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underratedandoverit · 8 months

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Endings

~2,6k words penelope ford/kris statlander

we brain stormed something so hard with bugs today that i just had to write it like, immediately. we have a new rarepair in our hands fellas and we are going down hard for these gay girls lmao

i hope this makes sense and its worth something, ive been living in depression brain fog today so words are difficult, also its like half four in the morning and i didnt edit or really proofread this sssooo yeah. it is what it is, i dont think i can make it much better tbh, the brain rot was strong enough to help finish it so here 💜 (i also hope the ending is clear enough, but in case its not - its a string of texts sent by kris to whoever is holding this thing together with kip at the other end of this chain of events going down)

its wedding themed btw, so if thats not your cup of tea heres your warning!!

on ao3

@midnightpretenders0 @stormbornpirate @ss-trashboat

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Her heels frantically clicked against the floor, her steps clearly hurried as Penelope tried to gather the hems of her dress in her hands as she was moving, hoping she wouldn’t trip on any loose garments. Blue eyes darting around the hallways around her, trying to focus on the exit signs hanging on the ceiling level, trying to find the door leading outside.

She wasn’t sure how she ended up here, but Penelope knew she had to get out before she would regret this.

Finally pushing open the correct door, a wave of relief washed over her as Penelope spotted a familiar face outside. She stumbled out the door, barely keeping her balance in her heels as the steady hardwood flooring suddenly changed to a gravel pathway underneath her. She basically ran across the yard, not stopping until she almost crashed into Kris, Penelope being thankful that the strong arms of the other woman were able to keep her up on her feet.

“What are you doing out here?” Kris’ voice was laced with obvious concern, even more so as she spotted the half finished makeup on her face. “Is everything alright?”

“No.” Penelope didn’t need to say anything more, her heavy breathing and the frantic wide eyed gazes thrown around the yard being more than enough to give Kris the answer she needed. Her arm quickly wrapped around Penelope’s waist, keeping her upright as the woman dressed in white tried to catch her breath after the race she had just had with herself. “I need to get out of here.”

Kris’ eyes narrowed at her a little, but she didn’t question it. Penelope was clearly distressed, and as much as she would have liked to have more answers, Kris knew better than to ask anything right now. Instead she just nodded her head, letting Penelope lead the way – she knew better than Kris did with what she wanted and needed right now, and where she wanted to be.

Her steps were still hurried, it being very clear that Penelope just wanted to get off the area as soon as possible. Kris didn’t question it, just followed her lead, following in her suit as Penelope walked them to the parking lot, bee-lining for Kris’ car. Kris let her in the passenger seat without a word, only after closing the door glancing around herself. The parking lot was empty apart from the two of them, it being fairly obvious that despite the amount of people that were supposed to be here today, everyone else was inside or somewhere else in the yard. It was only the two of them out here, and Penelope was lucky to have caught her outside, or who knows where she would have ended up in her frantic running by herself.

Kris quickly slipped in the car as well, trying to keep it calm as she fished her keys from her bag, eventually starting the car and getting them out of the parking lot. Almost as soon as they left the driveway there, she could hear Penelope’s breathing easing a little, her deep exhales calming a bit by bit as she relaxed on her seat as moments passed her by.

Penelope’s eyes stared out the window, the tree lines passing them by calming her a little bit. At least unlike them, when she changed her mind about growing her roots together with someone else, she was able to escape. The trees, they were stuck there, until cut down and removed. At least she had options, she thought, letting out a little sigh as it was finally sinking in what she was doing here.

She could feel Kris stealing looks towards her, but the brunette didn’t say anything. The silence was more comfortable than it was not, and Penelope was very thankful for it. Even after everything, Kris was someone she could trust to help her out, no extra questions asked or pressure being put onto her about when, what, or why. At least for now, Penelope knew eventually she would have to answer for something, especially if other people started to reach out to ask those questions when they realized they were both gone from the venue.

After a while Kris pulled the car over to a rest stop. As the vehicle came to a halt, Penelope finally looked at her. Kris didn’t look mad, or even disappointed, she was more curious than anything else. The small smile she sent to her was still soft, almost comforting, basically wordlessly begging Penelope to talk to her, asking her questions that she needed answers to.

“I…” She almost immediately regretted saying anything, eyes darting out the window to scan the tree lines again. Penelope could hear faint buzzing coming from Kris’ bag, presumably her phone as someone might have already noticed that they were gone. “I can’t… I can’t do it.”

Kris took her eyes off of her for a moment, digging her phone into her hands to check the incoming texts, confirming Penelope’s suspicions as she turned back towards her, watching Kris type up a few words before dropping the phone back into her bag. The eyes looking back at her were still understanding, but now Penelope was sure she could see a hint of sadness in them.

