the @imetyouonljpodcast episode this week gave me lots of thoughts and feelings about star wars. more like, reminded me of all my thoughts and feelings around my first fandom. thus, I decided to write my own journey into and throughout star wars fandom, and what it means to me. buckle up, this story spans decades.

my very first memory of anything star wars-related is a yoda puppet that my grandmother had. it had to be from the original run of the movies, because I was maybe 4 in my first memory of it, and i was born in '86. my sisters and I loved it, and one of our cousins was deathly scared of it so we'd chase him around the house with it.

my second memory of star wars was going to the movie store with my dad and sisters and seeing our favorite yoda on the cover of a VHS. "yoda yoda yoda! daddy, it's yoda!!! can we get it?" we were holding up the display cover for return of the jedi. dad said no, we couldn't get that one yet because we had to watch them in order. so we rented a new hope and all I remember was falling asleep while artoo and threepio were trundling across the tatooine desert sands. at five I guess I was too young.

in early 1997 the special editions of the original trilogy were aired in theaters and I was in 4th grade. dad took us to see one of them (I think empire, at some point we'd finally finished a new hope). at school that grading period I sat next to a boy named mark and he noticed I was drawing little x-wing silhouettes on my paper. "you like star wars too?" he asked. when I said yes, he declared that because of my name, he was going to call me skywalker. that's the name on the back of my high school letter jacket.

in fall of 1998 I started the 6th grade and I came home from school one day to a hardbound book my mom had checked out for me from the library. heir to the empire by timothy zahn. mom pointed out where it said on the cover it was a trilogy, and I could get the other books when I finished this one. she hadn't found the young jedi knights series for me. she'd checked out a GROWN-UP star wars book.

in spring of 1999 the phantom menace came out and my parents' friend took me to see it on opening day because neither of them were free and I HAD to go that day. later on that year she took me to a star wars exhibit at the museum of fine arts. that was also the first time I saw a monet and a renoir. the exhibit had costumes (real costumes!!!) from the original trilogy and the newest prequel. I bought a book about the myth of star wars in the museum gift shop.

I read every expanded universe book our local library had, which was a lot. I had a lot to catch up on, too, since heir to the empire had been published in 1992. you never saw me at school without a star wars book. I read while walking in the hallways, even. in 6th grade I read during lunch, since I was in varsity orchestra with 7th and 8th graders and was terribly shy. they'd tell me I should socialize at lunch, not read my books, but... I wanted to read. I had a lot to learn. I have a lot to know.

I was in 7th grade when I read vector prime, the first in the new series. my first class of the day was science, and the boy I had a crush on was in that class. we had DEAR time at the beginning of that class - drop everything and read. not a hardship for me. that day, I read the part of the book where chewbacca was killed. I looked up, astonished. heartbroken. I locked eyes with the boy I liked. he nodded at the book and I showed him the cover. he nodded sympathetically. "they killed chewie," I whispered. he said "I know."

I wrote original characters in star wars fan fiction when I was about 13. I had an internet friend named rachel who lived in brisbane. then there was dave and 'roswell' who gave me ideas for my story. I loved being able to talk about the wide world of star wars with other people. we used aol instant messenger and email. my username in those days had 'skywalker' in it. I am pretty sure we met in an aol chatroom. I didn't find much of use on the official star wars site and I have probably visited it fewer than 10 times since 1999.

I read those books all through middle and high school. they were my christmas presents and my birthday presents. I moved into our family beach house after college. it sounds really nice but I didn't have running water because it was the summer after Ike hit. I would go to the used book store on 23rd street and buy a stack of star wars books and read them while I waiting for calls to interview for a teaching position. weekends I'd go into town to stay at a friend's house and help her with wedding stuff. I'd shower there, too. that's where my new stash of star wars books started, with me catching up on the legacy of the force series I hadn't read in college and then finishing up through the fate of the jedi as those came out. I felt that I had grown up with these characters. I remembered when kyp was just an orphan han rescued, when jacen and jaina were five years old, when corran horn had no wife, no kids, and was just finding out who his family was. I had capital o opinions about what color lightsaber i would have and why (silver; bc corran), I knew the geography of the galaxy and where everyone was from and my favorite planet was dathomir because women ruled it. I knew all of these characters' histories and motivations and the difficult decisions they'd made and had to live with. I loved them.

i never ventured into the online fandom space for star wars, even after I'd found other online fandom spaces, because I didn't feel like there was anything anyone could add to it for me. I was satisfied with all I'd gotten. sure, favorite characters had been killed (after chewie, the one who stung most was Mara, luke's wife), but people die. and in such a long-running series spanning so many years and trillions of miles of space... you come to expect it.

