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afterspark-podcast · 4 years

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G1 Episode 26: Transcript

Episode Show Notes

[This can also be found on AO3!]

S: It's a Megaman rock opera and a Megaman rock opera prequel.

[ Intro Music]

O: Hello! And welcome to the Afterspark Podcast, an episode by episode recap of the Generation 1 Transformers cartoon. I'm Owls!

S: And I'm Specs!

O: And today we're gonna be talking about episode number 26: Attack of the Autobots. Let's talk about giant robots today, shall we?

S: Sure.

O: Today we open at the Ark, with the Autobots preparing something when the Decepticons attack. Prowl has a confrontation with Laserbeak.

S: Buy Prowl now, kids! He comes with a rad grappling hook accessory. You know you want it.

O: Tubular! [Laughter] Thundercracker and Skywarp shoot at Optimus and he tries to save Ratchet bridal style but the explosion throws them both face-first onto the ground.

S: No one’s having a good day here.

O: No one is having a good day here.

S: Rumble then, like, does his thing and sends Optimus and Ratchet into a crevice.

O: Elsewhere, Megatron and Starscream prepare to storm the Ark by spraying each other with invisibility spray.

S: Alright! Stuff that they'll never do anything with ever again. Does no one ever think of using these things, like, seriously? Do they ever think this stuff through?

O: We both know they don't. Soundwave is the only one capable of planning ahead and no one listens to him enough, obviously.

S: I guess, and then these two. They just walk smack-dab into the Ark.

O: The Autobots don't have any sort of scanning crap for their front door based on weight, heat signatures, something?

S: I mean, I thought they had a camera when Nightbird turns up or something. They had a camera at some point, but it looks like they just got rid of their anti-ninja floor which would have maybe helped here?

O: Possibly, but then Megatron and Starscream enter the main Teletraan-1 room and press a button, revealing two beds or recharging chambers, rather.

S: Oh, what does this tell us about the Autobots? Rather too much, I think.

O: [Laughter]

S: Megs tells Starscream to hand him the personality disrupter-

O: Oh god.

S: And then he just, like, plops the thing into the machine.

O: We’re in the Teletraan-1 room, right? Like this- this is really the plan we're going with instead of blowing it up or something?

S: Or sabotage?

O: Sabotage, yeah! I mean, I guess this is sabotage of a kind, but- but, boy in a roundabout way.

S: Everyone just wants to fuck with each other's heads, we already know that.

O: I guess. We were talking about Megatron and Starscream. It's like their MMO or their IMO- modus operandi.

S: Yes. And then these two just, you know, trot off outside and then take off. Megatron is laughing maniacally about the Autobots experiencing a “transformation” they won't expect the next time they go to sleep.

O: What is he, Freddy Krueger, now?

S: I guess?

O: [Laughter] The crossover no one asked for.

S: Well, someone might have asked for it.

O: Eh…

S: I don’t know. Back with Rumble, he's kneeling at the edge of the crevasse he created earlier wondering why he didn't hear Ratchet and Optimus hit the bottom.

O: Optimus and Ratchet come out magically flying and say, “Because we'd rather hit you!”

S: Okay.

O: It's so dumb, I can't I hate it.

S: Unfortunately, the mental image that I have of this because I don't actually remember what happens is that they’re doing side hugs as they fly out-

O: [Laughter] No, I think they both come out punching or something but I don’t remember.

S: Yes but what I’m seeing is like a side hug with punching.

O: Oh my god. [muffled laughter]

S: I’m sorry, it’s been so long.

O: It really has been awhile since we watched this.

S: And so, um, Megatron orders a retreat and the Decepticons follow suit.

O: I love that Laserbeak gets away from Prowl in like five seconds flat despite being caught by Prowl’s grapple hook thing. It really makes it seem like he was just toying with Prowl the whole time. He probably was, cuz Laserbeak is actually intelligent.

S: Yeah and distracting Prowl, or the guy who might wonder why the hell they did this seems like a smart thing to do.

O: Well, or the person who's going, “Golly, where’s Starscream and Megatron?”

S: Yeah.

O: So, yeah, go- pretty good planning, there.

S: For someone, which was probably Soundwave.

O: Or Laserbeak. I would, I think either one would be capable of this.

S: Yeah. Brawn yells that, “Soundwave didn't finish his nickel-plated knuckle sandwich,” as Soundwave flies off.

O: Say it with me kids, “Fuck Brawn.” [Laughter] Ratchet tries to chase Rumble but Rumble turns into a tape to escape his grasp. So he falls to the ground and then he turns back into a robot when Ratchet tries to pick him up off the ground and then he flies off, turning back into a tape and hopping into Soundwave’s chest.

S: And the good chunk of this is happening while Ratchet is knelt on the ground trying to pick him up in tape mode.

O: Which is just a wonderfully ridiculous sentence. Anyway, the Autobots watch the Cons fly away as the moon chills in the background.

S: And this, it honestly just looks like a magical girl anime shot for some reason.

O: Okay, I'm just like, how do you turn, like, the Transformers theme into a magical girl theme and and, uh, has that been done?

S: At this point, all that's coming to mind is, like, crossing the Transformers theme and the Sailor Moon theme.

