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gentlemanfrown · 5 years

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Anne looked over at Ann, who was being dressed by Eugenie. The French woman had just finished helping her Miss Lister into her clothes. Anne was sitting on the edge of the bed, reading a letter she’d received from Jeremiah Rawson and which she wanted to tear into a million pieces after reading the first few lines. She hadn’t forgotten they’d sent a thug after her. The only thing that soothed her was looking at Ann being helped into a gorgeous pink dress. Eugenie was aware of Anne’s lovers in recent years and certainly didn’t even blink as she noticed her mistress’ looks at the blonde she was dressing. She just did what she was asked to do, didn’t comment and didn’t judge. It suited Anne rather well.

When Eugenie finished, the woman left the room and Anne’s looks became even more apparent. Ann looked prettier than ever and Anne stood up to place her hands on Ann’s waist, leaning in to kiss her softly. “I wish I could just look at you all day.” She admitted and Ann chuckled with a faint blush on her cheeks. These weeks after their wedding were blissful and Anne had never thought she’d fall this hard for little Miss Ann Walker but she had. She couldn’t stop looking at her, touching her, making love to her... “We’re already late for breakfast,” Ann said. Anne knew that her wife was right, that they really should get a move on and so, with another soft kiss, both women made their way downstairs.

Breakfast was, as all meals with the Listers were, annoying to Anne Lister. Anne hated their slurping, the way they barely chewed before swallowing their food and the constant, insignificant babbling about things that did not interest her. She preferred to either stay quiet or assert her dominance at the table whenever a subject came up she had more knowledge of. Ann, on the other hand, didn’t appear to be bothered. She got on rather well with Marian and Anne was happy that Ann’s pleasant company at least somewhat seized their bickering as a family.

She thought she heard knocking on a door, but seemed to be at the backdoor of the house - which was strange. Every notable visitor knocked on the front door and didn’t come by unannounced as a rule. Every other visitor that came in the back need not knock, as the servants were always there. What in the world, she thought, hoping to hear what it was all about soon, as she counted on the servants telling her everything that went on.

Anne frowned as she heard it: the creaking of the back door opening and a newborn’s cry. A hush fell over the table as they all looked at each other in confusion. “Miss Lister!” the panic in the voice of her former lady’s mate Elizabeth Cordingley made Anne stand up and turn towards the doorway through which the woman entered the dining room. “There- you… There has been…” She stumbled over her words.

Anne frowned. “Cordingley, what’s that crying I hear?” She asked as she started to stride towards the back of the house, Cordingley in her wake. “A baby, ma’am! Someone left an infant here, right outside the door!” She finally managed to inform Anne as she herself laid eyes on the crying infant in a basket.

The child was fair skinned and probably only a few hours old, if that. They hadn’t been cleaned up - blood and white matter still stuck to the child’s face. The rest of the infant could not be seen as he was wrapped in a blanket. “Send for Dr. Kinney.” She commanded which made a servant hurry off quickly. The fact that she could not stomach the man’s leering at her wife should not stand in the way of the logical decision to send for him. She was aware that out of all the medical men in Halifax, he could be here the soonest.

Noticing John was here as well, she looked up at him “Do you know of any tenants that have recently borne a child, John?” She asked him and the man frowned. “Uhm… The Barker family has a wee one, barely two months old.” He told her and Anne looked at the child again. It may not have eaten after it was born.

She was never very fond of children. They puzzled her with the things they said, were generally unclean and they lacked manners. Especially newborns were not pleasant - they were just of no use, Anne thought but that didn’t mean she’d be cold and ruthless. She could not let this infant go without care.

She had read about babies being raised on the bottle, so it was an option to see if they had the ingredients for that but she had also read how often times, those children didn’t thrive. While women were still told to bottle feed, as if it was a proper option, Anne was not convinced of the effectiveness of the concoction doctor’s prescribed. No matter what happened to this baby, she was certain that the first thing the little one needed was feeding - that could not hurt.