people would ask me ALL THE TIME when the sequels were coming out and I said never. then, disney bought star wars. initially I was excited (tears of joy happy) to have sequels confirmed. my mind raced, imagining a trilogy centered on the events surrounding jacen's descent to the dark side. the original actors would be the right age for that. who could play jacen?

then, the announcement came that the canon was now 'legends' and they wouldn't be taking any of it into account when writing the sequels BUT that didn't mean we wouldn't see old canon favorites. they announced adam driver as the villain and I thought "jacen." I held onto the idea that this knowledge I had, these years of knowing these stories, would still be worth something. that I'd be able to add new information to my mental bookshelves and maps. that my universe would expand further.

the force awakens was a bitter disappointment. I was upset from the crawl, leia's title making it clear to me that she wasn't chief of state, she wasn't the mother to three children, han wasn't her husband, and all of her history I'd grown to love really was gone. what I saw was the older version of a woman I'd met when she was 18 and hadn't seen her since her early twenties. I didn't know her.

I didn't know the galaxy, either. starting with the new jedi order series, a map of the galaxy was included in the front of each book with the planets named so you knew where everything was happening. the new galaxy was bare. it was small and knowable. while the hosnian prime system was destroyed in the movie, I'd never known it, and all the planets I DID know were similarly blasted out of memory. where was dathomir and its fierce warrior witches? if their planets were gone so were their people.

as the movie trudged on, a retelling of a new hope, I kept thinking, "at least let his name be jacen." I hung my hopes on this sith character being han and leia's son and sharing that name of the boy I'd known and the man who'd grown up to turn to the dark side. at that first shout of 'BEN!' I was angry. Ben?? that was the name of LUKE'S son! that was MARA'S child! Ben??? with three letters jacen solo and ben skywalker were also dead to the galaxy.

I know, I know. I should get over it. I AM thankful for poe dameron. the x-wing books were always my favorite. poe was familiar to me the way other new characters weren't. he was part of the new republic navy. I knew what that was. he flew an x-wing. I knew what that was.l and what company manufactured them. he was from yavin IV, I knew where that was and what it looked like. finn was a stormtrooper, yes, but the empire had not stolen children to be raised as stormtroopers. they were recruited like any other position. his story wasn't real to me, it wasn't something I could easily accept. and the idea that the new republic just LET the first order rise? leia's new republic would NEVER. but leia wasn't chief of state in this universe. leia hadn't had that power.

I read a lot of articles about the force awakens and the reactions to it, and never saw myself in any of them. the star wars fanboys whom I'd never known were painted as being angry because their fan knowledge was useless and "boo-hoo poor widdle fanboys" they would be mocked, rightfully. but that's why I was angry, ultimately. everyone I knew and loved was dead. worse, they'd never existed. "what do you think will happen?" some unsuspecting coworker would ask. I'd shrug, but inside I was yelling "who the fuck knows! my favorite characters don't exist anymore. nothing I know as this person you know as SKYWALKER means anything anymore."

it only got worse from there. One day I spent four hours figuring out how far the casino planet was from the drifting ships in the last jedi and doing math to figure out how long it would REALLY take to get there, using old canon star wars physics. I couldn't suspend my disbelief during that movie. everything was wrong. (the other space physics quibble I had was from TFA when poe is using comms while in hyperspace, and dropping out on a command and not... when nav told him to?? you'd fly right through a star!! were they HOVERING in hyperspace? none of it made sense.) I knew too much and too little to enjoy it.

TROS was a narrative mess already retconning new canon and I decided that I would only keep what I liked about the new canon (poe and his family) and pretend the old canon is all there is. one day I'll write the story of poe being part of the storied rogue squadron being sent by leia's new republic to put down the fascist upstarts at the edge of the unknown regions. one day.

one more quick story -- i met my college friend’s three kids for the first time when the oldest was 6. i’d sent a toy lightsaber as a gift when he was born, because i believe every child should get their first lightsaber from a skywalker, and his father had shown him the movies when he turned 4. when i walked into the house i said hello and he said, “i have some questions about star wars.”

we sat on the couch with the tfa visual dictionary, a book he’d gotten out of the library. every question he had was an excellent question, and i couldn’t answer any of them. “why does his lightsaber look like that? and why does he have the extra blades?” 

“well, kiddo, let’s see what it says here about how lightsabers are made. i used to know all about it, but they changed everything on me.”

---

what i love about star wars since disney bought it:

poe dameron, cassian andor (and all of rogue one, i got over the fact that the movie wouldn’t be about rogue squadron it was PERFECT), solo (a fucking DELIGHT), the mandalorian, and i’m sure the cassian andor live action will be amazing and i’ll love it. 