O: I feel like Sailor Moon’s not a good fit. There's got to be a better- a better magical girl theme that's a little bit more action oriented, because you've heard- you've heard Sailor Moon, it's a love song.

S: Yeah, but the thing is I don't really watch a lot of magical girl anime, so I have a limited amount of experience.

O: Touche. I feel like Utena- crossing it with Utena would actually work better. Utena’s weird as balls, guys.

S: Yes, but I haven’t seen that yet.

O: I need to lend it to you, because it’s weird. It's, like, my kind of weird. [Laughter] Anyway, Ratchet comments that, “It's kind of weird that Megatron ran off so quickly,” but Prowl thinks that perhaps they were so quick to respond they were able to make their goal impossible to achieve.

S: Unfortunately, Prowl, you are extremely wrong here. You're so very very wrong, you're on a different continent.

O: [Laughter]

S: You're on a different planet. You're ice cold, buddy.

O: [Laughter] You can go south, you're, like, in the North Pole.

S: But Optimus just looks very squintily into the camera and says that, “Megatron always has a method to his madness.”

O: HE DOES!?!

S: Yes!

O: I think it depends on the day and the writer. Is he a moron or a genius? The world may never know!

S: How much crack is involved.

O: Also true. The next day we see the Autobots using the recharge chambers.

S: Oh, and our first victims are Ratchet and Optimus. And this honestly makes me think of- okay so the positioning of- [groans]

O: Okay, with how the beds are positioned, it looks very, very similar to- to the 50 sitcoms like, you know, the ones. Like, uh,I Love Lucy, uh, Flintstones is not a good example because they did sleep in the same bed. Just, 50’s sitcoms, yes?

S: Yeah, I Love Lucy, The Honeymooners, probably. Um. So basically because of, you know, morality codes or something they couldn't show couples sharing beds because- sex. You couldn't imply sex.

O: Basically, despite if they have children. I just can't get over that these are the ONLY two beds on the entire Ark.

S: It’s share and share alike here, I guess. All the minibots pile in. I don't know.

O: “Ah, nothing like a good recharge to give the old bolts some volts.”

S: Some pep in your step!

O: I really hope that's what they meant.

S: I don't want to debate the robot physiology HERE, okay.

O: Not here, not now, uh-huh. The stars! The stars are not aligned!

S: [Sighs] Optimus tells everybody to recharge after he hops out because they got some shit to do, man.

O: Teletraan-1 informs the Autobots of a rocket launch and Optimus orders everyone to the air force base because the Decepticons will obviously be trying to steal it.

S: [Sighs] It’s the only air force base in the continental United States, obviously. It's the only thing the Decepticons can pay any attention to.

O: Apparently, but this is not before his eyes turn red and he starts to sound real evil, though.

S: Yeah, everyone else appears to be bitten by the evil bug, too, as their eyes also start glowing.

O: We have confirmation that Optimus, Skyfire, Prowl, Bluestreak, Brawn, and Hound have been affected. Teletraan can apparently sense evil now as it blasts out about an evil presence being di-tected- di-tected? Detected!

S: Honestly, why couldn't Teletraan-1 tell there were evil presences there earlier with Megatron and Starscream, or any of the other damn times the base has been infiltrated because-

O: [Whispering] Who the fuck knows? Who the fuck knows? [Normally] Megatron appears to be talking to Teletraan-1 directly now and he kind of begins to monologue to it-

S: How the hell is he aware of any of this?

O: The personality thing had a camera/communication device on it or something?

S: Well, I mean, I guess Laserbeak could have planted cameras.

O: He's a good birb.

S: Yeah, either that or maybe he's there, considering that in the movie we see him, like, filming stuff.

O: That's also true, but we don't see him in there at least as far as the cartoon was concerned.

S: That's true, I mean, the Decepticons didn't even see what he was filming until after he turned up, went into Soundwave, and Soundwave showed them or...

O: True. However, for that matter, why the hell didn't they just send Ravage for all this? He- he can turn invisible!

S: He was off doing something else?

O: Getting a college degree? In what?

S: He's taking a course in oil painting.

O: I hate you, and I hate that this the obvious answer here (is because of you): he's getting a degree in Russian!

S: Because he's always a-rushing.

O: [Groans loudly] It's the only excuse I have for Beast Wars. It’s definitely your fault, though!

S: [Laughter] The camera pans out as Megatron blabs some more. Additional bot’s that are infected are: Ratchet, Sideswipe, and Trailbreaker. So we did cover it.

O: We did cover it. Megatron orders the Autobots to silence Teletraan and Optimus just punches the fuck out of it.

S: I guess that's one way to handle that, you can't turn it off. But, I mean, well maybe you can turn it off. But I mean, someone's gonna be real unhappy about that, later.

O: Possibly. Whoever the poor sod is that's gonna have to fix it.

S: Also, Optimus is probably gonna feel like a bit of a heel.

O: I imagine. Outside we see Bumblebee and Jazz returning back to base with Spike and Sparkplug.

S: Sparkplug was feeling very, very posh today so they took the Porsche.

O: Apparently, they've been updating Jazz's sound system.

S: I find it really funny that the humans have a better quality sound system than the giant robots.

O: Well, I mean, if high quality sound wasn't something they needed or wanted during war than it may make kind of a certain amount of sense.

S: That is a good point about, like, resource management.

