It's... a very strange feeling to learn where your anger management issues stem from. "Oh, I have a tendency to bottle my negative emotions up for no reason and let molehills eventually fester into mountains. I wonder what that is." My mother, when I slightly raise my voice about an issue with her that bothers me: "Why are you getting so angry at me, I really feel like I don't deserve this! Lot of bad energy going on around here!"

In my RL socialcircle I'm the "Everything bagel" of ND'ness, yet I'm also the most obnoxious person about disliking ND headcanons. I think it's legit because I always feel like they're doing it wrong, because my brain tells me "I'm the default, why are you writing it like that? Oh no, stop stop stop, ahhhhhh" Then I get upset, because that's not how it's supposed to be, and then I get into an episode and really frustrated because I know my brain is being a cunt, but I can't stop it. How to cope?

how many of them do epilepsy and schizo-spectrum hcs? or are autism and adhd the only things cutesy and fun enough for your friends to lazily stereotype characters as? that isn't to say i have problems with people hc whatever they hc, it's not my business policing everybody's fun even if i don't like it. you're not wrong if you're just disliking the way they do shit, i get bad vibes already. however, you're factually incorrect if you assume the way you're experiencing symptoms is representative of everyone and every character with Symptoms Disorder should look like you- just as headcanons always all being "uwu he's picky and bad at talking", rather than meltdowns and delusions of reference and very bad anger and self-destructive boredom and so forth are incorrect. i genuinely think the issue isn't that you don't like it, because i am exactly the same, i get pissed at the way discussions about nds constantly erase epilepsy because it's not a learning disorder, it bothers me how people act like rep for that isn't important since autism is uwu ~who i am~ but epilepsy is just a curse, ignoring if that's how i feel about either. you can vent about that. the issue mostly just comes down to you needing to be a free speech ass. literally that's it. i'm a free speech ass, so i seeth and moan, but i wouldn't stop someone from doing it because as much as i hate (using my own free speech to express said hate) i also want you capable of saying whatever the fuck you want. free expression is genuinely worth a billion things that make me sick. so that's the coping you need- it's fine for your brain to be an angry cunt and perfectly fine to vent about it on tumblr, and you don't need this beating yourself up for being mad about it, even being mad in a specific way that's factually incorrect, as mentioned, that's fine. literally all you need to do is go "i can feel how i feel, but that will ultimately have no bearing on them" and then go eat a bagel or explode the government or eat another bagel. just nd hobbies. i literally used to run a blog discussing DID rep, whether it met an actual medical diagnostic criteria, yes, but also just is that a fun person to watch? are they interesting? do they feature heavily? i wasn't doing it to say every character has to look how i want, it's because i wanted a resource for people to find character they're likely to want to watch- it's long deleted, but yeah. just be chill.

I am so glad you pointed out the imperialist vibes Edelgard has sometimes. As someone who lives in a country who was basically occupied ahem conquered because they said "we have better ideas that will improve your lives" and had our culture absolutely shattered, one of the main reasons why I disagree with Edelgard so much is because of that. She thinks her point of view is superior and the most morally right and I really don't like it whenever she sounds so confused about people defending their homeland. Especially that one line she has with Dimitri in Chapter 17 ffffff—

Like, girl, they have the fucking right to disagree with you please stop sounding so confused as to why they can't see eye to eye with you gahhhhh

I would be more tolerant with the war if she had say, did diplomacy before it? But she tried to had Dimitri and Claude killed in Part I (the prologue). I would also understand her better if the war was a last resort and the other leaders were corrupt and all that. But they're not. Many of the students (who have power because many are noble heirs) outside her house are heavily affected by the nobility and Crests (Sylvain, Ingrid, Mercedes, Lysithea, etc.) or at least understanding of the problems caused by them (Dimitri). It's so frustrating how so much of this can be prevented if she just talked about it.

