TLDR: Just processing. Any feedback is welcome if you are compelled to do so. Updates on my health and housing situation.

I’m really just using tumblr to process things anymore. However, I HAVE started cooking again and M and I have consistently Been going on walks. I’ll throw some pics at the end. I hit 200 on the scale again and haven’t stepped back on it in a month. I’m still struggling with stress eating and restricting and bingeing. All I ate yesterday was a soft pretzel before our 7 mile hike. We accidentally slept through dinner then a work emergency happened and we didn’t get to eat together, so I just didn’t eat. Now it’s 1pm and I’m in that restriction trap of “how long can I push myself” I know I should eat something. Anything. I also know I fall into a fast food trap when I drive back from M’s where I order a buncha food and binge eat before bed. I’m not in a good place mentally and struggling to care about not eating now and binging tonight.

I’m trying to figure out housing still. At this point, I’m angry that M’s mom moved in. I guess I wish she had said no to his offer. I wish he had given me more time to think about him asking his mom to move in. I wish I wasn’t so selfish because I really don’t think there was a better option. I’m angry thst im work from home and need space for an office. I’m annoyed that we use paper files instead of every other agency I worked at that was all electronic. An at house office then would have just consisted of a laptop and a whiteboard ...not a book case full of blank files and blank worksheets and bins upon bins upon bins of open files and closed files and referrals and holds.

I started looking at apartments closer to M because I can get a two bedroom for the price of a one bedroom by my job. But the affordable two bedrooms here aren’t in the best areas. I wanted two rooms csuse of my office. I found an apartment complex that’s in a safe area and also gated, but it’s the same price as by my job.

I’m realizing I don’t necessarily need two bedrooms. I just want to not look at my work stuff all day. I think I could manage with a one bedroom thst has a good size living room and I can put a partition up. Or find some way to hide my work stuff. I was thinking like, a curtain over the book shelf even.

But if I’m now looking at a one bedroom that’s the same price as by my work, is that irresponsible? I wanted to move closer to work to go to schools more often. But now that I’m closer, I’m finding it just as hard to make time to go and it’s because I’m still doing intakes at home. I’ve added an extra step.

Precovid:

1) go to school for an intake, pull attendance, meet with kids

2) go to office , finish intake, call parents of kids who were absent

3) update files

Covid

1) do intakes in the evenings

2) go to schools and pull attendance

3) go home and call parents of all kids

4) update files

Not a huge difference, but it’s a huge time difference. I met with my kids and got attendance because I’d just so happen to be at that school for an intake. Now it takes planning to get my attendance and time to call the parents.

I don’t see myself going to the schools more often than I am now. And summer is approaching.

So, I see M more than to to the schools. Is it irresponsible to then move closer to M? Is it more responsible to stay closer to my job just in case I need to go to a school?

I’d been prioritizing work over M. Now I’m feeling like I want to prioritize M over work. This job isn’t forever. It’s until I finish school. M is hopefully more long term. I’ve been really emotionally off since moving out. Add that his mom lives with him and it’s stressful being at his place. And my place isn’t any better and he can’t sleep over at my house because of my parents religious beliefs. Hence why i just go to him. We get more time together. There’s also more to do here (food, trails, etc). It’s just food where I am. Not many trails, only one free one.

We would alternate weekends if I moved closer to work so I wasn’t always going to him. But...if I’m not going to the schools...why would I be farther away from M? Because I feel obligated to be close to my job. Why? I want to make a good impression. I want to seem like work is all important. But is it? No. I like my boss and the pay. But I don’t like the job itself.

It’s shitty to say and def amplifies how much of a spoiled brat I am, but if for some reason it just didn’t work out, and I couldn’t find a new job up here and lost my job down there and couldn’t afford rent, my parents are still my safety net. I HATE that. But I could break my lease and move back in and start looking again.

But...I feel like that’s an extreme thought. I’d probably be able to find a job. Savings would back me up for a short time and I’d probably qualify for unemployment cause I’d never quit a job without finding a new job first. So I’d only lose mine if they let me go. I’m sure I’d manage rent or figure something out before I got evicted or something crazy.

So...I feel like my best choice is to move closer to M. I love this area because of the natural springs and trails and downtown area. The apartment is pricier but safe and really pretty and I can afford it without putting myself in a bind if there’s an emergency. For now, my job is stable and mostly remote.

I can’t tell the future. But I think There’s enough safety that if my job can’t keep me “post Covid” (if that’s ever a thing) because of the distance or if I don’t want to do that distance daily, I have time to figure out a new job.

