Tumgik
#I'm becoming self aware omfg
numbbrainstrorm · 14 days
Text
POV: You realised that you are seriously mentally unstable and had ( serious) / have some behaviour problems that needs to be taken care of but bills go up and pay goes down and you have no money to go to a specialist
[ insert my face ]
4 notes · View notes
suzukiblu · 7 months
Note
holy fucking HELL I'm so glad you're writing something that addresses the knockout and rex thing. that was so Fucked up and he never got help for it I can't wait for a fic where he does omfg. it really did mess him up and set the base of his character and people either don't address it or address it very badly.
like i got into writing (65th fic currently time FLIES) because of a. this character and b. you and to see you writing something I've been wanting to for so long is. yes.
Oh, that's really nice to hear, I hope you're having a good time with writing! Well, sixty-five fics in you'd better be, or fandom is letting you DOWN, hah.
And ahhhhh, yeah, depending on the fic I do swing between "Kon def got abused and taken advantage of and everyone in canon acted like it was fine despite repeated evidence to the contrary, oh my god it was NOT FINE and still isn't!!" versus taking canon at face value on things like Clark "Responsible For Everyone In The World But This Specific Teenager" Kent not immediately PERSONALLY taking in the whole-ass MINOR someone made in HIS LITERAL IMAGE when he is also an adopted person with superpowers who is intimately aware of the effects of nuture on a person, but I do always find it really interesting to take on more, like, real-world approaches. Okay, sure, in COMICS it's fine if you let a month-old teenager become a teen heartthrob superhero with no secret identity or civilian life, okay, but also oh my god Tana Moon is TWENTY-THREE, Roxy is ALSO a teenager who knows like nothing, and Knockout is KNOCKOUT, and Dubbilex has barely been out of the lab himself and Rex Leech is explicitly an easily blackmail-able sleazeball with serious debts to seriously bad people and THIS KID IS FIVE MINUTES OUT OF THE CLONING TUBE JFC CLARK WHAT ARE YOU CANONICALLY THINKING HERE.
I could scream about Kon's entire existence 5ever but when GREEN ARROW is better at taking responsibility for his sidekicks, you are in a BAD place, ethically-speaking. AT LEAST GREEN ARROW FEELS EMOTIONAL CONNECTIONS BEYOND THE VAGUE AFFECTION YOU'D OFFER A STRANGER'S MODERATELY CUTE PUPPY TO HIS SIDEKICKS. AT LEAST GREEN ARROW DOES THAT.
Admittedly Clark just kinda sucks at taking responsibility for his fellow S-wearers in general, in my experience of him? Except when they need punched/lectured out of the heavily-foreshadowed emotional crisises that he could've just, like, NOT neglected them into with literally just a weekly phone call's worth of relationship maintenance, of course. Except for then.
. . . I may be biased here but seriously, Clark, please talk to Kon/Kara/Karen/literally anyone not Lois or your parents for more than five minutes a crossover event. The non-human people need you too, you FUCKING MORON!! Superpowers don't mean they don't ever NEED YOU!!!!
/screams into pillow about Clark Kent's personal self-image and feelings about his powers and how that all affects the way he treats other Supers and his opinions on them and just AHHHHHHHHHH--
66 notes · View notes
sorcerous-caress · 4 months
Note
I find myself thinking of Khal'ian "Bad ending" as I'm doing voice editing.
His whole journey is finding his emotions clearly, and learning that burying them to fit into another ideals is not a way to live. That he doesn't have to be constantly docile or hide the ugly side of his grief to be seen as a person worthy of respect or companionship.
After that, he can finally start to make peace with his identity as both githzerai and githyanki. Perhaps maybe all his kin can be, and he sets forth to make strides to unify them all under the banner of gith again. Louder than anything that the Sha'sal Khou were doing before, times are changing, and with Orpheus at their side, it feels like a more achievable goal.
Yet he can only see this to the end if the right decision is made, right when Khal'ian contacts his monastery again with his new realization.
Some of the younger Githzerai are willing to listen, some out of curiosity, others that are simply happy that another monk is giving voice to the secret thoughts that they've been harboring.
The older Githzerai are a different story.
Perhaps it's due to the countless amounts of blood spilled over the millennia or hate that as solidified so deep that the other side can't even see them a kin anymore.
Khal'ian is rejected by his elders and handed down a judgment that shall be swiftly executed by Zerths coming for him.
When they arrive, they assure Tav/Durge that they are not going to kill Khal; The Githzerai of their monastery are not their savage cousins. It will be cleaner.