Also, to those who said she wants the change to be quick, even with war it won't be. The fucking war basically caused continent-wide damage. It's going to be so hard to actually fix this. Hell, there's definitely going to be an eventual rebellion by former Kingdom / Alliance people or sympathisers. It's not going to be as clean cut as the game or some pro-Edelgard people make it to be. Not everyone is going to agree with her, whether she takes over or not. She just destroyed the stability of the continent and while yes, she can rebuild it again, it will still take time and who's to say future leaders won't be corrupt? Also, a hierarchy will always exist, whether she likes it or not. Especially if she plans to set up a meritocracy. Meritocracy is going to usually end up giving power and privilege to those with already pre-existing privilege as they the opportunity to show off their merits or develop those skills. Poor and disabled people are going to have difficulty as they don't have equal opportunity to develop skills and accomplish stuff. I'm generalising, but it just ends up as a hierarchy, again. Not only that, it also has ways to enforce discrimination.

Basically, what I'm trying to say is, she needs to long term plan out her systems. I apologise since I have bad memory but as far as I remember, the game doesn't give us too many details on how she wants to establish her system. All I remember is she does the war > Church / Rhea out of power > Establish her government > ???. Someone please clear this up for me because I'm confused.

...and again really, diplomatic reforms are an option. Yes, they're much more tedious. Yes, they take so much more longer. Yes, sometimes it feels impossible to accomplish. But did she not even consider it as an option?

All in all, I do like Edelgard. But I really wish the game let us go against her while we're with her? I wish it wasn't just general "agree with Edelgard" for CF. I remember someone pointing it out to me before that it would've been really great if she had someone in her house who does the same role Felix does in AM... which is basically disagree and call out the lord's shit. And they pointed out Ferdinand could've probably been that character for CF. And I kinda agree? I really think CF would immensely improve if Edelgard had a challenger / foil to her beliefs similar to how Felix does that for Dimitri.

Anyway, sorry for the very long ask lol. I like Edelgard and I agree with some of her morals and ideals such as the crest system being bad but....she's done so dirty asdfghjkl. I do think she's written well enough to incite these emotions in me, and she makes for a good antagonist. As a protagonist lord however.... yeah.

First off, sorry it took so long to respond, but I wanted to give an equally throughout response. 

While I haven’t gotten to chapter 17 yet, I can attest to the notion that Edelgard’s rhetoric is eerily similar to Imperialist propaganda. I do understand this is fiction, and that it’s okay to hand-wave/enjoy things in fiction that you shouldn’t or wouldn’t in real life. Crimson Flower has its charms and parts I enjoy. Edelgard is an interesting character more hampered by things that plague Three Houses as a whole than anything else, but it’s still worth examining how dangerous her rhetoric is. Because, unlike you, my country sits at the opposite end - the Imperialist nation selling that rhetoric to its citizens, and, unfortunately, at the time I bought it - which makes me really sensitive to this. 

I’m from the US and I’m specifically speaking about the US’s invasion of the Middle East. I was in middle or high school, just barely a teenager, and naive and ignorant enough to believe what my leaders said. Because guess what? I bought into it out of misplaced and ignorant (and racist) compassion. I was horrified at the idea these people were suffering unfairly just because of where they were born whereas I got all these promised privileges just because of where I was born. I really thought the US would go in there and give them democracy and everything would be great. Looking back, I realize they were lying, that we’ve only made things worse, that it’s horribly racist to assume the US was just inherently better, and I’ve sense then gained access to fast-speed internet, traveled, matured, etc . . . and thankfully this all happened before I had any actual power to do anything like vote. But to this day I’m beyond pissed off they used my own compassion against me to line their own pockets. It was ignorant and racist, but it was all based in concern that others didn’t have the same quality of life I had and a growing realization of my own privilege. And that’s what I hate so much. It didn’t sound evil. It sounded good. It used people’s good will and compassion against them and twisted it into evil for their own causes. 

