#Emmett and his journey into the human world to pretend to be one of them
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Monster Falls AU - Emmett
I still have a few prompts left to get to, but for some reason, I really wanted to write this particular plot point out. And I don’t like to redirect my muse if she’s speaking to me for something specific. So here’s Stan talking to Emmett about why he looks so human and what it means for his future.
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Stan idly swept the cave floor with his tail, brushing bones and shed skin to the side.
Eh. Good enough. Angie was out hunting with most of their hatchlings and had requested he tidy up a little bit while she was gone. If she wants it cleaner, she can tell me when she gets back.
“Dad?” Stan looked over at the lone hatchling to not go hunting, ten-year-old Emmett. Due to his incredibly human appearance, and thus lack of natural protection and weaponry, Angie and Stan didn’t want him hunting just yet. Even with supervision, they were both very aware of how dangerous hunting could be. They bickered and disagreed over a number of things when it came to raising the hatchlings, but keeping Emmett on a short, supervised, and protected leash was the one thing they didn’t have to discuss at all. They were on the same page from the beginning.
“What’s up?” Stan asked. Emmett looked down at his feet.
“I think I need new sssssssshoessssss,” he said. While the children that were more dragon hadn’t picked up Angie’s distinctive hiss, the naga children and, to their surprise, Emmett, had. Stan looked at Emmett’s feet. Both of his big toes stuck out of the incredibly worn shoes he had on.
Kid goes through shoes like no one else. Probably the extra toes. Like a lot of his siblings, Emmett had polydactyly. His was in the form of twelve toes.
“Yep. You’re right.” Stan walked over to Emmett. He circled his son, inspecting the rest of his clothing. Most of the family wore clothing either rarely or just on their torso. Emmett was the lone exception. Unlike everyone else, he had to wear not just a top, but also pants all the time, to protect his sensitive skin from the elements.
‘Cause it’s not enough for the kid to look mostly human. He’s gotta have eczema, too. Emmett greatly disliked wearing clothing and as such, tended to let it get completely worn out before asking for something new. Stan and Angie had to periodically check their son’s wardrobe to make sure it wasn’t literally falling apart. When was the last time we checked? Obviously before his last growth spurt. The hem of Emmett’s pants was almost halfway up his shin. Stan sat down.
“You need more pants, too,” he said finally. Emmett groaned. “And probably some new shirts.” Emmett groaned again, louder this time. “Most kids would be happy that their dad’s gonna get them some new clothes.”
“Ssssssssso?” Emmett asked, crossing his arms. His sporadic maroon and gold scales, which started near his elbows, glinted from the movement. “I’m not mosssssssst kidsssssss.”
“I know, ‘Met.” Stan sighed. “But you need clothes.”
“Can we at leasssssssst get treatsssssss from my fav’rite sssssssstall?” Emmett begged. Stan shook his head. “Why not?”
“We’re not gonna go to the Crawlspace this time,” Stan said. Emmett’s mouth dropped open in shock. “We’re gonna go into human town.”
“What?!” Emmett squeaked.
“Don’t worry, no one’s gonna know we’re not human.”
“But- but- Ma’ssssssss gonna lossssssssse it!”
“No, she won’t,” Stan said firmly. “Go change into whatever fits you best and covers up your scales. I’ll get ready and then we can head out.” Emmett groaned loudly but turned away and headed for the particular cavern that served as his bedroom. Stan looked down at the cave floor, thinking.
We’ve been planning on taking him into human town for a while. Might as well do it now. Angie wanted to be there for it, but it’ll probably go better if it’s one-on-one. Poor kid gets nervous when too many people are paying attention to him. Stan shook his head. He stood up and went off to the cavern he and Angie shared. Hopefully everything pans out like we want.
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“See?” Stan said, elbowing Emmett playfully. They had just finished shopping at the mall, stopping by the food court on their way out. They were now walking around a nearby park as they ate. “No problem.”
“I guesssssss,” Emmett mumbled. He took a bite of his hot dog. “Cooked meat is weird.”
“Do you not like it?”
“No, it’sssssss all right. I’m jussssssst not usssssssed to it, I guessssss.” Emmett frowned at the hot dog. “What kinda meat isssssss thisssssss, anyway?”
“No one knows.”
“Weird,” Emmett mumbled. He looked up at Stan. “Dad?”
With how fast he’s growing, he’s gonna start looking down at me soon.
“Yeah?”
“How come you were able to pretend to be a human ssssssssssso well?” Emmett asked. “You even underssssssstand human money and etiquette and- and everything!”
“That’s a bit of a long story.”
“Sssssssso you’re not gonna tell me,” Emmett said flatly.
“Did I say that? No.” Stan guided Emmett to a nearby park bench. They both sat down. “Y’know how everyone says that you look so human ‘cause there’s a human somewhere in my family?”
“Yeah…”
“The human’s me,” Stan said. Emmett stared at him. “I used to be a human. But years before you were laid, I turned into a dragon.”
“Wh- wh-” Emmett seemed like he was short-circuiting. “Did you become a dragon ssssssso you could court Ma or ssssssssomethin’?”
“Nope. She actually used to be human, too.”
“What?!” Emmett looked like he was about to throw up the hot dog he’d just eaten. Stan put a hand on his son’s back.
“Calm down, kid. It’s okay.”
“Wh- wh- how?!”
“Your ma and I were humans. But one day, we got exposed to water from a magical stream.”
“Magical ssssssstream?”
“The one that we don’t let you or your siblings get near. That water turned us into magical creatures.” Stan tilted his head. “That’s why we don’t let you get near it. We don’t know what it would do to you. It doesn’t look like it hurts other magical creatures, but you kids have former humans for parents, so we’re not taking any risks.”
“I…” Emmett stared at the ground. “Why didn’t ya tell usssssss?”
“No one in the magical creature community knows we used to be human. We wanted to wait until you kids were grown up enough that we knew you could keep the secret.”
“Why issssssss it a sssssssssecret?”
“Emmett,” Stan said flatly. “You know how humans are treated. If people knew what we used to be, they wouldn’t want to be around us. But we definitely couldn’t try to stay in human society. Especially not your ma.”
“Good point,” Emmett mumbled. He shook his head. “Why are ya tellin’ me now? I know I asssssssked, but ya didn’t have to anssssswer the quesssssstion.” Stan sighed. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees.
“Your ma and I have been talking about you.”
“Good thingsssssss?”
“Neutral things.” Stan met Emmett’s eyes. “We think it’s time for you to go to human school.” Emmett jumped off the bench, staring at Stan in horror.
“H-h-human ssssssschool?” he squeaked. “They’ll- they’ll kill me with a ssssssssword!”
“Most humans don’t have swords.”
“Then they’ll usssssssse a gun.”
“They won’t kill you,” Stan said firmly. “Sit back down and let me finish what I was saying, will ya?” Emmett reluctantly sat on the bench again. Stan took a deep breath. “You pass as human even without shapeshifting or using a magical spell. No one would have any idea, especially if we made sure to give you a Glamour every day, like I do when I go into human town. Just in case someone caught a glimpse of something that wasn’t human.” Stan put his hand on Emmett’s knee. “We’ve been planning this practically since the day you hatched.”
“Why?” Emmett asked.
“I knew you looked too human to fit in with the other magical creatures. Your ma knew it, too. No matter how hard we tried, you were gonna stick out. So we had a backup plan. If magical creatures didn’t accept you, humans would.”
“But- but-”
“Your siblings have been telling us lately that school has been difficult for you,” Stan said softly. Emmett immediately looked down at his brand-new sneakers. “I’m not upset. Neither is your ma. But you’re getting old enough that people are really gonna start picking on you for being different. We just wanna make sure that you have some place you belong.” Stan rolled his eyes. “And your ma really likes the idea of you going to college.”
“College?”
“I think it’s stupid, but it’s important to your ma. Probably ‘cause she went to college.” Stan waved a hand dismissively. “Anyways. We’re gonna let you finish out the school year with all the other magical creatures. But we want you to consider switching to the human school next fall.”
“I…”
“You don’t need to give me an answer right away. I don’t want you to give me an answer right away. If you do, it means you didn’t think about it.”
“Okay.”
“And if you decide you don’t wanna go to human school right now, that’s fine. But like I said, you’re old enough that we wanted to offer it to you,” Stan said. Emmett looked around the park, watching humans stroll by, not even glancing in their direction.
“It issssssss kinda niccccccce to be around people that look like me,” he said quietly. “No one’ssssss sssssstaring at me fer lookin’ dif’rent.” He let out a heavy sigh. “I’ll think about it, Dad.”
“That’s all I wanted, ‘Met.” Stan ruffled his son’s thick, brown hair. Emmett chuckled. “Is there anything else human you wanted to see before we head home?”
“I don’t know what’ssssssss in human town.”
