's notebook and absolutely demolished her ego i was living. like girlie ate her up w absolutely no crumbs left idc

bowie (the real winner) - i was fully prepared and ready to hate this twink istg. like i was in my homophobic era and ready the second his name was called but omg i love him sm. he was the queen i never knew i needed in my life. and to all the mfs who say his gayness is his entire personally have never met an fem black man and it shows 💀 idc what anyone says he's the best writer character in the entire show 🤭 as much as i love him i cannot let his fit slide. the pearls can stay bc those were a serve but the pants??? THE FUCKING PANTS??? THOSE FUCKING FLOOD WARNING HIGH WATERS.?? why would they do him like that omg. fits like that are why we get hate crimed 😔

ok im done good luck to anyone who actually reads this lmao

#total drama #total drama 2023 #td Millie #td priya #td caleb #td wayne #td raj #td bowie #td axel #td Nichelle #td scary girl #td julia #td mk #td emma #td chase #td zee #td ripper #td Damien

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dietgaymags · 4 years

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A definitive ranking of DWTS Season 29′s celebrities thus far

So I'm obsessed with Dancing with the Stars as much as the next guy. I’ve seen every season since number 11, when I was like 9 years old. But I dropped off a few seasons ago, disappointed that they really had the nerve to put the legend Lindsey Stirling on the same season as the other legend Jordan Fisher. That was not fair to anyone, because Lindsey would have wiped the floor in literally any other season.

But Season 29′s cast was released and I got excited again. About 80% of these names I was not only familiar with, but were people I enjoyed for some reason or another. Skai Jackson, Nelly, Johnny Weir, AJ McLean, Nev Schulman, Carole Baskin, Justina Machado, Monica Aldama, and the list just goes on. They really said “we need to get young people back into the show.” And they did. I was hooked. And though Len is gone and Carrie Ann is going some sort of which way with her votes (we don’t talk about it), I’ve watched every episode with bright eyes and so much excitement. We have some good dancers this season. And some bad ones. But mostly good. So here’s my definitive ranking of this season’s stars (and, by extension, pros). And if you don’t agree, that’s fine. I am simply a nineteen-year-old girl who likes to watch ballroom dancing.

NUMBER 15: CAROLE MF BASKIN AND PASHA PASHKOV

Besides the moral obligations to not allow a murderer to appear on the show, I think DWTS did a good job trying to rope people in by bringing her on. When the cast list was released, my jaw dropped because I knew she was going home first and I wanted to be there to see it.

And somehow, she did not... go home first? She made it another episode? While I’m sure it was a ploy to keep people interested in the show so they didn’t watch the premiere and drop off, Carole Baskin is sure to go down in DWTS history as one of the worst competitors. Her highest score was a 16, sure, but her lowest was an 11. We’re treading Master P territory. And I had a full traumatic episode watching her in a lion-esque unitard. Fuck, I needed to bleach every orifice on my body. (Overall Rating: 1 dead husband/10)

NUMBER 14: CHARLES OAKLEY & EMMA SLATER

You cannot tell me this man isn’t having the most fun he’s had in a minute. He was another easy-to-spot early elimination, but I actually enjoyed watching him to some degree. Emma danced circles around him, but you could really tell he was trying his damnedest and I appreciate it. And his performances didn’t strike cold, dead fear into my heart like other people.

He also got the same average score as Carole over the first two episodes, but one of those was NOT an 11. Slightly better, imo, just a little less improvement than Carole---which is why Derek booted him in the first place. (Overall rating: 1.5 left feet/10)

NUMBER 13: JESSE METCALFE AND SHARNA BURGESS

Did they---did they ever dance? I literally don’t remember anything other than that Newsies dance, which I have to say I particularly enjoyed. It might be because I like Newsies. It might be because Sharna’s hair is gorgeous this season. I don’t know, but it probably wasn’t because of Jesse’s dancing.