I don’t think Edelgard is after Faerghus and the Alliance because she wants oil. I think she honestly thinks she’s doing good. And, if this were real life, I think that makes her rhetoric even more dangerous than a corrupt politicians’.  Because everything else is still the same. She’s being ignorant, nationalist instead of racist in this case, and honestly thinks her moral superiority will improve everyone’s lives even if it means ravaging the entire content in war. She is dangerously naive and ignorant. 

Maybe I’d support her more morally if I believed for an instant the general populace welcomed the changes she wants to bring, if the leaders she fought against weren’t open and wanting change themselves, ect . . . But the dialogue indicated her presence inspires people running and screaming in terror, not welcoming her presence (see the chapter where you kill Claude). The Kingdom is still fighting tooth and nail against her. She’s not supported. Her changes aren’t wanted. And she hasn’t bothered to learn a single thing about the cultures she’s determined to squash under her heal nor the leaders heading them. 

I also think I’d support her better if we had a clearer idea of what her plans were. But CF has shifted from Edelgard speaking about interesting ideas and classism to evil dragon overlords and chastising Byleth for making her blush. The decision to side with her or Rhea is not choosing between two ideals, but an emotional, spur of the moment thing. Edelgard’s early supports with Byleth attempt to convince the player to side with her not based on political ideals, but on feeling sorry for her. 

CF gives you no choice but to agree with everything Edelgard says (as you said, there’s no “Felix” or a “Lorenz”). It wants you to support her war without question, and therefore you don’t get any answers to questions like - if this is really just about Rhea, why are we invading the Alliance? Because they won’t hand power over to you? Why didn’t you just stick to the Empire to enact your changes? In the end, you’re left with what sounds more and more like an entitled Imperialistic princess with absolutely no idea how ignorant she is hell bent on conquering what she thinks belongs to her based on a conspiracy theory. 

All that said, I do think Edelgard has interesting ideas and isn’t wholly wrong, just how she goes about it is horribly wrong. And I fully believe the core issue is how CF has dropped the ball big time writing wise, because diving deeper into her ideas and not her crush on you would go a long way. So would shifting the narrative away from evil boogey dragon lady must die and everyone else is wrong and I am superior and right and more towards a clashing of ideals, this route could’ve been a lot more and seemed a lot less ignorant, naive, entitled, and Imperialistic. 

TØP Weekly Update #142: A Formidable Album (5/21/21)

So... how 'bout that album release week?

There's so much to cover; the release of nine new songs, the hype that's building for the World's Best Band to return to the stage, and (if we're able to come up for air) the massive speculation of what the future brings for our band.

I'm gonna get right into it, laying out my thoughts regarding this bold new album and covering all the most notable news from the week. I'll be sharing my (mostly) positive opinions about Scaled and Icy under the Read More line; I hope they're the start of a fun conversation with all of y'all who have stuck around through this last year.

Scaled and Icy Review

First, my general thoughts on the album: It's good! Really good. Do I think it's a no-skip like Vessel or a cohesive piece of art like Trench? Absolutely not! But it's also not the potential misfire that I worried that we might be getting when I first heard "Saturday" (more on that later); I think all of the songs are at least good, and some of them are downright great tracks that hold up with anything else that our band has ever released. It is also indisputably very different, but I think that generally works pretty well. Many of the songs evoke '60s rock or Britpop sounds and structures that you can tell Tyler is still trying to navigate, but I think he does a very solid job at adapting them to suit his strengths- namely his lyricism and knack for melody- rather than change to suit them. Unfortunately, this does result in a bit of square-peg-in-round-hole syndrome at times; most of the rap verses on the album feel like they're here just to fulfill an obligation to fans who would be mad if they weren't here, and most of the songs that use them are the weakest ones in the project.

