#He's certain he wouldn't be able to do any of this without Rael | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

avirael · 7 months

Text

Never Go Back

“You’ll have to go alone.”, A’viloh stated like it was a simple fact.

“Excuse me??”, Rael retorted though they had understood him perfectly fine.

Ashamed A’viloh lowered his eyes. “I cannot go to the Forgotten Springs. I’m sorry but I just cannot…”

Rael squinted at him. They knew the Miqo’te good enough by now to notice that something was bothering him. “Why?”, they simply asked and hoped that they didn’t have to pry that information out of him.

The Viera’s stern look made A’viloh fold or maybe he had simply understood by now that he could confide in Rael no matter what it was.

“You remember how I told you that Laqa and me lived in Little Ala Mhigo for a while, right?”

“I’m not amnesic, A’vi.”, Rael answered before picking up on where this was going. „What does this place have to do with it?“

“We grew up at the Forgotten Springs.” A’viloh just said and then looked away again. “And we did not exactly part on good terms. Laqa was their leader‘s son and they don’t know what happened to him…”

Rael raised a brow. “Don’t you think they deserve to know that?…”

“Of course, but…”, A’viloh started but his voice trailed off.

“But??”, Rael repeated insistently.

The Miqo’te glimpsed at them. “But I was the reason he left.”

Rael sighed deeply. “Okay… but this doesn’t change that they deserve to know...”

“I feared you would say something like that…”, A‘viloh said with a dark expression on his face.

“You don’t owe them all the details, A‘vi. Just U‘laqa‘s fate… And I‘ll stay with you the whole time if you wish so.“, Rael reached out to him and put a hand on his shoulder.

A’viloh nodded slowly. “I know…but they’ll blame me for it. Then U‘odh will never help us…“

“Maybe…“, Rael shrugged. “But then we’ll find another way.“

For a while neither of them said anything, A‘viloh thinking about what might happen and Rael waiting for his approval.

“Alright?“, the Viera finally asked.

A little fearful A‘viloh looked up to them, before he put on a brave face and nodded. “Alright.“

So it happened that both of them first traveled back to Ul‘dah and from there to the Forgotten Springs, since Rael had never been there before.

It was very different from their last visit to Southern Thanalan. The return to Little Ala Mhigo had caused regret but mostly melancholy in A’viloh, a great longing to the past and the way his life had been.

However seeing the Forgotten Springs, the place where he grew up, his home, again for the first time in more than three years made his stomach turn. He had loved this place and it’s people and he still did. But returning here now, alone, without Laqa, made him feel nothing but shame. How could he possible look them in the eyes and tell them what happened? Why should they not just chase him away immediately?

It was around noon when they arrived and as they walked into the town A‘viloh could feel the eyes of the bystanders on him. A lot of them had just been curious about the unexpected arrival of two strangers but some had probably recognised him at least at second glance.

“It’s a beautiful place.“, Rael noted as they looked around and A‘viloh nodded in agreement. “It is.“

They paused at the Aetheryte for a moment so Rael could attune to it, when A‘viloh noticed a familiar face from the corner of his eye. He tried to stay inconspicuous but as the other Miqo’te stepped closer to see who the new visitors were, their eyes met.

“A’vi?“, the other one asked with a friendly tone. Reluctantly A‘vi looked up and forced himself to smile at his boyfriend’s younger brother. “Hello, U’tykha.“

U‘tykha had always been a warm and friendly person. While most of the other kids in town had mostly been friends with Laqa and hadn’t spent more time than strictly necessary talking to someone as unremarkable as A‘viloh, U‘tykha had always been a good friend to him. He had changed a little since A‘viloh had seen him last, he was taller now and an unfamiliar scar ran over his right eye but he still greeted A‘viloh with a wide smile like nothing had ever happened.

“A‘vi! Is it truly you?“, he asked and embraced his childhood friend in a tight hug which A‘viloh returned hesitantly. “What a nice surprise to see you again! You look so different! How are you? Who is your companion?“

He ignored the first question and instead proceeded to introduce Rael. The two of them shook hands, introduced each other and Rael complimented their settlement. Then U‘tykha returned his attention to A‘viloh and asked the question he had dreaded all this time.

