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guqin-and-flute · 3 years

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Lan Xichen Episode 42 ✨Face Journeys✨

karetahana said: Listen. i am here literally asking for the analysis if you feel like doing 🤩

OH, WELL IF YOU INSIST *turns with a lovingly embossed binder full of Xichen pictures* This is sincerely self indulgent and long as absolute fuck, just a warning. Bold is a direct quote from the show (Youtube/Netflix)

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OKAY. Episode 42. We start at 30:20, Lan Wangji is sitting next to Wei Wuxian who is convalescing on Lan Wangji’s bed back at the Cloud Recesses after having been stabbed (bummer) during a disaster of a recon mission that landed not only him and Wangji in hot water with everyone (double bummer), but Xichen as well for demanding entry to Jin Guangyao’s secret room (triple bummer). Wuxian is worried about being back in the Cloud Recesses-- “What if your brother finds out?” Enter Xichen, rocking up to the conversation with a fucking joke; “I found out already.” Letting him sweat a little, but as he sounds pretty calm, it’s mostly a ‘it’s hilarious that you think that I wouldn’t know about this, dude.’ (Bro, how are you so chill? How are you so good?)

They get up and bow as he strolls in. Wuxian apologizes for existing here, in his mountain and stuff. Xichen shakes his head with amused fondness;

and hits them both with this smile that reaches his eyes and says ‘Nah, son, that was me. You can live here while they search for you ‘cause I’m nice and I like you.’

Genuine, comforting, and warm. ‘Glad to have you here, Wuxian.’

WWX and LWJ exchange a look--probably WWX asking for confirmation, LWJ giving it. Then, with zero further ado, WWX jumps right in with “Where’s Chifeng-zun’s body?”

Surprise. Looks like they’re jumping right into it (and I don’t know if Xichen notes this, but I certainly do--with no ‘thank you’ or ‘sorry about that, kinda awkward for everyone’ or pre-emptive offered explanation as to what the fuck went down yesterday at JinLinTai.)

That pain has resurfaced recently and is not easily hidden away. This topic is upsetting.

He turns his back, walks away as he tells them that the body is safe and with Huaisang. He’s not sure he can control what’s going on on his face when it comes to what happened to Da-ge. His eyes move around a lot as he says this--he’s still thinking.

WWX: What was Jin Guangyao’s reaction?

LWJ: [slightly bitter] Flawless

At this, Xichen turns back, face under control. (Liebing is in between them, now. Subconsciously defensive?)

He looks between both of them as he speaks and these smiles don’t quite reach his eyes like the first ones. His chin dips down in firmness, his eyebrows are raised in what I personally would interpret as ‘leading expectance.’ The point of this visit is incoming.

LWJ knows that tone, even if WWX doesn’t.

Looking at WWX, he’s smiling, but still doesn’t quite meet his eyes. There’s something more than just fondness there. “Now that Wei-gongzi is awake...” [pause]

Looks to Wangji. Abruptly, there is more to his expression--less masking, more intent in his eyes. This is serious and he is being earnest. ‘Don’t you think you owe me something of an explanation for how nothing you both said was proven after I publicly threw my lot in with you without question and demanded Jin Guangyao open his secret room? And then his wife died inexplicably? And then you fought your way out? And I told you to bring WWX back on good faith because we both care about him and I know what he means to you?’ (Have I mentioned yet how chill Xichen is? And how great?)

LWJ: [slightest of head bows, no expression change] Brother.

Now, I don’t quite know what this is supposed to mean, but Xichen sure does and his reaction makes me think it’s some sort of younger brother sass that he’s used to.

Fond exasperation and some warmth back in his expression. A sigh and an affectionately despairing ‘what am I going to do with you?’ But he’s still waiting.

LWJ: Brother. Jin Guangyao does indeed have Chifeng-zun’s head.

This is not an explanation or proof. It’s a doubling down of what they have said before with no further information.

Immediate disbelief--’This again.’ He covers it quickly, mask back up, but there is a tightly held patience in his smile that does not bode well for LWJ or WWX. The pleasantry starts to leave even if the smile remains.

LWJ: He saw it with his own eyes

And oh holy shit. That fake, tight smile drops away, and there is something almost cold in his eyes for a moment, here. We have hit the heart of it. His eyes flick over to WWX and a low, troubling cello note plays in the background. Deep displeasure at this answer. (This is one of those times when I remember that Xichen is, in fact, quite a dangerous monster hunter.)