"Good Day" plays a major role in getting the rest of the album to work as well as it does. Its gradual ramp-up, introducing the sound that will be used throughout the rest of the album. Its playfulness belies its message about how one can project a somewhat false optimism for oneself in the midst of tragedy: the type of dark stuff in a bright package that Tyler is so so good at. It's perhaps not an instant classic, but I am excited to see how it comes across when it's eventually used as a show-opener. 9/10

I've of course already discussed "Shy Away"; an anthemic, inimitably catchy track that I just wish had a bit more going on under the hood. Still going to be so good to hear thousands of voices scream "An 'I LOVE YOU' that isn't words!" someday. 9.5/10

"Choker" definitely took a little bit to grow on me. I think part of that was a bit of disappointment from over-inflated expectations and the environment I was in when I first heard it. With further listens, I fall more and more in love with the melody of the song... well, most of it. Like the rest of this album, the biggest weakness in the song is when Tyler tries to tick the box of having a rap verse; it just feels really out of place, unfinished, and almost amateurish, and it doesn't end the song on the note that it really should. Without it, it'd be one of my favorites on the album; with it, "Choker" is a solid 8.5/10.

Speaking of unfinished-sounding songs really hurt by their rap verse: "The Outside". There's a definite something to the vibe of the song, but that seemingly nonsensical verse is one of the two weakest parts of the entire project for me. The way the song meanders only adds to the feeling that there wasn't as much energy and attention paid to it compared to other parts of the project. It's pretty easily my least favorite track on Scaled and Icy, and the only one I might regularly skip. I've also seen plenty of people saying it's the best song on the album, so please tell me why I'm wrong! 6.5/10

"Saturday", as mentioned above, had me really nervous about this album. Like "Choker", it's grown on me a bit since I first heard it, in part because it fits better with the context of the rest of the album. However, this one really does feel undercooked lyrically and overreliant on the novelty of using a disco-inspired sound that seems to chase trends more than almost any other TØP track. The inclusion of that very sweet audio clip from Jenna boosts the song in some ways, but also adds to the disappointment in others; there are many other songs on this project that would be more worth surrendering time watching Friends. Thankfully, those come next. 7/10

"Never Take It" is fascinating. I never thought I'd hear a Rolling Stones-style song from Tyler Joseph featuring a gd guitar solo of all things, and it actually sounds pretty great. However, I also predict that this song will see some of the greatest critical scrutiny out of all the songs on the album. The lyrics seem to be Tyler's criticism of the media for playing up division in our society, but he's extremely vague when discussing which entities are spreading said division and ultimately recommends that people "educate yourself, but never too much". I'll be honest: maybe it's the fact that it sounds like something my dad would listen to, but it feels like this would get tons of play on Fox News. Since it makes specific reference to the events of last summer, it's hard not to feel like song is at least partially inspired by Tyler's brush with cancellation last year. Maybe I'm reading too deeply into it, but those reservations come from the song's lack of specificity, which is an issue of songwriting more than politics. They hold me back from truly loving a song that still manages to be one of the most exciting the band has ever put out. 8.5/10

"Mulberry Street" seems like the perfect realization of the entire album's intended tone. It is so pleasant, so lush while also simply produced, full of great lyrics, metaphors, and imagery. It really brings the whole project together, even if it's missing That One Line to really move this up to the top tier of the canon. 9.5/10

"Formidable" is the best song on the album and one of two songs I would truly rank in the top tier of the band's canon. Extremely pleasant and brimming with well-crafted lines to make your heart swoon. Jenna (and Rosie) is (are) a lucky gal(s). Or is it about Josh? Who's to say? 10/10

"Bounce Man" is just plain wild. I think Tyler's smuggling someone to Mexico to escape the feds? The playfulness of it all really covers up any frustration I might have with the clarity; it makes it clear that there's not really stakes here, just vibes. 8.5/10

"No Chances" sees the album take a turn that I'm sure the Reddit Clique is going to have an absolute field day with; it and "Redecorate" both sound quite different from the rest of the album and evoke enough elements of Trench to make me think that's it's actually possible that all this 'SAI is Propaganda' stuff might actually have something to it... until I actually pick apart the lyrics, then I'm even more confused. The song has some of the best rapping on the album, though that's not saying much (the feng shui line is a groaner right out the gate) and the gentle pre-chorus is really pleasant. I still haven't made up my mind on whether the chorus is effective or just plain goofy. This one might get worse or better on repeat listens, impossible to say for now. 7.5/10