“Hmm.” Stan looked up at the sky, using the sun’s position to roughly estimate the time. “We’ve got a while before your ma and siblings are done hunting. We can do a quick tour.” Stan stood up. Emmett stood as well. “At the very least, we can pick up some more food. Humans have way better snacks than magical creatures do.”
#there's actually a Lot that I've already decided upon that has to do with Emmett#Emmett and his journey into the human world to pretend to be one of them#(bc yes Emmett does wind up going to human school and living among humans)#so if anyone has questions......hmu#Monster Falls AU#Stanley Pines#Emmett McGucket#Stangie Family#ficlet#my writing#my stuff#speecher speaks
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King Of My Heart
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Alice Brandon is a runaway scraping by to survive until the day she meets Jasper Whitlock in a cafe.
Written for Jalice Week 2020 Day1: Vampire/Human
Alice had been living alone, hiding away from the pressures of the world. Five years ago, she had packed a bag in the middle of the night, climbed out her bedroom window, and drove off into the distance aimlessly. Her home life had been... less than excellent, to put things mildly. Her father likely never cared about her; her mother had passed away shortly before Alice's 16th birthday. Her father had remarried within weeks. Even her beloved little sister was starting to look at her oddly.
Unable to take it anymore, she left everything she'd ever known behind. Her family hadn't even bothered looking for her, not that she was surprised. Sometimes Alice wondered what they'd told Cynthia about her disappearance... if the younger girl had even cared.
Alice had decided to take up roots in Kennebunkport, Maine, a small town overlooking the Atlantic ocean. People there kept to themselves; they stayed in their cliques inattentive to the going ons of strangers around them, which suited Alice perfectly. Sure, she'd been a subject of interest when she'd first arrived. People had assumed her to be younger than she was, but once she'd proved her age, she was left well enough alone.
She made some of her income working as a tailor, taking in prom dresses, repairing coats, simple work that didn't bring in much revenue. So, she took to pickpocketing, a skill she'd mastered her first year on her own. She'd never been allowed to work a job when she lived with her father; despite the year she left being 2015, he still believed women didn't belong in the workplace. Thus, pickpocketing had been her only means of paying for things as she made the journey northeast.
Alice had an inexplicable way of just... knowing things, an ability that had been a large part of her issues back in Mississippi. She always seemed to know what the weather would be ahead of time, where lost items were hidden, little things like that. Unfortunately, it had often gotten her called a freak or accused of being a thief more times than not.
With pickpocketing, though, her gift came in handy; she could discern who the best targets were, what their next moves would be, or how they would react. So why, she wondered, had her intuition failed her that day? Why of all the people in the cafe, she'd chosen to steal his wallet that day.
She'd entered a small coffee shop where she saw him standing near the counter, seemingly not paying attention to anything aside from his phone. She figured she'd be able to quickly pluck the wallet out of his back pocket as she walked by, pretending to be headed for the bathroom.
Maybe it had been the hunger that drove her to make that choice, that perhaps she'd gotten too comfortable. Whatever the cause, she hadn't relied on her ability, and he hadn't been as distracted as Alice assumed. He'd quickly grabbed her wrist as soon as she reached for his pocket, his hand freezing cold and firm. The man turned on her quickly with a glare. His gaze softened remarkably as he laid eyes on her.
Pity, she'd assumed, her eyes were sunken, he naturally small frame frail from hunger. Normally people's pitty infuriated her, but something about his unusual golden eyes was captivating. She felt peculiarly serene in his presence. "Can I buy you, lunch ma'am?"
Part of her wanted to turn him down, to submit to her ego. She'd gotten this far in life without any help. Why should she accept assistance from a stranger no matter how charming he may be. Yet, she found herself nodding in acceptance as he guided her to the counter, proceeding to order her a sandwich and juice.
"My name is Jasper," He announced, watching her hurridly scarf down the food.
"Alice," She replied. "Aren't you going to eat?"
"I'm full." He leaned back in his seat, crossing his arms across his chest.
"You're lying." Her guard going up instantly. She didn't trust easily; if this man was lying about being full, what else would he lie about? Still, against every self-protective instinct she relied on to get by, she trusted him.
"Am I?" He smirked at her.
"It's all in the body language. You moved into a defensive position when I asked if you were going to eat. So why lie..." That was when she got that feeling; she just knew, "Oh, you're a vampire. That's lit. Is this like a last meal before you eat me kinda date?"
Jasper looked flabbergasted, "I'm not a vampire!" He whisper-shouted with wide eyes.
"Okay, well, first of all, that was a panicked response, so even if I didn't already know you're a vampire, I sure do now. I'm never wrong, Jasper. So, are you going to eat me... no. No, you're not. Thanks, by the way. I didn't exactly feel like dying today."
"You're a little intuitive, aren't you."
"I just know things."
They stayed for hours in that coffee shop talking. Jasper had walked her home that night, only leaving when she promised he could speak to her again. He wanted to take her on a proper date next time. Alice went to bed, wondering if Jasper had felt the same connection to her that she felt to him. She questioned if he felt just as comfortable as talking to her; if he felt like he'd known her his entire life.
It was insane; Alice had spent the past five years since she'd left home perfectly content to be by herself. People made things complicated; people betrayed and hurt you. Nevertheless, Jasper wasn't people; he wasn't even human. So maybe that's why she suddenly felt so very lonely in her studio apartment.
She saw him again the next day; when she left for a walk, he was lingering outside her building. "What are you doing here?" She had asked with a slight blush, silently pleased to find him waiting.
"I wanted to see you again."
Alice's heart raced when he held out a hand; she intertwined her fingers with his noting how it felt... right. Like her hand was made to hold his. Jasper would keep up this routine daily, arriving at the same time every morning just as Alice was leaving her apartment. Their relationship moved quickly from curious strangers to tentative lovers. Within a week, she had felt comfortable enough to invite him up to stay the night.
Late at night, they would lie together, sometimes reclined on her couch, others sprawled out on the bed. The pair had become closed off to the world, living in their own private kingdom they'd created within her apartment. She'd broken all of her rules in allowing him to become so ingrained in her life. She liked to keep people at a distance, never getting too close. Yet here she lay, curled up on her bed with this man. She'd shared all of her secrets with him, told him at just sixteen she'd run away from an awful family environment. She'd explained how she had lived on her own for the past five years, scraping to get by relying on lies and pickpocketing to survive. She told him how she had changed her name, and even hearing the word 'Mary' would send her into a panic, how despite no signs of anyone attempting to search for her, she lived in fear of her former family tracking her down.
His heart had broken for the woman he loved hearing how she had gotten to where she was. He swore to her she would never have to live through anything like that again. In turn, he detailed his own experiences, telling her about Maria's army, his best friend Peter, and his powers of emotion. He told her about the day he'd met a man named Emmett who'd convinced him there was another way to live, how he was able to feed off animals.
Alice asked him once if he'd used his power to make her fall in love with him because she "Sure felt like she was under a spell." He denied any wrongdoing, explaining that he'd cared for her from the moment he'd laid eyes on her. The only time he ever had or ever would use his power would be to calm her from the panic he often sensed.
It was on one of those nights Alice received the call. They were lying on her bed, chatting about favorite books enjoying each other's company when Alice's phone began to ring. "That's strange..." She commented. People only called her to make tailoring appointments; it was far too late for that. The only exception was Jasper, who was lying beside her.
"Answer it," Jasper sat up on the bed, leaning back on one hand for support, gently massaging Alice's shoulder with the other. "I'm sure it's nothing." He grinned, planting a kiss on her temple. "Probably just a wrong number."
"Yeah, you're probably right." She was being paranoid. No one had found her yet, she thought, sliding the indicator on the screen to the left accepting the call. "Hello?"
"Mary." A hauntingly familiar voice greeted her in a malicious tone.
Alice froze in horror, sending Jasper into immediate alert, having sensed the overwhelming emotion suddenly radiating from her. "Are you still there, Mary," The voice taunted.
Alice, still in shock, unable to respond, remained silent as she shook. Jasper wrapped a comforting arm around her, trying to send out waves of calm despite his fury. He didn't know who was on the other end of the phone, but he immediately hated them for causing his Alice to feel so much hurt, panic, and terror.
He grabbed the phone from Alice's hand, pressing it to his ear.
"Who is this." He growled.
"I could ask you the same."
"Answer. The. Question."
"Mary's father. We haven't seen the poor girl in years. She's done a good job of hiding, but it's time for her to get help."
"My girlfriend has no family."
"Poor boy, I don't know what my daughter has told you, but I assure you she's a lunatic. It's for the best she get help. Please tell Mary, my wife and I have arrived in Kennebunkport and..." Jasper ended the call, refusing to listen to anymore. He turned his attention back to Alice, who had curled herself tightly into a ball on the bed where she shook silently sobbing.
