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victorluvsalice · 6 years

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AU Thursday: As Long As You Love Me -- Not Your Murder Buddy

Back to the “Holistic Assassin Alice AU” for today, with the fic snippet that I THOUGHT was next in line. Kind of glad it wasn’t, though, as I was a little awkward about posting it so close to Valentine’s Day. This one’s on the dark side, folks -- be aware for a decent amount of violence, blood and gore, murder, and kidnapping. Also Barkis Bittern. Because we all love that big-chinned asshole, right?

Okay, the context: Having left the hotel after Alice killed a guy via waving/bus accident, Victor and Alice have found themselves in what looks to be an ordinary suburban neighborhood. Their car dies near one particular house, so, knowing how the universe works by now, they go to have a peek at what’s going on. Turns out it’s a guy digging in his yard -- a guy Victor is shocked to realize he knows. . .

"What the – that's Barkis!"

"Who?"

"Barkis Bittern," Victor explained, pushing some leaves away for a better view. Barkis, oblivious, continued to dig. "That jerk Emily dated before he convinced her to elope with him, then knocked her over the head and robbed her before practically leaving her for dead."

"Oh, right – the girl you somehow visited in the hospital by mistake."

"All the corridors looked the same! Not that I'm not happy that I ran into her instead of my grandmother."

"Even though it led to her rebounding on you, then hooking up with the girl your parents were desperately trying to set you up with?"

"We're all still friends. And it made my senior year of high school a lot more interesting." He frowned as Barkis wiped some sweat off his face. "I always thought he'd fled the country – not disappeared into suburbia. What on earth is he doing here?"

"Well, whatever it is, he won't be doing it for much longer," Alice said, pulling out her knife and checking the blade. "He's my – he's. . . ."

She stopped, a funny look on her face. Victor watched her, puzzled. "Alice?"

Alice reached up, twirling a lock of hair around her finger. "Something's – off."

"Off?" That was new. "What do you mean?"

Alice squinted at Barkis. "He's supposed to die," she said slowly. "I can feel it in my gut. But. . .it's not the quite the same feeling as when I'm supposed to kill them."

Victor blinked. "It's not?" She shook her head. "But – the universe took us here. Our car stopped mere feet away from this house. Why would it bring you here, show you someone who ought to die, then not give you the order to go ahead?"

"I'm asking Caterpillar that right now. . .and the best he can come back with is, 'It's not all about you, Alice,'" she replied, dropping her voice in imitation while she rolled her eyes. "'Your role is to facilitate the death.' Well, how is that different from – you know what, never mind," she cut herself off, waving a hand. "We're here, and he needs to stop existing. It might as well be me who ends him." She clapped Victor on the back. "Wait here."

"Not a problem." Victor settled himself more comfortably in the bush, watching as Alice rose and headed down the slope. Goodness me – Barkis Bittern, of all people. Well, at least this one I know for sure will certainly make the world a better place with his absence. Still, I hope it goes quick. Watching someone get stabbed to death is never exactly pleasant. He batted away a bit of poking foliage. Though – I wonder if we can find any of Emily's missing jewelry? It would be nice to be able to return some of it to her –

SNAP!

Victor started at the sound, as did Alice. And as did Barkis – he whirled around, shovel held up almost like a pike. "What the – who the hell are you?"

Alice sighed, casting a glare at the broken stick under her foot. "Someone who was hoping to sneak up on you. But the universe has ordained we meet face to face, I guess." She dropped a mocking curtsy. "Alice Liddell."

Barkis arched an eyebrow. "Barkis Bittern," he introduced himself, keeping a firm grip on his shovel. "Why were you sneaking up on me?"

In response, Alice pulled her knife. Barkis jerked backwards, eyes wide. "So sorry, but I have it on good authority that you're a bastard who needs to die. Shall we get this over with? It's quite a nice day, and I was kind of hoping I could get in a picnic."

Barkis gawked her a moment, then seemed to collect himself. "What are you – some little girl playing vigilante?" he sneered. "A friend they didn't bother to mention? I don't know how on earth you found out they were here, but never mind. I've got enough room in my basement for all three of you."

Victor's jaw dropped. All three of – he's upgraded to kidnapping?! Oh dear God – suddenly thumping Emily over the head and stealing her money seems almost kind!

Alice, by contrast, shook her head, unimpressed. "Spare me the Bond villain talk – you lot really are all the same." Without further ado, she lunged forward with her knife –

And Barkis spun out of the way, bringing the shovel blade down hard on her shoulder. "ALICE!"

Victor sprang to his feet, leaves scattering everywhere as he raced down the slope. His eyes raked over the scene before him, utterly disbelieving. No – no no no! This couldn't be happening! This wasn't how it worked! Knives bounced off her handle-first, guns pressed against her forehead refused to fire! And on the other side of the equation, he'd seen her slaughter a biker gang in her underwear! Off someone via judicious use of giving him the finger! The universe had rules – and one of them was Alice always won!

Except this time. This time, she was braced on her hands and knees, blood oozing out of the nasty slice the shovel had dug out of her shoulder. She gawked at Barkis, jaw almost on the ground. "Ow," she managed, tone all astonishment. "I – ow."

Barkis snorted. "When will you ladies learn just to sit down and shut up?" he asked, raising his makeshift weapon for another blow. "Must I always teach you proper manners?"

"No!"

Victor barreled into Barkis shoulder-first, knocking them both to the ground. The shovel flew away, landing blade-first in the hole. "You leave her alone!" Victor snarled, doing his best to pin the much stockier man.