Handing over Khal'ian will result in him being wiped essentially. A psionic technique will be applied to him. His emotional center is utterly removed. One can't help a rebellion if you're reduced to being benevolent - as benevolent as a soulless walking mannequin can be.
He becomes what his fears more than anything
emotionless
Tav/Durge is given free rein to use him for battle as they see fit, as a peace offering for handing him over.
But the monk they get back isn't even a person anymore. The technique used was akin to a lobotomy, and if one succeeds a perception check, you'll find out it wasn't even done properly. They just destroyed the connection to his body and soul with no hesitation.
There's nothing behind those peach colored eyes now, but you still have gotten a weapon out of it, a soldier that will follow orders without that awkward tumbling.
That's what you wanted, right?
Khal'ian last self-aware words would be
" Tell Issal, Sha Va Zai my sister"
Plead for his best friend to know that he loves them, then utter nothingness.
Fuck that's so good omfg. Painfully good and fitting. Especially with a character like him who struggled with not fitting the proper warrior trope but still tried his best! Still attempted to float in the waters drowning him. Because he had a genuine desire to swim even if he struggled behind the rest.
So it makes sense for Tav to hand him over, they can rationalise it. After all, it is what Khal'ian said he wants, right?
And it stings so much more that this happened after he finally decided not to bury his emotions, after he genuinely trusted Tav and let them see the "ugly" sides of him, the unfitting sides for a supposed monk.
Because it is a grave he digged himself when Tav sees this one usually wise guy act so unlike himself out of the sudden, of course they'll think something is wrong if they never bothered to know him better before.
Of course they'll think the solution the githzerai are offering would just bring back the usual old Khal'ian, not realising it completely destroyed all resemblance of any personal thoughts he has ever held until it's too late to turn back.
A soul lobotomy omfg. Leave it to Gith technically to invent something like that and not hesitate to use or for the "betterment of society" even their supposed peaceful monk groups can be brutal.
While for Khal'ian it is the end, he treats it as the death it is because he knows he will be nothing more than an empty shell, a walking corpse. But his last words aren't anger, resentment or regret, but love.
He had a last chance at life, a last breath to exhale into this uncaring universe and he chose love. For his found family sister. <\3
1 note · View note
snarkandsarcasmftw · 4 years
Text
Tumblr media
0 notes
fairycosmos · 3 years
Note
TW selfharm
this is probably going to sound so weird but i have no one to talk to, do you ever get so numbingly bored and emotionless but not really that you just feel the need to hurt yourself to like, i dont know, restart your brain? I've been clean from selfharm since early spring but I just can't stop the desire i have to just hurt myself, I even want to just cut my face to see something different in the mirror. And it's not to escape anxiety or anything I'm just so bored and I dont know lol
it doesn’t sound weird at all omg i promise. total apathy is a dangerous thing nd it can be very symptomatic of certain mental illnesses, as is the desire to self harm in the first place ofc. it doesn’t always have to be an escape or a soothing technique or a way to express self loathing. sometimes it’s simply a way to engage your brain, to have something - anything at all - hold your attention and give you some, for lack of a better word, entertainment for a while. ive heard from a lot and i mean a LOT of ppl who feel similarly. also just wanted to say it’s beyond fkn amazing that you’ve been in recovery since spring omfg!! that’s no easy achievement at all nd yet you’ve managed it, proving that no matter what your brain likes to tell you, you do not need self harm to function or cope or even to distract yourself with. you’ve got a whole life and personhood outside of the habit. you can acknowledge that the desire is there while also acknowledging that you don’t need to act on it. i know it’s much much easier said than done to truly implement that into your daily routine though, don’t get me wrong. im not trying to undermine that, but i do have a lot of genuine belief in you esp with the level of self awareness you have. did you ever talk to anyone about the self harming, or about what you’re going through? i understand if that’s not an option right now but if it ever becomes one, i really do encourage it. just having someone to be honest with and externalising your thoughts can help you see them in a whole new light, plus most professionals will be willing to work on a care plan that will include a whole host of preventive measures so you don’t have to worry as much about relapsing :) i think you really have to do the work to confront the underlying causes so you can begin to heal from them, even if right now you don’t even fully understand what the are. it’s ok for it to b a process. obviously it takes time, and it may take a moment before you find a service you truly click with - and i completely understand that asking for help when you can’t seem to care that much about anything - is unbelievably difficult. but for now i just want you to know that you’re not trapped and you do have options, and that where you are right now is not where you’ll always be. even turning to a friend/family member/ journal is a step in the right direction. i really hope you’re doing ok nd that today’s felt a little lighter for you. please take care nd focus on getting through one day at a time. you do deserve support and to be helped through what you’re dealing with rn x
2 notes · View notes
axther · 4 years
Note
For CH/JJBA Basic info: straight female, 5'4, Scorpio! If it matters my mbdi is debater, which I think is accurate. I'm a bit curvy/soft and I have really long wavy hair and glasses. Now for fun stuff! I'm a split between being very hyperactive (almost like a puppy lmao) or very quiet (not shy, but more indifferent. I've been told I'm intimidating) I'm into polyrelationships so the more boys the merrier. I like hiking and sports when I'm with people but don't do it by myself cause it's boring. 1
HERE’S UR FOOD QUEEN. also tumblr got me fucked up w no CH gifs :(
Cute Earth High Defense Club Love (Season One) V1
Tumblr media
#1 is…Atsushi! 