WWX knows how this sounds and does not meet his gaze. He, at least, shows he’s aware of what Xichen is getting at.

Xichen stares a moment more, looks back at Wangji and very visibly swallows back anger as his jaw flexes.

When he blinks, the smile is back. He holds a lot of tension in the corners of his mouth as he forces it. There is anger in them there hills. He is frustrated. Wangji is deliberately not seeing things from his perspective, as he has repeatedly tried to do for him and Wuxian. Xichen is trying very hard to be reasonable and calm about this.

LXC: You believe in Wei-gongzi? LWJ: I do. LXC: [in the manner of a teacher leading you to an answer] What about Jin Guangyao? LWJ: Not credible.

[Slightly jarring cut to Xichen from farther away, (and blurry as hell?) clearly a different take, but whatever] He sighs and comes closer and--YAY--fond exasperation is back. ‘You are being deliberately obtuse, bro.’

LXC: Then how do you judge who is credible or not? [Pause] LWJ: [silence] LXC: You trust Wei-gongzi and I trust Jin Guangyao. [Expectant pause]

He’s being patient again. ‘You know, like 16 years ago? When no one trusted Wei Wuxian or looked for all the facts? And just relied on hearsay? Do you see what I’m getting at? Is this familiar at all, Wangji? There are parallels that you should be able to empathize with.’

Silence from Wangji as he stares into the middle distance around the area of Xichen’s shoulders.

Xichen elaborates further into this silence, saying something along the lines of; ‘neither of us saw the head, we’re going on trust--both of us. You do not have solid evidence beyond hearsay whereas I am working off of years of personal experience as evidence from my perspective. You do understand that I’m going to need more than this, right? I have not seen Wei Wuxian in 16 years and the last time I did he was trying to murder us all.’ (Well. Okay, maybe not in so many words, but that’s the gist.) During the majority of this speech, the camera slowly pans past Xichen speaking, zooming in on Wangji’s face.

He is deliberately closed off. He is not responding to Xichen verbally and his nonverbal signals are basically, ‘I disagree. I disagree. I disagree.’ Then, we get this little batch of juicy facial expressions along with a speech.

So much is here. Frustration, fear, pleading, asking to be understood. He is intense and earnest. ‘You’re not trying to understand my position. Please.’ He ends with this face.

Waiting. He is losing his composure. This is a Lan fight, now; he is no longer really considering the fact that there is anyone else seeing him or hearing him other than Wangji. There is a beat of silence. Wuxian looks at Wangji. The camera cuts to Wangji and nothing has changed in his face at all during this pronouncement and he is still not looking at him. Xichen tries again.

There is less mobility in his eyebrows, and the corners of his mouth are tight again. He is disbelieving. ‘So your reason is allowed to be because Wei Ying said so but mine isn’t allowed to be I’ve watched this happen before to you and I refuse to be party to another mob before I have all the facts? You’re not even going to try to understand when I’ve done all I can to try to understand you?’ He ends with this face, for a few moments, clearly hurt.

Wangji remains silent, but he looks down and away with his eyes. Wuxian breaks in, says, “Lan-zongzhu,” almost reprimanding, obviously tense. And it’s clear that Xichen had forgotten that he was there because here’s the face journey that started this whole post.

He looks to Wuxian instinctively without masking, reminded of his presence. It takes him a second but he blinks and and realizes what he’s done.

Goes inside. Has whatever dialogue with himself that he has whenever he dares to have an undiplomatic and entirely “selfish” emotion. Takes in a breath. Makes himself presentable with a smile. And reassures Wuxian that he still plans on being impartial and will not reveal where Wei Wuxian is. Wuxian bows and thanks him for this.

Xichen almost says something--or maybe he’s thinking--but all he does is sigh. He looks vaguely regretful and is clearly reeling himself back in. He does not reply and he does not look at Wangji. Wangji is staring past him. (The boys are fightiiiiing.)

In this opening, Wei Wuxian steps closer and insists, very seriously, that Mingjue’s head really was in Jin Guangyao’s posession. And Xichen does this.

He steels his jaw, takes a breath, and smiles. ‘Sure kid. What I say clearly doesn’t matter. Because we’re here again.’ Now, he talks with Wei Wuxian and he is measured and patient and perfectly pleasant. Sometimes, his face grows serious when he listens.

