#I know many people are empowered by being combative and loud and by not taking steps down about their identity and it's great for them! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

vikingsagine · 4 years

Text

My Religion (Ubbe x Reader)

I like Ubbe, I think he’s hot. An underrated character, he is the least corrupted one of Ragnar’s children. Like come on! He just wanted to live happily with his brother’s as a family but then, sh*t happened like always. I can’t with this guy! He’s too hot for me!

Part One > Don’t need to read, it’s just to see how things started. I write these so you don’t need to start from the beginning because I personally kind of hate that, but just gives enough background <

Summary: You took up lessons with the Viking man and discovered new found desires, sins.

Warnings: Sexism, Ubbe being a sexy.

@ivarthebloodyking @soleil-dor @affection-rabbit

You have learnt, to say the least.

Over the course of the past week, you grew to learn the world of a Viking. Not completely, but had a hint of its differences. Your first lesson with Ubbe felt like a brush with death. He stood you in front of a tree and threw axes, telling you to stand still and to not be afraid. Of course, you didn’t take it well and actually screamed and tried to run away. But eventually with more explanation from Ubbe, you sort-of willingly complied.

The next lesson was more brutal. Ubbe handed you a weapon and said, ‘Defend yourself,’ then attacked. No remorse and no mercy. The man easily beat you over and over and over again, leaving you a bruised mess by the end of the day. You cried many times but did not quit.

Days followed after the other and things grew easier, more tolerable. He taught you to wield other things, a shield, a sword, a spear and an axe. But none caught your interest. They didn’t make you feel empowered or wanting to voluntarily hold it.

However, there were many other lessons you experienced during this time. Not just violence, tears, pain and a respectable resent. It was an attraction.

It all started when you were trying to sharpen your weapon without really knowing what you were doing. Ubbe grew annoyed and caught your hands in his own, angrily pressed himself to your back and took control of your actions. Of course, you don’t remember what he had said and was instead a blushing mess. Stiff and tense, his breath fanned over your cheek. While his calloused hands grasped your delicate fingers with no grace or tender care. Though small and simple, your heart pounded.

***

You were trying to explain to Ubbe about Adam and Eve, the serpent and biting into the forbidden fruit. “How could they not have known they were walking around naked?” Ubbe interrupted, staring at you with furrowed eyebrows and a disbelief look. You huffed.

“Because they didn’t know shame, they had no knowledge of good or evil.” Ubbe frowned, unsatisfied with your answer.

“Even a complete idiot would know when someone’s dick is hanging out.” You let out a shaky breath, combing your hands through your thick locks. “I mean, if Adam and Eve didn’t bite into the fruit, you and I would be naked right now?” You felt your cheeks warm, his blunt behavior catching you off guard.

“Well, technically yes.” The corner of his lip twitched, timidly sliding his eyes down your body in a suggestive way. You consciously crossed your arms and tried to ignore his heated gaze. You felt your stomach flutter, your thighs clenching together as your body reacted in a way it shouldn’t. You turned scarlet red, deciding to tear yourself away from his hooded blue orbs.

Shame. Your attraction taking over your body evoked a pining desire, one that would be deemed punishable under the eyes of your Father. That is when you saw how serious your issue of attraction is. Perhaps it would have been fine if you were betrothed to him and he was a christian man, following under the light of God. Or your Father accepted him. But under all three, he was not. Ubbe is a pagan, believed in more than one God and was nothing but an animal.

***

Now here you were, positioned by your Father and Mother, intrigued in the flicker of bodies. In all the great banquets you have attended with your parents, this was the first that was so lively. Men and women alike joined in, dancing to the rough drums and horns of the vikings. People drank and laughed. Others sat and ate, observing their joyous behavior. And there were those who sat and judged, clear sight of discontent and resent towards such acts. One of which was your Father, mumbling about ‘pagans’ and their unholy grace.

