you ever have a fic get you in such a chokehold you start pacing your room and talking to yourself

Remember Me ~ Worick Arcangelo x Reader

Disclaimer: This is going to have mentions of past abuse and supposedly illegal behaviour, but considering it’s Gangsta we’re talking about, I don’t think anyone should be surprised by darker themes addresses.

Birthdays...Have always been tedious. A drag. More work than they are worth...So, I wonder...Why do I actually bother doing a party at my home?

I mean, it’s true, I get it, I’m 21, I’m of age...Legally an adult, legally allowed to drink, legally everything whatever...The same as it has been for the past 3 years...

And MAYBE it’s fun to sometimes gather around with your friends and do the same things everyone always does at parties, loud music, alcohol, cigarettes and gossips...

But there is always that annoying anxiety feeling surging through my veins whenever I have to be around more than 3 of my friends, considering this is a party organised by me, and everything has to be done perfectly, everyone must feel good, and at home, not to be left out...

I can already envision myself being the only outcast, anyway, but that’s besides the point.

It’s already evening, the alcohol is sitting on the table, the pizza boxes are stacked up in a mountain on the floor, plastic cups everywhere, ash trays placed strategically, dim lights, coloured light projectors to make the room look like a disco...

And then there’s me. Sitting anxiously on the couch in the living room, dressed in a pair of dark jeans and a long plaid shirt with the sleeves rolled up, along with some silver rings and a necklace. Casual, comfy, yet pretty elegant in its simplicity.

My friends arrived soon, very loudly congratulating me on aging one more year, fantastic...But they had a mischievous smirk on their faces...

And they brought in a tall, blond man who looked very macho, and I could only blink in confusion as everyone walked inside.

“Uhm...Who is he? One of yours boyfriend or something?” I asked, eyeing everyone attentively. “Nooo, silly! He’s our gift for you!” my best friend grabbed the man by his arm, shoving him towards me. “I’m...Not sure I follow.” I spoke with even more unease, not wanting to believe what I was hearing. “He’s Ergastulum’s most wanted Gigolo! And tonight, he’s all yours to do with as you please! C’mon, you deserve to let loose and have fun once in a while, y’know? Forget about all those jerks and enjoy pleasure like you’ve never felt before~!” my other best friend grabbed me by my shoulders from behind, putting her chin on top of one of her hands, slurring seductively. “...I see.” I muttered, looking away, trying to mask my displeasure at what I was hearing. “Anyway, let’s get you drunk! You won’t get to enjoy anything if you’re so cold and reserved with everyone, y’know? Maybe that’s why you’re always alone! Now c’mon, let’s have fun!” she dragged me to the drinks table, and we started playing drinking games like never have I ever...

Gotta say, Vodka and Bailey’s has always been a shot combination that I adore, and I’m grateful that it takes a long time to get me drunk, because these girls are wasted, while I’m not, so I can escape their grasp. Drunk dancing isn’t that fun, even to watch, and they were making fools of themselves, screeching, giggling...More or less sounding like pained donkeys.

Or maybe I’m just too judgemental and mean because I’ve been in a bad mood and spiraling since they got in my home. To be fair, I don’t even care what is the truth. These are my feelings and I’m not going to play them off as insignificant or non-existent.

Eyeing them carefully, I take a pack of cigarettes and make my way out of the house and sit on the stairs, taking a deep breath of the cold winter night air, I light up a cigarette, taking a drag and staring up at the sky, letting my endless train of toxic thoughts overwhelm me.

I was so long in my own mind that I didn’t notice the door opening until a shadow blocked my vision, and I noticed the platinum blond man sitting down on the stairs below me, resting his back on the wall on the side.

“Y’know...I haven’t been to many birthday parties before, but I’m pretty sure the birthday girl is supposed to be pampered and the center of attention, and yet, here you are, outside, alone and sad.” the man spoke seriously, with his usual light glint. “How much did they pay you?” I muttered, lighting another cigarette, realising that the other one burn without taking another drag of it. “Hmmm? What do you mean?” he asked, raising an eyebrow at me. “I’m tipsy, not stupid. You think I can’t think rationally after 8 shots? You’re dead wrong. Now, tell me, how much did they pay you and what exactly did they tell you to do?” I asked in a pressed tone, side-eyeing him. “You’re certainly perceptive, I give you that. T’was quite a lot of money to spend the night with you.” he tilted his head in a playful way. “Not only they have no faith in me to get someone to even remotely like me...They have to pay someone to do something that I dread with a burning passion. Do you even know my name? I don’t know yours.” I shrugged, hanging my head, gritting my teeth in annoyance. “I see your friends screwed up a bit. Name’s Worick, nice to meet you.” he extended his hand towards me. “...Y/N. Nice to meet you too...I think.” I sighed, staring reluctantly at his hand, before slowly shaking it. “Pretty name for a pretty girl. Wanna talk to a guy you’ll never see again? I heard that venting and letting out pent up emotions helps.” he offered, making me look at him with a weird face. “You know you’re not gonna get any action, so you try to do something for the money you earned, huh?” I snorted, raking my fingers through my hair. “Hey, don’t look at me like that. Contrary to my profession, I’m a pretty chill guy. What do you have to lose, talking to someone you’ll never see again? And besides, I have little room to judge you, so if that’s your worry, you can throw it away.” he lit up a cigarette, puffing up into the sky. “You’re...Not wrong here. Okay, fine, Pretty Boy. Imagine this. You’re not even of age, you get your first lover and you’re happy. You finally feel superior. Someone gives a fuck about you...That’s the definition of a lover, after all, I guess...But here’s the deal. Barely one month into the relationship, the person starts getting very pushy and pressures you, without you realising. Words and actions. It goes to the point that they force you to do things that you don’t want to and you’re not ready to, mentally or physically...And you can’t do anything except for denying, since they don’t listen and they overpower you. How is that, so far?” I spoke, taking a few breaks in between sentences to keep myself grounded and lucid. “Very suckish. Does any of your friends know that?” Worick asked in a gentle voice. “They do...My two best friends do. The ones who apparently paid you. I don’t know what’s in those tiny brains of theirs, but I don’t think a one night stand is going to somehow magically get me rid of all problems, traumas, self-issues and nightmares I’ve been having for the last years. Or maybe I’m just paranoid. I don’t know, and at this point, I can’t stay that I care.” I shrugged, leaning back on the stairs. “Maybe you have the wrongs friends. I heard words about you that I don’t think friends should speak like that about their so called best friend who trusted them enough with their bad experiences.” he pointed out nonchalantly, as I shifted my gaze towards him with a frown. “After today...I...Think the same. I...Just...Wasn’t expecting something like this. What more can I say. I am disappointed. And if that wasn’t enough, my second boyfriend, who was a virgin, saw my own virginity as a prize. And the third pity-dated me. Can it get any worse? Because, if yes, I honestly give up.” I sighed, ruffling my hair, obviously done with life. “Life sure sucks, huh? And most people don’t make it any better. All we can do is get stronger, carry on, and fight our nightmares.” he nodded in agreement, clearly sympathetic. “...I see you’re speaking from experience. I wonder what happened to your eye...It may sound insensitive, but after what I just told you, I don’t think there’s any more need for caution.” I smirked at him with a dark sort of self-deprecation that I could also sense in him. “Well, y’know...Sometimes parents aren’t the safe haven they ought to be.” he shrugged, extinguishing the finished cigarette on the stairs. “I see. Yeah, life sucks. I guess I can see why you become a Gigolo. An attractive guy selling his body for money...By what they said, you are the most popular. I can see why. I feel sorry for you.” I gave him a sympathetic smile that disappeared as fast as it came. “You have a pretty smile, y’know? I always thought that people who can smile despite all they’ve been through are the strongest.” he commented, smiling back. “Is that why you appear to be so cheerful? You’re strong, not only physically, but mentally and emotionally too? Wish I was the same. Maybe people won’t find me such an easy target to take advantage of.” I snorted sarcastically, making him chuckle. “It’s a pity people are shit to the few remaining ones who don’t give in to society’s awfulness. But what is a sweet girl like you doing in a shithole like Ergastulum? Doesn’t quite add up.” he asked, getting in a better sitting position. “Life happened. Dad left us, and mum is abroad working to get me enough money to go to university by the end of this year. This place, despite how scary and dangerous it is, was the cheapest place I could afford.” I bit my lip, trying not to worry too much about the future. “I’m sure you’re gonna nail it, so don’t worry too much. You seem like a smart girl, so just study hard and don’t forget to enjoy life. By your standards, not others’.” he smirked, tilting his head towards the door. “You’re funny, Worick. I wish we met under different circumstances.” my voice became lower, only to get interrupted by the door slamming open and the girls leaving the place. “Well, look at you two, lovebirds! You look so cuuuuuuuute! Hey, Gigolo, better take good care of her, got it?! The night is still young for you two! Awesome birthday party, as usual, Y/N, see ya next time!” the girls left, making me blush from embarassment, looking away. “You’ve got very sensible friends.” he muttered ironically, shaking his head. “I’ll...Go tidy the apartment. Maybe I’ll be able to focus on something else. Come one, I’ll warm up some pizza.” I shrugged, getting inside the house. “I didn’t think you’d want me around in your home.” Worick pointed out, leaning on a wall. “You got paid to spend the night with me, correct? Then you’ll do what you got paid for. Keeping me company. You have no idea how refreshing it is talking to someone with some fucking brain in their head.” I plopped down on the couch, putting my feet on the table, turning on the TV to a rock music program and patting the seat next to me for him to join. “It’s an honour to spend time with you.” he chuckled, taking a slice of pizza, leaning back on the couch and mimicking my position.

