#I’ll reach out to people ocsssionally if it’s important or for whatever occassion i feel like dictates reaching out first (holidays or bdays | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

whimsyprinx · 1 year

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in an effort to spare myself from getting hurt and others from getting annoyed I’ve decided once again that I’m not going to be the first one to reach out anymore (but for realsies this time)

#whimsy whispers #there’s maybe three or so people I’ll actually message first and those are people who also message me first regularly along with me #messaging them first regularly so like people who already make me feel like I’m worth their time #I’m just tired of trying to start and hold conversations with people who wouldn’t do the same for me and I realize no amount of persistence #can make someone want to talk to me #so like idk #the feeling of not being worth peoples time and effort hasn’t gone away and I honestly don’t know if it ever will but I do know that I’m #going to try and stop feeding into it by seeking crumbs of friendship and affection from people and constantly seeking reassurance as well #I ultimately feel like I’m only peiples friend on surface level and it honestly hurts like I’m tired of feeling like a pest and like I’m #bothering people for time they don’t want to spare me #I’ll reach out to people ocsssionally if it’s important or for whatever occassion i feel like dictates reaching out first (holidays or bdays #idk???) or like if things change and I get normal orbit I start feeling like people care whether I speak to them or not #but in the mean time if you want to hear from me and actually talk then speak to me first #idk if it’s crappy to say ‘prove you see me as a friend and want me in your life’ but also that’s kinda how I feel #I want proof that people like me and want me around and want to hear from me #like I said there’s a few people I’m going to continue talking to like normal because one: otherwise it would be self isolation again which #bad and two they’re people who don’t make me question if I’m worth the bother or not like I don’t even talk daily to most of these people #like I don’t have to hear from people daily but even then I don’t question if they like me or if I’m annoying them #so shout #also I don’t mean any of this maliciously it’s just like #idk at this point I just don’t know anymore #I have nothing against anyone I love my friends even the ones who I don’t talk to or hear from but that doesn’t make things hurt less (one #could argue it makes things hurt more)

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