Barkis blinked. "What the – Van Dort? What the hell are you doing here?"

"Stopping you from hurting anyone else!" Victor managed to get a hand around Barkis's left wrist and shoved it into the dirt. "Oh, I knew you were foul before, but kidnapping people?!" His eyes flicked briefly to the hole. "And – and that's a grave you're digging, isn't it?"

"I'm tying up some loose ends!" Barkis said, kneeing Victor hard in the stomach. Victor gasped, but held on. "I don't like to leave a job unfinished, after all. How was I to know they'd find her so soon?"

"Find. . .Emily? You're here to kill Emily?"

"And Victoria, since they go everywhere together now," Barkis said, smile evil and bright. "Dear me, but they are a cute couple. I understand their parents don't exactly approve, though. . .perhaps that's why they've been so slow to respond to my ransom demands." He kicked Victor in the leg, then stretched out his free arm as far as it would go. "They'll probably consider me dumping them here a favor. Lesbians are always a bit more acceptable dead."

Rage painted Victor's vision a boiling red. "You – you monster!"

"May I point out you're the one apparently palling around with someone who goes up with strangers and randomly tries to stab them," Barkis said, his fingers brushing the handle of Alice's knife. Alice tried to grab it back, but Barkis dragged it out of reach. "The world will probably be a much better place without her in it. And as for you. . ." He grinned as he got a grip on the weapon. "How much will you parents pay for, say, your head back?"

"Nothing," Victor hissed. "And you're wrong. The world will be a better place without you."

It all happened in the blink of an eye. Barkis kneed him in stomach again and raised the knife, aiming to stab him in the side – Victor caught his wrist and twisted – Barkis yelped and dropped the blade – Victor snatched it up, flipped it over, point aimed straight at Barkis's heart –

And then the world was nothing but screaming and squelching and red gushing everywhere hitting his hands his chest his face and his arm was moving on automatic up down up down like a piston and this bastard was going to pay for hurting Emily and Victoria and Alice and who knew how many other people besides Victor was going to make sure of it Barkis was going to know pain was going to know fear was going to – to. . .

stop. . .moving. . .

The knife fell from his suddenly-nerveless fingers. Victor stared, cold shock gushing through his body. Barkis was. . .was so pale now, skin white as his, eyes open but unseeing, jaw hanging open, chest – chest a mass of holes, a meaty slab of Swiss cheese, more holes than he could count, covered in blood he was covered in blood he'd just stabbed someone to death –

"For God's sake, Wonderland! You could have told me it was his job!"

He somehow managed to move his head enough to see Alice drag herself to her feet, clutching her injured shoulder. "Don't give me that, Caterpillar!" she added, glaring at a spot just above his hair. "That cryptic bullshit was barely a warning at all! If you lot could simply talk plainly–"

BANG!

The back door of the house burst open, and out tumbled two women. "Come on, we – what, who are – Victor?!"

Victoria and Emily stared, holding hands so tightly their knuckles were white. "Victor, what – is that – oh my God." Emily clapped her hand over her mouth as she looked at Barkis's corpse. "Ooooh my God."

"I don't. . .Victor, did you. . ." Victoria tried, her face resembling that of someone caught on a particularly violent Tilt-a-Whirl.

"He did," Alice said, staggering forward. "I'm sorry, I don't think you were supposed to meet us this way. At least you're all right." She reached for him with her good hand. "Victor, are you–"

"Don't touch me!"

Victor scrambled away from her, stumbling his way to his feet. "This – this was your job!" he shrieked, waving wildly at the corpse.

"No, it wasn't," Alice said, wincing as she moved her shoulder. "It was yours. The universe made that very clear just now."

"No! No, you're the one who kills people!" Oh God, he could feel the blood cooling on his skin, sticking to him, tainting him. . . "You! I have – I'm just–"

"Just the person Cheshire told me to keep around because he was important," Alice broke in. "Victor, this is probably why you're here with me. You were supposed to kill him. That was your purpose."

"NO! I AM NOT YOUR MURDER BUDDY!"

Alice jerked backward, eyes wide. Victor stared back as silence stretched between them, heavy and thick. His head was whirling, body shaking, and he hadn't meant to put it quite like that but he could smell the death all over him and – and – "I want to go home!" he said, voice cracking. "I – I want to go home."

Alice nodded slowly. "Right," she whispered. "O-of course. Let me just. . ." She touched her shoulder, and flinched. "Take care of this."

Without another word, she limped past him, heading into the house. Victoria and Emily stepped aside to let her pass, then turned to Victor. "Ah – y-you should probably get cleaned up too," Victoria suggested in a trembling voice. "We can. . .we can. . .Victor, what happened to you?"

Victor pressed a hand over his eyes. Suddenly the entire universe felt completely out of joint. "It's – hard to explain."

"Try?" Emily squeaked.

Victor lowered his hand and stared at the drying blood. ". . .after I take a shower."

#as long as you love me au #tw: death #tw: violence #tw: blood #fanfic #that should cover everything I think #this was an INTERESTING one to write #I mean I'm all for Barkis getting stabbed to death #but first Alice getting hurt #and then Victor having his panic attack afterward #I mean he has every reason to freak out but #they're not even really fighting and I still hate it :(#at least it was fun coming up with a new 'how Victor might have met Emily in a modern non-death setting'#accidentally stumbling across her in the hospital post-Barkis seemed like a decent twist on canon #I'm sorry I got you and Victoria kidnapped Ems #everyone is traumatized for life in this AU no exceptions #I need to write more of the happy bits post-haste #queued

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