#I feel like I'm 3am posting at 6pm | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bread-tab · 1 year

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just a thought that i'm not ready to apply to my close relationships yet...

i need people to tell me i'm annoying them.

not, like, in some sort of way that they're saying my personality is annoying or something, just

my social anxiety punishes me for everything i do. everything. the threshold for "things i do that might be secretly infuriating my loved ones" is set to 0.

like, is it annoying for me to listen to music without headphones at 6pm? 11pm? 3am? ... simplified example. i know this one. (sort of.) but in other things it's like, someone told me it was okay to play music...and then i did it at 3am and got scarred for life by the unexpected negative response. because there are so many situations where i don't pick up on that kind of context clue

it's like that post going around about "imagine living in a world where it actually works like that and they boo you off the bus" well. in my brain it does work like that. i can't turn it off. it's hard to internalize evidence to the contrary because mostly it feels like everyone is just being really polite about hating me.

(isn't that what "read the room" means? everyone wants you to get off the bus. they're just not allowed to say it.)

i know that's not fair to anyone—myself or others. but nevertheless it will take a lot of gentle retraining for that perception to change

i would just really like some feedback to help reset those scales. please tell me where the bar actually is (i will do my best to be relieved)

#social anxiety #probably also trauma from growing up around people with shit for communication skills #imagine someday #i could annoy someone on purpose #and not even have an internal crisis about it

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alexandriteobscuraarchive · 2 years

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Ten Questions for the Mun

Tagged by: @causalitylinked ((Thank you for tagging me!!))

1. When are you usually online?

Because of my work schedule (currently I work Thursday to Monday and have Tuesdays and Wednesdays off) I'm generally bound to mobile throughout the day and on my actual pc later in the evenings around 9:30-10pm. On the days I work the latest I'll usually stay up is midnight to 1am and on my days off I'm usually up until 2am to 3am. On my days off I also have a chunk of pc time in the afternoon, usually from 3pm-6pm.

2. What verses are you involved in outside of this page?

This is the only blog I have dedicated to rp, my other active blogs are personal ones. My xi/v fandom blog doesn't count lol

3. What is your biggest RP pet peeve?

I've answered this question quite a bit but another pet peeve of mine is people being unable to accept that their writing partners have lives outside of rp.

We can't all be online and productive all of the time and to compare someone's output to another mun's (as in 'so and so is a better than you or a more dedicated/invested partner than you because they're online more') is the biggest load of passive aggressive shit I have ever heard, a thing made worse because it's a mindset that can easily shift into outright aggressive harassment and hate. Respecting someone includes respecting their time and life as well.

Be grateful that they're choosing to spend what free time they have writing with you rather than making them feel bad or inferior when they can't. If you feel ignored or left out because someone isn't online as often as you'd like? Too bad. Communicate with them like a fucking adult and accept what they tell you, because chances are it's not some personal vendetta against you it's because they're busy with their actual life and they'd be online more if they could. We're all doing our best here so have actual legitimate respect for your partners and understand when they can't be here for whatever reason.

4. Are you drawn to specific types of muses?

Old men. Villains. 'Villains'. Morally questionable muses. I'm generally drawn towards writing the really complex characters that are often ignored, hated, or shallowly interpreted by their respective fandoms---which is a thing I cannot fucking stand and have ranted about at length in various ooc posts and asks so I won't do it again here. I love writing psychologically tortured and/or troubled muses, usually males. OCs are rare from me but there are a few on this blog. I'm not creative enough to write OC's get off my ass lol

5. Are there reoccurring themes in your writing that people might not notice?

Hmmm...it honestly depends on what genre I'm writing. A lot of my more thematic stuff makes an appearance when I'm writing angst or horror but a lot of the more in depth stuff would have to be gleaned due to actually speaking to me ooc at length. If someone engages in really deep discussions about a particular muse of mine I'm absolutely certain that they'll begin to notice focus points and etc within my writing because of how in depth I talk about those aspects ooc, if that makes sense? Honestly, the best people to ask about this would be @kllsworn @guardianofyesod and @magioffire, if there are people whom I trust to know how I deeply I feel about my characters and how much I utilize every bit of work I've put forth in my writing it's them!

From a purely technical standpoint my writing has definitely changed over the years---especially in regards to how I emphasize things---and I recommend not looking at my older works (as in from my og blog, the old stuff on this blog is still....serviceable shall we say, although there are marked changes there too) unless I direct you there myself.

6. What are your favourite RP trends?

idk if you'd call it a 'trend' per say but I love love love being tagged in posts and tagging people in things. Finding a musings or aesthetics post that fits a partner's muse, a ship of ours, etc, perfectly? I'll tag whomever in it so fast I'm liable to hurt my hands. This goes double when I link said post to them over on discord (with an accompaniment of joyous keysmash and all capital screeching) seconds later. it's such a small way to show that you're invested in the person you're writing with; especially the things that you're cultivating together, and it makes me really happy every time I get the chance to do it.

7. What is your process for starting a new story with someone?

With new people---especially people with OCs or with people who aren't really all that familiar with a muse I'm writing---I prefer to plot.

Plotting with me is usually a low key affair anyhow; it's basically me figuring out what someone is interested in and what triggers they might have so I can direct you towards a muse you might like rather than plotting out an entire story or thread. The only time I'll truly 'plot' something is if there's a really important story beat or idea that I want to do within an interaction and want to make sure it's okay with my partner beforehand otherwise we're winging that shit baby.

I don't mind receiving asks from newer mutuals but I'm not too keen on every single interaction having been continued from an ask. A few of these are fine but if there are a ton of them it gets hard for me to keep track of them and I just like...having an official thread with a title, a proper tag, etc. It gives me something more solid to reference back to, especially when excitedly talking about interactions and etc together.

On a more basic note: the main way to write with me is just to communicate with me. People seem to avoid doing this even after I'm the first one to approach, offer to swap discords, etc. A lot of the time people like to assume that I'm a scary or intimidating person and that I don't want to interact with them which just...isn't the case. Take the initiative and speak with me---even just a simple hello and an indication that you want to write together will do---and I'd be more than happy to work things out with you. I shouldn't have to be the one to approach people all of the time, especially considering I'm constantly offering opportunities and ways to approach me, from calls to memes and so on.

8. How do you feel about duplicates?

I am highly selective about duplicates; especially so considering my more niche characters that are usually woefully mischaracterized or under characterized, and you can read more about that in my rules if only to spare this post from multiple potentially rambling paragraphs. lol

9. How long have you been involved in roleplaying?

Years---probably too many years, honestly. I started when I was about 9 or 10 (with pen and paper) and have been on various platforms all across the internet as I grew up. Concerning tumblr I started my og blog in 2012 and then I switched everything over here in 2017 and am, unfortunately for everyone here, still around.

10. Is there a muse or verse you wish you could write in, but haven’t?

Not currently, no. I try my best not to limit or dampen myself in that way and if something or someone inspires me to write I try my best at writing it. Some of my best muses have surfaced from me being nervous to write them after all, and said nerves have only made it so I'm extra thorough in my characterization and etc! There are a few past muses from years and years ago that I do miss writing for though.

#;;ooc: dash games #;;ooc: about the mun

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