#I haven't gotten intrusive thoughts about taking a knife to the under bits this bad since puberty
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vent.txt
#god... every passing month recently feels worse and worse?#between the dysphoria and the extreme pain like#each time the suicidal thoughts and urges just keep getting worse#I haven't gotten intrusive thoughts about taking a knife to the under bits this bad since puberty#I have to smack my hand from trying to find some way to take some of my husband's T#He recently skipped a dose and I sat there so like...#''Give it to me then'' in my head#I hate this I hate how emotional the approaching ritual makes me#I hate how much I cry and how hyper sensitive the parts get and I hate this#I never wanted to be born transsexual#This isn't a gift this is fucking torture#I have no idea when I'm even gonna be able to get an appointment to discuss T#Let alone bottom surgery#I haven't wanted to kill myself this badly before#But in a way that I can't be found#I refuse to be misgendered in death#I fucking. I want to stop existing.
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