csm stuff from a while ago x3

this is an off-the-cuff analysis that's disorganized and maybe a bit of projection based on stuff i think about a lot, but to me there's some applicability in aki's arc in chainsaw man part 1 to like, the concept of wanting to take down an entire institution with your own hands all at once. in that, attempting such a feat by yourself is unsustainable and self-annhilating. that's just not how real life works. especially when you're not a superhero, even and especially by the standards of the manga you're in. that's why aki's story is a tragedy.

choosing something destructive over something nourishing.

like. consider the gun devil as a standin for the institutions that drive gun violence or idk, capitalism itself. you could push yourself to the brink railing and fighting it all your life - you can make risky contracts and squander all but two years of your life - but it'll never happen through you alone. it's far more realistic that you need infrastructure, coalitions, and most importantly. sustainability.

and y'know, to his credit, aki DOES understand that he needs help, that he needs people who are stronger, more resilient than him. he understands that he cannot do it literally all by himself; that's part of why he looks out for denji and power and angel and the others. but it is the hubris of constant urgency that is his downfall nonetheless. like. expecting to take down the gun in his lifetime by his very actions? all his life, up until he got cold feet, this was his driving philosophy that he desperately needed to believe. and so he did, to his ultimate detriment.

radical action is often necessary, but breaking apart institutions takes many lives and lifetimes even with direct action and tactics beyond non-violence on the table. because you require the work of building community, connections, resources, infrastructure, etc to (1) organize enough power to rival that of whatever you're tackling; (2) to replace whatever institution(s) you took down; and (3) to create a generative, restorative engine that people can lean on as they go. and sometimes you are just in that ongoing process of building so that when the right convergent conditions finally emerge, victory is possible.

but that's why you cannot wear yourself down and grind yourself down to the bone and expect that to just work. we can dream of systemic change being possible through more than just moderate incrementalism, but it is still unwise to believe that it's literally just you and your work that will make the ultimate difference, that will make the last domino fall. it takes a collective, deliberate, sustainable effort. we as individuals are not insignificant in the makings of change, and sometimes meaningful societal change requires difficult choices and much perseverance. but we cannot expect ultimate sacrifice to result in ultimate success either.

that's why paying attention to what you're doing to your soul and your body and your loved ones matters. that's why it's shortsighted to believe that giving your all to a noble cause is the only way to make something of your life. that's why aki's story is a tragedy.