I’m gonna put an application for This apartment.

    INTERIOR DESIGNING IDEAS

INTRODUCTION-

Dedicated to smart living, Interior Designing is that where we get the colorful joy of living. Get inspired to makeover your home the designing aspect is the best way to cover all your needs and living. As everyone dreams of a well-styled home and a lot prettier as well as organized. You should first despite your fact that you can decorate your space according to your likes and dislikes.

Some of the INTERIOR DESIGNING IDEAS that can increase your home value-

1 .ORGANISING:-

By the organizing point of view the décor areas or the starting of your interior decoration should be well organized. It should be very efficient as well. A very good idea which is very important while organizing-CREATE A SCHEDULE.

Creating a schedule gives interior designers a clear visual of what should be done. Whether you work from home or in a small office, staying on schedule is key to ensuring you meet all of your needs, and your demands.

2.SMART LIGHTING:-

Lights are exceptionally important. It is something that can make or break the entire look of your house in less than no time. No matters how well a person decorated his/her house,its just that the lightning gives the very smart look as well as the attractive views. It could be anything we can say,from a crystyl chelinder or a statement ceiling light to a covered floor lamp. Lamps are the best to add that amazing wow factor to your space. However we can also add up that if the lightning is good it can instantly turn your elegant space into a dull,gloomy one.

3.MATTING AREA(rugs):-

Another must have  for your home that add extreme warmth is MATTS or RUGS.  The use or matts or carpets make the room or living room more attractive as it gives the full comfort to our foots while walking or sitting on a chair.Rugs basically comes in a massive variety,different prints,colours and sizes. Colours and size should be very correct so thst it can make your area looks more attractive and elegant. If  your theme is dark then you should go for pastel shade to complement the dark shades,and if the theme is light you ought to stick to bold patterns or bright colours. Your accessories should complement your home décor.

3. GREENERY (plants or flowers):-

As we all agree that plants are beleived to be good for health and help clean the indoor air. ‘Introducing  plants into our homes is one of the ways of positiveness  and freshness’. Plants as well as flowers are the only things which gives fresh air to the persons and also it make peoples more creative and productive. They also reduces the stress of ones. Deciding to enhance your living or workplace with greenery the most important thing is to have fun with it.

4 .FANCY  PIECES TO DÉCOR:-

There should be something very unique and attractive in the house area. So basically it attracts the people and also looks very creative. As we know creativity is the best part of any decoration. Here  the word has the very personal connection- what might look fancy to one may not feel the same to another. But the power of fanciness is still strong for the first person. Some unique accessories or we can say some different style of piece may attract the area.

5.PICTURE FRAMES or ART PIECES:-

It is the most versatile decorating accessories. Art is all about diversity. You can also find suitable art pieces or just create one of your own. The most important part is that is becomes very elegant and unique via house.  As it is something that takes to the historic period. People used to make cave paintings,which were later used for décor purposes.

6.A  GOOD PLACE  TO READ:-

There should be a corner in the house where you can read your books and can work. After a hectic day from work everyone who specially loves reading needs some space to unwind. We should choose a place that is silent and not in the middle of the home,with a comfy chair,lamp and a curvy table.

7.GLASS  FLOORS:

We have glasses on our windows and doors but GLASS FLOORS  brings something new and attractive tecture. Glass floors are basically made on living area as well as in washrooms or new type of glazing also means glass floors,which can be used as a visual feature. It makes the interior looks more expensive as well as stylish.

8.CEILING MATERIALS :-

Concrete ceiling decoration is best in homes as well as in kids bedrooms. It contains stickers and pictures on wall at the top. It is an intresting choice for home decors.When it comes to creating a calming rooms rather than this there is no better choice.

For more such articles visit :- P R Bulls

ok replying to the last ask from the shortie convo: i have decided that the issue isn’t my unintimidating appearance nor any lack of badassery in my chart, i simply need to start snapping on bitches. no more making excuses just committing a straight up murder, verbally, or maybe i’ll just start swinging. who knows. i Could be giving off that energy you describing but i’m clearly not so it’s probably just that i’ve been holding myself back. fuck that, it’s been too chummy over here i’m gonna start summoning demons n shit. haunting people via the astral plane. going to their house and moving all their furniture an inch to the left so they bump into everything. swapping their lube and laundry detergent. stealing peoples bank account numbers. selling their organs online. fucking their mans. nt’s who wanna try me aboutta catch these HANDS! YALL WANTED TO SEE A SCORPIO YALL GON GET STUNG BITCHES