But when he speaks--either right before or during--he smiles this smile.

He ends all of his sentences with this smile.

Even when Wuxian suggests that it might have been the music being played that drove Mingjue to qi deviation, he blinks, sighs, and says;

It is all nearly the exact same expression. It is perfectly acceptable, completely polite. But it is not familiar or warm and it does not reach his eyes. It is defensive, covering up whatever other emotional reaction he might have to Wei Wuxian’s words. Any vulnerability is gone. He is not offering it to Wei Wuxian. He is no longer asking to be understood. He simply repeats, in different ways, ‘You do not have hard facts. You have not brought me proof. I’m sorry, but you have not convinced me.’

Xichen does not look at Wangji through this entire conversation and Wangji says nothing. Wuxian offers to show Xichen proof--the thing he’s been asking for this whole time--and his reaction is to nod.

And smile the same exact smile.

#my stuff #my edit #meta #lxc meta #THE END #Shamelessly and unapologetically adoring of Lan Xichen goodnight #I love a good expression analyzing because I'm a nerd 🥰#I think that's what hurt Xichen most--Wangji just stonewalling him when he opened up and /asked/ for something #Listen. Lan Xichen is unbelievably cool about this whole thing. UNBELIEVABLY.#He knowingly houses the people that are actively looking for proof that one of the closest people to him has done horrible things #While also saying 'I have not seen evidence that convinces me'. He is the friend you want on your side if someone badmouths you.#He could severely damage his reputation by just HAVING WUXIAN AROUND and yet he's like 'sure I'll fund your private investigation'#'AGAINST MY BOYFRIEND'#While saying 'Show me the facts and I will make an informed decision.'#Why anyone thinks that this is him being stupid is beyond me #ANYWAY. THAT WAS FUN AND LONG WINDED. THANK YOU KARETAHANA FOR THE ENABLING #If you interact with this post please for the love of GOD don't call him a himbo. That's all I ask. I'm so tired.#I'm pinning until sometime tomorrow so I don't have to reblog because tumblr won't let me tag the requester 🤗

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ceescedasticity · 4 years

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Jin Guangyao’s Hoarding Problem, part 3

Time passes.

The reconstructed Stygian Tiger Seal doesn't… not work. So far. That Xue Yang can tell. It controls all the experimental fierce corpses just fine. (He thinks it does, anyway. Wen Ning is experiencing the commands more as loud suggestions. He doesn't let on. Xue Yang isn't expecting deception from that direction and hasn't realized.) Xue Yang is guessing that trying to use it directly on live, normal people — use it to create puppets — might not work so well, and might even turn out to be trapped.

It's been brought out for a few demonstrations for Jin Guangshan, but the first real use of the reconstructed Seal is in wrestling the not-quite-corpse of Nie Mingjue (and accompanying saber) into the Dizang.

Apparently whatever Nie Mingjue is, he isn't normal enough to trip whatever Wei Wuxian's done to the Seal. Which could mean he's dead — certainly everyone was expecting the qi deviation to kill him — but he does… seem to be breathing. A bit warmer than you'd expect for a corpse. Is he still alive?

Okay it doesn't actually matter but now Xue Yang has to know. Su Minshan, go get Wen Qing. Fine, Xue Yang will get Wen Qing, but don't think he'll forget you looked at him like that.

What the fuck, says Wen Qing.

Is he alive or dead? Xue Yang wants to know.

You're kidnapping Sect Leaders now?

Su Minshan: No, he's… everyone's going to think… he's definitely… shut up, Wen-dog.

Xue Yang: So is he alive or not?

Even with the Seal, Wen Ning has to be brought in to hold Nie Mingjue still enough for Wen Qing to examine him. Her eventual verdict is that he should be dead, the qi deviation was just about to kill him, but it was interrupted — everything was interrupted — when he was saturated by resentful energy, effectively turned into a puppet, by… his saber? She thinks? She's never examined a non-Yin-Iron-related puppet, but…

Xue Yang is delighted by this, and tries to use Baxia to command Nie Mingjue. Baxia does not yet have the strength which would, in another timeline, enable her (and several dismembered body parts) to rampage across the countryside, but given the infusion of resentful energy from Xue Yang's command attempt, she is strong enough to take a good stab (ha ha) at killing everyone in the building.

