The Dungeonmaster (1984)
Let me tell you about The Dungeonmaster, a film so thoroughly incompetent it has to be seen to be believed. You’re going to have to do some digging to get your hands on this one, but that search will only make it sweeter.
Computer technician Paul (Jeffrey Byron) has created an artificial intelligent/personal assistant named X-CaliBR8, whose abilities range from wirelessly accessing ATMs to changing traffic lights on a whim. When Paul's computer skills catch the attention of demon Mestema (Richard Moll), the fiend transports him to a realm of seven challenges. With the help of his computer, Paul must overcome them before he and his girlfriend Gwen (Leslie Wing) lose their souls.
What does a computer have to do with a demon who looks like a cross between Bela Lugosi’s Dracula & Severus Snape, and cackles like the Kurgen from Highlander? Nothing. If there's a word that describes The Dungeon Master, it’s “random”. None of the challenges Paul faces have any sense of escalation, continuity, or logic. Among the obstacles he must face are a giant stone statue, a sadistic rockstar, a serial killer and a werewolf. In any well-written film, you’d have the towering Ray Harryhausen knockoff towards the end. Armed with a laser or not, the walking monolith would be a formidable adversary for anyone. Not here. Opponents that should be imposing go down like a house of cards while mundane ones turn out to be… well, not difficult – but less easy to defeat than the mythical monsters faced previously!
Watching The Dungeon Master is like watching somebody else play a bad video game on "baby" difficulty... with cheat codes. Nearly every enemy goes down in a single hit. There isn’t even any variety in the way Paul takes down the zombie army, the Mad Max knockoffs, the shapeshifting goblin or Jack the Ripper (you read that right). It’s so easy you begin to seriously doubt Mestema's boasts of being Satan himself.
The writing is so poor you never have any idea where the story is headed, how far into the plot you are or how it’s going to end. Then, it suddenly cuts off, as if all seven of the picture's directors got bored and decided what they had so far was good enough. It’s so perplexing you’ll have to watch The Dungeonmaster a second time to realize just how bad the acting is or mismatched the special effects are. It’s such a bizarre picture you dismiss it as the kind of thing no one else in the entire world has seen… until you hear Paul utter the lines “I reject your reality and substitute my own”. Wait. This is where that line comes from?!
The Dungeonmaster is horrendous. I fell in love with it immediately. I plan on ordering a DVD or Blu-ray to replace this dusty VHS I have in hand (I hear that’s an alternate cut that’s R-Rated, which ought to be fun as there’s quite a bit of nudity hinted at, but never shown in this PG-13 version). Hopefully, the bonus featured includes some of the trailers that come AFTER the film. The least exciting is for Cheech & Chong's The Corsican Brothers, in which the stoners play 18th-Century twin brothers who have a psychic link allowing them to feel each others’ pain. The one before is for New York Nights, a drama that screams “sexploitation” so loud it looks like a parody. The preview that baffled me the most, however, was for a film called The Party Animal, whose plot appears to be about a horny loser who trades his soul for the Midas Touch of arousal. The movie looks so horrible I kind of feel as though I need to see it. Even without them, The Dungeonmaster is a gem of the "so bad it's good" realm waiting to be discovered. (On VHS, April 8, 2018)
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Oh man I just watched Arena, that movie is amazing! I could totally see that working if they did a remake with a proper budget and met a few key conditions. First of all, you keep that cheesy 80's aesthetic, that's the heart and soul of that movie and people love retro stuff. Also keep as much physical puppetry for the aliens as possible because that actually worked REALLY well in some of the fight scenes, especially because that dude punching a big puppet had some real impact to it, but you get some MMA people to coordinate the fight scenes so they look practical.
Then have some writers flesh out the love story more, because it was just sort of lazily included as a necessity, and for the score....I don't know if it would be better to keep that Richard Band cheese and just give it some modern flare or just give it to like a John Williams type. Someone like a James Gunn or a Peter Jackson could do really well with it, if they could curb their big budget tendencies and return to their roots as makers of glorious schlock.
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Enter the Video Store: Empire of Screams will be released on June 27 via Arrow Video. The Blu-ray box set includes five genre films produced by Charles Band’s Empire Pictures: The Dungeonmaster, Dolls, Cellar Dweller, Arena, and Robot Jox.
The Dungeonmaster is a 1984 fantasy-horror anthology with segments directed by David Allen, Charles Band, John Carl Buechler, Steven Ford, Peter Manoogian, Ted Nicolaou, and Rosemarie Turko.
Dolls is a 1987 horror film directed by Stuart Gordon and written by Ed Naha. Stephen Lee, Guy Rolfe, Hilary Mason, Ian Patrick Williams, and Bunty Bailey star.