That’s literally all I have to say. (Overall rating: 2 confused braincells/10)

NUMBER 12: CHRISHELL STAUSE AND GLEB SAVCHENKO

WOAH, she’s coming in with the hot takes! Chrishell hasn’t even been eliminated yet! And look, it’s not even Chrishell’s fault that she’s so low on the list. It really isn’t. She’s been performing, well, okay thus far. Not great, considering her highest score was a 26 on a Paso double where she literally did not even dance (look, I’m not a judge, but I would’ve given it a 21 MAYBE). She’s trying, and she seems to be really enjoying it; I absolutely adore her energy. But most of the issue here is attributed to her partner, Gleb.

His choreography is just... I don’t know... lazy. He throws himself around like a god among men and Chrishell is just there. I don’t really appreciate the pros who prefer to dance over their partners instead of with them. I don’t understand why he thinks this method will get him a mirrorball, but it’s just not gonna happen. (Overall rating: 2 measures of actual dancing/10)

NUMBER 11: ANNE HECHE AND KEO MOTSEPE

Look how happy they look! No, but seriously, they didn’t do that bad. They just had a bad week. Week 2, they had a higher average score than SIX other couples on the show, and they left with a score of 21. I legitimately think that their Disney night dance was underscored. Sure, it wasn’t wonderful, but it didn’t deserve a fifteen.

I know they had no chance to win the mirrorball, but Keo has a history of being stuck with less-than-stellar partners. Anne was not a bad match; they just had bad luck and better competition. I did love watching them, though. And Keo is beautiful, but need I say more? (Overall rating: 3.5 early elims/10)

NUMBER 10: VERNON DAVIS AND PETA MURGATROYD CHMERKOVSKIY

I honestly haven’t enjoyed Peta’s choreography since Season 22, when she and Nyle DiMarco ate up the dance floor and left not a single crumb. She and Peta were another pair where I was like, “Wait, who got eliminated? They’re still here?” The judges were right in saying Vernon had a lot of energy on stage, and look at him here. He’s big cheesin’.

They kind of existed for me is all I have to say. The only reason they’re ranked higher than Anne and Keo is because their average score was just overall better. They never scored extremely well, with their highest score being a 22, but they never did too horribly either. They were meh. (Overall rating: 4 touchdowns/10)

NUMBER 9: NELLY AND DANIELLA KARAGACH

Another hot take? Yes. I can never tell whether or not Nelly enjoys being here until he actually dances. During rehearsal, confessionals, critiques, he always looks a little embarrassed or nervous? I’m not sure. But just like Vernon and Peta, all of their dances have been kind of meh.

That’s not to put Daniella down in any sense. It’s her first season as a pro, and her abilities definitely shine through in her performance. But like I said about Gleb earlier, she has a tendency to dance over Nelly at times (see: the Freddy Krueger dance from last week). I don’t see Nelly living up to the standards the judges say he’s lived up to thus far, but that might just be my personal opinion. (Overall rating: 5 heeled sneakers/10)

NUMBER 8: MONICA ALDAMA AND VALENTIN CHMERKOVSKIY

Another surprisingly hot take. I actually really enjoyed each of Monica’s dances this season, especially since she’s someone with essentially zero dance experience. I’m still very pissy that the Ratched dance sent her home---it was one of my favorite dances of the night, and I have no clue why she only got a 22 for it (especially when Chrishell and Gleb got a 26).

Val has always been someone on the show who can take a non-dancer and genuinely make them better. This is the case with Monica. We saw so much improvement with her over the weeks. We’re getting to the part of the list where I love all of the dancers. Still, Monica and Jeannie should not have been the bottom 2 last week, but in the case between the two, it’s right that Monica was eliminated. Still, I would have loved to see her next week. (Overall rating: 6 cheer pyramids/10)

NUMBER 7: SKAI JACKSON AND ALAN BERSTEN

Sure, she got the first 10 of the season. Sure, the Chucky dance was kind of spectacular. But she’s also had the lowest score for two out of seven weeks so far. She has yet to be in the bottom, but I’m sure that’s the fans working for her. I can’t deny her talent on the dance floor, but I would argue that objectively, Skai has made the most mistakes out of everyone this season.