i’m definitely taking this ego boost and running w it tho. ur right tho us scorpios go hard. in theory i’m like “yeah i’m a p selfish person i always put myself over everyone else even those i care about” when in reality if someone even Breathes incorrectly at any of my like 4.5 people i’ve decided are My People they aboutta feel the wrath of a GOD. i just been cast away too many times to put in that energy for most people tbh it’s hard bc i’m an extrovert snd i Want lots of friends but i’m picky w em. if i find them boring they’re getting left on read. if their sense of humour doesn’t bounce off mine like a motherfucking bouncy castle that you can safely do a triple backflip on, i’m not having it. if they can’t take my roasts with their head held high they ain’t lasting long. this criteria narrows it down to just abt everyone who don’t want me, apparently, and some randos on the internet. LMFAO. then again i’ve had people i just thought were ok and not fun enough to stick around for, be the ones reaching out to me n put the effort in to be my friend and i just 🥺🥴🤩🥺🥺 i’m gonna roast them shitless but if anyone else says so much as a single hair on their head being off i am annihilating their entire bloodline down to the 9th generation. you best not go around telling ppl how soft we are on the inside tho hoe i do Not strap a switchblade to my thigh for people to find out about my romanticism or how i daydream abt just hanging out w my best friends n doing The most domestic and normal things just bc i want to spend more time w them, no, shhh. keep it on the down low. also aquarians tend to scare me in terms of genuine friendships bc y’all so flaky like aquas would tell me “i love u so much ur like my favourite person ever” then ghost my entire existence until i ask them for a tbh on their insta story and turns out they thought i was too much and their friends all hate me, like, i love yalls sense of humour but OUCH. u may projectile vomit at ur taurus moon but that’s like Exactly what u need to balance that shit out cause taurians to be ride or die. like yeah they’re arguably “lazy” by generalisation but that’s just bc their motivation is Extremely tunnel visioned towards whatever makes them happy and if that’s you you’re getting Showered in love n affection and attention and yall stubborn as a brick wall but loyal to a fault. us scorpios need thst shit bro we need that Stability taurians provide, esp since they’re so sturdy they tend to be able to handle our intensity well without being scared off. no taurus slander in this household will be tolerated unless it’s from me 😤😤😤 -felix bi anon

I'm tellliiiing you, you need to start smackin bitches. Cause I've met baby scorps that don't realize they literally are The Babe With The Power, and then full scorps who know that smackin tf out of someone is ONLY A PROBLEM to bitches who know they do shit they deserve to get slapped for 😂

I'm always honestly confused when people say Aquarians are cold or detached or unemotional ☹️because I genuinely don't get it 😭 like, we are some of the most emotional people on fuckin planet earth, to our own detriment—I think we just have an ego problem and we also tend to be extremely contrarian, so whenever someone thinks they know us or what we're about, we pull the rip cord because no one could EVAAAAA, and it's insulting that they think they could 😂 But I've always known Aquarians to be some of the most sensitive bitches, we just don't externalize it because our world is internal, we don't share w the world, we create our own. We are flakier than a fresh baked fuckin Popeyes biscuit tho, that is the gods honest truth. We will decide on the drive to ur place that we're no longer invested and just up and turn around and go back to bed without a word. I think what the outside world intercepts as being cold or aloof in Aquarians is actually just the fact that we really struggle with Casualness and take everything WAY too seriously and are extremely idealistic, and we're so used to being made fun of for being too serious or too passionate that we just like. Stop showing up mentally to a lot of spaces. Especially if what we're excited about is something other people find weird, we jsut go "okay I won't share joy with you anymore cause you're a bitch." I've also never known another Aquarian who doesn't feel an extremely strong sense of intuition, coupled with a really black and white thinking, that makes us quickly gauge how compatible someone's values etc are with ours and if we have an inkling it's not gonna work, we just dip. I'm totally guilty of thinking someone is my kindred spirit and then they say one thing that makes me feel differently and I just cut ties, cause I know that they won't change and I can't abide by our differences, so it feels like an insurmountable problem and we just shut it down and move on. We think too much about shit lmfao. My problem with Taurians has always been that, in my experience, they have this deep emotional capacity because they think of their life through the lense of classic film, so being the hopelessly devoted friend or the lovestruck ingenue is appealing to them for that reason, so they can picture their actions from a 3rd person pov and feel that the audience will react positively to their character. To people/signs that are internally motivated rather than externally, that can read as not being genuine, and that's been my large experience with taurus. I don't hate Taurians, I have a lot of them in my life, but the Taurus in my chart only exacerbates the natural dramatic nature i have and makes me unbearable a lot of the time lmfao. I'm idealistic enough as it is, my moon in taurus just makes me INSANELY emotional about romance and friendships to a degree that keeps me from having them because I NEED it to be storybook, it has to be perfect or I can't handle it. I'd sum up the taurus/Aquarius dynamic as us feeling uneasy about them because they're very driven, but we feel it's for the wrong reasons, if that makes sense.