She didn’t blame Kris though. This was supposed to be the happiest day of her life, and it was very obvious now that it wasn’t actually going to be.

“How long?”

Penelope blinked at her blankly, processing the question for a moment before Kris repeated it. “How long have you known that you don’t want to do this?”

“About… About a month.”

Kris nodded, glancing back at her bag as her phone buzzed again. Now Penelope was sure they were being missed by the rest of the bridal party. “When we first did the in-ring wedding. It felt weird then, but I just thought it was because it was being televised or because I was nervous about it or something. But no, it’s… It’s actually because I don’t want to marry him.”

“And you didn’t tell him?”

Penelope shrugged, avoiding eye contact as she looked outside the window again. “I tried. Kip always said it was just because I was nervous, and that it would be okay. He was so excited about all of this, I didn’t think much more of it.”

She sighed, carefully brushing her hand through the free coils of her platinum hair, biting her pink painted lower lip a little bit. “And then I saw him in that suit all happy and excited back there and I… I just couldn’t. I had to get out.”

Kris nodded again, hand reaching for her phone again as it wouldn’t stop buzzing at her. Penelope watched her type in a few more messages, giving her some more time to breath and organize her thoughts. Not that she really needed to, Penelope was already sure that she didn’t want to do this. That she didn’t want to go back, to face the rest of the party, to face her fiancé. Well… From this point forward ex fiancé, to be precise.

And no amount of time was going to change her mind about it, when she had honestly doubted it since the very beginning, just being too afraid to actually say anything about it. Why, she wasn’t sure. Maybe at some point in time Penelope had wanted to do it, get married with Kip and start a life and a family, but the closer that time came the more she doubted herself about it after all. Everyone around her didn’t seem to notice, and the people she mentioned it to just told her she was nervous about finally being a bride, especially with a public wedding first and a private one second, and that’s all.

She should have just trusted her guts about it, and Penelope was more mad at herself for letting it all go this far than for anyone pushing her to keep going with it and not taking her seriously about it.

Until Kris came along and was willing to take her away from the venue on her actual wedding day without getting any explanations beforehand.

“So… What now?”

Penelope shrugged, motioning a little bit towards Kris with her hand. “I don’t know. You’re the driver. I guess it’s your choice if you want to take me back there or not.”

Contemplating her options Kris pushed her phone away once more, her hands grabbing onto the steering wheel, fingers tapping against it as she thought a little.

“Did you really just not want to marry him?”

Penelope looked at her, watching as this time Kris glanced around the empty road and tree lines surrounding the two of them, clearly curious but at the same time somewhat uncomfortable asking the question, no matter how important it sounded. “Or was there… Something else?”

Penelope’s brows furrowed but she stayed silent, Kris just shrugging her shoulders a little bit as she could feel the eyes of the blonde on her, almost waiting for a follow up to her question. “I mean… I thought you two were doing great together. Kip has been talking about how over the moon he is for you and everything, so… It’s just kind of odd to suddenly hear all of this. Especially when you haven’t mentioned any of it before, either.”

Yeah… Yeah she was a bit guilty about that. As close of friends as they were with Kris, Penelope just had found this topic to be very difficult to talk about with basically anyone.

Let alone with someone who she had been more than sure enough even before today that she felt something more than a strong friendship for.

“There might… Have been other reasons.”

She was hoping the half done makeup did its job of covering her blushing cheeks as Kris suddenly whipped her face towards her, eyes almost glistening with interest as she scanned the blonde’s face, trying to find the hints on it before asking her question.

“Is it Allie?”

Penelope blinked at her, clearly taken aback by the sudden question. “A-allie? No, it’s not Allie, what does she have to do with anything?”

Kris’ eyes narrowed, the cogs in her brain clearly now turning. “…Orange? It has something to do with Orange, right?”

“What are you talking about?”

Kris leaned back on her seat, arms crossing over her chest as she pouted a little. “Well there has to be some reason why you changed your mind so suddenly! And usually that ‘some reason’ is someone, so I’m just trying to figure this out!”

“Will you stop before you even start, please?”

“Then tell me, who is it?”

“That’s not important --”

“You left a man at the altar, I think it’s pretty important!”

“I don’t --”

“If there is someone, I think someone should know about it!”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Penelope, please.”

“…You.”

Kris stared back at her, watching as Penelope inhaled deeply, eyes turning away from the brunette as she bit her lip a little, clearly having given up this war of words that she knew she wasn’t going to win against Kris. “It’s… It’s you. It’s been you for a long time now.”