She’s been remarkably inconsistent over the course of the season, but when she’s good, she’s really, really good. She was my pick to win when the cast was released, but now I don’t see that happening unless the fans really come to vote on her, which I think they will. But there is no excuse for an 18 on Week 6. She can do better. I know she can. But until then, she stays in the middle of my list. (Overall rating: 6 Ms. Kiplings/10)

NUMBER 6: JEANNIE MAI AND BRANDON ARMSTRONG

To be completely honest, I had Jeannie Mai pegged as an early elimination from Week 1. But she and Brandon continue to astound me as a team. I love every single one of their dances, sad that they’ve been consistently underscored. That Hannibal Lecter paso was stunning, and the Up dance on Disney night made me tear up a little.

They’re not higher for the sole reason that others are just better. Not because I don’t love what they put out on the stage every week, but Jeannie just isn’t the strongest technically. Until they get eliminated, though, I’ll be watching with bated breath. (Overall rating: 7 hole-in-ones/10)

NUMBER 5: KAITLYN BRISTOWE AND ARTEM CHIGVENTSEV

Do I just not see what everyone else is seeing when they’re obsessing over Kaitlyn Bristowe? I mean, everything she’s done so far has been wonderful, but she’s not my favorite. Technically, it’s on point 85% of the time. and she has the second-highest point total so far in the competition, but she has yet to do a dance where I step back and think, “Wow.” That’s what puts her behind the top four.

I did not like the Cruella DeVille paso doble at all last week, but I think that was attributed to the song choice more than anything else. I have yet to be taken aback by Kaitlyn and Artem, but their work is undeniably, objectively some of the best on the show. (Overall rating: 7 roses/10)

NUMBER 4: AJ MCLEAN AND CHERYL BURKE

Now we’re at the spot on the list where if any of these guys win the mirrorball, I will be satisfied. Something about AJ is simply magnetic. He has such a kind disposition and wonderful talent on the dance floor, it’s so hard not to love him. His samba is one of my favorite dances on this season so far, and I’m genuinely concerned that he’s been underscored this whole time.

Cheryl is a mf VETERAN at this, too. She knows how to teach this man to destroy a dance floor. The energy he brings, the life he brings, the nasty footwork that he DEMOLISHES. I did not expect to love AJ as much as I do. In my opinion, the most improvement we’ve seen in a star this season. (Overall: 8.5 backstreets/10)

NUMBER 3: JUSTINA MACHADO AND SASHA FARBER

Justina is living proof that you don’t have to be as big around as my pinky finger to do ballroom dancing well. She’s easily the best female star this season, and Sasha has accentuated her talents on the dance floor without overpowering her, which I enjoy. On top of that, she looks so happy to be here, which translates heavily into her dancing.

I will say, not every dance from her has been my favorite, but there hasn’t been a single dance out of her that I haven’t liked. Her presence is so powerful and destructive that everyone needs to watch their backs. Remember, this is a sitcom mom, not a professional dancer. (Overall rating: 8.5 days at a time/10)

NUMBER 2: JOHNNY WEIR AND BRITT STEWART

I am a firm believer that Johnny and Britt should have gotten a perfect 30 on their contemporary back in Week 5. I am also a firm believer that they should have gotten a perfect 30 on their Viennese waltz last week. I am consistently blown away by Britt’s choreography every single week, and their chemistry as a pair is unlike anyone I’ve seen in the show’s history.

What I like about them so much is how much of a team they are. That really makes so much difference out on the dance floor. Their grace and style is completely unmatched, and as a first season pro, Britt is destroying some of the pros who have been here for years... Gleb. I can’t wait to see their performances every single week, and I hope they continue to dance together somehow even after the show is over. (Overall rating: 9.9 triple axels/10)

NUMBER 1: NEV SCHULMAN AND JENNA JOHNSON CHMERKOVSKIY

Hey, quick question: did you expect this? Because I definitely didn’t. Catfish has always been my guilty pleasure show to watch when I’m bored and lonely, and Nev has always been this super dorky guy, so when they announced the cast list, I was like “Oh, this is gonna be funny as hell.” Because it could only go one of two ways: 1) Nev fumbles around like a dork and goes home pretty early, or 2) he wins the mirrorball.

