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Saving Tips for Hard Times

I found this old document where I collected a series of tips to save money. This is all part of my experience of when I was near homeless, and some work depending on where you live, some don’t. Here we go.

BILLS:

1. The optimum temperature for refrigerator operation is 5°C, and -18°C for freezer operation. As a rule of thumb, for each additional degree of refrigeration output about six percent more electricity is used.

2. Unplug your appliances. Lamps, microwave, tv, computers etc. They don't need to be plugged until you use them, and it saves energy to keep them unplugged. Therefore, money.

3. Do homework for phone companies and internet plans. Call them! Often they are toll free and if you mentioned that you were already with them or thinking of going with them and then found out another company had a better deal, they could offer you deals for lower prices. I had to do it all the time for my phone, until they couldn't really offer anything better.

4. BIKE. Invest in a used bike if you can, especially for the warmer months. It offsets the transit costs and better your health.

5. WALK. That's the same as the bike, honestly.

6. Pay your bills on time, you will avoid late fees which can up to HUNDREDS of dollars wasted over the course of a year. If you can, set up automatic payments so you don’t forget.

FRIDGE:

1. Every time the refrigerator door is opened, cold air escapes and warm ambient air enters. To compensate for the temperature increase in its interior, the refrigerator must then use energy to bring the temperature back down. Always avoid opening the door unnecessarily and for too long.

2. When defrosting frozen food place it in the refrigerator. Not only does this ensure that the food is carefully defrosted, its presence cools down the refrigerator interior, reducing the amount of work that the compressor has to do, and therefore lowering energy consumption.

3. Never put warm food in the refrigerator as this will heat up the interior, as well as other stored foods. Hot food should always be allowed to cool to room temperature before placing it in the refrigerator

MONEY:

1. Keep all the containers like glass bottles, juice bottles, jars, cans etc. Look for your Return-It depot and have trips to return them. They give back coins for laundry, small expenses etc

2. Use that junk mail. Go through it, find coupons for food, for essentials like toilet paper or shampoo.

3. CHECK. THAT. DOLLARSTORE. They often have things like pasta, ketchup, toilet paper, batteries etc for literally 1 dollar.  Pasta is pasta, toilet paper is toilet paper. Seriously. Don't need to spend 5$ on a shampoo bottle when you can have it for 1/5 of the price.

4. Do homework and check with different banks for which one offers a better plan. Some of them are willing to help out. Sit down with their advisors, find the best solution!

5. Use the envelope system! For example, one envelope with a label “food” the other with “entertainment” the other with “bills”. Then set the right amount of cash for each. That’s what you’re allowed to spend each month. If you realize you need more for food, grab it from the entertainment envelope. Adapt and arrange as needed.

6. If you can, set up an automatic saving (example 50$ every paycheck) for both regular saving AND an emergency fund.

7. Use the 24-Hour Rule. Avoid purchasing expensive or unnecessary items on impulse with a self-imposed 24-hour rule. For any non-essential item, wait 24 hours before purchasing. It’s perfect for online shopping where your items can simply be added to your cart to purchase later.

8. Make a grocery list BEFORE going to the grocery store and STICK to it. You’re going to avoid buying things you don’t really need.

9. DO. NOT. SHOP. WHILE. YOU. ARE. HUNGRY. Or you’ll end up buying food that you actually don’t need just because you feel snacky!

10. Only use ATMs from your bank, or you get charged small fees.

11. Set a “No Spend Day” per week, where you consciously DO NOT spend any money for that day.

12. Ditch the paper: Cutting out paper towels and using cloths and napkins that you can simply wash and reuse is a simple way to save.

13. After you wear clothes, hang them outside your wardrobe, on a door or something. You can air them out a bit, then stick them in the closet without washing. You can basically reuse the same clothes two or three times without having to wash them, sometimes they just need a bit of air and they won’t smell AT ALL.

14. If you don’t own or want to spend money on an iron, hang whatever blouse you need to iron in the bathroom while you shower. The steam will humidify the fabric and straighten it up.

15. Hang stuff to dry. Really don’t need to spend money on the dryer.

16. Sign up to the library. They have so many books and DVDs nowadays. You can also just go, sit at the library and stay warm for a while, so that you don’t have to sit at home and either suffer the cold or use money on your own heat.

17. Budget, budget, budget. Get a lil notebook, write down the monthly expenses, cut what you don’t need. It gets easier with time.

 FOOD:

1.       Make a meal plan. Write 10-14 days worth of dishes that you can do (lunch, dinner, everything you need). You can then toss them around as you go on with your week, but that way you have a pretty clear idea of what you use and the food you go through for how long. It also reduces the risks of getting take out since you already have plans for what to eat.

2.       Cook double! Seriously. Make that dinner and double it up. Leftovers can be frozen or put in the fridge for the day after.

3.       Meal prep. Once a week, prep a bunch of different recipes. Let them cool down, stick them in the freezer. At that point you’ll already have all these meals at the ready to just thaw/microwave or oven up.

4.       You don’t need pop. You don’t need alcohol. You most likely don’t need milk, but go for it if you wanna. Just remember dairy products go bad WAY more quickly than non dairies, so consider getting food and drinks with no dairy in them. Mainly, though. Water. Just drink water. Lots of it too! Sometimes our brain can’t tell the difference between hunger and thirst. You think you’re snacky? Drink some water instead! It’ll quell your hunger.

5.       Freeze fruit! If you think you’re not gonna be able to eat fruit in time, put it in a Tupperware or a ziplock and slap it in the freezer. You’ll be able to then use it for smoothies.

6.       Use the Italian saying “Colazione da re, pranzo da nobili, cena da poveri.” Which quite literally means “Breakfast as a king, lunch as a noble, dinner as a poor.” Breakfast should be very filling, carbs, protein, vitamins. It carries you for the whole day. Lunch should be quite filling too! But supper doesn’t really need a lot of it, and if you REALLY have to skip a meal, skip supper. Your body doesn’t need that much sustenance while sleeping.

7.       This is for the desperate times but I’ve done it, and I would do it again if I ever had to. Go to markets that have like… Fruits and veggies. Talk to them. Ask them “HEY, can I have the fruit/veggie that you have to throw away?” Ask them if you can have the ugly produce, the one that doesn’t look pretty enough to be put out. Or ask them to have whatever extra they have to dump because is past the expiry date. EXPIRY DATE IS USUALLY MUCH LONGER THAN WHAT THE LABEL SAYS. I wouldn’t risk it with dairy stuff or with things that are VERY expired, but one or two days? Totally fine, I promise. And if you have to? Dumpster Dive. Especially at markets with fruit and veggies that have to be sold on the same day (because it’s not considered “fresh” past that day.) Or behind pizza places like Dominos or Panago or whatever chain. They get pizza orders wrong all the time. Just give a peak behind these buildings and look inside their boxes. You have no idea how many times I found perfectly fine pizzas. For free! IF YOU DUMPSTER DIVE, MAKE SURE YOU HAVE GLOVES, A MASK AND PLASTIC BAGS TO PUT YOUR STUFF IN. ONCE AT HOME, DISCARD GLOVES AND WASH PRODUCE THROUGHLY. Also check tumblr for your divers community, they usually know the best spots.

 CLOTHES:

1.       Thrift shop! So many GOOD used clothes are out there! Honestly! My whole wardrobe is thrifted and everything looks brand new. It takes a bit of research and maybe that shirt you liked is not in your size, but you can find EVERYTHING, from socks to bras, at a thrift store. Don’t thrift underwear though. You want to go new with those.

2.       Invest in some needle and thread, then open youtube. There are SO MANY tutorials that teach you how to mend holes in socks and underwear. And really, no one will really notice if a mend is perfectly done or not. After a week, you’ll forget it too! But that prevents you from throwing away clothes that could just be mended a little.

3.       Something doesn’t fit you? Too small, too big? YouTube, homie. They have tutorials on how to fix these kinda things! All you need, again, is needle and thread.

4.       Organize clothes swaps with friends and/or neighbors. Everyone brings clothes they don’t need, put them in a pile. Go through the pile and grab whatever there is. There’s no money exchange, one could go home with 1 item and one could go home with 50 items. Who cares? The extra stuff… DONATE IT TO A SHELTER.

Feel free to add more, and stay safe!

Mob Rafe: The Series

Part 1

I still couldn’t think of a title after a month so it’s just going to stay as Mob Rafe: The Series

