I need to get someone who comes and wakes me up from my naps before they get too long bc what the h

chloe can I have some advice? last night i went to a party and i had my first kiss (like w tongue and stuff. honestly it was pretty shit) w this guy. except i was v v drunk and he kinda kept following me and at one point i broke it off and said i was gonna pass out (i was) and he sat me down and then did it again and like. im wondering now if there weren't any ppl there and we were alone whether or not he would've tried to go further and i don't know if I'm exaggerating/making a big deal of it

oh my godddd literally what the fuuuuck :/ i’m so so sorry you had to experience that. i can tell you with more certainty than i’ve ever had in my life that you are NOT overreacting, and you’re not making a big deal out of it. it is a big deal, okay. this dude took advantage of you when you were in a vulnerable state and tried to force his presence onto you even when you were clearly uncomfortable. thats so fucking disgusting and so far beyond unacceptable, i cant even begin to articulate it. like. nobody can tell you how you’re supposed to react to something like this, and you don’t have to police yourself or carry a guilt that isn’t yours. you’ve done nothing wrong. repeat it as many times as you need to, because no matter what your mind is telling you, that is the ultimate fact of the matter. look, since this all happened just last night, i’m sure everything feels super overwhelming and scary right now. you dont have to know what to do next, you just have to move forwards one hour at a time. i know how it is when you get drunk and shit happens and the next day you wake up not knowing how the fuck to get up and carry on. you’re definitely not alone on that one. it’s completely natural for your emotions to be all over the place, and it’s okay to feel whatever you need to feel. if you have to cry, then cry. if you have to get mad, get mad. if you want to write your feelings out, or get some rest and take some time, then so be it. worrying about what could’ve happened is an instinctive response to fear for a lot of people, it’s uncontrollable. but that thought process will stop occurring as frequently as you begin to confront and accept your feelings, as you put some time and distance between yourself and the circumstances.  i think the main priority now should be to just take care of yourself for today, thats all. slowly begin to acknowledge what happened, in your own time. theres no rule book or set schedule for dealing with something like this, you can do it at your own pace in your own way. as long as you’re doing what you can to understand that the dude was a fucking creep and that you are not in the wrong. i also think it could really help for you to talk about this with someone you trust. i know that’s a daunting idea, but it’s just that, an idea. your brain may want to push it away, but self isolation only makes things harder and more disorienting in the long run. you dont have to do anything rn, and it’s entirely your choice, but know that the option is always there for you to come back to. try not to discard it entirely, ok? even if you just start with writing down your feelings, or telling a friend/family member you need some support. it’s easier to accept things when you can lean on others, and they can help you decide where you want to go from here. it really is alright to say it out loud. doesn’t have to be today or even any time super soon, but like i said, you’re not in this alone. a lot of people can relate, maybe even some of your loved ones will. you deserve so much better than what you’ve been through. i promise the awful shock of it will subside and you WILL be able to recuperate and recover, especially if you give yourself the tools to do so i.e self care and opening up when you’re ready and if you want to. also as a sidenote, the first kiss usually IS pretty shit. the real first kiss happens when you’re with someone you care about and you’re comfortable, even if it’s not your literal first time, it’s the first one that matters - and you will find that, theres no rush. anyway, i really hope you’re able to treat yourself with patience and kindness as you begin to overcome this. again, just cos i want to stress it, you’re not overreacting. you’re having a normal human response to a shitty situation, and a shitty person. you dont need anyones permission for that. im sending a lot of love your way. please let me know if you need a friend!! take care lovie

Did the Hero of Kazakhstan kidnap the Russian Fairy’s heart after all?

written for @otayuriwriterscollective olympics week

sun feb 11: interviews/media coverage OR celebration/party

T-rated, 2.8K words

huge thanks to @bekasstar​ for being my second pair of eyes (and letting me use not only her real twitter handle but the sideblog url as well AND discussing this idea with me and just existing in general ♡)

Read on AO3

“Beka, look, you need to see this.” Otabek leaves his suitcase open on the floor and sits next to Yuri who’s lying on his stomach on the hotel bed. (He has been there the whole time Otabek has tried to unpack his suitcase and settle down in the room, his own suitcase abandoned near the door - Yuri said he would go and check his own room later even though they both know he isn’t going to spend too much time there.) Otabek leans in and reads over Yuri’s shoulder a Twitter thread the Russian skater has open on his phone.