APPARENTLY it’s the latter. Nev surprised me, and I think everyone, with his natural talent, and Jenna is heavily playing off that in her choreography. She’s been giving him very difficult, technical work and he’s has continued to astound. With the first 30 of the season rightfully deserved, Nev is a force to be reckoned with. Like I’ve said earlier, some of the pros like to dance over their partners to hide their weaknesses. I would go so far as to argue Jenna lets him dance over her. Together, they’re an absolute wildfire, and if they continue at this pace, consider the competition already won. (Overall rating: 10 chest hairs/10)

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ecotone99 · 4 years

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[MF] The Things You Say

He ordered his steak charred and bloody. She pointed to option of penne with white sauce and clams. They had already gone through two rounds of the buttered white bread and were due for a third. He told the waiter no rush, take time, no appetizers, please no appetizers, just more bread, bring more please, and bring a bottle of the red you prefer, we don’t come here often, but when we do, I like to have a red.

He looked around and glimpsed the delighted face in the restaurant after the waiter left.

She put her arms on the table. She looked at one thing then another and back to him. Then one thing and another and then back to him again.

“This is a good place,” is what he said after he was finished scanning the room. He turned and watched her nibble the inside of her own lip. “What do you think?” is what he said after he couldn’t draw her eyes.

Vague nodding is what she returned in response to his remark.

The waiter came back with another plate of the white bread along with two small bowls, one with butter, the other with olive oil. The waiter substituted his plates and bowls on his platter for their empty ones on the table. Then he stood and smiled and asked if he should mix vinegar into the oil.

She looked up to the waiter and smiled. She said, “We can do that.” It was always good, bright smiles coming from her.

“Fair enough,” the waiter said and left. She scanned the room again. One thing and another and another. Then she glared at something behind the one seated across from her.

“Well?” he said.

She shrugged. She parted her lips. But it was all the same.

He leaned forward. But she maintained her poise. He took a deep breath and made an extended exhalation. But she was imperturbable. So he leaned back and watched her scratch the back of her head.

“I think it’s fixable,” he said, “You know that’s what I come from. I think it is fixable.” In saying this, he felt as if he’d just put on a weighted jacket.

She put her gaze vaguely toward something on his chest. Then she rubbed her shoulder and waited for anything from him.

He went and said, “I believe in it,” and rubbed his naked fingers. He cracked each one and as he was doing this he was glaring at her shoulders and saying, “It’s just time is what we need. That’s the position I take with all this. Enough time and bruises go away. Enough time and we mend. But we have to put one step forward. We have to put in the work and accept that it’s going to take a lot of work. That’s just how it goes. We have to try. We have to pull ourselves up by the bootstraps. That’s just what I grew up knowing.”

He tore off a piece of bread. He dipped it in butter. She watched all the crumbs scatter on his side of the table. On his side of the table, he took the knife and spread the butter over half his piece. She watched him bite the bread. He chewed with his mouth open.

The waiter came back and brought them refills. Water for him. Peach La Croix for her. She simpered and said, “Nice for you to take care of us.” To this, “No problem,” is what the waiter said. He genuflected. Then he walked to the other tables refilling the cups where it was needed while no one broke the streams of their conversations full of laughter to pay him any attention.

She scratched her chin. She watched him dip the other half of his bread into the oil. Then he bit down, but it wasn’t easy to chew with his jaw all tired from the rest of the bread. She wt she the lumps his throat made when food goes down.

People walked in and people walked out. People came and went along the street.

He used more oil on more bread. On the last piece, he took the bottle of vinegar and dabbed the center of the bread with a bit of it. He offered her the bread. But she just looked at it.

“This is a nice place,” he said and then ate the whole thing in one go. He chewed as he would and little bits went here and there, some of it even spilled into his lap. She turned to the bar and glared at the couple she thought she knew while he drank water to help him swallow. Then he drank more to clear the rest of it. Then he used his nails on his teeth to scrape out the bits squeezed somewhere between his back teeth. With fingers in mouth, he goes and says, “It’s better to eat than to be angry.”

