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jiilys · 7 years

Text

a love letter: my goaty turns seventeen

@deadgwen BABE. HOLY. FUCKING. SHIT. YOU'RE. SEVENTEEN. MY SESTRA MY BEAUTIFUL MY #1 GOAT AND LIFE PARTNER HAS F I N A LL Y CAUGHT UP TO ME AND I JUST !!!!!!!!!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEAUTIUFUL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MY GOAT. SEVENTEEN. AN ALMOST LEGALLY ALLOWED TO DRINK GOAT. AN ALMOST LEGAL GOAT. CAN'T BELIEVE IT. HOW WE WILL BE BADASS GOATS IF WE CAN NO LONGER DRINK UNDERAGE. THE FUCK ARE WE GUNNA DO. WHO WILL WE BE. HOW WILL BE COOL IF WE CAN'T ILLEGALLY DRINK WE’RE GUNNA HAVE TO GO BACK TO BEING N E R DS OH N O

BUT REAL TALK the birthday post u made me was 985324958320958 words and ofc I could never top u (10,000 WORD EMAIL!!!!!!!!!!!! THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!! I LITERALLY DON’T BELIEVE U!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT THE HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHO CAN DO THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! UR A LYING GOAT OK ILL HAVE TO SEE TO BELIEVE) and I'm not as good with words as u are even tho I'm meant to be the writer here u have like GIFT WITH BEIN A DRAMATIC ASSHOLE and I TRY MY BEST but I can't NEVER TOP U and I DON’T EVEN CARE BC I LOVE U SO DAMN MUCH

DEADASS. U WERE THE BEST THING THAT HAPPENED TO ME IN 2014 BC IT WAS THE WORST ASSS YEAR AND THEN!!!!!!!!! I MET YOU!!!!!!!! AND!!!! THE WORLD WAS SUCH A NICE PLACE WHEN WE TALKED AND PUT U IN MY FOLLOW FOREVER AND U DEAD ASS MESSAGED ME SAYING THANK YOU !!!!!!!!

(AND I've BEEN THINKING GOATY AND ITS STRAIGT UP AND ACT OF GOD THAT WE’RE FRIENDS LIKE THE UNIVERSE WANTED US TOGETHER BECAUSE THINK. OF. OUR. TRACK. RECORD. OF RESPONDING TO SHIT. I AM FAMOUSLY THE WORST RESPONDER OF ALL TIME LEAST WE FORGET LAST MONTH WHEN I ANSWERED 15/1000 ASKS AND THEN CALLED IT A DAY AND U HAVE 583583 ASKS ASKING U HOW U MAKE UR BOMBASS GRAPHICS AND SHIT AND I JUST!!! U MESSAGED ME!!!! THANK FUCKING GOD!!! AND THEN I RESPONDED !!!!! AND WE WERE IN LOVE!!! RIGHT THEN RIGHT THERE WE FELL IN DEADASS LOVE)

AND I REMEMBER TO THIS DAY BECAUSE WE WERE TYPING IN ALL CAPS AND I WAS LIKE !!!!!!!!!! THIS GIRL IS SO BADASS I LOVE HER SHE'S FUCKIN HILARIOUS AND WITTY AND THE BEST AND YOU SENT ME THIS MESSAGE LIKE ‘*GAME OF THRONES VOICE* WINTER IS COMING*’ AND I KNEW. I KNEW THAT U WERE MY PERSON. I KNEW. I FELT IT. MY GIRL. MY PERSON FORVER.

TO THIS FUCKIN DAY I DISTRUST ANYONE WHO DOESN’T LIKE CAPS. U HAVE ACTUALLY AFFECTED MY LITERAL PERSONALITY I USED TO START TALKING TO PEOPLE IN CAPS AND THEY WOULD RESPOND IN LOWER CASE AND I WOULD ?????????? BE LIKE ????????????? THE FUC ???????? WAT ????????????