427. Super Bowl 1991 Commercials (1/27/1991)

(I love that this carefree ad ran in the WE’RE AT WAR issue of my local paper, Daily Press, ten days before the Super Bowl):

I believe my mom would save the papers from the war, and send them to my dad who was out to sea at the time. That’s the only reason why we still have this copy that’s in my collection right now (I took this pic back in 2017 when I re-found it). 

So, anyway, just like 30 years ago, Super Bowl 2021 is being held during an uncertain time in the country, and just like in 1991, advertisers were hesitant. Diet Pepsi pulled a “call this number for your chance at a million dollars” ad days before the game, citing “world events”, and the fear of “Disrupting our nation’s ability to communicate” 1: 

New York Times on wartime Super Bowl coverage the following day: 

Even the commercials were affected by events in the Gulf. In most Super Bowl telecasts, the messages are slick and expensive. This year's batch was somewhat toned down because of the war, most notably the ads of Coke and Pepsi, which abandoned ambitious promotions and made sure the viewer knew it. (And didn't Pepsi have to love that halftime shot of a soldier drinking its product while watching the game in Saudi Arabia?) 2

(source) 

Before we get started, I have to mention Whitney Houston’s Star Spangled Banner from that year. Every Monday morning in elementary school, we had to stand for the Star Spangled Banner along with the Pledge of Allegiance. For weeks after the game, we always stood for the Whitney version. I always refer to this Super Bowl as the “Whitney Houston Super Bowl”.

Ok, now to the “subdued” (?) commercials, beginning here: 

Look, I know that Jay from the Purple Stuff Podcast said he loved this commercial in the Super Bowl Commercials episode, but I think this Bugle Boy commercial with the GoGos is so lame. I mean, I’m going to say it, were the GoGos still relevant in 1991? Was Bugle Boy clothes still a thing in 1991? 

Are picture-in picture TVs still a thing?!

Bud Bowl 3 with Bud Dry this year! I predict Bud Light will win this year.

At 4 minutes in, Advertising History happens. Yes, it’s the Ray Charles Diet Pepsi UH-HUH commercial! I was seven when this aired, so this was one of the first big commercial campaigns I really remembered. I have this strange memory of seeing a TV interview with the Uh-Huh girls (Meilani Paul, Darlene Dillinger and Gretchen Palmer) , and they said they were coming out with an album soon, and little me was like, “I’m going to buy that album”. It never came out. 

Ray made an appearance on Pepsi cans in 2018. I never got my hands on the Ray can, I always got Britney or MJ when I got a pack of Diet Pepsi that Summer. 

I’ve been meaning to watch the John Goodman critical flop King Ralph for months now. 

Is wielding around a giant bottle opener legal at the Bud Bowl?

Part 2 starts with an upset at the Bud Bowl -- Bud Light hid the football in his label? what? So many questions with the commercials this year. 

Peter Jennings updates us during the commercial break about the war. The Air Force was using smart bombs to disturb the oil flow into the Gulf, started by the Iraqis.  It was 3am and quiet in Saudi Arabia. 

Earlier, I mentioned that I was just a little kid when this was going on, and I don’t remember much. However, I do remember thinking “Iraq” was spelled “Arrack”, until I saw the word “Iraq” in a newspaper headline. 

Peter will be back at halftime for another update. Yup, you heard me, no halftime show was broadcast that year. If you were at the stadium in Tampa that year you saw the show with the New Kids on the Block and an “all kids Super Bowl”, but if you were watching it on TV, you got the news, and maybe after the premiere of Davis Rules after the game, you saw the show, pretaped, but most people didn’t see the show. There’s a great video by Secret Base about the “worst halftime show ever”. Peter Jennings was “the Beyonce of 1991″. It looks like from Secret Base’s video that we didn’t miss anything. i mean a small bowl-cut haired boy sang “Wind Beneath My Wings”, which I’ve mentioned before, is the saddest song ever: 

(that little kid has major hair roots)

 The original World Football League only lasted two years.   I found an early game on YouTube.

McDonalds thought that neon clad skiers could sell its steak sandwich with onions, mushrooms, and sauce that looks little McRib-y.

Here is a Harlem Globetrotter dancing with Miss Piggy. 

Karl Malone had some jazzy LAGears.  Did you know that there are some LAGears on the Payless Shoes website? 

I have more questions, what is that popping out of that Panasonic TV? A remote control? Way back in the beginning of this website, I asked another question about a Panasonic Commercial that aired this evening.

 Bud Bowl update at the end of part 2: 

Part 3

Oh, give me a break with this elementary school garbage, Hertz. This is the Super Bowl.