Australia isn't afraid of shit!

I read on the news thst they're testing their houses to see if they're fireproof and indestructible.

I'm like tree can we do a couple big waves on them from the ocean?!

But i seen this lady all freaking happy standing in a pile of rubble metal all "we're gonna crush this and recycle it for cars!".

Its already burnt white i mean it looks fucking good

So I'm all ....

Man I don't even understand the power of love and trust. I don't. Looking at Australia and feeling worry. I know i don't.

I know the power of justice.

But all my love and trust has always been destroyed.

..

Abu Steven Lucas gave up. He got his soulmate and two kids and he said "were all gonna die. This won't last. Sit back and enjoy it because we are through. My wife is just here probably because I'm going to Hell and she's going back Heaven and I'll never get to see her again!"

That's the most hilarious shit I ever heard he looks at us me and William and says "its not funny you two!!"

Its absolutely hilarious!!! And absolutely sweet and innocent and darling. So much so he doesn't see how innocent he really is. Hes done so much bad to protect so many people. He's fought so much but he's ALWAYS kept those justice scales in the back of his mind.

Just like i always keep love in the back of mine.

Like WWI he was getting conflicting reports of information.. .

I was hiding actions being done so the maximum affect could be handled and he was being lied to by perverts.

And he didn't want to bother any one at work. Or ask anyone favors.

If he was gonna go to Hell, he was gonna take every memory of every second with those babies and his wife and make the best of it.

Just as he always has through this Hell on Earth. And be all fuck off Hell cause i got baby memories and mama, too. So no way are you getting through to me.

No matter what he was gonna go to Hell happy and stay that way..

I'm proud of him. I'm happy for him that's why i laugh so hard. Hes not making it up. He was being serious. 100% honest on his thought

Which... Is why it's funny because we're actually just laughing at him. Its rude but we know better than to argue with an Abu.

He saved our lives. The whole trailer park. Sure half of us ended up dying but we were all military brats. Not Wiliam LeGrande tho. He was already in the human trafficking system. Just like always but this time it was safe. Food and beds and work but decent hours and less killing.

But our whole trailer park and half of Iraq 2x. So what if he head ISIS and started it. He was defending himself, and others.

What if i hadn't killed eQ2? Our human trafficking victims would been dumped out over the ocean like the real Donald Trump

Sometimesems we have to play a little hard ball when we are just squishy babes.

Then I had to kill Donald Trump and then i had to kill 45 people in the International Space station although not a threat for me they made life miserable for others (now hiring they said, btw, aliens only)

5 directors of the Department of Defense

And I don't feel,bad.,trust,me the list goes on

But i saved,the world

If the world don't like it they can kick me off. I won't even get mad. Theres other planets,i can get kicked off of.

And Abu quitting. Really you know which day he actually quit?

I25 day. Which went beyond our country into Canada and into Mexico

All the way.

No Abu in the world could done it but Abu Steven Lucas. The only one.

But the last night of war he,gave that choice of,freedom.

The very last night. Its okay he was,being,stubborn he was gonna go to Hell and the war was lost. You know why?

That is the only way he would not send his men out. He has only not done it 4 times in his life and that's for people he doesn't like and i told him to.

He believed we would never win so he didn't send his men out. That is the only time he made that choice on his own

The most beautiful part the most beautiful thing is ... It was the very very last war night.

And he didn't make a call. He was their boss that paid them great wages.

They fought all their life for this freedom.

So the last night they could choose freedom for the first time.

The only time they ever had that choice. Because he didn't ask. He said "no more war. We won't win"

You should know that he has to pay wages of $6,342,795.62. So far for last night's fighting. (Money from Iraq drug bunker i taught him how to hide money in the compound before taking it. So no one would get in trouble then take it if it wasn't noticed-- just like i tricked JP and NHRA rapists and the wild West night. Robin Hood)

That is 158,569.9 hours of work for a 12 hour shift.

