Its About That Time

It is about that time where I write another blog and bitch unconditionally about my life problems and repeat things ad nauseam for the sole purpose of spewing my irrational anger out there, especially after I have ranted and raved on my other social platforms due to people who want a reaction out of me, and them knowing how my mental illness works they get it out of me, and because I know with responding and reacting to such nonsense, I already lost, but then I go the extra mile to be disrespectful because I feel like if they are going to want a response from me, then I want them to regret everything. These certain people will make accusations like “Someone with mental illness, would not have to state they are mentally ill” Yeah I get that might not be what you are used to and I am so sorry ti disappoint savage type of people who want nothing more but to be like Howard Stern and try to push people to the brink of insanity, while having your crew cheering you on because you happen to do it under the guise of “comedy” but understanding the deeper seated issues of how this world is run and how people at the top want nothing more but people to be negative and ignorant toward each other, I found a way to convey how my mental illness works, because for the last decade, I have spent time analyzing myself and why I think the way I do, and how people could be pushed, especially when it has to do with the industry, and people just laugh at something going on with certain people, but think they are just reacting to a natural story and we should joke about anything, and you are fine to, but I am allowed to point out why certain people are going through what they are going through, and why they react the way they do.

There has been such a fucking stigma on mental illness for the longest time, that even when someone, who might happen to be a public figure, flips his/her collective lids, people just react to the symptom of the problem and think they are doing some edgy work poking fun at people, especially when they can’t explain what is going on and if they do dare explain the deeply rooted issues in the system, they are chastised and made to look like they are the fucking asshole. They use it as a marketing tool now, because even certain right wing type get in on the action and make their words and actions seem like they are the victim of something. This is why people resonate with Trump, because the people have understood the system to be the liars, when there has been a change, a limited one, nonetheless a change, so now anytime they make fun of Trump constantly and daily, people think he is some kind of victim, even though there is truth to what he says about the media, but now anyone who repeats anything Trump says will be lumped in with racists. They censor ignorant racists and truth tellers because they want you to correlate that there is no difference between the two.

So luckily for me, putting out, what some call delusional theories, has been the worst and the best for me. I have made myself an easier target putting it out there, and it becomes more ammo for people to use against me, and try to manipulate me. It could be trolls online paid to harass people, my own friends, my own family at times, or supposed Stern fans. I realize it would make me a target, and while it has made me an easier and bigger target, people can dismiss it as craziness because they are not allowed to speak out on how this shit works and they are worried they won’t get the perks they receive behind the scenes. So they think by organizing attacks and making it look like they are just random people hating on me for the shits and giggles, that it won’t be seen as anything serious. They have propagandized comedy and used it for their sick pleasure to fuck with people because they have been trained by the Howard Stern’s of the world to fuck with people and feed off the negativity. I know this from experience, and I have been in that same boat because I wanted to be like Howard, because he was one of the most successful people in the radio business and I had to follow those same steps, and when I realized it was bullshit I quickly tried to distance myself from those methods. Now I am under attack and when people try to get me on their platforms and I recognize they are imitating Stern in more ways they would like to admit, not just with the material of the show, but the tactics that are used. I left and I went my own way, and now these same people try to lure me back and making these accusations that my mental illness is some kind of act. I take issue with that because anyone who knows me, knows I don’t like feeling the way I do, or saying the things I do, but I rather be someone to spews his irrational shit, rather than end up like every other person in the world and overdose or go on a violent spree, which is their goal, it was said the purpose was to get me to kill myself and you are a relentless troll, and now you expect me to forget that. You analyze my mental illness, but don’t analyze your mental illness, because you have fake fans in your chats cheering you on, when you are the one who seek me out to be on that show. One minute you say you want me back, the next I hijacked your show and I was just a crazy whack packer, that you needed on your show and when you can’t find content that is remotely interesting, you decide to bait me into calling in, and telling people to talk shit in the chats, which you organize privately, in my opinion.

I didn’t like the direction of the show because you are one of those people that is going to be this edgy messiah to PC culture, while you are bowing down to ignorant bullshit the right wing wants people to be. I said to leave me alone. I can write a blog and convey my message. It hurts that I am not snapping the way you want, when you get me to snap, I will say some fucked up shit. In my opinion you have been connected with higher ups and they need you to have me on the show, so you can try to exploit more of my own thoughts and organize more arguments so I can yell at people. It is sick, you need help. Instead of getting it, you will get your people to come into my platforms to troll me constantly.