Yuri’s Angels @yurisangels_official・20 min Yuri was seen hugging Otabek Altin of Kazakhstan outside their hotel today. Olympic Athletes from Russia (OAR) arrived to Pyeongchang yesterday evening, Team Kazakhstan early today. welcome to the madness @datyurifanboy・19 min @yurisangels_official such a shame Yuri can’t properly represent his country tho… but also @vilmahenriika look at this shit always sleepy @vilmahenriika・18 min @datyurifanboy @yurisangels_official holy fuck my Otayuri Senses™ are tingling it was like 5am in Korea when Otabek got there?? Maybe in next olympics Yuri’s gonna represent Kazakhstan ;)) jkjk Yuri’s Angels @yurisangels_official・16 min @datyurifanboy @vilmahenriika I heard they hugged for a really long time outside the hotel, and then went inside together. And that Yuri was looking happy af. Also we haven’t seen Yuri in Team Kazakhstan jacket… yet. always sleepy @vilmahenriika・15 min @yurisangels_official i’d die if that happened also @smilejongdw you need to see this!! Chel @smilejongdw・14 min @vilmahenriika @yurisangels_official HOLY FUCK Yuri’s Angels @yurisangels_official・14 min @smilejongdw @vilmahenriika There’s a week to go before the games start, we have our fingers crossed for Instagram updates! And reports from people who might see them around & in practice! WA @figureskating-guy・12 min @yurisangels_official @vilmahenriika @smilejongdw You guys need to chill. I mean, Yuri and Otabek are friends. They haven’t seen each other since the GPF. Ofc they’re happy. always sleepy @vilmahenriika・10 min @figureskating-guy let a girl have her fun lmao “Are you pissed you can’t represent Russia?” Yuri stares at Otabek for a couple of silent seconds, and then rolls his eyes. “Is that really the first thing that came to your mind after reading all that?” “I’m just curious,” Otabek shrugs, but he knows Yuri has noticed the hint of a smile trying to tug his lips upwards. “I’m pissed those doping assholes have the guts to call themselves athletes”, Yuri says, frowning in disgust. Then his face settles in something more serious. “All I care about is skating, really.” For some time it had looked like Yuri wouldn’t even be able to compete in Olympics despite getting silver in the Grand Prix final and winning Nationals less than two months before. When Yuri had gotten the permission to skate under OAR, he had called Otabek and cried tears of relief. After all, it’s their first Olympics, and going there together had been their dream. “So your fans looking for evidence of us dating isn’t something you care about?” Otabek is smirking now, but his smile falters when he sees the excited glint in Yuri’s eyes. “I want to talk about that.” “Yura, I told you - after Olympics.” The two of them had jumped from the friendship stage to something entirely different during Yuri’s exhibition skate in the Grand Prix final held in Barcelona, just three days after their reunion. (Otabek prefers to call it a meeting instead of a reunion because Yuri didn’t even remember him back then, but Yuri tells him reunion sounds better.) On most days they had been best friends, but then there had been moments when neither of them could say were they friends or something more. They openly cheered for each other during competitions despite being each other’s biggest rivals. When they met in and outside of competitions - skating, walking around in different cities, or having sleepovers at the other boy’s house during off-season - there had been long looks and lingering touches. Looks and touches the media and their fanbases had started to notice after a while, as well. After reading the third online article (titled Did the Hero of Kazakhstan kidnap the Russian Fairy’s heart after all?) scrutinizing every little detail in how long they had hugged after a medal ceremony, Otabek had grown tired of all the conspiracy theories: he had brought the topic up with Yuri in Skype. He didn’t expect their conversation to end with Yuri confessing he had feelings for Otabek; feelings Otabek shared. It’s been a year since that Skype conversation, and they had agreed on being just best friends in the public eye. If Otabek is being honest, he isn’t surprised Yuri wants everyone to know already - he’s impatient, has always been. “Don’t you think this would be a perfect opportunity to let the world know?” Yuri asks, sitting up. He puts his hands on Otabek’s shoulders, a happy grin on his face. “I think we should wait until the games are over. I don’t want it to affect the results.” “As if it would.” “You never know,” Otabek says with a shrug, and Yuri sighs in defeat. He picks his phone up, the Twitter thread still open on the screen. “Also I love reading the theories your fans come up with.” “Your fans contribute in them, too.” “What if,” Otabek says, holding his hands up in defence when Yuri’s eyes start to sparkle again, trying to keep the blond’s hopes from shooting too high up. “What if we just had fun now, and thought about this when the games are over.” *** The days before the opening ceremony are busy for both of them: they’re training on and off ice while trying to get used to the time difference and learning to navigate in the huge Olympic village. Their coaches are trying their best to keep them healthy and in good condition before the games start: they aren’t allowed on the ice too much, and staying up late