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neko-shinigxmi · 5 years

Text

.: Drama Involving AJ :.

Stylized ‘til I die, I guess. Anyways.

This is talking about phasefuck/huckerbee/teafrogs/whatever their URL is this week. AJ/Lee. The compilation of what’s happened involving them.

So... Starting at the beginning.

D was the reason I got into Borderlands. I watched her play TFTBL and gush about Rhys and get more involved and understand the ship she had! Also got my first crush on Zer0, but... Y’know.

So I did some art, started plotting ideas for who’d eventually be Gremlin- aka Rena Marlow, my SI for BLands- and that led...to us meeting AJ. They wanted me or D to join their server. D preferred because of her self-ship with Rhys, but I could join, too. D was nervous about new, strange people and I wanted to learn more about Borderlands and try new things, so... I hopped in, D stayed behind.

The time with them was pretty fun! Ended up making some friends, plotted fun ideas for AJ’s idea of the time, Borderlands Infinite. A continuation of Tales as AJ saw it. The server was made PRIMARILY for this endeavor and everyone in it was allowed an OC or self-insert to be paired with whoever they wanted to be with....long as they were open, that is. AJ had HJack, and everyone else... Well, most of the spares had been paired off by the time I joined.

Rhys was potentially still open, cause someone AJ had previously been talking with...either wasn’t responding, or had dropped out entirely. I forget by this point. Zer0 wasn’t an option and I didn’t know much of the others, so.... I accepted Gremlin to be paired with Rhys.

Thus the origins of my verse with Rhys. (As well as the OT3 with him and Vaughn... They started here.)

Tension was pretty high in the group and- though I didn’t acknowledge it at the time- it was primarily from AJ. Nobody else could like Handsome Jack “too much”... You could be playful about him, a little joke-flirty...but if you were suspected to like HJack, then you were “stealing” him from them. Because of this- while the group was friendly enough- it was hard to get into the “share faves” vibe that a lot of us seemed to have; gushing about a character that wasn’t your own just......felt weird.

Not sure if anyone else noticed, but that was my experience.

Anyways, I helped AJ with their story a lot due to being online a ton, with no work to do. We talked on the daily about what Rena could do, what Helios was like, how the story would go... The long-term slowburn we were putting Rena and Rhys through. I praised their art and ideas, they cheered for Rena/Rhys. It was pretty mutually supportive....

...Until AJ kicked fits. I was always online, so what about everyone else?? When I wasn’t online- sometimes if I was- I’d get put on a pedestal for helping out while others said nothing. (Essentially saying something like “Aki helps out all the time, but nobody else does” or, the popular one, “maybe I should just delete this since nobody cares.” I don’t have screenshots of this for reasons that’ll be explained in a moment.)

We typically talked them out of these, but eventually... It did happen. AJ messaged me that the old group had been deleted and there was now a new group of only the ACTIVE people. This left me and a few others, thought some other people would eventually cycle in. (One of which still being someone I look up to even today!! Even if we don’t talk much, lol.)

I got more creative freedom during this time, since other people “lost out” in their spots and... Somehow, this led to me taking on Nisha, too. I paired her with my OCs, Pyrotech and Meowzer. (Ex-Creepypasta OCs revamped for BLands. Is this my origins for my Nisha ship? Kinda!!!)

But by this point... I had grown to *really* like HJack. I’d made a slip before (more on that later), but learned his character very well and even played him for roleplays AJ and I were doing. AJ played themself and Rhys; I controlled Jack and Rena. All that research led to feelings....and ones I knew AJ wouldn’t approve of. So I did two things, right off the bat: kept my head down and immediately worked on justifying why I liked him. See, it’s because...it’s not the “canon” Handsome Jack!! The one I ship with has golden clasps! So they’re not the same!! And uhhhh....more bad things happened to him? He dresses more lavishly...?

I kept trying to come up with ways AJ might approve of my AU Jack without invoking their wrath. Not that...it would end up doing much, in the long run.

