#I don’t talk about my aro trauma with people. my abandonment issues. sometimes o bring it up in writing but it feels wrong | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

raeofgayshine · 9 months

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Absolutely so silly the little things that will get to me, like having my very first team names with my fellow mods is making me fucking cry (/pos) because like

Damn, I belong here? I’m part of a team and I’m appreciated and people like me and want me to be here? I was picked for this team!! And the names!! have relevant meaning to me because they know me and I just

I’m really not used to having places I belong or people who want me around, a little group of my own. And maybe it’s just hitting extra hard because of recent conversations about being aro and not being meant to have anyone you care about stick around

But it makes me so happy and feel so appreciated that these names just happened, just for funsies, wasn’t even trying.

The Void has always been a good place for me. But this makes it feel a little more like a home.

#ravenpuff rambles #I don’t know maybe it’s just because #this is the one space and these are the one set of people I have ever existed around that I don’t feel the need to put on some kind of mask #the void was formed out of some fucked up shit and we trauma bonded first over that #and over the years Trauma bonded over a lot more #including aromanticism and asexuality and the crushing reality of knowing everyone is going to leave at some point #I don’t talk about my aro trauma with people. my abandonment issues. sometimes o bring it up in writing but it feels wrong #to dump it on people who can’t really help it #especially when I’ve never felt close enough to do that #but then someone else brings up their trauma and holy shit I have the same feelings #and there’s a moment of connection and going ‘oh. I’m not alone’#and now o have a space I feel like I’m allowed to exist in #and today #today I fucking got confirmation they want me there too because of silly team names #and how excited my other mod was about them #no one’s ever wanted me on their team #I’ve never been chosen first #and I will never be someone’s first choice in general because that’s just how the world works #but in this single moment I was chosen.#and now I have two team names with two cool people who I work alongside to make a community and channel I love better #also okay so there’s three of us #and right now we’ve come up with two team names for combos of two and I was in both of them #me. I was first. holy shit #anyways I’m going to cry and try to sleep and not dwell on how much I’m effected by this

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