O: I mean like, it wouldn't be highly on the list of priorities. Can we hear what they're saying? Yes? It's good enough.

S: Yeah, granted I don't know- Decepticons are the only ones who seem to use bugs or anything.

O: Also true. Otherwise it’s Bumblebee overheard it. [Laughter]

S: Yeah. Bumblebee overheard it or, possibly, Hound getting weird radio transmissions ‘cause I think that happened too.

O: Oh right, right when, uh, he jacked into Megatron's head.

S: Yeah.

O: He didn’t, but that’s really what it looks like.

S: It really is. He had a stupid little radar dish.

O: Pretty much.

S: Yeah, so Jazz stops and they proceed to test out those new speakers but Bumblebee’s just like, “I’m- I'm done, I'm going back to base.”

O: I love that Sparkplug complains about the volume as Bee’s driving off, too. Like, Sparkplug, like, you could have gone with Bee. [Laughter]

S: Yeah.

O: Uh, but Bee arrives back to base and somehow initially misses the giant hole punched into Teletraan-1.

S: He rolled a one on this passive perception.

O: And that’s a whiff! [Laughter]

S: He got distracted by something else.

O: [Laughter] Bluestreak?

S: Maybe. Because Bluestreak’s being all creepy here and trying to drag Bee back to bed.

O: I love that Bee’s reaction to this uh, because Bluestreak picks him up. He's like, “No, wait-” But he doesn't sound afraid, he just sounds confused.

S: Now’s not the time Bluestreak and I mean, this just makes me wonder whether, like, the other Autobots just like, occasionally pick up the minibots?

O: Yeah. Like, do they- do they carry them? Are they like, “We need a nightcap and someone to hug.” Bumblebee is very huggable, obviously!

S: I don't think Brawn would be especially-

O: No-

S: Brawn- or Huffer or Gears.

O: No,no, Brawn is going to sit in the robot playpen, for being mean to Perceptor.

S: Yeah, I don't think Brawn, Huffer, or Gears would be especially, uh, popular with that but who knows?

O: Huffer would just whine all night. He would not be fun. But Bee is very popular as a cuddle buddy. A cuddle bug if you will.

S: Yeeeeeaaaaaaah!

O: Yeeeeeaaaaaaah! [Laughter]

S: [Sighs] Jazz manages to get some rock and roll with real rocks with his new speakers.

O: Which Sparkplug calls an avalanche but wouldn't this be a rock slide?

S: I don't know, maybe he's got different parlance, but I think it would just be a rock slide. Who knows. Jazz and the two humans head back to base, arriving just as Bluestreak shoves Bee into one of the infected recharge chambers.

O: Bluestreak fires on Jazz but Jazz beans him in the crotch by throwing something.

S: What did he throw? Who knows. Do they need it later? Also, who knows. Bee seems fine, I guess? I guess the chamber didn't turn on or wasn't on that long enough but-

O: He's fine, he's not evil. Eh.

S: And Sparkplug is able to fix Teletraan-1, so I guess he's the one who regrets everything.

O: [Laughter] I hope he gives Optimus a good talking to later.

S: Yeah, and Teletraan-1 then displays a video of Megatron shoving the thing in the thing, so I guess Teletraan-1 knew?

O You couldn’t have said something sooner? You had all night, Teletraan. Really?

S: Teletraan-1 has just the shittiest priority's, I guess.

O: Apparently, Sparkplug asks how many other Autobots are infected and Teletraan-1 just says, “All of them.”

S: Those beds got an awful lot of use and Teletraan-1 has no excuses-

O: No-

S: For not telling anyone.

O: No, none excuses.

S: The Autobots crash through into- through into the air base.

O: Welcome to this 30 second interlude. Now back to Spike and Co.

S: Teletraan-1 warns them about the attack on the base and Bee and Spike drive off.

O: Ratchet and Hound are in the front of some building, under orders to retrieve the plans for the solar satellite. Inside we see a female scientist chatting on the phone.

S: She's literally the best human in this episode, and I have a question. Is this the first we’ve ever heard of the solar satellite or it's-

O: I think they might- I can't remember. I think they said it earlier in the episode when um, when teletraan one was like, “A solar satellite is going to be launched-”

S Oh, yeah, it’s to do with a launch or whatever.

O: Yeah because that's what they're launching.

S: Alright.

O: So I think Teletraan-1 might have mentioned it earlier when the Autobots were like, “Oh, we have to go there and protect it from Decepticons!” and then, “Oh no, we're actually evil right now.”

S: Okay, okay.

O: But she is definitely the best human in this episode.

S: She's alerted to the two Autobots attacking and then grabs the blueprints for satellite and books it. Meanwhile we cut to, um, evil Ratchet and Hound stooped over, stalking through the halls.

O: I love that, even, evil they aren’t just destroying everything, right now.

S: Even evil, Ratchet’s got a delicate touch.

O: Not too delicate, and he does smash through the wall slash door to get to the scientist.

S: I guess you do what you’ve got to do when you're-

O: Evil?

S: Evil or mind controlled or whatever. So the lady scientist, who’s name is Dr. Harding, breaks a window and then jumps out, cushioning her fall with a convenient table umbrella and then hoofing it off into the distance.

O: Cue scenes of destruction, as the Autobots are just breaking all of the shit back at the Air Force Base.

