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fluffairy · 1 year

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when I was 20 and had finished my sophomore year of college, I started writing what I call my Spite Novel. it was based on the horrible things I experienced in my second year of undergrad, but also a sort of re-do of what I would have done differently, in another life. I met a boy around this time, at a party at the apartment of a mutual friend, who treated me with such kindness and respect at a time when I wasn’t getting much of that from anyone else, and at the time it truly felt revelatory. After that semester, I never saw him again — he went abroad, I went abroad, now I can’t even find him on FB or LinkedIn. there’s a character in my novel based on him, but that character has now become so much more than just that boy I saw at parties about three times.

My goal for this year is to finish it, so I reread what I have written so far (a solid 50 pages single-spaced) and so much of it is so /earnest/ and so fraught with anxiety and insecurity. It hurts my heart to think that 6 years ago I acted this way, 6 years ago I felt these things, 6 years ago I thought this would be the best person I would ever meet. It’s also hard bc 6 years on I have /more/ insights into what love is and what relationships are but still no real answers, no real relationship experience to speak of (lmao not counting M which was like three different mindfucks), and even I was talking to my teenage cousin the other day about what a relationship actually /is/ and it reminded me of a scene in my novel where I hash out this exact thing but like,,, I still don’t /know/!

I watched Before Sunrise today bc I wanted some inspo for talking scenes between the protagonist and her lover friend-boy, and I’ve wanted to watch it for a while but kept putting it off bc I wanted it to be ~the right time~, and good lord I think this is one of those movies that changes your life if you’re a certain type of person, and yes, thank you v much, I /am/ that type of person. Immediately after I finished it my aunt told me she doesn’t like it very much, which like cool thanks that’s cute, but anyway, I think it really changed my outlook on a lot. Mostly I’m unbelievably attracted to both Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy, and I’m a raging bisexual, but also the scenes were so cute and sweet and pure even when they weren’t, and the continuation of the story in Before Sunset which I also watched today was also heartbreaking but also hopeful, and I’m going to watch Before Midnight tomorrow and i know it’s going to break my heart more but I just,,,, I want to know what it’s like. I want to have /that kind/ of love. I thought I had it with M but I didn’t. And then I think about B (nice boy from undergrad) and about what we could have been had we gotten together. That’s a fantasy now, but like… who knows, ya know? At the time, that sounded perfect for me, even if it never happened, plans kept getting changed, signals kept getting crossed, etc.

anyways. This was just a thought dump. I’m currently dealing with the aftermath of ~knee surgery~ so I’m stranded on the couch and in my bed and feeling kind of powerless and useless so this is what I’m thinking about. Maybe now really is the perfect time to finish my novel lol

#the spite novel #before sunrise

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iampikachuhearmeroar · 4 years

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honestly one thing i can’t stand during job hunting is that when i see posts on my fb feed from my area’s local jobs board or even my local uni’s buy & sell page for jobs at supermarkets or maccas.... where half the time the people posting them don’t seem know the difference between you’re and your and say things such as: “if YOUR hardworking, trustworthy and reliable and also have a good attention to detail; come in with your resume to meet us and discuss your availability’s!”.

like first of all, the first instance of the use of “your” is meant to be “you’re”. also “availability’s” is spelt wrong too!!! it’s “availabilities”, janice from *insert here* woolies/coles/iga or maccas or even some retail shops like supré. so, let me get this straight: YOU want candidates to have “good attention to detail”, when you very obviously overlook your spelling errors and misuse of nouns in your very own job ad??? where’s your attention to detail, janice? UGH. the hypocrisy lmao.

don’t get me wrong. i get it. it’s not a professional job board group or site like linkedin or seek et al.. so then you feel like you don’t need to be a stickler for correct grammar, because you’re connecting with anyone and everyone in the community- from high school students to older workers. so then spelling and grammar apparently dont really matter if you’re trying to sound casual and also managing to get your point across clearly enough.

but y’all. it matters to me. an english and philosophy grad. although those two titles are basically not worth mentioning for a supermarket job.... and apparently regarded as worthless by everyone anyway. but it ain’t useless if i could point out your grammatical errors and perhaps get paid for it at some point in the future. not totally worthless after all, that one editing subject i did.

like you can say what you want about people not paying attention to what they write on social media, but like. they’re posting a job ad where they’re asking for “attention to detail” when they clearly lack that quality themselves lmao. because it happens so often and it grinds my gears.

for example, the hairdresser that i went to in january to do my hair rose gold keeps posting for a new senior hairdresser position and also the appointment times for their current hair stylists.... but they keep using “availability’s” instead of “availabilities”. and it drives me up the goddamned wall lmao. especially since in a job like hairdressing, attention to detail really matters in a sense, unlike stacking shelves with idek easy mac pasta at 4am in woolworths/woolies, they seem to lack the ability to pay attention to detail with their spelling.

another time a local subway joint (the sandwhich place, not a train station or something) posted a photo of two employees in front of a sign that said “WHERE HIRING!!!!”. they legit used WHERE (as in “where are you?”) instead of “WE’RE” (ie. WE ARE) LITERALLY. I ALMOST FUCKING DIED OUT OF EMBARRASSMENT WHEN I SAW THAT GODFORSAKEN POST!!!! and they thought that was okay to post on a job board?????!!!!! JUST LEARN TO FUCKING SPELL AND USE CORRCET FUCKING SPELLING AND GRAMMAR ETC!!!!!! I SWEAR TO MOTHERFUCKING GOD!!!!!!

anyway here’s my rant for august 2020 lmao.