I was willing to leave it be peacefully, but you keep bringing me into this shit. You use my mental illness as this enjoyment, and I don’t even blame you fully, this is what people have been told is edgy and cool because being nice to people or being mean to the right people, the ones who are oppressing the people, is so uncouth and phony, while your brand of entertainment which is a bootleg version of what Stern does, is to humiliate people and make stupid jokes that are so passé, nothing creative. It bothers me that you can’t leave well enough alone, and even when someone from your show wants to talk to me, you have to oversee it, or you get incredibly butt hurt that someone else who does not want to be on your show, is talking to me. Someone you humiliated time after time, and then want them back. You and your sick “fans” spent nearly 5 hours going over her arrest records and exposing her real name and her age, and then you claim you want to be peaceful. Then you have certain republican women who lied about their connection to the Stern show, and then even lied about her political stance, because she knows I hate Trump supporters, especially ones who think he is doing something like draining the swamp, and not much after I left, she went on about being a Trump supporter. Nice to see I called out your alt right ass before you could use your “good looks” to manipulate me. These Stern republican chicks are the worst because they think they can grab on any Whack Packer, because we need to be embraced by any female interaction, and we are so desperate for it, that we will bend over backwards to cater to your ass, fuck out of here with bullshit. You people are sick and maybe instead of doing 5 hours shows, maybe you should seek help as well. You can be entertaining when you don’t cater to all this shit, but now fuck it, I don’t care. I was going to take a break from the show and maybe return, but every day since you left you either been transparent with your attacks on me, and then subtle with your followers coming into my chat.

You claim your viewership went up after I left right, then why would you need me back? My numbers are dwindling. No one cares about conspiracies and wrestling. I should just act like you and act like the biggest pervert on your show and check marking whatever else is on the Stern Show cliché list. I hate that I have spent this much time on this, but you know what you are doing. This goes for all of these trolls. Because I have been off that show, they have used their connections to suppress my numbers or anyone else from interacting with me.

I went on a wrestling podcast, and their accounts are suspended, because I dared talked about conspiracies on their show, then my time gets limited on other shows. Clearly these people know certain people who can do this kind of thing. People on my Face Book Live are telling me they are getting warning for liking my page or wanting to view my videos. They are limiting me so much that I would have no choice but to go back to these other shows. It is really sick. It is one of the sickest things ever. You want my numbers to dwindle down so you can claim I am nothing without you, when I am the one who was needed more. I was doing fine without you and I will continue to do fine without you, or as fine as my mental illness ass can be. Oops I acknowledged my mental illness and have analyzed myself inside and out, that knowing where my mind can go when I am extremely aggravated, so that means it is not real. I should get a group of people to organize and harass people, and do it like everyone else in the system.

I rather be on my own than be in group chats and organize this kind of thing and then on the surface acting like I am completely sane. Sorry that isn’t me, and that is why people gravitate towards me, because I am one of the realest people on this planet, and I am so real I can acknowledge I have to be a phony at times, which I don’t fucking like, If it were my choice, I would want to be dead, but these people won’t kill me, because it would make me look like a fat disgusting martyr, they want me to go out the way they want me to, and that is me inflicting harm on myself, and they have done that to other people in life as well. A lot of people are so doped up and so fucked mentally they can’t even speak about it because the savages in this world will call them pussies, and these same alpha male type are the ones who act like pussies, and they use fake accounts to fuck with people, because they would never want to show their fan base or general public know how insanely fucked in the head they are.

Leave me the fuck alone. I didn’t want to write this one, but it is bad enough people in my life are in bed with these shady people, and hide things on a constant basis, but know that to the system I am a valuable commodity, even if it doesn’t look like it, and maybe that is more delusions grandeur, but it isn’t high school anymore, you will not make me doubt myself anymore. You will not inject yourself into my life, no matter how many people from the past you tell to mention your name, so I feel the need to reach out to you, because you can’t take that I fucking blew up on the Stern Show before anyone locally ever did. I have been hated and vilified for this, and because my connection to the show is the reason for a lot of people to have the doors open so they can live in nice houses, take great vacations, and hang out celebrities at your private parties, and you get to hide this fact, then show up to me and tell me you love me and I am the man, while you secretly hate my fucking guts.

I wish these people would kill me, but it would never fucking happen. They will torture me mentally more and more. The writing of this blog will make me an even bigger target. I have to do it because I need to get this out of my fat head because I have no other choice. Leave me the fuck alone. Just let me die out and go on the other side, but I am sure you would for me to act violently and make threats right? Fuck off.