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dorotharry · 6 years

Text

narcotics (richie tozier x reader)

BLURB: After facing Pennywise (y/n) and Richie are spiraling downwards, leading him to question if he still loves (y/n) as she slowly falls out of love with him. (CHARACTERS ARE AGED UP 17/18)

(a/n OKAY so this song is actually one of my favourites to listen to, it’s ‘Narcotics’ by Corey Kilgannon. So if you want to get a feel for the story give it a listen. I highly recommend.)

ALL FEEDBACK IS APPRECIATED! :)

Word Count: 1215

Warnings: drug abuse, mentions questioning god for a tiny section, references depression (im not very good with warnings sorry :/)

MASTERLIST

Kissing her feels like a chore

But when we're not I get the sense that she'd bored

Is this what our bodies are for?

I'm too cold to keep anyone warm

She couldn't hold me close enough

Richie tried so hard to keep himself together. It seemed like most of the losers could move on and accept that they had all nearly died. But whenever Richie closed his eyes all he could see was Pennywise, all he could see was the fear that loomed over him in his dreams. Even when he was wide awake.

(y/n) knew Richie was barely keeping himself sane. His heart didn’t beat for her anymore, in fact it didn’t beat for anything anymore. He knew his relationship with (y/n) was the only thing keeping him sane. He started kissing her in hopes it could bring back his happiness, his soul. It never could. (y/n) was growing tired of this, she loved Richie, she always would but it wasn’t the same anymore, but this endless cycle of relying on each other to keep the other alive was beginning to get to her.

They were both messes.

Everything that had made Richie himself was slowly slipping from his grasp and all he could do was keep kissing (y/n). Though he couldn’t love her like she needed him to, he couldn’t help her like she needed him to. How do you save someone drowning, when your drowning yourself? He wanted to know the answer, but all that seemed stay in his mind was an echo of emptiness.

All (y/n) could do was try and keep him warm, keep him from falling off the edge. But it was getting more and more difficult. How do you keep someone warm when your cold? How do save someone from falling when you’re falling with them?

Cause when we're making love I feel lonelier

When she's crying "sorry" I'm angrier

This beautiful world is a big fucking blur

Of hurting and getting hurt

(y/n) never intended to become this person, cheating on the man she knew she once loved. But there was so much pain and anger in their relationship it was becoming a blur of nothingness. She lived each day trying to hide that she was cheating on him, but Richie knew.

When they made love to forget about the darkness inside of them, it did nothing; they were both slipping under. The spark was gone.

Knowing she was cheating made Richie more of a mess, how could she do that to him? He always thought if they go crazy they go crazy together. But no, (y/n) wanted out, Richie could see that but she was all he had. He had secluded himself from the losers, all he had was her.

When she would come home, Richie knew where she had been. He would yell and scream, as she cried out pointless apologies. She was hurting him so he would hurt him. They were both falling further and further apart, and it was making it a bigger mess of glass shards surrounding their glass bodies.

Kissing her feels like a sin

And I've been so quick to forgive

But if god is a bottomless pit

Grace just excuses our shit

She couldn't hold me long enough

Richie still tried kissing her to bring back his humanity. It was a toxic cycle of lies, fighting and then kissing to try and pull out what was missing in them. But kissing her was beginning to feel like a lie now too. At first when they began to break it still felt real because they had loved each other. Once upon a time.

But now she also belonged to another man, god only knew who it was. Richie felt like he was sinning as he kissed her beautiful lips, but she wasn’t the same person he knew anymore. She was different. Broken.

He knew it was his fault, he had dragged her down with him. (y/n) would never leave him though (or so he thought), she refused to let him get any worse than what he was. Richie would never leave (y/n), he was always so quick to forgive her, as she did the same for him. Toxic.

Sometimes they would both question, why god would allow such a thing like Pennywise to attack the innocent. What had decided in fate that they should be the ones to confront and rid of him in the end. They knew they did it for the greater good, but was it worth their sanity? What if he came back in another 27 years? They would be ruined, mentally unstable, maybe not even alive anymore. Would it have been worth it?

(y/n) was the only one Richie confided in when he thought about this. But it always seemed that no matter how long she held him, as he wept and drank his whiskey to numb the pain. Nothing could push his broken pieces back together.

It seemed so long ago that they were the couple to take on the world, leave Derry behind. Now it seemed like they would be here forever with washed up dreams masked by IT’s face.

When she calls me "patience" I want to rush

The preacher says "gentle", I want to cuss

All these narcotics I can't feel a buzz

Every damn thing that I love, is just something I'll have to give up

More months into his spiral downwards Richie no longer confided in (y/n). Instead he confided in alcohol and cocaine. He lived in his house secure from the monsters. From life, itself.

She had left him, barely making it out alive. Had she of stayed any longer she would be the same as him, if not worse. She got help from Beverly and the rest of the losers, they cleaned her up. They were happy to have their friend back. They all wondered how Richie was, but none dared ask. The way (y/n)’s eyes looked when she first came back to them gave them a good idea about how he was.

Most of them went by every so often, after so long to check up on him. He would open the door to them un washed for days, drunk and high but pushed them away as they tried to help him out of his wallowing pity.

The buzz to numb the pain from the narcotics had washed away, he was just a broken shell of a person, he didn’t exist anymore. He wasn’t the Richie they had all once known. The only thing he had loved and did love was (y/n) but now she was gone too, he realised this all too late.

Every so often he would see her around Derry. She was back to normal old self, mainly… he didn’t know (y/n) could never be old self without Richie. Just like before pennywise, she took his breath away, he still loved her, he knew this now. He didn’t love what she had become with him. He was glad she was okay now. She didn’t have him tied to her ankles dragging her down.

He still hoped that one day she would come back and save him, but he knew to be saved he would have to want it.

That he was unsure of.

So I’m thinking of making a part 2 of this, but it would literally only have two parts, because my other stories are going to be Series’. Would anyone want a part 2?

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