#I’d be such an irresponsible ancient monarch
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obsessed with the idea of making someone obsessed with me.
#insatiable hunger to be adored 🤝🏾 burning desire to be chased after#god I’d be so super responsible w it too bc I’m not an asshole#not that much of an asshole anyways#I’m nice I’m good I’m nice I’m good I’m im I’m im#this is not yearning. it’s more like having an unproductive reaction to boredom and chronic loneliness#I don’t even think it’s love I want to give tbh but I do want to give something and take a little something of my own#I’d be such an irresponsible ancient monarch#like ‘yea I share blood w the gods. didn’t you see me die and come back to life all covered in blood <333’#‘yea it hurt worse than anything but I can tell you what dying feels like. umm no who is saying I came back weird???’#‘ no yea of course you can devote your entire life and heart and mind to me. it’s fine it’s cool I promise <3’#‘ sure u can stay a while it’s whatever’#imagine if that’s who I was in a past life#and now the scales need to be balanced by existing as a ghost of a human#but that core desire remains regardless of the form I take#so much of my life I have operated under ‘I’m nothing I’m no one I’m not worth that sort of thing’#and mostly that’s how I’ve been treated which is fine like I’m used to it. it’s not something I’m torn up over anymore#but I will say it does make the hunger even more intense#like ofc I want to feel that obsession. it’d be the exact opposite of what I’ve historically experienced#the maths is mathin
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