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lonelier-version-of-you · 2 years

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A really good episode tonight, all things considered.

I will say, though, it still doesn’t compare to Holby’s “We Need To Talk About Fredrik”. In all fairness, very few things could. WNTTAF was a brilliant episode with exquisite writing. It’s one of the best episodes for Henrik as a character ever. In addition, WNTTAF was before the “murderous son” trope got overused and overused again and again. There was a very strong impact back when Henrik was completely alone and isolated, when no one else around him could possibly relate to what he was going through, not even people who had lost a child themselves (e.g. Ric and Serena).

Compare to now. Someone could just give David Henrik’s or Bernie’s phone numbers and he’d have not even one, but two people to talk to who have been in his EXACT position. It makes the Ollie story lose so much of the impact it might’ve had.

Also, what has the school shooting aspect added to the storyline except for ~shock value~? I don’t think they should ever have killed Ollie off, I think it’s a stupid decision because he was one of the Casualty kids with the most potential. But if they really wanted to... what have we gained from this storyline, what has it done for the characters, that Ollie simply committing suicide (possibly even a suicide pact with Rob, if you still wanted to have him as part of the story) could not? Now THAT would have been realistic, and it would’ve been just as dark and horrific and sad. And you still have the whole idea of the unanswered question of “Why did Ollie do this?”. I’m thinking of something like the Aidan suicide story on Corrie, where he just killed himself, seemingly at random, leaving no explanation for why and his family had to come to terms with that... that would’ve been powerful.

And it would’ve kept David’s normality and relatability as a character. The tragedy of a teenaged child committing suicide is far more real and something far more people can identify with than the tragedy of a child shooting up their class.

I have a lot of thoughts on how this takes away from David’s normality and relatability as a character in general, actually. I think I’ll put them in their own separate post though, but it fundamentally boils down to “part of what made him so engaging, and so important for representation, was that he was just an average dude dealing with bipolar and this takes away from that”. Henrik could get away with this storyline because he was never ‘average’ or ‘normal’ as a character. (I’m not using that as a synonym for his autism - I’d call Dylan, for example, an ‘average’ character, and he’s autistic. I mean it in the sense of the kind of character Henrik was.) He always felt slightly like he was in the wrong kind of show, and belonged in a piece of media with more heightened drama, something much more unrealistic than the show he was in was supposed to be. Therefore, having an unrealistic, heightened-drama shooting storyline with his son worked.

That is not true of David Hide. (Nor was it true of Bernie Wolfe.)

At any rate, the biggest aspect of this storyline - David’s grief for Ollie - has been written very very well, and of course acted very very well. That trend continued tonight.

The scenes with David and Rosalene were just FANTASTIC. Loved them. Although I still feel like recasting Rosalene was a mistake... I hope they tried to get the original actress back, because if they tried and she said no, then I get it - it’s better to recast Rosalene than not have her involved at all. But I just feel like the original actress would’ve been able to play this storyline better, since she’s actually acted with Harry Collett before.

Jason Durr was wonderful, as always - whoever it is that decides who to nominate for BAFTAs, I hope you’re watching, because Jason Durr needs a BAFTA.

And the writing... Rosalene essentially in denial, David wanting to move on and try to forget Ollie entirely... gah, it was brilliant. Lindsey Alford is a great writer - she did the episode where Paula gave birth too, which was also magnificent.

These are the kinds of scenes I wish we’d had with Henrik and Maja. Maybe not this exact dynamic, because it wouldn’t ring true for those specific characters, but just the whole general idea of them both trying to deal with what Fredrik did in different ways.

I’m surprised how much hate I’m seeing for Rosalene on social media. She did say a lot of awful things to David tonight, a lot of them very ableist, and I cannot defend or excuse that but... is she really a “bitch”? Really? She’s grieving her son just like he is and that needs to be accounted for IMO. (Granted, I don’t remember a lot about her previous appearances and I haven’t seen her very first episode. I don’t know what she was like before this. But my point still stands.)

Susan is cute, albeit a random choice of a character to bring back. And there’s a continuity error that annoys me (I went back and watched her original appearance from Christmas 2019 again to remind myself who she was before this episode aired) - David did actually tell her he had a son in her first appearance. Still, I suppose maybe she forgot details like that.