*ominous remix of Yakety Sax*

Baxia is most interested in killing Xue Yang, understandably, and second most interested in Wen Ning, which is fair since he's a fierce corpse and all. However she's targeting both Wen Qing and Mo Xuanyu more than Su Minshan, which is very rude and prejudicial.

Su Minshan has to go get Wei Wuxian to restrain the saber, which Wei Wuxian cooperates with without any pushing because it's threatening Wen Qing. (And Mo Xuanyu. Worrying about Mo Xuanyu's well-being is stupid, he's a jailor not a prisoner, but… and Mo Xuanyu.)

(Personally Su Minshan is of the opinion Xue Yang probably could get it under control himself if he took this whole thing more seriously, but he's smart enough not to say that in Xue Yang's hearing.)

It's a couple of days before Jin Guangyao manages to get away from Jinlintai to visit the Dizang. (Probably a little sooner than it would be, in another timeline. Nie Huaisang, at this point, hasn't come to any realizations, and is not deliberately making things difficult, he's just almost out of his head with grief and fear and confusion; in other timelines Jin Guangyao and Lan Xichen would be the only people who could deal with him, but in this one Jiang Yanli can calm him down actually better than either of them can, and Nie Zonghui arrives from Qinghe soon enough.) (See, people being alive can have all sorts of unexpected benefits!)

(He Lei, towed after Jin Guangyao like luggage, latches on to He Zhi and doesn't let go for over an hour. She still can't find her words to explain and isn't sure they'd understand anyway, but she wants to appreciate that her big brother hasn't left her.)

Jin Guangyao is presented with Nie Mingjue (tied down, covered in talismans, and still somehow breathing), Baxia (covered in talismans and locked in a box covered in more talismans, and still rattling), and a not inconsiderable amount of property damage from the rampaging saber. (Wen Qing's medicines stock will also have to be replenished.) Su Minshan attempts to throw Xue Yang under the bus without looking like that's what he's doing. Xue Yang looks at Su Minshan like he's just had a fantastic idea. Jin Guangyao sends Su Minshan home for now.

It would, of course, be very easy to finish Nie Mingjue off.

He should be dead already.

One could argue that finishing him off — ending his suffering — would be the moral thing to do, if the alternative is leaving him as a quasi-puppet.

Well, that's not something Jin Guangyao feels any need for. Nie Mingjue wouldn't believe compassion from him so he definitely won't get any.

Not killing him wouldn't be a very good idea, though. After all Jin Guangyao already told Jin Guangshan that Chifeng-zun was dead— Or no, actually, he said Chifeng-zun suffered a fatal qi deviation. Which is true! It's just an ongoing fatal qi deviation.

But is there any benefit to leaving him alive? Apart from satisfying academic curiosity about how this state is going to develop and how long it will take to actually kill him?

There isn't, really. But… Jin Guangyao is in the habit, now, of stashing people in the Dizang. It seems unremarkable. Why do something he can't undo when he can just set up a well-warded cell in the subbasement and… see what happens?

The cell is constructed, and Wei Wuxian invents new talismans to discourage Baxia from trying to bludgeon passersby with the box she's sealed in, and Jin Guangyao turns his attention to matters outside the Dizang. Surely Jin Guangshan has to grant him leave to marry now. He just has to bring Qin Cangye around…

(Elsewhere, Nie Huaisang has realized some things, and the Head-shaker is taking shape. Not quite the same, though. Everyone knows Sect Leader Nie is completely useless, and reliant on Zewu-jun and Lianfang-zun in intersect matters — but when it comes to Qinghe's internal affairs, he hands it all off to his competent deputy Nie Zonghui and it gets done.) (He would be willing to sacrifice Qinghe Nie's reputation for his camouflage, but it's a relief not to have to. He's not sure what he'd do without Zonghui there to confide in and work with. Manage somehow, he supposes — this is important.)

Back in the Dizang, Wen Qing was, fine, a little intrigued by Nie Mingjue's condition. She saw resentful energy effectively maintaining living tissue before, in Wei Wuxian, but she'd assumed that was because he had some level of control over it; she's observed it a little in puppets, but those are generally people that were alive. Here, tissue that shouldn't be able to stay alive is doing so.