#life #about me #shut up ilona #ilona’s job hunting thoughts and woes lmao #but seriously though #does this irritate anyone else lmao

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purplesurveys · 3 years

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1237

disclaimer I’ll be taking into account the last 24 hours for the first part because it’s 3 in the morning and I haven’t really done anything yet lmao anywho

survey by chasingghosts

Have you today?

Looked in a mirror? Yeah I took a shower earlier so I couldn’t really avoid the mirror in the bathroom.

Watered a plant? I don’t do plants. Can never take care of them to save my life.

Worn denim? I did, actually. Some package came for me earlier today and I didn’t really look the most decent, so before heading out to meet the delivery guy I grabbed the first jacket I saw, which was denim.

Washed your hair? Yes, when I took said shower a couple of hours ago.

Been in pain? Yup my back and shoulders feel like hell from sitting on my ass all day while at work.

Had a nap? Kinda, I guess? I fell asleep at around 9, 9:30ish...woke up at around 1 AM, and here I am now. I don’t plan on sleeping anymore.

Brushed your teeth? Yup.

Kissed someone? Just my dogs.

Used a cheese grater? No, I don’t think I’ve consumed any cheese today either.

Eaten something sweet? Nah, it’s all been salty/savory for me today.

Spoken to a stranger? Sure.

Dropped something? I drop my vape pen at least once a day, so yes.

Felt upset in some way? UGH yeah. Our internet disappeared at around 2 in the afternoon and it still hasn’t come back, and our service provider’s social media has been unsurprisingly unresponsive and useless. I’ve been using data since then and I’m just worried about how long this would take because I don’t want to keep spending just for extra load. I also have my Korean language classes this afternoon which will for sure require a lot of data :/

Drank coffee? I have a full mug of it beside me right now.

Walked for more than thirty minutes? LOL no, I’ve only stayed indoors.

Signed up for something? Hmm I don’t think so.

Travelled in a car? See two answers above this.

Opened a can? Nopes.

Thought about doing something crazy? Just me thinking about dropping another couple thousands on merch until I mentally slapped myself and told myself I’d be fucking stupid if I spent on one more piece of stupid merch.

Listened to a new song? Yes, I tried listening to Love Shot by EXO over dinner since my sister had started humming it. It was okay but I quickly shifted back to BTS right after hahaha.

Written in a notebook? No. I only do so when I practice my Hangul but I have yet to work on that today.

Fed an animal? Yes, I have pets.

Checked your emails? I mean that’s kind of the standard in my job lol I have my Gmail tab up throughout the 8 hours.

Told someone you love them? No.

Made a phone call? No, I’m rarely the one who makes the call.

Have you in the last week?

Travelled on a bus? I’ve never ridden a bus solely for commuting by myself. I’ve only been on them when it’s the arranged vehicle, like for school field trips or our family vacations. Our public buses are quite bleck and unsanitary and the drivers maneuver the buses like it’s their last goddamn hour on the planet, so I don’t get on them myself.

Washed your face? I mean yeah, when I take showers. I don’t really have a skincare routine though, if that’s what you mean.

Used a blender? We rarely have a use for a blender at home so we don’t even have one.

Received a phone call? No. My biggest pet peeve is when delivery riders call me up once they’ve arrived at our place just to say “I’m here,” but fortunately the one assigned to me today to deliver my package knew how to use the doorbell.

Talked to someone you dislike? Yeah I have to deal with a client I absolutely fucking despise everyday.

Consumed alcohol? I’ve thought of it, but then I thought of how sleepy I get whenever I drink alcohol and decided against it because I wanted to stay up tonight.

Eaten pasta? Yeah, my dad made Filipino-style spaghetti for dinner the other evening.

Planned for an event? Not an event per se but sure, I made some plans? Punk is slated to make his debut on AEW/return to pro wrestling next weekend or sometime soon, idrk - and this is a big fucking deal omg, 15 year old Robyn has arisen from her grave - and Andi and I made plans to watch it together so we can freak the fuck out.

Asked someone for a favour? Yes. I borrowed cash from my mom since the delivery fee for my packaging earlier was apparently cash on delivery.

Watched something funny? I mean I watch BTS clips pretty much everyday and a gigantic chunk of them are hilarious.

Trimmed your nails? No, but I did bite on them multiple times.

Browsed Reddit? I did actually! After a super long time of not doing so...I just decided to randomly check out r/bangtan to see what’s going on there. It’s mostly Americans though so idk if I’ll make a habit out of browsing.

Talked to yourself? Oh this happens a few times a day.

Purchased tickets for something? Nope.

Felt like you were annoying someone? Just about everyday.