Also, them bringing in a love interest for David, first of all, makes me sad about what they did to his and Rosa’s relationship again, and second, makes me sad because you know this storyline isn’t gonna end well. No way he’s in any state for a relationship at the moment.

Also... I want Susan’s quote “Why can’t people understand that psychosis doesn’t mean you’re dangerous?” on a t-shirt or something. I also want to yell that quote at the top of my lungs whenever I think about the Gaskell storyline from Holby. And whenever I think about how many people were FINE with that storyline, and how many people STILL say “Oh, Holby was so good at handling mental health!!”, as though a show handling depression well on occasion makes it totally okay that they portrayed psychotic people as evil (it does not).

Anyway, even after that line tonight, I expect people to still keep performatively shouting about how “Casualty is saying mental illness makes you a bad person!!” while continuing to say nothing about Holby’s Gaskell story, because no one cared about John and his portrayal, because John was an older psychotic man and not a sad teenage boy like Ollie.

Moving onto the other storylines, I really liked the patient story with the young boy and his brother (the actor playing the older kid was very good too), and I liked how Dylan dealt with the situation. His quote about some children being way too loyal to parents who don’t care... that speaks volumes. Gah. It always gets me when Dylan alludes to his childhood.

If the rest of series 37 is going to keep up this theme about the government screwing over the NHS, good. The fact that it’s making people on Twitter whine about Casualty “becoming too political” is a good sign. Casualty was literally made to be political, that’s the whole point.

Also, they’re still really doing a good job of making the ED feel busy. Props to them for that.

Also also, it still amuses me that I joked they’d go full-on with the whole ‘ripping off the Fredrik storyline’ theme and name an episode “We Need To Talk About Ollie” and then they... actually did. I get it, it’s an obvious reference, but it’s also a bit too specific a title to use twice, I think.

Anyway, next week we get 2 episodes, which is wild because I thought they’d stop the double episodes after they went back to 50 minutes.

#BBC Casualty #David Hide #Rosalene Hide #Casualty spoilers #tw;suicide mention

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dream-wreck · 4 years

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Count On You

Surprise! “Count On Me” has an unintended part 2.

Chapter 2 Title: Count On You Rating: G Word Count: 1,668 Description: When the office door closes, Neil can be alone in his own world. That's not always a good thing.

…..

Of all things, Neil missed spaghetti the most. Jarred red sauce, fifty-cent pasta, pre-grated parmesan (if he was feeling especially bougie). Nothing could beat it. He didn’t miss the reflux, but he’d deck his esophageal halls with ulcers if it meant eating a real meal, a heaping bowl of comfort food that would leave him full and sluggish and knock Insomnia flat on its back.

Neil ran his thumb over a medicine-purple protein bar wrapper, smoothing out the perforated ends between the flesh of his thumb and index finger. The yellow POWER BAR logo rippled and glimmered under his office lights like a cheap trick.

Clearly, the graphic designers had no idea that their chosen font and colors made the meal replacement look like a cartoon villain’s mind-controlling sugar bar. This one was supposed to taste vaguely reminiscent of peanut butter, which he’d discovered was easier to stomach than the artificial vanilla flavor that stuck to his tongue for hours after the fact.

He tore the wrapping down the middle. The sickly brown bar revealed itself, shedding its tacky cape.

He took a vengeful bite out of the bar, feeling as triumphant as he possibly could while chewing something that tasted like cardboard soaked in old peanut oil. Just last week, these weren’t so bad. He could stomach them and they had tasted pretty decent.

I was thinking of you the entire time, he’d eventually say to a heaping bowl of angel hair pasta and marinara.

Eventually. One day, soon. When all this was over, Neil could quit skipping meals and popping pain pills like tic tacs and Mentos.

The single bite of bar began to disintegrate in his mouth the same way a bad piece of gum chewed too long turns into a compound of sand and slime. Neil choked the mixture down and lunged for his water bottle. Empty. He turned to the mini fridge and pulled out an ice cold energy drink that had been sitting on standby, untouched, for months.

“Don’t tell Eva,” Neil said, snapping the tab open in the vacant room. The drink went down cold and sweet, washing the gritty paste from his tongue. He’d regret the caffeine in an hour or two, but for now, the familiar bubbles were worth whatever he had coming later.

A lot of things had become worth it recently. He banished the pitiful excuse for a protein bar to the bottom drawer, sitting down in his desk chair, staring at the paperwork that so desperately needed filing. A fib, of course. He’d never filed paperwork on time in his life. Lying to Eva....Neil had yet to discern if that was worth keeping any secret.