I invited one of my friends to join during this. One who also liked HJack...and proved my worries right. (Checked my Discord; I still have some of the messages!!! Whoop, here we go...)

Don’t have screencaps of the drama that proceeded to unfold- especially due to AJ blocking me on Discord and so losing all of our conversation- but.... That’s just how THAT is, I guess.

They did get super cold after and I had to explain things to my friend, while also assuring AJ that I would handle things and it’d be alright. It was an uncomfortable hiccup, but one that went by easily enough...

Though as I said, it was a significant event to show me how careful I needed to be when it came to HJack and AJ.

Also during this time... Another friend I’ll just refer to as P. We’d also been roleplaying in this time and having a blast. Absolute joy and- we don’t talk much anymore- but I do still consider them a dear friend. I played as CEO Rhys for them and they were Handsome Jack for me; we played our characters (my SI, their OC) and just... Had so much fun with it all.

So then... Amidst all the fun, it eventually happened.

What I described in this callout post.

AJ and I...we ended up dating at some point. I thought they were cool, we got along well, talked a LOT and all this... So I didn’t see a problem with it. Why not? I’ll get to have an awesome artist S/O with their cool ship and all their ideas... We’re gonna be unstoppable!

...But I also had abandonment issues. Too many times did I pour my all into someone, only to be left empty. I’ve always been the most supportive person in a room, trying to uplift EVERYONE to feel good! Cause yeah, everyone deserves that! AJ knew this. We’d talked about our issues and vented.....

And they still did that. They left my server as I slept. Blocked me on Discord, though I didn’t notice it at first.

...It was the one day I checked Tumblr first. They left their blog for a new one. Okay!! I’ll follow them on there, then! I did, and checked Discord. That was in the vent channel, and this was sent to me by a mutual friend.

So that’s how I woke up that day. Suddenly alone and single. And very, very depressed. I would end up posting these as my friends had to help me down:

“ ……now I wish I would’ve gotten lost after all or kept sleeping ….nothing is work being awake right now”

“ I just don’t want to exist I hate myself all over again I can’t get past that”

“ AJ just…..dropped me. Just like that. I didn’t know and tried to follow her new blog….. Either they just soft-blocked me or outright blocked me

“I feel so fuckin’ horrible”

At the time, I was horribly depressed due to outside causes. I was suicidal at the time and getting into some light, risky behavior in hopes it could be a factor in the end of my life. (I would walk around at night, hoping that the growing heat would either cause heat exhaustion or someone would attack me. Abduct me. Whatever meant that I would be gone and in pain.)

I later learned that this is actually learned behavior; my dad would react in extremist ways to things (something broke? “I want to kill myself.”) and so I probably learned it from him. This has actually made managing my suicidal thoughts easier, but at the time, I did not know this and put me more at risk.

Though this then kept continuing.... Because of course these things do.

It starts all over with me trying to move on. Someone was advertising their self-ship server, I wanted to try again and make friends... So I gave it a shot and joined!

....AJ was in there.

I quickly left as soon as I had entered, telling the owner I couldn’t stay due to troubles with someone else in there. They were understanding and, thankfully, that was that.

...But it STILL wasn’t. These are older messages, so I can’t get them together as much as I’d like to (in one screenshot, is what I’m saying) so I’ll also quote these, but if anyone needs screenshot proof, I can get that on request.

Anyways, our mutual friend (I’ll nickname her MF for “mutual friend” lol) later piped up with this:

05/19/2018 “So, aj invited me to a group chat and I'm a pushover who hasn't been able to cut them off yet so I said yes and boi I'm big uncomfortable now Like I thought I could maybe juggle being friends with both aj and Rachel even after what aj did but I was wrong.

“But idk what do now. I don't know what to say to them because I don't want to just drop them without saying anything. No doubt that'll get them talking about me behind my back”

.:.