The truth was now eventually going to come out at some point, so at least Kris should hear it directly from her and not secondhand elsewhere.

“What…” Kris shook her head a little, trying to register the words that had been just said in the heat of the moment so suddenly. “What do you… What do you mean?”

“Since the first day I met you.”

Penelope didn’t look back at her, but she could feel Kris’ wide eyes burning holes to the side of her face. “I… I think I always knew whatever this was with Kip wouldn’t last. But I thought if I tried to commit to it, maybe it would work out after all. But then you came back and I knew I should have said no when he proposed but I thought…”

Her voice trailed off. Not that there was much that needed to be said, the situation was becoming fairly obvious to Kris, now that Penelope had finally found some words for all of it.

“And… And I wasn’t sure if leaving him would have been worth it because I didn’t know how you… You know.”

She finally looked back at Kris, the brunette pondering over the sudden confession that had been thrown at her. The last thing she had expected coming to a wedding was the bride confessing her love to her out of all people, and not saying “I do” to the man she was supposed to marry. And yet there they were, sitting in her car, running away from all of these arrangements, having this conversation where Penelope was basically admitting to three years of bad decisions and buried feelings.

“So I guess… This is the part where it’s up to you how this chapter ends.” Penelope locked eyes with Kris, not being able to read much else than confusion out of her expression. “Where we go. What we do. Or what we don’t do. I… I have nothing left to lose. It’s up to you.”

Kris looked at her, the obvious shame and guilt painted all over the blonde’s face as Penelope tried her best to retain eye contact, clearly wanting to break it up though. There was something very sincere in her, Kris had to admit that, and honestly… Under different circumstances she was sure she would have already said something. Done something. Right now the moment was a little bit awkward, but at the same time…

“I would be lying if I said I hadn’t thought about this before.”

Penelope looked at her, head tilting slightly in confusion as she watched Kris lean slightly towards her, a soft smile crossing the brunette’s lips. “If I said I wasn’t slightly jealous when I heard you and Kip got engaged. I didn’t think I’d ever stand a chance but I was still jealous about it.”

Penelope could feel her cheeks heating up, her mind having a hard time believing the words she was hearing, even after everything. Surely, she was talking about Kip, right?

“At least we could still be friends. Not that it helped a lot with the way I felt about you, but --”

Before Kris could finish her sentence, Penelope reached forwards, hands gently but firmly grabbing the back of her head, pulling the brunette closer and locking their lips together. Kris didn’t resist, she smiled a bit against the sudden show of affection, her hands reaching over to Penelope to mirror the hold she had on her, slowly responding to the soft kiss.

After a brief moment Penelope pulls back first, staying close as she observes Kris’ surprisingly calm demeanor compared to her flustered face, getting a soft giggle back from the brunette.

“I… I guess that settles where this story goes next, huh?”

Penelope nodded quickly, Kris leaning back closer, closing the gap between them as she stole another kiss on the blonde’s lips. “I’m sorry you’re not getting your fairy tale ending, but --”

“No,” Penelope whispered, mimicking her motions as she silenced Kris with a quick kiss of her own. “This is better. So, so much better.”

She said she loved me. She had as long as she’s known me, actually. She didn’t want to break his heart, but didn’t know how to tell him. She wanted to tell him she’s sorry. She’s really, really sorry she couldn’t do this sooner. She loves him, but in a different way. She hopes he can forgive her. I… I do love her though. I really, really do. Tell him I’m sorry too.

#fic #character: penelope ford #character: kris statlander #ship: penelopekris #aew fanfiction #wrestling fanfiction

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softranswolves · 1 year

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In the Teen Wolf fandom, it seems like peeps only love the big-names, the ones who regularly return to post content versus people who joined in the last few years.

As someone who has been here a while, what's your take on this? Should new people stop trying? Because that's what I'm feeling.

Hey friend!

I just wanna say, before I really get to my answer, I'm kind of touched that you see me having been around for a while!! I'm definitely not what I'd consider a big-name and I know my blog is mostly just my little corner full of stuff I curate with my own creations or reblogs of other people's but you see me 😊 I'm also for sure not tapped into the fandom itself like some folks I follow. I just doot my snoot in my little archive of teen wolf shenanigans and try to maintain friendships with anyone who wants to interact with me (via asks, messages, or tags, good golly I wanna hug anyone who interacts in tags lol and I for sure recognize when ppl come back).

