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#I want elders to see me and see a burned and ashy meadow sprouting green leaves again
neverendingford · 1 year
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#exploring my gender options has given me new appreciation for the gender I started with. like. now I can make my voice go highe and lighter#but now I'm exploring the opposite direction. feeling the thrill of my vocal cords vibrating through my jaw#working on eking out a few lower notes and getting that bass rumble where I can#I get incredulous looks when I do my high voice when paging over the intercom. I want to get incredulous looks for my low voice too#I want to do both#Vivec craves radical freedom - the death of all limits and restrictions. He wishes to be all things at all times.#Every race every gender every hero both divine and finite... but in the end he can only be Vivec.#that quote by Sotha Sil still lives in my head. there's a reason Vivec is such a nb icon.#I think the magic is finding a way to incorporate everything into yourself. you cannot be every gender. but you can be yourself#and humans have the ability to absorb infinite lives into themselves. we live near someone until we become. in part. them#we become part of the world around us as we live next to it. we become part of the people around us when we live with them#I've just reinvented the 'god is everywhere. I'm god and you're god' opinion I heard Christians ranting against as a kid#reject modernity. embrace pagan animism#I want people to look at me and realize that I refuse to be caged#I want people to hear me speak and realize that I live beyond the walls they have built for themselves#I want children to see me and see a forest beyond their compound#I want elders to see me and see a burned and ashy meadow sprouting green leaves again#I want to love so wholly that I cannot lose sight of myself#because how can you not see yourself when you are in the sky. in your friends. in your family.#you live in the tiny trinkets on your desk and the hollow worn into the couch#fuck it. I'm painting these words#tag talk
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