What secret? In the end, what could be worth keeping from her? That Neil Watts was mortal? Extraordinary, but mortal. Extraordinarily mortal.

He thought of Eva sitting outside the men’s room while he retched, stretching to keep pace with him in the hall, reminding him about the simple things. There is so much said in reminding someone to take care of themselves in the little ways, to drink water, to take time. Neil wished he were a better listener, that his pride would crumble for a day or two, long enough for him to set good habits and be honest -- with himself, with Eva, with everyone.

Fluorescent humming grated his ears, burned his eyes. He felt new sickness swelling. He shut his eyes to the room’s blue white.

He’d worry a lot less if Eva would just let it drop. She cared too much, that was her problem. She was usually good at hiding it. At work, of course, surrounded all day by dying people and their repressed traumas, you need to find a way to push through it all without completely breaking down, balancing visible empathy with healthy detachment.

Crying in front of the clients doesn’t get the job done, and it certainly doesn’t look good on evaluations.

Their particular line of work called for expert compartmentalization. Eva had mastered concealing a naturally compassionate disposition behind cold professionalism, efficiency, and control. It was never just another day at the office for her, even if she’d sometimes seem unfeeling when the chips were down.

Neil knew her too well. She always wanted to help. She was a problem solver, always trained on an objective, never one to dwell, to stutter-step, to second guess. She never let things lie. Why should a problem go unsolved?

He used to hold that against her, that she couldn’t let things be, that she could get a little control-crazy when things shifted from their right places into wrong places, drifting away from order like moons out of orbit. But she wasn’t the one who had to cheat on her entrance exams. And between the two of them, she seemed to have her life under control.

Neil Watts had looked to Eva Rosalene for a lifetime of answers. He could count on her for anything. She always came in clutch (he’d been watching a lot of Esports streams lately, picking up on the lingo during his late night nausea fits).

It wasn’t a question of whether or not Eva cared about him. It was a question of, if Neil truly believed in Eva Rosalene, why on God’s green earth had he not told her a lick of truth about what was really going on? He dove down for a good answer, or even a scrap of a convoluted selfish reasoning, but resurfaced empty.

In his coat pocket, a little blue bottle pressed against Neil’s thigh. He crossed his arms, but he only grew more aware of the light pressure resting there. It annoyed him, more than anything, like feeling a strand of hair brush along your skin, but just when you think you’ve swiped it away, there it is again, brushing just light enough to frustrate, to aggravate, to piss you off. Neil bounced his knee, trying to shake the coat off his leg, but the bump beneath the white cloth just moused its way back and forth, prodding.

He should do that paperwork. Listen to music or something to pass the time.

His stomach roiled. Neil slipped a hand into his pocket. He closed his fist around the smooth bottle, ran his thumb over the cap, catching his thumbnail along the ridges there. Comforting, he thought. The action really did calm his nerves.

Eva was across the hall. Fifteen steps away. A knock away. A conversation away.

Neil didn’t bother to set a stopwatch so he never knew how long he sat there, his thumb running back and forth over the ridges in the lid while his mind wandered, imagining the many ways that conversation could go, the look on Eva’s face, the disappointment. Daydream Neil started crying, but Real Neil didn’t think that was very dignified, so he started from the beginning, approaching Dr. Eva Rosalene in her office. Figuring she’d probably be busy, he reset to the cafeteria. A nice talk over lunch. When Eva burst into tears and people from the surrounding tables looked their way, Neil chose the park, even though they weren’t in the habit of going to the park together and never had been. But it was quiet, undisturbed. A gorgeous day in this self-revising simulation. He guided Eva to a bench. They sat down. Eva told him to take his time, that she knew something was wrong, that she was glad Neil could finally talk to her. Yes, he was ready. It would be amazing to finally say it out loud. To someone else. To confide. To confess….

He opened his eyes to the harsh light.

Confess? What was that word doing, flitting about in his stream of consciousness?

An email notification pinged on his desktop. He moved to open it with a click. It read:

If you’re up for it, they’re showing Inception and the Cowboy Bebop movie tonight. It’s the weirdest double feature ever so I have to go, it’s the law.

Popcorn’s light on the stomach, right? Let me know, my treat. --Eva

Perfect. He could talk to her then. Simple, easy as that. All that melodramatic daydreaming over nothing. He could talk to her then. Besides: free food.