You can read the prologue here

Word Count: 4,096

Warnings: swearing, mentions of drinking, i think that’s it

~~~~

It was almost 10:30 when you stood in your kitchen, staring into your fridge that was practically empty, trying to figure out what you could make for breakfast. You finally decided on eggs after googling how to tell if they were still good or not and decided that they were fine. After all, JJ had eaten moldy bread before. What’s the difference between that and eating eggs a couple of days past their best by date.

As the eggs cooked in the pan, you grabbed the Aleve and a glass, filling it with water, before walking into the spare bedroom and setting them on the nightstand. You smiled as you watched JJ hug a pillow to his chest, looking rather serene. 

In about half an hour, he’d be complaining though and you’d have to listen to it until he left.

You went back to the eggs, stirring them around as you glanced out your kitchen window. You leaned closer and squinted, trying to make out the faces of the people who were going in and out of the place next door. 

That house had been up for sale since a week after you moved in, the old lady that lived there deciding that it was time to go into a home.

Well, her family decided. She screamed every curse word underneath the sun as her things, and herself, were being moved out.

That was almost a year ago. You tried convincing JJ to buy it but he said ‘I’m not living near a bunch of people who think my business is their business’. You tried to figure out who exactly was moving in but it was hard to tell considering it could’ve been any of the three guys who were exiting and entering the house.

You sighed before turning your attention back to the eggs that were close to done, hearing JJ groan from the guest room. 

“Who the fuck made the sun so bright?” You heard him say, voice muffled.

“Depends on the religion of the person you’re asking!” You hollered back.

“Well, I’m not religious so make it non-religious.” You heard a thump come from the room and you assumed that it was his feet hitting the floor.

“Then the Big Bang.” 

“Like the show?” 

You closed your eyes and pinched the bridge of your nose, taking a deep breath. “You know what? Sure. Like the show.”

JJ emerged, rubbing his face with one of his hands, the glass of water in his other.

“Oh, fucking hell. My head is pounding.” He mumbled, sitting down at the little kitchen table you had.

“I wonder why.” You asked, sarcasm lacing your voice as you plated the eggs. 

You brought the eggs over to JJ and set them down with a fork. JJ shot you a smile as you sat down across from him before he began to eat. “Where’s your food?” He questioned, eyeing the empty place in front of you.

You shrugged. “Not that hungry.”

JJ rolled his eyes. 

“I’m just not hungry in the mornings’ JayBird. You know this.”

“You should eat in the mornings. Even if it’s just a toaster strudel or a pop tart.” 

Now it was your turn to roll your eyes as you stood up and walked over to your almost empty pantry, rummaging around for anything. You managed to find a pop tart hiding away and you opened it, taking a bite from the pastry. “Happy?”

“When’s the last time you went grocery shopping?” 

You shrugged. “I’m planning on doing a little run today.” 

“You didn’t answer my question Y/N.”

You walked over to him and placed both your hands on either side of his face. “Don’t worry about me JJ. I’m not starving. Mom dropped off leftovers and I finished them an hour before you showed up last night. She’s been giving me so many leftovers, I just haven’t had the need to go grocery shopping in a bit. Besides, I finished off the potato salad she gave me two days ago at like 5 a.m. this morning when I went to go pee. So I technically had breakfast.”

“What was last night’s leftovers?”

“Tuna casserole. The week before that was a chicken pot pie. And the week before that was stir fry. And the week before that was-”

“Okay, I get it.” He cut you off.

You smirked as you sat back down in your spot. You were pretty sure that your mom was dropping off food just so she could get some time with you. Between work and classes, you didn’t really have time to go over and visit as much as you should. If you weren’t doing either of those things, you were either catching up on sleep or doing as much of your homework as possible. You were lucky you had a fenced in yard so Blue could run around for a while for those days you didn’t have the energy to take him out for a walk.

This also meant you definitely didn’t have the energy to drive yourself to the store and figure out what you needed for food and then drive back home. 

So, you were living on your mom’s leftovers that she brought over since she seemed to forget that there was one less person in the house so she didn’t have to make as much food.

“You want me to come with you?” JJ asked, scooping more eggs into his mouth.

“You really don’t need to. I think I can do a simple grocery run myself.” You smiled.

“Don”t say I didn’t offer when you’re making more than one trip.” 

You took another bite of your pop tart as you looked down at the floor where Blue and Piper laid, looking at you and JJ for any scraps. JJ was the one to break, giving the two dogs his last bits of breakfast before he leaned back, interlocking his fingers together as he placed them behind his head.

“What do you think the others did last night?” He asked.

You just shrugged, giving him the other pop tart which he reluctantly took after you wouldn’t bring it back to the foil after he shook his head no. JJ felt bad for taking it after just having eggs but if you were so persistent on him having it, he might as well just take the damn thing.

He took a bite and looked out the kitchen window and, through a mouthful of pop-tart, asked, “Who’s moving in?” 

You shrugged once more. “I’ll let you know later today when I find out.”

******

“You guys whine more than anyone I know,” Rafe told Kelce and Topper as they brought the couch through the door.

“Yeah. I wonder why. It can’t be because we woke up with massive hangovers and someone made us get up at 8:30 in the morning.” Kelce grumbled.

“I told you guys that you might want to take it easy on the alcohol considering we’re going to be up early tomorrow and the sun’s going to be shining all day. I also told you we'd ve working until we had everything moved in. It’s your fault that you two didn’t listen.” Rafe stated, looking behind him so he could see where he was going. "And think of this, you won’t have to go to the gym tomorrow."

“You sound like my mom. Shut up.” Topper grunted, looking at the floor.

As far as Rafe was concerned, it was Kelces and Topper’s fault. He did, after all, tell them what was happening and what day he was moving in. And he provided lunch for them and was also providing dinner so why were they whining. He would've been better off recruiting Sarah for this job. She would've complained less.

“I’m losing grip. Down. Down.” Kelce told the two.

They set the couch down on the floor and caught their breath, leaning against the piece of furniture. Rafe checked his watch. 

4:30 pm. 

He sighed as he noticed the hunger in his stomach for the first time since 11 when they ate lunch.

“It was nice of Rose and Ward to give you all their old furniture,” Topper commented, causing Rafe to look at him. 

Rafe scoffed. “They only did that so they could have an excuse to get new furniture.”

“Even if that’s true, at least you didn’t have to spend thousands of dollars to get furniture.”

Rafe sighed. Topper had a point and he had to admit, he was a bit grateful to his father and stepmother for deciding their furniture was outdated. Even if it was only 2 years old.

“Kelce, wanna grab the water bottles from the truck?” He asked. 

Kelce nodded, heading outside to retrieve the drinks as Rafe readjusted his grip.

"Oh, we're gonna finish this without Kelces’ help," Topper said, catching on after a couple of seconds of Rafe staring at him. 

Topper readjusted his grip, nodding to let Rafe know he was ready. 

"Yes, Top. And then we're gonna order a pizza." Rafe grunted as they lifted the couch once more.  

"You're paying right?"

"Yes, I’m paying. Now angle it more towards the right so it doesn’t hit this corner." 

"You're right or my right?"

"My right."

Topper did as he was told, happy for the free meal that would be provided. Rafe was just happy that this was one of the last things they had to move in.

They placed the couch down underneath the window as Kelce came back in, water bottles in hand. The brunette tossed a water bottle to each of his friends as Rafe grabbed his phone from his pocket. 

"Dominos or Little Caesars?" Rafe asked, looking between his friends.

"Dominos cause I want a sandwich," Kelce stated.

Topper looked at Kelce. "But little Caesars. Besides we had Firehouse Subs for lunch."

"Did I stutter? I want a fucking sandwich to go with my pizza, Topper."

The blonde stared at Kelce before sighing. "Fine. Dominos."

****

You looked into your trunk, trying to figure out if, no not if, how you were going to get everything in one trip when one of your neighbors approached you.

You looked over at her. "Hey, Mrs.Keling. How are you?" You asked, grabbing one of the paper bags.

"Fine Y/N but how are you?" She asked.

Mrs. and Mr. Keling lived across the street and four doors down from you and never really came over and talked to you. It was usually just the usual wave and smile, maybe a hello and a how are you. But that was only if you ran into each other. 

You raised an eyebrow. "Um…fine. Why do you ask?" 

Mrs.Keling glanced at the house next door, the Uhaul still parked there. You followed her glance before commenting. "Wow. They're still not done moving. They've been working since I woke up." 

"Aren't you worried about living next to him?" 

Those words made a chill go down your spine but you ignored it. "Should I be worried?" You set the bag back down in the trunk.

Mrs.Keling sighed. "Do you not know who's next to you?"

You shook your head. You hadn’t caught a glimpse of the mystery neighbor yet. You had noticed, however, many of the neighbors peeking through their windows or standing in their yards as they talked amongst themselves all day.

Mrs.Keling moved in closer and you looked at the middle-aged woman, slightly scared of who she was going to say moved in.

"Rafe Cameron." She whispered before stepping backward.

You felt yourself relax a bit, scared that it was going to be someone horrible.

 Granted Rafe Cameron wasn’t exactly a saint.

His past wasn't the best and his past consisted of terrorizing you and your friends but, from what John B, Pope, Kie, and Sarah had told you and JJ, he's pretty tolerable now. His hotheadedness, which probably was a result of his coke addiction, seemed to have died down immensely and he didn't really pick fights out in public anymore.

This was probably because if he got in trouble with the law for something stupid like speeding, his criminal activity would be uncovered.

Rafe Cameron may have looked like he turned a leaf and became a law-abiding citizen overnight but that’s why you never judge a book by its cover. Because, if anything, he got dirtier. 

People on the Island knew about Rafe’s new family that he got involved with back when he was 20, no thanks to Wheezie and her mouth.

She told one person to leave her friend alone or else her mob brother would take care of him and that’s all it took. However, no one could arrest him for any illegal activity cause, from what they saw, there was none. He was perfectly clean. Not even the scent of weed to cause them to suspect anything. Eventually, Shoupe had decided that everyone was pulling his leg considering Rafe always lets them search the place and no one had ever caught him doing anything that he could be arrested for.

You let it go, deciding that it was a rumor that could die. You were never much for the gossip that took place within the subdivision you lived in, let alone the island.

"Rafe Cameron lives next door now?" You asked, “As in the man who once climbed a tree to help get a child’s kite down?”

Mrs.Keling nodded. "He’s not as good as he seems Y/N and some of us are worried about you. There’s something about him that’s just...off."

You managed to hold back a scoff. Sure, some of them were worried and you knew they were but it was usually the seniors. The others just wanted to fake it to see if they could get some dirt on the others.

You shrugged as you looked into a bag, seeing the pie at the top, remembering that you picked it up for the new neighbor. "I'll be fine. I have a Blue." You reassured her, grabbing the pie.

You walked across the patch of grass separating your house and, what is now apparently, Rafe’s house. You raised a fist and knocked on the door. Looking around, you saw the neighbors staring at you as you stood there. You grinned and waved at everyone before turning back towards the door.

You heard laughter and footsteps before the door opened, revealing Rafe Cameron himself. He stood in the doorway towering over you, giving you a once over.

"I did some grocery shopping today and decided to pick up a welcome pie. It’s probably not that good considering it was in the clearance section but, ya know, as my dad always says "When you have a cheap pie, have a cheap beer with it"." You smiled, extending the pie towards him.

Rafe smiled back, taking the pie from your hands. "Your dads a wise man."

"Indeed, he is." You grinned.

Rafe looked past you and towards the people watching from their yards.

"Do you want to come inside? Have a slice of this pie you bought? It'd be unfair to not share." Rafe offered.

You smiled but shook your head. "Thanks for the offer but I'm going to have to decline. I've got to go get ready for my shift at work and get my groceries inside." You told him, turning to face your neighbors.

You turned back to the man in front of you and leaned in. "Don't mind these guys. They're, sadly, just your stereotypical suburban moms and dads who like to talk shit about others but hate it when others talk shit about them. Except for Bonnie. She's sweet." You said, waving to the old lady across the street who was tending to her roses. "Anyway. See you around, Rafe." You smiled, waving before turning around and heading back to your driveway where Mrs.Keling still stood.

Rafe watched as you exchanged a few more words with Mrs.Keling, no doubt in his mind that it was about him considering the older lady kept glancing his way.

"Well, she's cute." 

Rafe turned around to see Kelce and Topper standing off to the side where they could see outside. Rafe rolled his eyes at his two friends, both of whom wore a smirk, and shoved the pie into Kelces hands.

"You two wait for the pizza." He told them before walking pit the door and to your driveway. He smiled at Mrs. Kelsing who immediately bid you goodbye and scurried off to her home.

You looked at Rafe, a bag in each arm as you waited for him to say something. 

"You brought me a pie. Let me at least help you bring in groceries if you're not gonna have a slice of the pie." 

****

Topper and Kelce watched from the living room window as Rafe grabbed a couple of bags and helped you bring in your groceries.

"Why is he helping her?" 

"Cause that’s what you do when a nice cute girl brings you a pie. You help her with whatever." Kelce answered. 

"And you leave your best friends unattended with the pie? A poor choice really." Topper stated, flipping open the box the dessert was in. 

"A poor choice indeed." Kelce agreed, opening a box labeled kitchen and pulling out a couple of plates and forks.

Kelce served each of them a slice, clinking their forks together before digging in.

****

"Wait. My brother lives next to you now?" Sarah asked as you brought your friends the drinks they ordered.

It was probably 3 hours into your shift when JJ asked if you had met whoever moved in next door. And when you told the group, their jaws hit the floor.

"And he helped you bring in groceries? You sure that’s Rafe?" JJ raised an eyebrow as he immediately brought his bottle of beer to his lips.

You nodded as you tucked the now empty tray under your arm, looking at your watch. 15 minutes left of your shift.

"That’s so weird," Kie stated.

"Is it though? I mean, he has been wanting to have his own place for a while. It doesn’t help that Topper doesn’t pay attention to what name is on the sticky note when it comes to food." Sarah rolled her eyes, remembering all the times she called Rafe for something and heard an argument break out amongst the two boys.

And all she had to say was poor Kelce for having to put up with their bullshit.

"Yeah. I know that feeling." Pope commented, glancing at JJ.

The blonde immediately pointed his finger at Pope. "You don’t write your name on shit. You specifically said that we aren’t going to do the whole this is my food, this is your food." JJ defended himself.

"Uh, no. I never said that. Why would I say that, JJ?" 

"You tell me cause those words came out of your mouth."

"Oh did they? Cause I don’t remember that. In fact, I remember you saying we should put our names on our food so we know what belongs to who but then you broke that rule." Pope glared at his best friend.

"No. I said we should label the to-go boxes from restaurants when we dine in then take our leftovers home so we know what belongs to who."

"Okay. Pipe it down and quit the squawking." You told them, giving both of them a light smack.

"You two fight worse than me and Sarah and you two aren’t even together like that." John B shook his head.

"You don’t know that for sure," JJ smirked, bringing the bottle up once again so he could take a drink.

Pope sighed as the rest of you stood there staring at JJ before you shook your head. "I’m going back to work and in 15 minutes you all better be ready to leave." John B held up the keys to the twinkie and you snatched them from his hand. "And I'm driving."

You had driven to John B’s in your car and parked it there once you heard from Kie that everyone was planning on going out for drinks, opting on being the designated driver. This wasn’t the first time you did this, having them have their night out at the bar you worked at so you could drive them home safely after your shift. It gave them plenty of time to get shit-faced and you were able to make sure no one did something dumb while still being able to work.

It was kind of like Nani and Lilo’s situation of Nani bringing Lilo to work.

The pogues were Lilo and you were Nani.

*****

Rafe took a swig from his beer before setting it down harder than he needed to.

He was currently swearing under his breath as he sat on the floor, attempting to assemble an entertainment center he bought from IKEA as his two best friends sat on the couch, each enjoying another slice of pie as they had a beer themselves.

“I’m telling you, man, you should’ve had them to assemble it for you,” Topper told him.

Rafe rolled his eyes. “I can do it myself thank you very much.”

“You couldn’t do it sober. What makes you think you can do it drunk?” Kelce laughed.

Rafe turned around and sent him a glare. “I will have you know that it’s going to take more than a beer and a half to get me drunk.” He looked down at their plates to see them both halfway done with their pie slices. “Is there going to be any pie left for me?”

“You mean the pie that the cutie pie from next door brought over? There’s a slice left.” Kelce told him.

“And I’m not taking any chances,” Rafe muttered, slamming down the allen wrench and standing up, walking into his kitchen to retrieve that last slice.

He grabbed a fork and the box that the pie rested in, not bothering with a plate, before walking back over to his spot on the floor.

“You know,” Rafe started, using his fork to cut a piece of pie off his slice before letting his fork hover in the air, “you two having been pigging out this whole time, yukking it up and whatnot while I have been doing all this work.” Rafe punctuated his sentence by placing his fork in his mouth.

“Not true. We’ve been providing you moral support.” Topper defended.

“Well if you two aren’t going to provide physical help, then you can walk your asses out the door.”

Topper and Kelce looked at each other before nodding and getting up. “See you later, buddy.”

“Yeah. Oh, btw, Sarah said something about throwing you a little ‘congrats on getting a house’ party at John B’s on Friday since she didn’t want to throw it here and upset your neighbors!”

Rafe opened his mouth to speak but the door shutting cut him off.

"Thanks for helping." He muttered.

He picked up his beer and took another sip, checking his watch as he brought the bottle away from his lips.

12:30 AM.

Rafe sighed as he continued to eat his pie and drink his beer, deciding that once he was finished with his snack he’d head to bed. 

He got up to put his fork in the sink and throw away his garbage when headlights caught his attention.

He looked out the window, confusion on his face. This wasn’t the type of neighborhood where he expected people to go out until midnight. Hell, they didn’t even seem like the people who’d be out until 10.

It made a lot more sense when he saw the car pull into your driveway and you getting out of the car. He watched you walk up to your door and unlock it before walking in, closing the door behind you.

He shook his head before walking away from the window, continuing his way towards the kitchen. He threw everything away and tossed his fork into the sink before shutting off his lights and heading into his bathroom. He brushed his teeth before changing into a sweatshirt and sweatpants, heading into his room, and flopping down onto the mattress that laid on the floor with a groan. He suddenly regretted ordering his new bed frame online and not paying for two-day delivery. 

He let his eyes close, his breathing steady as he worked his way to sleep, letting darkness completely take over in a matter of minutes.