"Redecorate" rounds out the album by opening with a Clancy quote (Tyler, you bastard), firmly setting this as a coda to Trench more than the album we just listened to. The rest of the song is really storytelling, with Tyler describing a bunch of people who are struggling deeply. The idea of "redecorating" here stands for how they are faced with the option to clean and resort their own spaces and lives or leave that to their loved ones to do after they're gone. By the time it gets to the album's name drop, you begin to wonder how much of this is potential autobiographical of the last year. It's moving stuff, a callback to some of the great strengths of the band's discography. 10/10

If I average those scores all up, this project ranks below almost every album among the Pilots discography on my rating scale, very narrowly edging out Self-Titled. That's still a very solid 8.6. Scaled and Icy is a very good album on first listen. We'll see how I feel about it after having a little more time to sit with it, but I've rambled enough: let's move through the rest of the week's news.

Other News

Of course, there was a lot else going on this week! To accompany the release of "Saturday", Zane Lowe over at Apple Music dropped an interview with Tyler. As usual, Zane did a pretty solid job of getting to the heart of the craft and the creation process. However, Tyler also wound up skirting a lot of the questions to just talk more about how much he loves being a dad, which makes me happy; if the cost of getting a little less attention and mental energy devoted to the music is that little girl getting all of his attention, that's honestly preferable for me.

The album rollout is not even close to over. Later today, the concert will be streamed live. It's our first real performance that we've gotten from the band since 2019, but the previews that we've seen have completely exceeded any of my expectations, and really anything that we've seen from the band. It appears that they've transformed the entire arena (which I think is the ol' Schott at Ohio State) into a whole TØP world, with different sets laden with Easter eggs and a cast of backup dancers. If the website can hold up to the traffic (and I acknowledge that might be a big ask), this could really live up to Tyler's promise of this being the best livestreamed concert ever.

Oh, and this guy dyed his hair pink.

What a time to be a fan. Catch you all tomorrow.

Power to the local dreamer.

|-/

I don't think you know what intrusive thoughts are because they're a lot more serious then your post about Dick Grayson makes them out to be. They are something that should be taken very seriously and you trying to talk about them the way you did was not only trivialising but also kinda insulting to read as someone who actually suffers from intrusive thoughts. Maybe don't bring up serious things like intrusive thoughts when you clearly don't have experience with them. There are plenty of ways to talk about how he's doing without bringing up an actual thing people suffer from.

Five years ago my psychiatrist switched me to a different medication, one I reacted very badly to. I have never actually been suicidal in my life, but after being on that medication for a few days, my depression grew and I started to have specific, visual thoughts of killing myself, how I would do it, etc. I called my psychiatrist to get me on different meds immediately and my boyfriend of the time had to help me through repeated panic attacks over the course of the days before that medication’s effects wore off and the new meds started to work......because I knew they were intrusive thoughts because I DID NOT WANT THEM. I was scared of these thoughts, these ideas and images of killing myself, because I knew I did not actually want to die, I was not suicidal, but these thoughts kept popping into my brain regardless, and I was afraid of what I might do if I failed to recognize one of these intrusive thoughts as being intrusive, and mistook it for something I really thought and wanted and thus saw it as something to actually act upon. 

It was a very shitty week. It is also not the only time I have dealt with intrusive thoughts, and ones that were of entirely different things and that I didn’t want in my head and I was very aware of this.

