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#Kinda personal kinda am I losing my mind

bitfruity · 7 months

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i have never been so obsessed and in love with a man before in my life

like as a teenager i liked bands and thought some members were kinda cute but NOTHING has prepared me for the teenage girl in my 20’s level infatuation i have for this man

and then he had the AUDACITY to bring another one into the mix

words cannot explain the amount of gender envy tommy gives me do i want him or do i want to be him?? i look at some pictures of him and go THATS ME THATS HOW I SEE MYSELF

#WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME??#IS THIS JUST WHAT YOUR 20S ARE LIKE?#I AM DOWN BAD #i thought i skipped all this #i never understood all the girls that obsessed over celeb men #but now i get it!!#i kinda feel like i’m losing my mind #this 30 year old man is the only reason i smile #like when did that happen??#tommy got me feeling some type of way #i cant quite explain it but he’s changed something in my brain #i am not the person i was before listening to racked #the amount of gender envy he gives me is unmatched #am i even a girl idk anymore #I AM SCREAMING INTO THE VOID #käärijä #tommy cash #fruity thoughts #i made this at 2am last night in a feverish state but i’m still gonna post it

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the-valiant-valkyrie · 1 year

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talking abt wigfrid and critisism but the further you go the less coherent it becomes. no i will NOT simplify it. read my flop analysis boy.

Something very interesting about Wigfrid that I don't really see in characterizations a lot is the concept of her having... I don't really know what to call it. Not 'a thinner skin', but I suppose the concept of her being wary of how people perceive her.

A lot of interpretations of Wig that I see tend not to go beyond the surface of her persona, that being a confident and overzealous warrior. And to an extent, that is what she is. But I also feel as though it's very important to her character to consider how she got to embracing that persona the way she has to begin with.

'Wigfrid' the actress- whoever she may have been- was clearly incredibly concerned with how she was perceived by others... Most of them being complete strangers to her- people who she'll never meet or get to know, who will never know her in turn. Hell, the opinions of those strangers were the driving force to her accepting Maxwell's deal to begin with! Yes, she wanted her popularity back, but were it not for the people who tore her down with their words alone, she never would have lost it to begin with!

I think the snake motif in Curtain Calls was a very interesting choice for Klei, if only because to me it feels deliberate. The giant serpent she fought within her fantasies manifested itself from her newspapers... The term 'snake' is frequently used to describe individuals who are deceitful and dishonest. To me it doesn't really feel like a coincidence that- of all the beasts, that is the one they choose. A creature who's very title is a double meaning, used to represent the critics who so viciously tear her down, fangs dripping with venomous lies that she can only fight against within the safety of her mind.

"Oh, Savvy-" I can hear you cry, "-Savvy, I think you're reaching a little bit here". Normally I would be inclined to agree. Very frequently I find myself grasping for straws to prop up Klei's otherwise sparse characterizations. However, if the snakes = liars = critics theory isn't enough on its own, I would also like to remind you of what happens after Wigfrid defeats the snake in Curtain Calls. She falls back into reality at the sound of a disembodied voice, and from the newspapers manifests a silhouette of Maxwell. A direct parallel to her fantasy, the news has yet again taken the image of a 'snake'... Of a deceiver. To me, that seems incredibly intentional.

NOT TO MENTION that if the theory is true that MAXWELL MADE UP THE NEWSPAPERS TO BEGIN WITH in an attempt to emotionally manipulate her, then the snake metaphor would make EVEN MORE SENSE because he is LITERALLY making himself tangible out of HIS OWN lies. but i'm NOT GETTING INTO THAT RABBIT HOLE right now because i'm ALREADY DIGRESSING!!!!!

So, now that we can ALL AGREE that Wigfrid's hatred of snakes stems from a bit of self projecting, we can bring up Wigfrid's current, in game hatred of snakes, and perhaps draw a couple of conclusions about how criticism may be effecting her now, as opposed to how it was pre-Constant:

Her unabashed hatred is visibly obvious. She goes about engaging with snakes in a VERY unique way she does the rest of her quarry. She takes great pleasure in their destruction, and goes so far as to label them her enemies, specifically. I looked it up, and as far as I can glean this wouldn't be a pre-establised trait of her persona. This vitriolic snake hatred is entirely stemming from the person underneath.