~~~~~

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Right now I’m in Europe. But I spent the last month living in a hotel room in Chicago visiting friends and family. I didn’t necessarily want to live in a hotel room. I wanted to get an Airbnb like I always do when I travel. But Airbnb are more expensive now. It’s part of the larger unraveling going forward of the urban person’s utopia. Cheap Ubers, cheap Airbnbs, all subsidized by these large companies to get you hooked. Those days are over. Taxis and Hotels are the same price or even cheaper now.

…

I’m reminded of the early 2000s, a different time where TV was a platform to mock people. Remember "Hoarders?” It made fun of sick people so the audience at home could laugh and be shocked. It was very sad watching those people not being able to part with stuff that seemed so irrelevant. They had a whole catalog of addiction shows back then. Shows where you were supposed to laugh at fat people or midgets starting a family.

I work on the computer. It’s easier to keep my home clean than it is my browser. Most psychic pain comes from constantly feeling crowded at the edge of my browser with 20 tabs open I’m not using. Claustrophobic. I’m at the edge of the browser using one tab. Should I close the rest of my tabs? Of course. But sometimes I don’t.

The information contained in one of those tabs could eventually lead to a domino effect that could change your life

…

The downside of the hotel is you’ll never find a decent gym. What you’ll see mostly is machines. Sometimes you’ll see free weights up to 30Ibs and you’ll never see a barbell. I previously wrote about the benefits of using a barbell for real naturalistic weightlifting to stress the skeleton and release osteocalcin. Exercise machines artificially track motion allowing endless repetition of the same movement without the use of the entire body. How much of your skeleton and muscles activate when you lift a rock over your head vs using a strength machine.

You’ll rarely find free weights in a hotel gym and never a barbell.

Why?

The intolerant minority rule is at play. People that prefer free weights and barbells will use machines. But not the other way around.

The same rule applies to parties and alcohol. Once you have ten percent or more of women at a party, you cannot only serve beer. You must serve wine. All men will drink wine but at least 10 percent of women will not drink beer. So you end up just choosing wine for the party and use one set of glasses.

…

It is worth being alert to the intolerant minority rule because it is everywhere. In this article I’m going to go over some places where you can see it. But first, what is it?

What happens when 95 per cent of people are indifferent, but 5 per cent of people prefer something else? The minority wins. Taleb wrote a classic piece on this phenomenon. Society doesn’t evolve by consensus, voting, majority, committees, verbose meeting, academic conferences, and polling; only a few people suffice to disproportionately move the needle. Once an intolerant minority reaches a tiny percentage of the total population, the majority of the population will naturally succumb to their preferences.

There was even a recent study by Scientists at Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute on the Intolerant Minority Rule

…

The disproportionate ubiquity of certain foods can be explained by this effect. Pizza is a hugely successful food not so much because it is loved but because nobody hates it. By contrast, take fish or steak, in any group of five or more people, there will always be one who doesn’t feel like eating fish or steak: their lone veto will prevail, and everyone will end up eating chicken. Chicken being the most agreeable meat. There’s even minority rules inside of minority rules, with cheese pizza being the option people will agree to eat over pepperoni or sausage.

Perhaps one of the reasons Lamb never made it big in America is because its the opposite of the chicken. It isn’t a consistent meat. Highly variable. You get wildly different tastes depending on how you cook it, prepare it or store it.

…

The implications are interesting when you think about it. Most human systems — language, morality, religion — evolve based on a passionate and organized minority. The reasonable majority rarely if ever drive any movement.

Moreover, outcomes are paradoxically more stable under the minority rule —the variance of the results is lower and the rule is more likely to emerge independently across separate populations. As long as the majority is ambivalent or tolerant, the status quo will remain.

As Nassim Taleb pointed out when he spotted this phenomenon, the intolerant minority rule can prevail in many areas. Schools where only 5 per cent of the pupils are Muslim will keep halal kitchens, because it is assumed non-Muslims can be served halal food whereas Muslims will eat nothing but.

…

Take a look at every soda bottle you buy. It’ll have a kosher sign on it. Maybe even half of the food you purchase has this logo. Why? Because you don’t care if food or drink is kosher, but Jewish people care. And so the companies make their products kosher compliant. Minority rule means that we all drink Kosher soda because it’s easier to make all lemonade Kosher for the small % that require it rather than having kosher and not kosher.

…

Let’s start with one example of the Intolerant Minority Rule that most people don’t realize.

The asymmetry: Smokers can be in smoke-free areas but nonsmokers cannot and will not be in smoking ones. One is tolerant. The other is intolerant.

The non-smoking section of restaurants and bars actually appeared very late. Entire private establishments would be open to smoking. The movement to separate smoking from non-smoking happened in the mid 1970s. That was when the first reports of lung cancer and smoking became established. You could even smoke on an airplane back then. It was only after an airplane crashed, killing 123 people in France due to a cigarette left burning in the bathroom did the first non-smoking sections appear on airplanes.

…

Given the historical links between smoking and drinking, it is not surprising that “family restaurants,” many of which sold no beer, wine, or liquor, were among the first to create non-smoking sections. Denny’s announced in 1977 that it would devote 25% of its dining areas to non-smoking. It was not long before Victoria Station, Red Lobster, Bob Evans, and many other chains joined the trend. Big city restaurants, on the other hand, lagged behind.

Numerous restaurant owners who disliked setting off non-smoking sections complained it hurt their business in a number of ways. Non-smokers tended also to be non-drinkers and didn’t come out as much on weekends, thus leaving empty tables in the non-smoking area while the smoking section was full and the restaurant had to turn away impatient patrons. Likewise, the non-smokers had lower check averages.

Quarantine, Day 167

August 25

The bad news is that it is lonely here when my husband is gone and I have to do all the chores by myself (with some assistance from the kiddo.) I have been very lucky to avoid the toxic stereotypes of cishet relationships in the sixteen years of my marriage; my husband is my best friend and he is an equal partner in keeping the household running.  We can each manage without the other when necessary, but it is never as good without the both of us together. The good news is that now the bedroom is MINE, ALL MINE, with nobody needing it for teaching or maintaining a normal human sleep schedule or other boring things like that. I have already rolled all over the bed in wild abandon. 

The kiddo and I did take advantage of Dad's absence to indulge in a big carryout order from Dominos, a chain that we like and he does not. We got pizza and spinach and feta cheese-stuffed bread and a Philly cheesesteak sandwich. It's enough food for at least three meals, which means less cooking and less kitchen cleaning, yay! We don't eat out a lot, but when we do, I like places that give a lot of leftovers. Good coupons too, so we got it all for a good price.

We had no sooner gotten back home with our hot cheesy goodness than I had to make an emergency trip down to the cat rescue to get more formula. Our fat, fat kittens are eating so much that they would not have had enough formula to get through the night, but it turned out that the only opportunity to get more was EXACTLY RIGHT THEN. So I took the old pickup truck which has barely been out of our parking lot since March and hit the road. This truck is rough, you guys. It kicks when it downshifts and the brakes are worryingly loud. I hate to add yet another expense to this extremely expensive month, but I think it needs a mechanic if we hope to keep using it. And I definitely hope to keep using it. Everyone should have a minivan and a pickup truck, they can carry anything and anyone! Anyway, I got the formula so the fatlings have plenty of food again. I am going to start tomorrow night with weaning the boys, because at a certain point you just have to start giving them solid foods before they explode from excessive milk consumption. 

Power Hour today was "Make a Minecraft video." Neither of us actually knew how to do this, so we watched a couple videos and downloaded some surprisingly easy free software. By the end of the hour, the kiddo had a twenty minute video made of him playing and narrating his play. We still haven't even touched on "editing your video to make it interesting," but it was a good start and we are pleased. Creating content is hard! 

Tomorrow is grocery day again, only ten days after last time, boo. There's just too much stuff we need, like more allergy pills and the things I need to set the kittens up in the big playpens. And of course every time there is grocery getting, it ends up being a ton of groceries somehow. Getting them with the pickup truck is sure to be an adventure, I just hope it's a better grocery trip than last time and that we come home with all the stuff we paid for. I have already promised myself that even modest improvement will rate a glowing review. 

It is still extremely hot and extremely humid. Next week the kids should start getting the equipment they need to start school in September, barring delivery difficulties. We still don't have any kind of real schedule for how school is going to go, except that I know about 2500 students have chosen full virtual and the other 9500 or so will be going back as soon as the schools are allowed to open. I certainly admire the optimism of anybody who thinks that an opening that starts anytime soon is going to stick, what with everybody opening and then immediately closing again all over the country. I understand that people want it because they need something to do with the kids, but it seems like this is just even more disruptive with the starting and stopping and quarantining. No good answers, really. 

Chatbot development trends in 2020

Chatbot development trends in 2020

Featured Image Courtesy: https://www.techaffinity.com

Chatbots are a phenomenal breakthrough in the field of AI. The industry is all set to hit a trillion dollar mark by the end of 2024. It is also estimated that 47% of customer care calls will be handled by intelligent chatbots. Also, 40% of health-care Virtual assistants will be chatbots indeed.

Simple user based queries can be handled by these chatbots or virtual assistants in a placid manner. Developers are also working around advanced predictive analytics facilitating more naturally flowing real-time conversations.

Helping you unveil some of the top Chatbot development trends for 2020:

Develop chatbots that are more human-like

Presently chatbots are unable to understand multilingual accents of people across the globe. The chatbots need to understand the right intent behind what the query of the customer is. Only then, will they be in a position to resolve customer grievances in an effective manner. With this aspect in mind, mobile developers develop chatbots taking help from varied technologies. These include Machine Learning (ML), Artificial Intelligence (AI) and Natural Language Processing (NLP).

