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beescream · 3 years

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how... could they ruin Mister Mistoffelees...

THEY MASSACRED MY BOY!!

look at what they did to him!

fig.1: Magical Mr Mistoffelees! He’ll fucking set you on fire with his bare paws! His coat literally glows with light! His boyfriend is his hype man, who sings his song to give all the other cats something to hope for! Descends from the heavens on a rope! Summons Old Deuteronomy back with a swish of a silk cloth and some glitter! GAY! AS! HELL!

fig.2: Magical...? Mr Mistoffelees? Spends the whole film doing little tricks to try to impress Victoria and failing, and then at the end finally manages after REALLY STRAINING and with absolutely NO pizzazz, to summon Old Deut back (so like. good for him on that one). His song is sung by Munkustrap and Victoria in a desperate attempt to give him confidence but he’s uhh- well. just. look at him. HE USES A NUMBER TWO PENCIL AS A WAND. (he has a cute hat though.)

but - WORST OF ALL - they made him S T R A I G H T ?

THIS CAT? Who literally BRINGS COLOUR BACK to the stage and yells PRESTO?

THIS? CAT? with his gay little glance at his boyfriend and his handfuls of glitter?

THIS???? CAT???? WITH HIS LITTLE TIN CUP FULL OF RAINBOWS?

he's a fucking

~HOMOSEXUAL~

Also - and this is not specific to him - look at that gif from the movie and tell me they didnt give the cats monkey tails. they couldnt be fucked to observe a cat for ten seconds and be like 'ah i see that their tails are in fact NOT PREHENSILE, and in fact if a cat's tail were to bend that way it'd be fucking BROKEN. hmm, interesting, how about we implement that in our movie where we have full control over what their tails do?' like????? WAS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK? the original stage show had better tails and they were just limp strips of fabric.

just. LOOK AT THIS.

its like their tails are a seperate entity from their fucking bodies! they don’t look like theyre controlling them at all, they look like theyre being puppeted by someone else :(

this movie. was a mistake. so much potential, squandered.

...at least release the butthole cut, you cowards.

#im sorry to anyone who sees this in the main tags idk how to get it out :<#I HAVE REMOVED ALL THE MAIN TAGS TUMBLR STOP PUTTING THIS IN THE MAIN TAGS PLEASE #bee screams #YES im still mad about it!#in the first MINUTE of the movie munkustrap SPIDERMAN CRAWLS FACE FIRST DOWN A WALL #IT LOOKS SO BAD!#the people who made this movie do not know what cats are. they have never seen a real life cat #its literally the ONLY explanation #i love the 1998 stage show so much and the movie could have been SO GOOD but it was let down by too many things :<#like i dont even mind the designs that much #they need a little tweaking to be SLIGHTLY less uncanny valley and theyre not as fun and campy as the original but like. this IS a movie #not a stage show. so yes theyre gonna be more quote-unquote realistic #but the feet clipping through the floor?#the anatomy issues?#stuff like their collars not reacting properly as they turn their heads? it is SO noticeable #im just so mad! IM SO MAD ABOUT IT #it could have been so good!#we could have had it aaaaaaaaaaaaall...#but its like they just didnt care #i wanted it to be good!#there are so many good things about it - the choreo #some of the music SLAPS like their version of skimbleshanks is GREAT #and i like the casting! judi dench is good! the actors for victoria and munkustrap and a lot of the others are GREAT! (obvs not the celebs)#but the worst crime is attempting to make it make sense. THATS NOT WHAT CATS IS FOR! cats is for sitting down w a bunch of people who have #never seen the show and attempting to explain why they all wanna die and ending up like charlie sheen yelling about pepe silvia.#except pepe silvia is macavity. HE DOESNT EXIST! NOBODY'S EVER SEEN HIM! THEY SAY SO IN THE SONG! no ignore the fight scene the SONG SAYS-#hhh anyway i found out that theres a tag limit. it's 30. i never knew that. and it doesnt warn you just deletes them. so thats Fun.

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