I drew Herbert West from reference and I'm proud of it! I see a lot of flaws but I really think it's so much better than all my other attempts at drawing a face from photo reference.

week forty

we practiced for the concert all day on monday and tuesday.

on tuesday i got some haikyuu stickers from r from the arts department. i offered to buy her a coffee as a thank u so we planned to go sometime within the rest of the week.

wednesday! concert day! we started at 1 pm and the concert started at 8. s wore a really pretty outfit and i was so flustered when i saw her lol i dont remember which day this was but we also played piano together. we played merry-go-round of life, i did right hand and she did left. i was gay panicking so hard. i think im getting a crush on her. shes so pretty w her red underdye and her nails that r always prettily done and her cute little habits and her cute obsession w coffee and sleep. i feel like dressing up and looking pretty at school for her.

concert went alright. i think i couldve sung better but i at least felt somewhat comfortable on stage since it was the second to last song and i sang it together w l. after the concert the teachers treated us w a bunch of snacks. me and l did the bare minimum to road everything. we r the singer stereotype.

thursday! after school i went grocery shopping and picked up some take-out on my way home so i could get some food in my system before my dad came and picked me up. i drove to a city nearby to go look at makeup for halloween. i ended up finding a good lipstick for less than 3€. i still have a mark from swatching the different colors on my hand. i found one in the perfect shade but it was maybelline so i ended up not getting it bc we do not like animal testing ! after shopping we went to my dads girlfriends place. i like his girlfriend, shes really nice. her place was small but nice, it looked really cool and it had like three floors.

i had earlier that day received the black thigh highs i ordered but i didnt have time to try them on until the evening. i received the wrong pair, i ordered patent ones but got matte ones. the shop was nice enough to give me the shoes for free and now im just waiting for my actual shoes to arrive. i like the matte ones too so i dont mind having them too lol

on friday i just had a bass lesson at 11. i really like bass. its a lot of fun and i definitely wanna get my own bass at some point. i went out for the coffee w r in the afternoon. it was more awkward than i expected and it made me kind of lose the remaining respect i had for her heh she only talked abt how her friends angry w her and then dropped the r slur. she just,,, brought my mood down a lot.

later around 5 pm i went back to school to play bass. its so fun, im obsessed!

on saturday i chilled the entire day and then in the evening i went to my brothers place w my dad. we had some drinks and i had like three and a half long drinks and i threw up once i got home. my dad was dogsitting his girlfriends dog so he was w us and omg was he being annoying. i love him but omg does he crave attention.

while at my brothers place we almost had a little game. i gave him a broad genre, like jazz or punk, and he showed me his fav artists within that genre. even if i didnt really care for the music or whatever it was still quite interesting seeing all the different talented musicians and my brother knows sm abt everything so i learnt a lot. my mom picked me up after i tried throwing up for a bit. my brother gave me a glass of water and i shugged that before leaving. ended up throwing up on the street outside our house and then threw up for a bit in the bathroom. i still felt a bit sick and just forced myself to sleep asap. i didnt get a hangover but i did feel weird in my stomach like one tends to do after throwing up lol.

today ive just played sims and watched lineup and smosh lol i started talking to this girl on badoo and shes so smooth and she calls me so many pet names im going to combust (i genuinely accidentally typed ‘cumbust’ and that wouldnt be too far off either). she literally talks like kaeya.

okay i gtg !!!!!!!!

sotw: the realist by onf

Precipice Pt. 1: Rak’Tika

this is Ney’s time in the First so uhh spoilers for essentially the entirety of SHB. 

You know the saying too much of a good thing is a bad thing? this is one of those moments. this is the exact definition of that saying. all this damn white bullshit and blankness. i hate everything. i hate sineaters, i hate doing things against my will. i wanna rip his ears off and feed them to the Lightwardens. he could’ve just brought me but no he had to bring her and him and the other who i swear i dont know how he got here. really i dont like anyone here and i’d like to leave with my unwilling party like yesterday. but things can never be easy and i have to do my worst nightmare; play the hero successfully. the Scions wouldve been a better group then me, more willing. like of all the things that couldve happened to me. whatever, it is what it is. lemme just go find someone then. 

 i couldn’t take one step out of the Crystarium without immediately having ten things on my ass tryna kill me. i outran them and finally arrived in someplace different. it was a forest again swarming with things that wanted to kill me but i dispatched them with medium effort. this Light is really killing my eyes. granted i live in a perpetually overcast environment but beggars can’t be choosers. i was walking along looking but not looking for ay signs of life when i came across an abandoned settlement. it looked burnt down as well. Ah the unwanted memories...... i blinked and suddenly i was surrounded. funny i didn’t even hear them approach. “it’s alone we can take it!” an arrow cut through the air and lodged into my thigh. i heard two different cries as i fell to my knees. one was mine and the other must’ve been these people’s leader cause they all stood down. i heard this one approach this time as i was focused on my new accessory. then they started to speak, well yell was more accurate, at the people.