This way, chatbots can grasp the varied accents or dialects of people residing across the globe. Thereby providing the right kind of support or help.

AI works at call centers

Businesses can easily migrate to technologies supporting AI. These include usage of chatbots, virtual assistants, messaging platforms, etc. First level queries can be handled by conversational chatbots without much of a problem. These include

Changing passwords

Scheduling appointments with doctors or dentists

Requesting for a bank balance or a statement print of account details, etc.

Providing a 24/7 customer support for educational help lines, health-care centers, etc. can prove to be very expensive to afford. Given the amount of training to employees to adapt to multiple lines of business and handle queries of customers speaking different languages!

Hence, conversational bots can save 20-30% of the overall cost of running call centers across the globe. Moreover, the attrition rate among call center employees remains at 30-45%. This particular constraint can be resolved by emerging chatbots in a hassle-free manner.

Messaging platforms

Chatbots are able to initiate quick conversations with customers who are wanting to buy products online. You must have encountered it yourself. When you log into a website, you have an instant chat window opening in front of you. It asks if you would need any assistance in going further. This can be a perfect example of a chatbot handling the messaging board very intelligently.

It has roughly been estimated that around 68% of consumers prefer shopping for online products or services with chatbots. The chatbots provide a complete overview on what kind of products an e store offers. It helps them locate products from a store. The Virtual assistant further facilitates the sale of the product. Furthermore, an efficient degree of after-sales service is also provided to consumers in a friendly manner. This way, the brand awareness of the firm catapults. Customers love engaging and pleasant conversations that chatbots provide to them. This way, chatbots go a long way in improving customer service and automating sales.

Voicebots

Today, you have a number of mobile companies developing simple and easy chatbots helping you perform various functions. You have Siri, Alexa and Google Assistant doing the rounds for Android and iOS platforms. Starting from helping you track calories on your fitness jog up until keeping doors or windows closed at nights, the electronic surveillance machines do everything for you.

You can use voice bots at banks too to automate varied functions like filling out deposit forms, opening accounts, closure of accounts, etc. This way, when too many customers are there to attend to, voice bots can take over.

AI-pioneered chatbots to help social media

Thousands of brands emerge via Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. You have FMCG companies raising their brands via FB and Instagram. You have travel firms showcasing their brands via Twitter, FB and Linked In. You have Snap chat providing customers with instant chat facilities.

Hence social media channels may see a huge upsurge of products or brands that get launched online. This being the case, you will have millions of purchase related queries posed by online shoppers who would love buying products or services. Hiring customer support agents or shopping assistants to answer queries repeatedly can be an expensive affair. Automated chatbots may channelize this field too. Simple price related queries or product description queries can well be answered by pre-programmed chatbots or virtual assistants too. Hence chatbots will be taken squarely by social media biggies too.

Food chains

Chatbots are now the preferred marketing personnel of the booming digital era indeed. As these chatbots work tirelessly, you have consumers hooked to conversing with them. Be it apparels, food industry, airlines, health-care or educational sector, you have chat bots or AI programmed virtual assistants taking space at every miniscule corner.

Burger King, Dominos and Pizza Hut have started making use of Food bots to help consumers in a wide-spread manner. Starting from finding tables, ordering food, the foods delivered right across and getting the bills paid by customers, everything is well taken care of. You can order via Food bots at your home too. This can be done via your I-pads, tablets and mobile devices. Some companies have gone a step further to automate ordering and delivery of food. You can have drones delivering pizza packs and a lot more.

Chatbots can take payments

Digital wallets can be organized by leading banks to make payments hassle-free. Instant messaging can be facilitated via FB messenger. You make sure that your customers don’t leave the app while they make the final payments. Conversational bots can allow customers to buy products based on the pricing or the budget they have on mind.

Similarly, digital wallets connect consumers to buy or sell products on a 24/7 scalability. MasterCard has recently organized a chatbot in order to facilitate consumer payments. You can check your account balances. The Virtual bots help you set payment alerts. And also pay or receive money from your business partners. This way, chatbots are entirely helpful in making digital wallets a grand success.

HR initiatives

As you know, Human Resource comprises a tedious and repetitive set of activities that are highly time-consuming. If you look at the overall proforma of the HR unit, there are quite a lot of mundane activities that can easily be tackled via chatbots or virtual assistants. Let us see how this can be done in three real-time scenarios

Human Resource or HR-

As you all know, HR is the pulse of every company. You can use chatbots to help new employees answer basic HR related queries. Plus these bots can complete transactional HR services too. Say like initiating new bank accounts for on-boarding employees or giving them a TPin to access the company’s ATM.

Employee On-boarding

Employee on-boarding is the most complex and time consuming HR initiative. The personnel have to screen through file applications, have a look at relevant employment docs and so on. You can allow chatbots to initiate the interview handling process. You can allow them to field screening questions and simultaneously capture answers too. You can also allow chatbots to guide new hires through the internal policies of the company.

Internal Help desk

Chatbots can handle the IT desk by answering common queries in a neat and stream-lined manner. The bot can answer repetitive queries and can increase the response time too.

Conclusion

These are the 7 fascinating chatbot development trends for 2020. You have AI automating a variety of human functionalities. While many employees fear it might cost them their jobs, there is a positive side added to it. You can allow new employees to directly apply for Senior positions as mundane aspects of the job can be automated by the bots. Hence, decision making or intense management policies can be designed by career focused individuals who have the potential to tap into.

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A Complete Guide to Chatbots

Discussion drives deals and this is a verifiable truth. For clients, it is imperative to have somebody to pose inquiries and explain questions, somebody who could direct them and suggest them the most ideal alternative. 

Today, discussions can be robotized, and today there is no compelling reason to have an actual individual joined to every client. These days, conversational business turned into a quickly developing popular expression and chatbots assume a vital part in this field. 

Today, I might want to talk about why chatbots turned out to be so well known and why web based business and m-trade organizations vigorously put resources into it.

What is a Chatbot?

A chatbot is a PC program or a man-made reasoning which directs a discussion through hear-able or text based strategies. It recreates how a human would act in a programmed way, improving the proficiency of the interaction.

Chatbots are generally utilized for client assistance, data procurement or lead age.

The most exceptional chatbots are controlled by man-made brainpower, assisting with understanding complex solicitations, customize reactions, and improve associations over the long haul. This innovation is as yet in the improvement stage and has a great deal of possibilities. 

As these days everything goes towards robotization, Chatbots permit individuals to dispose of routine undertakings and spotlight more on an essential side of the business. Also, a colossal speed of preparing clients' solicitations with chatbots assists with acquiring clients' devotion. Allow me to feature that quality is kept up and at times even expanded as robots submit less mix-ups than people. Besides, as chatbots don't have feelings they handle the emergencies, struggle circumstances much better.

There are two sorts of chatbots. The main kind of capacities depends on a bunch of rules, and the subsequent sort capacities utilizing AI, NLP, AI. Chatbots that capacity dependent on a bunch of rules are prohibitive. They can just react to explicit orders as opposed to deciphering a client's language. Rule-based chatbots are incredible if clients are simply expected to have straightforward questions that allude to a restricted arrangement of data.

Concerning the AI Chatbots, they work through AI to deal with a wide scope of discussions and solicitations from clients. Rather than just reacting to explicit orders, AI chatbots can decipher a client's language to comprehend and address their issues. Simulated intelligence chatbots bode well in the event that you need to deal with complex questions and remarks from clients, for instance, a client requesting an item proposal.

Chatbots insights

Shockingly, Baby Boomers (age 55+) are bound to expect profits by chatbots than Millennials (age 18-34). 83% of online customers need support during shopping.

Information from Google Trends shows in the course of the most recent five years, search volume around "chatbots" became 19x as people and organizations understood their worth. Also, as per the HubSpot research report, 71% of individuals use chatbots to tackle their difficult quick. 56% of individuals would prefer to message than call client assistance and 53% of individuals are bound to shop with organizations they can message.

As per Ideal, 37% hope to find fast solutions to inquiries in a crisis, 35% hope to find definite solutions or clarifications, 34% utilize a chatbot as a methods for getting associated with a human.

The greatest advantages of utilizing a chatbot: 64% – the top advantage is the capacity to get 24-hour administration, 55% - getting moment reactions to requests, 55% – finding solutions to straightforward inquiries.

In a review by LivePerson, 38% of individuals studied felt good about their chatbots encounters, while just 11% felt antagonistic.

With respect to the top worries about utilizing a chatbot, 43% of individuals report that they like to speak with a human above all else, 30% stress over the chatbot committing an error, 27% stress over getting to it just through a particular medium, 24% concern it will not talk in a well disposed way.

How about we take a gander at another Ubisend report to help understand the potential: 1 out of 5 shoppers would consider buying labor and products from a chatbot, 40% of purchasers need offers and arrangements from chatbots, customers will spend more than $400 through a chatbot.

"Our chatbots are now performing better compared to email when contrasting natural development, read rates, and snap throughs. We realize that fans need to feel near their #1 specialists, and this arrangement assists us with interfacing them in a manner that is true. Email simply doesn't give a similar chance to flaunt your character." — Jeremy Kutner, VP of Web and Mobile at Warner Music Group

Chatbots versus Email

Noteworthy, isn't that so? Indeed, man-made reasoning will actually want to comprehend and recollect all that you say, or ask, regardless of how basic or complex. Conversing with a PC will be just about as normal as conversing with a human and obviously individuals will begin considering chatbots as a decent wellspring of data and a phenomenal answer for addressing the issues in the most proficient manner conceivable.

Indeed, the worldwide chatbot market is relied upon to reach $1.23 billion by 2025 with a building yearly development pace of 24.3%, as indicated by a Grand View Research report.

Chatbots use cases

As the level of customers who like to purchase online is unavoidably expanding each year, chatbots are turning into an absolute necessity to have the option to go to every client that needs help.

Furthermore, what are the current most mainstream chatbots use cases?

1. Request Food

These days it is very simple to arrange food on the web, particularly with the assistance of chatbots by messaging, tweeting, voice, or even from a vehicle. A brilliant model is Domino's pizza. It allows you effectively to construct another pizza, get it and track your request all from Facebook Messenger.

2. Item Suggestions

Numerous customers realize they need to get a few shoes yet probably won't have a specific thing at the top of the priority list. For this situation, chatbots are a decent arrangement, they can offer item ideas dependent on what individuals need: shading, style, and so forth For instance, H&M's Kik chatbot can construct an outfit for you.

3. Client assistance

Brands like Airbnb, Evernote, and Spotify use chatbots on Twitter to give day in and day out client support. The fundamental thought is to rapidly give answers and address client protests, or basically track the situation with a request.

4. Individual Budget Help

Chatbots make it simple to make exchanges, get warnings about financial exchange patterns, track your individual accounting records, or even get help discovering a home loan. For instance, a few banks carried out chatbots to permit clients to check their own and venture accounts and suggest new speculation openings.

5. Timetable a Meeting

These days, everybody is exceptionally occupied and it turns out to be extremely hard to set up gatherings. In any case, chatbot can accomplish the work for you. For instance, Meekan is a great model, it sees everybody's schedules to discover times when everybody is free.

Chatbots Benefits

We should take a gander at the primary advantages of chatbots:

1. Time and cost proficiency

Via robotizing discussions that would require a representative to reply, associations set aside time and cash that would then be able to be designated to different endeavors. Rather than having individuals doing manual, redundant assignments or responding to comparable inquiries, those people may zero in on additional energizing things.

"Conversing with virtual representatives will assume an inexorably vital part: clients would prefer not to hang tight for answers to straightforward inquiries. Also, business would not like to distribute assets to address similar inquiries again and again." — Phil Vanstone, Program Manager at Shopify Plus

2. Deals

Chatbots utilize direct messages to assemble valuable data to offer successful and pertinent help. For instance, chatbots can ask clients for what good reason they wound up being on this site. Or then again individuals could utilize chatbots as a counsel for suggestions. Additionally, the chatbot will recollect every one of client's decisions and give the client significant decisions the following visit. Just as filling in as viable channels for illuminating or reminding clients about new items or advancements on the online business store.