I LOVE TYPING IN CAPS WITH YOU I LOVE HOW YOU HATE LOWER CASE AND WHEN I TURNED 16 YOU MADE ME A POWER POINT FOR MY BIRTHDAY AND IT WAS BEAUTIUFL AND I CRIED AND YOU HAVE ALWAYS JUST BEEN THE BEST GOAT AND SPEAKING OF GOAT

SHAMEFUL CONFESSION TIME: I LITERALLY HAVE NO IDEA WHY WE CALL EACH OTHER GOAT. I HAVE COMPELTLY FORGOTTEN THE ORGIN STORY LIKE. WHY. DO. WE DO THIS. ALL I REMEMBER IS #WRITECLUBBAYBAES AND CALLING EACH OTHER A FAKE HOE CONSTANTLY CAUSE WE HAD THAT FIGHT ABT WHO WAS MORE OF A FAKE HOE (OBVSLY I WON U R THE FAKEST HOE) BUT STILL. NO IDEA WHY WE ARE GOATS. I LOVE IT THOUGH. I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU. HAVE I SAID THAT YET? I LOVE YOU.

YOU ARE ALSO THE #1 REASON IM ALWAYS SENDING LIKE A ZILLION MESSAGES AT ONCE IT WAS U U DID THIS TO ME OK EVERYONE ELSE JUST SENDS LIKE TWO OR THREE BUT NOT US WE’RE SENDING 25 MESSAGES ALL IN CAPS WITH 100 EXCLAIMATION POINTS AND UN E S ESARY SP A CES LIKE HOW EXTRA CAN WE GET WE’RE THE BEST

AND THEN WE TALK MORE ABT MUSIC AND MY BBY HAS !!!!!!! THE BEST MUSIC TASTE !!!!!!!!! OF ALL TIME !!!!!! ‘ EASE’ CLEARED MY SKIN AND FEED MY CHILDREN AND THE RUN AWAY WITH ME REMIX MADE IT RAIN DURING A DROUGHT AND WINTERBREAK IS STILL THE BEST SHIT OF MY LIFE AND THE FACT THAT WE BOTH HAVE AN OBESSION WITH LOVER WHERE DO YOU LIVE IS THE BEST THING THAT’S EVER HAPPENED TO ME

SERIES OF RANDOM FACTS I KNOW ABT ANDY THAT I CAN'T FORGET AND HAVE NO OTHER USE FOR EXCEPT HERE IN LOVE LETTERS LIKE THIS:

- SHE ONCE HAD A DREAM WHERE SHE KILLED A BUNCH OF PEOPLE IN A WAREHOUSE AND THEN DESCRIBED IT TO ME IN GRAPHIC DETAIL FOR A GOOD 45 MINUTES BC SHE WAS SO HORRIFIED

- THOUGHT MALCOM TURNBULL WAS HOT AND CALLED HIM DADDY DON’T LIE ANDROMEDA I HAVE THE RECIEPTS

- SHE'S THE BEST DAMN ICE SKATER!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!! THE MOST RUSSIAN SPORT OF ALL TIME EVER AND MY BBY GIRL KILLS IT!!!!!!!!!! MY SESTRA!!!!!!!!!!!

- TAUGHT ME THE WORD SESTRA WHICH IS FITTING BC SHE IS MINE

- THREATENED TO TAKE MY MOTHER TO COURT BC SHE MADE MY SISTER RETURN A BRACELET SHE STOLE FROM THE DOCTORS WHEN SHE WAS FOUR TALK ABT EXTRA

- WON'T LET BLING BLING JIMMY STAY AT HER HOUSE

- HAS A HABIT OF MAKING TYPOS WITH J IN THEM

- SAID ZCRYING ONCE AND LIKE. IT WASN’T EVEN THE WORST TYPO EITHER ONE OF US HAS MADE BUT. STILL. NOW IT’S A MEME. OUR VERY OWN MEME. ALWAYS. I'M ZCRYING ABT IT.

- THE HEADPHONE BIT IN THE FLOWERS IN JAMES’ RIBS IS ABT HER AND HER BF AND SHE STILL ISNT OVER IT LIKE SHE BRINGS IT UP TO THIS DAY AND I JUST !!!!!!!!!! LOVE HER !!!!!!!!!! SO FUCKING MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!