I typed a way longer response that you may not have wanted, all to just say I would hate to see new people stop trying!! I adore that teen wolf is still pulling people despite it being off air and potentially not getting more movies (whether or not that's what most people want). I think fandoms need fresh air continually too. No two people will experience the show or content 100% the same way and have every single response be the same. Just with the two cakes mindset of creation, there are multiple cakes for how we all digest the show and they're all delicious. I carved out my own little corner here because I wanted organization for myself, and I create largely for myself. Any interaction I get, I fucking adore, I cannot impress that enough lol. I just never really expect it bc I know I do my own thing here with stuff like Multiamory May moodboards. Rarepairs and polyamory and trans headcanons just aren't everyone's cup of tea and I stopped trying to be recognized for what I "target" when I know my quality isn't 100% and I'm just vibing to my own weirdness instead of being super put together about it. I've definitely flickered in and out of the fandom when it comes to engagement too - like how last year (or year before? idk, time is confusing) I was running regular events but currently I just don't have the energy/passion in the same way.

If you really want to be seen more, esp if you make your own posts/content, utilize tags, even if you're hella lazy with it like me. I try to always use #twedit no matter what, in addition to #twfemslash and #twrarepair when applicable. Those go on the radar of people who fill the queues of some "big" blogs that do a bunch of reblogging just to have continual content out there. I also feel like I got a foot in via a couple of my discord servers, mainly Teen Wolf Legacy, and making a couple too (one for Scott shipping, one for teen wolf femslash; others i know of included pecific Derek-positive ones, a Stiles shipping one). That absolutely increased my reach, because I could share my stuff with people who specifically wanted to get pinged for, say Allison/Stiles content as an example. Idk that my following blew up or anything, I'm still a relatively small teen wolf blog. But it did make it easier to grow into my niche here. It also made me realize how big the fandom is. Some might only watch for or engage with a particular ship or character, while others like me do so for pretty much anyone.

This was still lengthy, I'm sorry. You caught me after work when my brain is like solely focused on decompression via fixation and tumblr is often a source for that. Please don't be discouraged from trying, and if you feel comfortable coming directly to me I could possibly point you in the direction of some other teen wolf blogs with similar interests! Big-names are hella daunting and it still blows my mind some of the ones I always sort of looked up to also just have some nerd behind them that I can talk to (even if I feel like im annoying them lmao). Feel free to talk with me more either on or off anon too, I'm pretty much always here to some extent. I love new people so fucking much, I'm just not engaged enough to always see you 💜💜💜💜

#seriously this was so sweet to receive?? I'm nobody over here i swear #answered #anonymous #anon #idk if I'm becoming a fandom old but i do recognize how hard it is to just get into the groove #i came in during s4? pretty sure. and it was already a huge place here. now it's even bigger and there's new canon (technically)#there is always room for everyone i promise

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cryptenby · 3 years

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an abundance of green

so i’ve been watching critical role over quarantine and apparently it’s impossible for me to half ass anything so i’m obsessed, and obviously my love of rarepairs has gone nowhere, so im basically contractually obligated to write about Fjord and Caduceus. this has no plot, is completely indulgent and i really hope that whoever reads it enjoys it anyway lmao it’s also on ao3!!

They’re at the Xhorhaus at Caduceus’s own insistence. He told everyone he wanted to check on the tree and their makeshift temple, and Caduceus never asks for anything so the Mighty Nein is packing up before he’s finished the question. It almost makes him feel a little guilty, considering he really just wants to get his hands on Caleb and Essek. They need a good pot of tea and a solid talking to. Realistically, he thinks he could have just said that but Caleb is skittish about matters of the heart, especially when he didn’t initiate them on his own.

Beau knows though. She corners him before they leave, out of earshot of most everyone. “Duce. This about Essek?”

He laughs a little to himself, an airy thing. “Kind of. I would like to check on him, I'm hoping he’ll come see us. Or let us see him.”

“I don’t trust him.”

“You probably shouldn’t,” Caduceus grins.

“How is it possible that I know that you mean that but I still feel a little guilty?” she says, a little sheepish as Caduceus laughs. “How can you trust him so easily?”

“I have faith that you guys will ask the right questions. If he doesn’t care for us, or have our best interests at heart, I’m very confident the more suspicious of us will be on top of it. But I trust Mr. Caleb, and he didn't condemn him,” Caduceus says with a shrug. “Neither will I.”

Beau just looks at him for a moment before sniffing harshly and blowing out a loud breath. “Fucking fine. I won’t tear him a new one but don’t think I didn’t notice that you gave me permission to pull every possible piece of information out of him.”

“Of course,” Caduceus says, barely containing his smile. “I know who you are, Ms. Beau, and I expect you to be yourself.”