For the rest of the night, he was gracious enough to help me tidy up and clean everything, and when we were finally done, I went to change in my nightgown, taking a book and getting in bed, only to see the man leaning on the frame of the door awkwardly.

“Ah, yes, how could I forget. Let me find some larger clothes for you to change into.” I put the book down, going to the wardrobe and finding some oversized clothes in which I sometimes sleep. “Are these yours?” he chuckled in amusement. “Yep.Gotta be comfy when you sleep, right?” I shrugged, getting back in bed. “Yeah, you’re right. That’s why I sleep naked.” his grin grew wider, making me frown in confusion. “Sleeping naked is comfy for you?” I put the book on my lap, looking at him for an answer. “Did you try?” he asked smugly. “Yeah. I felt incredibly uncomfortable and anxious the for hours and couldn’t sleep. At 4 AM I couldn’t stand it any longer and I put a nightgown on.” I scratched my cheek, looking away. “That’s adorable. What were you reading?” he asked, getting closer to me. “Get changed and you can come over. I’m not letting you sleep on the couch. You got paid, you deserve better.” I waved my hand at him dismissively, only for him to leave the room, get changed, take the book from my hand, flip through all the pages, and return it. “Ah, Picture of Dorian Gray. I’ve been wanting to read it for a while, thanks for the opportunity, I have to say, I rather appreciate his monologues.” he gave me a shit-eating grin, plopping in bed next to me. “I...You...Huh?! You can’t tell me you just read THIS book, right now, for the first time in your life, by just flipping rapidly through the pages!” my expression was that of pure shock and disbelief, which clearly amused him. “That’s exactly what I’m saying, sweet cheeks.” he smirked, laying his head down on the pillow. “You...You have an extraordinary visual memory?!” I asked in a voice that I wasn’t sure was heard. “You’ve got that right, darling.” he chuckled with a satisfied smile. “...WHY THE HELL ARE YOU A PROSTITUTE?! YOU ARE A GENIUS! YOU COULD DO SO MUCH MORE WITH YOUR LIFE! EARN AN UNBELIEVABLE AMOUNT OF MONEY! DO YOU HAVE NO AMBITION AND SAFE-LOVE?!” I grab him by the shoulders, shaking him, until he stopped me. “Calm doooown, Y/N, calm down. Thanks for looking out for me, but life is life. Don’t worry about me. I’ve got all I need here. You, however, have the whole life ahead of you, so don’t waste it like I did.” he advised in a soft voice, making me look at him for a few seconds, before sighing, getting up, and picking another book. “We won’t be seeing each other again, will we? Well, if that’s the case, take this. It’s a thanks for being nice to me today...But promise me you will take your time reading it, unlike now. Rest, relax, drink a hot cup of tea, and read each page carefully. Enjoy it, live it, feel it. Can you promise me that?” I asked, handing him the book. “The Hobbit, huh? Pretty cover, intriguing summary on the back...Fine, Y/N. I can’t 100% promise you, but I will try. Are you really willing to part with this one? It seems special for you.” he asked, more serious this time. “...Maybe sometimes the stupid ideas that your heart gives you are better than the rational ones from your brain. Now go sleep, I want to read.” I looked away from him, opening my book and pretending to read, away from him.

Five minutes passed, then ten, and fifteen, all of them in a deadly silence, almost awkward, until a chuckle split the atmosphere, making me turn around, looking at the man with a confused look.

“Usually, when people read, they turn the page after five minutes. What’s on your mind?” he asked, taking a strand of my hair and loosely twirling it with his finger. “..Well...You’re a stranger. And...We’ve only talked for a few hours. I know it makes no sense to ask this of you, but...I won’t be seeing you tomorrow anyway, so...Uhm...Do you think...I'm...Cold and mean...And unapproachable?” I mutter, looking away from him. “Not at all. I find you very endearing. The quiet ones are always the ones who have the best surprises once you get to know them. People deal with problems differently, it just takes the right person to want to understand you.” he kissed the strand of hair, making me bite my lip and turn off the lap light so my possibly pink cheeks won’t be noticeable. “Great. Thanks for the info. Now...How about you earn the money you got paid? You can do that by holding me and playing with my hair until I fall asleep.” I try to keep my voice from wavering. “You don’t have to put that pretext as a front, I would do that even if I wasn’t paid.” he chuckled lightly, holding me close to his chest, his fingers masterfully soothing my senses as he caressed by hair. “...Thanks.” I muttered, hiding my flustered face in his chest. “I have insomnia and general sleeping problems, including sleep paralysis and nightmares...And the only thing that used to be able to put me to sleep without waking up in the middle of the night would be mum holding me and playing with my hair until I fell asleep.” I confessed, my voice becoming softer and more emotional. “Thank you for trusting me with this precious memory, Y/N. It’s going to be okay. Now close your eyes...Sweet dreams, Y/N.” his peaceful, velvety voice was the last thing I heard before falling into a restful and calm sleep, for the first time in ages.

When morning came and I woke up, the bed was empty on the side that Worick was and I almost feared I imagined the whole thing...Until I noticed a piece of paper on the pillow where he slept.

“You’re a beautiful person, don’t let the darkness take over you. I hope to hear from you again, in the future, under better circumstances. ~ Worick”

To that, a phone number was written, and the first thing that came into my mind was to get that it tattooed on my body so I won’t lose it.  Of course, that will never happen, so I’ll settle for writing it everywhere I can.

For some reason, I wanted to make him proud, and I still had no idea why, so I only called him once a year, on my birthday, and on that day, we would chat on the phone all night, in memory of that night.  Finally leaving Ergastulum to go to University and get a better life for myself was something revolutionary for me, but after over 6 years, I managed to do just that. However, there was something that never left my brain, and that was the platinum haired man that completely changed the way I viewed life and how to approach it.

And I returned to Ergastulum after almost a decade.

I was dressed in a cute dress, and this time, unlike last time, a confident smile was on my face. Even though it’s fake, I adopted the “Fake it till you make it” motto, and nobody has to know about my problems.

I vibe.

Asking around for Worick, I find out he works as the Benriya with another man called Nicolas, who’s a tag, and even better, I got his address, so I knew just where to go.