"Alice..." He lay down next to the girl, heartbreak evident in this voice. "What did they do to you... come here."
She complied, scooting over into his arms; he held them tightly around her, shhing in her ear, allowing her to release all the emotion she'd repressed for years. "They're going to take me away; they'll lock me up."
"Then we'll leave before they come for you."
"What?"
"Alice, I can have you on the other side of the country within two hours."
"What if they find me again."
"I know some people; you learn a lot about how to disappear when you've been alive almost 160 years."
"Okay," Her voice trembled as she nodded in affirmation. She crawled out of bed and began to pack a bag grabbing only the necessities. She'd long ago placed a terrifying amount of trust in Jasper. If he thought he could keep her safe, she would follow him to the ends of the earth.
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Breaking Dawn - 3* review
Oh boy was this a long one. Okay, I really don't know how to feel about this book, because on one hand I had lots of fun revisiting my old favourite and picking it apart but on the other hand I had a very big issue with a major part of the plot. If I were rating based on each book within this book, I would give book one 4*and book two and three 3*. It starts out strong, then gets progressively harder to keep track of, but then maybe my short attention span is the problem here. I learned many interesting facts and character traits in this book, and I also figured out something important to do with imprinting that's been vaguely introduced in the previous book but is explored in-depth here. Stick around if you want to see what that discovery is. As usual, I'll be putting interesting and relevant facts and things I found particularly offensive under sub-headings, but I'll be saying a lot about each book as if it's separate before then, because Breaking Dawn as a whole is too long to talk about with any coherency.
So without further ado: There are only spoilers ahead.
Book 1: Bella
First let me just say that these books have such amazing prologues/prefaces that immediately grab your attention. If you didn't know she was going to get pregnant, it would probably seem like she's talking about Edward being the one killing her. Anyway, this book was shorter than I expected, but far more enjoyable. This one seems to be more family oriented in the language used than previous in the series; while before any of the Cullens would be described as 'Edward's adopted -' , in this they are simply his mother, his brothers, his sisters. Even Jasper, who always seemed to me to be the outsider of the bunch, uses the term "We Cullens" and it just feels more like a family than a vampire coven pretending to be a family. This is helped along by Bella suddenly knowing so much more about the history of the Cullens and their extended family the Denalis. She's ready to fit right on in there.
This book deals with the wedding and the honeymoon. Bella reflects on how she told her parents, freaks out about getting married, has her wedding, abruptly changes her stance on said wedding, then they shoot off to the honeymoon and things occur. Basically, she gets pregnant. It's a huge commotion. Backtracking, both Charlie and Renee were weirdly supportive about the engagement and handled it super well, with Renee and Bella having such a lovely conversation I nearly teared up. She's a great mother even when she's not physically there for Bella. Bella, on the other hand, is doing that thing again where she's selfish and a bit mean without realising she's being that way. Poor Edward is stressed to his eyeballs about the honeymoon and the very real possibility of hurting and even killing Bella, and she just brushes him right off. More on that later, but that's not the responsible way to do things, Bella. Fast forward to the honeymoon, and Edward is now the one being dramatic, refusing to sleep with her again because he bruised her and not listening to her when she says she's perfectly fine. The way it happens is very funny. Then we get to see random things happening that oh so subtly turn out to be pregnancy symptoms, like strange dreams about vampire babies who look human, oversleeping, mood swings, strange eating habits, and last but not least, morning sickness. It wasn't subtle. When they figure it out Edward loses it and says he's going to arrange for her to have an abortion. Bella asks Rosalie for help, and screen fades to black.
The big theme here is that Bella changes her mind. She doesn't want to be married until she suddenly does at her wedding, she doesn't want to stay human until she decides she can afford a few extra years, and she doesn't want kids until she's already pregnant. Even with Rosalie, their slowly evolving relationship wasn't going to be proper friendship until Bella asks her for help. She's changing so quickly it's like getting whiplash, but it's not unrealistic. That's how I make most of my big decisions too, like it simmers away unnoticed until it's ready to be addressed. Relatable, really.
Book 2: Jacob
Book 2 takes us through Bella's pregnancy from Jacob's perspective, as he goes from planning to kill the Cullens to becoming their biggest protector and an Alpha of his own pack. As much as I love multiple POVs in books this is one I couldn't get behind, and here's why.
One of the main themes in this book is imprinting. I don't like it. While I adore soulmates as a concept, and even more so platonic soulmates, it's made clear that this isn't what that is, and it's icky. We get 4 pages of Quil interacting with his imprint Claire, who is 3. The whole time Jacob has a running commentary on how Quil is more devoted than a parent would ever be, how he wants to make her so very happy, how it's so very different from that of a parent, and how Quil has to wait like a "monk" for "a good fourteen years" until Claire was his age. This was never platonic, it was a waiting game. It's also grooming. This was also around the time it became apparent just why Quil imprinted on Claire in the first place: it was all a set up for Jacob's eventual imprint. It had to be a part of the story before it happened so people wouldn't question it, and for the most part it worked. Both Quil's story and Jacob's interactions with a pregnant Bella prove this: "the hold she had on me only got harder to break. Almost like it was related to her expanding belly" and "It feels... complete when you're here, Jacob. Like all my family is together." I hated reading that. He should've imprinted on that nice girl Lizzie, from the park. Surely Stephenie Meyer could've come up with something else to keep Nessie alive?
Onto similarly disturbing things but less revolting in the long run, Bella's story here seems to be an attempt at pro-life propaganda that backfired. The reason? Bella makes a choice about her body, and though most of them don't like it, they don't force her to do otherwise. People seem to forget that being pro-choice also means the choice to stay pregnant even when it's best not to. Bella makes that decision and she's absolutely sure of it, at the expense of her life and health, but it's hers to make. She is pitted against Edward, who would absolutely force her to have an abortion if he had backup, and who is also losing his damn mind. He insists to Jacob that Carlisle would help him if not for Esme, and that Rosalie doesn't care about Bella's life, only the baby's. Carlisle himself tells Jacob he would never take the choice away from Bella, and context shows that Rosalie is protecting Bella's choices and bodily autonomy, and carrying out her last wishes to ensure the baby is brought into the world healthy. Remember that Rosalie had all her choices taken from her, and all she wanted for Bella was for her to make the right ones. Edward doesn't change his stance until he discovers the baby has thoughts that can be read, and loves Bella. Once again, this seems to have been an attempt at showing that babies have thoughts and feelings in the womb, but it does almost the opposite as Bella is a day away from full term and not once has anything been picked up by either him or Jasper before that point. It's safe to assume there was nothing to pick up on.
The pregnancy ends with a truly horrifying birth scene that made my hands go numb and my ears ring from the violence of it all. Bella dies, Jacob imprints on a minutes-old baby and begins his journey as a child groomer, and then Bella comes back and begins her transformation.
Book 3: Bella. Or as I like to call it: It all goes downhill from here.
Bella has the most unrealistic yet brutal experience ever, and is now a super sexy, super perfect, super powerful, super smart vampire. She has a perfect baby, perfect control of her bloodlust, and somehow the perfect life. But oh no! The Volturi are threatening that peace! Who could have predicted that the last remaining villains would appear in the last book? Now Bella and the rest of the Cullens have to find their friends to stop the Volturi in their track, but peacefully of course, because they are the good guys really! Just a misunderstanding! I'm so glad that was addressed in story, because I would not have been able to deal with a pro-police/pro-dictator story in this political climate. The most unrealistic part of this is when the Volturi don't simply assert their vampire dominance over them by killing them all without taking their own witnesses.
I didn't like how Bella suddenly became perfect and good at everything in this book. It's so unrealistic. Less than a month to become the strongest shield ever and be able to scare the ancient Volturi? Perfect control on her first hunt? I think not thank you. There was also a missed opportunity to have Bella be a psychic of some kind since she dreamt of the future accurately many times. Renesmee was very sweet though, and that's all I'll say on that. Now onto my lists!
Differences between book and film
This was mostly pretty accurate in terms of plot.
- Edward's backstory that we see pre-wedding isn't a thing in the book. It actually isn't a thing in any of the main books, but I can't speak for the others.
- Bella knows about the immortal children before the book even starts, and she's the one to realise that Irina thought Renesmee was one herself.
- The wedding is inside. The film had it outside I'm pretty sure.
- The whole part where Jacob freaks out and borrows a very fancy sports car to go and try to find his imprint was never in the films, and I think that's a tragedy.
Vampires
- The appearance of the nicknames Em and Jazz for Emmett and Jasper. It's not at all important I just thought it was cute.
- Half vampire babies use their teeth to escape the womb. Also, Renesmee was trying to be careful to not hurt Bella while she was still inside her. She started reading when she was under 3 months. If I saw a baby read aloud in full sentences I'd never sleep again.
