And A G E L F I C! ( thank u for the ask you’re amazing)

oh stawp it no you're amazing!!! mwah mwah

A - Ships that you currently like a lot. (They don’t have to be OTPs because not everyone has OTPs.) Friendships, pairings, threesomes, etc. are allowed.

the royjamie brainrot is strong in me. royjamiekeeley too bc i, like jamie, would do anything a beautiful woman told me to do, even if that beautiful woman's advice led to public bdsm dynamics in the workplace. whatever you say queen 👸🏼

C - A ship you have never liked and probably never will.

i'm ngl jack/keeley but that's mostly bc fanfic spoiled it for me??? also the other bad power dynamics in canon, michelle/jacob, rupert/rebecca, rupert/bex, rupert/ms. kakes (we get it you don't like rupert). i don't think i really have any ships that really ick me out that are supposed to be well-liked? i'm easily swayed bro

E - Have you added anything cracky/hilarious to your fandom? If so, what?

i don't add to fandoms. i lower the property value just by being here.

but honestly, i recently wrote and published an anonymous piece, which was received fairly well, i think. i'm not going to make it un-anonymous, but i was pretty surprised by the reception, and i'm happy about it.

F - What’s the longest you’ve ever been in a fandom?

i think, technically, the star wars fandom, because i watched it with my parents when i was a child, and about a year and a half ago had a flare-up. wrote the most words i've ever written for any fandom for star wars ✊✊✊

G - Have you ever had an OTP? If so, do you remember your first one? Who was in it?

i... don't know? like i first remember the term being used in, like, the marvel fandom (which i was never active in) and went down a rabbit hole. it was enlightening. but no, i don't think i've had an otp. there's certainly ships that i've liked, and sought out content for, but in the first fandom i was ever tangibly in, i didn't have an otp

I - Has Tumblr caused you to stop liking any fandoms, if so, which and why?

i don't think so. i've lost interest in some fandoms that my mutuals still like, so i normally scroll past that content now, and those would be six of crows, star wars, and stranger things. i'm pretty sure it's gonna happen to ted lasso, too, but i think i've got some time yet!

L - Say something genuinely nice about a character who isn’t one of your faves. (Characters you’re neutral about are fair game, as are characters you merely dislike. Characters that you absolutely loathe with the fire of ten thousand suns are exempt, as there is no point in giving yourself an aneurysm over a character that you hate.)

oh boy, i've immediately decided to adopt every character as one of my faves. uhhhhh i guess i would have to go with... coach beard? i really enjoy how he's genuinely so weird, and not in a put-on, false way, just being who he is. i think his brief moments of lucidity, where he's very verbose in a way that is comprehensible to the other characters, hit so hard and are meaningful because they are few and far between. i like that he and ted are the two extremes of americanism, in my mind. i like that he uses the fact that other people don't know how to act around him to his advantage, and i try to apply that philosophy to some of my characters in original fiction as well as in my own life. i think it's a terrible shame that he sees jane as the only person who is unafraid to be as weird as him and feels obligated to stay with her because being understood is better than being unhurt and oh jesus christ i think beard is one of my faves now

I put my archive link up. don't lose your minds. maybe its easier to get to my prehistoric tumblr. I have been here quite a few years. I collected a plethora of content over that time. maybe its easier for you, dear readers. anyways lets see how it plays out. oh and updates to me? well 3 radiation treatments in. no bad effects. I went down today and did the treatment then came home and worked in the yard from front facade to back garden. no problem. pain management helps me in such a humongous, unparalleled way. I have more tomato!

Now it is time for some Herbal Pain Management then I'll water the garden down one more time. Seems I've found some good history shows to put on in the background as I try to fight my way through this Thoreau book. I have to remember that he's writing at such a time with some of his pretensions. by chapter4 you should be ready to build his fully envisioned hermit shack. he literally gives us a practical blueprint including a product price list. Too bad its the 18oos pov.