- CAN'T STAND HEARING LYKKE LY WHICH IS A SHAME BECAUSE I’LL I’LL FOLLOW YOU. I’LL FOLLOW YOU D E E P S E A B A B Y

- I WOULD FOLLOW HER DEEP SEA BABY

- I TOLD HER IF SHE WAS A ROOM SHE’D BE A DINGY FLAT BATHROOM BUT I LIED. SHE WOULD BE THE FUCKING CHANDELLER HALLWAY FROM THOSE OLD MOVIES THAT HAVE THE HUGE STAIR CASE LIKE SOME GONE WITH THE WIND SHIT HONESTLY THE MOST DECADENT AND BEAUTIFUL AND BEST ROOM THE ROOM THAT EVERYONE WANTS TO BE IN ALL THEIR LIFE

- WE USED TO SEND FANMAILS ALL THE TIME AND WE WERE BOTH SO SALTY THAT TUMBLR STOPPED FANMAIL AND SHE DOWNLOADED THIS SPEICAIL EXTENTION SO WE COULD FANMAIL IT WAS A MESS CAN U BELIEVE 15 YEAR OLD US

- DIDN’T KNOW WHAT SHOT MEANT UNTIL I TOLD HER

- IS ALWAYS SAYING SHE'S GOING TO CATCH UP ON TEEN WOLF AND THEN NEVER DOES

- HATES THE WORD SMOL BECAUSE SHE IS S M O L

- WAS FORCED TO DRIVE BACK TO AUCKLAND FOR NEW YEARS IN HER BIKINI BC HER FRIEND GOT THE SQUAD IN THE CAR AND #GAPPED IT AND TO THIS DAY I AM LAUGHING

- MADE FUN OF MY OBESSESSION WITH FLOWERS BUT I DON’T CARE ILL STILL BUY THEM FOR HER BC THAT’S HOW DEEP MY LOVE IS

- GOT HER BF A FUCKIN DOG FOR HIS BIRTHDAY LIKE THE FUCK GOATY HE DOESN’T DESERVE U HAZZA ISNT GOOD ENOUGH FOR U YOU ARE ART

- IS ALWAYS SAYING ‘DO NOT DIE’ LIKE I COULD SAY ‘I'M GETTING FOOD’ AND YOU WOULD SAY ‘OKAY GOAT DO NOT DIE’

- RECOMMENED ME THE BEST SONG OF ALL TIME ANTHEMS FOR A SEVETEEN YEAR OLD BECAUSE

PARK THAT CAR

DROP THAT PHONE

SLEEP ON THE FLOOR

D R E A M A B O U T M E

(I WAS JUST GOING THOUGH OUR OLD FANMAILS AND I JUST FOUND THIS ONE U SENT THAT JUST SAYS ‘*ANGIRLY EATS TRAIN*’ AND LIKE. SAME)

AND NOW WE EMAIL AND ITS JUST THE BEST THING IN THE WORLD I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I LOVE OUR EMAILS I LOVE HOW THEY'RE SO EXTRA AND LONG AND HOW WE’RE ALWAYS RECING MUSIC AND SCREAMING ABOUT SHERLOCK OR TEEN WOLF OR SKAM (OUR SKAM CHAT IS THE FUCKIN BEST IN THE WORLD EVER U R SO SMART U ARE THE SMARTEST PERSON IN THE WORLD TO THIS DAY I THINK ABT WHAT YOU SAID ABOUT WILLIAM AND I DIE. UR SO SMART. THE SMARTEST AND THE BEST) AND I HAVE WAITED 34857239857 YEARS FOR UR MOST RECENT EMAIL BUT I DON’T CARE I WILL WALK THROUGH HELL FOR UR EMAILS AND I HAVE ALL MINE SAVED ON MY COMPUTER IN A FOLDER BC THEY TAKE D A YS TO TYPE AND THEY'RE LIKE DIARY ENTRIES AND I HAVE URS IN MY INBOX ALWAYS BECAUSE WE’RE SUCH ASSHOLES™(COPYRIGHT JONAH FUCKIN GRIGGS) AND I CAN NEVER GET ENOUGH OF US

THE WORST PART ABT BEIN FRIEND WITH U HANDS DOWN IS THAT U NEVER. SHOW. UR. DAMN FACE LIKE EVER I GET NO SELFIES I GET NO SNAPCHATS THAT DON’T HAVE FILTERS ON THEM AND ITS SO DAMN ANNOYING BECAUSE YOU'RE!!!!!!!! THE MOST BEAUTIUFUL !!!!!!!!!! PERSN !!!!!!!!!!!! I'VE EVER SEEN !!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOOK HOW BAD MY SPELLING IS AND U KNOW WHY????????? ITS BC I'M THINK ABT UR FACE AND ITS DISTRACTING ME