All the goodwill I gave the Ray Charles Diet Pepsi commercial is out the door after hearing Jerry Lewis sing murder the song. 

A 40 oz of Budweiser crushed and murdered some Bud Light bottles. Game’s tied.

Part 4

~the new Panasonic portable laptop word processor~ Nope, this wasn’t a computer, it just handled word processing. 

Eriq La Salle played an olympian in a Budweiser commercial. ~America~

Ok, Boomer. But seriously, l’m 37, and I still want Reebok Pumps. 

Diet Coke dumped their Leslie Nielsen commercial, and instead ran a commercial stating why they didn’t feel right airing it? I don’t think this commercial would hurt anybody’s feelings or offend anybody, Diet Coke. In 1994, The New York Times mentioned it as an ad fail: 

In 1991 the Persian Gulf War overshadowed the cola wars, forcing Coca-Cola and Pepsi-Cola to reassess plans to promote contests with humorous commercials.

Coca-Cola went ahead with its contest, but replaced its silly spots, starring Leslie Nielsen as a bumbling police detective, with serious spots, including one announcing a $1 million donation to the U.S.O. There have been few more surreal moments in advertising history than when a somber-voiced announcer in a no-frills Diet Coke commercial asked consumers to play the "Crack the Code for Real Refreshment" game.

Pepsi, by contrast, scrapped its contest but stuck with its funny commercials, featuring Ray Charles warbling "You got the right one baby, uh-huh!" for Diet Pepsi. The result: Diet Pepsi trounced Diet Coke -- and Coca-Cola has yet to return to the Super Bowl. 3

A sense of relief washed over me when I saw my bbys, Jon Lovitz and Dana Carvey in an American Express commercial.

Jon couldn’t shop at Needless Markup. 

Budweiser is cheating again. 

(part 5)

Bud Light won fair and square!

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1. “Pepsi Promotion Fizzles Out.” Broadcasting, January 28, 1991. 26. https://worldradiohistory.com/Archive-BC/BC-1991/BC-1991-01-28.pdf 

2. Lapointe, Joe. “SUPER BOWL XXV: TELEVISION; ABC’s Coverage Stays in Perspective.” The New York Times, January 28, 1991, sec. Sports. https://www.nytimes.com/1991/01/28/sports/super-bowl-xxv-television-abc-s-coverage-stays-in-perspective.html.

3. Elliott, Stuart. “Super Triumphs and Super Flops.” The New York Times, January 30, 1994, sec. Business. https://www.nytimes.com/1994/01/30/business/super-triumphs-and-super-flops.html.

🌙 In the moonlight | Chungha

Request: Hey!! I really liked that chungha scenario btw~~ can i request a chungha scenario where idol!reader is stressed bc of a new comeback (pretend this whole virus stuff is gone) and its chungha to the rescue...? kinda angsty but lots of fluff!! ❤❤

Plot: Reader is preparing for a big comeback, has been going through a completely stressful month and decides to disappear to try to calm down. A worried Chungha goes after Reader.

Words: 1,761

Genre: a bit angst, a bit fluff

Notes: i hope i managed to make you feel the emotions that I tried to transfer. hope you enjoy it!

"And 5, 6, 7 and 8 ..."

And one more time, you repeated the movements. It was getting harder and harder to catch the steps of that dance, your dance, and the first day of comeback was getting closer and closer. So close that it scared you.

Am I going to make it?, you asked yourself, immersed in your own thoughts and ended up losing steps.

You tried to recover by taking the next movements and people could tell by the expression on your face that you were unhappy with your own results. You were tired. In reality, you were exhausted. But you couldn't stop. At least not now when your career was going in a great path. And if the sales for this comeback were as good or better than the previous one, you were sure to go on a South Korea, Japan and China tour. That's what your manager said, all happy that your career was doing great. This most likely meant re-recording the songs in japanese and mandarin. You didn't know if you had enough energy for that. You were truly exhausted.

You missed another step and ended up falling to your knees. All the dancers behind you stopped, the choreographer ordered the music to stop and announced a ten minutes break for everyone. There were certainly a lot of worried looks on you, but she threw them out without you noticing it.

“Hey, what's going on with you? You are not usually that distracted.”, the choreographer asked.

“Stressful week. But it doesn’t matter. I have to be professional. I'll take a breath and I'll be right back.”, you didn't wait for her answer, took your cell phone on the floor in front of the mirror and left the room.

You were feeling a slight pain in your knees, but the flow of your thoughts was so fast that you didn't even care about this. You took the path to the emergency stairs so you wouldn’t meet anyone and sat down on one of the steps. You let out a long breath and let your shoulders drop, showing an exhaustion that only you knew existed. You started crying.