Minutes went by. Then he said, “If you don’t eat, you’ll get angry. If you get angry, you won’t get anything said. If we don’t talk, well, that doesn’t really help anyone.” He waited. But she wasn’t budging, wasn’t flinching. He went on with it. He said, “Look, I’m not trying to talk stuff. I’m really not. But what I’m saying is, you have to eat something. You do. And I do too. We have to eat something. That’s the first step to any of this. That's really the first step to making all this really, truly work. If we can’t even eat together, then what real hope do we have here?” Then it was, “You think that I think that I know what’s best. But you can’t say that. You can’t think that. You shouldn’t. I’m not trying to do anything but getting us started. I want to get us talking. But if you’re not going to speak, then nothing is going to be done. You understand that, right? You have to understand that. If you don’t speak, then you must understand, nothing will be said.”

To this, she took her glass, raised it. Then she reached over and toasted his glass. She chugged her drink. It all disappeared.

He leaned over again and, in a screaming whisper, said, “I’m trying. You can’t say anything to that. I’m trying and you’re not listening. Why - Why did you even come here?”

She gave him a light scoff. She rubbed her shoulder and looked around at all the pretty, excited faces in the room. Then she found the waiter and waved him over. Upon his arrival, she said, “Yes, dear, wine. Let’s have the wine now. We’ll take the bottle. Something red, a pinot or a blend, whatever you and your friends prefer. We’ll be having that.”

“Yes, ma’am,” the waiter said.

“Thank you, sweetie,” she said.

“Why did you even agree to come here?” he said as the waiter left.

“Just wait for the drinks,” she said, “Sit pretty and wait for the wine.”

The waiter came back with the wine and two glasses. She smiled at him while he uncorked the bottle. The waiter smiled for both of them as he poured their glasses full.

He told them the food can be ready in five minutes if they wanted.

She told them they were in no rush. The man told the waiter sooner is better but bring another plate of bread with the entrees. It's that good.

“This bread is really something,” he said, just wanting to put it out there.

The waiter said, “Everyone loves the bread.”

“Why does everyone love the bread?” she said and puts her hands to her lips trying to barely hide the grin. But there was no hiding the brightness in her eyes.

“They say it’s doughy,” the waiter said, “They say it’s doughy and crispy and it’s sweet. All at the same time. There's a good mix of things in it. I can't really explain it well. I don't know the inner workings of bread, you know. I'm no chef. But I know its good tasting. I tend to agree with what people say about the bread.”

“It’s good stuff,” the man said.

But she said to the waiter, “What do you think? About the bread? What do you think about it?”

“Yeah, well, I do tend to agree with what most people say. It is very good bread. I tell the chefs all the time the bread is why we have such great business. The bread’s soft and sweet. I normally don’t go in for bread, let alone the sweet kind of anything. But what we have here, I like it.”

“You have to control yourself around it?” she said and rubbed her shoulder, still smiling, of course, always smiling.

“Yes, ma’am, I have to control myself. When I first started here, I put on seven to eight pounds just eating the stuff. And I was only pulling short shifts.”

“Look at you,” she said and sipped her wine.

The waiter turned to the man and the man said, “Bread’s good and all, but how about our food?”

“The food?” the waiter said. Then he said, “Oh, right away, right away,” and left.

She then poured more wine into her glass. Then he took the bottle and filled his glass right after and began sipping his. They drank concertedly, him looking at her, her looking at her wine, them just waiting like this until the food arrived. They ate in silence too.

He used the steak knife to hack slice through the beef that bled all over the plate and soaked into the spinach and the potato. She drove a prong into a noodle. He put the steak in his mouth. She ate her piece. Then he chewed the steak. The whole room heard him chew, but no one said anything.

She took a few more pieces and then just stared at her bowl, glared at the cream sauce, then she looked up to watch him take three more cuts of the steak and mash it all in his mouth.

She quit eating. She drank down her wine glass and poured herself the last of it. She fiddled with something in her purse and then kept one arm beneath the table, while the other returned to controlling the wine.

She sipped and watched him eat. She sipped and watched his blood stained teeth mash his blood soaked meat. It took time, but he noticed all the staring she was doing and said, “You think it’s all on me.”

He said, “You really think it’s all on me. You want to put it on my shoulders. And, you know, Maybe you can. Maybe you could.” He sipped his drink. Then he took some water to wash it down. Then he went and said, “You’re the one who did it. I’ll ride the blame, though. That’s fine. Put it on me. That’s fair. I’m not the one who gone out and got it in with a team manager from some rinky-dink roller derby team. But I guess that’s just me. I guess I just have my preferences. Who knows? I’m just here. I guess I just have everything confused.”