“I might try that. I might mute the server so that I don't have to deal with that because i can't stay in it but I don't want to start shit by leaving I mean they are acting like Rachel is in the wrong”

.:.

“That they "stole their f/o" and that they are going to take the dragon idea that Rachel had for blands and "make it better" out of spite And I'm not happy”

.:.

“Well I just typed up a long message and while I'm glad I'll finally cut out a toxic person I'm also super nervous

“I sent it and left the server

“Wow okay all I got was a "Bye then" I sent a long ass message. Explaining my side and why. Hoping they'd understand and they just said bye then??????”

As you can see.... Everyone who’d been in that server (me, P, and MF) were on-edge about the “talking behind our back” issue that MF confirmed above. I figured it would happen, but it did...and that was a league all it’s own. (Especially when the callout post went around, and it got confirmed AGAIN that slander in my name was still going around.)

But one more thing happened that triggered this onslaught... Remember my RP w/ P? Well, this happened.... [TW for daddy kink mention? Calling themself Daddy?? That thing.]

Link to Ask.

Was never reblogged. Sent to me by a friend. To my knowledge, nobody spread this around AT ALL. But this was brought up in the same vent/time period as the above conversation.....

MF: Aj said that Rachel stole hj from them.

Me: Me, apparently. It's somewhere between that post and the ask (I think?) P sent me..... Which I loved and was hella surprised over, but. Oh boy.

Fren (aka owner of Karma): My god wtf can she like calm tf down

MF: They actually were mad that people were reblogging a post of yours, probably the kitten thing, that was about hj because it's "gross"

Fren: geeze Aj grow up

Me: ??????? Nobody reblogged it, tho

MF: Hmmmmm they vagued about someone shipping with him, someone they had blocked, that liked the daddy kink and stuff

I mean. I get it’s a gross thing for people, but.... HJack has also called himself “daddy/papa” on more than one occasion. It’s up for debate if he does it because he is Literal Dad or because he’s that nasty, but... Considering everything else he does, the latter seems the most obvious. That’s just how he is.

Anyways. The point being that we had each other mutually blocked by this point. I had people either block me, soft-block me, OR just outright unfollow + soft-block me because they were more trusting of AJ than of me. So to hear that they somehow knew P was sending me that ask...... Either someone TOLD them or they were stalking my blog to see what I was doing while they were gone.

Either way, not great. (What was pretty funny is I later made a joke about “stealing the rights to Handsome Jack from 2k so nobody else can do anything with him” and that “I’m a wanted man”... That’s nice.)

And so... We get to more recently.

Last I personally heard, I had to do some personal checking that led up to this... Saw leeships in self insert tag. New self-ship blog, so I blocked, as well as checking their blocked main to make sure everything lined up....and was greeted with this.

They’ve since changed their URL- again- but the fact they’re STILL being petty towards D is just....something else.

Speaking of, I’m not actually...sure where that started. There was a whole conversation we had over how AJ treated D out of sight of others (they talked over IMs, I guess because we were budding friends at the time, and what else do I do but hype up all my friends?) There was a lot of attention-seeking behavior from AJ (showing their art and then getting mad when D or Fren tried to compliment them for “lying” about the compliment...?), but far as I knew/remember, there wasn’t any bigger issue.

...After we broke up, however, an issue began as D and I became better friends. Friends stick with friends, D knew AJ, so when the blocking-bug was going around, D blocked them, too.

Which eventually snowballed into the bullshit you can still see today. With AJ trying to claim that D is the one dealing out harassment when- at worst- maybe D did talk too much and AJ didn’t deal with it in a healthy way. (Because that is an issue I’ve heard of; except AJ freaked out over it, instead of talking it out like a healthy adult and figuring out how they could balance out the conversation. Seriously. I’ve had this talk with D. We don’t dominate our conversations at all; nobody over the other. If there ever was a problem, then literally just saying “Hey, I don’t feel heard/listened to when I talk about my ship” was all AJ ever needed to say, but....... Y’KNOW.)