From across the room, you found the sight of your viking mentor. His sandy blonde hair tangled in messy braids, a cup of alcohol pressed against his lips as he spoke to the blonde woman next to him. The strong shield-maiden from the town. You frowned, jealousy creeping up on you. They looked comfortable with one another, they were lovers after all. You huffed and turned your attention elsewhere in hopes of killing the hurt inside.

“What do you say, daughter?” Afton broke your chain of thoughts. There stood one of the older men, a smirk tugging at his lips as he held his hand out to you. “Do you accept?” Clamping your mouth shot, you stared at the man before you. He was dressed in fine clothes, cheeks rosy from alcohol and blonde hair shining. You gave him a small smile, standing up to accept his offer to dance. He led you to the floor and pulled your flush form against his body.

“I am surprised you are not married, you are beautiful.” The lord whispered into your ear, his hand dipping down the small of your back and to your waist. His breath smelt of meat and mead, two flavors that did not go well together.

“My Father doesn’t accept anyone so easily.”

“That is understandable.” This made you furrow your eyebrows and glance up at the thin man, staring up at his large nose and dim blue orbs.

“How so?” His fingers began to slither lower down your side and you squirmed slightly.

“For the future of his legacy, he can’t trade you for any man.” You tighten your grip around him and clench your jaw. A swarming wave of bubbling anger rose, one that would not subside so easily. “It is better to give your daughter away to a man who is wealthy and strong and capable like me.” You bit back your need to roll your eyes as he grinned suggestively. “Because you don’t have any brother’s, the only thing a man can do in his position is pray to God for a grandson.” Your blood ran cold.

“Thank you for this dance my lord.” Stepping away from the belittling being, you bit back your tongue and gave him a sickly sweet smile. Even though there were many other things you wanted to do to him. Now isn’t the time nor place. “I am sure my Father would have enjoyed it.”

“You are not excused.” His soft and clammy hands gripped your forearm, tugged you towards him and glared at you. Daring you to cause a scene and scream. “Just because you are beautiful and your Father is the priest, he will not take so easily to your misbehavior.” His large hand cupped your bottom, grinding himself into your lower region. “Now play nice like a woman should.” This crossed your line and in one swift movement, you pushed your palm against his lips and dug your knee into his groin.

“You should be thankful that I chose to dance with you.” You seethed between your teeth and watched as he curled over in agony, hand clutching his genitals. Because of the loud music and the swirling crowd of people, no one saw the spectacle which is fortunate for you. You took a fistful of your dress and gracefully stomped away, sure to not cause any curious glances.

“You-” The lord leapt out to grab your form but was instead pushed back by the body of another. Ubbe. His eyebrows twitched and then his lips flickered a smirk. You watched in awe as he glared down at the poor excuse of a man, bright blue eyes challenging him to make another move. Instead he stood straight and glanced between you and Ubbe, skeptical but frightened. “Get out of my way pagan, I could have you killed for this.” The lord attempted to barge forward but instead was pushed back by the firm stance of the viking, his body never wavering.

“Leave.” One word, his tone threatening and dangerous. It went straight to your core, making it clench and stir. There were few of those who noticed the skepticism, some of the bystanders who stared with zipped lips and the group of vikings Ubbe was once with. When you drew your attention back, Ubbe was looking at you with an easy smirk. “I saw your little move there, are you sure you are a Christian?” You followed his figure out of the mass of people, standing a few metres away.

“Thank you Ubbe.” You glanced over to your Father to check if he saw, he did not. Too occupied with one of the other men, discussing something that seemed serious.

“I’ll have you know that King Alfred wants to have me baptized.” This piqued your interest. You studied his appearance, dressed in his thick layers of clothes and leather. Beard soft and your fingers itched to feel it, to tug it.

“That means you must renounce your beliefs.” He perched himself onto a beam, leaning against the wall and both of you were out of sight. He took a sip of mead, eyes flickering to your face and the others.

“I know.”

“What will you do?”

“I haven’t decided.” Ubbe drew in a large breath and sat up, patting the space next to him. You obliged, resting against the wall just as he did. He leaned over and held out his cup. “Drink.”