to have a stroll around the city is strictly prohibited as well. Otabek wants the competition to start already, while Yuri can’t wait for everything to be over. “Let’s take a pic!” Yuri demands when they leave the hotel on the night of the opening ceremony. They are both dressed up in their respective uniforms: Yuri in grey and white, Otabek in the colors of Kazakhstan. He doesn’t feel comfortable in the bright colors, especially next to Yuri’s more neutral attire. It takes a moment before they find a spot with lighting good enough for Yuri’s standards. Yuri switches to the front camera of his phone and raises the device up, gesturing Otabek to come closer so they both fit in the frame. Otabek laughs and wraps an arm around Yuri’s waist, showing a thumbs up to the camera with his other hand. As always, Yuri snaps dozen pictures just in case (he’s really serious about his Instagram feed - a thing Otabek has never really understood, but he respects his boyfriend’s devotion). Otabek grows tired of posing after five shots, and in the last one he’s stealing a glance of a happily laughing Yuri, a soft smile and a gentle blush on his face. “I’m gonna upload this one, too,” Yuri says when he sees the last picture on his camera roll. “No, you are not.” “Yeah, I am. You look good in it.” “I look like I’m in love, Yuri.” “Exactly.” * Yuri’s Angels @yurisangels_official・4 min Yuri updated his Instagram! “yuri-plisetsky: Ready for the opening ceremony! With @otabek-altin” [2 pictures attached] OLYMPICS HYPE @itsviktorwithak・3 min @yurisangels_official okay but does Otabek have an arm around Yuri’s waist?? Yuri’s Angels @yurisangels_official・3 min @itsviktorwithak It seems so, yes! C; OLYMPICS HYPE @itsviktorwithak・2 min @yurisangels_official holy fuck OLYMPICS HYPE @itsviktorwithak・2 min @yurisangels_official ppl are going crazy in the comments omg Beka’s quad salchow @otabeks_devil・2 min @itsviktorwithak @yurisangels_official Well, the way Otabek looks at Yuri in that 2nd pic… my gf looks at me like that go team japan!! @loveonice・1 min @otabeks_devil @itsviktorwithak @yurisangels_official I wonder when’s the wedding lolol *** Neither of them takes part in the Team events, so after the opening ceremony is over, they have a week before they can hit the ice for real. They try to kill time in different ways: they go watch the Team events held in Gangneung Ice Arena, have a jog around the Olympic village when the sun sets behind the tall hotel buildings, and skate as much as their coaches let them. Otabek cherishes the mornings during that week. He often wakes up before Yuri and pulls him closer to his chest, listening to their hearts sharing a rhythm. It’s quiet and peaceful, something the two of them haven’t been given a chance to enjoy. Otabek knows that when their turns to skate in front of the judges come, Yuri wants to sleep in his own bed. He says it keeps him focused, and Otabek understands (but he’s still happy they will get their results after only two days on the ice, and that no matter what happens they will be sharing a bed again when they’re done with the free skating). So on the morning of the short program Otabek wakes up alone, his head hurting from lack of sleep. He’s feeling slightly disoriented, and scrolling through his Twitter mentions and Instagram comments doesn’t make his mood any better. People are cheering him on and sending messages of good luck, but all Otabek wants is to see Yuri. He still isn’t an asshole though: he likes some comments and tweets, and then types a short message thanking everyone for the support before getting out of bed. Both of them are scheduled to skate in the last group: Otabek starting the group, Yuri getting his turn right after him. It’s an honor to be part of the very last group, but it also means they have a lot of time in their hands after the first group finally gets on the ice. “Nervous?” Yuri asks when he sits next to Otabek in the warm-up area. He has already changed in his short program costume, an OAR jersey over it. Otabek shoots him a small smile, brushing his fingertips quickly against the back of Yuri’s hand when no one can see. “Not anymore,” he says, truthfully. He takes one earphone out and turns the volume of his music down. “You?” “A little. I couldn’t really sleep last night.” “Me neither.” Yuri sighs and rests his head on Otabek’s shoulder, closing his eyes. His long lashes create fans over his cheeks, dark with mascara. “Can I sleep in your bed tonight?” “Are you sure? Free’s tomorrow.” “I’m sure,” Yuri whispers, raising his head to give a shy smile to Otabek. It takes all of Otabek’s willpower not to pull Yuri into a kiss, but the camera crew walking around shooting material to show in live coverages during ice maintenance stops him; so he just nods, and Yuri understands. * Yuri’s Angels @yurisangels_official・2 min Yuri’s getting ready for his short program in the warm-up area! He can be seen in the background with Otabek Altin during Phichit Chulanont’s interview. [1 picture attached] Need me a man like Beka @otabekskitten・2 min @yurisangels_official is yuri’s head… on beka’s shoulder… Yuri’s Angels @yurisangels_official・1 min @otabekskitten Yes!!! And then he raises his head and smiles, looking like an angel!! Need me a man like Beka @otabekskitten・1 min @yurisangels_official i’m not sure should i be screaming or crying