“Ask her if she would be so kind as to come down here and feed this infant. I know it is an unusual request but if this child doesn’t eat, it may pass away. We cannot know how long it has been without nutrition.” She explained. “And ask her to bring a diaper. I shall compensate for the cost.” She added quickly, not enjoying the idea of this child defecating on something or other in her house.

It was then that she heard Ann’s voice, not having noted her footsteps approaching. “Oh, my God.” She gasped and while Anne was still standing up, towering over the child, Ann - who had held her sister’s infant children over the years - bent down and picked the child up from the basket without any hesitation. She pulled it flush against her, not at all bothered it seemed, that the child had not been cleaned up. She started to hum softly and rock the baby.

“Miss Walker…” Anne started, not quite sure what she wanted to say. She just hadn’t expected her wife to pick up the child so swiftly and without any uncertainty. Ann didn’t seem to hear her and just put her pinkie in the child’s mouth, seizing the baby’s crying and making Ann’s eyes go wider. “The baby is hungry.” She told Anne with those big eyes that made her heart melt. She now took in the sight of her wife holding a child and looking so natural while doing so. She had never seen it before, Ann with a baby, and it affected her. She looked… so at ease holding a baby and not for the first time, she thought of what a joy it would be to be able to give this woman children of their own. How cruel nature could be, she thought.

“I guessed as much. I sent John to ask Mrs. Barker to come down and feed him, and I’ve sent for Dr. Kenney to look over the baby, to see if anything’s wrong with him and what to do with him.” She explained and walked over to the child. “We shall have to try and find the parents, Ann.” She told her softly as she watched Ann gaze down at the child as if she was already falling in love with the wriggling infant. Ann nodded, darkness falling over her face and Anne had to suppress a sigh. It was better this way, that Ann was aware they were not going to keep this infant.

“We can’t send this angel to an orphanage, Anne. I’ve seen them - they’re horrible!” Ann said and Anne sighed as she placed her hand on Anne’s arm. “We shall see what our options are, Ann. We’ll discuss it with doctor Kenney;” She told her, sure that the man had more information on what to do with abandoned children.

“Come on, let’s go sit by the fire while we wait for the doctor.” She said, ushering Ann towards the living room and taking a towel with her. Once they had arrived in the living room, she proceeded to use it to clear the child’s face of most of the muck with a gentleness that was rare for Anne. For a newborn, he was pretty… handsome, she thought. Ann kept on gazing down at the child, as Anne’s father and sister came to look at the newborn, as well as panic over what to do with it. They were of no use, as per usual, so Anne ignored them and moved the blanket to the side. She saw that the child had all of its limbs and that the ‘it’ was, in fact, a he. “It’s a boy.” She said, flatly - as if announcing it was raining or something as mundaine as that - and then covered him back up to keep him warm. The child was already starting to cry again. Hungry for sure, Anne thought.

“Ma’am, Dr. Kenney is here.” Anne heard and motioned for her servant to let the medical man in. The next ten minutes were filled with the cries of the little boy as he was placed on the sofa and looked over by doctor Kenney who declared the boy ‘perfectly healthy’ which pleased Anne. “It is good you sent for Mrs. Barker. The child does need feeding.” He told Anne who sighed.

“Whatever shall we do with him?” She wondered and subtly glared at the man who was enjoying the sight of her wife instead of just looking at the infant in the blonde’s arms. If only she could assert that she was married to Miss Walker and that it was highly inappropriate to leer at her wife that way. She went to sit on the armrest, next to Ann and placed her arm on the back of the sofa behind Miss Walker’s head to try and at least show that Ann was her’s in some way. Dr. Kenney, unsurprisingly, didn’t get the message.

“We could write to the orphanage in London, or to a workhouse if they’d be willing to take him in.” Dr. Kenney started and Ann looked up immediately. “No. He shall not go to a filthy place such as those institutions!” She told him and pulled the child closer to her chest, making Anne sigh. This was going to be difficult, she decided.