You unlocked your cell phone and realized that, by the time, she was recording her episode on a KBS show, you thought it was best to not disturb her. But there was a message from her to you. Even after two years together, your heart was still racing with these little things.

“I hope everything is fine out there. Manager said KBS is the last appointment of the day so I can get home early. I'll wait for you there, babe.”

Attached to the message, she sent you a selfie. That was enough to recharge your energy a little more, make you wipe your tears and get you back to the dance room with more gas and thinking that it would be over soon so you could rest in Chungha's arms.

A week passed and it seemed that every single day had come together in one. Every time you lay in bed it was like when you closed your eyes your alarm went off and you should get up again. You were doing everything as if you were on autopilot.

Every time you went out to practice, it was too early and Chungha was asleep. And when you arrived free from all the schedule planned that day by your manager, it was already very late and she was, again, asleep.

The only thing that gave you strength was always sleeping right by your side and you would not get her out of her sacred sleep. But you were missing her, there was an urge to talk to her about how you felt that maybe soon, like an elastic that pulls too hard, you could disrupt. And only with her you felt comfortable enough to be honest in her arms, to tell her your fears, your insecurities, all the bad feelings that plagued your heart and body at that moment. But you couldn't.

Of course you spoke by message, sometimes you even had time for a call of 10 minutes or less, but nothing was the same as before. This comeback came with so much weight and you didn't feel like you could have enough strength to hold it. But you should. For your fans. For being professional. For her.

Another week has passed and you could finally put into practice everything you were preparing. However, you did not feel ready. It didn't matter how long you spent dancing, how long you studied singing, nothing seemed good enough for you.

And then, with only four days left for your comeback, your manager said that it would be necessary to re-record a scene in your music video on your free day. The only free day you had until the real promotions had started.

"I literally just woke up.", you said, quietly sitting on the bed and trying not to wake Chungha.

"I can't do anything, Y/N. The director found an error in two scenes. One that you recorded in the morning and the other, during the night. I need you to be free at least during this period to give this as closed and go back to your normal activities."

Taking a deep breath, you just agreed that you would be in the studio in less than two hours and ended the call. When you thought you were going to cry, you felt two arms wrap around you from behind. You felt her head resting on the back of your neck and light breathing hitting your skin.

"I miss you," she said, pressing her lips to your skin.

"I miss you too," you replied, sliding your fingers down her arms.

"How are you feeling?", she tried to make you turn to her but you got up and started walking towards the bathroom.

"I will be fine."

On your way to the studio, you received several messages from Chungha, and they were all about how worried she was about you. You replied all of them, trying to reassure her, saying that as soon as you finished recording, you would come home, come back to her.

The day went by your fingers and when the last shot was taken as perfect by the director, you finally felt like you could breathe again.

"Y/N, I was able to schedule an appointment for tomorrow morning on Weekly Idol to show the new performance.", he started throwing the information at you all at once. "Of course, the show will only be aired during the week of the comeback but-"

"For God's sake, do you think I'm a robot?", you asked, letting all the exhaustion out of you. "I put up with this whole week and still came in this ridiculous studio to have no problem at all with you, and I’m here on my day off! I can't breathe, I don't have time for breath! I barely talk to my girlfriend personally and we are living in the same apartment! I agreed to be an idol but I'm still a human being!"

"Y/N..."

"Ah, you know what? I need to breathe. For the first time during this month, let me breathe."

And then, without leaving any space for him to speak again, you turned your back and started walking in a direction that at first did not exist, but it soon took shape.

When Chungha got the call from your manager, she soon took a taxi to the company's studio. When she got there, she made sure to say what was needed. She protected you with her sharp words and all your manager was able to do was nod, with his head down. Chungha could be an angel most of the time, but if anyone tries to do anything to the ones she loves, she will become the devil on Earth.

She tried to call you several times, but the call was not answered. Nobody saw where you went and Chungha knew it was a matter of finding you as she could. Then, her mind clicked and soon she recreated your steps as well as only she could do it.

As she went up the stairs and pushed the terrace’s door slowly, Chungha remembered the first meeting you both had right there. And so many others who came next, in the same place. The air was cleaner and the wind was strong. And the sky... breathtaking, just like you.

She found you, head up but shoulders down, you looked hopeless, without any motivation and that left Chungha with a tight heart. How could you be feeling this way? You were her foundation.

She approached you and realized that you were facing the moon.

"The next time you decide to disappear, you better answer the phone when I call."

You weren't scared. On the contrary, you smiled relieved at her presence. And even with the scolding. She was so beautiful in the moonlight. Before you could even answer, she pressed your lips together in a kiss that hadn't been given for a long time, a kiss that tasted like “missing you”.

