What happens when you give me three days to draw whatever I please

obligatory retrospection, 2018

2018, what a mixed bag. It feels like it lasted an eternity. Did I really go to Okinawa in February? My first months in New Zealand feel like a vague and unpleasant dream. I definitely did not cope well with leaving Taiwan, which I had come to love dearly. I had a lot of setbacks in terms of mental health, and had to stop drinking and smoking weed entirely. Even coffee was off limits as I attempted to salvage my sanity, which was probably only achieved by traveling over the summer and seeing my friends again, although that too feels like a lifetime ago now. Back in New Zealand, I waited for my road-tripping friend, and (naively? optimistically?) assured him I’d be fine after he left, hahaha. Despite living on some travel magazine’s #5 rated island in the world , I’ve managed to forge an isolated life consisting of not walking in front of a truck  to and from work, laying in bed, and occasionally buying more bananas and oatmeal. This is not ideal. I put in my notice at work today. Kickin’ off the new year by quitting my job, huzzah! This one’s gonna be bitchin’, I can tell. Anyways. I feel like 2018 was a sharp and sometimes painful thing, but in this way it also cut a path towards true desires and a way forward. Insert something regarding that Cheshire cat quote about how if you don’t know where you want to go, it doesn’t matter which path you choose. I suppose now I know which one I want. 

Goals from 2018, mostly achieved! (wow)  -Get my savings account back on track It’s not quite as much as I’d hoped but after the next couple paychecks I’ll be happy enough -Maintain if not improve my current level of Mandarin I got so many hours of listening practice watching hundreds of episodes of Chinese TV shows, my brain will never be the same. Also started reading 漫畫． -Go somewhere with great stars at night Yeah, Onetangi beach wasn’t bad -Apply for opportunities even if I’m not confident I’m qualified  I did apply to that IELTS training job in Taipei (even if they never got back to me about when to come in for the interview)...and for the NZ visa even though I did NOT have the recommended savings... -Reduce my current belongings to one duffel bag and a backpack (not one suitcase, one duffel bag, a backpack, and a tote bag full of 10 kg of books) I AM CROSSING THIS OFF BECAUSE IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN -Stop lying to myself that drinking caffeinated beverages of any kind won’t make me feel like my internal organs are home to a dozen rabid ferrets for the next 8 hours while a sense of overwhelming irrational panic washes over me on repeat I religiously drink hot chocolate at work now and everyone knows it  -Engage in more platonic physical intimacy with other humans (or at least admit I need hugs) Check. Very much a check.  -Be…open…to…romance…???…!!!…??? (clearly I’m not too sure about this one)  On one hand I backed out hard when a friend I had undecided feelings for offered to take me up the mountain at night by scooter to see the city lights our last time together in Taipei, on the other hand I have discovered that there are many ways to love and be intimate with your friends that would be considered romantic by the casual observer even if neither party involved has any plans to kiss or fuck at any point (which seems to be, in the end, the only differentiating factor).  -Go to the sauna/hot springs My Taipei hostel boss took my coworker and I to Beitou for a holiday treat. She refused to be naked in front of us, and said that if she was going to the public baths, we had to get a private room, and vice versa, so that we would not cross paths. It turned out that one person couldn’t have their own private room anyways, for safety purposes. My coworker and I ended up sharing a tub. I’m an exhibitionist, he wouldn’t take off his underwear, but it worked out. The hot spring water was divine.  -Experiment with anxiety reduction techniques/chill the fuck out a bit ~ If anything I feel like I’ve gotten less chill and become extremely anal about anything involving dishes, soap, or cleaning. I am trying to return to a center of serene, supreme apathy. It’s going to take a while. 

Goals from 2015 /2016/2017 yet to be achieved: -Travel more in Ukraine ~ it’s gonna happen this summer, I swear -Learn to white water kayak ~ ...uh...not likely in the near future -Learn A2 Arabic ~ And yet somehow I’ve started learning Russian instead? -Learn how to do graffiti/street art This one I actually did, once I toned down my ambitions from murals to hand-printed stickers, which a friend put up for me in several cities around the world, so I feel “published”, as it were! -Set up a way to distribute my zine project Okay, I’m halfway there on this, I finally paid a guy who had access to some of the hard copies (three of them are missing) to scan them for me so I have digital copies, and had an interesting chat with someone about distributing them in coffee shops (yet to be acted on since I no longer have the hard copies) -Actively work on my French speaking/listening skills ~ does being exposed to Rick & Morty in French by a bunch of obnoxious backpackers in the hostel common room count... -Go to Xinjiang ~ ...uh...nah. So close and yet so far. 

Goals for 2019 - Make it to Australia and buy a car when I get there - Turn 30 in a country I haven’t visited yet - Keep improving my Russian  - Keep improving my Chinese - Finish the stream-of-consciousness autobiographical graphic novel I’ve started drawing - Start HRT - Do more linocut printing - Share less of my precious bodily fluids with parasitic insects (goddamn these fleas)