#I know my friends are pretty harshly against the person same with psych but idk? maybe the internet tainted me | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ko-eko-ev-go-ms · 2 years

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Hate when you realize something was more serious and happened and more specifically that you finally realize it’s something you’re gonna have to process for a while rather than just rapidly move on from, especially when it’s like way after the fact and just blegh

#thoughts #oni talks #oni vents #finally told my friends about what happened with this one person #and I don’t think I processed until now that this is going to be something I need to process probably for a while #which I guess makes sense since it literally just happened or at least was extremely recently but idk when it happened initially I felt like #I had already been through similar before so I thought I processed everything but there’s a specific section that I guess technically #I haven’t been through before? or if I have it was a MUCH smaller time frame And/or I buried in my brain very far down #but idk I told friends about it and they had like a big reaction? and I’m like. oh… was this worse than I thought? it’s also just not like #it’s not mathing in my brain properly. on the bright side finally forced myself to schedule a new therapist appt after the last one ghosted #mainly bc this has been kinda bugging me. I think coz it doesn’t make logical sense my brain can’t quite process it properly? can’t tell if #I’m being mean. I’m pretty sure I’m not? all my friends have a specific stance and even my psych was concerned when I told them in passing.#idk I think I can’t compute that the person was possibly doing harm to me on purpose? my brain is wired to give benefit of the doubt #I think it’s also because in my brain nothing TOO bad happened/experienced worse so it’s like why am I stuck on this?#I know my friends are pretty harshly against the person same with psych but idk? maybe the internet tainted me #coz I experienced too many creepy online people that my standards are skewed? maybe it’s coz they sorta booted themselves out of my life?#idk. maybe it’s also coz they reminded me of other people I know and that makes those other people #and I don’t really know how to compute the connections between people including family? like I even mentioned it to my friends offhand kinda #and they then reacted strongly to that as well and I didn’t really know what to do? bc yeah when you say it like that it does sorta make #certain family creepy. but idk. it’s… I don’t know. I think it’s also coz I mentioned other ppl with bad experiences and my friends reacted #with stuff I also don’t know how to process. it’s hard to process that certain people could have been deliberately trying to harm me?#I don’t really know how to process them. any of them but mainly this person. bc I wanna be fair and not villainize them or be 2 paranoid #I’ve seen how that presents. but at the same time what if they were a villain? or more of one I guess. but then what about the connections?#I’m not good at social stuff and I think that’s also not helping. idk. ppl I consider very neutral had strong reactions in line with the ppl #that I expected reactions from. and that makes me wonder more? but it also makes me worry that I’ve accidentally been unfair and portrayed #them as more of a villain than they are? which is a feeling I’ve had before. I’m very stuck on this experience/person #& it’s hard to even process what damage was done if any and also annoying bc I just wanted it to be straightforward and move on just wanted #to logic my way through it and then move forward but I both can’t logic it and also logically know I have to *feel my feelings* or whatever #keep going back and forth with myself and can’t get answers. I don’t really want to be stuck on it but it keeps coming up and I know #that it won’t stop until I’ve processed it enough to sort things. which is frustrating coz I wanted to use my time for other things but

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