"Those days were terrible and I didn't want to bother you.", you confessed breaking up the kiss, putting a few strands of her hair behind her ear.

"You are what matters to me. I need to know how you are, just so I can sleep well enough. If you are not okay, you can be sure that I will feel it and I will not be okay either. Do you understand?", she asked, stroking your cheek.

"Yes. I think I must go back..."

"You don't have to, everything is settled. Your comeback has been postponed for two weeks and you will have that time to relax. With me. Then, vacation. With me, again."

"What-"

"I can be quite convincing.", she smiled at you, arranging the collar of your coat so you wouldn't feel so cold.

You were relieved. You felt your body relax from thinking about the next few weeks and the next vacation. You pulled her body closer to yours and held her waist, joined your foreheads and finally felt at home.

"How did you find me?"

"This is a secret that I will never tell.", she gave you a peck. "But coming to the place where we kissed for the first time and asked me to be your girlfriend? I think it’s a little too obvious."

You laughed and, watched by the moon, your lips came together again. A kiss with the taste of love.

Don’t I Know You From Somewhere?

PD 101 / YH's Justin X Reader [ fem ] 

part two Fluff Word count: 2571 • you're an idol, Justin is your #1 fan • you meet him at a fansign and tbh he's adorbs so you're hella heart eyes for him ;) • soMehow you land the spot as a guest mentor for PD101 S2 even tho ur like young ( okay I'm sorry anon I had to, it isn't part of the original request but...a bit more of Justin fluff never hurts anyone....right? ) omfg, I love love love love love Justin ?? And my Yuehua boys ?? Yes ?? Bless them ?? Freaking adorable Euiwoong and Hyungseob and Jonghyun was a judge hoW CUTE gOD BLESS anyways, hope you like this anon, even if I modified it a little ok but am i the only one who goes soft for China line im so soft for Jung Jung. I love Jung Jung so much. might make a part two for this as well as • Crushing On You - Kang Daniel drop me feedback - admin L __________ Justin could barely contain his excitement as he clutched tightly onto his copy of your second mini album, shuffling in his spot in the queue. The entire venue was packed, fans buzzed with joy and the energy in the atmosphere was insane. Today was the day that Justin had waited for his entire life as a fan of yours. Today was the day of your fansign. When your fansign was announced, he screamed so loudly the whole Yuehua building trembled. Then, he proceeded to beg his manager to allow him to go. It was tough since he was set to participate in the survival show, Produce 101 a few weeks after but he sweet talked his way through. Once he got the 'okay' from his company, he managed to wrangle his best friend and fellow trainee, Zheng Ting to accompany him. Zheng Ting now stood behind Justin with pink cheeks, mildly embarrassed by his best friend's enthusiasm. I suppose it shows how dedicated of a fan he is.....He spent ages picking out his outfit today. I bet that's his $500 Star Wars shirt he was going to save for Produce 101. Justin even visited the salon to re-dye his hair for today. Oh my god. Zheng Ting was downplaying his own elation for his own sanity's benefit. Sure, he wanted to meet such a great inspiration to him but he wasn't a super die hard fan like Justin. Zheng Ting knew that Justin could practically chemically combust from all his zest, his grin was so wide it was sure to hurt. Oblivious to all the judgmental glares from Zheng Ting, Justin continued to keep his exhilaration levels high. His legs couldn't seem to stay still or root him to the floor properly. Even with his height, he still tip-toed to get a better look at you above the crowd. He sighed dreamily when he caught sight of your hair. Oh my god, Y/N looks so pretty today. She's the perfect idol. There's so much to learn from her. I wish she would look at me. Is this love? The expression on his face was so sheepish and dreamy, Zheng Ting nearly slapped him. "Yah, Justin! Wake up! The line is moving," he hissed. It was entertaining to see the maknae so incredibly spellbound by someone. 