“Is Laqa here too?“

A’viloh’s face froze and then shattered to a horrified grimace. He shrinked back and the pained expression on his face said more than any words could. “No… He…Laqa is…“, A‘viloh struggled. “I…I am sorry, U‘tykha…“

Now U’tykha‘s amiable smile slowly slipped and turned into shock. “No… that can’t be true. My brother can’t be dead…?“

To see him struggle with that information, the shock making place for pain and grief as realisation set in, made A‘viloh feel nauseous.

„I am so sorry…“, he repeated and against his will tears started to run down his face.

U’tykha visibly fought with himself too, his voice strange and hoarse as he finally spoke again. “Let us sit down, please. You have to tell me everything…“

With a gesture he led them to one of the houses at the side of town. Only a woman was there, working on some gear, but U‘tykha send her away in a friendly manner.

“Should I leave you alone too?“, Rael asked unsure what to do or say but A‘viloh pleaded for them stay. U’tykha offered them something to drink and they sat down to talk.

At first A‘viloh struggled, not knowing what to say or where to begin at all. But once U‘tykha had suggested to start from the very beginning everything got a little easier. For Rael’s sake A‘viloh began with a few facts about their early life at the Forgotten Springs, how he got there and how him, Laqa and Thyka had grown up together. Then the dispute that had made them leave, all things U‘tykha knew while Rael didn’t. The easy part.

“Why did you keep it a secret for so long anyway?“, U‘tykha asked.

“I was scared. You know how Laqa was, everybody loved him. Me on the other hand? I was more of a burden than use to you all. I feared U‘odh was already planning to send me away the way things were. But this place was my home, Thyka, you people were my family. I was so scared to loose all of that. And when Laqa agreed that your father would likely be angry if he knew, we decided to keep it a secret until the moment was better but of course that moment never came…“

U‘tykha shook his head and couldn’t help but smile a little. “But A‘vi, I wasn’t much better at fighting and hunting than you back then. We all looked like failures compared to Laqa and Khuba…“

That didn’t convince A‘viloh though. “You were three years younger than me and you weren’t some kid from another tribe U‘odh only had tolerated for so long due his beloved wife’s pleading…“

“Maybe…“, the white-haired Miqo’te pondered. “But in retrospect it‘s so weird that no one noticed earlier. If I remember these years now, everybody with their eyes working should have seen that the two of you were in love. Really, it shouldn’t have surprised anyone at all…“

A’viloh laughed weakly. “Well, it took us long enough to figure it out ourselves…“

A moment they stayed silent, both of them clinging to their memories of better times. Finally U‘tykha took a deep breath and dared to ask: „So, what happened to my brother?“

Then he got to the bits of his story that were news to U‘tykha and that A‘viloh feared to talk about. But with Rael by his side and a sympathetic listener as Thyka it turned out less horrible than he imagined. To his own surprise he managed to tell the whole story up to the point of Laqa‘s death without much trouble.

“I wish it wasn’t true but that’s what happened to him.“, A‘viloh finished his story with glazed eyes but bravely holding back more tears. “I would understand if you are angry with me now or if you want me to leave.“

“Angry?“, U‘tykha, who had silently listened with a more and more horrified expression on his face. “Are you mad? Why would I be angry with you? It wasn’t you who did that to him!“

“But it was my fault what happened to him…“, A‘vi repeated but U‘tykha shook his head. “No, it wasn’t. You didn’t do this to him. I don’t blame you, A‘vi, and neither should you.“

For a moment A‘viloh stared at him speechless, still silently disagreeing until the other Miqo’te asked: “What about you?“

“Me?“, A’viloh asked in confusion.

“Yes, you. If you were captured, how are you here now?“, U‘tykha repeated and reached across the table to take his hand. “One look at you right now is enough to see that you’re unwell. My brother is gone, I cannot help him anymore. But your as much my brother as he was, related by blood or not, and I care about your wellbeing.“

Shocked A‘viloh stared at him and finally the tears overwhelmed him. For another long hour they spoke. A’viloh didn’t mention all of the horrible details or terrible thoughts that had crossed his mind but enough so U‘tykha understood.

