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diyunho · 7 years

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The Joker x Reader - “Gotham’s Gift to Women”

While coming back from the club, you and The Joker were involved in a car accident and both got some nasty concussions. For same strange reason, you don’t remember each other. Hopefully it won’t last for too long, but in the meantime poor Frost has to deal with two calamities clashing. You can’t stop the damage; one hopes to contain it.

“Are you sure he’s my boyfriend?” you pull on Frost’s jacket, not trusting what he just told you. He is standing to your right after shortly briefing Gotham’s King and Queen about what happened.

“Yes, Y/N, Mister J is your boyfriend,” Jonny confirms, trying to keep things together. Knowing you two, it’s not going to be easy.

“Are you sure? He seems so grouchy,” you pucker your lips, looking at The Joker that sits at the other end of the table, crabby as hell. “But I have a bubbly personality, why would I be with someone cranky like him?” you insist and poor Frost hopes shit won’t go down.

“You realize I can hear you, right?” J snarls, frustrated, tapping his fingers on the grape juice can he keeps on sipping from.

“Do I love him?” and it sounds so painful to get it out of you.

“E-hem, yes, you adore Mister J,” Frost fake coughs, nervous to be the center of attention. Crap, he doesn’t want to answer all these questions but what choice does he have?!

“Are you sure?” you double check again, not pleased with his first answer.

“Yes, I’m sure.”

“Pfftt,” The Joker huffs, “What’s not there to adore, hm? I mean, I’m close to perfection, woman. Can’t you tell ?!” J glorifies himself right away.

“Ummm…” you hesitate, glaring at the green haired man.

“Frost, why didn’t I kill her yet? She has such a goddamned attitude!” your apparent… “boyfriend” snaps, irritated.

“Because you like her, sir,” Jonny gets startled at the new twist. Jeez, hopefully his boss won’t try anything. If he would remember you, it should be fine, but since you are kind of starting fresh: two calamities clashing; you can’t stop the damage. One hopes to contain it.

“Like her?! How?! Was I in my right mind when I agreed to date her?!”

Is this a trick question? Frost thinks, on the brink of sweating from anxiety.

“You were, boss,” and Jonny seems so sincere that J gives you a super–mean glare, appalled.

“Unheard of !” The Joker sniffles, considering getting rid of your body tonight after squeezing the life out of you himself. “What’s your name, woman?”

“Y/N,” you frown, considering dumping his body in the river tonight after stabbing him or something. “What’s your name, dude?”

“Mister J!” he raises his voice, upset you called him “dude”.

“And J comes from what?” you continue. Apparently, you love playing with fire. Ahhh, if you could only remember.

“Joker!!!” he shouts, more and more irritated.

“Why are you yelling?!” you get pissed. “I can hear you, alright ?! Frost,” you address him, “are you 100% this is my boyfriend? Are you certain you’re not fucking with me?!”

“I’m not fucking with you,” Jonny holds his breath, praying in his mind and he never really prays; now seems like a good opportunity to start.

“Shut up, Y/N !!” J slams his fist on the table, kicking the empty chair next to him in the process.

“Oh my God, is that how you talk to ladies?!” you gasp, surprised. “How did you even get a girlfriend with this temper?! Especially a fine one like me!”

“Whaaaa’ ????????” his blue eyes get so big you have to inquire:

“Are you ok? Seems like you’re about to have a stroke.”

“Mister J, Y/N, please calm down,” Frost is working his magic, starting to sweat; he can’t help it, too much tension. “I promise you two like each other, I swear you do!”

You and that dude that calls himself Joker stare at one another, doubtful.

“He’s horrible!”

“She’s dreadful!” you both say it in the same time.

J leans over the table, pointing his finger at you, so furious he wants to shoot you on the spot.

“Listen here…” he begins his speech and the partially unbuttoned purple coat reveals some ink on his pale skin.

“Oh, you have tattoos?” you suddenly become very curious and forget you were just about to shoot him.

“Huh?” The Joker loses train of thought. “Yeah, I do,” he straightens his back, suspicions.

“I love guys with tattoos, can I see?” you get up from your spot and walk towards him.

Frost is about to faint and he is a very strong man: you usually use this strategy when you want to get close to somebody and kill them.