- Edward called Jacob "Jake" in book 3. It's weird how their relationship changes throughout the book.
- Poor Renesmee knows it's because of her that the Volturi are coming, and says "This is my fault." She's just a few months old at this point, and she's already going through a whole lot.
- The volturi look like someone threw baby powder on them because they sat still for so long they started "petrifying".
- There are 32 Volturi members, considering they took the whole coven with them to Forks.
- Fun Bella fact: she was going to let Charlie assume what was up with her because she thinks he will never decide on vampire.
Red Flags
Most of these have been discussed in depth so I'll just mention them briefly.
- Edward, pre wedding, is described as having a "panic attack" by Bella at the thought of hurting her, and instead of reassuring him she brushes him off and thinks "He wasn't getting out of this deal. Not after insisting I marry him first." This is beyond selfish and even cruel, because he has a point and genuine concerns that should have been discussed properly.
- "We're going to get that thing out before it can hurt any part of you." Edward has decided this for himself, without Bella's input.
- Jacob contemplates suicide over the thought of having to see Leah. This is absolutely not something that should be talked about like it's nothing.
- The imprinting of Quil and Claire.
- Every bit of foreshadowing about Jacob imprinting on Renesmee, and the act itself.
- Rosalie calls the place in South America where the half vampire myths originated "a disease-infested swamp with a medicine man smearing sloth spit across your face" in relation to giving birth there, and it's more than a little racist. How would she even know what it's like?
- "the Egyptians all looked so alike, with their midnight hair and olive-toned pallor, that they could have easily passed for a biological family" The white, blonde Denali sisters were never ever described this way, so why are the non-white people described as such?
- Bella had "never met any vampires less civilized" than the Amazons. They have long black braids, so we can assume they aren't white. Why are only the non-white vampires being described these ways?
- Bella describes the rough area where she met 1 person, who was working for J Jenks and happened to be Black, but was well dressed in rich clothes, as the "ghetto address". Upon googling, I learnt that this refers to low income areas of a city that are occupied by minorities. She met one person. How could she possibly know if it was the "ghetto"? It was described as the "downtown office" by Max, the man in question, so why wouldn't she just use that term?
- Jacob gives Renesmee the Quileute equivalent of a promise ring. I want to throw up, because we all know what a promise ring symbolises.
- Lastly but certainly not leastly, when learning Renesmee will be full grown at age 7, Bella feels a "shudder" from Jacob. I hate it, it's gross, it needs to burn. Disgusting.
And that's that, sorry it's so long, I had a lot to say. If you have any opinions on this review, feel free to discuss with me!
#twilight#twilight renaissance#breaking dawn#book review#book blogger#Books and Literature#next up is Midnight Sun!!
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15. Mind Over Matter
Read on AO3
Despite crawling along the highway at an agonizing speed—solely for Beau’s benefit, not mine—the drive was exhilarating. I felt free and relaxed, driving along the road with my hand on his thigh, his arm around mine. I tried not to stare at him, but I couldn’t help it. The golden sunset wasn’t even a fraction as beautiful as he was—his ivory face, his brown curls blowing in the wind from the open windows, his arm wrapped around mine.
I sang along with the radio as we drove, he watched me, a smile on his face.
“You like fifties music?” He asked.
“Music in the fifties was good. Much better than the sixties, or the seventies, ugh!” I shuddered, recalling how ghastly that entire decade had been—far too opulent and overdone. “The eighties were bearable.”
“Are you ever going to tell me how old you are?” He asked tentatively, like he was worried about upsetting me.
“Does it matter much?” I smiled, amused.
“No, but I still wonder…” He shrugged. “There’s nothing like an unsolved mystery to keep you up at night.”
Didn’t I know it.
“I wonder if it will upset you,” I said, gazing into the sun. I was unsure if I wanted to answer.
“Try me,” He said after a few minutes.
I sighed, and looked into his eyes, trying to find some excuse to avoid the subject, but his eyes were warm and full of patience and understanding. He could handle this, I could see that. I looked back into the setting sun, the light casting light off my skin as I spoke.
“I was born in Chicago in 1901.” I paused, glancing at him from the corner of my eyes. His face was even and patient. I smiled and his understanding and continued. “Carlisle found me in a hospital dying of the Spanish influenza. I was just seventeen, nearly eighteen.”
The tiniest intake of breath made me nervous for a moment, I looked down into his eyes again. I couldn’t tell what he was thinking, whatever it was his face didn’t show anything at all.
“I don’t remember it well—it was a very long time ago, and human memories fade.” Even with the benefits afforded by being one of my kind, even when first changed, human memories are seen through the veil of humanity. From the moment one of my kind opens their eyes, human memories are already fading into obscurity, only the memories of your new life stay vibrant. “I do remember how it felt, when Carlisle saved me. It’s not an easy thing, not something you could forget.”
“Your parents?”
“They had already died from the disease. I was alone. That was why he chose me. In all the chaos of the epidemic, no one would ever realize I was gone.”
“How did he… save you?”
I didn’t want to tell him at first, I didn’t want to explain the process—I didn’t want it to even be an option. I chose my words carefully. “It was difficult. Not many of us have the restraint to accomplish it. But Carlisle has always been the most humane, the most compassionate of us… I don’t think you could find his equal throughout all of history.” I paused, considering how much I wanted to share. “For me, it was merely very, very painful.”
My jaw set, my lips pressed tight. I hoped he wouldn’t ask me for more details… I didn’t want to give them. I glanced, quickly at his expression. His eyes were on fire with curiosity, but I could tell he was doing his best to suppress his questions. I could appreciate his willingness to leave me some secrets… I could give him a few more details. I could tell what the biggest question was, so I answered softly.
“He acted from loneliness. That’s usually the reason behind the choice. I was the first in Carlisle’s family, though he found Esme soon after. She fell from a cliff. They brought her straight to the hospital morgue, though, somehow, her heart was still beating.”
Understanding seemed to light his expression. “So you must be dying, then, to become…” He trailed off, the word hung heavily in the cab of the truck.
“No, that’s just Carlisle. He would never do that to someone who had another choice.” It was something I always admired about Carlisle; that he would never damn someone to this existence if they had another choice. “It is easier he says, though, if the blood is weak.” My eyes followed the long, dark road ahead of us and I was lost in my thoughts.
“And Emmett and Royal?” he asked, quietly.
“Carlisle brought Royal to our family next. I didn’t realize till much later that he was hoping he would be to me what Esme was to him—he was careful with his thoughts around me.” I rolled my eyes at the memories. “But he was never more than a brother. It was only two years later that Royal found Emmett. Royal was hunting—we were in Appalachia at the time—and found a bear about to finish him off. He carried him back to Carlisle, more than a hundred miles, afraid he wouldn’t be able to do it himself. I’m only beginning to guess how difficult that journey was for him.” I threw a pointed look at Beau and brushed his cheek with my hand. Knowing now what I knew, experiencing what I had, I had to acknowledge the newfound respect I had for Royal, as much of a brat as he could be.
“But he made it,” Beau said, looking away from my eyes.
“Yes,” I murmured. “Royal saw something in Emmett’s face that made him strong enough. And they’ve been together ever since. Sometimes they live separately from us, as a married couple. But the younger we pretend to be, the longer we can stay in any given place. Forks seemed perfect, so we all enrolled in high school.” I laughed, as a thought came to me. “I suppose we’ll have to go to their wedding in a few years, again.”
“Alice and Jasper?”
“Alice and Jasper are two very rare creatures. They both developed a conscience, as we refer to it, with no outside guidance. Jasper belonged to another… family, a very different kind of family. He became depressed, and he wandered on his own. Alice found him. Like me, she has certain gifts above and beyond the norm for our kind.”
“Really?” He interrupted, fascination in his voice. “But you said you were the only one who could hear people’s thoughts.”
“That’s true. She knows other things. She sees things—things that might happen, things that are coming. But it’s very subjective. The future isn’t set in stone. Things change.”
Alice’s visions of Beau—the ones I hated, the ones where he was like me—flashed through my mind. My jaw locked, and my eyes flashed to his face for just a moment.
“What kinds of things does she see?” He asked.
“She saw Jasper and knew that he was looking for her before he knew it himself. She saw Carlisle and our family, and they came together to find us. She’s most sensitive to non-humans. She always sees, for example when another group of our kind is coming near. And any threat they may pose.”
“Are there a lot of…” He paused, shying away from the obvious word. “Your kind?”
“No, not many. But most won’t settle in any one place. Only those like us, who’ve given up hunting you people”—I glanced in his direction with a sly grin—“can live together with humans for any length of time. We’ve only found one other family like ours, in a small village in Alaska. We lived together for a time, but there were so many of us that we became too noticeable. Those of us who live… differently tend to band together.”
“And the others?”