After A’viloh’s story was finished, U‘tykha fixed his gaze on the tabletop with a gloomy expression on his face. “I‘m so sorry A‘vi. Can you ever forgive us after all of this?“

Puzzled A‘vi looked up. “Forgive you? For what?“

Slowly the white-haired Miqo’te raised his head and looked him in the eyes. “You suffered so much. We were your family, we should have protected you instead of driving you away. All of this just because father was so stubborn…“

A’viloh couldn’t help but scoff at that. “Stubborn? You say that like it was just a bad mood but U‘odh made quite clear what he thought of me…“

With an apologetic look on his face U’tykha slowly nodded. “His words were harsh but make no mistake, A‘vi. I know he will say otherwise but he regretted them the very moment you two left. Parting this way with his most beloved son hurt him deeply, but you know him well enough to know that he would never show it. So he went on like your argument never happened, like neither of you ever existed. Asked about it he would say that Laqa would soon realise his mistake and return home but I don’t think he ever believed that himself. He knew he had gone to far with his words, and such insult Laqa would not easily forgive. He was too much his fathers son for that…“

To hear him say that made A‘viloh angry. Not at Thyka. He wasn’t even sure if he had any right to be angry at U‘odh, since he had never disagreed with the nuhn‘s assessment of himself. But the idea that all of this would have been avoidable if he just had been better….

For a moment A‘viloh struggled to find an answer but in the end he just shook his head remembering something Rael had told him.

“It doesn’t matter anymore. What’s done is done… Just know that I never blamed you for any of it.“ A‘viloh felt like it was a cruel thing to say, it gave all of it such a sense of finality. But then again death was final and no one could give him back everything he lost.

U‘tykha nodded and a pained silence settled between them. Just when it started to become uncomfortable Rael spoke up. „I don’t want to seem tactless, but the news of your brother wasn’t the only reason that brought us here.“

With a few precise sentences Rael summarised their work with the Scions and the last few weeks of their journey, before stating what they were looking for.

Knowingly U‘tykha nodded. “Ah, Wellwick worm meat… Your reasoning seems important enough and since A‘viloh is basically family I don’t see any reason not to help you. But you know, I don’t make the rules here. You‘ll have to speak to father even though I can understand if you‘d rather not.“

“No, it’s fine.“, A’viloh said plainly. “I didn’t expect to be able to spare myself that conversation. I just fear he will be less sympathetic than you…“

The other Miqo’te shrugged. “I wouldn’t be surprised if he just treats you like a stranger. He doesn’t know what happened yet and he will not show any weakness towards you and ask about it. He‘d have to admit that he cares to do that… If I‘m right, please let me tell him the truth. I don’t know how he will react but I think it’s safer if it’s not you who delivers the bad news.“

A‘viloh wasn’t sure if this was the right course of action but he was more than grateful for Thyka‘s offer. Having to talk about all of this once had been depressing enough, he couldn’t imagine having this conversation a second time today and on top of that with someone who‘s reaction he was terribly afraid of. Speaking to him at all would take more courage than he probably possessed…

Rael seemed to feel his doubt. Reassuringly they grabbed his hands. “You can do this A‘vi. I‘m right here with you and we will find a way no matter what happens. Take that anger and make it your shield. Show him that you are not the same person you were back then. You are stronger than he thinks, stronger even than you think yourself.“

Weakly A‘viloh smiled at the Viera. He didn’t understand were all of their confidence in him came from but their words gave him strength. „Alright, let’s go.“

#ffxiv #final fantasy xiv #ff14 #final fantasy 14 #ffxiv writing #ff14 screenshots #ffxiv screenshots #ffxiv gpose #gpose #Aviloh Tia #Rael Hyskaris #forgotten springs #sometimes my writing just doesn't do what I want #the title is inspired by the song with the same name by evanescence #I have a playlist with songs that remind me of my characters and I will maybe sometimes post some of them...#like A'vi always has been an insecure person but after everything he's been through he's extremely fearful about pretty much everything #just ignoring all of it seems so much easier because talking about it makes it feel real #and now he's forced to come to terms with all of it and “relearn” how to trust people and himself #which is especially difficult because he never had much self-confidence to begin with...#He's certain he wouldn't be able to do any of this without Rael #ffxiv scenery

11 notes · View notes