So: if she were able to reactivate some of Wen Ning's dead nerves, would the energy animating him keep them functioning? Enough to taste or smell, maybe? What about the lacrimal glands? There's no reason he shouldn't be able to cry, if he wants, given a few repairs.

When Xue Yang finds out what she's theorizing he suggests — no, insists — she try out some of her ideas on his non-conscious fierce corpses, to get the research going. Why? Because Xue Yang is really into the idea of a fierce corpse that can cry, that's why.

(Mo Xuanyu, meanwhile, is almost sixteen and old enough to start getting an inappropriate crush on Jin Guangyao. He definitely admires Jin Guangyao and looks up to him and is grateful to him and would argue to anyone that Lianfang-zun is the most admirable person he knows of, but. Well. Wei Wuxian is just really cool, that's all.) (Also Xue Yang is hot, but even Mo Xuanyu realizes that's a bad idea.)

#jgy's hoarding problem tellfic #more random mdzs thoughts

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rosethornewrites · 4 years

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Fic: the thread may stretch or tangle but it will never break, ch. 2

Relationship: Lán Zhàn | Lán Wàngjī & Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn

Characters: Lán Zhàn | Lán Wàngjī, Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn, Wēn Qíng, Wēn Níng | Wēn Qiónglín

Additional Tags: Pre-Slash, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Secrets, Crying, Masks, Soulmates, Truth, Self-Esteem Issues, Regret, This Was Supposed To Be A One Shot

Summary: Lan WangJi and Wen Qing discuss the situation, and Wei WuXian.

Notes: I had intended this to be a one-shot, but isn't that how this always works? Yay, canon-divergence! Also, I did research on golden cores and qi for some details.

AO3 link

Chapter 1

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As Lan WangJi carefully carries him to the barely-padded flat boulder that serves as his bed, he catalogs what must be done—a letter to XiChen with an invitation to visit (if the Wens are amenable), the purchase of proper supplies, perhaps helping Wei Ying cleanse himself of resentful energy so it does not damage him… if he is now willing to allow his help, now that the misunderstanding has been cleared.

Wen Qing is waiting in the cave. She sighs when she sees him, helping him situated Wei Ying on what passes for his bed before removing his belt and opening the top of his robes in a clinical manner, revealing a rather ugly bruise on his sternum near the Wen brand scar. Worse, it makes very clear how emaciated he is, his ribs prominent, his skin the color of paper.

Lan WangJi can see other scars, including a mottled one that starts above his solar plexus and disappears under his robes. It has surgical precision, and he knows what it’s from. His urge to place his hand over it is inappropriate at best, and he instead busies himself removing Wei Ying’s shoes.

He remembers the cave, Wei Ying’s assertion regarding scars, and knows there are others hidden, and not just on his body.

“This idiot,” Wen Qing mutters, pressing lightly around the injury. “At least he’s not broken any ribs.”

She completely ignores Lan WangJi for the moment, crossing the room to grab a small container, which turns out to contain a salve. After spreading it over the bruise, she rearranges his robes, not bothering with the belt, covering him with a meagre, threadbare blanket.

The cave is chilly, and with an injury and no golden core… Lan WangJi supplements, pulling a heavier outer robe from his qiankun pouch to drape over him.

“At least I don’t have to drug him to get him to sleep this time,” she says, her tone tart but laced with worry. She reaches forward to wipe at Wei Ying’s face with a sleeve, gently removing what remains of his tears.

He glances at her, concerned at the implication she has before. That he needs it to sleep.

She inclines her head. “You have questions.”

“Yes.” He realizes he has told Wei Ying, but has not asked the Wens; this is, after all, their home. “I intend to stay.”

Her lips thin, and her gaze sharpens. “For how long?”

Wen Qing’s tone isn’t without judgment, and Lan WangJi deems it fair. He has failed Wei Ying, and failed to honor the promise they made in childhood, has failed to pursue justice in favor of appeasing sect politics.

“Indefinitely.”

Tension seems to ease from her small frame, leaving her just looking tired.

“Good. He needs an ally, at least.”

Something in her voice, in the way she says ‘ally,’ implies she believes he is more; she’s not wrong, but it is not something he intends to discuss with her.

“The surgery,” Lan WangJi states simply.