Tumblr media
He’s the most normal out of all the characters, to be honest
When he sees you, it’s nothing spectacularity radiant, per se
There’s a pretty girl in his school! cool! 
The strangest part is that it’s an all-boys school, so naturally, he’s confused
Through a series of plot shenanigans, you’re there as an exchange student
And he’s been told he has to help you get settled!! 
He introduces you to the Earth Defense Club, and slowly you two grow acclimated with each other 
While you’re friendly to everyone else, there’s something different between you and him 
It’s chemistry, and even Ryuu wouldn’t dare poke it 
One afternoon, someone asks you out via love letter, all the extra stuff
And you turn them down as politely as you can 
But thanks to the indifference, the boy gets offended 
He turns into a letter-shaped monster, and the Battle Lovers have to step in 
Atsushi is both appalled and terrified 
Did the monster hurt you??
Why did the monster appear around you? 
Was it something to do with you? 
He spends half of the battle just covering you 
And once the monster starts spewing slander, Atsushi is having none of it.
Whatever the monster says, Atsushi refutes, defending you until the rest of the battle is at a standstill and he’s just bickering with the monster. 
Eventually, Atsushi practically makes the monster choke on respect women juice, and on behalf of the passed out student, Atsushi begins apologising non-stop to you
You’re confused as hell 
The internet-famous Battle Lovers know you??
All you can see is the blurred out faces, and the blue one, the self-declared Piercing Prince, Epinard, seems to be constantly hanging over you 
And honestly 
He’s a cutie 
This results in a sailor moon-esque situation 
Where you have a crush on Epinard, Atsushi has a crush on you, and he’s miserable upon realising what he’s done 
Does he reveal that he’s Epinard???
Honestly, probably not on purpose  
I can absolutely see them talking about it and he’s like ‘do i always have to yell out im Epindard’ and he turns and sees you 
And you’re like ‘????? excuse me???’ 
Which results in more shenanigans 
#2 is…Yumoto! 
Tumblr media
babey boye 
He falls for the flirting every time 
He reciprocates as best as he can, but for the most part, it’s just him being soft 
He hugs you so much omfg 
It gives Wombat a break, and though you don’t know he’s a talking wombat, he’s all for you being there 
What’s interesting is that he’s telling everyone he’s gonna marry you
And since most of the ppl in the school are bros, no one’s told you 
Which gets awkward 
Because he’s 200% told you that he loves you 
But you take it as ‘:D! I love platonic love between my Friends! :D!’ 
So it becomes a Situation that everyone gets second-hand embarrassment from 
Yumoto has told his brother that he’s gonna marry you and you’d be the bathhouse’s Okami 
But you’re thrown for a loop when Gora asks you when you and Yumoto started dating 
And you’re like ‘??????’ 
This results in a brief but stern conversation between Gora and Yumoto 
And Yumoto feels guilty, of course
But you’re so sweet! And you flirt with him!! Doesn’t that mean you like him??
It’s a bit of a wakeup call, but he’s still only got two brain cells
You gotta cut him some slack 
For about a day, he chills out, though he’s melancholy 
After that he’s back to being oblivious and sweet 
#3 is…Kinshiro! 
Tumblr media
Did someone say ‘emotionally constipated teenager who’s in a rivalry with his childhood best friend for the girl they like but he has no idea how to approach her due to the fact stated above (he is emotionally constipated)’???
no????
Ok that’s valid
But you want a polyamorous relationship???