The snaking queue moved listlessly and Justin's patience was running thin. To fuel his energy into something else so that he won't be all jittery, he combed through your photo cards that were included in your mini album, taking them out and reassembling them multiple times. People around him stared at him like he was a lunatic but really, he couldn't care less. Justin clamped a hand over his mouth to cover his yawn, he secretly regretted waking up at the crack of dawn, forcing Zheng Ting to drive them an hour out to the venue at five am and sitting in the queue since seven am. He was lucky he managed to sneak in breakfast and breath mints. Dedications of a fan. He huffed and shuffled along as the line gradually started to move. At least he was getting close to you. ... "Hello, Y/N. How was today's fansign? Everything okay?" Your manager asked, scribbling whatever feedback there was from other staff on her notepad. "Hmm, it went well. Thank you for arranging it. I was happy to be there. But right now, I want to sleep," you admitted with a small groan. Thankfully, your manager was an understanding and kind one, you two got along super well much to everyone's surprise. She laughed and nodded, telling the driver to speed up a little. "Go ahead and sleep. I'll wake you when we reach." Truthfully, you were exhausted but your mind was plagued with thoughts of that handsome blonde fanboy at the fansign. His happiness was infectious, it put a smile on your face when you admired how his curls bounced with that skip in his step. You managed to catch his name, Justin, and you remembered exactly what had happened. It was rare you remembered everything word for word but something compelled you to. He had politely waited until the previous fan had stepped off the stage then, practically dashed up the stairs two at a time. He had run a hand through his curls before blurting out an excited 'Hello!' and bowing, nearly bumping his head on the table. As if he was ashamed, he used his right hand to cover his mouth and the other to pass you his bag of gifts and album. You had asked for his name which he gladly revealed. "I'm Justin." He beamed, revealing perfect pearly whites. "Well, thank you for the letter and the gifts Justin," you had said, shooting him your best cover-worthy smile. Justin couldn't be that much older than you. "You're very handsome." His face had turned beet red and he managed to stammer out a reply before nearly tripping on his way down from the stage. He was the most put together mess of a boy you had ever seen and somehow, you were attracted. It was rare you had male fans your age, cute ones at that. But, he was just fan, a face in the crowd you would have to force yourself to forget. You let out an irritated sigh, wishing it didn't need to be limited by its circumstances. Oh why, why couldn't I have gotten Justin's number or something? All I have is a name and a face I would hate to let go. It was safe to say sleep didn't come easy that night despite how worn out you were by the day's activities. You tossed and turned in your blanket, unable to block that blonde boy from your mind. Maybe it did you a favour by lulling you into a deep sleep and as creepy as it sounds, a dream of him. ... Justin was partially gone from your mind a month later but this morning, you could barely keep your eyes open as stylists bustled about, brushing your hair and whatnot, so once again, you found yourself thinking about him. You wondered what he was up to. Perhaps he was leading a normal teenage life. Going to school. Hanging out at the mall with his friends. All the regular, domestic things. A part of you was envious if he indeed had that kind of lifestyle. Today is going to be sooooo tiring. I just hope nothing terrible happens. Today was the day you were guesting on the survival show, Produce 101 Season 2. A few of your friends had participated in season 1 but so far, you hadn't heard from anyone about the second season. It was only the first week anyway, only one episode had aired but you were too busy to even watch teasers of it. Your role was simple, throughout the next week, you were going to support and supposedly mentor a couple of lower ranked teams as they prepared for their stages. It was a good opportunity for exposure and to make new friends. From what you had seen - or lack of since your van had pulled up to the location at six in the morning - all the contestants seemed to be pleasant. The plan was that you were surprising them with a wakeup call and a special buffet breakfast. ( bc i must feed my boys that's why let me live ) You hoped the directors knew what they were doing. "Y/N? Y/N." Manager unnie's voice shook you from your nap, you blinked bleary-eyed at her. She patted your head and helped you to your feet. "Go wash your face or something. Filming will begin soon." You complied, glad that the long-lasting stage makeup was sealed with a waterproof spray. After refreshing, you swiftly changed into your shooting outfit and followed a bunch of crew members to the dining hall. There, another team was busily preparing the surprise breakfast, probably the most the boys were allowed to eat. ( let them eat properly pls ) You stifled laughs when your mini album blasted through the speakers as an alarm. It could become pretty hilarious to hear your own music in public. When the main director signalled your cue, you raised the microphone - which was connected to the speakers - to your lips and delivered the message in a sickeningly sugary voice. "Good morning to all the gorgeous Produce 101 Season 2 contestants. This is not a drill. Please assemble in the dining hall in half an hour. Failure to comply will result in elimination. I repeat this is not a drill. Please assemble in the dining hall in half an hour. Failure to comply will result in elimination." The last part was a lie. No one would be going home on your watch. ... Oh my god. Is that Y/N's voice? Is that her album? How