Then he heard it. The click.

But he didn’t want to have heard it. He took another piece of the steak, chewed it, took some of the wine, swallowed it.

He told himself, in brain, that it must have been a fork that had dropped on a plate. That’s all.

She finished her glass and then raised the glass in the air. She turned and looked for the waiter all the while keeping her other hand beneath the table. The waiter came over and grabbed the glass and, in doing so, touched her fingers as he claimed it.

That was enough for her. But she held in the flutter.

The waiter looked to them, back and forth. “How’s the food?” he said.

“More wine, sweetie,” she said.

“Excellent,” the man said.

“Excellent,” the waiter said and smiled for the man and then the woman.

She watched the waiter walk down the ways and made no effort to hide what her eyes were locked on to.

“You,” he restarted it, “I made the wrong call.”

“You can’t just sit in silence, can you?” whispered from, sweet, wine stained lips.

“Why should I keep quiet? Why? You tell me why?” he said.

"I'm right," he said.

“Close your mouth when you eat,” she said.

“What are you on about now?” he said, “What are you talking about now?” he said. “What are you even saying?” he said.

“Hal,” she said.

“Why?” he said, “Here I am trying to talk and give you the chance but there you are – just – just sitting. You’re just sitting.”

“Hal,” she said.

“What?” he said.

She pulled the trigger three times. The rounds connected where they did, she wasn’t sure where. But he screamed. That was one fact. The other was the entire restaurant fled. Including the one waiter. They all fled.

But he fell over. And she stood up and grabbed her bowl. She stepped over him and held the bowl over his head. She looked at the damage done. She had claimed a knee and a hip. She said, “Fair enough,” and then emptied the bowl on top of his head. The white sauce mixed in with his blood.

He said one thing and another, sure. But she aimed for his belly anyways. She used the rest of the rounds. When it was all decided, she set the revolver on the table and sat down. She then started a cigarette. She leaned her elbow on the table, then her chin on her hand. “The things you say, Hal,” she whispered into the air. “The things you say.”

FIN

All criticism is welcome. If we want to be brutal, be brutal. Just be helpful. Thanks for reading.

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ecotone99 · 4 years

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[MF] New Beginning

The signs were always there. Every piece of evidence pointed to the fact it was going to happen, but no one bothered to follow the trail of crumbs. The people in charge said it was impossible to predict. In truth, they didn't want it to be true, so they didn't bother to act. For most of us, it came as a surprise. We didn't know how to adapt and deviate from everyday life. Some people went full batshit right away and hoarded everything they could. We called them "Preppers". They were the first to die when the raids started. See, we all think we have so much control over what happens to us. Only when it gets ripped away do we realize we can't control anything.

It wasn't long after the raids started that society fell apart. Everyone's life turned to shit. Even then, some people were still waiting for things to go back to "normal", whatever the fuck that was. I was a kid when it all happened. I watched the world crash around me before I even knew what it was. I still remember the wide-eyed looks of terror on my parents' faces. Eventually, everything shut down: power, utilities, the stores, consumerism, the market economy, civilized life. Everyone stopped listening to the government, and they stopped trying to govern. That's when raiding became more frequent, and people who had guns became "Raiders." A lot of people decided to end it all there. Some people with guns just used them to blow their brains out.

People were dying off for too many reasons to count. At that point, no one counted how or why people died anymore. Who the fuck even cared? If you wanted to survive, the only thing to do was to scavenge or raid. We were "Scavengers". First, we dug through the trash. Half the fucking world was dead, so when we lost all of our old-world inhibitions, we started scavenging through houses. Scavengers and Raiders became mortal enemies. Raiders stock-piled all the weapons, so they usually won the fights. They had guns, and we had spoons we turned into shivs. Not that any of us were organized in any way. Everyone took care of their own.

The raiders killed my dad when I was 12. Or maybe 13, some shit like that. My mom and I carried him down to the river, and put him in. We watched him float away. She cried, I didn't. He looked like every other dead person I'd seen, and he wasn't my dad anymore. We just kept scavenging. When I was old enough to grow some hair on my face, my mom got sick, probably from all the rotten food we ate. She died a few weeks later. I leaned her up against a tree in what was someone's back yard. I kept scavenging alone.