“No, I can’t drink alcohol.” You pushed it away. He frowned, blue eyes absorbing your appearance. You are all too aware of proximity, you felt his leg brush up against yours. “My Father does not allow it.” Being persistent, Ubbe forced the cup of liquor into your hand and concluded.

“My Mother told me when I was younger not to sleep with the slaves, I didn’t listen.” You gaped at him in disbelief but also in embarrassment. Ubbe waited for you to drink the cup of foul liquor, edging you on with his piercing blue orbs. Reluctantly obeying, you took a sip and scrunched your face up in disgust.

“Ew.” Ubbe laughed, pulling it from your hands and sculled it down like it was water. You knew better than to be here in the open with Ubbe, if people saw or more specifically your Father, he would have Ubbe killed and would probably deem your behavior sinful and the sway of the devil. “Is she your wife?” Ubbe surprised from your question, he followed your gaze to the woman you spoke of, Torvi. A lot of people assumed they were lovers where in fact, they were really close friends almost like brother and sister.

“Why? Are you jealous?” Ubbe intended it as a joke to make you grumpy and glare. He found it cute, your small self scowling in an attempt to threaten his larger and powerful being. He expected to be corrected but instead your cheeks turned a bright pink and you looked away. Oh, the viking smirked and inched closer.

“No, I’m not jealous. Envy is a sin.”

“Ah, I see.” Testing the waters, Ubbe pushed his leg more firmly against yours, waiting to see if you would remain still or move away. You stayed. “No, she is not my wife but we are close.” You didn’t know whether to feel gladden or disappointed.

“Oh, so you are...lovers?” With a forced monotone voice you locked eyes with the viking. A mistake on your side because you were instantly bewitched by the thirst behind his sky-like specs. Your lips parted and your thighs clenched.

“Do you think we are lovers?” He leaned in, daring you to cower and sink further into your shell, but something kept you still. Whether it be your burning core or the fluttering in your stomach, you didn’t want to move.

“Yes.”

“Does it bother you?” Swallowing hard, you glanced down to his lips, chapped and pink. You wanted to taste them, feel them, fight with them. Ubbe traced his finger down the side of your face, drawing out a subtle shudder. It was small but he noticed.

“N-no.” He made a clicking noise and jerked back, leaving you in the absence of his remaining touch. As silly as it sounds, electricity coursed through you just from his touch. It left a hot burn on your cheek. “It doesn’t bother me.”

“Shame, I was thinking of kissing you.”

“W-what?” You were flabbergasted, staring at Ubbe with big wide doe eyes. There were many things that took you by surprise. When you found your Father sleeping with another woman, a slave girl, or when you found out where babies came from. They left you stunned but not like this.

“Torvi is a good friend.” Ubbe stood up and hovered before your conflicted being. “But we wouldn’t want to taint your christian lips, hmm.” And just like that, he was gone. Disappeared into the sea of people and left you a confused, wanting and guilty wreck.

This man made you feel emotions. Slithered like the devil’s snake, lulling you to take a bite of a forbidden fruit. And if you did not pull yourself together any sooner, you feared you would lose and succumb to temptation.

#ubbe #ubbe lothbrok #vikings #ubbe fanfiction #ubbe imagine #ubbe x reader #vikings x reader #x reader

159 notes · View notes

digging-holes-in-the-river · 7 years

Text

I had some more thoughts on Toby from The Year of the Flood. (Spoilers ahead, but only about her character, not about the plot.)

While reading The Year of the Flood, I realized that Toby was one of the few female role models I’d encountered in fiction.

This isn’t something that bothers me; I can relate just as well to male role models as to female ones, so the lack of female role models never seemed like a big deal. But it’s interesting to analyze what makes Toby someone I look up to, and why I don’t normally see women like that in fiction.

(This post is absolutely not intended as a contribution to the discourse. It’s a comment on me, and the sort of characters that appeal to me. It’s not a criticism of our culture’s literary canon, or a moral statement about what we need more of in fiction. It’s just a personal post about my personal preferences.)