Neil’s stomach suddenly felt very, very empty. His usual nausea felt like he was too full and ready to burst.

But it suddenly felt as if something small inside were eating away at everything, the lining and the tissue and the bile, hungrily consuming out of a gluttonous jealousy that which consumes. And when there would be nothing left, that small something would eat the air and the Nothing until an impossible vacuum remained. And Neil would also remain, nothing more than a container to conceal a parasitic anomaly, cursed never to be filled again.

His hand closed around the little blue bottle. The pills inside stirred, knocking against the walls of their plastic prison.

The emptiness in his stomach slowly spread into his hips and ribs, knees and neck, his head and the space behind his eyes, until his whole body felt hollow and the hollow spaces felt sore.

This moment was nearly one of those moments that change everything. Very important, nearly pivotal, but not to be realized, lacking the crucial self-awareness that would have sent things this way and that, particularly along different this-es and better thats. The manner in which a single rock falls prevents or triggers a landslide.

Neil drew the bottle from his pocket, poured two little white pills into his palm, tossed them back. They scraped down the dry walls of his throat, as though clawing for a foothold, before eventually settling in the cavern of his stomach, and almost instantaneously, the pain began to dwindle.

Neil didn’t stop to consider the impossibility of this. If he had, it would have made all the difference. But he didn’t, so it did not, and things seemed to remain relatively the same, the distant sound of tumbling rocks drowned by electric humming.

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Chapter 2 end notes: Ended up somewhere unexpected, as writing usually does. My fingers like to run without me sometimes. Pleasant surprises though! Thank you for supporting "Count On Me"! You all are the best :)

Wubnjeft

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I've been reading a lot of science fiction lately.

#lol it was all supposed to stay a one shot #that never happens #count on me #count on you #rosawatts #to the moon #finding paradise #eva rosalene #neil watts #fanfiction #finding paradise fanfiction #drug use #imposter factory

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thousands-of-lives-lived · 6 years

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Detroit: Become Human Au

Neil Watts and Roxie Winters are made for deviant hunting

NW600 and RW600 respectively

Both have a special ability to edit the memories of an Android through touch, which will put an Android back in its place of servitude

Eva Rosalene is a cop in the Android department

Her sister’s family died in a horrible car accident, her Nephew, Jamie, was the only survivor

He died a few hours later during surgery, which an Android had operated on him

Eva has hated Androids ever since then

She was pissed when Neil was assigned to work with her

Their first case is to locate an Android called “Johnny” who went deviant after his owner/lover, River died.

The family who inherited the home from River claimed they knew of Johnny, but he was just a normal man who lived/cared for the lighthouse, and he was very kind

Eva and Neil find Johnny by the cliff, mourning River

Eva comes up with a plan

Neil erases Johnny’s memories so that he believes River is still alive

Eva shoots him in the head

“Why would you shoot a perfect good Android? He could have been repurposed!”

Neil was very confused

Eva tells him that, since River is dead, he would’ve found out eventually, and then just would’ve gone deviant again, and that it was better he died believing he was still with her

Neil reluctantly agreed, and they tossed the body over the cliff, claiming it to be a suicide when the tensions got high

Little did Neil know, the more he used his memory scrambling, the more software instability he would feel

They do a few more cases, not of them ending in any sort of breakthrough as to what is causing the deviancy, but they do their best to fix it anyway

Finally, they come to the case of a deviant named Colin Reed, who was pretending to be a human.

After some time chasing him, they find a second deviant named Faye, who converted Colin to deviance

Eva is attacked, gets injured, and they’re forced to retreat

Neil easily could’ve kept going, but wanted to make sure Eva was okay first

Later, Neil goes and tracks down Faye on his own while Eva is still out on injury

Him and Faye talk, Neil is convinced to turn deviant, but has to hide it from the others

Eventually, Roxie figured it out, but after confronting Neil, she joined him and Faye

Eva and Robert are both very supportive of the Android revolution when it finally comes

After the androids are recognized as actual living people and gain their rights, Roxie and Neil live with their respective partners until they can get a place of their own & until the dust settles

They all remain in the police force investigating Android crimes living their best lives

#eva rosalene #neil watts #roxie winters #roxanne winters #robert lin #rob lin #to the moon #finding paradise

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