As I entered the shabby apartment that was, for some reason, unlocked, I see a meek looking woman sitting on the couch, looking down.

“Did Worick get a girlfriend?” I leaned on the wall, a playful smirk on my face. “Wh-What?! G-Girlfriend?! W-Wait, who are you?!” she shot up to her feet, looking at me with big, blue doe eyes, frightened, might I say. “You’re adorable. What’s your name? And can I ask where Worick is? I’ve been told this is where he lives.” I played with a strand of my hair, trying not to intimidate the girl...Too much. “U-Uhm...He...He’s in his room...Who are you, miss?” she asked, trying to get some courage. “A friend, I’d like to think. From about ten years ago. Now, if you’ll excuse me...” I was ready to go look for him, only for a door to open, and the man in cause to appear, wearing only black boxers, and stretching...He obviously just woke up. “Ally? What’s all the noise?” he yawned loudly, rubbing his eyes. “Do you have a cute nickname for me too, Worick?” I smirked at him, as he widened his single eye, his jaw dropping in shock. “Y/N...?” he muttered my name, making me grin widely. “Glad you remember me. It has been quite a while since we’ve seen each other...And you age like fine wine, I’m telling you...You’re a sight for sore eyes.” he chuckled softly, only for him to come and pick me up, spinning a bit, before putting me down, cupping my face and kissing my forehead, leaving me a surprised and flustered mess. “And look at you! Can you get prettier than this? I told ya, you have a beautiful smile!” he grinned childishly, pinching my cheeks, making me yelp in pain and slap his hands away. “Jerk! That hurts! Ahem...Anyway, dear Gigolo, how are you? I heard some stuff about you working with someone named Nicolas...But I doubt her name is Nicolas.” I chuckled, pushing him softly away. “Oh, yes! Y/N, this is Alex, our new friend. You can say she’s kinda...Our secretary? I guess? Anyway, come over, we have a lot to catch up on!” he guided me to his bedroom that was, unsurprisingly, messy. “Wonderful and clean, just as expected. Have you ever thought of opening the window?” I teased him, plopping on his bed that was unexpectedly soft. “You, lazy little vixen...Here. I bought it years ago, after finishing the book you gave me, and I wanted to find out more. Now, I’m giving it to you. Are we even?” he smirked, handing me a copy of Fellowship of the Ring book. “We’d be even if I’d spend the night over as well. And if you gave me drinks and pizza. Basically a date. That will do.” I told him, looking dearly at the book I got gifted, although I already read it before. “My God, since when are you so bold?” he asked, getting on the bed, resting his chin on my knees, looking at me like a happy puppy. “Did you miss me, Worick? I hope you did, otherwise that little piece of paper you left would be incredibly disappointing and misleading.” I pointed out, booping his nose. “I’ve been thinking about you since then. By the looks of it, so did you. Are you sure you want a date with someone like me? You are beautiful, you are brilliant, your attitude in endearing as hell...And I’m still a Gigolo and my life is here, in Ergastulum. Don’t regret it later on.” he asked with a more serious tone, only for me to scoff and pull on his hair playfully. “I wouldn’t be here otherwise. Besides...Unlike you, I don’t need to be paid to spend quality time with you, doing nothing but chilling and chatting.” I teased him, making him laugh, as he plopped next to me, poking my cheek. “Great, problem solved! You’ve got yourself a parasite latching on you. Good luck getting rid of him now.” he grinned cheekily, only for me to cup his face and pull him into a kiss. “Why would I wanna get rid of a parasite this cute? Now shut up and hold me, it’s been ten years and I’m touch starved.” I grinned, nuzzling in the crook of his neck. “Damn, how I missed you.” he held me tightly to his chest, occasionally peppering my face with kisses.

It was definitely worth coming back to this God Forsaken place, even if it is for only one person. There’s place for everyone in this world, and in others’ hearts, and I found my place, in Worick’s warm arms, where I feel safest and most loved.

Forced Goodbyes

We finally reached the conclusion to Phase 1 (out of 3). Some slight time skips here and there, just to wrap things up a bit. Tragedy strikes, and messes everything up. Guess we'll have to see how that all leads into Phase 2...

Phase 1: Part 9 (End)

Word Count: (About) 1,200

1//2//3//4//5//6//7//8//9

It was a cold morning when Holger and Crow were called to Guile's office. They were to go over their next big mission. Normally it'd just be Holger, but Crow insisted on tagging along.

"It's just a simple recon mission. Just get some info about this guy...Rolento and his men, then get out. It's going to start simple, and stay simple, you two got it?"

"Sure."

"Yes, sir."

"...Crow, I mean it."

"Hey! All I did was get a little hurt last time. The other stuff was beyond my control."

"And you'll be sure to be far more careful this time, correct?"

"...Yes, sir..."

"When do you plan on sending us out?"

"About a month from now, they're supposed to be stationed in a much more open area by then. It should makes things a bit easier."

Having to wait a month for action, Crow starts to get bored out of his mind. Training is getting tedious, and if he has to see the infirmary ceiling one more time this week he's going to break something. Thankfully for him, he 'accidentally' eavesdropped in on some of his Uncle's superiors. They mentioned something about Charlie, a woman named Chun-Li, and Guile doing an important drug bust/detective work out in a secluded area in Brazil. Sounds fun, but he's knows better than to go alone.

"Krähe, I barely get enough sleep as it is, yet you made me change into my gear this early, and for what? Where could you possibly be dragging me this time?"

"Don't worry about it. I just want to see what's got Uncle Bill and Charlie in a bunch. That's all."

"So, you plan on stealing a helicopter to spy on your Uncle, and intrude on a mission that has nothing to do with us? Possibly making things worse for everybody?"

"I prefer the term 'Extra Back-Up', but yeah....you in or are you going to be a coward about this?"

"Tsch, fine. I'm piloting. You still can't land properly."

"I can land! It's just...a little...rough."

"Crash. What you do is crash."

"...Same thing..."

Thanks to Crow having a hunch last time his Uncle left the base, they had a tracker to follow to their destination. As they were approaching closer, they encountered another helicopter seemingly heading in the same direction. Getting a bad feeling from it, the two decided it would be best to follow it. Making sure they wouldn't be spotted in the process. Once they were practically on top of where the tracker was guiding them, the other helicopter started to fire at something on the ground...where Guile, Chun-Li, and Charlie were. Realizing that it was aiming for them, the duo started to fire back, sending the attacker crashing into the waves below. Once that was taken care of, the two of them landed on the cliff near where everyone was. As they were jumping out, they noticed Charlie was confronting a man in a red uniform. Charlie, unfortunately, seemed wounded.

Before they could ask any questions, Charlie seemingly sacrificed himself while trying to take out the red uniformed man. Taking half of the cliff with him as well. Guile attempted to reach out and save him, but was too late. With his Uncle visibly shaken, Crow goes over to try and console him. Taking him into a hug, which he seems to collapse into. Everyone is in stunned silence. It's stays like this for a while.

Once everyone has taken a chance to compose themselves, Crow explains why they came, which in turns prompts Chun-Li to 'partially' explain what their mission was. Apparently the red uniformed man, M. Bison, had inside drug dealers within their force. Charlie insisted on stopping them at their source. As an attempt to apologize for not getting here sooner, Crow and Holger offer to give the two a ride home, to which they agreed. It was a long, silent ride back. Guile did nothing but stare at the the dogtags from his lost friend in his hands.

It's been a about a week since that all happened. Guile hasn't been the same since. Next week Crow, Holger and their unit have there re-con mission. However, Guile wanted to see Crow after training today. The look on Guile's face when he entered the office, was grim. Crow was in utter awe at the words that came out of his Uncle's mouth.

"Pack up your things, you're going home."

"...What? Uncle Bill, is this some kinda joke? It's not very funny."