“Y/N, please don’t do…” and his cell alerts him there is an incoming text message. Jonny reads it right away. Emergency, of course, he has to leave. But how can he go when his boss and girl…Never mind. The Joker took off his coat to show you his tattoos and you genuinely look interested. If you wanted to try and murder him, you would have attacked by now.

“I have to go, I’m needed at the hideout; our guns shipment has arrived,” he announces and you both signal him it’s fine. He heads towards the exit, completely worried but wishing nothing bad will happen in his absence.

“These are sooo cool,” you circle around J , admiring the work. You suddenly stop and look down you cleavage. “Oh, I have tattoos also,” and without any warning you take your top off, apparently showing The Joker your lacy bra and your own ink.

He purrs and you pout.

“What are those sounds?!”

“Dunno, just came out,” he mutters, continuing to check you out. (The tattoos, of course, nothing else.)

What a weirdo, you think, but then you notice due to your low–cut jeans:

“Oohhh, is this your name on my pelvis …??”

Yup, there it is: “Property of Joker.”

“Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!” the crazy laugh makes you squint your eyes; it’s just like listening to chalk scraping on a board. Makes you shiver. �� This is hilarious!” J continues to laugh. “I guess I marked my territory!”

Is he trying to be funny?! Because he’s not. You refuse to believe this is your boyfriend.

Then you see it since his Batsy shorts slid down his waist. You gesture towards the area, triumphant:

“I wouldn’t laugh if I were you,” that wide smirk on your face makes him look down and his snickering comes to an abrupt stop:

“Is that your name on my pelvis …?”

Yup, there it is: “ Only Y/N’s “.

Your turn to laugh:

“This is hysterical ! I guess I marked my territory too!”

The Joker instantaneously hates it.

Are you trying to be funny? Because you’re not. He refuses to believe you’re his girlfriend.

He growls and you bite your cheek. “What are those sounds?!”

“Dunno, just came out,” he bitterly replies, wanting to get into his purple coat again.

“Do you work out a lot?” you flutter your eyelashes at him, distracted by those perfect abs. “Yeah, I do,” J cracks his neck. “Do you?” he stares at your body up and down, admitting the view is far from unattractive.

“A-ha, every other day,” you sniffle, putting your shirt back on. “Taking a shower now.”

“Why do I care?” he snarls, scoffing.

“I was just saying; are you getting mad again?! What’s wrong with you?! Can’t you control yourself?!”

The Joker’s left eye is twitching.

“Listen here, woman, I am the King of Gotham; I own this town!! I’m not gonna let…”

“You like being bossy, don’t you?” you fight back because he’s rubbing you the wrong way. “How can you be my man?! You’re so… so…” and you back out since he has this menacing expression on his face while stepping towards you.

He traps you against the wall and punches the panel close to your head so hard you hear the fingers snap. At this point you prepare to gauge his eyes out or kick him in the nuts, whatever works the best.

“Nobody talks to me like that!!! Ever!! I’m going to…”

You have no idea why, but you sniffle his neck and whisper:

“You smell nice, what are you wearing?”

“Huh?” he pushes his body against yours, still aggravated.

“What cologne are you using? I like it,” and you inhaling his scent again makes him purr.

“I don’t know, just grabbed a bottle from the pile,” he tries to concentrate on his anger directed towards you but can’t.

“What are those sounds?!”

“Dunno, just came out,” and he releases you, mustering the strength to not kill you for your repeated offenses.

“I’ll go then…” and you head towards the bathroom, leaving a very confused Joker behind. He’s trying to plot your murder and creativity seems to lack tonight. How boring!

****************

You come out of the shower and there he is, with a narrow towel around his waist, leaning against the sink. “Ahhh!!!!” you scream, grabbing a fluffy robe really fast to cover your naked body. “You perv !! Get out!” and you toss a box of tissue at him, your lipstick and make-up removing pads.

“What the hell, woman?! I’m just waiting for my turn ! “

“Liar! You just want to see me naked!” you whimper, feeling weird with him gazing at you like that. “There are more bathrooms here, use another one!”

“I like this one, ok ??!! I can do whatever I want, I’m The Joker!!!” and he takes his towel off. It falls at his feet and you can’t help but stare, fascinated.

“Who’s the perv, hm?” he lashes out as he passes by you to get in the shower. “My magnificent eyes are up here !!” he shows you and gets inside the bathtub, pulling the curtain around.