S: They have Optimus smashing things and shouting, “Destroy, destroy, destroy!”

O: Bee and Spike arrive on scene with Bumblebee trying to talk some sense into Prime but he gets punched in the face. He says, “Prime, it’s Bumblebee, I'm one of you're-”

S: I’m one of your whats?

O: What am I, anyway? Am I your son? Is that how this works?

S: Eh, who knows? Megs busts uh, into Mission Control like he's the freaking Kool-Aid man, you know, again, threatening a scientist who tries to stop the launch.

O: Then he destroys a bunch of computers and tells Soundwave to hack the main computer which looks suspiciously like the bank of computers he just had destroyed.

S: They wanted to- they wanted to save some money. Got to reuse that stuff. Soundwave’s just got this itty-bitty little Jack in his finger that lets him jack into the computer immediately and, honestly, I'm kind of entertained that somehow... the robots are compatible with human computer systems.

O: I mean, I wouldn't put it beyond Soundwave to have like purposely thought that far ahead-

S: Yeah-

O: Either but- but, yeah.

S: Going backwards compatible for something as primitive as a human computer-

O: In the 80’s.

S: -in the 80s.

O: Yeah.

S: Verses, they're giant robots from outer space.

O: I mean, when we could make the argument about their tech isn't super as advanced as you'd think considering maybe they've been stopped since the start of war but ehh?

S: Maybe, it's just they're like 4 million years old, at least. Who knows what tech they had and also they're obviously a hell of a lot more-

O: Tech savvy than- than humans, yes.

S: They should be. Umm, and then afterwards he espouses about how “The launch can't be stopped now and in two Earth hours they'll be on the rocket, on their way to Cybertron.”

O: So let me get this straight. You went into Mission Control, blasted a bunch of stuff that apparently didn't matter, then had Soundwave reprogram the thing so it'll go to Cybertron. Do they even have enough fuel for that? Do they know?

S: That's really what I was wondering too, or is there even going to be enough room for all of them on that considering that, you know, that sort of thing. It's like a rocket but most of that is just to convey this satellite into the upper atmosphere and then it just stays there.

O: I don’t even know if this is supposed to be manned. Like, if they were just launching a satellite I don't even know if there should have been room for people, period.

S: There shouldn't have been any sort of room there. Whatever room there might be is supposed to be, like, fuel tanks or rocket engines.

O: But, but yeah! A lot the rocket gets dropped off in pieces during liftoff. Do they know that?

S: I think they just don't give a shit. I don't know, they don't give a frag, cuz they're robots. I mean, I assume that they scope this stuff out but I don't know.

O: If Soundwave or the cassettes did recon they're gonna be fine. Seeker’s did it, they’re all going to die.

S: Yeah.

O: That- that's my take on it.

S: Back at the Ark, Sparkplug says a bunch of gobbledygook about a thing he made to revert the Autobots back to normal.

O: I call bullshit, sir. But we all know it's gonna work because that's how this show works, so carry on. Uh, Jazz simplifies this as a “goodness transfusion.”

S: Oh, Jazz, we love you, we do.

O: We do, you're great. Bluestreak gets back up and Jazz seems to think they've found their volunteer test subject.

S: How did they not tie this dude up while he was unconscious?

O: Good question, it's not like Jazz didn't have time while Sparkplug was fixing Teletraan-1 and making his goodness transfusor thing. What was he doing?

S: For that matter, why the hell didn’t Jazz just- just, like, sit on him or something, so they didn't have to- didn't have to tie him up. Or have anything to tie him up.

O: An even better question. [Laughter]

S: I don't know, they probably could have locked him in one of the recharge chambers or-

O: Something.

S: Jazz distracts Bluestreak while Sparkplug runs up and sticks the device on Bluestreak’s leg.

O: This works as Bluestreak’s optics change from red back to blue.

S: And he informs Jazz that- and Sparkplug about Megatron's orders to take the airbase and steal the plans for the satellite.

O: The three of them set forth to make more attitude adjusters. Apparently, they're not multi-use.

S: I have a number of questions, including why they're stealing the satellite plan but they're literally going to be stealing the satellite?

O: Megatron wants to cover all of his bases.

S: I guess? Maybe they wanted to like review if they're going to adjust the satellite or something-

O: I suppose.

S: I don’t know, or just make copies of it but if they have it they could just- I don’t know.

O: I don't know.

S: Meanwhile, Dr. Harding continues to be a fuckin badass, climbing into a dumpster to hide from Hound.

O: In heels. I’m pretty sure she’s in heels.

S: Yeah.

O: Seriously, I’m in love with this woman. Why isn’t she in the series more?

S: She and Carly would have gotten along well.

O: I would have loved to see that.

S: She, Carly, and Chip.

O: Yeah! Yeah! Science buddies!

S: Mm-hmm. So Dr. Harding’s, um, hiding attempt almost doesn't work as Hound begins picking up dumpsters and crushing them, but Jazz shows up just in the nick of time.

O: Sparkplug and Jazz are able to return Hound to normal but the doctor runs off and right into the still-evil Ratchet.

S: Jazz is a very on point today as he stops Ratchet just in time, as well.

O: Back at the Air Force base, the Autobots are continuing their rampage continuing to blow up all of the shit.