“Nomads for the most part. We’ve all lived that way at times. It gets tedious, like anything else. But we run across the others now and then, because most of us prefer the North.”
“Why is that?”
I pulled up to his house, and cut the ignition of the truck. We sat in the darkness of the moonless night. A quick glance at the dark porch told me that his father hadn’t arrived home yet. Good. I had more time with him. I was becoming excessively greedy.
“Did you have your eyes open this afternoon?” I teased. “Do you think I could walk down the street in the sunlight without causing traffic accidents? There’s a reason why we chose the Olympic Peninsula, one of the most sunless places in the world. It’s nice to be able to go outside in the day. You wouldn’t believe how tired you can get of nighttime over the years.”
“So that’s where the legends came from?” he surmised.
“Probably.”
“And Alice is from another family, like Jasper?”
“No, and that is a mystery.” One that we had all been trying to solve for years. Alice was content enough with how things were, but a part of her still wondered. She would never tell anyone—even Jasper—how much she wondered about her human life. It was a secret she shared only with me. “Alice doesn’t remember her human life at all. And she doesn’t know who created her. She awoke alone. Whoever made her walked away, and none of us understand why, or how, he could. If she hadn’t had that other sense, if she hadn’t seen Jasper and Carlisle and that she would someday become one of us, she probably would have turned into to a total savage.”
For all my teasing of her, I admired Alice. I admired her patience and her ability to trust in futures that were as permanent as footprints in the sand. The tide always came in, and those glimmering futures were suddenly washed away. And yet, Alice never faltered.
Beau seemed just as engrossed in his thoughts as I was, then, suddenly, his stomach growled loudly. I had forgotten, again, how often humans needed to eat. I would have to be better at that.
“I’m sorry,” I smiled, “I’m keeping you from dinner.”
“I’m fine, really.” He shifted in his seat, his hand lingering over his stomach.
“I’ve never spent much time around anyone who eats food. I forget.” I apologized.
“I want to stay with you.” His voice was quiet, and even in the darkness, I could easily see the crimson color of his cheeks.
“Can’t I come in?” I surprised myself with how forward I was being, but it was too late to take it back and I did want to spend more time with him.
“Would you like to?” He sounded doubtful.
“Yes, if it’s all right.” I said, then I stepped out of the truck and walked around it to open his door for him before my door had finished closing.
He smiled as he slid out of the truck. “Very human,” he nodded toward my hand on the door.
“It’s definitely resurfacing.” Among other human impulses.
He kept glancing at me as we walked toward his front door. There was something strange in his glance, but I couldn’t place it. He seemed deep in thought.
I reached the door first, I grabbed the key I had seen him use from its hiding spot under the eave, unlocked the door, and held it open for him. He paused halfway through the frame.
“Did I forget to lock the door this morning?” The confused expression on his face was adorable.
“No, I used the key from under the eave.”
He blinked once, then stepped inside. He turned the porch light on and turned back to me with his eyebrows raised. Ah. He was wondering how I knew about the key. He had never used it in front of me. I only knew about it from my secret visits to his house.
There was no point in lying. “I was curious about you,” I confessed.
“You spied on me?” His face and voice were incredulous.
I felt the guilty expression spread across my face. I was losing my ability to conceal my emotions around him! “What else is there to do at night?”
I worried that he would press the conversation further. If he was upset that I knew about the key, he probably wouldn’t like that I had been letting myself into his bedroom at night. I was relieved when let out a small sigh and headed toward the small kitchen. I beat him there and sat down in one of the mismatched chairs. He stared at me for a moment before turning to the fridge.
His eyes stayed locked on whatever it was he pulled out of the fridge. He put a chunk of it on a plate and set it in the microwave, watching it revolve. The kitchen was filled with the sharp smell of herbs and spices. My nose wrinkled slightly in response.
I watched him standing there, wondering how upset he would be if I told him about my nightly visits. I didn’t want to think about that, though. Instead, I flipped through what little knowledge I had of human food, wondering if perhaps I could learn to cook for him. He might like that for a change.
“How often?” He suddenly asked, his voice low and even.
“Hmmm?”
He didn’t turn to face me. “How often did you come here?”
There was no avoiding it. I had hoped he wouldn’t ask, but there was no point in lying or avoiding the question. I would be honest.
“I come here almost every night.” I held my breath, waiting anxiously for his response.
He spun around to face me, his face stunned. “Edward!” His voice scolded me. “Why?”
“You’re interesting when you sleep.” I confessed, my guilt apparent on my face. “You talk.” I said quietly.
“No!” He gasped, his face turning scarlet. He stumbled back slightly and caught himself on the countertop. His eyes were wide and angry.
“Are you very angry with me?” It was obvious he was, but I hoped he wasn’t too upset.
“Oh, I’m angry. But how angry I am depends…” He was breathless, his tone was livid.
I waited anxiously. I felt terrible. He had every right to be angry, after all. When he didn’t finish his sentence, I pressed for more.
“On?” I urged.
“What you heard!” He wailed.
I hurried to his side, taking his warm hands in mine.
“Please don’t be upset!” I begged, dropping my face so our eyes were level, trying to hold his gaze. He wouldn’t look straight at me, though. So he was very upset with me. I should confess everything I had heard.
“You miss your mother,” I breathed. “You worry about her. And when it rains, the sound makes you restless. You used to talk about home a lot, but it’s less often now. Once you said ‘it’s too green.’” I chuckled softly, hoping I wasn’t upsetting him further.
“Anything else?” He demanded.
I hung my head, I wouldn’t be able to charm my way out of this. “You did say my name,” I said.
He sighed, sounding defeated. “A lot?”
“How much do you mean by ‘a lot,’ exactly?”
“Oh, god!” His face went deep red again.
I pulled him into my, resting his face against my cold chest, feeling terrible.
“I’m so sorry, I know I shouldn’t have. Please, don’t be self-conscious,” I whispered into his ear. “If I could dream at all, it would be of you. And I’m not ashamed of it.”
I was so engrossed in him, that I was almost surprised by the sound of tires on the brick driveway. Headlights flashed through the front windows, and he stiffened in my arms, his heart suddenly pounding.
“Should your father know I’m here?” I wondered.
“I’m not sure…” His eyes lingered on my bare chest and stomach, “probably not like this…”
“Another time then…” I breathed, and gently pulled myself away, hurrying up the stairs to his bedroom.
“Edward!” I heard him hiss.
I chuckled in response as I slipped into his bedroom.
I took my usual place on the old rocking chair and listened intently. I could hear the sound of a key in the door before it opened.
“Beau?” Charlie called as he stepped into the entryway. His thoughts were fatigued this evening.
“In here.” Beau called back, there was a panicked edge to his voice. Hopefully Charlie was too tired to hear, because Beau was a terrible liar. The microwave door opened, followed by the sound of a plate scraping as it was pulled out. Charlie’s footsteps headed toward the kitchen.
“Can you get me some of that? I’m bushed.”
Beau didn’t respond, but I could hear his fork on his plate amidst sounds of him preparing a second plate for Charlie. Then a cabinet door opening, water being poured into a cup—no, two cups. I chuckled quietly to myself when I heard Beau gulp down one of the glasses, he was too nervous! One of the chairs scraped as someone sat in it, I imagined it was probably Charlie.
“Thanks,” Charlie said and I heard the sound of a plate being set on the table.
“How was your day?” Beau asked in a rushed voice. I rolled my eyes. He would need to get better at this.
“Good. The fish were biting…” Charlie did sound pleased. “Did you get everything done that you wanted to?”
“Not really—it was too nice to stay indoors.”
“It was a nice day,” Charlie agreed, then the tone of his thoughts became slightly suspicious. “In a hurry?”
“Yeah, I’m tired.” Beau said. “I’m going to bed early.”
“You look kind of keyed up,” Charlie was most definitely suspicious.
“Do I?” Beau asked, trying to sound casual or surprised I guessed. He failed, though, and just sounded nervous. I could hear the sound of something being scrubbed under water.
“It’s Saturday,” Charlie mused.
“It is.” Beau agreed.
“No plans tonight?” Charlie asked suddenly.
“No, Dad, I just want to get some sleep.”
“So…” Charlie began, “None of the boys in town your type, eh?”
I listened, even more intently, to hear Beau’s answer.
“No, none of the boys in town have caught my eye yet.” I could hear a hint of a smile in Beau’s voice, and he emphasized the word boys in an odd way, but I doubted Charlie caught it.
“I thought maybe that Mike Newton… you said he was friendly.”
I felt a surge of anger hearing the Newton brat’s name, coupled with a surge of jealousy and frustration that Charlie considered Newton a worthy match for his beautiful son.
“He’s just a friend, Dad.” Beau said, a tinge of annoyance in his voice that pleased me greatly. “and dating my other friend.”