"I'm serious. Things are...intense lately. I don't...I don't want to risk you getting severely hurt. Please...just, don't fight me on this..."

"...Fine. Ya know what, fine. I'll leave, but don't expect me to forgive your choice on this. I don't think it's right. You're making a huge mistake."

"...I know."

Angry, not too unlike the first time Holger sent him to the infirmary, Crow rushes to his room. He feels hurt and betrayed, he didn't do anything wrong, well, besides the whole 'intruding on a mission he had nothing to do with' thing. Frustrated, he messily throws his clothes and other belongings into his suitcase. Not that he had much to go through, he was done in mere minutes. Or so he thought, noticing one last item he almost forgot to pack. The dark vest that Holger gifted to him. There was no room left in his suitcase, guess he could just wear it out.

Once it's closed, he huffs, and leans over the sloppily put together mess. He's hurting, and he wants to cry it out. There was so much he had planned...He wanted to help the unit anyway he could, everything he did so far didn't feel like enough. He's come so far...if he could only stay for one more mission and prove that he'd be fine, then maybe...

"Krähe. Is it true? Are you...leaving?"

He can't believe he forgot about telling Holger goodbye. It hurt too much to think about and he already had so much to deal with. They had plans for when they got done serving, plans to do things together. He didn't want to leave this way.

"...Not...by my own accord, but...yeah, I am. Uncle Bill's worried about me. I think it's because of what happened with Charlie...he's worried I'll...mess up."

"...I...see. That's unfortunate...I'm sorry to...to see you leave. We worked so well together."

"I know. I...I wish I could stay too. I was so ready for that recon mission..."

"ReCons are usually pretty boring, but I appreciate your passion for it all."

"Thanks. I'll try my best to keep in touch when I'm gone. Letters and whatnot. I hope when you finally get out of here we can meet up for lunch or...something. I...I wish you the best in the meantime."

"That's sounds...like a good plan. I hope you find something to keep yourself busy out there. I know how you get when you wait around and get bored..."

Holger looks down for moment, he's thinking about something. The next moment he nervously opens his arms for hug, and giving Crow a quick questioning glance. Crow accepts his hug right away. It was a bit awkward at first, but they eventually rest into each others arms. Breaking away just before the hurt of saying goodbye was too much.

As Crow leaves for the door, he feels his heart tear into pieces. Leaving this all behind him is killing him. He grasps his dogtags, and tugs them off his neck. His real first name is scratched out, no one really needs to know that one. He's Crow, and that's who he'll always be. After thinking for a moment, he tosses them to Holger.

"I guess I won't be needing these anymore. Consider them a good luck charm."

"...I'll be sure to keep them close. Auf Wiedersehen...Krähe."

"...I don't believe in saying goodbye in a place like this, it's bad luck. I'll be seeing you soon, Holger."

Phase 1: Completed, Continued in Phase 2: Part 1 (Coming Soon)

Writing Breathable Moments; What/Why

I’ve mentioned “breathable/ma/quiet” moments in the past and how the Dawn Warrior has very little of them and the Lone Prospect is chock full of them. But I don’t believe I’ve ever explained what that means.

So, what are “breathable/ma/quiet” moments? Is it anything like breathable cotton?

No. Not really.

Breathable moments in your manuscript are moments of rest for the reader. In the Japanese, this is called “ma.” Miyazaki explains these moments as being extra. They are the rests between action. It’s the backgrounds, the sighs, the little moments in time between beats in the story that convey time, space and who the character is.

Not everyone is a fan of these types of moments. They feel that the ‘breathing’ room in the story slows it down and delays the action. That these scenes have no purpose and need to be cut out entirely. This is a very Western and very modern contemporary type of thinking where everything is about speed and the bottom line and cutting things “to the bone.”

Books of all types have been reduced to pulp fiction penny dreadfuls rather than Dumas or Dickens who were paid by the word and so they really bloated their works to get more money. Then there is the High Fantasy Tolkien approach where the breathable space in the story is Tolkien either giving backstory like in the Ents or describing massive amounts of scenery. Or, there is the Brian Jacques approach where breathable moments are describing epic feasts and putting in funny songs.

Whether or not you find these moments of rest important really depends on your style of writing. How much do you care about character and relationship development? How much do you care about relaying the background and history of your world? How important is describing the setting of your story? Is there something going on in the culture of your people that’s important enough to show it rather than to summarize it?

Because breathable moments, the quiet moments are about showing the intimate details of your characters, your setting, and your world building. Depending on what your goal is for your story is going to necessitate whether or not you have these breathable moments in your work.

Tolkien was trying to write a history. He wasn’t telling an adventure tale. He was relaying/translating a historical document. It was important to him to tell the history of the world, of the Ents, and to expound upon the landscapes. Whereas, his contemporary, Lewis was writing an allegory for children about the Christian life. To him, the story was more important than the details and history of the world. So much so, that he only included tiny bits of history that were important in the Lion, Witch, and the Wardrobe. It was only later in other books that we found out more about, say Jadis, and where she came from.

Are you a Tolkien or are you a Lewis?

Both types of storytelling are valid! It’s up to you as an author to decide how fast you want the action beats to proceed. Your story can be tight and fast and like an action movie in words. Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang. Or your story can still be tight but punctuated with moments for viewers to relax. This could be more drama or art house or well, Spirited Away. Bang. Pause. Bang. Long Breathe. Bang. Bang. Pause. Bang. Bang. Bang. End. Or, the plot of your story can be conveyed with mostly breathable moments leading up to the final action. This is more maybe an adventure story or a thriller story type of set up. Maybe even horror.

Let me use different Urban Fantasy writers as examples. Kim Harrison and Patty Briggs have very little breathing room in their books. Patty Briggs writes books at about 110K words and Kim Harrison’s Hollow Series clocked in between 150K and 165K words. Kim Harrison usually put her biggest breathing moments at end of the book. Patty has a bad habit of even turning dates into major action sequences and cuts off any breathing before it really begins. Breathing room is more like a punch line. Most urban fantasy writers including Seanan Maguire, Faith Hunter, Jennifer Estep and Cassie Alexander all fall into the category (plus a few others I’ve read.) We are told these characters have friends and hobbies and lives outside of their job, but we’re never really given a chance to see them do more than ‘finger their shell collection.’ (I think that’s a Cat Adams example.) We “know” the characters, but at the same time, we don’t because we’re never given that breathing space where they aren’t about to be pushed off the edge of a volcano all the time. It’s all quips and punches but no long walks on the beach and banter with their friends.

Jim Butcher puts a moderate amount of breathing room in his books. Whether or not this is a good thing is debatable. Harry Dresden’s investigations don’t always involve a lot of explosions right off the bat. He is a private eye and this does involve some tedious things like “talking to people.” Harry isn’t completely without friends. He just tends to avoid them for months at a time until he’s got three days to save the world and then suddenly he needs them again. But at least we know that Harry walks his dog and spends time playing DnD with the Werewolves. Because we see it. Laurell K. Hamilton also has a moderate amount of breathing room in her books. Most of it is taken up with sex! Rachel Caine is also a good example. Occasionally, she drives her car real fast, manages to get a tan, and goes shopping.

The urban fantasy/dark fantasy writer with the most breathing room that I’ve read is Anne Bishop. Anne Bishop makes the characters and their relationships the heart of her story and the plot is moved forward more by what the characters do rather than outside forces acting whether the characters like it or not. For instance, in the Others series, the main character runs away and the villains are trying to reclaim her. She is learning how to live life as a normal person and hold down a job interacting with species that are in no way human. And these non-human creatures (who can look human) do everything they can to protect her and that is the story. So, there are long stretches of the book that is her learning her limits and how to do things like drive a golf cart. The characters and the culture is what makes the story enthralling. (And, yeah, you don’t want her to go back to the villains either. You’re rooting for her to remain free.)