Beau blushes, for some reason, and clears her throat. “Right. Thanks, Duce.”

He gives a mock, half salute that he’s seen her give to their captain, and it makes her laugh before she strolls off. It doesn’t take them much longer before they’re off, Caleb finishing off the teleportation circle with a dramatic flourish that makes Jester giggle, the whole point of it, Caduceus is sure.

The familiar trek to the Xhorhaus seems to take no time at all, the tree he’s grown so fond of twinkling with a soft light the closer they get, a beacon, of sorts, welcoming them home. He’s a little surprised by how much he loves their place here; he’s not like the rest of the Nein, he already has a place that he considers home, so the new one was not so significant for him as for the others. In fact, it took him a while to even accept the place as theirs and not expect some ulterior motives to come to light. The feelings were unfamiliar territory for him at the time, suspicion and a lack of appreciation for a gift so grand, and the planting of the tree was a way for him to apologize and make peace in the space. It definitely seemed to work, if the happy flutter in his heart at the sound of the chimes when they enter is anything to go by.

Everyone goes to their respective rooms to store their things, chatting genially before they go their separate ways.

Everyone other than Fjord.

He does a loop around the common room, getting familiar again with his steps before he centers himself in the room, inhaling, and mumbling something under his breath with the exhale. The gentle reverb that follows confirms what Caduceus assumed he would do; the blade glows blue and Fjord glows with it, his See Invisibility spell activated.

The bunch in his muscles draw his attention first as he holds the greatsword aloft, inhaling again and opening his eyes on the exhale, their blue glow matching the runes on his blade. They highlight the depth of his cheekbones and strength of his jaw, his already handsome features softly accentuated. Fjord starts to walk the room with a more keen gaze, his steps strong and sure in a way Caduceus has only noticed since he accepted their Mother’s grace. He decides to turn tail and head up the stairs before Fjord has a chance to ask questions about his lingering that he isn’t prepared to answer.

The smell of dirt greets him as he ascends the stairs and he takes a deep breath, entering the roof with a grin. Everything is as he left it, the twinkling lights from their tree painting the room a soft yellow with their glow. Every bit of life to be seen seems to reach toward him as he enters and he greets them brightly, apologizing for being gone so long and asking each that he passes how they’re getting along.

A breeze warms him a little while later and it carries a friendly warning as it leaves him, explained when he hears the footsteps of someone approaching.

Too large to be Veth or Jester, too loud to be Beau or Yasha, too heavy to be Caleb, leaving only—

Fjord knocks gently twice before he lifts the hatch.

“Hey, Ducey,” he says with a smile. “Can I come up?”

“You know you’re always welcome, Mr. Fjord.”

Caduceus turns to greet him happily and sees some of the plants turn towards Fjord in his peripheral; he chuckles a bit at Fjord’s look of awe that he catches at a glance and shuffles over to grab the kettle and start a pot of tea. He turns back to ask Fjord if he wants any and stops, blinking slowly.

Fjord is saying something but Caduceus is barely paying attention, distracted as he is by the fitted, soft linen Fjord is adorned in. It’s not as though he’s never seen him in underclothes before, they’ve shared a space too many times for that to be the case, but those clothes all bore the wear and tear of the life the half-orc led, and politeness ensured Caduceus never let his eyes linger too long, for obvious and other reasons.

Never before had Caduceus seen Fjord looking so dressed down, so comfortable, cozy, safe. It fills him up inside, butterflies with wings stronger than any he’d encountered in Melora’s fields fighting for purchase in his belly. He wants to touch him: his face to memorize the laugh lines there, his chest to feel the steady beat of his heart, his back to guard it and ensure no one ever catches him unaware again.

He wants to protect him. He wants to tell him. He wants to keep looking and never say anything else ever again.

And that’s. Well, it’s weird.

Caduceus Clay, infatuated? Enamored? With one of his own party? How could it have happened without his notice?

“Uh, Caduceus?” Fjord calls, and he sounds closer than before.

Caduceus blinks slowly and looks down at his concerned friend now standing close enough to touch, and he takes advantage, grabbing him around the elbow, his dark green skin and black claws clashing prettily with Caduceus’s pale sleeves and light grey fur.

“Alright?” Fjord asks, sounding a little more concerned this time.

Caduceus blinks at him and clears his throat around a little white lie. “Yes, sorry. Sometimes I fall deep into my conversations with the Wildmother. Um, tea?”