His view of nature is unparalleled but his view of those people in lower classes then him is grim and tedious to read. He reeks of Victorian colonialism oozing from almost every word written. So far that's my impression of Thoreau, which surprises me considering his other noteable work is something about civil disobedience AND the man was an abolitionist. perhaps I am reading too much into his views of the townsfolk he encounters, of which, at the time, were easily maligned.

but I digress.

my emily is very sick again. So my focus has been on her and will remain so until this episode passes as I am hopeful it will. I went to radiation alone today. I convinced her it would be better that way. daughter n law n granddaughter could have drove me but I felt better them here in case emily needed 911. lets hope it don't go that far this time but its usually the outcome. watching her ramp up until she can't breath at all. when shes down im there to carry her through the best I can and when cancer tightens its grip on me its always emily there to lift my hand, and walk with me through hell.

She's beating herself up over not attending a family gathering centered around her sister's death. First of all I told her she was too sick to go. She is barely making it around here and I am basically on a 911 watch. Secondly I don't think the stress level would have been good for either one of us. The family seem to brush us aside as it was anyway and maybe that's as good as you can hope for. I find that I think I'm finally as close as I can come to being surrounded by people who actually do care about me and would actually put me out if I was on fire. Having my two favorite grandchildren on hand is a blessing and I know that you're supposed to love every child the same but you know I'm on Tumblr I can tell you I've got two favorite grandchildren it's a sin of mine and maybe I'll pay for it in whatever Purgatory I end up. It very very much hurt Emily that her sister did not want her to know that she had cancer especially when we're dealing with cancer and home already as it is anyway. Her depression over this has made her not want to go to that family gathering to begin with anyway. But I'm here and she has me and I will wait on her hand and foot and make her coffee at will and just like she does for me I will offer my hand to lift her up and walk through whatever hell we have to walk through. That's all you can expect from love really. And real love is so lucky to have. Although I will not now subject you, dear readers, to my dissertations and Limitless verbosity on the nature of real love. We leave that for later chapters as I am absolutely certain to run across the slippery rocks again.

If, dear reader, you follow along with me, which I solemnly apologize for, you know my voyages across the slippery rocks are varied and dare I use the word verbose again? other times it is a reflection of the fractured emotional vessel that is my mind.

again, I digress.

play with the archive. I once posted a cop car flying off a cliff to an actual cop, so thats always fun to revisit innit? its my ups and downs. and I never promised I wasn't mentally, if not ill then remarkably bruised and dysfunctional. so saying all that, see it now from the beginning and how one man becomes problematic to a nation

one thing you are sure to see is a man honest with himself and his true nature. I examine my life. my words. my beliefs. and lay it all here for you, dear readers, to one day discover. through it I learned, but I will never shirk from telling truth of my broken past and my road through evil to get to this place of peace where the woman lying in the next room is more important to me and worriedly prominent in my every thought and emotion.

if I die it was all worth it.

but I'm not going to die. I have too many words left to torture you with, my dear lovely readers.

What is kin/kinning?

Ahahahaha~! I figured I’d get asked the question after reblogging that post.  :’) Well, kinning in the case of the joke I reblogged, kinda just means talking about/being somewhat openly kin on your main blog.  It’s a kin community joke, I guess.  ; P

Now, what kin itself is, is a lot more complicated to explain, and I’ll try to be concise about it, because I know I ramble a whole lot, and I don’t want to make things even more perplexing, but I have a feeling I’m going down the rabbit hole here.  :’)

***Essentially, being kin means that you are you, but also someone/something/some other essence or being.  This conviction can be spiritual in nature, it can be related to mental illness, or it can simply be a person feeling like they identify so much with a certain animal, concept, character, etc., that they are exactly that thing they identify with~!!! And they use the term kin to communicate that to other ppl~!!!

***So, to boil it down, say a person refers to themselves as doll-kin.  That means that, on a fundamental level of what that person considers their existence as, they believe they are, in addition to being themselves, also a literal doll.  Same can be said of space-kin, ghost-kin, tiger-kin; anything at all~!!!***

My Personal Conception of Kin: For me, specifically, it’s maaaaaainly kind of a spiritual (???) thing (it’s a spiritual thing for a lot of otherkin, but they may or may not share my exact spiritual beliefs).  I believe in parallel or alternate planes of existence that may have existed before, after, or at the same time as ours.  In addition to that, I believe that creative energy (that writers, artists, original creators of any sort) draw a lot of what they create from the prior existence of parallel Universes.  I think that they have the unique ability to tap into what Stephen King referred to in his novel “Lisey’s Story” as:

“...the pool where we all go down to drink, to swim, to catch a little fish from the edge of the shore; it's also the pool where some hardy souls go out in their flimsy wooden boats after the big ones. It is the pool of life, the cup of imagination, and she has an idea that different people see different versions of it, but with two things ever in common: it's always about a mile deep in the Fairy Forest, and it's always sad.  Because imagination isn't the only thing this place is about.”