S: Yep, tired of watching this Bee jumps on a plane and tells Prime he'll have to destroy him, too.

O: And commercial break! Buy the toys, kids, Bumblebee’s gonna die!

S: And back to the show, Skyfire is in the air, blowing shit up.

O: I just feel really bad for him, he's gonna feel super bad if he remembers any of this when he wakes up.

S: Um-hm. Sparkplug, Dr. Harding, Jazz, Bluestreak, Hound, and Ratchet arrived on the scene. They're just collecting people-

O: Yeah, this is like the superhero movies where you have to go collect each superhero. I also kind of love that Dr. Harding was riding in Ratchet, who was tried to kill her a few minutes ago. Respect, madam, respect.

S: Yup, they see Skyfire and then Scarf- eaugh-

O: [Snorts] And then Scarfplug-

S: Sees Skyfire and Sparkplug wonders how they're going to get one of the devices way up on him. Hound offers to shoot it with his vertical beam gun.

O: Patent-pending.

S: They're able to shoot him once they get him to come a bit closer and then Skyfire returns to normal and then, now that he’s there, they load up and roll out.

O: Still the taxi service, buddy.

S: The scale is incredibly off here because Skyfire just looks like he's bigger than the Ark.

O: Big boy! Bee is still holding the ground against Optimus but gets lifted up in the air, just as the others arrive in Skyfire.

S: They show up just in time to interrupt the evil Autobots’ arts and crafts lesson.

O: With aircraft!

S: There's so much you can do with aircraft.

O: Obviously. Look! I can make pretty flowers.

S: Yeah. You can give yourself wings.

O: [Laughter] Look Optimus! I’m a Seeker!

S: Hound is able to shoot Prowl and Brawn with the personality things but misses Optimus. Who proceeds to chuck Bumblebee across the tarmac.

O: Prime splits into three, by way of his trailer, Roller, and himself. So, the Father, Son, and Holy Trailer? [Laughter]

S: Yeah.

O: Hound nails the trailer and Roller in short order.

S: They missed their chance to hit the three for one deal and now they have to get them all separately and, oh no! They're down to their last attitude exchanger.

O: They apparently only had time to make one extra.

S: I'm kind of amused by the fact that they acted- so the thing is, technically, I think they made three extras.

O: I guess you're right, because they missed with one, and then they had to hit two or- for the trailer.

S: that- four.

O: Yeah, they had- so they had to hit his trailer and Roller and then him. So you’re right. Technically, they made four.

S: Which, that is actually a pretty good margin of error, I think.

O: Yeah, I’ll give you that one. You're right, they were like, “Okay, we know this many are infected, presumably,” and then they made four extra and probably ran out of time, which, fair. Okay, fair.

S: So they- they made an attempt.

O: They did. I got to give Jazz and Sparkplug more credit here. And Bluestreak, I guess, he was helping, too.

S: Yeah. Bee yoinks the uh, remaining attitude adjuster out of Ratchet’s hands and books it on over to Optimus.

O: Optimus is able to fight the control for just long enough for Bee to get the attitude exchanger on him.

S: The Autobots realize they must stop the rocket launch to stop Megatron's plan and Dr. Harding says that it must go into orbit and that earth needs the energy that it'll supply.

O: Why didn’t the Cons just steal it from orbit?

S: Because they're dumbasses and we've got to have something so, you know, have drama here.

O: Do they not have object permanence? Like, “Oh, we can't see it anymore, it's not there anymore.”

S: I guess, I don't know they've made so many fucking spaceships at this point that they just have-

O: This shouldn't be a problem! [Wheezes] Hell, Starscream is apparently space worthy! They could have just- I don't know, waited a couple weeks and chucked Starscream into the atmosphere?

S: I imagine all the Seekers are space worthy. I mean, have we gotten to the episode where Shockwave just rides Starscream in-

O: No, not yet.

S: -in space.

O: No, no, not yet. But- but yeah like we have proof that, at least, Starscream is space worthy and presumably both the other Seekers are, too.

S: I don't think, shoot. What's-his-face? Astrotrain has come in yet but he's definitely space worthy.

O: Like, yeah, yeah! Fair, fair.

S: And we know Megatron’s space worthy.

O: Oh well, yeah, right! He can fly, why am I arguing with this?

S: Yes, he can fly and, I mean, we already saw him survive a planet explosion or whatever happened with that.

O: I would still- don't know how that worked but, uh, they all load up into Skyfire again, and head over to the rocket launch.

S: Megatron rips a door off the rocket and the Cons pile in and-

O: That's not gonna cause problems at all here, huh?

S: Oh, it should. I mean, it doesn't mean that it will.

O: This ship doesn't operate on reality... right.

S: It- Yeah, it ignores so many things.

O: It does. The rocket blasts off and Ratchet and Optimus bail out of Skyfire to land on it.

S: They, um, they're go- they're the go-team, apparently. Where's Wheeljack in this? I feel like Ratchet’s missing his buddy.

O: Wheeljack hasn't been in this entire episode so I have to assume he's taking the Dinobots somewhere, otherwise I'd assume they would have all been smashing stuff up, like with everybody else.

S: At this point, I just think Wheeljack, Perceptor, and Beachcomber took the Dinobots out for some enrichment and missed the whole thing.