People started to form groups after a while. They tried to organize into little communes. They used broken houses and fences to make walled off villages inside of ruined cities. They even gave themselves names. Most of the time, they ended up getting sacked by raiders. Everyone would die, then I would scavenge. I'd say I'm not proud, but no one has pride in anything anymore. Pride was something they had in the old world. People with guns then started to try and help form communities. I recognized most of those fuckers as Raiders who shot at me. They called themselves "Villagers". I guess the older they got, the more they wanted redemption. Some of them called themselves "Renegades" who went and shot at Raiders. Like that's any fucking better. I never went to live in a village, and I never will.

One thing I kept from the old world were books. My folks made sure of that. I guess they still hoped things would go back to "normal", so they made me keep reading. I must have been mid-twenties, and I was still reading about a hungry caterpillar. It passed the time. One day, while scavenging, I wandered across a library. It looked empty, so I went in. It was full of dead Raiders, probably shot up by Renegades. They had burned some of the books to keep warm in the winter, but a lot of them were still there. I scavenged the place, and found a vending machine in a room at the end of a hallway with a bunch of offices. Stale Fritos, Doritos, and Lays. There was even water in the water cooler. Pretty good haul. Behind the front counter was a key. It was marked "Restroom". There was no running water left in the world, but it was pretty nice to sit on something to take a shit every now and again. I opened the bathroom door, and inside was more guns and ammo than I had ever seen. Fucking jackpot.

I holed up in that library for a long time. I read a lot. There were a lot of books about growing food. Some of them explained how to catch rain water in a barrel and use it to water plants. I decided I was going to try and scavenge for seeds. It wasn't likely there would be many I could use, but it was possible. Fuck it, I didn't have anything else going for me. I took a gun from the stock, and loaded, just like one of the books showed me. I fired at a few of the dead Raiders for practice, and it seemed to work. I took the gun with me to find a nursery, like the book said. As a Scavenger, I had a gun. Did that make me a Raider? I don't think I was either one.

I wandered through the city, until I found an old nursery. There were some plants outside, but they were all starting to die. I went inside. I found two women who had been shot not too long ago. I searched through some of the shelves and storage areas and found some seeds. I stuffed them all in my pocket. I didn't know what they were, or if they were rancid, but I could find out back at the library. That's when I heard footsteps and a guy's voice.

"The fuck do you think you're doing? Where the fuck did you come from?" I fired the gun and ran. I didn't even look to see who I shot. I ran all the way back to the library.

Once I got there, I read a few horticulture books to find out what seeds I had. It looked like some kind of squash, dried corn kernel, and some carrot seeds. Now, I needed something to catch rainwater in. I searched around the outside of the library and found a trash barrel big enough. In the back of the library was a garden. It was overgrown with weeds, so I started tearing them all out. I planted the seeds there, using my own shit as fertilizer. I waited a while, what felt like forever. I watered every day it didn't rain. After probably a month or two, some of them started to grow. I made life happen in a world where everything was dead. I cried all night after I saw that green coming up out of the ground.

I survived eating vegetables from my own garden for years. I set up traps all around the outside of the library and used my guns sparingly. This worked to kill dozens of Raiders. There seemed to be less and less of them. One day, I left to scavenge, and when I came back, there were a man and a woman standing on either side of the door to my library. Both of them had more than one gun and were wearing padded clothes on the outside of their clothes. I think it was a bulletproof vest. They were even fully dressed, head to toe. I waited a while to see what they would do. They just stood there like they were guarding something. I pulled out my gun and walked up to them.

"Excuse me, sir, what are you doing?" the woman asked me. I had never been called "sir" in my whole fucking life.

"This is my library. What are you doing here?" I said. They looked at each other and laughed.

"This is your library?" said the dude. He was a real dick about it, too.

"Yeah, it's mine. I've lived here for years."

"Wait, so you grew the vegetables in the back?" the woman asked. They stopped being assholes for a second.

"Yeah, that was me. I want to get back in. I live here."

