life and whatnot

It's not very good but I wanted to say I'm managing. Barely. Thank you for your comments on my last post about Isis. I appreciate them more than I can say. And a huge thank you to @thoseveganelves for a beautiful drawing of her that is my lock screen on my phone <3 thank you again. I'm having problems with Lilly now. I truly hope she'll be ok and they're more behavioral than something actually wrong but there are a few concerning things. Moreover, me and my mom's relationship is shit. She did something yesterday involving Lilly and I'm not sure I can forgive her. Or anything that's happened since the lumbar puncture I wish I never did. It was supposed to be an easy procedure to get a diagnosis and treatment but it ruined my life to such a terrible degree lol wild. I'm exhausted. My head gets pretty severe and then I'll have a break. Enough now that I have been able to watch some shows for the first time in years! They have to be easy and relatively calm shows with not much action or fast camera movement but the fact that I can while my head is in a respite is pretty great. I was working on art like crazy too but shit happened and my creative bug disappeared for a while. I'm writing in another fandom and started up more recently again after a short break. It sucks not to be creative b/c arting/writing is still about all I can do. I do miss bagginshield quite a lot right now. My neurologist is still an asshole. I cry every time I have to interact with him in some way and when I tried to switch within the same group, they wouldn't allow it. They had to talk to him about it so now he knows I'm trying to escape him lmao but thankfully the next time I see neuro is with his PA and I'll get a break from him. It's insane how they can do this to patients and not give a fuck. I lied out my teeth tho when I was trying to switch and said he did right by me, with absolutely no problems (totally didn't leave me in excruciating pain for five entire months). Oh well! My mom and I are supposed to start family therapy soon but they're not calling me back which is strange. My therapist is trying to get them to move on it. It was pulling teeth to get my mom to agree and took a massive fight for that to happen. She used to be my number one. Now I can't trust her with me or my fucking cat. My entire body tenses so badly when she is here. I love my mom with all my heart but I do not like who she has become. I'm so tired. MH is in the tank. I miss Isis severely. She was my soul cat and what happened to her was awful. But her spirit is here. I was never a spiritual person before but too many things are happening that are distinctly Isis™ so I know she's here. Beyond what may be a medical issue, Lilly has blossomed into a different cat, most of it good, but she has seemed very unsettled at times and it hasn't calmed down much since mid-May. Keeping an eye on her. Her vet gave us a prescription for gabapentin and it fucked Isis up so much that I'm nervous about it. But Isis was weird like me and cats usually respond well to it. I hate to make Lilly sedated in any way too but she may have some tooth pain rn and it'd help that. I have pretty bad nerve pain in my face and gaba is a lifesaver for me. Anyway this is rambling like usual. I'm tired and I'm unwell and just want to be well enough to be by myself with my cat again. I have a long road ahead of me to get there. Thanks for listening. 💜 Love you all very much. I am thankful you're here and I'm sending as much warmth as I can. You are all amazing people. Thank you.

Oh yeah, rocket too big. So we're gonna float down.

The finale broke my heart and put it back together </3 season 8 was a great one, short but sweet, I'll definitely miss it :}