I’m not D, so I can’t say the full scenario of that, but this is the best way I can show there was a middle ground AJ could’ve used to work things out, but they didn’t.

Oh, and just so I’m not saying things if you haven’t already seen this... Here’s a screenshot someone (for privacy’s sake) got of AJ trying to pin the blame on D for being the “real harasser” in their BYF:

We all just wanted to get over this. However, D and I especially don’t want to get involved with or be AROUND AJ/Lee in any way. So we keep an eye on what they do so we can feel safe. We DON’T want to forgive AJ/Lee (for obvious reasons), so we keep blocking their accounts and/or make sure they’re still on our blocklist.

I know I’ve resorted to putting their URLs on BLACKLIST to make sure I don’t see them at ALL because of how much stress they put me under just seeing them around.

What the hell do THEY have to be stressed about? Dealing with people they hurt for BEING hurt and not wanting them around us anymore?? Fuck....

.:.

Anyways. I guess that about concludes all I wanted to write about. Friendly reminder that their old callout post is here and while I doubt a new one will crop up any time soon (as I sure don’t want to write one that’ll get around, after the last time I had a friend try to help me do a callout post on someone like this), you can at least look up that one more time after reading this.

So...... That’s the end. Thanks for reading this and I’m sorry if anything was upsetting.

...If you want, you can come to the ask box and ask for a gif of your F/O? Or a cute puppy or kitten? Maybe I can find some nice fanart for you as comfort...? IDK, options.

#Aki speaks #It's the Discourse

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luisneer · 6 years

Text

selected tweets 2016-17

These are tweets from my first @luisneer twitter account. Recently I made a new twitter account with the same username, after having deleted my account and having been without twitter for several months. These tweets are from August 2016 to March 2017, which was most of my first year of college at Shepherd University, in Shepherdstown, West Virginia. I don't go to Shepherd anymore; I transferred to West Virginia University, in Morgantown, WV, after my second semester. My tweets from late March 2017 to [July or August] 2017, when I deleted my twitter, were not archived.

I'm creating this blog post so the world will have access to some of my tweets from the deleted @luisneer, in case they have any merit as literature. I'm still not sure if I will continue to use twitter in 2018/the future. Usually when I use twitter I feel like I'm actually wanting to be doing something else, but I don't know what; or wanting to be using "another app" that doesn't exist. Twitter generally seems bad for me. Questions about my tweets August 2016-March 2017 can be directed at [email protected]. Thank you

2016

morgantown has ~48 vape shops

**morgantown has ~480 vape shops

siri has werner herzog-like inflections

considering changing outfits when i take several walks in one day (so nobody thinks im a serial killer, stalker, spy, alien)

think i remember ~5% of things i said today

imagined vague connection btwn 'vitamin d' and 'reptar'

felt distinctly that i was a monkey or chimpanzee while crouching in the corner of my dorm room eating peanuts out of a jar

just thought (as a request to my mom) 'fax me my skateboard...'

looked at toilet in bathroom stall with expression of 'utter terror' for what felt like ~15 seconds while it flushed

listening to bright eyes with headphones at house show

feel that the toothpaste i use is advancing decay of my teeth

feel 100% certain that i could train myself to use telepathy to operate my phone during classes

enjoying the sensation of my right leg 'falling asleep' during psychology class (left foot is also 'asleep')

felt 'sociopathic' after eye contact w library worker who watched me pick up & pocket a pair of apple headphones someone had left on a chair

left stolen apple headphones on gray bench across the street from my dorm

repeatedly placed/removed sunglasses while walking in hallway

strong desire to remove all positive patterns from my life and perpetuate/embrace all negative ones

feel that my laptop 'knows' which parts of its screen im looking at

in winchester, VA

thought of my own music as having 'no compelling audible elements'

thought of myself as being legally named 'the fuck up', then couldnt remember my actual name

successfully, i feel, duplicated 'sociopath facial expression' during eye contact with arch-nemesis in stairwell

ive taken 13800mg ibuprofen since i got to college

feel compelled to ask my 9 yr old brother for advice re 'college-level' personal issues

feel smart after sitting on couch in painting studio + reading art magazines for 2 hours

persistent notion that 100% of students at my college personally hate me

psychology professor muttered something like 'scary snake... endocrine system...'