“I… I also know a married couple who have not succeeded in having children. They may be interested in taking him in.” He told the two women in the room. Anne smiled, as that seemed to be a most solution but as she looked down at Ann, she could see her wife’s sadness. “Are they good people?” Anne wondered and the doctor nodded. “They are. They are not incredibly well off but they do well enough. He would not lack anything.” Dr. Kenney explained.

It was then that John came with the news of Mrs. Barker’s arrival. Anne stood up, after giving Ann - a what she hoped was, comforting look - and then went to the back of the house, to thank Mrs. Barker for her willingness to help them and to pay her back for the terrycloth diaper she’d brought. She gave her extra for her willingness to feed the child and asked her to put the diaper on him as well. She’d never changed a child, and she didn’t want to hurt the infant at attempting to herself.

Ann brought the child into the buttery where there was a bench on which Mrs. Barker could feed the boy. Anne thanked Dr. Kenney for his visit and told him she’d come by his home later in the day to discuss the matter of the child, mostly so he wouldn’t be here again, making advances towards her wife. She was afraid, she had to admit it, that after this child was gone, Ann would long for a child and would leave for a man who could give her that. She wasn’t sure how to prevent that from happening.

She returned to the living room. Marian had gone into Halifax, both to go get a few items but probably also to inquire about a woman who may have abandoned a child. Her father had gone upstairs again, maybe to sit with her aunt - she wasn’t sure. She didn’t much care.

She went to sit on the sofa next to Ann, who looked up at her. “You’ll send him away, won’t you?” She asked Anne, who sighed and rubbed her forehead. “Ann, we cannot raise a child. People are already sneering at us, talking behind our backs about the nature of our relationship. Us sitting together at church has people up in arms about how brazen we are. What do you think will happen if we take this boy in? Raise him? Surely, we do not wish to take him in selfishly and have him be talked about, excluded and ridiculed when he could have a family which could give him a future... Ann…” She told her as she grasped her wife’s hand. “Be reasonable.”

Ann frowned sadly as she looked at their hands and sighed. “But… what… what if he came to us for a reason? Marriages are said to be blessed, not burdened by children, are they not? Anne… there is a reason this child was at our doorstep. God… God sent this child to us.” She insisted as she looked up and squeezed Anne’s hand. “It has been done before, unwed women taking in a child. Not together perhaps… but you have the ability to make people accept the strangest things;” She told Anne and pleaded with her: “Say you are not interested in marriage, but that you found this child and he captured your heart and that with my help as a friend you wish to raise him.” She suggested an edge of desperation in her voice. “There is really no direct heir to Shibden. It would make sense that you have someone to bestow it upon.”

How could this woman already be so smitten with this child when he had barely been here two hours, Anne thought. How deep was this wish for a child that Ann, her insecure Ann, wanted to defy all of Halifax and its opinions to care for him? Annecast her eyes at the ceiling. “Ann… Aren’t you trying to go into this a little hastily? We agreed that we shall both give up any hopes for children-” She started but was interrupted by Ann. “But that was before he… came to us, Anne.”

“Ann, people will regard him as illegitimate,” Anne told her firmly. “We cannot pass him off as our own as other couples can.” She told her and Ann pulled her hand away, crossing her arms defiantly and as adorable as Anne thought the sight was, this argument was worrying her. “If he is brought up in an orphanage, people will look at him the same way, Anne and then he will not have people to look out for him as we will.” She told her and frowned. “If you don’t take him, I will. God bestowed this child on us, I am certain of it. He even has your eyes. He was meant for us” She told Anne, as if that was at all possible and Anne had to suppress a groan. How in the world was this going to end, she thought.