“Well, you’re too good for them all, anyway. Wait till you get to college to start looking.” Charlie sounded pleased.
“Sounds like a good idea to me,” Beau agreed and it sounded like he was heading toward the stairs.
“Night, son,” Charlie called after him, suspicion still in his thoughts.
“See you in the morning, Dad.”
Beau was walking in a strangely labored manner up the stairs. I stood, ready to greet him. My hands moved to button my shirt, but I paused. He seemed to enjoy my shirt being open, and I was already being forward by inviting myself in, wasn’t I? I left my shirt as it was and kicked off my shoes, ready to make myself comfortable.
Beau stepped in the dark room, turning around to loudly close the door. Then, without looking toward the corner where I stood, he sprinted lightly to the window and threw it open, leaning out and scanning the shadows outside. It was amazing how someone so intelligent and observant could miss the ghost white vampire standing in the corner of his room not three feet away from him.
“Edward?” He whispered into the night.
I decided to have some fun, I silently dashed behind him and sprawled out across his bed, clasping my hands behind my head and letting my feet hang off the end. “Yes?” I chuckled.
I spun around, a hand flying to his suddenly pounding heart.
“You scared me!” He scolded.
“I’m sorry.” I had to press my lips together to keep from laughing.
“Just give me a minute to restart my heart.” He breathed slowly.
I moved slowly, so I wouldn’t startle him again. I sat up and leaned forward so I could reach his arms to pull him onto the bed beside me. He seemed to go slightly limp at my touch, in a relaxed way.
“Why don’t you sit with me,” I smiled, checking his heart rate with my hand on his chest, “How’s the heart?”
“You tell me—I’m sure you hear it better than I do.”
He was correct, I could easily hear his heart as it beat erratically against his chest. I chuckled quietly.
We sat for a moment in silence and I listened to his heartbeat calm and slow. After a few minutes his heart sped up again suddenly, and his body seemed to stiffen next to me on the bed.
“Can I have a minute to be human?” he asked, suddenly.
“Certainly.” I gestured for him to proceed.
“Stay,” he said, a serious expression on his face.
“Yes, sir.” I replied, matching his tone and becoming still as a statue perched on his bed. He observed my stillness for a brief second, then dashed to his dresser and pulled out a few garments before hurrying out of the room.
His steps were louder than usual as he moved through the house, then I heard a door bang loudly.
I waited, listening intently. The sound of a sink turning on, a sharp smell of chemical mint—toothpaste, perhaps? After several minutes I could hear the sound of a shower turning on. The smell of the shampoo Beau used wafted from the bathroom. If I listened very carefully I could hear Beau’s heartbeat, slowing and speeding up then slowing again. It was a beautiful sound. Like nothing else.
I wondered where the night would go from here. This was a different experience for me entirely. Of course, I had been here many times but never when Beau was awake. My thoughts became chagrined when I remembered how upset with me he had been to know I was sneaking in every night.
My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the water shutting off, and after a moment the bathroom door opening. Beau’s clumsy footsteps moved down the stairs.
“Night, Dad.” He called.
“Night, Beau.” Charlie’s voice was even, but the tone of his thoughts were surprised.
Beau’s steps bounded back up the stairs—was he taking them two at a time? His door flew open, and he closed it quickly behind him before turning to look at me. He smiled, and I felt my lips twitch in response.
He smelled especially good, likely the hot water of the shower. His brown hair was damp and hung in his face, the old shirt he was wearing was thin with a few holes and…
Oh.
I only let myself glance at his lack of pants, not wanting to be ungentlemanly. I raised my eyebrows in surprise at his undergarments.
“Sorry,” his face was crimson, “I can put on a pair of sweatpants.”
I felt a strange exhilaration deep in my stomach, not unlike the feeling when I had kissed him before. “Is this what you usually wear?” I asked in a low voice, trying to keep it calm despite my growing excitement.
“You tell me.” He said flatly, narrowing his eyes.
I could only smile sheepishly as I was the guilty party, “You’re always wrapped in a blanket.” I tried to be effusive. The feeling deep inside me was taking over my better judgement—and my gentlemanly urges—and I grinned at him, “But this looks quite good.”
“Thanks,” he whispered, crossing the room to sit back down at my side. He crossed his legs under himself and his eyes dropped to the floor.
“What was all that for?” I asked.
“Charlie thinks I’m sneaking out.”
“Oh.” Is that what Charlie was thinking? His thoughts did have an air of suspicion to them before… “Why?”
“Apparently, I look a little overexcited.”
I gently lifted his chin so I could examine his face.
“Are you?”
“Maybe,” he breathed.
“You look very warm, actually.”
I bent my face slowly to his, laying my cold cheek against his burning skin. He was almost as still as I could be.
I inhaled the warmth of his scent, the heat of skin, “Mmmmmm…,” I breathed out slowly.
His heart was starting to speed up again, and his breathing became strangely irregular. I could feel his jaw flex and relax.
“It seems to be…” he paused, like he couldn’t form the words, “much easier for you, now, to be close to me.”
“Does it seem that way to you?” I murmured, and I let my nose trace the line of his jaw. I reached my hand out and wrapped it around his waist, pulling him closer to me. I was having a hard time being… good. I pressed my lips to the hollow beneath his ear.
“Much, much easier,” he said, breathing in too much without exhaling.
“Hmm.” I couldn’t form sentences, I was too enthralled by him to speak. I wanted more contact with him.
“So I was wondering…,” He began, but stopped short as I began to trace his collarbone with my finger.
I was rather enjoying this. “Yes?” I breathed.
“Why is that,” his voice was shaking, and I felt his skin flush with embarrassment, “do you think?”
I chuckled softly, “Mind over matter.” I said simply, because it was true.
But then he pulled away from me and I froze. The sudden movement startled me and I stopped breathing, clenching my jaw, worried that I had upset him or scared him.
We stared at each other cautiously, his expression seemed slightly incredulous but there was no fear in his eyes. I was confused.
“Did I do something wrong?”
“No—the opposite. You’re driving me crazy,” he explained.
I was driving him crazy? Was he really enjoying this as much as I was? “Really?” I smiled, triumphantly pleased with myself.
“Would you like a round of applause?” He asked sarcastically.
I grinned.
“I’m just pleasantly surprised,” I said. “In the last hundred years or so,” I teased, “I never imagined anything like this. I didn’t believe I would ever find someone who I wanted to be with… in another way than my brothers and sister. And then to find, even though it’s all new to me, that I’m good at it… at being with you…” I let the sentence trail off, because there were no words to describe my absolute pleasure.
“You’re very good at it,” He said pointedly.
I shrugged, casually, grinning widely like it was nothing. We both laughed in hushed tones.
I contemplative look passed over his face, then his skeptic eyes met mine. “But how can it be so easy now? This afternoon…” He trailed off.
“It’s not easy,” I sighed in response. “But this afternoon, I was still…” How could I explain it to him? “Undecided. I am very sorry about that, it was unforgiveable for me to behave so.”
“Not unforgivable,” he disagreed, no doubt being kind to me.
“Thank you.” I smiled at his gesture. “You see,” I dropped my eyes from his as the shame overtook me, “I wasn’t sure if I was strong enough…” I took one of his hands in mine and pressed it lightly to my cold face. “And while there was still that possibility that I might be… overcome”—I inhaled the intoxicating scent on his wrist, better than any cologne—“I was… susceptible. Until I made up my mind that I was strong enough, that there was no possibility at all that I would… that I ever could…”
I had never had such difficulty expressing myself before, never had to work so hard to find the words. I wondered what he was thinking of me in this moment.
“So there’s no possibility now?” His voice was soft.
“Mind over matter,” I said again, smiling.
“Well, that was easy,” he said in a dull monotone.
I couldn’t contain the laugh that erupted from my lips, but I managed to modulate the volume to a quiet whisper.
“Easy for you!” I amended, running my finger along his warm jaw.
But I could not laugh at the darker thoughts that crept into my mind—the self-doubt that shook my confidence.
“I’m trying,” I whispered. “If it gets to be… too much, I’m fairly sure I’ll be able to leave.”
“Fairly sure is… good.”
“And it will be harder tomorrow,” I continued. “I’ve had the scent of you in my head all day, and I’ve grown amazingly desensitized. If I’m away from you for any length of time, I’ll have to start over again. Not quite from scratch, though, I think.”
“Don’t go away, then,” he said quickly, a sound of deep longing in his voice.
The passion in his voice caught me by surprise for a moment, but the sentiment in his voice warmed me from the inside, filling me with excitement. “That suits me,” I smiled. “Bring on the shackles—I’m your prisoner.” I held my wrists out to him and he wrapped his warm, fragile fingers around them. It was humorous, in a way. His hands were no more effective than glass against stone; wall of fragile glass trying to hold back an avalanche. Yet, I would be held here. Not by his strength, for it was nothing compared to my own, but by the love and adoration I felt for him. That love formed manacles stronger than even me. Nothing could break these bonds.