Bless Chris @giacomettisbutt・1 min @otabekskitten @yurisangels_official WHY NOT BOTH *** Both of them are again in the last starting group for the free skate, but this time neither of them are tired or nervous. Yuri is third to last to skate, just before Otabek - their point difference is 0.08, and Otabek has already accepted the fact that Yuri will snatch silver from him. He isn’t angry about it. Otabek gets the front seat for Yuri’s free program, standing on the side of the rink. He barely hears the announcer over the deafening boom of cheers when Yuri makes his way to the center of the ice, his face serious. “Yuri! Davai!” Otabek yells over the commotion, loud enough for Yuri to raise his eyes and give him a thumbs up. When Yuri settles in his starting pose and lowers his gaze, there’s a small smile on his lips. Yuri’s skating is beautiful to watch, as always: most of his jumps are in the second part of his program, and the choreographic sequence he starts with is delicate, setting an eerie mood in the whole arena. Not many other skaters in men singles share his flexibility - his Biellmann position is deep, and his spins are fast. He jumps with both of his arms raised, and even though one of his landings ends up a little shaky, he finishes with a flawless program. A happy smile spreads on his face when the music stops, and he bows to the cheering audience shining brighter than the rhinestones in his black costume. Otabek watches how Yuri picks up a huge tiger plushie from the ice on his way out and accepts Yakov’s warm hug. Otabek’s own chest is almost bursting with pride when he takes his blade guards off and hands them to his own coach, giving him a confident nod. He’s about to step on the ice when there’s a weight against him, thin arms wrapped around his shoulders. “Davai, Beka,” Yuri whispers in his ear before letting go, Yakov’s cursing making him hurry to the Kiss & Cry. * Yuri’s Biellmann @otayuri3113・4 min DID YOU GUYS SEE THAT talk otayuri to me @yurabeka・4 min @otayuri3113 YURI JUST?? HUGGED OTABEK AND SAID SOMETHING TO HIM?? Yuri’s Biellmann @otayuri3113・3 min @yurabeka EXACTLY??? And Yakov looked so pissed oh my god I love Yuri talk otayuri to me @yurabeka・3 min @otayuri3113 And I know this one Kazakh skater who probably shares your feelings omfg Yuri’s Angels @yurisangels_official・2 min Yuri’s scores for his Free are 222.18, and he’s currently in the first place! Two skaters to go: Kazakhstan’s Otabek Altin and Canada’s Jean-Jacques Leroy. *** Yuri’s unusual way of wishing Otabek good luck makes the headlines, but he doesn’t seem to mind as long as the articles remember to mention they are also the silver and bronze medalists. Otabek wants to lecture Yuri and remind him he promised to wait until the games are over before announcing his undying love for Otabek. But Otabek just can’t get angry at Yuri. That’s what he tells Mila when she asks him about it. They’re sitting in the audience of the ice arena, a day after men’s free program, halfway through short dance. It’s time for ice maintenance, people in the audience scrolling on their phones or huddling closer to each other to stay warm. The big screens over the ice are showing Korean adverts between recaps of yesterday’s free program. “You should, he could have ruined your concentration! There are already people saying he was trying to sabotage your skate.” “I would never try to do that,” Yuri defends himself from his seat on Otabek’s other side. “I dunno, you were behind Otabek after short…” “Yeah, 0.08 points.” “I’m just telling you what I’ve read,” Mila shrugs, getting an eye roll from her rinkmate. “Did I ruin your concentration yesterday?” Yuri turns to ask Otabek, challenge in his eyes. “You didn’t, but I’m not encouraging you to do that again.” “Yeah, only because you’re afraid I might give you a boner before you go-” “Yura, they have us on the screen.” Yuri looks up at the screens hanging on the ceiling and finds out Otabek wasn’t saying that just to get him distracted. People in the arena around them are already clapping, congratulating them both for their medals. Yuri blinks, taken aback by the attention he’s suddenly receiving, and Otabek placing his cool hands on each side of his face and kissing him doesn’t really help. Yuri kisses back without thinking, a slow smile spreading on his lips when he hears Mila gasping somewhere on Otabek’s right. “I thought-,” Yuri mumbles when they break the kiss, a violent blush climbing on his face as the members of the audience whistle and scream. “I thought you said after the games.” “Well, aren’t we technically done with them already?” * Yuri’s Angels @yurisangels_official・5 min Yuri just tweeted and confirmed that the kiss seen during Ice Dance break wasn’t staged!! “@yuri-plisetsky: when your boyfriend kisses you in front of way too many people smh I’ve fallen for a total loser.” Yuri’s Angels @yurisangels_official・4 min Congratulations, @yuri-plisetsky and @otabek-altin!! Chel @smilejongdw・2 min @yurisangels_official i can now die happy always sleepy @vilmahenriika・2 min @yurisangels_official @smilejongdw TT<3

i don’t know what athletes really do during olympics when they aren’t competing and i’m fully aware the skaters probably aren’t allowed to interact with each other between their skates like that but let’s call this artistic freedom.

buy me a coffee?