You as a reader or writer have to decide what category you fit into. I’m more of a Jim Butcher/Anne Bishop preference type of reader/writer. I liked Kim Harrison well enough because there was enough words put into the book that I could sink my teeth into the world even if there wasn’t a lot of quiet moments. It was the fact the character never seemed to learn anything and became super special important that put me off The Hollows Series.

Now, back to my own books. In the Dawn Series, there isn’t a lot of breathable moments. I have Roxana and Marcellus go on a date. There is some teasing all around and at the end I have a wedding because there has to be a wedding. (Is it Roxana and Marcellus? I’m not telling you!) But honestly, the book goes from one action beat to the next with very little pause. It’s not a history. It’s an adventure story about a Princess trying to evade her curse. It doesn’t need a lot of history or explaining or paragraphs of ogling the scenery. None of that is important.

On the other hand, Tales of the Heaven’s Heathens MC, while not a history, I’m trying to write about a culture. It’s a mix of biker culture and in this case werewolf culture. I created a werewolf society that lives within the veil hiding from the greater human society. They don’t necessarily think like humans or act like humans completely. I want to show this instead of telling it. The characters also take jobs, security jobs, and they can either step aside and let things happen or they can take action doing something about it. The books are very character driven in this aspect.

For instance, in the upcoming book, I have a chapter or so where Savannah takes Gideon shopping. Now, I could just say that Gideon hates clothes shopping and be done with it. But Jasper is “special” and they don’t have department stores, so Savannah is being nice and taking him to where he needs to go to buy clothes. But that’s still not the point of the scene, the point of the scene is to compare and contrast Savannah and Gideon and their werewolf states of mind. I want to show the difference in how they’re handling being attracted to each other and resisting it. It’s part of the romance aspect of the book.

But for many people, many writers that type of scene would be redundant and be edited out because it has nothing to do with the main story of smugglers invading the Heathen’s territory. I agree. It doesn’t have much to do with that at all, except getting Gideon to look like a villain in leather pants.

Sometimes a girl just needs a boy to be in leather pants.

To me, the meat of the story in Heathen’s isn’t the explosions. It’s not the gun fights or car chases. It’s the people. It’s the families. It’s showing the relationships and how they work together for the good of the pack while still managing to have disagreements. (And it’s not as easy to write as you’d think because I’m going against years of ingrained prejudices about emotional labor. And I’m not a werewolf, I’m a human. I have to reorient my thoughts.)

It's also set in a future where the world has been reshaped by a war. The town they live in was built after the war to very specific codes. Eventually, we'll go to a huge city and I'll describe that too. That's breathable moments.

There are lots of readers (and publishers and agents) that really love books that are 100% action all of the time. They want books that are plot driven where the character is an afterthought rather than the instigator of the action. Which is fine. I get it. At the same time, there are those readers who like authors like Butcher and Bishop who put more ‘breathing’ space into their works. I think there is plenty of room for both.

Nevada: Nevada Desert

Okay this level starts us off smack-bang in the middle of nowhere. At least it make you feel that way as you only find a small source of water, cacti and bushes around in this sandy wasteland. We encounter vultures once more along with snakes - although these snakes are far more different compared to the previous area we were in. Instead they are much smaller, but nonetheless do some damage despite their size.  We do some exploring to find a cave and to encounter our first secret of the level. Luckily there is only three in this level and finding them wasn’t as tedious as I would’ve thought of them being.

We basically did a drop of faith into barbed wire - dodging it only just, and encountering more snakes. Doing this enabled us to claim the first secret and oh god, was I thankful for the save crystal we got. We also got some flares and a small medi-pack. I felt like I was making a little collection of these because unlike the previous instalment, I’ve decided to actually try and not waste flare of medi-packs constantly. We’ll see how long it lasts. 

After claiming this secret and progressing forward. We stumbled upon a black box structure... thing. I suppose it was a container of some kind. We did different types of jumps to get over there, moving around in the upper levels of where we were only minutes ago. We got a whole new view of it all, and it felt very similar to how they would reference back to previous levels in the previous instalment, such as the Ice Palace where you could look onto the previous level. But rather than that here, we looked back on where we began in this level and interacted with it all in a much more different way. It was really nice.

After getting on top of this structure, I noticed there was a hole. And holes, mean jumping in. Without hesitation. There was a crap ton of hesitation from my end. I dangled and then felt like not doing it. It wasn’t until my dad loomed over my shoulder and made me jump that Lara would finally fall into the hole. We landed in water, which is all good, but it wasn’t good for my poor heart. 

After the swimming, we encountered a section that I have gotten stuck on multiple times. I cannot do precision jumping for the life of me as we were at a canyon, water beneath us so there shouldn’t be too much to worry about, right? Wrong, you jump on platforms and a vulture comes to great you and knocks you into the murky depths below. But that ain’t all, because he proceeded to do this several times. Purely because I couldn’t shoot and stay on the platform long enough to shoot him. My own fault, sure, but, let’s just push the blame onto the vulture just this once.

We managed the reach a climbable wall in this canyon but the way it was laid out reminded me of the Temple of Xian - just over the lava pit where the ladder splits halfway across so you can’t climb up the way you came. Sneaky, I must say, but it also meant that after I got the second secret that hid itself in a cubby by this ladder, I couldn’t climb up and carry on. So we had to make our way back up again. Oh how I started to loathe this because it takes me several attempts to even get back to where I was in the first place due to me pressing the wrong buttons or not timing my jumps very well.

Once we got back to where we were, we climbed up the ladder and made a couple more jumps, only to encounter another snake and a rather tricky situation. There is a hole in the ledge next to you, what do you think is the best thing to do? Jump into the hole? Oh, no, don’t do that. That’s a slippery slope to your demise and having to do it all over again. So we hang off the edge and let go before holding on again super quick and swinging across to the side. With some monkey bars and a ladder, we made it up to where we needed to be. We spotted a little lever with a boulder facing it - oh god another boulder trap. I thought we left those in India?! But there we spotted a cable leading down into the cave from the lever and being the nosy sod I am, I just had to follow it. So down we went to spot a big old box of T.N.T. I swear I sung “T.N.T.” by AC/DC throughout the rest of my time playing this level. It got stuck in my head for so long. We went back up to go activate it but we didn’t have a detonator key. So off we went to go find one, and this meant trekking up into the mouth of the waterfall. Y’know, where I fell in. A lot.

Reaching the entrance way of the cave, I decided to sacrifice a save crystal and began my journey further in, oh boy was it tedious. Sometimes Lara didn’t jump, other time she jumped too soon and I was about ready to lose it. But we finally made it and there was an overhang which we got to crawl under and find a ladder. Sneaky, very sneaky. Then I heard a snake hiss and the secret chime. Man, I was so ready for this, there was back flipping, snake killing and the works before we managed to pick up our set of uzis. Actually what I said wasn’t a hundred percent right. More like I back flipped, failed to land on the ledge, tried again, landed on it, got poisoned by the snake, killed it, wasted a medi-pack and then picked up the beloved uzis. I was an absolute fool.

After claiming the last secret of this level, which all were surprisingly close to one another, we managed to progress further on with this level. We encountered another snake as we left the overhang, and then encountered our first person of the Nevada levels. Or just in general if we ain’t counting Tony the Loon. If we are, he was the first man in this level we encountered. I was easy to deal with him as we also searched around a bit, before climbing up, I went to go check out the little cavern to the side, only to find a rather large drop which I wasn’t willing to jump into any time soon. There was also a save crystal which I picked up. I was thinking about going down but I knew my own luck was I would let go and fall to my demise. So I scratched that idea and instead went out to climb up the waterwheel and to explore more. Now I died a couple times in the water in the area we got to next. This is because, I hate swimming levels. Anything involving swimming, I cannot do for the life of me. This was no exception to that.

So there’s also some hidden levers, one which is in the other pool to get some items - I believe they were grenades? But then one in the passageway to actually make some progress. I didn’t know where it was at all and it wasn’t until I had died several times that I’d manage to actually find the switch. Totally didn’t press action at random to see if I could find anything. You can’t accuse me of doing that. You have no proof.