3. Guide clients

Shockingly, some of the time it isn't clear where data is. Also, at times clients simply leave the site since they couldn't discover items they were looking for. Also, at times clients don't know about what they truly need and need. By posing a progression of qualifying inquiries, chatbots course clients to the best spot for them to discover the data they need.

4. Every day administration

Perhaps the most well known employments of chatbots is to give speedy answers in a crisis. In any case, there are a ton of associations that don't offer 24-hour administration and for them to build deals without expanded a ton the expenses, chatbots are a great alternative.

Demand for data scientists is still high and growing day by day. To learn more about careers in data science field. Visit us at,  Data Science Master Program in gurgaon

The ‘Nightmare On Elm Street’ Series Is Deeper Than You Know

In a genre dominated by Jason Vorhees and his quest to rid the world of topless camp counselors, the Nightmare On Elm Street franchise was a breath of fresh air. Not only was it a little more supernatural than the wave of Michael Myers clones, but it had a neat gimmick: the killer, Freddy Krueger, could only kill you if you were asleep. That sounds old hat now, but in 1984, just the idea of something other than forest axe murders on screen was cause for intense celebration.

But little did viewers realize that, beneath the puns and fantastical dream stabbings, there was an allegory about what it’s like to grow up. Tired, horny teenagers might have been getting murdered by a burn victim with a butcher shop for a hand, but in the grander scheme of things, they were just playing out their roles in a larger tale that starts with puberty and ends at death.

9

A Nightmare On Elm Street: Puberty

Childhood was great. You loved every peace-ridden, blissful moment of that Popsicle-sucking summertime innocence. But hold on to your blossoming privates, because puberty is here to literally tongue kiss you through a phone. That scene is probably the most explicit that the metaphor gets, as the protagonist Nancy reacts exactly how everyone still trying to understand puberty reacts when they first hear about tongue kissing: EW, TONGUE. EW, BOYFRIEND? EW, YOU CAN DO THAT? EW, FREDDY KRUEGER. That last one might just be her, but Freddy Krueger is nothing if not the slasher genre’s answer to that weird older dude who keeps telling you how “mature you are for your age” while trying to palm your thigh.

The movie is full of this. Tina, Nancy’s best friend and the movie’s obligatory “You ain’t cool unless you’re MAKING OUT!” character, wakes up with a tattered night gown after dreaming about Freddy Krueger chasing her. Soon, all of the teens realize they’ve all been dreaming about Freddy Krueger, our little puberty Sandman. And as with puberty, no one is initially equipped to deal with him in the slightest.

As the movie progresses, the looming presence of sex starts to dominate how Freddy menaces the teens. While Nancy is sleeping, we see Freddy appear over her bed, the wall resembling a rubbery condom that a nasty little demon head is trying to poke through.

The viewer is even present for a scene representative of Nancy’s first period. As Nancy lays in the bathtub asleep, Freddy’s clawed glove breaks through the surface of the water between her open legs. This isn’t just one of the most intense scenes in horror history. It’s clear foreshadowing of all the trouble that’s about to happen between your legs. From periods to wet dreams, they’re the first milestones that will take the allegorical teenager down a snowballing Domino Rally of confusion and destruction that’ll last anywhere from 10-70 years.

8

A Nightmare On Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge: Sexuality

As Cracked and even the film’s director pointed out, there is a ton of homoerotic subtext in A Nightmare On Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge. Nancy, from the first film, is gone and in her place is Jesse, a teen stuck in the throes of self-doubt about his sexuality.

Jesse has something inside of him that prevents him from doing the condom-collide with his strikingly hot girlfriend, Lisa. Right off the bat, Jesse gets whacked in the head with a baseball bat while watching a guy shake his ass. Seconds later, he and his new friend Grady are trying to tear each other’s clothes off. And the gym coach who seems to be paid a salary to watch boys’ hips during push-ups? He is stripped naked in a locker room shower before he’s murdered, which must have been quite odd for the people who were used to Freddy just pulling teens through beds and turning them into blood geysers.

New Line Cinema “This is, ummm, different.”

We start seeing Jesse’s nightmares where Freddy tells him that he needs his body. With a touch of the glove, Freddy is officially inside of Jesse and that closet door opens right up. Jesse’s parents have numerous conversation about how there’s something wrong with him, and they’re all too eager to leave him alone in his bedroom with his girlfriend. Note to parents who think their kids might be gay: Not a great thing to do. Be a little more chill about it, dudes.

After a full movie of conflicting feelings, Jesse takes the plunge and tries hooking up with his girlfriend in the cabana during her pool party. But the “thing inside him” comes out and he can’t go through with it. He runs away to Grady’s house, who is topless in bed and accuses Jesse of wanting to sleep with him. Jesse can’t get past the confusion. The only thing left to do is for the movie to break its own rules by allowing Freddy to come into the real world in a burst of fire. A lot of people have tried to explain how this fits in with the series’ internal logic, but the best reason for it still remains “It was 1985, man.”

The film ends with Jesse finding himself on the back of Freddy’s dream bus, being taken on a ride to his inescapable destiny. It’s a pleasant note to end on as the series transitions away from dealing with sexuality and moves onto self-discovery. And by “self-discovery,” we mean lots and lots of drugs.

7

A Nightmare On Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors: Self-Discovery (aka DRUGS)

The teens in Dream Warriors aren’t the hapless, “I love THE MALL” suburban kids from the first two films. No, this new batch lives in an asylum, which means that they are trapped with their own neuroses, struggling to obtain some kind of self-discovery. And like with some teens, the urge to find out “who you are” on a level deeper than “Well, I like pizza more than hot dogs,” means experimentation and some remarkably questionable risk taking.

Kristen and her fellow inmate friends are seeing Freddy in their dreams. But no one in the hospital believes them, until, like an ethereal goddess, Nancy, our hero from the first Nightmare, emerges. She not only identifies with the teens, she is an interning counselor who wants to help the kids murder Freddy when she realizes he’s back. And while the movie makes it seem like she’s pretty solid, the overall well-being of the asylum’s residents doesn’t necessarily benefit from her presence.

In a world of drug addicts and delusion, Nancy is a drug dealer. She feeds into these teenagers’ fears and continuously draws them back into the dream world, where Freddy is waiting to off them in an endless array of ironic ways. Addicted to TV? “Welcome to prime time, bitch.” Hooked on Dungeons & Dragons? Freddy literally tries run you over with a magic wheelchair. And whereas Nancy in the first movie was symbolic of puberty and hormonal awakening, here she is murdered by Freddy, swiftly and with hardly a moment of recognition. Don’t do drugs, kids.

6

A Nightmare On Elm Street 4: The Dream Master: College

It’s easy to end high school full of confidence, and then start college suddenly realizing that everything you formerly loved is lame and now your entire personality is up for grabs. When college begins, we often transform into a sponge, this mass Katamari conglomerate consisting of cheap beer, hacky sacks, and the thoughts and opinions of everybody around you.

As characters are killed off one by one, the protagonist Alice manages to absorb some kind of personality trait or physical ability from each of them, such as Kristen’s ability to pull people into dreams, Rick’s mean karate skills, and Sheila’s ability to rock a killer sweatband. That is a huge part of college: finding yourself … your style, personality, friends. Most of who you will become as an adult is built around college experimentation, allowing yourself to try on new personalities like hats until you find the one that makes you … well, you.

College is also a time of increased and liberated sexuality for many people. When Sheila succumbs to Freddy in her nightmare, she dies when he sucks face with her, which really pushes the “You should date around!” advice that most young people get. But sexy Freddy doesn’t stop there. From climbing into bed with Alice to whispering “I believe in you” in Debbie’s ears while she’s jerking off some free weights, liberated pleasure rolls off Freddy’s face right up until the final battle where Alice is kicking his ass and he seems pretty excited about it. But don’t stand too close to Freddy when he’s that excited. You just might roll over in his wet dream and find yourself stuck with a baby.

5

A Nightmare On Elm Street 5: The Dream Child: Parenthood

In a rare move for slasher sequels, The Dream Child finds us still hanging with Alice. But while she didn’t get slaughtered, she did get pregnant. And Alice isn’t the only one in this movie with baby fever. We learn the story of Amanda Krueger, a nun who worked in an asylum and was raped by “a hundred maniacs.” She became pregnant and because this series is dead set on removing joy at any cost, Fred Krueger was born.

As you’d expect, Alice’s pregnancy is not one of hope, but one of angst and impending doom. We’re barely into our twenties at this point in the life cycle. For the first time since puberty, your Freddy dreams are unreliable, since a common pregnancy symptom is, in fact, weird dreams. Alice’s baby-daddy, Dan, is seen hanging out with his friends, just drinking and having a great time, when Alice calls to tell him that Freddy’s come back, which is only a little more sobering than “Could you pick up something from the grocery store?” With that, we’re sent into a downward spiral of adult responsibilities. Kiss your friends goodbye — it’s just you and your pregnant girlfriend forever. Just not for Dan, because Freddy kills him. And then possesses his body. And then asks Alice “Wanna make babies?”

Freddy also becomes a talking bike. Nothing to do with parenthood, but important, nonetheless.

Freddy’s baby obsession reaches its peak when he kills a girl named Greta by stuffing her with food while she’s seated in a highchair. He then drapes her over his shoulder and burps her TO DEATH.

Alice physically forces Freddy out of her and Freddy is torn apart by his infinity-trillion crazy daddies, and his evil spirit goes inside the ghost of his mommy, Amanda. In a final act of baby defiance, Freddy gives his mom an automatic C-section by tearing his glove through her stomach. Childbirth. Truly a miracle.

4

Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare: Adulthood

College is over. You’re leaving your twenties. You’ve had some kids. You dabbled in strange careers that you thought would stick and define you, but by god, Robert’s Anime And Taco Shop closed in three weeks. The Final Nightmare represents all of your choices falling apart. It opens with an airplane crumbling mid-flight while Freddy flies by on a broomstick shouting, “I’ll get you my pretty, and your little soul too!,” which is about as life fall-ey apart-ey as it can get.

By now, Freddy is a caricature of himself, as seen when the trademark ’90s teen stoner falls asleep and dreams he’s in a video game. There he’s controlled and killed by Freddy who is using a Nintendo Power Glove. This movie is a nostalgic 30-year-old trying to prove to 15-year-olds that, yeah, he’s still hip. He knows the video games. “Nintendo” is the name of that little plumber, right?

The female lead, Maggie, is Freddy’s long-lost daughter. And she hates him, probably as she should. In time, your kids will resent you, too. Your life’s a mess and you’re driving in circles, just like in the character Carlos’ dream about the never-ending nightmare map. There’s seemingly no escape.

3

Wes Craven’s New Nightmare: Middle Age

New Nightmare isn’t necessarily a sequel to the the previous Nightmare films. Instead, it exists in a world where the other films are, well, films, and Freddy is a pop-culture icon. The years have rolled by and Freddy movie after Freddy movie has come out, throwing us headlong into a world where it feels like you’re stuck doing the same thing over and over again.

The actress that played Nancy (Heather Langenkamp) plays herself, and she’s pretty sick of the Freddy character, too. She gets even sicker of him when she finds out that Freddy has leaked out into the “real world” and is now an actual detriment to the life of her and her son. You do your job for years, it provides for you, and it’s seemingly only beneficial. And then you arrive at middle age and realize that it’s made you a nervous wreck of a person. Also, it’s unleashed a burn-faced dream goblin that’s out to off your child. The 401k is pretty handy, though.

At the last second, Heather ends up finally slaying Krueger and returning him to his fictitious world. She refuses to let a piece-of-shit job/dream goblin define her and overtake her life and ruin her relationship with her son. Unlike the earlier films which ended with the theme of “Freddy’s still around, life is hopeless, and enjoy the suck!,” New Nightmare ends with the message that even when you’re deep in the butthole of adulthood, you can still swim out of the shit.