"Sorry, sir. This library belongs to the Citadel now. You'll have to find somewhere else to live," said the man. He was an asshole again.

"The Citadel? The fuck is that?" I was really getting pissed.

"If you can grow vegetables like that, you should join us," the woman said.

"Join you? Like just you two? Are you 'The Citadel'?" I said. Now I was being a dick.

"See that gold-domed building in the distance?" said the guy, pointing to a building down the hill from the library.

"You mean the old college?" I said.

"Yes, sir. That is The Citadel. You could learn more about growing food there. We even have a lab," said the woman. Like I'm supposed to know what that fucking means.

"I just want to go home. Can you leave now?"

"No, but you can. Fuck off, or we'll shoot," said the guy, taking out a pistol.

"Fuck you!" I said, but I turned to leave. I knew I wasn't getting in the front now. I'd have to try and sneak back in later. As I walked away there was something on the ground that caught my eye. I picked up a piece of paper folded three times. On the front, it said in big blue letters, "The Citadel". There was a picture of the same gold-topped building the guy pointed out. I opened it up, and on the inside, it said, "If you can read this pamphlet, you should consider joining The Citadel. We are a community of the literate and the scholarly. We offer protection and resources like other communities, but also knowledge and power. We'll give you the New Beginning you've been waiting for! Here are some of the things we can offer to you:" There were more pictures. Some had people looking into this weird thing that looked like binoculars, but they pointed down over a little square tray. Another had people dusting off a bunch of things, like cups and bones, covered in dirt.

"Fucking Villagers," I said, and I threw it into the closest trash can. It was the first time since the old world I threw something away. I waited under a bridge in an old park nearby until night came. Then, I sneaked behind the library and down the concrete stairs in back to the gray double doors. I unlocked the pad lock and took the chain off slowly. I cracked the door a little, and the basement was dark and quiet. I crept inside with my gun drawn. There was no one in the basement, but a light was coming from upstairs. I hadn't seen a light like that since I was a kid, but I knew it was a flashlight. How in the fuck..? I moved closer to the stairway at the edge of the basement. I heard two people talking, but it wasn't the two people out front before.

"...mostly old books, not terribly useful to us. We should clear them out anyways and bring them back to the campus," said a woman's voice.

"Yes, Lieutenant. Do you think that Scavenger who lived here will be any trouble to us?" said a man.

"Ha! I doubt it very much, Corporal," said the lieutenant. Fucking bitch.

I had a failsafe. It was dicey, but it was all I had. Once I saw the light move away, I slowly went up the stairs. The two people were still in the stacks, which was where I needed them to be. I moved over to the end of the stacks by the bathroom and pulled a rope and a road flare down off of the top of the last bookshelf. I lit the flare and threw it into the first row of stacks in front of me. The two people ran over to the flare. As they did, I pulled the rope. The sledgehammer I rigged up from a hardware store I scavenged swung down and hit the first metal bookshelf. It fell forward on top of the two people. There was no sign of movement at all from them. The road flare kept burning and set a couple of the books on fire. "Shit, did not think that through."

Before I could put them out, I heard the front door open. The guy from outside was running in, gun drawn. I ran to the back of the stacks where it was dark. I hid in an alcove and waited. He started firing through the stacks. One bullet hit the wall to my left, one broke the window behind me. I got down low and waited. He started walking through the row of stacks. As he walked up the row in front of me, I sited his head and fired. He fell down dead. I moved forward to take his gun and ammo. As I did, I felt cold metal on the back of my neck.

"Bet you didn't think we knew about the back entrance, did you?" said the woman from the front door. I didn't say anything. "You know, you're pretty good. You almost took us all out. You can shoot, and you can grow veggies. We could use someone like you. So, what'll it be? The Citadel, or..." She cocked the gun.

"Fine. I'll go," I said, lying out my ass. I hoped I could get a shot in once she let her guard down.

"Drop the gun. Miles! Anita!" Fuck! There were more of them!

They brought me back to The Citadel that night. Now, I grow vegetables in their hydroponics "lab", and I have for months. They cleared out all of the books I had and took all of my veggies. They call me one of them, but I fucking hate them. I just want my library back.

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