Anyway, all these switches and swimming led us to being able to divert the water towards the waterwheel and also enabled us to activate the elevator as we see a small cutscene of it coming up. This is where that side cave was and where the big drop was. Turns out that’s an elevator shaft. Learn something new everyday.

Making our way back to this elevator shaft, we found the detonator key sitting inside, as well as another man who seemed to think it was cool to hitch a ride in the elevator. Won’t blame him, though curse him for taking the easy route in there. So now came the challenge of getting back to the spot where the T.N.T. laid dormant. Eventually I gave up with attempting some jumps and instead let the water take me over the cliff and to climb my way back up again. You know, like the weakling I am. (Or as my sister says.)

As we got back to the detonator, we plunged it and had to jump quickly out of the way. Don’t think I forgot that boulder trap so quickly! No way was I forgetting it and letting that death loom over me. As we went into the caves to see the damage we’d done, I was quickly reminded of the T.N.T. in Natla’s Mines, during the first instalment of this series. Perhaps this was a throw back to that as it changed the environment we once new and would have to climb our way up and out. This is when my Dad decided to get involved.

I saved once more and would up outside some wire gates/walls, and my dad told me it’d be funny if I walked into it or touched them. That’s never a good sign, and my dad has clearly played this level and remembers some things about it because it all leads to death. Wire metal fences = death. They are electric and although I was a bit annoyed he got me to go into them, I was interested in the effect they used to show that Lara has been electrocuted. It almost looked magical-esque. It was a strange appearance, not that I’m complaining. I just haven’t seen Lara electrocuted before in the previous games, I mean we could in the first game with Thor’s room in St. Francis Folly, but it wasn’t that sort of effect. It was just interesting to see this slight difference and how they told the death apart from others, rather than just having her fall, the also gave that effect. I thought it was pretty neat so just ignore me if you’d like.

Anyway, after discovering it was electric, we went on searching around and found a crawl space, not only that, we could jump up to find a small area filled with water with two switches. I’m not sure what one of the switches did but the other opened another door. Ah, the switch to open a door, to pull another switch. You gotta love Tomb Raider games. After pulling all of the switches, we made our way to a water tank, after finishing off two guys who came charging towards us. This water tank helped us to get higher ground and to be able to jump into the compound that’d electrocute us if we tried to go in by any other means. Did you know that if the fences are electric, that electric current an pass through the metal switch on it? Funny that, ain’t it? So yes, we had a couple of deaths by electrocution during this part of the level. I mean, even accidentally touching it, this level showed me no mercy whatsoever!

We powered through, taking care of more guys in this compound and would finally make sure the fences were no longer electric from flipping an entirely different switch, hidden behind a keycard-locked door. Fun times. After this, we took the bike out and would finish the level by jumping over another fence with it!

This all triggered a cutscene in which Lara has knocked herself out, she got where she wanted but got a little injured in the process. The comments by the two guards referred to her as a “crazy geek freak” whereas the other suggests she’s an “eco-terrorist” but the first guard completely dismisses that idea as they take her away to the compound. And that’s it for this level. A very interesting level which paid homage to some of the things that they did in the previous games, that’s what it looked like to me at least, with the revisiting of somewhere we’ve been before but from a different view, and the use of T.N.T. changing the area we knew once before. It was a difficult level but we powered through. Now onto the next level - “High Security Compound”. Why is my dad laughing so much? Oh God, what’s coming next?!

Subjects // Ethan Dolan Series Part 1

Summary: When Ashley and Ethan, no more than familiar faces to each other are paired together for an art project, they’re forced to cross boundaries neither of them had suspected they would ever have to.

Woohoo? I’ve been so reluctant to posting this, because I feel it’s a bit lacklustre since I haven’t really written in a while, and I don’t have a particularly big following and have a severe fear of rejection :’)… As first chapters go, I hope this isn’t too cringey or tedious for anyone to read, and I can promise that the excitement prevails in later chapters. I hope you enjoy!

Word count: 1.74k

WARNINGS: None, other than the occasional swear

~

8:29 AM

“Fuck.” I hissed, pulling my finger from my mouth. I watched blood spread down the side of one ridiculously over-bitten nail as I walked steadily to art class, scowling as it ran down the back of my hand. It stung.

As I stared at my hand, using my sleeve to mop up the blood, the class bell rang down the hall, signalling that I was late. “Great.” I muttered, picking up the pace. I jogged up the final flight of stairs, eventually rounding into the classroom; my worn Vans squeaked against the floor, attracting the attention of my entire art class and Mr Wells, my teacher.

“Late again, Graves?”

I hesitantly opened my mouth to offer an excuse, before being cut off by Wells. “I believe everyone has paired up for this project, aside from Dolan.” A quick nod towards the space where ‘Dolan’ was sent me on my way towards him with my head down.

I sat beside the boy as instructed, not giving him a second glance. He- Ethan-  responded to the action with a small shrug as we both turned our attention back to the front of the class.

“As I was saying,” Wells continued, “Your final project of the year is one which revolves around the duo; the ideas formed through the dynamic of two people.”

As he droned on, I turned to Ethan, who was scribbling what seemed to be initial ideas for this new project. I tried to glance over at what he was writing as subtly as possible- as being someone I’ve barely exchanged a sentence with, I found myself intrigued into how he worked.

“Ashley, right?” I jumped when he suddenly whispered, his eyes fixed on the notebook balanced on his jean-clad thighs, “Do you need a band aid?”

My eyebrows furrowed. “I noticed blood on your hand.” I turned my attention to my still-bleeding finger.

“Uh…sure.” I replied, puzzled as to how, and why he had noticed such a detail. With his eyes not leaving the notebook on his lap, his left arm reached for his backpack under the table in which he dug around for a few seconds, before pulling out a small band-aid packet.

He slid it across the table, where I reached over and took it, unpeeling it and wrapping it around my finger.

“Thanks.” I whisper, receiving another shrug in reply.

“So by the end of term, I want a full mixed media portfolio of work from each pair, with whatever focus you decide on amongst yourselves.” Mr Wells continued, propping up his glasses. “You’ve got this lesson to begin planning, and from then every class will be spent building up your sketchbooks, etcetera. Any questions?”

9:12 AM

An entire half hour of the lesson was wasted on me, scribbling down whatever I could brainstorm, getting rid of the crappy ideas with the eraser on the end of my pencil, and making the biggest pile of rubber debris that I could.

My huffs of frustration were drowned out by mass discussion of ideas from every other pair in the class; people that didn’t arrive late to class, who got the choice of who they worked with. Not that it would’ve made a difference , I thought to myself, glancing at the faces of my classmates. It’s not like any of them speak to me anyway.

Quick tapping turned my attention to Ethan, who I had almost forgotten about. Out of the whole class, we were the only silent ones, aside from his thumb repeatedly tapping on his notebook, as, I presumed, he was mustering up more ideas for the project.

He’s not unpopular, right? I furrowed my brows. “Why didn’t you work with a-” I cut my accidentally spoken thought off with an audible gasp.

His thumb stopped tapping against the paper, and for the first time his attention was drawn away from the notepad, and onto me. “Why didn’t I work with a friend?” He finished my question with a raised eyebrow. His lips were slightly parted as he waited for some sort of reply.

I remained silent, gulping as I couldn’t think of anything to say. “Because I don’t have any. Not in this class, anyway.” He shrugged again.

Ethan’s dark eyes narrowed slightly as he looked at me, almost as if he were assessing me in some way. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, noticing his sharp jawline clench slightly before he leant back in his chair.

I rolled up my jacket sleeves as I felt myself heat up for some unknown reason. “What…what are you looking at?” I questioned, uncertainty in my tone. His body shook slightly as he let out a quiet chuckle. He shook his head, leaning towards his backpack again with one arm, using the other hand to comb through his hair: mostly dark, aside from the few lighter strands at the front.