2

Freddy Vs. Jason: Late Middle Age And Your High School Reunion

You’re invited to the party of near-elderly irrelevance by Freddy himself with an opening monologue that puts others to shame, giving us a history of his murder sprees and complaining that he can’t come back if no one remembers him. Being forgotten blows, so let’s all get together for old time’s sake.

The protagonist, Lori, is the first one smart enough to remember Freddy’s name. At first, Freddy tries to use Jason’s lumbering death corpse to give him power to come back, but when Jason starts stealing Freddy’s targets, it gets him real pissed. Jason wasn’t supposed to be the guy that could still break dance at the reunion! Freddy was supposed to bust a move.

New Line Cinema If this movie had been made a decade earlier, they ABSOLUTELY would’ve had a dance-off at this moment.

But the proof that this movie knows you’re old and lame is in its need to spell everything out for you. Like the scene at the table where they’re talking about how Freddy brought Jason back, how Freddy is afraid of fire and Jason fears water, so how can we use that? They might as well have been shouting into your hearing aid. “Back in my day, the Nightmare films were ‘The Dream Something‘ and Reagan was Jesus!”

The final battle really feels like closure on our pasts, even if we can all see it for what it really is: two old men fighting. It makes you remember how you got here. You feel at peace.

1

A Nightmare On Elm Street (2010 Remake): Old Age And Death

At long last, you’ve made it to the end. And this remake is the tumbling demise of someone nearing the end of existence. You’re about to die, but you’re just grasping onto that final financial breath. Some kind of strange attempt to prove to everyone that you can be something more or something different. But by now, you don’t need reinventing or fixing. You need to look back at your life and celebrate the best parts. Like all those glorious practical effects that have been buried here to make room for shitty CGI.

In typical “gritty reboot” fashion, Freddy’s “realistic” burn makeup is so thick that it renders him expressionless. Yet, he sure is a chatty dream murderer this time around. Reboot Freddy just talks too damn much. Like he didn’t expect anyone to actually come over, and he’s taking advantage of the company. He’s trying to get it all out before he can’t do it anymore.

The adults are too nice, and the teens in this movie are all bored drug addicts, which is the general world view of anyone who’s retired to watch a constant stream of TV Land and Fox News. In the final battle, when Nancy screams to Freddy, “You’re in my world now, bitch,” we realize that we’re probably already dead. And in Hell. Because never has there been a more flat and apathetic delivery in a Nightmare On Elm Street movie.

With that line, the series dies, and we’re ready to leave it and its allegory for life behind. We’ve been through nine movies that have guided us from puberty through death, and we’ve killed a lot of teenagers in between. Thanks, Freddy, for showing us the way.

You can find Loryn haunting Twitter.

The proliferation of beer pong and craft beer may have you think that we’re living in one of the peak times to get drunk, but humans have been getting famously hammered for millennia. Like a frat house’s lawn after a kegger, history is littered with world changing events that were secretly powered by booze. The inaugural games of the Roman Coliseum, the drafting of the US Constitution and the Russian Revolution were all capped off by major parties that most attendees probably regretted in the morning.

Join Jack O’Brien and Cracked staffers Carmen Angelica, Alex Schmidt, Michael Swaim, plus comedian Blake Wexler for a retelling of history’s biggest moments you didn’t realize everyone was drunk for.

Get your tickets here:

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/the-nightmare-on-elm-street-series-is-deeper-than-you-know/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/179366889377

The ‘Nightmare On Elm Street’ Series Is Deeper Than You Know

In a genre dominated by Jason Vorhees and his quest to rid the world of topless camp counselors, the Nightmare On Elm Street franchise was a breath of fresh air. Not only was it a little more supernatural than the wave of Michael Myers clones, but it had a neat gimmick: the killer, Freddy Krueger, could only kill you if you were asleep. That sounds old hat now, but in 1984, just the idea of something other than forest axe murders on screen was cause for intense celebration.

But little did viewers realize that, beneath the puns and fantastical dream stabbings, there was an allegory about what it’s like to grow up. Tired, horny teenagers might have been getting murdered by a burn victim with a butcher shop for a hand, but in the grander scheme of things, they were just playing out their roles in a larger tale that starts with puberty and ends at death.

9

A Nightmare On Elm Street: Puberty

Childhood was great. You loved every peace-ridden, blissful moment of that Popsicle-sucking summertime innocence. But hold on to your blossoming privates, because puberty is here to literally tongue kiss you through a phone. That scene is probably the most explicit that the metaphor gets, as the protagonist Nancy reacts exactly how everyone still trying to understand puberty reacts when they first hear about tongue kissing: EW, TONGUE. EW, BOYFRIEND? EW, YOU CAN DO THAT? EW, FREDDY KRUEGER. That last one might just be her, but Freddy Krueger is nothing if not the slasher genre’s answer to that weird older dude who keeps telling you how “mature you are for your age” while trying to palm your thigh.

The movie is full of this. Tina, Nancy’s best friend and the movie’s obligatory “You ain’t cool unless you’re MAKING OUT!” character, wakes up with a tattered night gown after dreaming about Freddy Krueger chasing her. Soon, all of the teens realize they’ve all been dreaming about Freddy Krueger, our little puberty Sandman. And as with puberty, no one is initially equipped to deal with him in the slightest.

As the movie progresses, the looming presence of sex starts to dominate how Freddy menaces the teens. While Nancy is sleeping, we see Freddy appear over her bed, the wall resembling a rubbery condom that a nasty little demon head is trying to poke through.

The viewer is even present for a scene representative of Nancy’s first period. As Nancy lays in the bathtub asleep, Freddy’s clawed glove breaks through the surface of the water between her open legs. This isn’t just one of the most intense scenes in horror history. It’s clear foreshadowing of all the trouble that’s about to happen between your legs. From periods to wet dreams, they’re the first milestones that will take the allegorical teenager down a snowballing Domino Rally of confusion and destruction that’ll last anywhere from 10-70 years.

8

A Nightmare On Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge: Sexuality

As Cracked and even the film’s director pointed out, there is a ton of homoerotic subtext in A Nightmare On Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge. Nancy, from the first film, is gone and in her place is Jesse, a teen stuck in the throes of self-doubt about his sexuality.

Jesse has something inside of him that prevents him from doing the condom-collide with his strikingly hot girlfriend, Lisa. Right off the bat, Jesse gets whacked in the head with a baseball bat while watching a guy shake his ass. Seconds later, he and his new friend Grady are trying to tear each other’s clothes off. And the gym coach who seems to be paid a salary to watch boys’ hips during push-ups? He is stripped naked in a locker room shower before he’s murdered, which must have been quite odd for the people who were used to Freddy just pulling teens through beds and turning them into blood geysers.

New Line Cinema “This is, ummm, different.”

We start seeing Jesse’s nightmares where Freddy tells him that he needs his body. With a touch of the glove, Freddy is officially inside of Jesse and that closet door opens right up. Jesse’s parents have numerous conversation about how there’s something wrong with him, and they’re all too eager to leave him alone in his bedroom with his girlfriend. Note to parents who think their kids might be gay: Not a great thing to do. Be a little more chill about it, dudes.

After a full movie of conflicting feelings, Jesse takes the plunge and tries hooking up with his girlfriend in the cabana during her pool party. But the “thing inside him” comes out and he can’t go through with it. He runs away to Grady’s house, who is topless in bed and accuses Jesse of wanting to sleep with him. Jesse can’t get past the confusion. The only thing left to do is for the movie to break its own rules by allowing Freddy to come into the real world in a burst of fire. A lot of people have tried to explain how this fits in with the series’ internal logic, but the best reason for it still remains “It was 1985, man.”

The film ends with Jesse finding himself on the back of Freddy’s dream bus, being taken on a ride to his inescapable destiny. It’s a pleasant note to end on as the series transitions away from dealing with sexuality and moves onto self-discovery. And by “self-discovery,” we mean lots and lots of drugs.

7

A Nightmare On Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors: Self-Discovery (aka DRUGS)

The teens in Dream Warriors aren’t the hapless, “I love THE MALL” suburban kids from the first two films. No, this new batch lives in an asylum, which means that they are trapped with their own neuroses, struggling to obtain some kind of self-discovery. And like with some teens, the urge to find out “who you are” on a level deeper than “Well, I like pizza more than hot dogs,” means experimentation and some remarkably questionable risk taking.

Kristen and her fellow inmate friends are seeing Freddy in their dreams. But no one in the hospital believes them, until, like an ethereal goddess, Nancy, our hero from the first Nightmare, emerges. She not only identifies with the teens, she is an interning counselor who wants to help the kids murder Freddy when she realizes he’s back. And while the movie makes it seem like she’s pretty solid, the overall well-being of the asylum’s residents doesn’t necessarily benefit from her presence.

In a world of drug addicts and delusion, Nancy is a drug dealer. She feeds into these teenagers’ fears and continuously draws them back into the dream world, where Freddy is waiting to off them in an endless array of ironic ways. Addicted to TV? “Welcome to prime time, bitch.” Hooked on Dungeons & Dragons? Freddy literally tries run you over with a magic wheelchair. And whereas Nancy in the first movie was symbolic of puberty and hormonal awakening, here she is murdered by Freddy, swiftly and with hardly a moment of recognition. Don’t do drugs, kids.

6

A Nightmare On Elm Street 4: The Dream Master: College

It’s easy to end high school full of confidence, and then start college suddenly realizing that everything you formerly loved is lame and now your entire personality is up for grabs. When college begins, we often transform into a sponge, this mass Katamari conglomerate consisting of cheap beer, hacky sacks, and the thoughts and opinions of everybody around you.

As characters are killed off one by one, the protagonist Alice manages to absorb some kind of personality trait or physical ability from each of them, such as Kristen’s ability to pull people into dreams, Rick’s mean karate skills, and Sheila’s ability to rock a killer sweatband. That is a huge part of college: finding yourself … your style, personality, friends. Most of who you will become as an adult is built around college experimentation, allowing yourself to try on new personalities like hats until you find the one that makes you … well, you.

College is also a time of increased and liberated sexuality for many people. When Sheila succumbs to Freddy in her nightmare, she dies when he sucks face with her, which really pushes the “You should date around!” advice that most young people get. But sexy Freddy doesn’t stop there. From climbing into bed with Alice to whispering “I believe in you” in Debbie’s ears while she’s jerking off some free weights, liberated pleasure rolls off Freddy’s face right up until the final battle where Alice is kicking his ass and he seems pretty excited about it. But don’t stand too close to Freddy when he’s that excited. You just might roll over in his wet dream and find yourself stuck with a baby.

5

A Nightmare On Elm Street 5: The Dream Child: Parenthood

In a rare move for slasher sequels, The Dream Child finds us still hanging with Alice. But while she didn’t get slaughtered, she did get pregnant. And Alice isn’t the only one in this movie with baby fever. We learn the story of Amanda Krueger, a nun who worked in an asylum and was raped by “a hundred maniacs.” She became pregnant and because this series is dead set on removing joy at any cost, Fred Krueger was born.

As you’d expect, Alice’s pregnancy is not one of hope, but one of angst and impending doom. We’re barely into our twenties at this point in the life cycle. For the first time since puberty, your Freddy dreams are unreliable, since a common pregnancy symptom is, in fact, weird dreams. Alice’s baby-daddy, Dan, is seen hanging out with his friends, just drinking and having a great time, when Alice calls to tell him that Freddy’s come back, which is only a little more sobering than “Could you pick up something from the grocery store?” With that, we’re sent into a downward spiral of adult responsibilities. Kiss your friends goodbye — it’s just you and your pregnant girlfriend forever. Just not for Dan, because Freddy kills him. And then possesses his body. And then asks Alice “Wanna make babies?”

Freddy also becomes a talking bike. Nothing to do with parenthood, but important, nonetheless.

Freddy’s baby obsession reaches its peak when he kills a girl named Greta by stuffing her with food while she’s seated in a highchair. He then drapes her over his shoulder and burps her TO DEATH.

Alice physically forces Freddy out of her and Freddy is torn apart by his infinity-trillion crazy daddies, and his evil spirit goes inside the ghost of his mommy, Amanda. In a final act of baby defiance, Freddy gives his mom an automatic C-section by tearing his glove through her stomach. Childbirth. Truly a miracle.