Wen Qing indicates a seat, and he quickly is glad to be seated. The details of Wei Ying’s sacrifice, the pain he endured without relief nonstop for days with only a fifty percent chance, how he had treated the gifting of his core as a necessity out of filial piety. How he had expressed that this was his duty, to protect Jiang WanYin with his life, his insistence that if the Jiangs had not taken him in off the streets as a child, he would never have had a golden core, so he owed the sacrifice.

Lan WangJi tries to imagine whether he could bring himself to do such a thing for XiChen, and finds he can;t. He would give his life for his brother, but the idea of giving his core is impossible. And yet Wei Ying had, without hesitation, gone far beyond duty. Wei Ying, who gives of himself until he has nothing left to give, and yet still tries to give more.

He only realizes tears stream down his face when Wen Qing hands him a cloth, her face composed but her eyes expressing regret.

“Wen Chao apparently caught him in Yiling before Jiang Cheng returned,” Wen Qing says eventually. “He was still recovering from the surgery, and without a golden core…”

The idea of Wei Ying helpless and alone, faced with certain death, with no one to come to his aid… And yet Lan WangJi is certain he faced Wen Chao with defiance. Wei Ying, who could fight so brilliantly with his mind and mouth, would have refused to show fear—would have unleashed both mind and mouth to their full capacity with the knowledge he was doomed anyway.

But he must have been terrified.

Lan WangJi is starting to agree that, as gruesome as his death had been, Wen Chao had died too easily.

“He boasted of beating him and throwing him here.” She smiles, but it’s without mirth. “A-Ning begged me to let him come here, to search. But no one comes out of the Burial Mounds.”

“Before him.”

Wei Ying strives for the impossible, always, and achieved it in surviving. But Lan WangJi knows perhaps not all of him did return, that he’d lost pieces of himself to whatever he experienced. In so many ways, Wei Ying had lost more than anyone else had in the war, and only continues to lose. He remembers the cold way Wei Ying looked at him when he and Jiang WanYin had found him finally, the way he’d pushed him away.

He had wondered then if it had been the demonic cultivation, but he feels now it was more likely fear and trauma and perhaps Wei Ying feeling as though he was unsuitable for Lan WangJi’s company, pushing him away before he could be pushed, fearing judgment.

And unknowingly, Lan WangJi had done exactly that. .

Wen Qing nods. “He doesn’t talk about his time here. But his nightmares...”

Lan WangJi glances at Wei Ying, who appears for now to be sleeping peacefully. He has seen him after the defeat of XuanWu, burning with fever, half-conscious, babbling in terror of dogs and whips, calling for his parents. He had done his best to soothe him then.

“I will never do that surgery again. I wish I’d never come up with the idea,” she says softly, her own gaze on his still form. “I regretted it the moment his golden core was in my hands. It was so radiant, and I was taking it from him.”

He cannot imagine it and does not wish to; Wei Ying’s very essence torn from him by his consent. It takes him a moment to collect himself.

“If not for the resentful energy… if he was cleansed of it… Could he cultivate another golden core?”

This late in Wei Ying’s life, it would be a weak one, but...

“I doubt it,” Wen Qing answers honestly. “I suspect the scarring of the lower dantian would prevent that. I have no idea for sure, of course. Everything was just theory, and now he’s living it. It’s the same with the resentful energy; I have no idea how it could impact his mind and body long-term. Or if it’s even just resentful energy, and not a combination of that and the loss of his golden core and trauma...”

Lan WangJi watches her as she trails off, noticing her discontent. Wei Ying had joked about her sternness, but it clearly comes from a place of caring.

“I told him he should leave, you know,” she says finally. “That he’d done enough to help us, that he owes us nothing more. And he pretended he didn’t even hear me.”

He’d love to be able to tell her Wei Ying doesn’t think in terms of owing and being owed. But more realistically, it’s that Wei Ying feels he owes of himself more than he can ever give, while others owe him nothing.

“He will not leave you unprotected,” Lan WangJi finally says.

“I know. It doesn’t seem to matter what it costs him.”

He realizes abruptly that she understands Wei Ying perfectly in this, as he does. That she has seen that he will sacrifice everything for others. That it pains her just as much to see it.

“He gives his rations to a-Yuan most of the time. You probably noticed how unhealthy he is.” Wen Qing fixes him with a look he can only describe as beseeching. “I don’t care what else you do, if you help with the farming or whatever. Just help him.”

