Okay, went through the spoilers that our bravest soldiers here brought us back from hell and I will once again not watch this week's episode. No hate on the series here though.

Don't get me wrong, it sounds as emotional and heart wrenching as everything we got since what, ep 5 ? But I only loved it so far (I mean as far as I got, which is the lousy score of ep 8) because I had hope. Not necessarily of Non being alive at first, although that theory grew on me over time, but at least of him getting... Justice ? Revenge ? I wanted him to at least have mattered so, so much. I know, I'm a bit naive, but I can't help it.

Things did somehow go that way with New. My baby boy New. But I'm not sure, as in 'pretty convinced otherwise', that he will get his way. One, because he's pinned against Phee and Phee is, all my hopeful theories be damned, a hero. He embodies the usual 'we need to move on, Non would want us to', and all I have to say is that what Non would have wanted doesn't fucking matter if he's dead. Nada. Nothing. And that he might have wanted some people dead anyway. Two, as I mentioned in another post, characters like New and Non who've hit rock bottom virtually never get to heal in fiction and only reach peace through death, if at all. Same as characters like Tee only achieve peace and redemption through romantic love.

Then it did become about Non being alive, and getting what he wanted, whatever that might have been. Mass slaughter, chaos, escaping to sip mojitos under the sun, whatever, really. No, it wouldn't be realistic ; also no, I don't give a damn. Victims and mentally ill people suffer and die, people who lost everything never get them back, people grieve a while and move on, it's bleak, it's sad, that's the way of the world, I know. But.

I know some will argue that I should have expected it, but I got invested before I could really expect shit.

I'm not saying the decisions are bad (except some gaping plot holes and plot armors made out of the sturdiest scenarium) ; they work, the series work, it's fine. It will probably end up not being for me is all. I don't want to stick to funny romcoms either, I just want a harsh series that gives me hope without surrounding it with cheesy butterflies fluttering their wings in the most forced and unsatisfactory way. DFF seems to have pinned dead butterflies on it though. I want a middle ground.

They could still throw a twist in episode 12, but I don't think it's very likely since they also have to wrap things up nicely. There's enough of a mess to clean up as is (I mean the mess they're in, not the show). I'll read whatever you folks will post about ep 12 next week since I need closure either way, but yeah. I mayhaps shouldn't have watched it. Guess we'll see in seven days. Or you'll see, I'll peek over your shoulder like a goblin.