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universal-kitty · 5 years

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“What am I to you?” + ur edgiest f/o??

❤ ▬▬ emotional starters to kick you in the feelings.

This was the usual by now. Ichimatsu would leave home to feed the neighborhood strays- as per usual- and, somewhere along the way, meet up with Rachel, who’d join him and give love to the cats that flocked among them... When not making some of them sour at them, as they often brought healthy things with them. Like some sort of...application that would help kill fleas and such.

Nice of a thing to do for these domestic strays, but it always made him frown. They always let themselves get hurt if it meant helping som- a cat. Wincing in pain at the scatches, frowning at the yowls and hisses, but always smiling at the end of it, happy that the cat got some treatment... No matter how long it’d last the stray. (As, just like the both of them, the cats were bound to get into trouble sooner or later.)

...It was almost uncomfortable to see. Because he saw himself in these cats...and Rachel as, well...themself. Always so caring and kind and gentle. Forgiving, even when the cats were mad at them for having be messed with. Patient and willing to show kindness to such grumpy kitties all over again, to win back their trust and have them purring against them in no time flat.

It felt like...how they were with him. He, too, was an angry cat. He’d say mean things, not accept their compliments, and constantly say the opposite things of what he really meant. Better to shoo Rach off then let them dig a deeper hole, stuck with someone as disgusting and loathesome as him.

They deserved better and he wouldn’t let them get stuck with him.Even as he wonders...if it’s okay to do that. Is it really okay to let such kindness go? Even if he doesn’t deserve it?

It’s what was bothering him today, even. Snacks bought for them both (by Rachel, since...he’s still a NEET), cats being fed, and others resting in their laps. A tortie kitten was in Rachel’s lap, while Ichimatsu’s lap was primarily hogged by a tuxedo cat, but others hovered around, like the ever-hovering ESP Kitty. (Though he kept the cat away, just in case he started spilling any secrets.)

They’d been pretty focused on the kitten, eyes gentle and rather motherly, when not flicking up to take stock of the cats eating, to Ichimatsu (who would quickly pretend he hadn’t been staring at them), and then back to the kitten. Purring in delight, a stray tamed by a gentle hand with very short nails... Perhaps they’d been biting them earlier in the week? He wouldn’t put it past Rachel to do so, what with their anxiety and all.

...He certainly wasn’t alone on that. A comforting thought, though fleeting. Someone as good and pretty as Rachel didn’t deserve such a horrible person around them like he is. (Right? Isn’t that right? So why does the thought of pushing them away hurt, too...?)

He barely notices when they look up at him, innocence still in their dark green eyes. A small smile on their lips... How soft would they be? Would they be okay with the thoughts he’s had about them...? Would such disgusting thoughts ruin him to Rachel forever or would he dare try believing that maybe--?

“Heh, what are you looking at Ichima-?”

“What am I to you?” He asked, tone harsher than he meant to, catching Rachel off guard. Making them flinch. (His gut swirled in regret, rejection bubbling up into a sick feeling.)

“What...?” They straightened up, brows furrowing together as he looked away, staring instead at the slowly approaching ESP Kitty. (Don’t you dare, you little shit.) “What do you mean? Where did this come from?”

“I... You...” Ichimatsu sucked in air through his teeth, focusing on the short sound of it instead of the patient ESP Kitty staring at him. At the eyes of his crush looking at him, lost and hurt. Confused at his words, ones that had no context and left them lost in a sea of anxieties. “I just want to know. Before you go off giving me ideas.”

“Idea-?”

“You know what you’re doing to me!!!” He roared, scaring off most of their feline company, including the kitten in Rachel’s lap. Scared, ESP Kitty still hovered close, fur fluffing up in caution. Their eyes were so wide with shock, staring up at him with fear...but also more confusion.

“I-I.... I don’t...understand.....” Tears gathered in their eyes, and Ichimatsu faltered at the sight, expression dropping into one of heartbreak and pain. “I...I don’t... What am I doing? I just wanted to be f-friends with y-you, but..... I don’t mean to make you h-hurt, Ichimatsu...!” His jaw was dropped, fear growing in his chest...especially as they struggled to stand up. “I.... I can go-”

“NO!!!” Ichimatsu lunged for their sleeve faster than he ever thought he could move, eyes wide and desperate for them not to leave. No... No, no, no, nonono- He’s wrong, he’s sorry, but how does he say that?! Especially to such a heart-wrenching expression like the one Rachel had on their face....