Fjord looks closely at him before nodding and releasing him, and Caduceus takes the first chance to hide his face, cheeks blushing with his new revelation as he walks over to the little fire pit he’d dug out just for the kettle. He can hear Fjord walking closer, slowly, probably taking in the roof like he does every time he’s here, even though he’s seen it many times over. It’s endearing, and those butterflies from before seem to have made themselves at home in his belly, fluttering madly. He takes a couple deep breaths that don’t help at all and curses his luck.

“Man, I never get tired of that,” Fjord says, having finally made his way over and sitting down close by.

Caduceus looks at his smile and thinks, yeah, me either.

“It never really gets old.” He says instead. “Is that what you came up for? Not that I ever mind, just curious.”

“Oh, no, I wanted to thank you actually.” Fjord says. He’s looking at Caduceus with such earnest sincerity that Caduceus’s heart swoops in his chest. “I’m loath to admit it but I think I needed a break and I know I would never have bothered to ask, even once I figured out I needed it.

I know you don’t do it on purpose, but just having you around makes everything easier, better. And I feel like we don’t tell you that enough, or tell you thank you often enough. So, thank you.”

Fjord squeezes his hand, smiling softly at him, his lips finally used to the tusks that are growing in proud and strong. Caduceus grips him back and hopes that the answering squeeze and tears in his eyes are enough to express his gratitude.

“And also. I’m not around all the time obviously, so forgive me if I’m wrong, but you’ve never really talked about, you know, anything, really. You’ve gone through some pretty fucked shit like the rest of us and you deserve the care you keep trying to give everyone else. So, if you ever need to talk to anyone,” Fjord says softly, cupping one of Caduceus’s hands in both of his and smiling a self-deprecating grin. “I’m here. I’m a mess, but I’m a good listener.”

“Okay,” Caduceus says, around the lump in his throat. “Thank you, Mr. Fjord.”

“Okay,” Fjord says back, cheeky grin turning into a relieved smile. “Thank you, Mr. Clay.”

Caduceus nods and looks at him for longer than strictly necessary, and it doesn't escape his notice that Fjord lets him, stealing in some glances of his own. Caduceus’s heart swoops again and he finds himself wishing he could ask Melora for a bit of guidance, knowing her answer would be vague and leave him feeling more confused than ever. The frustration barely has time to take hold before he feels a warm breeze like fingers caressing his cheek and Fjord must soon follow, if his gentle chuckle is anything to go by.

He feels selfish for his frustration, fleeting as it was.

He looks at Fjord, and he wants.

He takes a deep breath.

He makes tea.

#fjorduceus #fjord x caduceus #critical role #teahaw #JUST A COUPLE OF BOYS BEING DUDES #just two polite guys!!!!!! being nice!!!!!#anyone else haunted by fjord saying hi caduceus all small and happy after he saved him #also listen melora is in the wind and she is always talking to her boy i dont know what you want from me #also beau just wants to be understood by the people she admires okay.....#tori writes

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likecastle · 3 years

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With all due respect, whenever I read posts about fandom racism, I can't help but think that while it's interesting, telling people that they should do some soul-searching instead of having fun is just not gonna be efficient. What exactly prevents you to just enjoy your corner of fandom whether white fans join in or not, and block the hate if you get some? (genuine question here) A lot of people have rarepairs or are in tiny fandoms and occasionally have to deal with drama, after all.

What prevents me from ‘just enjoying my corner of fandom’ is that I’m not comfortable looking the other way when people in my community say they feel unsafe or unwelcome. I am a white fan, and the assumption that I’m not white because I’ve reblogged some posts about fandom racism is telling, I think. But as a white fan, if I’m not listening to what people of color in this fandom have to say about their experiences, I’m failing them and I’m failing the fan community at large. Besides being concerned about the harm that’s being done to individual people, making any environment safe and welcoming for everyone only enriches it and makes it stronger.

Comparing racism to fandom drama also misses the point. This isn’t a question of whether I ship Yennalt or Geraskier or Geraskefer or all or none of the above. Which characters we like -- or in the case of The Witcher, which version of the characters we like -- is certainly a matter of taste and of course we all have to accept that some people love things that are not of interest to us, and we love things that are not of interest to others. But feeling like you’re on the fringes of a fandom because you ship a rarepair or because you have a very specific headcanon others don’t share isn’t the same thing as getting harassed because of who you are, or being exposed to harmful discourse about people like you. That’s not just being in the minority, it’s being marginalized -- pushed out of the group not because of what you like, but because of who you are. Fans of color deserve to be accepted for who they are, and shouldn’t have to spend their time weathering personal attacks, as if that’s just the price they have to pay for existing in this space.