I watched as he pulled out a sketchbook from his bag and folded it open to a blank page. Picking up his pencil, he began to mark out something, still making occasional eye contact with me. I began to frown.

“What are you doing?”

“Drawing you.”

I remained puzzled.

“We’re supposed to be discussing ideas, Ethan. I don’t think this is-”

“If you keep moving, you’re going to screw up the proportions.” He bit his lip in concentration.

“This…is weird.” I muttered, leaning back in my seat. “We’ve never spoken before, and all of a sudden you’re drawing me?”

“Well…drawing is my ‘thing’, and I’m presuming you haven’t come up with an idea yet?”

I shrugged. “Well, no- we haven’t-”

“So I’m going to draw you, Ashley, until either one of us comes up with something good. You can link a portrait to any topic, so I’m just getting us ahead of the rest of the class.” He smirked up at me.

9:29 AM

I stared at Ethan’s hand as he drew for several minutes, before the loud ringing of the bell blasted through the room. Mr Wells dismissed himself, due to needing to leave for another lesson, and the rest of the class began filing out of the room. I pushed my chair out from under the table, and stood, only to be cut off by Ethan who had stayed put.

“Have you got a free period?” He questioned.

“Uh…yeah, but I was gonna-”

“Sit back down and let me carry on?” He tilted his head towards me somewhat condescendingly.

I looked towards the door and sighed, sitting back down. “I guess I could stay for ten minutes or so.”

Ethan looked up at me as a reference, and I noticed a small smile playing on his lips. I pushed my hair out of my face and frowned. “What?” I asked, letting out a nervous laugh as he chuckled, looking down at his page.

“You wanna see?” He grinned, twiddling the pencil between his fingers.

I shrugged, and Ethan turned his sketchbook around towards me. “I’ve only done the outline and started shading in a bit of the face, but-”

“Dude.” I cut him off, my lips parted. I smiled. “How’ d you do it that good that quickly?” I questioned in disbelief. What he had drawn so far was undoubtedly me, and despite the fact that I tried to avoid coming face to face with my appearance regularly, I couldn’t help but gaze at the detail in the shading he had done.

Ethan laughed, rubbing the back of his neck. “It’s alright, I guess.” He spoke, taking back his sketchbook and continuing. “So, if drawing is my thing, what’s yours?” Ethan suddenly asked. I pouted in thought, leaning my elbows on the table.

“I’ve recently gotten into street art, and I’d like to think im alright at that.” I answered, fiddling with my watch. “But I’d have to say photography is my strong point- although there’s not really anything I don’t enjoy experimenting with.” My tone still slightly unsure, yet the previous exchange of smiles reminded me Ethan was no one to be anxious towards.

After watching Ethan concentrating for a while, I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. Instinctively, I pulled it out and unlocked it, seeing that I’d received several texts.

Dad: I’ve been given an interview for the city job, honey

Dad: It’s on Saturday morning- would you be able to come with me? You know how things are.

I smiled at the screen, typing back a reply.

Me: I told you things would fall into place! I’m so proud of you. I haven’t got any plans for Saturday, so of course I’ll go with you. Also, remind me later on to get your prescription :)

“What are you all happy about?” Ethan’s voice made me look up. “A special someone send a cute-”

“A special someone? Me?” I scoffed. Ethan frowned.

“What’s funny about that?”

I chewed the inside of my cheek. “I mean…compare me to, I don’t know, every girl in our art class. I’m not exactly-“  I stopped, glancing at Ethan who was still frowning in my direction. I sighed. “Why am I even…no. It was a message from my Dad, Is all.”

“You shouldn’t compare yourself to other people. What’s the point?” He spoke.

I swallowed, folding my arms and avoiding eye contact before looking at my watch. “I, uh…have to go.” I sniffed, packing away by things and standing, all the while Ethan followed me with a stare.

“I…didn’t mean to say anything wrong- I-”

“No,” I cut him off with a weak smile, “it’s not you- I just have to go.”

“Okay, well before you do, can you give me your number? In case either of us get ideas?”

I nodded, twisting round to pull the nearest piece of paper from my bag.

“I got'cha.” Ethan said, pausing my actions. He stuck his arm out across the table, and rolled a pen in my direction with his other hand. I leaned over and wrote my number onto his forearm, before passing his pen back and settling my bag strap.

“See ya.” I said quickly, walking away from Ethan and out of the classroom.

As I walked down the corridor, my phone vibrated once again. I pulled it out of my pocket and read the notification.

Unknown number: Football field tomorrow after classes? Bring your camera. -E

I tapped in a reply, saving his number as Ethan Art.

Me: Why the field? - Ashley

Seconds later I received a reply;

Ethan Art: You’ll see.

Game Review : Slipstream 5000

PC / Gremlin Interactive / 1995 / Originally £29.99

Ah, the future.

Everything is shiny and new. All the time. The womenfolk are all improbably thin and dressed in tight fitting spandex or bikinis. Because that’s that happens in the future, we just go nuts for the man-made fibres. Just look at Buck Rodgers. Or Star Crash.

“Girls of 25th Century”, as envisaged by a boy aged 15 and a quarter with his bedroom door locked...

And in the future are sports; not sports as we know them, sports that are just a little bit different and played out to a pumping electro soundtrack that might just sound like Depeche Mode, Einstürzende Neubauten or Nitzer Ebb but played on a cheap Casio organ to avoid royalty payments.

Yes. The future. And it’s here in the shape of a racing game.

Set at a nebulous point in the near future, Slipstream 5000 brings us pilots racing their aeroplanes around courses around the world. There is no dystopian backstory, no settling our differences through sport rather than war - this is an out and out racing between between ten characters and their flying machines.

This is something of a relief. It gets a bit tedious to constantly be told that society has collapsed and to settle our differences we now play Bridge or Whist, all as an excuse for a developer to hide their slightly naff obsession with Gin Rummy behind a smokescreen rather than run the risk of them being discovered in a latex old-man bodysuit down the WI of a Thursday night.

Each race begins with a fly-through, showcasing the game’s graphics engine. It whips along at a good pace on Pentium level machinery without a 3D graphics accelerator.

Slipstream 5000 belongs to that first flush of 3D games where texture maps were planted on large polygons rather than using smaller and smaller polygons to create the landscape the developers wanted to convey. Sure, even at the time it never was the prettiest but is a fair compromise given the power of the machines it was designed to run on.

Controlling your plane takes full advantage of the 3D environment, allowing you to fly in all directions and creating a feeling of freedom. Playing with a decent joystick really adds to the game, although keyboard control works well enough. Oddly, no provision has been made for a mouse in-game, which combined with the keyboard à la Quake would have been as good a choice at the time as a joystick.

Some circuits verge on the spectacular; not just underground but underwater too. Don’t worry about hitting the glass sides, they won’t break.

The circuits that make up the championship are split between the metropolitan and the natural - one minute you’re flying through the Grand Canyon or Icelandic Fjords, the next it’s London and under (or over, you can choose) Tower Bridge. There are ten tracks in total; before you race each track, you’re treated to a fly-through to help you plan your approach to the race. Presented in a TV style, it can be quite like marmite. You’re going to either love or hate the way it’s done, which comes down to the in-game commentator. More on that later.

Slipstream 5000 makes the most of the axes you can fly in. Each course has its own challenges; enclosed circuits where you are racing through caverns or tunnels require skill and dexterity as the elevation of the circuit changes. Clattering around the courses, scraping the sides of your vehicle will work, but at the cost of performance. Each time you connect with the circuit, another player, or are hit being an opponent’s weapons incurs damage, either to the engine or the controls. As more damage is inflicted, your craft becomes less and less performant, making it easier to compound the damage to meaning that too much damage and it’s game over. Fortunately, each circuit has a pit tunnel where damage is remedied in blaze of lightning. Race wisely and taking the pits each lap can also make you quicker, even when you are not damaged.

