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comfy-whumpee · 8 months

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Back again! Last piece: Equinox.

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Rozen knocked on the door, and Joe opened it. He looked surprised, and then made a sheepish glance over his shoulder. Siobhan was visible in the kitchen.

“We were invited over,” he explained half-heartedly. “Nic said they had to go out, so we came.”

Rozen had received a message from them an hour ago, but they’d been asleep. It was only Ellis’s messages that were set to ping loudly 24/7. That was a mistake they would have to rectify.

“I was also invited over,” they told him. Ellis got his height from his father, and they had to look up to stare him down. “By Ellis.”

“Oh.” He stepped aside to let them in, looking uncertainly towards the kitchen. He took a step towards it. “I’ll let Siobhan know. Would you – like a drink?”

“No, thank you,” they said, tone flat. It wasn’t even his house. They glanced at Siobhan, who seemed to be ignoring them, working at a frying pan. They sighed, and climbed the stairs.

Ellis was sitting in the middle of the mattress, visible the moment they reached the landing. They paused in the open doorway, not willing to intrude unless they had to. He looked like he hadn’t slept a wink. They hadn’t either. “Take your time,” they said by way of greeting. “I’m here.”

The relief on his face was stark, and he sighed, covering his face for a moment. Rozen waited patiently.

“Nic called them,” he explained after a moment, voice hushed so they couldn’t hear. “I was asleep.”

Rozen’s lips thinned. It wasn’t like Nic to do something like that. They had followed Ellis’s lead every step of the way until now. They’d jumped the gun. It must have been a bad day for them, and they had always taken too much onto themself.

“They went, with – Felicity. So I woke up and…” He shook his head.

They took a breath. They stepped into the room. “You didn’t agree to this and it shouldn’t have happened before you were ready.”

“I should be ready,” he whispered from behind his hands. He was always all too aware of what he should be.

“Not important. This is your recovery and you have the final say. If you want them to leave, we will make them leave.”

He peeked between his fingers, and then seemed to get self-conscious of it and put his hands into his lap. “It’s okay. They… They’re trying to help.” His tone was unconvinced, even as he tried to persuade himself.

“I’m glad to hear it, but that doesn’t change your authority, on these small things especially. They’ll survive being at home for another week or two. You were working,” their voice firms, “on getting better on your own terms, and the last thing you need is a reminder of their expectations of you.”

His ears burned. He stared at his fingers, twisting together. “They, I can’t let them see. I can’t let them see me now.”

“You don’t have to explain yourself to me,” they interrupted, keeping their voice gentle. “The choice is yours. If you would rather it be me and you, until Nic comes back, then it can be. No parents until you’re ready.”

His shoulders hunched. He tried to keep the explanation in, but it was difficult, they could see. His lips were pressed together tightly. He felt guilty. But Rozen had spent enough time working with his parents that they had a good picture of their shortcomings, as all parents were domed to have.

Siobhan and Joe were overprotective and over-permissive. Their intentions were always good. They wanted to see their son. They worried about him. They wanted to support him. They would offer him unconditional love. How could they understand that he was used to conditionals now?

He’d been away for so long that it didn’t matter if he was five or fifty, he’d be treated like a glass statue, and that was far too similar to how Engels had treated him.

“I can’t make them leave,” he decided. The pressure was too much for him to push back. “And I did… I did miss them.”

A decision is a decision. They pivot. “Alright. Then we do damage control.”

His mum always made pancakes like crepes. They were piled four-high on a dinner plate with sugar and chocolate spread set out alongside it. There were premade, toaster-ready scotch pancakes in the cupboard. He wondered if she’d not noticed, or if she’d dismissed them as not good enough.

Somehow, the weirdness of Rozen’s presence at the table made it less weird overall. Mum, dad, son, and hired detective. Ellis was the only one with a plate, though his dad had made himself a coffee.

He bit his tongue as he caught the smell of it. It was Nic’s favourite. One of their fancy ones. And his dad had just helped himself. Didn’t ask Ellis for permission. Ellis would have said yes, but he didn’t ask.

That wasn’t fair, though, was it? It was just coffee.

He really didn’t want to eat with both of them staring at him. He wished he’d let Rozen kick them out. They were more than willing to be the bad guy.

