so I had a couple-hour drive today and would be arriving home to an empty house. so of course I was like. 👀 not going to NOT hold my pee

now like, I didn't think it was going to get too bad. I'd used the bathroom just before leaving, right? plan A was to play with myself until I had an accident

except. in about an hour. I was already in a bad way. I wasn't going to just waste the opportunity — after all, like I said, I'd be the only one home. If I had an actual accident in the car, well, whatever; I could clean it tomorrow. Plan B became "okay, well, it's going to be dark out either way. what if I wet myself outside? I've never done that and always wanted to." I figured I'd go up on my deck and do it there, giving me enough cover to be hidden even if a car drives by.

now, at the time, I might've called this "desperate." it was bad enough that I could roll my hips forward and feel that rush like I'd pushed down on my bladder. I pushed until I leaked, just to feel it.

luckily, I did NOT drain my water like I briefly considered, because it just got worse. I kept checking the GPS every two minutes like there was going to be some new, faster route opened up midway through. I was unable to pay nearly as much attention to Ｄistractible as they deserve.

and the thing is, though the once-fringe idea that I might have an actual accident was becoming more likely, I have literally never had a real accident. I'm plagued by an iron bladder, and somewhere between 40 and 20 minutes out, this starts turning to pain. and this is desperation -- it's not not pleasurable, because I do have a masochistic streak, but it hurts. I'm in a cold sweat. I've got a death grip on the steering wheel. I can't flirt with leaks anymore; I'm locked up tight because there's not enough of my attention to focus both on driving and relaxing. Plan C: I'll wet right outside my car. It's going to be dark, and it's unlikely that someone else is going to be around for those few minutes, and frankly? Fuck it. Who cares.

Past the 20 minute mark, I begin briefly but repeatedly considering Plan D (pulling over and wetting on the side of the road, then driving home like that). This would not be particularly safe, though, on a dark back road, and I quickly run out of back road and end up in town, where it would be perhaps indecent.

10 minutes out, I'm swearing under my breath. Genuinely, this is probably "driving impaired." I'm having genuine trouble focusing on the road. I normally would NOT do something like this, but again, I had NO IDEA I was going to get this desperate. I thought I'd arrive home with an urgent but completely manageable need, and now I'm clutching onto the handle above the door and praying for only green lights. I start to wonder if I'm going to leak, for real, which would be incredible. I can't sit still, but my squirming is super constrained because everything is locked up so tightly. I'm driving as carefully as I possibly can to avoid any startles or slowdowns caused by me being an idiot.

Then, though, I turn onto my road, and see not one, not two, but SEVERAL CARS of people. Somewhere in the recesses of my memory, the knowledge that my neighbor had a bunch of people over for the holiday when I'd left yesterday resurfaced. They were apparently still here, plus two cars at the (closed; they're security. there's usually only one, and only occasionally) business across the street. Lights on, running, clearly full of people. I cannot, or should not, wet myself in front of them.

I literally could not stand up straight. I grabbed my keys only and stumbled into the house -- and I honestly wish I could've just wet myself there, but again: things get locked up pretty tightly for me. So, ignoring the poor cats, I move as fast as I can (which is not fast) to the bathroom and stumble into the shower to finally piss. I can't turn the lights on, because the window shade is up, and so the neighbors could see in if I did.

and the PROBLEM is it didn't feel as fucking amazing as it should because I'd waited too long... but this was my first pants wetting in quite a while and I did enjoy it

Epilogue: Since the piss wasn't as satisfying, and bc I hadn't jacked it in a couple days ig, I was still horny af so (after an awkward half-clothed rinse off and actually carrying my shit inside and saying hi to the cats) I fucked myself with two (2) dildos and a vibrator until I came so much it looked like I pissed on the pad below me.