feeling heavily drugged/sedated in psych class

psych professor seems obsessed with/terrified by snakes

imagined kanye smoking crystal meth and tweeting something like 'please help me... cant feel mouth... need help'

saw a moth at open mic, thought about god

experiencing difficulty trying to smile

enjoying using numerous cliches ('the case is closed', 'taking a step back', 'harsh realities') in an essay

intrigued by conversation i had 9 hrs ago w/ 2 boys who countered my tone (calm, eloquent) exactly by being loud and rude in a friendly way

felt simultaneously really cute and really lonely while giggling with my mouth closed in french class

imagined kanye inventing the word 'compactualize' and using it in a sentence during a televised interview

enjoyed 8-sentence john updike bio in norton lit anthology

perceived person standing outside bathroom stall occupied by me could 'sense', via something like echolocation, that i was/am depressed

spoke to french professor in what felt like a distinct persona/alternate luis neer called 'marge simpson voice' luis neer

feel confidently that the public debut of 'marge simpson voice' luis neer was a success

feel that 'marge simpson voice' luis neer is the culmination of an unconscious process that initiated in my mind maybe 3-5 years ago

i want to identify/analyze additional alternate luis neers

i dont like videos

i came to college and got weirder, better at writing, more arrogant, more defeated, more sensible

simultaneously feel that i should run 3 miles and that, at this moment, i would be incapable of running any distance

feel urged to draw new attention to my 'marge simpson voice' tweets

huge power outage at shepherd lol

realized theres no such thing as a 'nation'

remembered ive blown off obligations to several people, not just one person, so my irresponsibility doesnt 'have a focus', felt comforted

feel that my follower count is 'crystallized' / will never increase or decrease ever again

struggled to convert 'stick-and-poke' to past tense during conversation in line at sheetz

feel it would be pleasurable to take a donut + bottle of coca-cola from this sheetz via armed robbery

crossed busy road, felt really surprised i didnt get hit by a car, also i wasnt wearing glasses, was walking to sheetz, bought an icee

laughed alone in my dorm thinking that i should print out a picture of barack obama to put on my wall

drank from separate glasses containing soymilk, coffee, iced coffee, apple juice, cranberry juice, water, sprite for dinner/breakfas

just thought 'from adorno to zizek' sans context while shitting

opened gmail, emailed my father, closed gmail, opened gmail again, viewed email to my father, forwarded it to myself

'camcorder' would be a good band name

i thought arnold palmer had already died

willem dafoe doesnt make me uncomfortable

i want to stop being mean

i hate bfs but i want to be someones bf

wishing i was in a car with friends and no cellular service

tangled up in myself and others

twin peaks is depicted as a small town but its population is greater than that of every city in west virginia including the state capital

eating shark

thought of my own intelligence as 'frightening'

thought while walking to class that ginger ale should be made public domain

had the stitches on my chin removed today, touched the scar tissue for the first time

i miss being in therapy

i love carpet

i love carpet !!