Cellar Dweller is a 1987 horror film directed by John Carl Buechler and written by Don Mancini. Debrah Farentino, Brian Robbins, Pamela Bellwood, Vince Edwards, Jeffrey Combs, and Yvonne De Carlo star.
Arena is a 1989 sci-fi action film directed by Peter Manoogian and written by Danny Bilson and Paul De Meo. Paul Satterfield, Hamilton Camp, and Claudia Christian star.
Robot Jox is a 1990 post-apocalyptic sci-fi action film directed by Stuart Gordon and written by Joe Haldeman. Gary Graham, Anne-Marie Johnson, Paul Koslo, Robert Sampson, Danny Kamekona, Hilary Mason, and Michael Alldredge star.
The limited edition box set includes 15 postcards, five double-sided posters, Arrow Video membership card, and 80-page book featuring new writing by Lee Gambin, Dave Jay, Megan Navarro, and John Harrison plus archival material.
Each film is housed in its own Blu-ray case with reversible sleeves featuring original and new art by Ilan Sheady, packaged together inside a box with art by Laurie Greasley. Specs and special features can be found below.
The Dungeonmaster:
New 2K restoration from the original negative with original lossless mono audio
3 cut of the film: US theatrical version, pre-release version, and international version (under the title Ragewar)
Audio commentary with actor Jeffrey Byron, moderated by film critics Matty Budrewicz and Dave Wain (new)
Interview with actor Jeffrey Byron (new)
Theatrical trailers
Image gallery
Computer programmer Paul Bradford is sucked into a fantasy world by Mestema, a demonic sorcerer in search of a worthy opponent.
Dolls:
New 2K restoration from the original interpositive with original lossless stereo audio
Audio commentary by David Decoteau, Empire alumnus and friend of Stuart Gordon (new)
Audio commentary by director Stuart Gordon and writer Ed Naha
Audio commentary by cast members Carolyn Purdy-Gordon, Stephen Lee, Carrie Lorraine, and Ian Patrick Williams
Interview with editor Lee Percy (new)
Toys of Terror: The Making of Dolls - Interviews with Gordon, Yuzna, Purdy-Gordon, Williams, Charles Band, and Gabe Bartalos
Film-to-storyboard comparison
Theatrical trailers
Image gallery
A group of strangers find themselves forced to seek shelter at the isolated home of an old toymaker and his wife, only to find that the puppets and dolls have a vicious life of their own.
Cellar Dweller:
Additional picture restoration with original lossless stereo audio
Audio commentary by special make-up effects artist Michael Deak, moderated by film critics Matty Budrewicz and Dave Wain (new)
Grabbed by the Ghoulies - An appreciation of John Carl Buechler by film critics Matty Budrewicz and Dave Wain (new)
Interview with special make-up effects artist Michael Deak (new)
Original sales sheet
Original production notes
VHS trailer
Empire Pictures trailer reel
Image galleries
A comic book artist (Jeffrey Combs) with a penchant for the macabre takes inspiration from an ancient tome and unleashes an ancient evil.
Arena:
New 2K restoration from the last known surviving 35mm elements with original lossless stereo audio
Alternative full frame presentation
Audio commentary by director Peter Manoogian, moderated by film critics Matty Budrewicz and Dave Wain (new)
Interview with co-writer Danny Bilson (new)
Interview with special make-up effects artist Michael Deak (new)
Theatrical trailer
Image gallery
In the far future of 4038, a short order cook becomes the first human in 50 years to compete in an intergalactic boxing event on the far side of the universe.
Robot Jox
New 2K restoration from the original negative with original lossless stereo audio
Audio commentary by director Stuart Gordon
Audio commentary by associate effects director Paul Gentry, mechanical effects artist Mark Rappaport, and stop-motion animator Paul Jessel
Interview with actor Gary Graham (new)
Interview with actor Anne-Marie Johnson (new)
Interview with actor Paul Koslo
The Scale of Battle: David Allen and the FX of Robot Jox - Interviews with visual effects artists Steve Burg, Yancy Calzeda, Paul Gentry, Kevin Kutchaver, Dennis Muren and John Vincent (new)
Original sales sheet
Original production notes
Theatrical trailer
Image galleries
Men and women pilot giant machines in gladiatorial battle to settle international disputes over territory.
Also included:
15 postcard-sized art cards
5 double-sided posters
Arrow Video “membership card”
80-page perfect-bound book featuring new writing by Lee Gambin, Dave Jay, Megan Navarro, and John Harrison plus archival material
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