Cash bonus? That’ll do nicely.

Each track is lined with bonuses and forfeits, either positioned randomly or dropped by shooting the drones that fly along as you do. Cash is the most valuable thing, but you can also pick up engine and control repair which fix your maladies on the spot, turbo recharge or a short boost of turbo. If you’re unlucky though you get a disrupter that’ll reverse your steering and is more or less guaranteed to chuck you into the walls.

You start the game by choosing your plane and unlike some games, they’re all equal. It’s not how they start, it’s how they are upgraded that is key. For a single race, it’s not that important, in a championship it can be the difference between first and midfield. Some upgrades and weapons just aren’t worth the money and it really becomes a matter of making sure that you chose wisely.

And, you’re going to need weapons. The AI pilots give as good as they get.

The point where you chose your plane is, erm, very much of it’s time. Cheesier than a pack of Wotsits and presented in a very stereotyped way. Clearly the developers were going for a Wacky Races vibe. This extends to the virtual characters in the game: Lyall Mint, the deliberately unlikable, ex-racer and his prim and proper career presenter, Crystal Eyes, as well as the game’s AI pilots.

This is one half of your commentary team, Lyall Mint. He's about to crack a funny, the zany ex-Slipstreamer that he is. Pity all of his comedy material is made up of Dad jokes and insipid sexual innuendo.

Each of your adversaries has their own traits and this is emphasised by their on-screen presence. You get transmissions periodically during each race - sometimes taunting, sometimes bemoaning that they’ve been hit or crashed. It’s a nice idea, if the implementation is rather cliched and adds to the feeling of rivalry in the game. This was something that was not common at the time and unique to the CD version of the game.

Flying against the AI players is good and fortunately Gremlin’s developers added the ability to go head to head with real players; old school two player splits the screen, but there is an option to connect two machines together. It’s not really network play as it’s known today, rather it’s via serial cable (yes, physically linking two machines together) a modem connection or being on the same physical network. Slipstream 5000 fell at that awkward time where the internet was a thing, but standards weren’t.

Yes, multiplayer is not for the casual gamer of today. Those of us playing games in the 1990s were made of sterner stuff. Man-up if you don’t want to be billy no-mates.

Dog fights are fun but can be time consuming. Sometimes it’s better to fly low, turn on the turbo and leave the other pilots to it

So Slipstream 5000, offers you a slice of the future like no other. Or, truth be told, like any other. This so easily could have been a franchise like WipeOut; maybe this would have really taken off (excuse the pun) with the console versions that had been planned. The game would have been really good on a Playstation or Saturn. It’s just a shame that this never happened.

Like so much of Gremlin’s catalogue around that time, this rather smacks of an opportunity missed.

Buying it today

You have lots of options for this today. You lucky, lucky, people. If you are looking to buy it on an auction site, you can pick up a copy pretty cheaply. The original big-box release will set you back in the region of £15, but be later re-releases in their paper sleeves, jewel or DVD cases can be anything from £2.50 to £5. If you’re going this way, make sure that you don’t end up overpaying for a budget version...

Finally, you can skip all this retro media nonsense if you have a PC and get it on Steam or GoG; you won’t have to faff about with DosBox or worry about converting those 3.5” floppies to disk images. Unfortunately, if you’re using anything other than Windows, you’ll have to make your own arrangements.

Commentariat

Tim : Slipstream 5000 was a firm favourite of mine; I first played it as a demo that came on a CD with PC Format in 1995 and excelled on the Pentium that I got to play it on. Although nothing to do with Magnetic Fields, the game had a ring of Super Cars about it in terms of tone and presentation. A sort of Super Cars ++ as it were.

Having played the demo to death, I bought it when it came out on budget - I was not, and am still not, made of money - I bought the title. The demo pretty much summed up the playing experience of the game and although there were extra circuits and a championship mode, it didn’t really add a huge amount to the fun in single player mode...

With only three levels of difficulty, it’s not that hard to finish quite high up the pecking order in every race. This may be ok in a single race, but in Championship mode it reduces the sense of jeopardy. Where the game does come alive is just right - when you’re racing. The action can be fast and frenetic; one minute you can be first, the next 8th after a misjudged corner or a missile strike from another pilot.

That the computer pilots can also mess up on their own adds to the excitement. Nothing more satisfying than seeing the computer pilot hit a drone and be faced with a disrupter. Even more so when it’s your mate in multi-player mode.

The other thing that disappoints - for me anyway - is the music, both in-game and between races does not do the game justice and feels more like an afterthought. That’s not to say it’s not well done; it is, it’s just doesn’t suit the game in my opinion. Add in the flight-computer voice that tells you you’re being shot at when you can hear the shots bouncing off the hull of your plane and it becomes an irritation rather than asset. We’re not talking Cybermorph levels of irritation, but let’s say it’s getting there. Good job you can turn it off.

Overall though, these are minor objections. I love the game and was one of the first titles I got working on DosBox once got that working properly. If only Gremlin had chosen to have taken it further...

Score Lord : I told you lot last time. I’m not reviewing games for you. Even this, which I quite liked when it came out and think it’s a crime it’s been forgotten. No. Go away and stop bothering me.

Meat : The explosion of 3D games at this time wasn’t a blessing; looking back today, there are some really, really ropey titles. Slipstream 5000 might have avoided this fate, but has trodden a fine line to do so. The cross between flight sim and racing game is novel and explored at around the same time by Bullfrog’s Hi-Octane, but there really is only so much you can do and a fair few tricks have been missed here. I’d have liked it to have been a little harder, with differentiation between craft being, well, present. A career mode rather than just a flat championship, where you could have more control over the different elements of your ship and crew would have made all the difference.

This doesn’t mean that the game is bad. Not at all. There are neat little extras, like the rear-view camera which although useless is pretty cool. It plays well, so much so that there is depth in the gameplay to last more than one run-through. For all my gripes about 90s 3D games down the pub, I like the way it looks too. It’s begging for a modern version with proper network play and slightly less patronising tone in the cut-scenes. I’d pay to have that on my phone, provided it came with a branded spandex flight-suit to wear while you are playing, natch. We are in the future after all, right?

Score card

Presentation 7/10

Stakes had been upped in the mid 1990s by the arrival of the fifth generation consoles, Slipstream 5000 holds its own against the kind of stuff coming out on those machines. The whole thing feels rather slick, with quite an authentic TV feel, even if its tone and jokes have dated quickly since the 1990s. PC games had yet to fall to the DVD-box format that is ubiquitous with today packaging, so you’ll still treated to the big-box experience if that’s your thing.

Originality 8/10

The idea of a racing game working on four axes that you can explore, rather than the traditional horizontal is still a pretty neat idea. The elements of rivalries that are generated by the computer characters comments feels a little synthetic, but the game is the better for it.

Graphics 8/10

From beginning to end, the games looks really good; sure it has aged, but more endearingly than some that feel like they have a certain something missing.

Hookability 6/10

The first course is well designed and eases you into the game nicely. From there on in, it’s a challenge, but not always enough of one. 

Sound 7/10

Sounds fine, as long as you have the right sound card, but having different background music would have made all of the difference. The floppy disk version loses out on some of the speech, but that’s not the end of the world.

Lastability 7/10

Easy to learn, difficult to master. It can be a difficult but not impossible to play using the keyboard, but there is a lot there for you to explore and those jibes and taunts from your fellow competitors press just the right buttons to make you want to come back for more. Unless you’ve got the floppy disk version...

Value for Money 7/10

Was good value back in 1995 and it’s worth the price of admission today.

Overall 7/10

Gremlin did themselves proud with the game itself and the TV styling, the cliched and stereotypical characterisations of the pilots and presenting team less so. Slipstream 5000 really had the feel of a series in the making. The shame is that it never made it there; with today’s VR tech the game would really have been something else.