A related belief is that when someone comes up with a story, they’re either telling the story of a Universe that actually exists; or, they’re creating a Universe as they make the story (in some Pagan circles, there’s a belief that if you can imagine something, it already exists somewhere, and sometimes by imagining a world, we create worlds -- this stuff is all basically preamble as to what fiction-kin is, though).  

And I know this is going to sound p wild to ppl who aren’t super spiritual, or who don’t believe in unproven/vague scientific theories, or who just have their own set of beliefs that clash will all this, and that’s okay~! I don’t feel the need to argue with anyone about whether or not kinfolk, therians, fickin, etc., exist.  It’s a set of convictions that I, and many other kinfolk, have based on our fundamental beliefs, current spiritual beliefs, and deeply-felt instincts/intuition.

Fickin (fiction kin), which is more related to the spiritual beliefs that I talked about above, is basically when someone believes that they are a fictional character that exists atm.  As an example of that, someone could say that they’re kin with Link, from Legend of Zelda, and that means that they literally are Link, and comprehend a part or a whole of their own identity as being Link. 

Some common/reasonable misconceptions about what is and isn’t related to ppl who are otherkin:

Therians are often mixed up with kinfolk, and I am not very well educated on therians, so here’s a link as to what they could be defined as, by many actual therians (some also call themselves kin, and some don’t): http://otherkin.wikia.com/wiki/Therians (I wish I had a more comprehensive link -- if anyone out there does, feel free to send it my way, and I’ll publish it for anyone who’s curious~! I just don’t feel qualified to talk about it in-depth myself~!)

Alters are also confused with kins a lot of the time.  Alters are usually more specific to people with Dissociative Identity Disorder.  Alters can be characters, animals, concepts/objects, or individual personalities.  They’re different from ppl who are kin, because these individuals exist on their own, but within one body.  This state of being used to be called multiple personality disorder, to clarify (but don’t be fooled by media depictions -- they’re really not how they’re portrayed in horror movies and other things like that).  Dissociative identity disorder is complex, and I’m also not an expert on it, so I won’t go deep into that one either.  The difference between an alter and a kin could be very loosely described as:

kin = a person themselves, who has a singular consciousness, but believes that they are in some way non-human, or essentially different from how they currently live/present themselves.alter = someone else (or multiple beings, with their own personalities, lives, and memories) living within an individual, and who sometimes operate that person’s body, or “front.”

***I thiiiiiiiiiink that’s as short an explanation as I can make it, but I gotta clarify again that being kin is viewed somewhat (or even extremely) differently by every person who is kin.  For me, it’s spiritual; for some people, it mainly means that they don’t feel like they literally are their kin, but they identify with whatever being/concept/character so strongly that they still feel they are kin; and for some people, they feel like being kin is related to specific ways of existing within a mental illness (I’m not mentioning this to say that kin ppl are mentally ill, or vice verse, I just happen to know a lot of ppl who do feel that they’re, personally, kin because of their mental illness(es)).

(About the joke I reblogged): Ppl who are kin are usually made fun of on this website (aaaaaand p much everywhere else), and a lot of us are p relaxed about that and feel comfortable with making jokes about ourselves -- I’m one of those ppl.  I feel fine with taking the piss out of myself a lot, and that’s basically what the joke I reblogged was: a variation of a meme, but this time centring the fact that a lot of ppl reasonably don’t admit to being kin on their main blog because of the negative attention it garners.

I know I said this would be short, but goodness, if I don’t have a whole lot to say about the topic.  :’) I did try to be succinct, so if a lot is missing (according to other kinfolk), pls go easy on me~! Feel free to send in your own experiences with being kin, and I’ll be happy to publish/talk about them, if y’all are interested~!

*******tl;dr: Here’s a link to someone else’s more comprehensive/direct definition and FAQ about otherkin, if you feel like reading it~