He and Atsushi are gonna be your best bet. 
This boye is completely lost when it comes to wooing you 
He thinks you’re graceful in a quiet sense
And while you’re a flirt and a meme lord, you’re also yourself 
Ibushi notices almost off the bat 
And he’s like ‘my guy, my dude...my cousin??? Fr???’ 
Kinshiro is crazy confused and embarrassed 
He’s always considered himself to have tunnel vision
But then you pass by and he gets a whiff of your shampoo and 
Oh no 
he gets kinda lightheaded and blushy but wipes it away fast 
Whenever you pop by to say hi to Ibushi he completely freezes 
Like he just stops moving altogether
 It’s something you, Ibushi, and Akoya have noticed 
Y’all exchange glances every time he freezes while sipping tea 
The MOMENT he realises you like Epinard he gets lowkey pissed
 Do you seriously like that barbaric, stupid Battle Lover??
He’s like ‘I’m elite, graceful, rich. I’m the better choice :(‘ 
Make him drink just a bit of respect women juice 
But he’ll be very, very soft for you
And after he finds out about Atsushi being Epinard and Atsushi likes you?? 
Well, it’s two birds with one stone 
He’ll do his best to hint that he likes you, but Akoya and Ibushi have to help him along 
Especially Ibushi, since he’s your cousin 
Get ready for a flood of thoughtful but expensive gifts
Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure V2 
Tumblr media
(Note: If you want a poly relationship, all three of these lads have convenient best friends...👀)
#1 is…Josuke!! 
Tumblr media
Mans is a himbo (refer to chat) 
Sure he’s got like, one brain cell, but it’s dedicated to you!! 
He’s a bit of a flirt, too, so be ready to fend off the fangirls 
Since fangirls in the 90’s were chiller than ones in, say, the 80’s, they mostly respect that he’s got a girlfriend 
But the moment one of them tries to hurt a hair on your head, it’s game over 
Now
The thing about it is that you get shy 
But your shy is looking scary as hell 
So all they see is a glare that would make the devil run, and they bail 
Josuke relates to your fear of bugs!!
He’s not fond of turtles, so you guys can have each other’s back!! 
If you want to draw him something, he can and will frame it in the best frame he can convince Joseph to buy 
Is it gold foil?? Maybe 
Before y’all get together, he pines like no other 
He’ll start frequenting places you go to just because he wants to see you
And he doesn’t think it’s creepy but gets worried that you will 
But he thinks you’re incredible 
It’s something makes him short circuit a bit 
You: :) 
Josuke: Now Playing: Beautiful Girl (Alternate Version) [Tempo Track] - Jimmie Thompson, Gene Kelly & Lennie Hayton (Singin’ In The Rain) (1952) 
#2 is…Johnny!
Tumblr media
Southern boye drank his respect women juice after he got shot 
And once he sees you???
He CHUGS it 
First off this is like the late 1880’s so anyone who bathes is probably stellar 
So he, too, has the Joestar Blessing of having Beautiful Girl play on repeat 
But as soon as you start flirting???
He’s GONE 
I mean this in the most literal sense 
He’s a good Christian boye (theoretically) 
So once you talk about dating him he flushes bright red
He’s aware that you’re just flirting, but oh hmmm 
He starts crushing fast 
Plus if you don’t judge him or think he’s weaker for being in a wheelchair? 
Give him a second he’s trying to find a ring 
He might be in a wheelchair but he’s in no way inadequate, if you get what I mean 👀
(who am I kidding, of course you do) 
Considering that memes weren’t much of the thing in the 1800’s if you find some, he probably wouldn’t understand them 
But he does enjoy when you play the piano 
But let’s say there’s a stand attack
And you just bust out knives??? 
instant boner 
#3 is… Joseph!
Tumblr media
Flirt, but times two 
Y’all make anyone blush 
No one’s safe 
And with each other??
It can get foul, fast 
Does Lisa Lisa step in?? 
No, not really 
She’s not gonna interfere at Joseph’s chances of getting laid 
Plus she approves so!! 
Catch him trying to flex while you’re around 
Be it him trying to beat Cesar’s ass (and failing) or literally flexing, he wants to impress you 
And while he knows that you’re a flirt for the sake of being one, he also gets a bit nervous when you flirt with others
Especially if he hasn’t confessed, actually confessed, yet
Plus, he’s got a special arm 👀
Y’all know what’s up 
@matchupdomain @peeshposheddie
7 notes · View notes