HAAAAAAAHHH SO IT HAS BEEN A WHILE

Curently in a place where I can finally access battery for my phone, and internet. I really wish I didn't have this take so long, as I apparently...have an audience now? Who actually likes what I have to say and provide? O_O wowzers I am so unready for this love. But it is...you have no idea how welcome it is, to just be noticed by people. It has been ACTUAL AGES OF MY LIFESPAN before I was evr given a proper chance at healthy attention, and positive relations like this. I am so...overwhelmed, but for once, that's in a good way. For once, I can feel glad and good about it.

Which is especially importantin my life, as I have...kind of lost everything I had once known and valued, loved, in my life. My home many years ago that has only gotten worse over time with the strangers owning and tearing it up in ways I vould never even describe, the last places I had which were at least places I tried to relax and enjoy myself in and attempt to start my own life on my own terms, which didn't really happen as I wanted, even any other place which had a bath, private toiletry and no rent pay which was always more my speed of living to begin with, family that revealed their true ugly nature over time. Everything I ever knew got upended and I feel very driven insane. And in this year I was sickeningly and mercilessly kicked out, WITH NO FINANCIAL SAFETY NET OR FRIENDS OUTSIDE OR ANYTHING ELSE TO FALL BACK ON, MIND. I WAS LITERALLY THROWN OUT TO DIE BY THE ONE WHO WAS CALLED "MY MOTHER". But the truth is, I have never in my life had a real mother, or entire family, no matter how hard or how long I've been searching. And there were so....no, too much that happened inbetween then and these few months, up to this month, where I am officially homeless. I have already spent days sleeping outside and it has been both freeing, but terrifying. I can't enjoy the freedom while I've been scared of problems arising from being hit by weather storms. I have had to teach myself and macgyver so many things just to ensure unexpected things don't happen outside, and I still don't know what I'm going to do when I finally need a shower. The only funds I have left anymore are what I have to pay a storage, my phone data plan, and buy food ONLY. Anything else for survival, I have to either rely on what I already own or buy the cheapest possible to conserve money. I was so afraid that I would never have internet or power again and I wouldn't be able to contact you all or ever have fun again, but thank god there's been free wifi spots and charging stations set up in certain places so I can camp out. As fir sleeping, I only have one chair to lug around and it has been SO IMPOSSIBLY TIRING SOMETIMES but at least I have something with a hood over me, and the additional protection of building roofs. I almost...feel both the weakest I've evr been, and physically stronger everyday, and I am so damaged and driven insane with rage and grief and I wantto die because it has been truly unbearable to GO THROUGH ALL OF THIS AND STILL NEVERBE HELPED...RESCUED BY ANYONE. I...just want to be adopted by a good family and brought to a real good home, to stay forever, and forget I ever went through this. Truly start my life all over and begin it like it deserved to be.

So to anyone who has bothered to read this...my god, thank you. I did say once that I wanted to only save this blog for fun happy good things, but so far, my real issues and situations have bled through in my speech anyway, so I think there's no going back now. Now that you know my story, I desperately ask that someone help me out. I live in Canada, around 80ave, in a red chair with a little canopy cover on it. That's all I can really say safely, without being doxxed for my identity. I don't want anyone but the right people to find me now...just to help me, rescue me from this homeless, familyless, friendless, joyless hell I have to face now, without any choice of my own. But for once, I want my choices to matter, AND be finalized, unchanged, unchallenged, unstolen away from me. I AM SO TIRED AND DEAD. I WANT TO DIE EVERYDAY BECAUSE NOONE AND NOTHING IS ALLOWING ME TO LIVE, THE WAY I ONCE EARNESTLY WANTED TO. GOD, HELP. ME.