O: I mean, probably just so they didn't have to fight the Dinobots uh, is why they're not in here but, uh, yeah, no, I agree with that. That's much nicer.

S: Yeah, they're all out doing swamp science or something.

O: See, I'm just imagining - they took the Dinobots to the beach.

S: [indistinct]

O: Beachcomber’s with them, right?

S: Yeah.

O: So, they're all on the beach. Uh, Wheeljack is there with whatever a robo pina colada is, uh, Perceptor’s taking sand samples, Beachcomber is corralling the Autobots- er, the- the Dinobots close to shore. It's a very, very heartwarming family vacation. So Ratchet could get a bit of a break, you know, not having to babysit the dinosaurs and then they come back and it's- it's like that gif where the guy walks into the room and everything's on fire. That- that is what Wheeljack came home to- and he's, like, “Probably a good thing I left although, boy, do I hate coming home.” [Laughter]

S: Yeah, yeah. Meg- Ratchet and Optimus have been trying to separate the rocket and the satellite so Optimus can take it into orbit and Megatron doesn’t like this plan.

O: Nevermind how this rocket is fucking GINORMOUS for some reason because the Cons are so! Tiny! [Laughter] Specs just keeps, like, shrugging in more exaggerated motions, I’m sorry you can’t see it.

S: Yeah. The other Autobots want to help but aren't sure how- with how to do it without hurting Optimus and Ratchet, until Jazz gets an idea, and I wonder what that idea’s gonna be.

O: He gets on the outside of Skyfire and I love Skyfire so much here, he's like, “Watch the first step, it's a doozy,” and, of course, all I can think of is, “Watch the first step, it's a dooooozy!”

S: And then Jazz transforms into car mode, so we have a car... riding a jet. Specifically, a Porsche riding a space jet.

O: I'm pretty sure that Skyfire’s, ah, model or whatever was not big enough to do that in Macross but alright. [Laughter]

S: Who knows? And about that Chekhov's gun or, in this case, Chekov’s speakers.

O: Jazz uses his new sound system to create a musical sonic boom.

S: Jazz weaponized music to take out a rocket.

O: Of course he did. Megatron orders the Cons to, “Abandon rocket!”

S: Ratchet and Optimus land safely on Skyfire who takes them high enough for Optimus to yeet the satellite into orbit.

O: [Laughter]

S: Honestly, why don't they just get Brawn to do this?

O: I- do we even see Brawn? Is Brawn here? I don't remember.

S: I don't know, it's just no- I mean, why don't they just hire out Brawn’s services to toss things into orbit?

O: [Laughter] Well, or, like, Perceptor. I know he's not in this episode but he's in the next episode as like- I could see Perceptor shooting something into space with an amazing degree of accuracy.

S: That’s true.

O: Probably would take less fuel, too.

S: Yeah. So, yeah, Optimus yeets the stupid satellite into orbit and it's just goofy as hell. Back at the Ark, Ratchet’s yanked out the personality displacer from the recharge stations.

O: This would not have fucking happened if you had more than two beds! In the entire Ark!

S: And if they weren't controlled by the same damn thing, like, if you had separate control systems.

O: Right, so you couldn't just shove the thing in Teletraan-1. But! Everyone decides to fight for credit for saving the day.

S: Ratchet has a fit of temper, as he does not want to share and begins to argue with Sparkplug,

O: “You wouldn’t know a microchip from a potato chip!” The Autobots know what potato chips are.

S: Well, Ratchet does, and presumably Spike has eaten potato chips in Bumblebee so he might have had to deal with-

O: -Crumbs.

S: [Laughter, indistinct] -crumbs!

O: “Hey, Ratchet, I need a good vacuum.” “You need a what!?!”

S: And we have a total on the number of Air Force jets destroyed by the Autobots.

O: Jazz says it's 47.

S: How much is that gonna cost the Autobots, anyway?

O: Nothing! Optimus says Ratchet, Sparkplug are gonna fix them!

S: Oh boy. Oh boy, oh boy. Uhhh, I’m not sure they're gonna pass muster for safety tests and Spike says that they're gonna be doing it for weeks.

O: Weeks? Just weeks!?

S: Well, I guess when you have giant alien robots doing all the heavy lifting it's not that bad but rather they shouldn’t be putting those back together, anyway. They should really just make new ones at this point because planes have a lot of safety requirements-

O: Yeeeaaaah.

S: -and stuff. Uh, I don't think anyone's gonna want to be in those planes.

O: I wouldn't blame them and join us next time for episode 27: Microbots! Get ready for a fantastic journey, into Megatron???

S: Oh, it's into a world of imagination.

O: Like nothing you’ve ever seen. Also Perceptor! It is a Perceptor episode and I am delighted.

S: Yessss.

O: Also fuck Brawn.

S: And we have some fanfic for today but I think Owls’ gets to be the one to give the recommendations.

O: So, I've mentioned this before, but I have a whole uh, sheet of fics, just in case Specs forgets to do the fics. And Specs forgot to do the fics, so I get to do it today.

S: A lot- A lot of stuff happened recently.