He stared down his hands around my wrists and bit his bottom lip, a strange tenseness in his body. I laughed at his strange expression, trying to understand the thoughts behind it.
“You seem more… optimistic than usual,” he said, seeming distracted. “I haven’t seen you like this before.”
“Isn’t it supposed to be like this?” I smiled. “The glory of first love, and all that. It’s incredible, isn’t it, the difference between reading about something, seeing it in the pictures, and experiencing it?”
“Very different,” he nodded. “More forceful than I’d imagined.”
I continued, speaking my thoughts as soon as they came into my mind. “For example, the emotion of jealousy. I’ve read about it a hundred thousand times, seen actors portray it in a thousand different plays and films. I believed I understood that one pretty clearly. But it shocked me…” A thought that displeased me made me grimace. “Do you remember the day that Mike asked you to the dance?”
He nodded, a bemused expression on his face. “The day you started talking to me again.”
“I was surprised by the flare of resentment, almost fury, that I felt—I didn’t recognize what it was at first I was even more aggravated than usual that I couldn’t know what you were thinking, why you refused him. Was it simply for your friend’s sake? Was there someone else? I knew I had no right to care either way. I tried not to care.” I paused, and decided to have a little fun with him, “And then the line started forming,” I chuckled, anticipating his reaction. He didn’t disappoint me, rolling his eyes in the darkness.
“I waited, unreasonably anxious to hear what you would say to them, to watch your expressions. I couldn’t deny the relief I felt, watching the annoyance on your face. But I couldn’t be sure.
“That was the first night I came here. I wrestled all night, while watching you sleep, with the chasm between what I knew was right, moral, ethical, and what I wanted. I knew that if I continued to ignore you as I should, or if I left for a few years, till you were gone, that someday you might say yes to Mike, or someone like him. It made me angry.”
I watched his face as my voice dropped to a soft whisper, “And then, as you were sleeping, you said my name. You spoke so clearly. At first, I thought you’d woken. But you rolled over restlessly and mumbled my name once more and sighed. The feeling that coursed through me was unnerving, staggering. And I knew I couldn’t ignore you any longer.” I paused, listening to the rising rhythm of his heart, it was practically hypnotic.
“But jealousy… it’s a strange thing. So much more powerful than I would have thought. And irrational! Just now, when Charlie asked you about that vile Mike Newton…” I shook my head, trying to calm myself down.
“I should have known you’d be listening.” He sighed.
“I’m sorry.”
“That made you feel jealous, though, really?” He raised an eyebrow at me.
“I’m new at this; you’re resurrecting the human in me, and everything feels stronger because it’s fresh.”
“But honestly,” his voice was teasing, “for that to bother you, after I have to hear that Royal—Royal, the incarnation of masculine beauty, Royal—was meant for you. Emmett or no Emmett, how can I compete with that?”
I had to smile at the ridiculous of his words. The utterly absurdity that Royal could hold my attention or heart in any capacity. I had to remind myself that Beau only knew of Royal’s physical beauty, and nothing of the vain, obnoxious brat that lay underneath Royal’s entrancing exterior.
“There’s no competition.” I said simply, taking his hands and drawing them around my body, pressing him into my chest. He stayed unnaturally still for him, his breathing seemed slow and careful.
“I know there’s no competition,” he mumbled into my chest. “That’s the problem.”
I rolled my eyes. “Of course, Royal is beautiful in his way, but even if he wasn’t like a brother to me, even if Emmett didn’t hold his heart, he could never have one tenth, no, one hundredth of the attraction you hold for me.” I considered that attraction, the all-encompassing power of it. “For all these years I’ve walked among my kind, and yours… all the time thinking I was complete in myself, not realizing what I was seeking. And not finding anything, because you weren’t alive yet.”
“It hardly seems fair,” he whispered, his face on my bare chest. “I haven’t had to wait at all. Why should I get off so easily?”
“You’re right,” I agreed, amused by his observation. “I should make this harder for you, definitely.” I quickly took both his hands in one of mine and held them above his head, my other hand gently traced down his arm to his neck, gently turning his head to the side so I could run my lips along his jaw. I breathed against his hot skin, “you only have to risk your life every second you spend with me, that’s surely not much. You only have to turn your back on nature, on humanity… what’s that worth?”
“I don’t feel that deprived, to be honest.” He exhaled the words.
His blood was coursing through his veins, his body heat rising. His breathing becoming more labored as his heart started racing, though he was sitting perfectly still. It all reminded me of how human he was. How much he could lose, how much he would be giving up, all to be with me. How was it fair? It wasn’t. He would regret it all one day, I could be sure of that. I knew the ache of missing humanity, perhaps better than anyone else in my family, because I could see the results of that loss in them, in every one of our kind we had met. Beau would regret it one day, he would miss it, and he would resent me for it. He didn’t feel deprived?
“Not yet.” I said, sadly. More to myself, than to him.
He tried to pull his hands free of mine, but his strength was no match for mine. I grinned and chuckled softly as I continued to run my lips across his tensed jaw, then down his neck.
“If it’s any consolation,” he said in a shuddering breath, “You’re definitely making things a lot h—”
The sound of footsteps on the stairs caused me to freeze. I would have to pay better attention, I couldn’t hear Charlie’s thoughts, so I hadn’t realized he had decided to come check on Beau—but listening now, I could hear the tone of suspicion mingled with curiosity surrounding Beau in his mind. Beau became very still in my arms and I released his hands and disappeared into the darkest corner of his room. He sat straight up in his bed, surprise obvious on his face.
“Lie down!” I hissed from the corner.
He rolled onto his side, pulling his worn quilt around him just in time as the door of his room cracked open. Charlie quietly peeked into the room, looking to see if Beau was, in fact, in bed like he said he would be. Beau made an exaggerated show of breathing slowly and evenly, I imagined he believed he looked like he was asleep, I held my breath so as not to chuckle. Only I could hear the loud thumping of Beau’s erratic heartbeat that proved he was awake.
Charlie watched him for a minute, before quietly closing the door and heading back downstairs. Beau stayed perfectly still, until I gently slid into the bed next to him, wrapping my arm around him under the quilt. I pressed my lips to his ear.
“You are a terrible actor—I’d say that career path is out for you.”
“Oh damn,” he muttered, his heart still wild in his chest.
I hummed the lullaby I had composed for him quietly in his ear, trying to calm him down. I paused after a moment, wondering if he’d even appreciate the gesture. “Should I sing you to sleep?”
“Right,” he laughed. “Like I could sleep with you here!”
“You do it all the time,” I replied.
“But I didn’t know you were here,” he said with a sharp iciness to his tone.
I ignored his tone, trying to distract him from his frustration. “So if you don’t want to sleep…,” I trailed off, suggestively. His breath caught.
“If I don’t want to sleep…?” He repeated.
I chuckled. “What do you want to do then?”
He didn’t answer, I wondered what he was contemplating.
“I’m not sure,” he said finally.
“Tell me when you decide.” I breathed against his neck, running my nose along his jaw, inhaling his scent.
“I thought you were desensitized.”
“Just because I’m resisting the wine, doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate the bouquet,” I whispered. “You have a very beautiful smell,” I clumsily tried to explain the different notes and subtleties of his scent, “Like lavender… or freesia with hints of…” I inhaled again, “vanilla, and orange flower,” I sighed. “It’s mouthwatering.”
“Yeah, it’s an off day when I don’t get somebody telling me how edible I smell.”
I chuckled at his disinterested monotone, then I sighed, chagrined by how casually he could say something like that.
“I’ve decided what I want to do,” he said. “I want to hear more about you.”
“Ask me anything.”
He was silent for only a moment. “Why do you do it?” he asked. “I still don’t understand how you can work so hard to resist what you… are. Please don’t misunderstand, of course I’m glad that you do. I just don’t see why you would bother in the first place.”
It was such a complicated question. Such a heavy question, but not an unfamiliar question. I considered the best way to answer him. “That’s a good question, and you are not the first one to ask it. The others—the majority of our kind who are quite content with our lot—they, too, wonder at how we live. But you see, just because we’ve been… dealt a certain hand… it doesn’t mean we can’t choose to rise above—to conquer the boundaries of a destiny that none of us wanted. To try to retain whatever essential humanity we can…”
He was completely still, his breathing slow and even.
“Did you fall asleep?” I whispered after a few minutes.
“No.”
“Is that all you were curious about?”
He rolled his eyes. “Not quite.”
“What else do you want to know?”
“Why can you read minds—why only you? And Alice, seeing the future… why does that happen?”