just thought about my own tweets and lol'd

mood lately very fragile

this is what i get for staying up til 5 am

all night i've felt a wave of dread swelling up, now it's really hitting me

sound of laughter in public still frightening + unnerving

my instinct for when to unfriend people on facebook has adapted so that i unfriend people over statuses that make me feel no emotions at all

fuck, im feeling so much terror

gucci mane was born 3 days before conor oberst

the other day i mentioned that i was a poet and this vape guy interrupted me to say "and you didnt know it" and i went fucking nuclear

interacted with mailman who was picking up mail as i was trying to mail chapbooks, he didnt notice at first that i was talking to him

what if old people have secrets

my dad is making me root for a football team but im in pain emotionally

i feel guilty in general

thought of my poem "portrait of a nation without any people" as the "lead single" for my full length; it appeared in potluck 14 months ago

im close friends with satan rn

feel like travis scott never intended for people to spell his name with a $

from now on every time i get honey on something ill list the thing in this thread

finger

desk

coffee cup exterior

pajama pants

knee

carpet

chin

phone

shirt

shoe

thought that my elderly geography prof. moves by "shuffling"

feeling shorter, broader

the only part of the new bright eyes box set i want is the booklet

is there a booklet? i know there are nvr b4 sn photos

the song "lime tree" came to conor oberst in a dream

i like citing things in MLA

i write essays by pretending im werner herzog

doesnt seem to be getting later

lit professor gave my project (sequence of 6 sonnets) a C, i wish she would have gotten me expelled, shelley + ginsberg both were expelled

heard someone in another room ask "where's wal-mart?" as if wal-mart were a person whose location could change

i think i just swallowed a filling while eating popcorn, i am very scared, please help

crazy how things get worse

there are people on my floor having tons of fun and im upset

bit my mattress while sitting in the chair next to my bed

weird that chance the rapper only has 2.4 million followers when he's sort of one of the most famous artists in the world rn

also weird that donald trump has made 34,000 tweets, seems like an incredibly large number

the strangeness of yesterday was, for me, augmented by people on the internet talking about a tv show that ive never seen or heard about

the sunlight is obscene

im so upset about the sun being so bright im afraid to go outside

im glad im the only poet who likes trailer park boys

i slept in a blanket fort under my bed and havent left it all day

yr = your ur = you're

my favorite things are pdfs

now that ive adapted my living space to allow me to never leave my blanket fort i feel like my roommate, omar, exists in a parallel universe

i hear him but i never see him

i love latte art, i drink many lattes

thought that twitter "isn't worth it" in an upset tone while drinking mtn dew

felt pleasant considering uniqueness of all parent-offspring relationships

went through my closet + made sure all shirts and jackets were zipped/buttoned

my blanket is generating flashes of light from static electricity

record store guy became visibly sick of me several months ago; feel a little guilty every time i enter his store to spend money

i prefer EPs

felt "out of control" walking downhill listening to dead kennedys with headphones

writing an essay is difficult because idk how much relevant information other people have already considered / moved on from

have been wanting to write at least one poem inside my blanket fort but i don't think it's going to happen, i don't know why

the internet isn't big enough

usually when i think "i dont understand the uproar about [event]" i realize there is no "uproar"

"uproar" is media's way of manipulating the public spotlight and distracting people from important tasks

feeling helpless + melancholy after dying 15 times and killing 2 stormtroopers in star wars battlefront

the only way to attain conor oberst-level emo hair is to lay in bed and sob for hours

i'm sad

my mom was confused when i told her my first book comes out today

was luis neer in odd future

thought "sometimes i just want to end it and start all over" in an exasperated tone re my goodreads account

becoming increasingly convinced it would be best for me personally to take myself extremely seriously/never joke about myself

thinking that my tweets would seem terrible if i were a senator/governor/other politician

imagined doomsday device for future @starwars movies: the "death train," a normal train that exists in space and destroys planets

how does anyone do it

in science fiction movies, spacecraft usually look like shopping malls

everyone in the world is high except me

feel like i want to have poems published immediately

having delusions of grandeur

im sitting on my record player

my most-used word in 2016 was "bleak"

prepared and ate garbanzo beans w a lot of rosemart at 2:00 AM

my brother has a friend over and is being mean to the friend

all i want for christmas is to never cheer up, ever

watching eyes wide shut and hugging duckuc

my nose feels like it's going to bleed

im sad because every bf looks like me

getting better at eating ice cream by punching it with my tongue

the internet is too freaky...