O: It's been a busy month, guys, it has been so busy. I am so tired. The first recommendation is “Quiet” by LittleMissSweetgrass. Continuity is IDW, the rating is G. It is slash, because it is Cosmos/Soundwave. Our characters are Soundwave and Cosmos, and “Soundwave gets a virus and suddenly it is very loud.” It's a one shot. It is part of a series. It is very short but cute and uh, Coswave is one of my favourite ships ever, which is why they got added to this because it doesn't exist in G1 and I’m well aware it doesn't exist in G1 so I was, like, look I gotta put ‘em somewhere.

O: And then our other one is “Here Be Monsters” by Lush_Specimen. Continuity is IDW, it's G, its slash, it has Hoist/Trailcutter, Rodimus/Thunderclash, and uh, Minimus Ambus/Megatron- Our characters are Megatron, Hoist, Rodimus, Thunderclash, Riptide, and Minimus Ambus. In summary, “A late-night visit from Hoist forces Megatron to confront the overwhelming personal tragedies created by his legacy of violence. As he contemplates the long reaching consequences of his words he begins to wonder if he truly deserves a second chance.” This is multi-chapter but it has been completed. Um, it's just kind of nice. I'm always- I'm always here for ah, Lost Light Megatron actually having to think about things and being forced to consider, basically, his actions. So I really like this one.

S: Nice, thank you. And that just about wraps it up for us today. Remember to check us out on Tumblr or Pillowfort as Afterspark-Podcast for any additional information, show notes, or links we may have mentioned. You can also find us on Facebook and Twitter @AftersparkPod (all one word), and various other locations by searching for, “Afterspark Podcast,” such as AO3, iTunes, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, and Youtube, just to name a few. Until next time, I'm Specs.

O: And I'm Owls.

S: Toodles!

[Outro Music]

#afterspark podcast #transcript #g1 episode 26

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warriorend · 7 years

Text

is long

Bad happens but it’s not really explicit

mostly just there’s a really creepy guy (and an accident) so just watch out for those

I finished writing the woman's order down and went back to the machines, looking at my coworkers on the way by.

"Hey, I'm almost done with my shift. I think this is the last one I'm gonna do, then I'm out of here."

They all made varying sounds of approval, and I started working on the ice cream. It was pretty easy to do, really. Just strawberry, a medium. I finished and bought it back up to the front counter. She was about to hand me her money, but the ground rumbled and I dropped the cone.

She ran out of the parlor and my coworkers were already making a dash toward the back door. In the confusion, I grabbed my bag and ran out the door, jumping over the counter. I ran outside and into an alleyway, and pulled on the wig and mask, quickly pulling off my work clothes. Underneath was the suit I always wore. I heard my phone vibrate and pulled it out of my jeans pocket, looking at who was calling.

"Yeah?"

"Downtown area, near that one ice cream place."

"Already there."

The person hung up and I finished getting my stuff on, and sat down, pulling on my shoes. I tossed my bag into a small building and started climbing, jumping every so often. I jumped across the alley and got onto the roof of the next building.

I was running right toward the chaos, and I jumped down, grabbing the wall to slow myself down. I grabbed a metal pipe and ran my hand down it, feeling it vibrate. The pipe started to warm up, and I kept running. I stopped right on the border of the fight, looking around. Civilians were either out cold or running.

The superhero they called "Justice" was fighting, but I couldn't see who she was fighting. I just stood back and waited, then saw Telec.

"So, what's the situation?"

"Her archnemesis, who, by all logic, appears to really like her."

"That's a catastrophe waiting to happen."

"You don't seem too concerned. Isn't she like, a role model to you or something?"

"Sure, but she's an adult. I'm not going to get worked up over who likes her and who she likes."

"You gonna fight?"

"Eventually."

"What formation will we use?"

"None. I'm not your boss, you know. I'm pretty sure you're older than I am, after all. Besides, if that's her archnemesis, I don't want to be harassing her while she's fighting."

"So you'll fight with her? Or just stay out of it?"

"I'll fight with her, but I won't be upset if I get hit by her. I'm not entirely trustworthy."

"No, but you also aren't all that bad. I feel like you could be much worse."

"True. Can you lift me into the air?"

"I can try. How far up?"

"Building height."

"Alright, then I'm out."

"Got it."

She started lifting me up, and I got onto a pretty tall building. I could see the fight clearly from up here. The pipe I was holding was glowing a bright red at this point, a sign that it was really hot.

I made my way to the edge and stood on it, watching the fight. Both of them saw me at the same time, and I jumped off, managing to catch myself on a ledge. I pushed off and flipped, grabbing onto the windowsill of a car. When I landed and felt myself on solid ground, I looked at her archnemesis and threw the car at him, letting the momentum carry me forward into a flip.

I heard footsteps and saw Justice running toward me. I turned around and moved out of the way of her first attack, then grabbed her wrist during the second. I balanced on my heels and spun, getting her away from me.

The villain had managed to avoid the car and was now looking at me. I saw him open his mouth to say something, but I was already on him. I threw him at Justice, who managed to catch him and put his arms behind his back. I went to walk away, but I heard her voice.

"Who are you? I've seen you before, but you've always vanished before I had a chance to ask."

"Well, it'd be stupid to give you my real name, and I don't really have an alternate name. So just call me something, and maybe I'll catch on."

"How old are you? Surely you aren't that young?"

"Actually, I'm turning seventeen soon. So, if you wanna look at it in current events, I'm sixteen."