sweet of her to appear in my dreams. "Justin! Justin! Wake up!" What? Why is she calling me? A pillow smacked his face. "Yah! Justin! Wake up!" Justin shot up, rubbing the sleepiness away from his eyes. He blinked at his roommates. "Why? What is it?" They didn't need to reply as the announcement sounded again. "Attention all Produce 101 Season 2 contestants, good morning! This is not a drill, please assemble in the dining hall in twenty minutes. Failure to comply will result in elimination." His jaw dropped, almost hitting the bottom bunk. "Is-is-is that Y-Y/N sunbaenim?" He stuttered out his question. "Yes! So that is why we need to hurry!" That was all it took. He washed up in a matter of twenty seconds and changed into his best outfit in five. Justin grabbed his training things out of his suitcase and bolted to the dining hall as fast as his legs would carry him, his roommates trailing behind. He needed to see with his own two eyes that it was really you. It was so crowded he was already pushed back to the end of the crowd. Somehow, Euiwoong and Seunghyuk found him, they called for Hyungseob and Zheng Ting to come over. "Is it her? Is it really Y/N?" He asked, lips trembling. Zheng Ting nodded, star-struck. Euiwoong had to hold Justin up to prevent his legs from giving way. He almost started sobbing. Does she remember me? I hope she does. He thought hopefully before sighing in realisation. No, there's no way she would have remembered someone as insignificant as me. Once everyone had arrived, you introduced yourself and explained your arrival. There were yells of jubilation and cheers. Some of the boy's jaws hung open and they had a hand over their mouths. It made you smile and amp up. Justin listened in awe to your motivational speech, he was in a daze the whole time as his friends led him to their usual table. Then, he noticed you were walking around and greeting some of the other boys. He scrambled to grab Euiwoong's arm across the table, almost making his hyung topple his tray of food. "Yah! Justin, are you okay?" Euiwoong was puzzled by his sudden behaviour. Justin frantically shot questions at him. "Is my hair okay?" "Do I smell good?" "How does my sweater look? Cute enough?" Euiwoong rolled his eyes and spooned some rice into Justin's mouth to make him shut up. "You look fine. I bet everyone else is worried about their appearance too. Full offence, these uniforms look awful," he said in a hushed tone. Justin fussed with his hair even more. Meanwhile, you too grabbed a tray and marched around the dining hall with your manager by your side, scanning for a place to sit. Suddenly, you spotted a familiar tuft of blonde hair. Justin? Oh my god, Y/N! Stop being delusional. Stop relating everything back to that......... fan. But your pace quickened as you approached his table, partially because he reminded you a lot of your long time crush who you would most likely never see again. As you neared, his face became more clear and you gasped. Even though the first and supposedly last time you saw him was a month ago, you still could recall what his face looked like. There was no mistaking that this trainee was Justin. Is the boy sitting next to him Zheng Ting? I met him too. It was cute to see Justin brushing his hair repeatedly with his hands. He whined when it still stuck out in different directions, the other participants sitting next to him only made fun of him. Should I address them formally? Are we friends? What if he is older than me? How do I call him? Oh my god, I don't want to be rude. These thoughts filled your head as you drew closer, palms growing all the more clammy. 'Oppa' isn't rude right? ( lmao guys this is such a koreaboo thing for me to add in my works but tbh i just didn't want to sound rude ??? and more realistic, not so Americanised but pls tell me what I should do. I don't want to offend anyone out here ) Should I call him that? I bet Zheng Ting is older though? What if I offend them? Do you want to sit with them or not? Another voice piped up. Yes, but- Just go! It gave you a push which pulled yourself together. Like the confident idol you are, you strutted up to the Yuehua boy's table, showing off your perfectly sculpted legs in the process, and tapped Justin on the shoulder. He spun round to face you and when he realised it was you, his jaw hung open and large eyes grew bigger. "Hi, Justin oppa, do you remember me?" You asked, beaming brightly. Justin was so shocked he couldn't form a coherent sentence. "The world would end if Justin forgot who Y/N is. He is your number one fan. Believe me, his wall in our dorm back at the company is filled with your posters. If-" Seunghyuk was abruptly cut off with a desperate yell from Justin. Zheng Ting shoved another spoonful of rice into his maknae's mouth. "You haven't eaten a thing on your tray." "Hello, Jung Jung oppa, I believe we met too." You bowed out of respect and Justin nearly fell on his knees. "Ahh, it's okay! Sunbaenim!" Gesturing to your tray, you asked if you could sit with them for breakfast. Seunghyuk moved over to sit next to Hyungseob which created a space next to Justin. The boy went red when you slid into the seat next to him, accidentally bumping his arm. "Sorry! I'm sorry!" You exclaimed but he assured you he was fine. Regardless, you grabbed his arm and ran your hand over it. "Are you sure? You can't get hurt!" He couldn't even utter words. Should I? Whatever, I should. You took his arm and slung it over your shoulders before turning back to him, a sultry ( keep it PG you're both kids ) smile on your lips. "Don't I know you from somewhere?" Justin cleared his throat and suddenly adopted a blank expression. "My girlfriend is here today." No...... He held up his - well Euiwoong's pocket mirror - to your face. You burst into a fit of giggles. "Nice one, Justin. I knew I could recognise you." Sigh, let's see what happens during this short time of filming. ( this is so bittersweet i’m sorry )