Cleaned a toilet? I have not.

Reminisced about the past? Not really. I’ve made references to the past with friends, but we didn’t ~reminisce.

Used headphones? Yeah I always use my headphones when playing Rhythm Hive so I can hear the beats better.

Laughed with a friend? Many times. Always just virtually, though.

Cooked dinner and then didn't feel hungry? I don’t cook.

Written a list? LOL yes. My period had been coming and I noticed I was crying over the smallest, stupid things, so I started a list of the things I cried over the last week. The funniest item on the list is probably an ad that was shown to us during a campaign briefing...

Played an instrument? Nope.

Felt jealous or envious? I will sometimes feel the tiniest tinge of envy and wistfulness when I see my friends in happy and fulfilled relationships, but it passes in a second.

Ignored a text message on purpose? So many hahahahahahah

Congratulated someone? Yes!!! Graduation season was last week so I congratulated a shit ton of friends.

Have you in the last month?

Made a piece of art? Making art was never made for me, so no.

Rewatched one of your favourite tv shows or movies? Yep, I rewatched Friends a couple of weeks ago.

Called a plumber? Nope.

Been to a see a doctor? I mean, technically I guess yeah? When I had to get my vaccine shot.

Finished a book? I haven’t done that in a while.

Had a crush on someone? Just celebrities but I won’t count those.

Travelled on a train? I haven’t.

Worn heels? Haven’t done this either.

Been to a friend's house? I’ve been to Angela’s house semi-regularly, yup.

Shared a bed with someone? Nah.

Been to see a movie at the cinema? I haven’t been to the cinema in like a year and a half.

Paid attention to celebrity drama? Erm not really. I also haven’t been up to date with that, especially with American celebrities hahaha.

Felt anxious? Maybe not anxious but nervous.

Taken an elevator? Yeah in Mega since that place is so goddamn big.

Given someone the cold shoulder? Yep, my mom when she is being extra annoying/condescending.

Purchased a new book/game/movie? I guess you can say that? I bought a subscription pack on Rhythm Hive because I was using it regularly anyway.

Applied for a job? I already have a job, so no. I did get a job proposal on Linkedin a couple of weeks ago with another PR firm, but I took a look at their clients just to see if the offer was something I could sink my teeth into - and even though their brands were quite high-profile, they were in industries I didn’t particularly find interesting.

Used a printer? Nah.

Had lunch in a park? No.

Gotten a manicure or pedicure? I have not.

Made an appointment? Just for my shot but that’s it.

Had a blood test done? Noooooo not another one of those plz.

Suffered from a major bruise? Not a major bruise but a huge bloody gash on my thigh after a particlarly rowdy play session with Cooper. There’s still a very visible scar on me.

Researched a topic in-depth? I do this quite a bit in my work, yes.

Have you in the last year?

Been to the beach? No, I’ve mostly stayed at home since July 2020.

Visited someone in the hospital? I haven’t. Too risky.

Played pinball? No, it’s never interested me.

Travelled on a plane? I haven’t. :(

Worn a costume? Sure, for Halloween last year I went as Dora.

Been thrift shopping? Not that I can recall, no.

Thought about getting pregnant or got pregnant? Definitely not at this point in my life.

Made a big life decision? Uh yeah this past year was both the worst and best rollercoaster I’ve ever been on. I can’t believe it’s almost been a year since that shitty breakup...

Changed a lightbulb? Nope.

Framed something and put it on your wall? No but I have been meaning to do this for months. I just never get around to buying some actual picture frames lol.

Been stargazing? Not the professional kind of way with a telescope and all. I’ve just lied on my back at the rooftop to gaze at the night sky and the stars.

Made a new friend? So many!!! Reena is probably my bestestestest new friend <3 I mean we’ve met a while ago, as Angela’s mutual - even had a few drinks or so together - but we didn’t become closer until just a couple of months ago.

Added to a collection? I’ve had merch that arrive every week or so these days because I bought a ridiculous amount of shit between May and June when I was a new Army. I’ve substantially calmed down now, but I should expect to receive my running list of ordered merch up until September LMAO. At first I used to bitch about the really long shipping period considering all the products come from Korea, but after 3 or 4 fulfilled orders you kinda get used to it.

Been to the dentist? No.

Broken up with someone? Yessss. I didn’t know it at the time but it would turn out to be one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

Held a baby? Nah.

Created a budget? Yeah...doesn’t mean I’ve been successful. I always go over, hehe.

Confessed feelings for someone? There isn’t anyone to do that for.

Had surgery of any kind? Nopes.

Quit a job? No and I have no plans to anytime soon.

Been in a car accident? Nah but my dad has, c/o some stupid and unattentive motorcycle driver.

Purchased something worth over a grand? So in US dollar conversion, around P50,000? Hell no.

Been on vacation at least 500km/300mi from home? No. :( The farthest we’ve been to was Tagaytay and I think that’ll remain the same for a while.

Applied for an academic course? Yes, my Korean class.

Had your photo taken by a professional? No, it’s been over a year since my last professional shoot for my senior photos.

#survey #surveys

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