I walked away as the police arrived, dropping the metal pipe. I heard police officers yelling at me, but I just kept walking, heading back toward my bag.

"Man, the boss is gonna kill me if I don't get that mess at work cleaned up. I bet it's started melting onto the promotional messages."

I was taking off my mask and wig when I heard Telec come up from behind me.

"So that's what you look like. I was expecting you to look a little more intimidating. Cute freckles, though."

"I'm only sixteen, after all. I haven't had much time to develop any scars." "Where are your parents?"

"...In another town. I kinda...ran off after I found out the hard way about my powers."

"Alright, I won't press. Just get some sleep or food or something. Powers like that have to be hell on your energy. I think I can already see bags under your eyes."

"It's not too bad. Besides, I have a mess to clean up at work."

"You work?"

"Yeah, at an ice cream parlor. You should come over sometime."

"I would, if my eyes didn't draw the attention they do."

"Wear contacts or something. Better yet, claim that those are contacts. People will just think of you as a really dedicated cosplayer."

There was a moment where she stopped talking, and all that could be heard was me pulling my work uniform on. I heard her take a breath and put my shoulder on my bag.

"Why do you put yourself in so much danger by not aligning with one side?"

"Huh. Never really thought about it. Maybe because always having one opinion and having to dislike certain people really isn't my thing? I dunno, man."

I started walking toward the ice cream parlor, looking at the sunset. The sun was almost completely down, and normal people with bad intentions would be coming out soon.

I heard someone yell and turned around in time to see a pole falling from a lift. I pulled Telec out from under it, but it still hit her arm and hit the ground.

Her arm was in horrible condition, and I knew leaving it like this was worse than just taking off most of it.

I let energy encompass my hand, and started to work. The wound cauterized as I cut, so it couldn't bleed and make my job harder. Telec was in shock, staring at the sky.

"Kid, what's wrong? You look all scared. Wait, are you bleeding?"

"Everything's alright for now, just stay calm and keep looking at the stars."

"Alright."

I managed to finish getting her forearm off, and put my hand over the wound, pushing heat from my palm. The wound finished cauterizing and I pulled a cloth out of my bag, not really looking at it. I only gave it a cursory glance to make sure it was clean and wrapped it around her wound, then picked her up. One of the workers ran over to me.

"An ambulance is on the way. You some sort of superhero or something?"

"I'm not a hero, just a person with powers. Thank you for calling an ambulance."

"Does she have anyone else to ride with her?"

"No, as far as I know. I can, though."

I heard a wailing noise and looked up, seeing red and blue lights. Two people jumped out of the ambulance and ran toward me, but I just asked them to bring a stretcher over.

They did, and I set Telec down. They put her in the ambulance and I got in with her, bringing my bag along. The doctors took off the cloth and looked at the wound.

"Who cauterized it?"

"I did."

"A good job. Did the pole take her arm off?"

"I did that too."

"With what?"

"Energy. Condensed into a blade strong enough to cut bone, but not visible to the naked eye."

"So you have superpowers?"

"Yes. It's really just the ability to manipulate energy, though."

"As much as I hate cauterized wounds, it was the best route of action, I think. It would have been bleeding too heavily to bind effectively, as the trauma was dealt by a blunt object. Besides, it was probably more sterile than it usually is, because of the tool used."

"After we get to the hospital, may I leave her in your care?"

"Yes, but we'd like to get a record if we can. It wouldn't be released to the public, but it would be given to other hospitals as an example."

"I...can't do that. I'm sorry. Especially if you have to include a picture."

"Unfortunately, it's required-"

The ambulance stopped and the doors opened. We were at the hospital. I ran out the doors, grabbing my bag. I ran off, pushing my legs forward. I felt so tired, my vision was blurring. I was having trouble running, stumbling every few steps.

When I was sure I was safe, I stopped, laying on the pavement and panting. I heard footsteps to my left and got up, glaring at the person. It was a man, a beard extending down to the middle of his neck. I could practically smell the alcohol on his breath, even though he was across the street from me.

I tried to get up, but my legs buckled. My eyes were stinging from being tired, and I couldn't do anything to defend myself. I heard him yell in pain and fall down, and it seemed so surreal and sudden that I thought that I had finally passed out.

A woman walked across the street, holding out a hand. It was the woman from the ice cream parlor earlier.

"Oh, hey, it's you. I hope everything was ok after I ran out."

I could barely get words out of my mouth, I was so busy breathing. "Yeah. Everything's fine. Don't worry."

"Who were you running from?"

"Ah...stray dog. Tried to bite my ankle."

"Do you have somewhere safe close to here? I can help you get home if you don't."

"Nah, I share an apartment with some of my classmates not too far from here. I should be able to walk."

"I'll help get you back. You seem pretty worn out."

"Thank you. What's your name?"

"Stacey. Yours?"

"Becca. It's nice to meet you."

"Likewise."

We walked to Telec's apartment, where she lived with a cousin of hers. I knocked on the door, pulling out Telec's armband. I had taken it off to deal with her wound easier. I handed it to her cousin and she let me in. I thanked Stacey again and went to the couch and fell down, falling asleep almost immediately.

#superhero au #did you know: i cannot write character personalities #also her powers went from being able to manipulate sound and light to being able to manipulate energy in general. also very strong

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