So. With the context we previously gathered that implies that maybe the reason she sees snakes in such a way is due to the fact that they are practically synonymous with critics and 'liars' to her, I can safely conclude that. um. No, I really do not think she has grown any more of a hide against criticism than she had before accepting Maxwell's deal.

Wigfrid's hatred of snakes was a big part of her character from even before Curtain Calls (obviously, bc shipwreck released way before her refresh did), but I feel like them taking this specific facet of her character- one that's lesser known from her, buried behind her more stereotypical motifs- and adding such important context to it was a intentional act. I refuse to think otherwise.

Even outside of the whole. Snake Thing I spent two hours describing, though. To me it still seems plausible for Wigfrid to act all tough, but take insults very poorly. Yes, in a prideful sort of way- where she feels the need to actively defend herself and her 'honor'- but also just in a... regular way. I don't think it'd show up much in the Constant because. i mean, there's more important things for the survivors to do. but i really do feel like scathing insults would bite her more than someone would expect it to.

Also I just think it would be funny and help flesh out her nuance. Is that a crime. To want to give my girl some nuance. Is that a sin.

#wigfrid: when you've been in the industry for as long as i have you develop a thick skin #maxwell: navy blue is *not* ur color #wigfrid: NAVY BLUE BRINGS OUT MY EYES YOU PRICK #anyways. can you tell i've been wanting to talk abt the snake motif thing for like. months.#idk. if this doesn't make sense yes it does.#you don't know her like i do. i know her flawlessly though. klei told me that all this is true btw #also whoever wrote her hamlet quotes and didn't give her vitriolic lines for the pugalisk DROPPED the ball and should lose their job /j #YEAH. i GUESS you could see her snake hatred as stemming from a personal hatred of poison #but not every snake IS poisonous and she hates them all the same #also impo i kinda feel like. poison. is ALSO a metaphor for critics. when u rlly think abt it.#bitter and venomous words. that insidiously sneak into your mind. killing you slowly. and you can't even fight against them.#to 'spit poison/venom' is to speak maliciously/with intent to harm.#would NOT be surprised if thats how she took slights against her #am i making ANY sense here. idk #“dst wigfrid”

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after-nine-at-the-oasis · 9 months

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I JUST FINISHED EPISODE FOUR AND AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Well technically I didn't JUST finish it I had to stressed-ly pace around my house for three minutes first xd

And then stare at a picture of an otter which was blessedly the first thing on my dash

Uh anyway :')

OVEIAIWNOHWNZLFKSMSHDBWKABWIDBAUWCNSMLQEZ????!?!!!? SOBBING SCREAMING CRYING SHAKING THROWING UP!!?!???!?!!!!!

SEB HOW COULD YOU D O THIS TO ME??? HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO CARLOS?? MY BABY I LOVE YOU BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO RIGHT NOW 😭😭😭 GIVE ME A CIRCUMSTANCE SEB I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED LIKE DID SOMEONE KISS YOU AND WE'RE CALLING THAT IT BECAUSE IF IT NEVER GETS EXPLAINED THAT'S WHAT I'M GOING WITH AND I CAN MAKE WHATEVER I WANT CANON THANK YOU VERY MUCH

ALSO HOW DID THIS HAPPEN SEB YOU CAN'T LIE AND YOU WENT TO CAMP THE SECOND TO LAST DAY

AND JARRED???!?!!!!? SIR WHAT ARE YOU D O I N G HER!????!!?!!!

Okay I'm genuinely struggling to breathe a tiny bit so I'mma take a second lol

Okay I'm back :) did some breathing and a physical exercise to work some of this out lol

Anyway as soon as Seb said he had something to tell Carlos I got SUPER nervous and I was pausing so much but as soon as I started to say it and I saw the subtitles I literally screamed and his for like 3 minutes straight 😭 xd. Y'all I am living my worst life right now lol xd.

WHEN I ASKED FOR SEBLOS ANGST THIS ISN'T WHAT I MEANT!!

But uh anyway I knew Seb was in a knight outfit (boy we had no idea what that promo pic meant 😭) so I was wondering if the pumpkin was someone he sent or MAYBE him, and then I was thinking a) it's Big Red (especially after interrupting Ashlyn and Maddox around the time I was thinking this) b) it's the person Seb cheated with or c) it's both (awful, worst possible option for anything about this situation). And THEN I was like okay so Jarred, is this the dancer, an ex, the guy he cheated with, or both Carlos's ex AND the guy Seb cheated with. Luckily it's just the dancer xd. Not great news, still, but, you know lol.