“who fired that arrow?...... i said WHO FIRED THE ARROW?!” i looked up in time to see everyone flinch then an Miqo’te, or i guess Mystel here, raised their hand slowly. the man walked over to them and then smacked them in the face. that gauntlet probably leaves a nice mark. “I distinctly remember saying let me see what it is when you reported you found something unusual. tell me does that look like a sineater to you?”  he facepalmed then walked up to me helping me to my feet; i had already dislodged the arrow and did my best to close the wound. 

“Lovely group ya got here man. i can tell we’ll get along just fine.” he rolled his eyes and cleaned up my shotty healing job; though his wasn’t entirely perfect either, he’s no white mage.

“C’mon i’ll show you to our camp.” he held my arm as we slowly made our way to their humble home. that hurt more then it should, i feel like lead tryna hold myself upright and walk. he mustve noticed it as well since he stopped and picked me up with an inaudible grumble. there was of course pain in my thigh but it was spreading like fire in my veins. i’m embarrassed to say i blacked out while being carried. How weak this makes me look. i believe i was in and out of consciousness a few times, one was the pace was now running instead of walking, second was being taken into a house and laid on a bed, the last was several people standing over me. i’m unsure how much time was passed after that, with this eternal light and all. i sat up, pushing the handmade blanket off of me and looked around. i saw my rapier propped against the bedframe and a vacant chair at my bedside. how long was i out? “how hard have you been pushing yourself Ney? after we absolved the poison you passed out again and it’s been two days since you first came to these woods.” the voice came from the door so i looked up and saw him. 

“why is this any of your concern hm? i dont recall my mother being a Dark Knight. You shouldn’t have let me sleep that long then if you’re so concerned.” 

He let out a aggravated huff and came over, sitting backwards in the seat and staring at me. “I let you sleep that long because i was that concerned like it or not. You’re pushing yourself to exhaustion then not giving yourself enough rest before doing it all over again. you will keel over eventually Ney, i know you know this.” i dont have my other arm to cross them so i just looked away with a huff of my own. he responded by grabbing my chin and forcing me to look him in the eye. i always did find them an odd shade, never certain if they were entirely silver or slightly yellowish. “You just don’t get it do you? People are going to care about you regardless of your shoving them away.”

“It’s only because i’m-”

He actually stood up and hurled the chair at the wall, pulled me to my feet holding me by my shoulders; giving me a good shake. “FUCK THE TWELVE NEY IM NOT TALKING ABOUT THEM.” i’ve never heard someone get so passionate about someone else’s lifestyle. not even Hien gets this loud when annoyed with my self care methods. “Fuck your crystal of light, fuck the echo fuck everything you think people only care about you for. i’m talking to Ney Tswarri the Viera in front of me, not the primal slayer i hear about every other day.” i’m gonna save you the trouble and just say he yelled at me a lot more about how i need to care about myself and then a few holes in the walls and some broken furniture later he composed himself and gave me some food. i was under the impression he’d force feed me this stew so i ate it slowly. i had to eat until i was full then and only then was i allowed to make small talk with him. “It’s been five years i believe since i first came here. i’ve done what i can for these people but it’s clear a white mage would’ve been more useful.” then become a white mage is that so hard? he talks of the sineaters and a possible Lightwarden nearby according to some rumors. i was sitting during all of this so i stood then promptly fell on my face. 

“Did you really have to remove my leg as well?” i pulled myself into a sitting position and scanned the room for my leg. so you wouldn’t immediately run off and get yourself killed without proper knowledge or preparations, honestly fuck you man; it’s like you want to stay or some shit. 

“it’s also nighttime so back to bed with you.” Fray went over to the thrown chair and collected it, setting it by my bed to sit guard. Guess there’s always wait for him to fall asleep and look for the leg later. i pulled myself into bed and rolled towards the wall so he couldn’t see if i was asleep or not. “And actually sleep Ney......please.” but im not tired i literally just woke from a two day slumber. 

They don’t know the reason i dont sleep much or at all is i cant let the nightmares find me cause then there’s no chance of sleeping again. they just so happened to find me this night and i woke in a cold sweat convinced the house was on fire, tumbling outta bed. “Hey whoa there. it was a nightmare you’re fine now. see look nothing’s different then it was. you’re fine. i’m fine. there’s no fire.” so i talked in my sleep did I? we stayed seated on the floor, the blanket tangled still around my legs while i tried to calm myself back down. “i know you don’t want to but i need you to try and sleep again. it’s the middle of the night.” 

when i woke next, i can only assume it’s morning, i found we were still on the ground but we had shifted to leaning against the bed. i had been resting on a pillow placed in his lap with a blanket over me, as well as his arm resting at my chest. i guess i’m staying then, enjoy the quiet hours.