Wow, is that why he’s my boyfriend?! you wonder, intrigued, still not moving. What a nice package, you sigh. Too bad he’s a jerk. And you storm out, wanting to get ready for the night.

The Joker pours some shampoo in his hair, thinking:

Wow, is that why she’s my girlfriend?! Nicely assembled Doll. Too bad she’s a pain in the ass.

**************

He finds you in front of the fireplace in the living room.

“This is my favorite spot, beat it!” he barks, imitating your position on the furry blanket you placed yourself on about 10 minutes ago.

“This is my favorite spot so be considerate and let me have it,” you roll on your tummy, resting your chin on your arm. “Ladies first!”

“No, I don’t think so!!” and he shoves himself into you so he can push you away. You fight back because you don’t want to abandon you position.

“Would you go away!??” and you regret leaving your favorite knife in the bedroom. It would come in handy now.

“No, this is my spot!!” he gets vexed, regretting he left his favorite gun on the hallway. It would come in handy right now.

You land on top of The Joker, struggling to push him off the blanket. You lean over to scratch his arm and…

“You smell nice,” he sniffs you, growling. “What is it?”

“Jasmine body shower” you manage to hold one of his hands in place, panting from the effort. Damn, he’s strong!

“I love jasmine!” he purrs and you halt, puzzled.

“What are these sounds?!”

“Dunno, just came out,” The Joker grumbles.

“It sounds kind of sexy…” you lick your lower lip, letting go of his arm.

“Does it?!” He’s surprised himself.

You nod a yes, inspecting the tattoos and the smooth skin since he’s wearing just a pair of sweatpants.

“So who’s going to use the fireplace?” you have to ask, furrowing your eyebrows.

“Well, I guess you can stay. I’ll allow you this time.” “Ha, allow me?!” you want to start ranting and he gets ready to strangle you, but then you notice:

“Hmmm, you smell yummy. What is it?”

“I have no clue, Kitten, just grabbed something from the pile again,” J moves his hands down your thighs, captivated with the soft skin he feels from under your shorts. “Did you just call me Kitten?!” “Apparently,” his hands move up and down again.

“Why?”

“Dunno, just came out,” he lifts his shoulders up and you are sort of mesmerized by that silver grin.

“It sounds kind of sexy,” you moan in his ear and he pulls down on your shorts, testing the waters. Are you going to reject him or not?

“Does it?”

“For sure,” you kiss his neck, stretching on top of him and it makes him lose concentration.

“I’m only doing you this favor once, ok?” he grunts, getting all excited under your touch.

“What favor?” you mumble, biting his ear.

“Sleeping with you. We obviously hate each other, I don’t care what Frost says.”

“You’re doing me a favor?!” your temper dictates the switch of mood in a matter of a split second.

“Of course, I’m Gotham’s gift to women!”

“You’re what?!”

“You heard me,” he slaps your butt, enticed. “Less yapping and more accomplishments, Y/N!” J demands, pulling you in a rough kiss.

You so want to give him a piece of your mind, but for some strange reason you melt in his arms and your sassiness disappears in thin air. Momentarily, of course.

****************

“Oh my God, you’re so wild!” you collapse next to him, exhausted, crawling to rest your head on his chest. You feel his heart beating very fast; yours is too.

Is this why he’s your boyfriend?! “Holy shit you’re naughty! I’m beat!” The Joker exhales, holding you close to him.

Is this why she’s my girlfriend?! J thinks, staring at the ceiling.

You cuddle to him even more, closing your eyes.

He starts purring, playing with a strand of your hair.

“I like the sounds you make…” you yawn, listening to him.

“Do you?”

“U-hum…” the confession follows while you caress his abs.

“Told you I’m Gotham’s gift to women,” he proudly states, the cockiness taking over.

“Not to women, just my gift,” you outline the “Only Y/N’s ” tattoo on his pelvis and it tickles. “ I guess that’s how I mark my territory,” you giggle and he gropes you.

“I wouldn’t laugh too loud,” his fingers going down to your “Property of Joker” tattoo. “I marked mine too, so we’re even.”

“I’m sure there’s a story behind it,” you smile, wanting to wind down.

How you love playing with fire! Ahhh, if you could only remember…