He looked down to an equally sad ESP Kitty, sighing and letting go of their sleeve... Sitting back down, and gently scooping the cat into his arms, cradling the cat there. Though seemingly nervous at first, ESP Kitty was quick to warm up to his friend again, soon looking like he had a little smile all over again.

“The truth is, I care about you a lot,” ESP Kitty said, Ichimatsu glancing up in time to see her eyes widen with shock, jaw dropping as the cat spoke! “In fact, I care about you so much, it’s scary to me. I think pushing you away will keep you safe, but I also don’t want to be alone, after knowing your friendship.”

“...Ichi...?” Rachel slowly sat back down, this time on their legs, hands on their knees as they looked between him and ESP Kitty uncertainly. He’d explain it after this, but...right now, his heart was beating wildly. Honestly, he was pretty sure that if he tried to explain what was going on, he might die. (Or get horrible stomach pains again, so. Either wasn’t a pleasant idea.)

“You make my heart race,” the cat continued. “I’ve never felt so strongly about someone before... That’s what love is, isn’t it?” Ichimatsu’s face burned as he pointedly looked away, Rachel staring at him with a blush growing over their face. “I feel like I’m not worth your time or attention or kindness...but you’re the person I love the most. Equal to cats~!

“Ah...but is that kind of love from someone like me okay? You deserve better, don’t you? Can I be someone worth your time? A NEET like me...?” Ichimatsu looked back just in time to see Rachel close, unconsciously leaning forward to the two. W-Within....kissing distance......

“...Rachel, I love you,” Ichimatsu and ESP Kitty say at the same time, seeming to stop time in that little alleyway they’ve been tucked into all the while. The quite after that confession is deafening, but somehow...feels a little less nerve-wracking? Maybe because- despite the surprise- they don’t seem as scared or disgusted as Ichimatsu always imagined they’d be....

.......Well, until the silence kept dragging on. Then he started getting worried.

“L-Look, you don’t have to be-”

“I-I love you, too.” Ichimatsu froze. Stared at their knees. Then to Rachel’s face.

“............Ah?”

“Ichi....I’ve liked you all this time,” they confessed, laughing a little as tears rose back in their eyes. “You silly... I thought you could actually do better than me!! I’m not much, you know.... If anything, I’m pretty plain.”

“You’re gorgeous! How could you say that about yourself when I’m the plain piece of garbage?! Your kindness, your love of cats... You’re way better than a NEET like me deserves.”

“Wh-What?! Ichi, I used to be a NEET before I moved to Japan! I only got out of that because I wanted to move here so badly....and I got to meet you because of that... Being a NEET isn’t all bad, ‘long as you can figure out what you want to do someday.” They hesitated, then offered their hand to him, palm up. Ichimatsu stared at it like it was some kind of alien tech......then slowly slipped his hand into their own, blushing brightly at how soft their hand was. Better than he’d ever imagined, that’s for sure. Still so kind, too...

“...So you’re fine...with trash like me being your boyfriend?”

“Only you’re okay with having a trash partner~” Ichimatsu glared at them as they gave a smug look, tightening his hold slightly.

“You’re not trash,” he snapped.

“I won’t say it anymore if you won’t~!” He stared at them, glare getting worse...then sighed, pouting. Softening his glare by quite a lot. “Heheh, I figured. We’ll work on it together, ‘kay?”

“...You’ll help me?”

“Mhm. I promise it,” they assured gently, scooting closer. “Hey.... Ichi?” As he turned to look at them, they leaned forward enough to gently, quickly peck his lips, smiling softly. Heat spread from head to toe, barely suppressing a shiver as it clicked in his head: that was...his first kiss. A messy way to get to this point, but get there they did and ahaha holy shit, this was officially the best day of his life.

“Ichi...I love you.” He had to bluescreen a little longer, processing the kiss before nodding slowly, his eyes hesitantly meeting theirs all over again.

“...I-I...love you, too.” He stared a little longer, glanced down, and then back up. “....I hope you still will...when you find out what I like......”

“Oh...? In what way, I wonder~?” Ichimatsu could only grin darkly at the mischievous look on Rachel’s face. Heh, seems like they might already know...and he looks forward to testing that.

Not today, oh no!! That’d be too much for one day and his stomach would surely fuck up the moment. But someday. For sure.

#Anon #Aki answers #Aki Stories #okay so Ichi being edgy is up to interpretation but #I went with more 'who's the mofo who's gonna make this SAD and ANGSTY AF??'#and the answer ofc #was gonna be Ichi #and what a trainwreck the confession was #so here we are!!!

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