Maybe they knew what he was thinking, because when he didn’t move, they spoke. “I advised you not to come until he was ready.”

The bluntness threw his parents off. Both of them looked away from him.

“Nic invited us,” Mum said.

“Nic doesn’t get to decide. Only Ellis can. He did not invite you.”

Ellis stole a bite of crepe. He was still chewing when Mum looks back to him. “Do you not want us here?”

He dropped his gaze. The food suddenly lost its taste.

Rozen had his back. “That’s not the point,” they interjected, tone still level. “Asking for forgiveness is not the same as asking for permission. Ellis hasn’t had control over his own space and who he gets to see for a long time. It’s hard for him to express his boundaries.”

This was what they had discussed upstairs. Rozen had told him to speak for himself, but that they would if he didn’t.

It wasn’t the right thing to say, though. Mum turned her head away. “He was going to be left alone. You told us he can’t be left alone, after that – the cupboard.”

It felt wrong, that she knew about the cupboard. He didn’t expect her to bring it up. Nic wouldn’t talk about details like that out of nowhere, and Felicity and Iz didn’t know about them. But now that they were in the conversation, it felt… It felt like exposure of just how messed up he was. Can’t be left alone.

He had to speak. He had to be part of this. He opened his mouth.

“And you can’t blame us for wanting to come,” Dad put in. He sounded less argumentative than Mum, but just as stubborn. “Even if he had told us to go when we got here. It would have been worth it to come.”

“It’s fine,” Ellis broke in before Rozen could retort. “It’s fine, you can stay.”

Their relief was instantly palpable. It turned his stomach. He shouldn’t have this much power.

They clearly thought the conversation is over, but Rozen was cuing him for the other thing he wanted to say. “That’s your choice,” they said firmly. “Do you have any ground rules?”

He took a breath. It had been a long time since he had to do this. The last time he’d stood up to them, the last time they went too far in their protectiveness… It was for Nic.

This time, for himself.

“This is my house,” he said. His voice dipped to quiet, but they listened. They did always listen. “It’s, this is – my space. So you have to ask me for things. Not get them, take them yourselves.” He looked at his dad’s coffee mug. “It’s Nic’s house too.”

“Of course, sweetie,” his mum agreed. They would listen, if he told them, when he told them.

“And don’t,” he took a breath, “don’t assume what I want. I’m not a kid. You have to ask, and if I say no, you can’t – you can’t say anything back. Because I won’t be able to argue. I’m… not there yet.”

He saw the twinge of pain in Mum’s eyes, and his dad turning his down to the table. They understood, a little.

They listened.

“I didn’t want you to come because I wasn’t ready but it’s too late now,” he finished, all at once. “So just be patient and don’t – just try to do things your way. I need to choose.”

His heart was pounding as he stopped, and he waited in the silence that followed, tensed for the pushback, the shutdown, the dismissive, cutting looks and comments and are you done making demands?

It he was just a pet, and pets didn’t get to do this, didn’t get to say these things, if he would be in trouble…

“Okay,” his mum agreed. “I know I’m not good at that so I’ll try and you can tell me off.” She didn’t look away from him. “Thank you for telling me.”

His dad nodded. “We just want to help. However we can.”

“I think there was one other thing,” Rozen prompted gently.

Ellis sucked in another breath. Of course.

“Call me my name,” he requested. “Don’t say, um… Darling. Or sweetheart. Those things.” He couldn’t meet their eyes, his face warm. “That’s what he called me.”

He didn’t want to see the tears. He didn’t want to see the pain. He had to look after his own.

“Okay,” his dad replied, hushed.

He glanced up in the following silence. His dad wasn’t really the one he needed to change, but his mum…

“What about gingersnap?”

He blinked at her. She was smiling, the brave kind of smile that he recognised from himself.

They hadn’t called him that since he was little. His eyes filled with tears and he forced them down. Crying was too tiring.

“Yeah,” he agreed. “Yeah, that’s… Yeah.” He smiled back.

After his pancakes, he messaged Nic.

Hope you are getting good sleep. I’m okay. Love you.

#pet whumpee #recovering whumpee #whump #comfort #caretaking #ellis #rozen #siobhan #joe #deconditioning

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