#I'm writing about this mainly because I appreciate the fact that I'm intersex at times like these. Even though I'm.
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Hooooo
#ALRIGHT. WRITING A BIT HERE SO IT DOESN'T APPEAR ... IMMEDIATELY AS YOU SEE THE POST.#If you are close to me and we are not . romantic or otherwise do not wish to read ... nsft shit. well. there are other posts for you#ANYWAY#I truly do love being intersex at times - especially in these situations as I'm a fucking hedonist.#Originally I was deep in grief and ... I suppose that I still am. But. I'm now. grieving and uh.#Having my body feel great honestly .#I don't understand how Sil/Holmes is. sex repulsed. I get there's trauma or whatever but it doesn't bother either of us#But the guy is ENTIRELY sex repulsed - doesn't identify as asexual for personal reasons but he . basically is. hates anything sex adjacent#In my case. I'm just a hedonist. If it feels good‚ I'll do it - and usually do whatever until it doesn't any longer. or kills me#As seen with weed alcohol and this . truly?#I have go-to things when this comes up and . I. I think that I wasted an hour doing that? I believe.#I just...#I'm writing about this mainly because I appreciate the fact that I'm intersex at times like these. Even though I'm.#Well. infertile as a result (though that's a good thing as I do not want biological children. ever) BUT#I appreciate my equipment. I'm very happy with it. It may be a little fucked up on the inside but. well. it is capable of feeling great.#And that's all that matters I think. Even if it's internally fucked up and entirely infertile . LMAO#Every time I think about those facts I just . wow#It's. weird being perceived differently throughout my lifetime.#I've been seen as my mother's son for. ever. Strangers will refer to me as her son and she's so ...#Adament. Completely insistent about it being the opposite - but.#How to say this. I feel for her. She wanted a daughter DESPERATELY and seeing me ... not develop how#I. should have. as predicted by doctors.#She took the opportunity of seeing my voice develop in the way that it is and ran with it .#Anyway. Rambling aside. I feel physically good but I'm left with longing and an ... even deeper grief mentally.#Sure. fantasies are great. but...#You're... left afterwards. Completely alone. Even worse due to my situation of a lifetime of forced isolation.#Whatever. I'm. going to get more intoxicated and try to ... pretend. that I'm not alone. It's ... the best that I'm able to get.#Possibly ever get.#Whatever. whatever. Intoxication to try to forget that the dynamic that I miss is forever gone and nobody will.#Ever. be capable of even remotely matching up to what I need more than anything. Nobody is capable of replacing him.
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