“I intend to.” Lan WangJi fishes his money purse out and hands it to her. “I will assist in any way possible. This should help to begin with.”

The way her eyes widen, he realizes to her what he carries is a small fortune, and knows it likely would be to Wei Ying as well. He remembers hearing gossip, once among Cloud Recesses students, that after the death of his parents Wei Ying had been a street urchin for several years before being found by Jiang FengMian, before being brought back to Lotus Pier. The lowly son of a servant. Though the gossip had been meant to put Wei Ying down, it had given Lan WangJi more respect for him, that he could smile, could make friends so easily, could be so powerful a cultivator and swordsman after having been through such hardship.

“We were going to have a special dinner tonight, to thank him. But I think we’ll need to hold off, at least until tomorrow night.” She smiles. “And perhaps a trip to town tomorrow will give a-Ning more to cook with. He’d be happier if the food was anything but radishes, I’m sure.”

“I will need to send a message to inform my brother of my decision,” he tells her. “He may wish to come here, to speak with me.”

Wen Qing studies him for a moment, and nods. “I can warn the others. Honestly, GusuLan worries me the least of the four main sects. Your brother’s reputation is honorable.”

He inclines his head in silent thanks before a murmur catches their attention, a shifting of fabric as Wei Ying moves restlessly in his sleep.

With Wen Qing’s mention of nightmares and the damage resentful energy could be doing to Wei Ying in mind, Lan WangJi manifests his guqin and starts “Cleansing.” He has played this for him before, at the end of the war during his days-long unconsciousness and for a bit afterward.

How much pain could have been prevented, had he realized Wei Ying’s sacrifice earlier? What more could he have done to ease his pain? Regret cloaks him, weights him, and he plays for himself as well.

...and to live without regrets…

He remembers a brighter Wei Ying, so many years ago it seems now, releasing a lantern he had deftly painted with rabbits for him. That part of his pledge, the pledge he had echoed, the pledge it seems he needs to work harder to fulfill.

Lan WangJi cannot change the past; he can only move forward, acknowledge his mistakes and work to lessen the damage done and prevent further ill effects.

Wei Ying settles quickly, and he runs through the notes only once for now, stilling the strings when he’s finished.

“He’s played that here,” Wen Qing says in the silence that follows. “On his dizi.”

He wouldn’t be able to infuse spiritual energy into it to make it effective, but Lan WangJi wonders if the music is comforting to him regardless.

He wonders, selfishly, if Wei Ying has played it thinking of him.

“He plays another one more often, though. A-Yuan loves that one.”

She hums a few notes, and Lan WangJi feels struck dumb, frozen.

Wei Ying plays WangXian, remembers it.

His fingers pluck the tune, running through the song he wrote for Wei Ying so many years ago, the song he played for him only once. The song he plays now, hoping it eases his dreams further.

Wen Qing is watching him when he stills the strings.

“I wrote it. For him.”

He doesn’t owe her the information, but he shares it anyway.

“You’re exactly who he needs.” Wen Qing’s smile transforms her, edging away the exhaustion that seems etched in her features. “You should tell him.”

Lan WangJi knows she means more than the song. “I thought he knew.”

He had told Wei Ying the name of the song in the cave, had thought the sentiment behind it was known, but Wei Ying had been burning with fever at the time, had fallen into fevered dreams, and Lan WangJi can’t be sure he even heard the name at all. And the next time he’d seen him, it was after he’d gone missing, and Wei Ying been twisted by his experiences.

“Wei WuXian is a genius, but he’s also an idiot.” Wen Qing’s smile turns bitter. “He’s the kind of person who cares for everyone but believes himself unworthy of anyone’s care. He won’t know. Not unless he’s told.”

Possibly the worst thing about her observation is how true it rings, how much it tracks with everything Lan WangJi has seen of Wei Ying. She doesn’t need to say what’s implied: that even told, Wei Ying may still feel unworthy. He does not recognize his own value.

“He is worthy,” he finally says, and knows it only touches the surface of how he feels about Wei Ying. “He is deserving.”

And Lan WangJi will spend the rest of their lives ensuring he understands that.

#the untamed #untamed fanfiction #mo dao zu shi #lan zhan #lan wangji #wen qing #wei wuxian #wei ying #my fanfiction #chen qing ling #cql #mdzs

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