HERE IS THE THING: UR HAIR IS A LIKE A DAMN WATERFALL. STRIAIGHT AS A RULER AND JUST LIKE. FLOWING. A GOLDEN/BRUENETTE RIVER. LIKE SPUN GOLD. BEAUTIUFUL. INTOXICATING. THE MOST. SUBLIME THING. IN. THE. WORLD. WHEN I SEE UR HAIR I LITERALLY FALL DOWN STAIRS AND HAVE TO LIE DOWN FOR HOURS AFTER LIKE. DEADASS. EVEN IF THERE ARE NO STAIRS AROUND I FALL INTO THE PIT OF HELL KNOWING THAT UR HAIR WILL CATCH ME. I TRUST UR DAMN HAIR. THAT RIVER OF GOODNESS WOULD NEVER LET ANYTHING HAPPEN TO ME.

UR. FCUKIN. CHEEKBONES. LIKE. HOW THE FUCK ARE THEY FITTIN UNDER UR SKIN HOW IS UR SKIN NOT RIPPED THE FUCK UP FROM KEEPING THOSE BAD BOYS UNDER THERE LIKE !!!!!!! THEY'RE SO SHARP!!!!!!!!! I LOOK AT THEM AND MY EYEBALLS ARE LIKE ?????????? THE FUC HOW DO THEY WORK HOW ARE THEY LIKE THAT THEY'RE LIKE KNIVES I FEEL U N S A F E LOOKIN AT UR CHEEKBONES BC THEY COULD DEADASS KILL ME AND THE ONLY THING THAT WOULD PROTECT ME WOULD BE UR BEAUTIFUL HOT AMAZING LIFE SAVING HAIR.

AND THEN. THE ACCENT CHALLENGE. WHERE DO I EVEN BEGIN. ALL OF IT WAS ART. UR FEAR OF THE PIPES. RAMBLING ABT THE ORDER OF PHOENIX FOR 8 MINUTES. THE WAY U SAY PHOENIX LITERALLY HAD ME ON MY KNEES PRAYIN TO JESUS FOR STRENGTH. CARAMEL. REMOTE. CAROLIN. IM STRAIGHT UP.

*ROLLS OFF BED AND ONTO FLOOR*

*STARTS SCREAMING* *ALL THE WINDOWS SHATTER* *I AM COVERED IN GLASS* *I AM BLASTING DESTINY’S CHILD’S ICONIC CLASSIC ‘SAY MY NAME’ BECAUSE ALL I EVER WANT TO HEAR IS U SAYING MY NAME LIKE I CAN LITERALLY DIE HAPPY IF I CAN HEAR U SAYING MY NAME I WANT IT PLAYED AT MY FUNERAL AND WHEN I SLEEP AND WHEN I'm WALKING TO THE BUS AND WHEN I DO ANYTHING IN THE WORLD EVER I LOVE IT I LOVE CAROLIN IF I DON’T GET AT LEAST 8 SNAPCHAT VIDEOS PER DAY OF U SAYING CAROLIN I WILL STAB MYSELF WITH ONE OF BLING BLING JIMMYS BLINGS*

I can't express how much I love ur voice like. its so sharp. Like a knife or a broken bone or a needle. Clear. Like glass or a pool of water or the sky with no clouds. A masterpiece. Most of the time when people say someone voice is cutting they mean it in a harsh way but I don’t because. Your voice. I could hear your voice under water it’s that sharp. I could hear your voice through concrete. I could hear your voice if you were at a taylor swift concert and I was in an abandoned supermarket. it can cut through that much space. my andy with the worlds best voice. Of course. Of course.

For real though: happy fucking birthday my angel. You're one of my favourite people in the world. I can never get sick of you because you always make me laugh. I love you. I love you. I love you. I've said that a million times but I don’t care because I really, really do.

#I SWEAR IM WRITING U A THINK OK ITS HAPPENING GIVE ME A WEEK OR TWO AND U WILL HAVE IT OK TRUST ME #DEADGWEN #I LOVE MY GOATY SO MUCH HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANGEL ID DIE FOR U #ANDY #PISS OFF CAROLINE #YES THIS A DAMN LOVE LETTER BECAUSE I L O VE Y O U

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