Anyway, the most obvious explanation is that I just don’t read that many books with female protagonists. (”Protagonist” is important because it’s easiest for me see viewpoint characters as role models.)

But even when I do read books with female protagonists, I don’t usually think of them as role models. I admire strong female characters, but it has to be a particular sort of strength; most “strong female characters” aren’t people I look up to.

I mean, most male characters aren’t people I look up to either. I’ve read... five or six works of fiction this year? And Toby is the only character I’ve encountered whom I think of as a role model.

There’s a very decent chance that, if I read just as many books with female protagonists as male ones, then I’d have equally many male and female role models in fiction. Which perhaps says something about my reading habits, or the amount of representation in the genres I enjoy, but that’s not the point of this post.

What I want to write about is... there’s a few “strong female character” tropes that I encounter a lot (either in actual fiction, or in stereotypes about strong female characters), and I want to explain why those tropes don’t appeal to me, but Toby does.

“Strong female character” tropes that I have encountered:

(1) The woman who is told she can’t do X because she’s female, so she puts on men’s clothing and does X anyway, and proves all of them wrong.

I enjoyed the Alanna books as a kid, and they were a very clear example of this thing. For those who haven’t read them, Alanna is a girl who wants to be a knight, but girls aren’t allowed to become knights, so she sneaks into the knight academy and masquerades as a man for many years, eventually achieving knighthood.

I also see a lot of real-world versions of this story, in social media posts about women in STEM. There, the story is usually “she entered this scientific field, despite the stigma against women doing that, and then she persevered and made great scientific discoveries, even in the face of considerable sexism”. The women in these stories don’t literally put on men’s clothing, but their entire story is about succeeding in a man’s world.

Anyway, despite being a woman in a male-dominated field, I’ve pretty much never encountered sexism. I don’t think of myself as a “woman in STEM” so much as just a “person in STEM”. And so I don’t really relate to the struggle of “a woman trying to make it in a man’s world”. Those stories can be interesting to read, but they’re not the sort of role model that applies to my life and circumstances.

(Also, for the record, if I was one of those early-1900s women scientists who appeared in social media posts, I would be so pissed if everyone telling my story just focused on the gender stuff. I’d be like “why can’t you tell a story of the scientific obstacles I overcame, and the long hours spent in the lab despite everyone telling me that my theory was crazy and would never work?” That’s the story that male scientists and inventors get, and it pisses me off that women scientists only ever get stories about being a woman and overcoming sexism. Like, sure, that’s a part of the story. But it’s not the whole story.)

(2) The strong female character whose “strength” is basically aggression, who revels in kicking ass and making snarky comments.

I can’t think of any specific examples, so maybe I’m only imagining this trope? But I feel like I’ve seen it in Hollywood movies, ones with a lot of action scenes where the strong female protagonist fights the bad guys and kicks all their butts.

This kind of woman (if I’m not just imagining this trope) is always heterosexual, and has some debonair love interest with whom she has a very combative relationship. They fight a lot (possibly violently) but they both seem to enjoy the fighting, and sometimes the fighting leads to sex.

Anyway, this trope definitely isn’t me, and it’s not something I look up to either. I don’t wan to be more aggressive, or more combative, or more snarky. In general, I don’t enjoy being around snark and aggression. I want to be calm; if I need to enact violence, I want to do it because “this is what needs to be done”, not because I actively revel in acts of aggression and revenge. And my ideal romantic relationship has basically zero fighting.

(Anyway, just because this stereotype isn’t my role model, doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with it. It’s just not who I, personally, want to be. The only reason it would annoy me is if it were put forth as the only available model of female strength.)

(3) The strong female character whose strength is defined through leadership: she’s strong because she’s the boss, the manager, the CEO. She tells other people what to do; she makes important decisions; she interrupts men during meetings.