i think 2017 will be a year of realizing things

im watching the angry birds movie

the angry birds movie is so shitty... why was it made...

ive never had a new years kiss

2017

im weird

eating medicinal ice cream

im not going to do any drugs in 2017

made a medicinal phone call

i want to drink some blood

i dreamed that roger ebert wrote a negative review of life after ppl and called it "liner notes"

years dont kill people

feel inexplicably/explicably really scared about the future of my poetry career

i've felt stoned since i was a baby

downloading google earth

made eye contact in starbucks with possible luis neer incarnation from ~50 years in future; bon jovi "dead or alive" played through speakers

realised that at some point in the future i will become extremely interested in watching football

i recommend reading poems extremely slowly while touching the text with your middle finger/index finger

experiencing cognitive dissonance

used phonetic clues to correctly predict meaning of & use the word "tandem" while discoursing with myself internally

i miss steel pedal guitar sounds on conor oberst songs

my previous incarnation "college luis neer" has evolved to become "high school luis neer-like luis neer in college setting"

thought "man, i got to stop caring what people think about me" in an emphatic tone that seemed confusing/interesting

mediocore

beyonce is cool i think

i want to re-read "v for vendetta" and to not tweet about it

remembered that i own a pinata

i will be at awp

how could i make twitter a better place

i saw 4 people wearing yeezys in dc this weekend

feeling increasingly self-conscious about how much i use the phrase "in the world" or refer to "the world" in poems

felt robot-like while attaching detachable headphones cord to my headphones while wearing the headphones

watching shepherd univ lacrosse team practice from "safety of" student center

i invented releasing two chapbooks in one day

im dumber than me

reasoned mentally that im more likely to produce accurate drawings of myself because "i basically look like a bird, so i just draw a bird"

i want to have a "fake tweet" (e.g. a simple phrase) to tweet repeatedly every time i feel urged to tweet an uninformed/unimportant opinion

my fake tweet for the foreseeable future will be "i dropped my textbook in the stairwell". when i tweet this it means i have an opinion

i dropped my textbook in the stairwell

does anyone remember the chapter of "the hobbit" where bilbo avoids starvation by ingesting peanut butter, honey, cherry nyquil, and water

sensed that all my college friends just simultaneously shifted from having vague/non-serious negative feelings about me to hating me

resulting from continuous building of irrepressible/inevitable conjecture in the friends' conscious thoughts

eating chicken and squash

i click on 100% of poetry links tweeted by poets i follow

when i was writing Waves i was obsessed with waves (e.g. energy waves, frequencies) and used the word "waves" at least ~10 times every day

i dropped my textbook in the stairwell

white nike swooshes on shoes of boy in library look vibrant/magical

terrified of being cool

walked to library really slowly while listening to noise music through big headphones

i was really, really yung when i started publishing and i'm still really yung

2 chainz always looks like he's walking in an airport

i have 5 twitters

i didnt know what bill paxton looked like, i was thinking RIP gene hackman

why doesnt anyone blog about me

thesis statements arent real

thinking about my book

i deleted both my tumblrs by accident

sad about my tumblr

my name is all over the internet

im a lizard

someday there'll be no more ppl

a lot of conor oberst song titles have parentheses

feeling sad about the actions of my clone, who passed away

idk how to use venmo or what it is

present-day tumblr is like the end of the never ending story where atreyu is talking with the rock biter and the nothing is swirling around

when someone, anyone, is upset with me im afraid im going to be assassinated

the views-era apple music ads that depict drake working hard in the studio have really affected and inspired me

on tumblr i have 4 followers

almost all of my tweets seem unimportant

feel that if someone told me that one of my tweets made them upset i would just apologize and delete it

ground control to commander venus

i like my new tumblr

i would be wearing a cardigan rn but i dont have one

feel that i will continue to generate bright eyes-related content throughout my life

is everything ok

i look like michael moore

#words

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