Frankie wasn't lying when he said these first few episodes were an episode of Housewives 😭

Boy those episodes really can Housewives 😭 xD

Anyway, uhh, I was depressed in the first half but hoping they'd talk and just not come to a total understanding yet, but then by the end I was screaming throwing up losing my mind :) also I'm pretty sure we don't get Seb next episode so :') because now I need to watch HIM beg lol, even it out xD

Also if we don't get Over Again till the last or second to last episode I freaking swear-

ANYWAY! This is not just a seblos post XD. This is an episode four post lol.

Rina is going THROUGH IT 😭😭. I gotta say Ricky I think you should make it clear that Miss Jenn wanted to switch Dani in lol, not you xd. And I also wish they'd both managed to tell each other about the various situations 😬. When Mack first mentioned it I thought Ricky overheard and I went o.o but xd. Also I know you were in front of everyone but Gina why didn't you just explain the mom thing DD:. Poor Ricky he's going through it for real :((. And with college and everything too :'( D':. Anyway they were cute for a bit this episode and they slayed but xdd 😭. I love them <33.

ASHLYN GIRLLL WHAT ARE YOU DOINGGGG!!! Like lowkey 👀👀👀👀 but also girl Big Red 😭😭💔. Unless it was him and Seb in which case I don't think I or this friend group would ever recover but also idk if there would be a need to escalate nonetheless lol- aUAGH ESCALATE THAT REMINDS ME OF SEB-

Whoops sorry lol 🤪 that was so crazy wild 😌

Anyway :D that SONG THOUGHHH!! It was a bop :DD!!! Also not Ashlyn crying when she thought Maddox wasn't okay 😭😭😭💔. Y'all I'm not okay, thank you very much <333

And 😬😬 there's confirmation that Mad and Mad are down - or, as Maddox said lol, bad xd. Sorry guys :(((

Kourtney honey DD:. I swear that's how I start her part every episode XD. At least it's not multiple y's on either word this time lol. Anyway, I'm glad she went out 🥰🥰. I was scared she'd just stay in :((. But while she's CLEARLY stressing, I'm so happy she went to the party and had fun with them :D. And I do think she should look outside of Ivy Leagues, I think something will definitely come from that in some way :).

And speaking of Kourtney SLFKGFJSHDK JET!!! Man is trying his best but it was HILARIOUS lol xDD. Also his moment with Ricky was great xD. But seriously my guy, nice, smooth lol xd. ~Fabric~. Also, little sus over there calling Mack and Ricky hot one after the other xDD. Anyway lol. Also it's really sweet that he helped Maddox with the prank to make it up to her :')) 🥰❤️. I love them so much your honor, thank you very much <3. Another point to that is Maddox's reaction to Ashlyn saying Emmy probably has a crush on him lol xD.

Miss Jenn DD:. I'm sorry honey :((. I'm sorry to Ricky's dad too, he's been great this season DD':. And he's such a MOOD too lol xD. But yeah, honestly, they just don't work great together :'//. And I mean I've wanted them to break up but it was still sad :'( 😭 and I didn't wanna see it I didn't deserve it xD. But nah I'm glad we saw it lol, it's for the best. I'll miss y'all though <33. But not too much xD. Oh and her scene with Ricky and the end was amazing :'DD. I think she's calling Mr. Mazzaraaaa? Idk but I think so and anyway I really loved the scene :'D. Also slay costume lol.

Slay costume EVERYONE y'all were all amazing :DD!!! Everyone slayed so hard they brought the house down 🥰🥰❤️😍🤩✨🥰.

Missing you EJ, Mr. Mazzara, Nini, and Emmy :)). Love you guys <333. Though from the picture on the next episode bit after finishing episode four it looks like EJ's gonna be in the next one :O!!! We love that for us :DD!!!

Anyway yeah xD. Everyone's going through it lol. But I hate to break it to you guys, Carlos is going through it more 😭 xD. Like y'all his boyfriend's been icing him out supposedly because he thinks Carlos cheated on him and when he's finally willing to talk Carlos finds out that Seb cheated on him, and that the lowkey creepy person who bothered him a bit during the night was the person he was accused of, in a documentary that was streamed world wide, is there and wants to be with him. Just. Wow xd. Leave this man ALONE!! Like in the angst department 😭. I mena I love it but come on xdd. Anyway lol!! They seriously are all going through it though lol xD.