I wrote that post with full awareness of what intrusive thoughts are, and they were actually the focus of what I was projecting onto the character as something I wanted to see explored, delved into, and see how Dick was written reacting to them. I felt and still feel that while the origin of this scenario is a far-fetched comic book one and not remotely real world plausible, the end result, the part I was focusing on, is still parallel to my own experiences with intrusive thoughts and my views on them. I imagined the idea of Dick having a thought based on the memories the Joker implanted of Dick killing his parents....I felt this would be something he would see as an internal issue but one with an external source...a thought that wasn’t something he wanted, something he actively cultivated or wanted to act upon, but rather something he had no control over and was afraid of because of what it might imply about him or he might see it as something he’s afraid he really is capable of. 

Its not a perfect parallel, of course not! But that doesn’t mean I’m trivializing it by seeing an angle where this particular story about the human condition - which is ultimately what ALL storytelling is, whether its Tolstoy or a comic book - could be explored and built upon, as its something that I’ve never seen touched upon before.

I write a lot of posts about the elements of abuse and attitudes around rape that frequently appear in comics and in fanfics about those comics. I don’t feel this is trivializing the real life equivalents of those things, but rather, doing the opposite of that and trying to bring focus to the elements that appear in fiction that mirror actual reactions and attitudes people have in real life....so that potentially, the things examined and discussed about these issues as they appear in fiction, could some day be relevant to a person and thus provide them a wider view of the situation or a wider range of options for dealing with the situation, than they might have had if they just read take after take on abuse and rape and internalized it all without a second thought....but with those internalized views still now building a foundation for how that person might react to these situations in real life as well....but with that foundation being inherently flawed and unstable because of the shitty quality of the takes its built upon.

I don’t think implying the existence of very complicated issues in a comic book setting is trivializing that issue.....whether it ends up feeling trivialized or not, I feel depends entirely on the execution of the issue within the story. How its handled, treated, whether its kept framed as a matter requiring maturity to interact with or whether its just used as window dressing to make a fic more angsty.

I can see how abruptly that particular thought was placed at the end of that post, on its own, without my mental context for it actually being written out and expanded upon....like, I do see how it could come off as dismissive and just casually thrown in there even if that wasn’t my intention. I do apologize for that. You’re right, it is an important issue and one that deserves respect and maturing when delving into it, and I didn’t make that clear when bringing it into my post, meaning it could just as easily be taken the opposite way. I shouldn’t have ended with that but rather I should have expanded on that there and then. I’ll be more careful of that in the future, especially with intrusive thoughts. 

I do have to say though that I do however stand by my actual premise and thinking that its a valid parallel to explore something that rarely gets explored. I completely understand if this clashes with your own view of how this should be executed or whether it should be executed at all. I don’t actually have anything in mind at the moment, because it was early in the process of actually examining that parallel and so I haven’t fully decided on what direction I want to take there, but I am possibly going to touch on the idea of that parallel again in future posts. So I get it if this is something you’re just fundamentally opposed to and this doesn’t change your mind on it, and I will use the tag “intrusive thoughts tw” on all such posts going forward, so you can blacklist it and hopefully avoid seeing and being frustrated by the reminder I couldn’t or wouldn’t fully view the situation from your POV and change my stance accordingly. I get it. It sucks. And I know that’s not a totally effective solution and stuff might still leak through regardless, just as it sucks to have someone say they get where you’re coming from but still without coming around to your way of viewing it.

 It sucks that our views on the how and when of discussing this issue aren’t compatible, but for whatever its worth, if its worth anything at all, please know that I don’t treat any of the psychological or social effects and ramifications of anything ranging from abuse, rape, intrusive thoughts or neurodivergencies, as something I take lightly. These issues are all very important to me and I raise them and delve into them as much as I do because rather than trivialize them I hope it brings awareness and attention to the more subtle and thus often more harmful perceptions built into a lot of fandom takes on abuse, rape, and neurodivergent characters. It IS important, your upset at seeing something as weighty as intrusive thoughts just tacked onto the end of the post with no indication it’s being fully respected IS valid, and I’m sorry I can’t offer more to resolve that as it may just be that our views on this are simply incompatible for the time being.