I shrugged, not having a proper answer for him. “We don’t really know. Carlisle has a theory… he believes that we bring something of our strongest human traits with us into the next life, where they are intensified—like our minds, and our senses. He thinks that I must have already been very sensitive to the thoughts of those around me. And that Alice had some precognition, wherever she was.”
“What did he bring into the next life, and the others?”
“Carlisle brought his compassion. Esme brought her ability to love passionately. Emmett brought his strength, Royal his…” I struggled for a kind way to phrase what I wanted to say. “Tenacity. Or you could call it pigheadedness,” I chuckled. “Jasper is very interesting. He was quite charismatic in his first life, able to influence those around him to see things his way. Now he is able to manipulate the emotions of those around him—calm down a room of angry people, for example, or excite a lethargic crowd. It’s a very subtle gift.”
I waited for him to speak again, but he was quiet, his eyes gazing off into his room focusing on nothing.
“So where did it all start? I mean, Carlisle changed you, and then someone must have changed him, and so on….”
“Well, where did you come from? Evolution? Creation? Couldn’t we have evolved in the same way as other species, predator and prey? Didn’t the world produce both the angelfish and the shark, the baby seal and the killer whale? Couldn’t it create both our kinds together?”
“Let me get this straight—I’m the baby seal, right?”
“Right.” I laughed, pressing my lips to his soft hair.
His head twitched slightly, like he wanted to turn to face me but changed his mind. I didn’t like that. I wanted him to face me, I wanted… I wanted more than for him to face me. I prepared myself, flexed my self-control.
“Beau?”
He turned his head and I agilely moved my body slightly on top of his, careful not to crush him under me. One of my hands moved to his cheek and the other rested at his waist. I could do this again. I tried to keep my movement slow and controlled as I leaned forward and pressed my cold lips to his warm, soft lips. His pulse instantly quickened, and his arms wrapped around my neck with halting excitement. He ran his hands through my hair, catching strands between his fingers and it triggered some deep, animalistic urge inside of me; a low growl of pleasure escaped my throat. Beau was becoming more relaxed, more urgent, and I was matching him. Suddenly, he pulled himself away from me, panting softly. He gazed up at me, his eyes wide and hungry. I could see the reflection of my own, frenzied, hungry expression in the silvery pool of his gaze.
“Did I do something wrong?” I asked, confused, my voice husky.
“Not at all,” he breathed, “I need a minute this time.”
I smiled, “Are you ready to sleep?” I worked to calm myself down. “Or do you have any more questions?”
“Only a million or two.”
“We have tomorrow, and the next day, and the next….,” I offered and he smiled euphorically at my words.
“Are you sure you won’t disappear?”
“I won’t leave you.” It was a vow, a promise. Nothing could force me away from this boy.
“One more, then, tonight…” he blushed, the heat radiating off his skin.
“What is it?”
“No, forget it. I changed my mind.”
“Beau you can ask me anything.”
But he didn’t answer, and I felt that familiar swell of frustration, intensified by his sudden quiet.
“I keep thinking it will get less frustrating, not hearing your thoughts. But it just gets worse and worse.”
“I’m glad you can’t read my thoughts.” He retorted. “It’s bad enough that you eavesdropped on my sleep-talking.”
“Please?” I begged, using my most persuasive voice.
But he shook his head.
“If you don’t tell me, I’ll just assume it’s something much worse than it is,” I warned. “Please?” I pleaded.
“Well,” he began, tentatively.
“Yes?”
“Okay… Umm…” He fidgeted, nervously. His pulse was quickening. “Wow, this isn’t easy.” He took a deep breath. “Okay, so, you said that Royal and Emmett have been a couple for a long time… right?”
“Yes…” I said slowly, confused.
“They’ve… gotten married?”
“Yes.” I repeated, still utterly lost by his train of thought.
“They’ve…” he struggled for another moment with his words. “Had wedding nights?” he finally asked, and the sudden understanding made me laugh.
“Is that what you’re getting at?”
“Well, I didn’t want to just ask in a gross way.” He shifted.
“Yes, I suppose it’s much the same. I told you, most of those human desires are there, just hidden behind more powerful desires.”
“So, you never… before you became…” he trailed off, blushing furiously.
“No, I didn’t. There was never anyone before you.” I told him honestly, tenderly.
“Oh,” was his soft reply, “good to know.”
“Was there a purpose behind your curiosity?” I knew there was, I knew him well enough by now to know that.
“Well, I guess I did wonder… about you and me… someday…”
My body tensed, I froze. My mind raced at the thought. I had considered it once before, when speaking with Emmett. I knew it was, theoretically, possible. But how could I risk it? How could I be so irresponsible as to risk his very life for pleasure? That would be despicable of me.
“I don’t think that… that… would be possible for us.”
“Because it would be too… difficult for you, if I were that… Close?”
“That’s certainly a problem. But that’s not what I was thinking of. It’s just that you’re so soft, so fragile. I have to mind my actions every moment that we’re together so that I don’t hurt you. I could kill you quite easily, Beau, simply by accident.” I spoke softly, moving my palm to his hot cheek. “If I was too hasty… if for one second I wasn’t paying enough attention, I could reach out, meaning to touch your face, and crush your skull by mistake. You don’t realize how incredibly breakable you are. I can never, never afford to lose any kind of control when I’m with you.”
And my control was always at risk when we were any sort of… intimate. Even a simple kiss, I was fighting to keep myself in control. I couldn’t imagine—couldn’t fathom—how I could possibly keep my control if we were any more… I had to calm myself down.
“Are you scared?” I asked anxiously when he didn’t respond.
He seemed to consider the question for a moment. Then, when his heartbeat had slowed again, he spoke, “No, I’m fine.”
As relieved as I was to hear his words, a gnawing curiosity ate away at me. “I’m curious now, though. Have you ever…?” I trailed off, feeling ungentlemanly saying the words.
“No I haven’t.” he flushed scarlet. “I told you I’ve never felt like this about anyone before, not even close.”
“I know. It’s just that I know other people’s thoughts. I know love and lust don’t always keep the same company.”
“They do for me. Now, anyway, that they exist for me at all,” he sighed.
“That’s nice. We have that in common.” I was unable to hide my profound satisfaction.
“Your human instincts…,” he began. I waited, barely breathing. He continued. “Well, do you find me attractive, in that way, at all?”
I laughed, tousling his nearly dry hair.
“I may not be a human, but I am a man,” I assured him.
“Oh?”
I grinned wickedly, repining his arms above him, leaning in and brushing my lips against his ear, his heart began to race.
“Believe me.” I growled the words into his ear and a shiver ran down his body.
“I do.” The words came out strangled, his heart still beating against his chest.
“I’m not sure you do,” I pressed my lips against his ear. “Shall I tell you all the things I find attractive about you?”
“No, you don’t have to.” He breathed.
I decided I would tell him anyway. After all, any chance I had to extoll on his subtle perfections…
“It was your eyes first. You have beautiful eyes, Beau, like silver and diamonds. Utterly captivating.”
“Er, thank you…”
I chuckled softly. “I’m not alone. Nearly everyone noticed your eyes first.”
“I think you’re making that up.” He argued.
“Hardly,” I brushed my lips against his ear. “Next was your nose,” I raised my hand and gently touched the tip of his perfect nose, “and your chin.” I caught his chin between my finger and thumb. “I could go on and on if you let me.”
“You don’t have to keep going on.” He blushed.
“Mmm…” I breathed into his ear again. “I must tell you, it took me quite by surprise to realize that not only did I find you delicious, but also intelligent, fascinating, and beautiful.”
I thought again of that reckless angel that had formed Beau. The subtle perfection with which he was formed. I would forever begrudge that angel for thrusting Beau into such danger and be forever grateful to that angel for Beau’s creation in the first place.
His face burned in the darkness, I enjoyed the sensation as the heat radiated from him and warmed my own cold skin.
“Oh, and I didn’t even mention your hair.” My nose brushed through his hair, inhaling the scent.
“Now you’re just being over the top.”
“I’m truly not. Did you know that your hair is precisely the same shade as a mahogany inlaid ceiling in a monastery I once stayed at in… I think it would be Cambodia now?”
“Um, no, I did not.” A yawn escaped his lips.
I grinned, “I’ve answered your questions, now you should sleep.”
“I’m not sure if I can.”
“Do you want me to leave?” I offered, releasing his hands and slowly pulling myself away from him. It tortured me to even consider leaving, but if it was what was best for him… I would force myself to do anything that was best for him.
“No!” He said too loudly, reaching out and hooking his arms around my neck, pulling me back into him.
I laughed, and all too happily settled back next to him, wrapping him in my arms. I began softly humming his lullaby again.
After a moment, he relaxed completely, and before long he drifted off to sleep in my cold arms.
#4.15#Midnight Sun#Midnight Sun Revamped#Edward Cullen#Beau Swan#The Twilight Saga#The Twilight Saga Revamped
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