4

Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare: Adulthood

College is over. You’re leaving your twenties. You’ve had some kids. You dabbled in strange careers that you thought would stick and define you, but by god, Robert’s Anime And Taco Shop closed in three weeks. The Final Nightmare represents all of your choices falling apart. It opens with an airplane crumbling mid-flight while Freddy flies by on a broomstick shouting, “I’ll get you my pretty, and your little soul too!,” which is about as life fall-ey apart-ey as it can get.

By now, Freddy is a caricature of himself, as seen when the trademark ’90s teen stoner falls asleep and dreams he’s in a video game. There he’s controlled and killed by Freddy who is using a Nintendo Power Glove. This movie is a nostalgic 30-year-old trying to prove to 15-year-olds that, yeah, he’s still hip. He knows the video games. “Nintendo” is the name of that little plumber, right?

The female lead, Maggie, is Freddy’s long-lost daughter. And she hates him, probably as she should. In time, your kids will resent you, too. Your life’s a mess and you’re driving in circles, just like in the character Carlos’ dream about the never-ending nightmare map. There’s seemingly no escape.

3

Wes Craven’s New Nightmare: Middle Age

New Nightmare isn’t necessarily a sequel to the the previous Nightmare films. Instead, it exists in a world where the other films are, well, films, and Freddy is a pop-culture icon. The years have rolled by and Freddy movie after Freddy movie has come out, throwing us headlong into a world where it feels like you’re stuck doing the same thing over and over again.

The actress that played Nancy (Heather Langenkamp) plays herself, and she’s pretty sick of the Freddy character, too. She gets even sicker of him when she finds out that Freddy has leaked out into the “real world” and is now an actual detriment to the life of her and her son. You do your job for years, it provides for you, and it’s seemingly only beneficial. And then you arrive at middle age and realize that it’s made you a nervous wreck of a person. Also, it’s unleashed a burn-faced dream goblin that’s out to off your child. The 401k is pretty handy, though.

At the last second, Heather ends up finally slaying Krueger and returning him to his fictitious world. She refuses to let a piece-of-shit job/dream goblin define her and overtake her life and ruin her relationship with her son. Unlike the earlier films which ended with the theme of “Freddy’s still around, life is hopeless, and enjoy the suck!,” New Nightmare ends with the message that even when you’re deep in the butthole of adulthood, you can still swim out of the shit.

2

Freddy Vs. Jason: Late Middle Age And Your High School Reunion

You’re invited to the party of near-elderly irrelevance by Freddy himself with an opening monologue that puts others to shame, giving us a history of his murder sprees and complaining that he can’t come back if no one remembers him. Being forgotten blows, so let’s all get together for old time’s sake.

The protagonist, Lori, is the first one smart enough to remember Freddy’s name. At first, Freddy tries to use Jason’s lumbering death corpse to give him power to come back, but when Jason starts stealing Freddy’s targets, it gets him real pissed. Jason wasn’t supposed to be the guy that could still break dance at the reunion! Freddy was supposed to bust a move.

New Line Cinema If this movie had been made a decade earlier, they ABSOLUTELY would’ve had a dance-off at this moment.

But the proof that this movie knows you’re old and lame is in its need to spell everything out for you. Like the scene at the table where they’re talking about how Freddy brought Jason back, how Freddy is afraid of fire and Jason fears water, so how can we use that? They might as well have been shouting into your hearing aid. “Back in my day, the Nightmare films were ‘The Dream Something‘ and Reagan was Jesus!”

The final battle really feels like closure on our pasts, even if we can all see it for what it really is: two old men fighting. It makes you remember how you got here. You feel at peace.

1

A Nightmare On Elm Street (2010 Remake): Old Age And Death

At long last, you’ve made it to the end. And this remake is the tumbling demise of someone nearing the end of existence. You’re about to die, but you’re just grasping onto that final financial breath. Some kind of strange attempt to prove to everyone that you can be something more or something different. But by now, you don’t need reinventing or fixing. You need to look back at your life and celebrate the best parts. Like all those glorious practical effects that have been buried here to make room for shitty CGI.

In typical “gritty reboot” fashion, Freddy’s “realistic” burn makeup is so thick that it renders him expressionless. Yet, he sure is a chatty dream murderer this time around. Reboot Freddy just talks too damn much. Like he didn’t expect anyone to actually come over, and he’s taking advantage of the company. He’s trying to get it all out before he can’t do it anymore.

The adults are too nice, and the teens in this movie are all bored drug addicts, which is the general world view of anyone who’s retired to watch a constant stream of TV Land and Fox News. In the final battle, when Nancy screams to Freddy, “You’re in my world now, bitch,” we realize that we’re probably already dead. And in Hell. Because never has there been a more flat and apathetic delivery in a Nightmare On Elm Street movie.

With that line, the series dies, and we’re ready to leave it and its allegory for life behind. We’ve been through nine movies that have guided us from puberty through death, and we’ve killed a lot of teenagers in between. Thanks, Freddy, for showing us the way.

You can find Loryn haunting Twitter.

The proliferation of beer pong and craft beer may have you think that we’re living in one of the peak times to get drunk, but humans have been getting famously hammered for millennia. Like a frat house’s lawn after a kegger, history is littered with world changing events that were secretly powered by booze. The inaugural games of the Roman Coliseum, the drafting of the US Constitution and the Russian Revolution were all capped off by major parties that most attendees probably regretted in the morning.

Join Jack O’Brien and Cracked staffers Carmen Angelica, Alex Schmidt, Michael Swaim, plus comedian Blake Wexler for a retelling of history’s biggest moments you didn’t realize everyone was drunk for.

Get your tickets here:

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/the-nightmare-on-elm-street-series-is-deeper-than-you-know/

The Winning Formula for a High-Performance Weekend

Think back to a time when you had a great work week … only to lose your momentum and fall victim to old bad habits on the weekend. You ate too much, drank too much, slept in, and felt exhausted and anxious come Monday morning, snapping your streak of great work weeks at one.

Hopefully that was a long, long time ago. And if it wasn’t, don’t worry. It’s happened to all of us at one point.

There are so many weekend temptations that can take us off track. Weddings, birthday parties, sporting events, concerts, visits from family or friends, and even business conferences can derail our best intentions.

I still remember the first time I went to Morton’s The Steakhouse for a conference dinner. I was fresh out of college and working for a large nutrition supplement company. We were at a weekend conference in Las Vegas and on Friday evening, one of our biggest suppliers treated us to the fanciest meal I had ever had in my life.

First came the drinks.

Then came the 2,000-calorie appetizers (that’s what you’ll get in a plate of fried calamari).

Next came the steaks and sides.

Then, mercifully, dessert.

The next day, tired from overeating and under-sleeping, I found our host and asked, “How do you do it? You must take people out for dinner all the time, and yet you’re as skinny as a teenager and as energetic as ever.”

That was when he revealed one of his secrets for living a luxury life—the “Pick Your Poison” rule that you’ll learn about below.

His tip sent me on a nearly two-decade journey to figure out how you could have it all every weekend—from enjoying amazing meals to making fantastic family memories, all while getting ahead in your career and moving towards your legacy every day.

To help you do just that, I developed what I call the High-Performance Weekend Guide—a way to keep your success habits going while making time for the people and moments that matter.

When you follow this schedule, you’ll be able to enjoy every event without guilt and never feel like a social pariah because you can’t take part in festivities. At the same time, you’ll also continue to get your work done, stick to your healthy habits, and return to work on Monday rested and prepared for a busy week ahead.

Here’s the exact schedule to follow to have that perfect High-Performance Weekend:

Friday afternoon

It’s time to end your day by thinking about the start of the next one.

In my mid-20s, I stumbled across a secret: Saturday morning is a magic time to get work done. If you’re willing to set aside two hours on a Saturday morning, you’ll feel like you’ve completed the equivalent of a full day’s work. To make this process smoother, spend a few minutes on Friday afternoon preparing for that work—what it will entail and what you want to (realistically) accomplish.

Next, prepare for family time. Too many families waffle when it comes time for a group activity, ending up with their heads buried in smartphones or glued to TVs. Prevent that by thinking of a few engaging activities you can do together, and suggest these to your family at the start of the weekend.

Lastly, make sure you schedule a 30-minute block on Sunday’s calendar to plan for the week ahead and to reflect back on the previous week’s wins and losses. (More on that later.)

Friday evening

Here’s a little motto for life that strongly applies to every weekend:

“Push the envelope, but draw the line.”

In other words, when you’re working, you should constantly be pushing to better yourself and your business. But you also know when and where to draw the line and step away from work. Know when enough is enough; draw the line and stick to it.

It’s Friday night, so draw the line and spend your energy on loved ones instead of working or checking your phone. If you don’t, work stress will bleed into home and social lives and will increase tensions in your most important relationships.

Set a strict quitting time so that you can leave work and spend time with family or friends celebrating your victories and enjoying one another’s company.

If you choose to visit a restaurant or have a “cheat meal” on Friday evening (or at any time on the weekend), I urge you to follow the “Pick Your Poison” approach to dining. It is one of the big ideas I learned from my skinny salesman friend mentioned at the start of this guide.

His idea is simple, but effective for keeping extra pounds from accumulating on your waistline—all while keep you social and engaged during special meal. 

Here’s how it works:

There are three “poisons” presented to you at most meals: the bread basket, alcohol, and dessert. Pick one of the three (in moderation, of course—not a loaf of bread, a 6-pack of beer, or a full 2,000 Chocolate Thunder from Down Under dessert from The Cheesecake Factory). Choose just one poison, and accept that the rest are off the table.

To help make this easier, take a look at the restaurant’s menu before you arrive for dinner. Nearly every restaurant has their menu available online so you can plan ahead to choose your “poison” based on calorie counts or ingredients. This also helps avoid wasted time at the restaurant hemming-and-hawing over what you want your indulgence to be.

Following this tip allows you to enjoy your meal without going overboard. After dinner, focus on being social for the rest of the night until bedtime, but I urge you to stick as closely as possible to your normal bedtime, even on Friday and Saturday. This makes it easier to get up at the ideal time in the morning—one of the keys to maintaining high performance. It also prevents you from messing up your sleep pattern and tossing and turning on Sunday evening, resulting in you waking up exhausted at the start of the week.

But, if you do stay up later than normal, then use the “Ballantyne Bedtime Rule”:

For every extra hour you are up the night before, you may sleep 15 minutes longer the following morning.

Keep in mind, however, that the later you are up and the longer you sleep in on the weekend, the guiltier—and lazier—you will feel in the morning. It will also be that much harder for you to stick to your “No Snooze” rule when Monday arrives.

Consistency is key when it comes to high-performance habits. Getting off track and out of rhythm makes it much harder to make progress on your goals in every area of life.

Saturday morning

Do not hit snooze!

This sounds harsh for a weekend morning, but it’s important. Get up with your alarm and change your state as soon as you’re awake. Turn on the lights, play some music, splash cold water in your face. (This works for weekdays, too.)

When you stick to your regular wake-up time all week (weekends included), you program your mind and body to be energetic and productive earlier in the day. If you drop these good habits on the weekend, it will be harder for them to stick when it really matters during the week.

Now it’s time for that two-hour, productivity-packed work time.

This habit hack goes like this: On Saturday morning, when you’re up before anyone else, take the first 2 hours of the day and spend it on your #1 priority.

The earlier you do this the better—there will be fewer distractions and interruptions. (Also, make sure to keep your phone off while you do this.)

After your 2 hours of work are done, complete your biggest chores and to-dos: 30 minutes of exercise, shopping, yard work, etc.

By about 11am, you should have accomplished all of your big goals for the weekend. Now it’s time for dedicated family time and fun.

Saturday afternoon

Saturday afternoon is an ideal time to suggest a family activity. Plan several options in advance. Be ready to go to Top Golf or bowling if the weather is not co-operating, or have a bike ride route and picnic lunch prepared if it’s a beautiful day.

Be intentional about this activity. Minimize phone time and maximum memory time. This is what life is all about! These are the moments that make memories, so don’t give them short-shrift.