And, it’s worth pointing out, the idea that certain characters are people of color isn’t some fringe headcanon, either. The Netflix show is the version of the franchise that most people are familiar with at this point, not some small corner of the fandom. It’s OK if you love the version of Yennefer from the games, or if you’re attached to the version of Triss in the books, but that doesn’t change the fact that characters of color are part of the canon now. You don’t have to like the show, or how it handled certain characters. One of the beautiful things about a fandom with as many different iterations as The Witcher is that we can all pick and choose which bits of canon we want to adopt and which we want to discard. But if the fandom is consistently whitewashing characters of color, especially in contexts where nearly every other aspect of the show canon is retained, that ceases to be a matter of personal preference and becomes indicative of underlying biases that do real and palpable harm.

And, yes, we’re all here to have fun, but what I hear when people of color talk about fandom racism is that they’re not able to enjoy the content in the same way I do because of the unconscious bias, explicit prejudice, and outright harassment they face. Staying silent about that puts my own comfort and enjoyment above theirs, and, frankly, it’s the same as condoning it. Racism isn’t just a problem for people of color to deal with, and as a white person, I’m not going to make anything better by looking the other way. That just sends the message that I believe it’s not my problem, but in reality it’s everyone’s problem, because not only does it do active harm to people of color, it weakens the fan community as a whole and makes it less rich and less interesting because we lose important perspectives and valuable voices.

If we really love a show and its fandom, we have a responsibility to take a hard look at the dynamics in the show itself, as well as the dynamics of the creative community that springs up around it. We owe it to one another to ask hard questions about the art we love and the fanart it inspires -- not because we don’t want people to enjoy it, but because we do. Being critical doesn’t mean I don’t love the franchise or the people in the fandom. It doesn’t mean we can’t have fun. But there’s no way to just enjoy something in a vacuum, and we owe it to one another to consider how our own experiences are interconnected, and what impact our behavior has on one another. This is especially true because, as others have said more eloquently than me, the biases that inform what we do or don’t like are not always conscious, and recognizing that our assumptions and unwitting behavior can have harmful effects -- and then trying to do better -- is a way of caring for one another, and for the long-term health of our community.

To suggest that fans of color who face harassment or discrimination should just ‘block the hate’ they get also ignores the very real toll that takes on someone emotionally and psychologically. I can’t in good conscience expect people to just rise above, when I have a chance to help, even if only in some small way, dismantle the behaviors that are hurting them. Once again, why would I prioritize my own comfort over someone else’s safety? If I care about the people whose fics I read and whose art and gifsets I reblog, who write insightful meta and delightful shitposts, why wouldn’t I do whatever I can to make sure they stick around and keep making more of the things I love? And even if their thing is not exactly my cup of tea, isn’t my fandom experience made richer because they’re part of it? Isn’t the chance that someone else might feel really seen and understood by their work worth the small amount of effort it takes me to stick up for them and make sure I’m not part of the reason they leave?

#the witcher #fandom racism

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ussjellyfish · 6 years

Text

experiencing limitations | teen | Star Trek

for @tiny-tiger-lily in round 22 of @trek-rarepair-swap. (down to the wire...apologies, I had a weird not-creative steak I had to work through).

Lwaxana Troi/Lady Q, adventures in imperfection

After the third hour of being watched, Lwaxana knew. That sort of pretension wasn't found in lesser beings. To be capable of that kind of smugness, that sort of pulsing, pervasive sense of being better than everything around you, you had to be part of the First through Third houses of Betazed (everyone knew they were stuck up). Or maybe a particularly stuck up Vulcan.

Or Q.

She'd heard about Q from Deanna, mostly polite letters that started out ranting and calmed (Deanna had always been so careful to calm herself, even as a child). She was too uptight, really, it was why she was so involved in her work when she was surrounded by so many wonderful people she could be enjoying...

Shutting her eyes, Lwaxana quieted her thoughts, stilling them so she could listen to that knot of being that was so convinced she couldn't hear them. Reaching deep within herself, she centered her abilities, then said the only thing she could, really.

I do know you're there.

Silence held her, both within and without. The wind whispered through the leaves, tickling the hair on the back of her neck. Her wig itched a little, and the silk of her gown slid over her wrist when she reached for her tea. Physical sensations, unimportant, focus on her mind.

The presence had jumped. Whatever they were, they were so intent on being still (regaining that smugness) that they overreacted.

Which meant they'd heard her.

I still know you're there, she sent. Picking up her tea, she opened her eyes. Pretension cracked like dried mud when one found the right place to hit it.

"That's a crude image."

The voice taunted her ears, playful, amused, but still--

"Your disdain only makes it more appropriate." She refused to look for the voice, if they were ready to be seen, they would be. Until they were, the ewuxi flowers were quite beautiful, blue in the center, heavy on their vines.