Anyway!! This episode was absolutely AMAZING and I loved and despised it :DD. How could you do this to me :')). The music was amazing (y'all that first song was SO FREAKING COOL!!! I loved it it was wild :DDD)!! Both songs were so good, and COMPLETE opposites lol. Despite partially being about the same thing xD. Like storyline wise lol (as in at least a bit about Ashlyn and Maddox being sus). Anyway! The drama was off the CHARTS and it was just a really good episode all around :)). I did genuinely enjoy it lol xdd. Still though, I am going to kill someone <3. I don't know who, but somebody :) xd. And Carlos is death so he's in on it, he'll help me with it lol.

Anyway xD. It was great. I am so freaking scared for the next episode and episodes, thank you :')). But SO EXCITED!! Still dying though lol <333.

NEXT UP IS EPISODE FIVE!!!

#hsmtmts #oasis's hsmtmts chatter #high school musical the musical the series #hsmtmts s4 #high school musical the musical the series season 4 #episode 4 tw 😭 xDD #y'all the maddox and ashlyn fans (which I kinda am lol - multishipper here yk xD) must be going wild but also D: that their stuff was in #such an episode xD #like such a crazy and upsetting one lol #anyway!!!#hsmtmts spoilers #I'm fine thanks how are you :'))#I was scared from the person who said I wasn't ready on a preivous post but I should've been more scare :'D #anyway no matter the situation I better not see any seb hate around me #not that he's not the one that messed up lol #and I better have no point in saying this but I s w e a r if I see a single thing about joe #anyway 🥰#losing my mind :')#SEE Y'ALL IN A BIT!!!

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nikosasaki · 1 year

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girl help!! I really want a new fc for newt (my winx oc) but i cannot make up my mind to save a life so let me play with the poll function for a bit

#chats #pls help me yall sdfgh im losing my mind #but also be prepared for me to ignore the results sdfgh i am who i am!!!#anyway they are in order of my personal preference kinda

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meowingatthesea · 2 years

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ajk;hfdiosa;hefk okay we all know disability tax exists but like the complete mismanagement of the pandemic has really added another one, huh. looking to buy new, really high quality n95s for the summer cause i’m working at a location where i’m 100% going to be exposed to covid, and for 60 n95s (two months! of a four month summer contract) it’s ~$87. And I just have to pay this???? forever?????????? should i invest in like a reusable P100? it might be fucking cheaper long term, but they have replaceable filters so that’s also ridiculous. and like i wouldn’t be so concerned about proper fitting high quality n95s (i’d still wear a mask though) if the pandemic were under better control and everyone else was also masking and people still treated the pandemic like a current issue. I don’t have $87 to drop every two months on masks! but i also dont have however the fuck much to drop on a hypothetical hospital bill or new chronic illness that could arise from covid. so, y’know.

#and i really kinda regret taking this job #it's a job at a summer theatre #i signed the contract in january when i was like 'well the pandemic isn't gonna be over but summer usually sees lower covid levels'#i forgot about the utter disregard for the contiued existence of the pandemic in america #we COULD be at lower covid levels #if we had ANY MITIGATION STRATEGIES AT ALL #but i took the job cause i already am not doing any theatre this semester at school and i was like 'it'll be bad for my career to not do #theatre for so long' which like true #you know what would also be bad for my career? disability and/or death from covid #that might also be bad for my career #but too late! that fucking contract is signed! in a fucking state that has outlawed mask mandates so my workplace doesn't have one! sucks!!!#and a workplace that is bringing in like 170 seasonal employees #someone's absolutley going to get covid this summer #i just hope it's not me #it probably will be #ALSO after that i have to go back to school! and keep paying for masks when no one else is wearing them because my SCHOOL lifted the mask #requirement!!! because nobody gives a FUCK about the ongoing pandemic!!!!!!!!!! truly i am losing my mind and feel so unsafe all the time #and i hate it because i would be so much safer if everyone just like..... wore a mask and installed HEPA filters #but sorry public health is actually a personal responsibility onw #so you're all going to fucking suffer.

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