She’s the loud, assertive female lawyer who won’t let herself be intimidated by the male lawyer from the other side, who wins her case decisively even though the other lawyer is lobbing personal attacks in her direction, or playing dirty behind the scenes.

She’s the female policewoman (e.g. Clarice Starling) who catches the criminal and earns the respect of her peers.

Basically, she’s a woman whose “strength” is defined as career success, often in a traditionally male role. (I guess this is similar to point (1), but in my mind they’re different, because in (1) her strength is “succeeding in a man’s world” and in this one, her strength is “succeeding in a high-status, challenging career”.)

Anyway, there’s plenty to admire about this stereotype (bravery, not taking shit from anyone, taking on a challenge and then succeeding at it), but it’s not something that I personally aspire to. I don’t really care about career success (especially not in a “becoming the boss” kind of way). And... in a lot of ways, I’m more of a collectivist than an individualist, and... I don’t really look up to characters whose main strength is “pursuing personal success”. If they’re fighting for something greater than themselves, then sure. If they’re seeking a high position in the company because they honestly care about the company’s goals and want to improve its functioning, then sure. But if they’re just doing it for the sake of their own status, then... that’s not something I personally look up to.

I mean, Toby does eventually accepts a position of leadership, but it’s not because she aspires to a high position in her community. She doesn’t want a position of leadership, but she takes it out of loyalty to her mentor and duty to her community. The ideal she’s embodying there is “responsibility to others” not “a go-get-it attitude” or pursuit of success for herself.

(I don’t think Clarice Starling is just doing it for her own status, btw. I assume she actually does want to make a positive difference in the world. I admire her as a person, even if she’s not someone I think of a role model.)

(4) I don’t know if this counts as a “strong female character”, but there’s definitely the trope of the “empowered woman” who ignores society’s advice and pursues her own happiness instead. The woman who’s trapped in an unhappy marriage to a man she no longer loves, and who divorces him and travels the world in order to find herself and discover what makes her happy (even if she has three kids at home). In this story, she’s heroic for not letting herself stay trapped, and for not listening to society’s fuddy-duddy, prudish moral dictates about marriage; she’s heroic for recognizing that her happiness is important, and then pursuing it.

Again, I’m a collectivist, and I admire sacrifice for the greater good, not pursuit of self-interest. So this isn’t a trope that appeals to me.

(5) The woman who goes her own way, even though society is telling her not to, based on a firm inner sense of conviction that that’s the right thing for her to do.

I don’t know if this is a trope, but I’m including it because I want to emphasize that this isn’t what bothered me about point (4). I’m not looking for strong female characters who do everything that society tells them to do. If a character sees a better way to do something, or has some firm inner calling that carries her away from an ordinary life, then that’s actually something I admire. I admire people who have firm inner convictions and a strong sense of purpose / destiny.

My problem with (4) isn’t that the character is following her own way. It’s that her own way is selfish, it’s shirking responsibility, it’s prioritizing her own needs far beyond that of other people.

(6) The strong woman who doesn’t need no man.

This kind of character is defined by her independence, her lack of need for a romantic relationship, her preference to be on her own. Maybe she spends her whole life childless, or maybe she goes to the sperm donation clinic and becomes a single mother, but either way, she proves that she doesn’t need a man’s help to succeed in her life goals.

(I can’t think of any characters who fit this description, but I definitely know some real-life examples.)

Anyway, this isn’t something I personally look up to. I mean, I do want to be independent. I’m not in a relationship, I might never end up getting married, and I want to be able to function on my own. And even if I were in a relationship, I’d want to be able to take care of myself and not be an emotional burden on my significant other. But ultimately, I do want to get married, assuming I find the right person. And all of my independence comes from “don’t want to be a burden on people I care about / society”, not from “men suck, I don’t need them, and I don’t want anything to do with them”.

(7) The woman who wants absolutely nothing to do with childcare or having children. She’s strong because she’s not letting society tell her what to do. Society keeps asking “so, when are you planning to have kids?” and she keeps saying “fuck off, never”.