"Even your thoughts are trying to annoy me," the voice coalesced into a white flash of light, then a woman, seemingly human (only to the eyes). Her thick red hair, darker than Beverly's, fell over her shoulders in waves, and she wore a simple maroon robe embroidered with silver. That style would have been in fashion hundreds of years ago.

"Which is when I last visited your charming, humid, little planet." She waved her hand and after more white light, her dress resembled Lwaxana's own, but somehow more ostentatious, brighter--

Lwaxana tilted her head and smirked. "To what do we owe the honor?"

"Betazed has accomplished nothing of note recently, at least, not to me. No, I'm afraid this visit is solely for you." She crossed to the table beside Lwaxana on the terrace, taking a seat as she made her own drink appear. "Don't you love hearing me admit that?"

Yes.

I thought you might. The being- Q- her thoughts insisted was her name, smiled. Her lips were a deeper red than the blood of winter roses. Impossibly so.

How fascinating.

I really am. Q insisted, lifting her tea. "You're really going to like me."

"What makes you so sure?" If this Q wanted to play, Lwaxana was more than happy to dance.

Q reached for her hand, taking it from her cup, she studied Lwaxana's skin, then lifted it to her mouth. She kissed the back of Lwaxana's hand and power crackled through her.

"Tease."

"Which is what you enjoy."

"Well, yes."

"And you just say that." Q released her hand and sat back, shaking her head. "Why do humans not behave that way?"

"Honesty is too difficult for them sometimes, they hide too much."

Q licked her lips, leaning close across the table. "I was hiding."

"I still heard you."

"And that-" Q paused, beaming, "-that is what makes you so very fascinating. You shouldn't have been able to hear me."

"And I did."

"That smugness is nearly as much as mine."

Now Lwaxana laughed. "Don't I deserve it? I felt a Q, you're a being of incredible power-"

"The most in the universe."

"And I, a lowly bipedal species, felt your presence."

"You did." Q traced her finger along Lwaxana's hand, then the inside of her wrist. "What would you like to do about that?"

This time the flash of light was purely in Q's head. Some kind of memory? A thought?

No.

That was sex. Lwacana was going to have the headache to end all headaches tomorrow, but today, she was suddenly, intimately aware that the being of unlimted power across from her thought of sex as a flash of light.

Beautiful, fulfilling, passionate.

And horribly dull.

Q clucked her tongue. "Well, don't think that all at once."

"No wonder you're here." Lwaxana tossed her tea to the ewuxi vines. "We'll need something stronger."

"I don't drink."

"You're a Q." Lwaxana stood up, resting her hands on the table in front of them so that she could lean close to Q's not-really-present ear. "You can do anything you want."

Q followed her into the house, right into the kitchen while Lwaxana chose a bottle of wine. She'd been saving the one Jean-Luc had so thoughtfully sent after he'd avoided her advances yet again. Pouring two glasses, she set it down and handed Q the wine. "I imagine, as a being without limits, that the only thing you can do to feel the thrill of being out of control, would be to limit yourself."

"It's really not as fun as it sounds." Q took the wine. "I could make this poison, or lava. I could make it the blood of a star, and it would be delicious. More delicious than you could possibly imagine."

"But you'd know what it was going to taste like."

"I can make it taste like anything I want."

"But you'll never be surprised." Lwaxana sniffed the wine, then toyed with the rim, running her fingers along it while she thought of sex. Not a flash of a perfect orgasm, but messy, sticky, imperfect sex, full of surprises. She dragged up the memories of some of her best lovers, and some of her worst, even the mediocre ones.

"He did that?" Q nearly dropped her wine. "Really?"

"Making love is complicated."

"And painful, unpleasant--" Q shuddered. "I don't know why you'd do it."

"The same reason you drink wine." Lwaxana took a sip, letting it rush warm over her tongue, peppery and rich. She shut her eyes, thinking of kissing, warm and sweet, clumsy, hungry, desperate--

"This could have been terrible." Q took a sip, and grinned. "It could be vinegar."

"It wasn't."

"And a kiss is the same."

Laughing, she finished her glass and poured herself some more. "A kiss is far better than wine."

"Is it?"

"It can be."

Q set down her wine and advanced, pressing their bodies together, running her fingers over Lwaxana's chin. Her eyes remained locked on her lips. "I haven't said this in eons, but, dear Lwaxana of the Fifth House of Betazed, show me."

#trek-rarepair-swap #tiny-tiger-lily #tiny tiger lily #lwaxana troi #lady q #star trek femslash

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