Later that day, she made her way towards Dr. Kenney’s house and thought of Ann’s words. She wanted to keep this child. If she did, then they’d need a wetnurse, a proper one who would live with them, preferably. She had heard of people sending their children to their wet nurse’s home only to have them fail to thrive and pass away. A newborn and a wetnurse, that meant two more people in the household to provide for, and the wetnurse could be one more person to possibly cause conflict, which the Listers did not need. She’d want an unmarried one, who had no children and possibly had a child that had recently passed away at birth or a little after, or who had given up her child. She could not take away a mother from her own newborn who needed nourishment, that was for sure. The other necessities would be easy to buy - providing for this child wasn’t what worried her.

One of them would have to take on the child and get him registered. What last name would they give him? Calling him Walker or Lister would surely raise eyebrows. How would they name him without putting down at least a mother, because putting her own name down would be… well, ridiculous. Hopefully, they would find his mother, she thought as she walked on. She’d later write that sentiment down in her diary, though as she walked, the idea of hurting Miss Walker in such a fashion broke her heart and maybe, that thought of giving up the small infant also hurt her.

Her meeting with Dr. Kenney was rather short. He had inquired with the childless parents after he’d left Shibden Hall, but they had said they were not ready to take on a child whom they did not know, even if it was an infant. They were worried about taking in a bastard child, apparently. He said to not know any more families who needed future extra labor, which a child could service. That irked her, that he looked at the baby as possible extra labor alone and then the thought of an orphanage or workhouse, where he may perish or be mistreated was something she wasn’t sure she could stand, nor get Miss Walker to accept.

The thought she was having was not reasonable, as she had told Miss Walker but with a family taking him in off the table… what else could she do? “What… What if I kept him?” She asked, trying not to sound as insecure as she felt about the matter. Dr. Kenney frowned.

“You, ma’am?” He asked, clearly confused.

“Yes.” She simply said.

“It’s… Well, no one could stop you, I suppose.” He told her and Anne knew he was right. There was no law preventing anyone from taking in a child, whether wed or unwed and certainly not when they had the means to raise that child. Maybe it could even be framed as a philanthropic act, finally something ‘a woman would do’, taking in a needy child.

“Obviously I’d have to discuss this with my family, but once I can get a wetnurse, a proper one, there should really be no problem. He would have a much better life at Shibden than in an orphanage.” She told the doctor who looked at her.

He seemed to smile a little. “Well, Miss Lister… You surely are the only woman in your position who would consider doing this. As I said, no one can stop you. There is no reason you cannot take in this child.” He told her. “Though, people will frown at it for sure and question it, as you are unwed.” He reminded her which made Anne smirk.

“Let’s not pretend they do not already find me an oddity, Dr. Kenney.” She told him and he chuckled. He wasn’t as intolerable this evening, she decided.

A few minutes later, she was heading back to Shibden Hall, thinking about the conversation she’d just had. In less than 24 hours her whole world had been turned upside down. She should have prevented Ann from seeing the baby and had Dr. Kenney deal with an arrangement for the child, whether it was a family or an institution, she thought… and yet, the idea of seeing more of Ann with the little boy made a warmth bloom in her chest. Maybe Ann’s idea wasn’t as ludicrous as Anne had first thought. Maybe they could do this. It wouldn’t be the first time Anne defied expectations. Keeping the little chap would be a decision that would please Ann for sure, who could use all happiness in her life. It would possibly be good for their marriage as well, a child to bond them together. Having a child noted down as hers, which she could do, would give her an heir and so Marian had no claim, even if she had a child. Sure, she would have a bastard child on paper but she could still make legal arrangements that he would receive all. If she raised him well, he could become just what she needed. Maybe Ann was right, maybe this child really was a gift of God.

Notes:

Hello everyone!

I tried to do as much research as I could into adoption, guardianship, and apprenticeship but anything about pre-1850 adoption speaks about informal adoptions and as I could not find any sources saying single women could not take on a child or register one, I just went with it. If you have any other sources that could help me out, please let me know and then I may adapt the content of the chapter.

I hope you enjoyed this first full chapter. Any kudos and comments would be greatly appreciated!

Lots of love!

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#gentleman jack #ann walker #anne lister #ann(e)#ann(e)dom #my story

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