After you’ve spent a few hours with the family but before you have dinner, make time to prepare for Sunday and the upcoming week.

First, if applicable, do a meal prep session with family. These days, it’s easy to use a meal delivery service, so go online and place your order. If you prefer to cook your own meals, make a ritual out of shopping at the grocery store as a family and batch-cooking healthy lunches for the week ahead.

The point is, you don’t want to give yourself an opportunity midweek—in the exhaustion and frenzy that’s bound to occur—to take the path of least resistance and order pizza from Domino’s. Planning in advance helps you stick to your high-performance, healthy lifestyle.

Next, make time to prepare for a device-free Sunday. I’ve written about this often, and I believe that scheduling 6-12 hours without your phone or computer on Sunday can make a big difference in your mental health and relationships. Even as little as 3 hours away from your phone can refresh and renew your mind.

When you first try this, you’ll quickly realize how dependent you are on your phone for almost everything—music, communication, directions, food. That means if you want to go device-free on Sunday, you have to plan for it on Saturday.

Think of everything you may need: print off event tickets and directions to any new locations; write down the details of a get-together and contact info you’ll need; send emails to friends letting them know you won’t be reachable by phone and give them an alternative emergency number (your landline or your partner’s phone), etc.

Saturday evening

Saturday dinner is often a special meal. Whether out or at home, remember the “Pick Your Poison” rule. I also encourage you to avoid alcohol to ensure your sleep is sound. (Alcohol, after all, makes it more difficult for you to experience the benefits of deep sleep cycles crucial for your physical and mental recovery).

After dinner, spend a few hours socializing, but once again, set boundaries so you get to bed at a decent time so you’re up and ready for conquering another day.

Now I know what you’re thinking. “Craig, do you really expect me to go to sleep at 10 p.m. on a Saturday night? Geez, live a little!”

Listen, I get it. You don’t have to be in bed at the same time as a “school night.” However, this article is about high-performance habits, not how to be a frat boy in your 50s.

Your bedtime is your decision. Choose wisely.

If you do stay up late, remember my rule about sleeping in only 15 minutes for every hour you are up late. Add in a quick nap the next day to help offset your sleep deficit. But commit to not sleeping late or hitting snooze because you’ll pay the price on Sunday night when you toss and turn in bed, causing you to be tired and grumpy on Monday morning.

Sunday morning

After getting up (without hitting the snooze button, thanks to good habits), follow through on your plan to enjoy at least 6 hours away from your mobile phone, laptop, and television.

Spend this time journaling, catching up with friends and family, going to church, reflecting on big questions in your life, practicing gratitude, going for a hike or long bike ride, or engaging in other high-performer “recovery” activities.

If you’re tempted to go out for a “boozy brunch”—like many of my younger clients—just remember the consequences. Combining alcohol with “dessert for breakfast” (i.e. pancakes, waffles, etc.) will leave you craving a long afternoon nap. This, in turn, will affect your sleep at night, throwing your sleep schedule off and leaving you exhausted on Monday morning. You’re a high-performer. Don’t be thrown off track.

Sunday afternoon

Sunday afternoon is perfect for more device-free time with family. Make memories with the people in your life who are most important to you—without the distractions of work or technology. Be present. Your family will thank you for it.

Sunday evening

Sunday night family dinner was sacred in my house. It didn’t have to be fancy, but it was important, and a time for us to gather together. I always looked forward to it and remember many of those meals fondly.

If this is a habit in your home, make the most of this time together, and encourage conversation—reflection on the week past and planning for the week ahead.

Some of my friends and colleagues have even gone so far as to institute family meetings—either at dinner or shortly afterwards. During this meeting time, the family talks about what’s coming up the following week and what each person is looking forward to. This is dedicated time for sharing, bonding, and planning together. Trust me—these are the rituals that carry from generation to generation and build the strongest memories.

Sunday night

When dinner is over and you’ve had a chance to relax for a couple of hours, it’s time to finish your planning for the week ahead. Put together a list of weekly tasks and a process plan for how to get them done—what I like to call a weekend-closing “brain dump.”

The last must-do in your high-performance weekend is a weekend reflection.

I’ve often talked about “watching the movie of your life,” but on Sunday night, I want you to watch the “movie of your weekend” instead.

Reflect on the following questions to see if your life and goals are on track. They will push you to change what isn’t working and strengthen what is working for more rapid growth:

1) Is the life you’re living worth what you are giving up to have it?  2) Are you doing what you want in life?  3) Are you living the personal life that you want?  4) Are you doing enough of the little things that make you happy?  5) Are you spending enough time with the people who make you happy?  6) Are you making the best use of the limited time you have?  7) If things aren’t going great, what’s at least one thing you can do to start making a change today?

#

There you have it!  THE guide to a high-performance weekend that “pushes the envelope” in your career while also “drawing a line” for quality time with friends, family, and fun.

Every action has consequences. Make the connection between what you do on the weekends and how you feel so that you can do more of what works and less of what doesn’t.

As a high performer and a successful entrepreneur, you don’t have to sacrifice family or work on the weekend. You can have both, enjoying each one as you continue to move toward ever greater success.

For an ironclad routine that will keep your performance high all week long, get this CEO-vetted Morning Routine…

Sign up now to get our FREE Morning Routine guide—the #1 way to increase productivity, energy, and focus for profitable days. Used by thousands of fitness, business, and finance industry leaders to leapfrog the competition while making time for the people who really matter. Learn more here.

The post The Winning Formula for a High-Performance Weekend appeared first on Early To Rise.

Top stocks for January

We asked our writers to share their top stock picks for the month of January, and this is what they had to say:

G A Chester: Centamin

FTSE 250 gold miner Centamin (LSE: CEY) reported record production at its Sukari mine in Egypt in Q3. And strong production from its existing operations is complemented by continuing exploration not only in Egypt, but also in Burkina Faso and Cote d’Ivoire.

A P/E of 17.5, falling to 15 for 2018 on the back of 16% forecast earnings growth, looks good value to my eye. And there’s also a 3.3% dividend yield, rising to 4% next year. Just for good measure, it has bags of cash and no debt. As such, it’s a stock I’d be happy to buy today.

G A Chester has no position in Centamin.

Paul Summers: Computacenter

Shares in IT infrastructure services provider Computacenter (LSE: CCC) performed admirably in 2017. I think this momentum is likely to continue ahead of full-year results on 22nd January, especially as November’s trading update suggested these will now be “comfortably in excess of previous expectations”.  

As a further incentive, Hatfield-based Computacenter — whose clients include Domino’s Pizza and John Lewis — recently restated its intention to return £100m to investors through a tender offer. Although details are still to be finalised, those invested can reasonably expect the share buyback to happen at a premium to the current price.

Paul Summers has no position in Computacenter.

Bilaal Mohamed: Costain

My top stock for January is international engineering and construction group Costain (LSE: COST). The Maidenhead-based firm deploys technology-based solutions to meet urgent national needs across the UK’s energy, water, and transportation infrastructures.

  The group’s strong market position, reputation for innovation, and wide range of integrated services has enabled it to secure a raft of new contract awards and extensions to existing contracts over the past year, leaving the firm with a very healthy order book.

  Rapid growth in recent years has led to a doubling of the share price since 2013, but I think there’s plenty of value left in the shares at their present rating of 13 times 2018 earnings.

  Bilaal has no position in Costain Group.

Rupert Hargreaves: Man Group

Shares in Man Group (LSE: EMG) surged by nearly 100% during 2017, and I expect this trend to continue into 2018. 

After several years of turbulence, it looks as if the asset manager has finally got back on track with earnings per share set to jump 55% this year, and 22% for 2018. Based on these estimates, shares in the publicly listed hedge fund trade at a forward (2018) P/E of 13.7, which isn’t too expensive considering the growth on offer here. 

As earnings grow, City analysts expect the company to increase its dividend payout per share next year. A total distribution of 8.8p per share is expected, up 14% year-on-year giving a yield of 4.4%. If you’re looking for a cheap growth play, with an income upside in 2018, Man could be the firm for you. 

Rupert Hargreaves does not own shares in Man Group.

Roland Head: Mitchells & Butlers

I think pub group Mitchells & Butlers  (LSE: MAB) could perform strongly in January. The firm has recently reported tough trading conditions, but managed to maintain like-for-like sales growth of 1.8% during the year to 30 September. 

Adjusted earnings only fell by 1.4% last year and cash flow remained healthy. Investors have also supported the board’s prudent decision to suspend the interim dividend this year.

Encouragingly, like-for-like sales rose by a more energetic 2.3% during the first seven weeks of the firm’s current financial year. I believe a strong post-Christmas trading update in January could push the stock closer to 300p.

Roland Head does not own shares of Mitchells & Butlers.

Alan Oscroft: On The Beach Group

If this cold winter has got you thinking of roasting on a beach somewhere instead of staring miserably out at the sleet and snow, you certainly won’t be alone. And that brings home what I like about On The Beach Group (LSE: OTB). The company has a single and simple focus — it does short-haul beach holidays. 

There’s been plenty of growth already, with the shares having doubled since flotation in 2015. And we’re looking at a P/E valuation of around 20. But On The Beach has only just started on its overseas expansion into Scandinavia and beyond, and I think we’re at the start of a longer growth phase.

Alan Oscroft has no position in On The Beach Group.

Royston Wild: PageGroup

I reckon PageGroup  (LSE: PAGE) could be the share to get your investment portfolio off to a bang in 2018.

Investors headed for the exits in October after third-quarter trading numbers underlined the troubles PageGroup is facing in the UK. But I reckon the brilliant revenues opportunities in its foreign markets, and particularly in the US and China, makes it a great dip pick today (sales in these regions rose 29% and 21% respectively in Q3).

PageGroup is expected to generate a 9% earnings improvement in 2018, resulting in an undemanding forward P/E ratio of 15.9 times. A jumbo 4.3% dividend yield adds extra appeal.

Royston Wild does not own shares in PageGroup.

Kevin Godbold: Tate & Lyle

I’m seeing an attractive blend of quality, value and momentum in food and beverage sweetener and ingredients provider Tate & Lyle (LSE: TATE). In the November half-year report, the company said it expects underlying adjusted profit before tax in constant currency for the full year to be “modestly higher than we anticipated… driven by the strong first half performance.”

At 705p, the stock sits some 13% higher than it did at the end of September, momentum that looks set to continue into the new year. Meanwhile, a well-covered forward dividend in excess of 4% will keep shareholders warm while waiting.

Kevin does not hold shares in Tate & Lyle.

Peter Stephens: Tesco 

Companies that are focused on the UK are not currently en vogue. Risks associated with Brexit are keeping investor sentiment pegged back. However, this could create a long-term buying opportunity in stocks such as Tesco  (LSE: TSCO). The supermarket may face a competitive industry where shoppers are under pressure because of higher inflation, but it is forecast to grow its earnings by 56% this year and by a further 24% next year.

Such strong growth rates mean that Tesco has a PEG ratio of just 0.6. With dividends set to rise by over 60% next year, it could also become an enticing income play.

Peter Stephens owns shares in Tesco

Edward Sheldon: WPP

My top stock for January is advertising giant WPP (LSE: WPP).

WPP endured a terrible 2017, with its share price falling over 30% between March and November. Sentiment towards advertising stocks was low in general, and a cautious outlook from the company in March and a cyber attack in June didn’t help.

However, at the current share price, I believe the shares offer value. With analysts forecasting earnings of 121p for FY2017, the stock trades on a P/E of just 11.3. Furthermore, an attractive dividend yield of 4.4% is on offer.

In the short term, the World Cup and the Olympics this year should help boost sentiment. In the long run, exposure to the emerging markets and digital advertising should propel revenues and earnings higher.

Edward Sheldon owns shares in WPP.

How To Achieve Financial Independence

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The Motley Fool UK has recommended Domino's Pizza. Views expressed on the companies mentioned in this article are those of the writer and therefore may differ from the official recommendations we make in our subscription services such as Share Advisor, Hidden Winners and Pro. Here at The Motley Fool we believe that considering a diverse range of insights makes us better investors.

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