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saltygilmores · 1 year

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Thoughts While Watching Gilmore Girls, Season 2, Episode 13 ("A Tisket A Tasket") Part 5, I Give Up

Just for funsies here's Jess calling Dean an idiot and Idiot admitting it.

Before I continued to slog through this absolutely mind numbing DALA (Dean and Lorelai Affair) episode, I uttered 6 words that I hope won't come back to bite me in the ass: "This can't possibly get any worse." Ahahahahahaha. There are 14 minutes left in the episode. I'm fucked. I've been on this one way too long and I'm determined to finish this. I'm just going to enjoy this Literati on a Bridge break. I'm going to my happy place where Dean doesn't exist and Rory is an orphan because Lorelai (and Chrisopher) don't exist and every episode is just 45 minutes of this.

"I'm so much happier here." R: "Why were you screwing with Dean an hour ago but you're suddenly being nice to me?" J: "Well it's the screwing with Dean that's an important step to getting here so I could be nice to you."

Ugh he took the fucking Quarter On A String so now I have to suffer through that fucking Lost and Found episode. God damn it Mariano! Why are the pretty ones always so dumb?

Did I mention that he is so pretty. I'm legally obligated to say that at least twice per Jess Episode. After Rory and Jess part ways, we cut to Rory returning home with a bag from the bookstore and Lorelai immediately shifts full gear into Weirdly Suspicious & Passive Aggressive Mode. When Rory admits she visited a bookstore and had a slice of pizza with Jess (oh the horror!) then goes to her room, Lorelai immediately shuffles her passive aggressive, suspicious little feet right in after her. 90% of the time that Lorelai and Rory meet to talk on their couch after Rory has just departed from the company of Dean or Jess, especially at night or at the end of the episode, it means Lorelai is about to dish out some horrible, horrible wisdom/life coaching. The Couch is where we have witnessed many classic mother-daughter bonding moments, such as the time Lorelai asked Rory to make sure Jess got his rabies shots before she slept with him. Ah, the couch.

Mmmm yep. *collects money*

SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGH. Here we go. I think it was the great Michael Scott who once said, Why are you the way you are? Honestly, every time I try to enjoy something fun or exciting, you make it...not that. I hate so much about the things that you choose to be.

Ya know, I stan Rory more and more lately with how she stands up for Jess. Sorry your mom's a bitch. How many more tmes I can rant into The Void about Lorelai's unhealthy grudge with Jess? How many more times can I point out that Lorelai has only had one prolonged interaction with Jess, while she's known Dean twice as long and he's been rude and used a condescending tone of voice with her many times, including the first time they met (on Willy Wonka night) and it literally just happened again moments ago. It's just mindblowing to me how she will not let this FUCKING GO and SIXTEEN years later in AYITL when she is married to his uncle she is STILL making digs at him over him being rude to her when he was 17, joking about how he should have a baseball thrown at his head.

I honestly don't think I could love Rory Gilmore more at this point. Bless her rationality and sweet heart and cute rose sweater that looks like a swirl of that strawberry icing you squeeze over instant oatmeal. Are you witnessing a historical moment right now? The birth of a Rory Stan? Sort of. It won't last forever, but since I won't go past season 4 anymore, then yes.

The "things she's seen and heard" are just her regurgitating what Dean told her 5 minutes ago. LOL. She just took this kid's word as gospel, without even questioning it. The DALA is so fucked up, man! Lorelai is way too concerned with the lives of teenage boys! If Dean told Lorelai to jump off a bridge would she do it?

I really wish this were my gritty unrated Gilmore Girls spinoff titled The Hollow because I would have someone on this show actually acknowledge that Jess is honestly something of a miracle. His father abandoned him as a newborn, he had a tumultuous, negligent, inconsistent, possibly even abusive upbringing. His mother drank while she was pregnant with him. He grew up watching unsavory men in his mother's life circle in and out like a revolving door (according to Liz The Worst, one of them even died). Yet he doesn't turn to any real crime, drugs, alcohol, or even sex (okay, well bless his heart he tries there but people seem to cockblock him at every turn). HE SKIPS SCHOOL TO WORK AT WALMART. In real life kids like that are really lucky if the worst path they go down after that kind of chilhood merely involves them stealing loose change from an old fucknugget like Taylor Doose who deserves to be stolen from anyway. That bridge should have been fixed 10 years ago. Here's some of the train wreck. There were no survivors.

If Dean needs someone to talk to that badly he can get a diary or a dog or a sock puppet or like, one fucking friend his own age. I think half of the issues of this show could be solved if these people had more friends. Can't Taylor Doose swing some kind of town wide Bid-A-Friend Auction? Or emotional support animals?

Sure but like, did you ever stop to think that you and Dean are actually his only "enemies" and it's completely one sided because he couldn't care less about you, and also, your enemy is a 17 year old boy and you're a full grown adult lmao. Crazy lady. I wonder how Jess feels knowing he's the most exciting thing that's ever happened to a town full of boring nobodies who will go nowhere and do nothing while he will eventually makes millions of dollars from his best selling novels that get turned into blockbuster movies. Maybe someone will even make a movie about his life. I'm going to think about who could play Milo/Jess in a movie about himself while Lorelai yammers on and remains in denial about how insane she is. What do you think? Lorelai says Rory is "So young and naive, so nice and gives everyone a chance"; what she's really saying is "Jess doesn't deserve a chance, not even from you." I stoppped watching at this point and only skimmed a few more seconds. I saw that Rory stormed off, Lorelai and Rory fight over it at FND, Emily is confused, Lorelai says "I didn't like Dean at first because I didn't know him, I don't like Jess because I know him." You know what, there are times when this show starts to get my under my skin so much that I’m just not enjoying it and there’s no point in finishing the episode. In conclusion, Lorelai sucks and ruins everything and my number one Hill To Die On will continue being that Dean and Lorelai are sleeping together because there is no other logical explanation possible for why she talks about him like this. Goodnight!

Edit: guys, sorry that I was so enraged with Lorelai The Worst that I managed to gloss over the fact that Rory and Jess went on a Book Shopping and Pizza PRE-DATE 😍😍😍😍 THEIR FIRST ONE!

In my Gilmore Girls spinoff The Hollow we would see every minute of every Pizza and Book date and pre-date I promise you this 🥰 No skimping!

#gilmore girls #denise rewatches gilmore girls #gilmore girls season 2 #a tisket a tasket #a-tisket a-tasket #literati #rory gilmore #jess mariano #Lorelai Gilmore #ARRRRRGHHH #RAGE #BUT A PRE DATE #I CANT WAIT FOR THEIR HOT DOGS AND RECORD SHOPPING PRE-DATE

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