This is fine; I have no objection to this character; it just isn’t something I personally aspire to. I probably do want kids, and society (and friends and family) aren’t breathing down my neck saying “when are you going to have babies?”, so this trope just... isn’t something that’s relevant to me. (Though I can totally understand it appealing to deliberately childless women who are tired of putting up with well-meaning relatives’ invasive questions.)

Anyway, there is one specific “strong female character” trope that really does appeal to me, at a really deep level, and Toby is an absolutely perfect instance of that thing. That trope is:

(8) The woman who calmly, stoically endures everything that happens to her, and who works hard and accepts her situation, even if it’s not ultimately what she would have hoped for. The woman who embraces responsibility, and who focuses on her duties instead of on self-interest.

Throughout the book, Toby puts her own needs and emotions aside in order to help other people, and to do what needs to be done, and I find that deeply admirable. She doesn’t sit around pining over what she can’t have; instead she says “that emotion is not useful to me right now” and ignores it in favor of doing her duty. She has an unrequited crush, but it’s not tenable to act on, so she keeps it to herself and doesn’t let it interfere with her role in the community. Etc.

Like, you never hear Toby going through “what if”s, wishing life had turned out a different way. You never hear her lamenting her situation or complaining that life isn’t fair. If you asked her, she’s probably say “of course life isn’t fair, what did you expect?”

She’s stoic and practical and competent and resourceful; she’s good at doing what needs to be done. She’s the kind of person you’d want around in a crisis, because she stays extremely calm and knows how to help.

She’s stern and no-nonsense and doesn’t put up with any crap (either from the kids she’s teaching, or from herself).

I’m not very much like Toby, but... she represents something that I want to be.

(Another character like this is Katie Nolan, from A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, whom I’ve written about before.)

Relatedly, I remember that, in a college English class, we watched Disney’s Snow White and then read a feminist critique of it, saying that actually, the witch was the real heroine (and a much better feminist icon) because she went after what she wanted, instead of demurely accepting things like Snow White did.

And I remember writing a grumpy essay, saying how I thought Snow White was a much stronger character than the witch, because she took a bad situation and made the best of it. She didn’t sit around pining for all the things she couldn’t have; she was practical and hard-working and focused on her duties.

(That year in college, I had a lot of fun watching old Disney movies, and seeing how clearly they fit into the decade in which they were made. Snow White was made during the depression, and contained a lot of depression ideals of making do with what you have. IIRC, the witch was the bad guy precisely because she was unwilling to do that.)

Anyway, maybe it’s not a good idea to be like Toby. Maybe she holds too much in, and needs to relax sometimes and let some of her emotions out. Maybe it’s not so bad to rely on other people, or to show weakness every once in a while.

(And trust me, I’m not nearly as strong as Toby. I show weakness all the time; I very frequently come to other people for help.)

But... multiple times lately, I’ve endured some difficult situation by thinking “what would Toby do?” Like, this sounds dumb, but a couple days ago it helped me get up the nerve to set a rat trap (I hate rat traps, I’m always terrified they’re going to snap my fingers off) because Toby would just take a deep breath and do it. (Well, Toby wouldn’t kill a rat. But she wouldn’t be afraid of the trap snapping off her fingers.) It helped me deal with a big spider behind my bed, and then sleep in the bed anyway, because Toby wouldn’t have been scared of that. It helped me maintain the resolve to work on my personal finances yesterday, even though I was really tired and just wanted to go to bed, because they needed to get done, and Toby wouldn’t have let tiredness get in the way of doing her chores.

So anyway, that’s the sort of strong female character I admire. (And it has nothing to do with being female; I also admire men who are like this. One of my work friends is like this and I admire the crap out of him.)

I think I had more to say on this topic (or maybe some more strong female character tropes to list), but luckily for all of you, I can’t remember what it was.

#comments on books #maddaddam trilogy #the year of the flood #margaret atwood #WALL OF TEXT

4 notes · View notes