Repetitive Conversations

I just kinda got a little writing bug. Tried to summarize several hours worth of daydreaming dialog and kinda didn't do great, but here's this anyway.

"Well, you're not a coward." Maranwe states, the newest vain of the unpleasant conversation they've been having for the past two hours. It started the way this conversation usually does, with her crying and admitting to the part she played in the human incident seven hundred years ago. Trying to take the blame for it. She always does. Taking all the blame and wholly absolving him, Helbram, siting her rank as Bard to the Fairy King as the reason she has responsibility and He doesn't. Repeating how she should have listened to her own instincts, insisting she just couldn't stand to burst his bubble, and begging for forgiveness he's given a thousand times. Even though he doesn't even blame her to begin with.

From there it'd gone a little tangential, as conversations with Maranwe always do. With Helbram trying to shoulder at least some of the burden by siting his violent response to the incident as a reason mistakes should be forgivable, since she insists on hand-waving that as well.

"You have no problem owning up to the mistakes you've made." She offers sympathetically

"And you have no problem taking credit for thing you didn't do." Helbram shoots back, and immediately sees the reflexive hurt flash in her eyes. As she tries to break her eyes away from his, he grabs her shoulder to hold her attention.

His grip is as gentle as any of his other touches, but the adamance of his emotions makes it feel bruising. She tries to focus on his words.

"But only when it's something bad." a quick correction, and steadfast.

She believes him and meets his eyes again.

He stares into them for a moment, trying to read the raw emotions. He so wishes he was as good at this as she is. His own gaze softens and he moves his hand from her shoulder to her cheek.

His touch is still abrasive to her, but she's not blind to the love in it so she leans into his hand all the same willing it to be comforting.

"I wish you could forgive yourself as easily as I do…" he speaks quietly, caressing her cheek bone with his thumb. She doesn't respond. There's nothing she can say that she hasn't already.

Justice and The Magician

(A discussion about the relationship between Marayana and Asra. Just to be clear, the bolded statements are not meant to be objective judgments OR the opinions of the author. They are Marayana's perspective. Please don't eat me o-o)

Marayana and Asra have a...generally strained relationship.

Marayana is probably the least mature of the Maras, she didn't recover from a traumatic incident in their teens as quickly or effectively as Maranwe and Maranell did. This means she didn't quite go through the same growth steps. Marayana is pettier, and angrier then her sisters, she doesn't identify as a pacifist like the others, and she's more likely to hold a grudge, retaliate to an insult, and become aggressively defensive.

This isn't to say that she can't be nice, or even that she's mean in general. Lucio likes her for a reason after all. When she's happy, she's just as good as any of her sisters, she's just more likely to express her negative emotions and in a more negative way.

Despite her likelihood of being mean to people she considers mean. She's not a bully. She hates bullies. She also hates injustice and unfairness. And this is where her problems with Asra comes from. She feels that Asra doesn't treat Lucio fairly, and bullies him.

She understands the problems Asra has with Lucio, and accepts them. She's never asked, or even implied, that Asra should forgive Lucio or "get over it". He has ever right to be and stay mad. He doesn't have to like or even properly get along with Lucio. The only thing she's ever asked for is civility, in her own words "don't be a huge dick all the time".

-Asra isn't fair

Marayana recognizes the awful things Lucio has done in the past, and specifically the things he's done to Asra and recognizes that he needs to be held accountable for those things. She also recognizes the strides Lucio has made as a person and the effort he's putting into improving and getting better and trying to make amends. She feels that Asra doesn't give Lucio credit for all that and still treats him like he's the same awful person he was when he did those awful things.

-Asra is a bully

Marayana is as observant as any of her sisters, and equally empathic. When together as a group she notices Asra's attitude and treatment towards Lucio in ways Lucio himself probably misses. She notices Asra putting Lucio down just to be snarky. She recognizes passive aggression and can feel any genuine loathing or malice in Asra's words or actions. She's not a fan of this kind of behavior, finding passive aggression fake and petty, but she'd be willing to recognize Lucio's deserving of it and simply shoot back when Asra's being more unfair then she deems necessary. But she simply cannot tolerate the "I'm-going-to-tag-along-and-watch-this-cartwreck-so-Nadi-and-I-can-laugh-at-it-later" treatment. She very much views this as blatant bullying and honestly it triggers her. All three of the displaced Maras feel this way, because they all have the same related experiences. People did this to them a lot while they were growing up. Pretended to be friends so they could get information to make fun of or use against them later, some people kept up the charade for *years*. So Marayana has particular outrage when Asra pulls something like that.

For Asra's part, he's never exactly had a problem with Marayana. They generally don't get along when Lucio is concerned, and he doesn't really get how she can love him and defend him like she does. But in the case of other topics and circumstances where Lucio isn't involved they can get along well enough.

If might be asked why they haven't had a talk about their tension. Maras love to talk about their feelings and hate conflict, so why has this been a problem for so long? Well, she intended to. But things didn't go as planned. Her breaking point was at night so she couldn't talk to Asra right away when she'd elected to have discussions about it. So she started with Nadia. That went well and Marayana just had to wait till the next time she saw Asra and could talk to him alone. The next time the trio visited, Marayana didn't get a chance to talk to Asra before he started in on Lucio for that day, and she just lost her temper. They shouted and argued and cursed and the day ended with hard feelings and nothing productive accomplished. The two haven't really talked since.