That is 13,214,16 people. Minus some reimbursements

That's at least 13,000 people he has set free on his own through "Girl Scouts" on my honor I will try to serve God and my community.

13000 people that were not busy. Or staying in to protect their families or watching their family on TV tear shit apart because it was such a rare opportunity to see the community for the first time do what they been doing their entire life.

That is on one road.

So no way is this dude going to Hell nor is this dude ever going to lose a war.

His legs got cut off and he still kept Harriet Tubmaning the world.

His pregnant with twins wife was murdered in front of him and he kept Harriet Tubmaning the world.

If his bitch ass goes to Hell it's cause he was kidnapped. And the Devil wanted to steal his power.

That is all i have to say.

..

So thank you Australia for believing and being amazing at what you do and not being afraid of new challenges and adventures.

The Abu welcome you into their hearts!.

Shit for reals cause dude you could told me Boo and i would ran all what what what is happening so you need help you look like it

And each time i asked you said no but i will help you.

That is an Abu

Australia & Abu Steven Lucas 💎

Wednesday, February 22, 2017

at 6:40 a.m. in Sag Harbor - much enjoying my stay here - yet my flexibility tested - I must adjust to my host - whose days a very varied. Monday I followed my old schedule here - though not all thst long ago I would be walking at this time to Chromer's - I loved that walk - get there by 7 andbuy the New York Time's, and a kit kat candy bar, go to the market next door and get a cup of coffee, sit on their bench and have my coffee with candy bar, walk down the hill and take a walk by the bsy - in the summer be the first and only to swim - walk up the hill here, stop at the green market barely open yet, get some of their delicious fruit, come here, still with time to make my fruit salad and then welcome my host who appeared at 9 a.m. - Lately I had begun driving to Chromer's, little tricky to get back on the busy road and the subaru has a bling spot that is inconveniant - would turn off and walk by the bay a while - well, on Monday I tried re entering the road at a different spot, found I couldn't see a thing about oncoming traffic, never have learned properly to use side mirrors, got on the road, was driving into the sun, had trouble seeing where I was going, missed my turn off to the bay - and decided to skip this early drive.The road I'm using is full of rushing driver's at that time, all late for work, one behind me honking furiously because i was going slowly - no fun. On Monday night my friend had her three hour choir rehearsal and I was at the American Hotel, the most popular, only? night spot in the area. Yesterday, today and tomorrow she has to drive to Southhampton = a good 30 minute drive - often heavy traffic. Twice a week she does cardio exercises - reduced from three tomes a week, today she has to see a doctor - contrary to me - well, she has to - she sees many doctors with great regularity. When her kidneys were failing they did keep her alive, earlier she had had a bad car accident driving to Kennedy airport to pick up friends - that she used to do regularly.. I can no longer keep track of her many health problems - yet when you see her, at my age, she looks the picture of health, youthful in mind and in her countless activities = cooking,, baking, writing, cleaning, taking car of her grandson, shopping, keeping in touch with endless people, visiting, singing, driving and taking care of the problems of two houses - including also endless contacts in Europe, Germany, Sweden - keeping up with politics, watering plants, feeding cats - and yes, here I'm sitting in the huge studio of her late husband, Peter Lipman Wulff - surrounded by the masses of art work he left behind at his death in the early 90's -he was born early inthe last century - a prolific artist - and my friend feels responsible to do justice to his legacy. And yet - she also does find time for me, for long talks. So, since I am no longer getting the THE paper at Chromer's I go with her to Southampton, there is a nice cafee The Pear, they also carry the NYT - and I am surrounded by the super rich, super elegant, super fancy cars - while yesterday I was reading the column by David Brooks giving statistics on the countless who have dropped out of the work force - not voluntarily - scrape by, get depressed, take pain killers, opiates, anti anxiety, anti depressant - not even mentioning the millions we ware house in our jails - at the CW one Eugene always prays for the superfluous people - often I too feel like one of them - and then I can read the memoirs of those unsmiling supr rich who I feel look scornfully at shabby old me - and read about the misery of their lives, I save the draft, have the greatest trouble with the mousw to get back to the text - and yes, for years I've been told to write in Word and not in email as I do and countless times I've been shown to get word text into email - andsomeweird inner resistance prevents me from learning that. So, yesterday we werre in Southampton and then drove to East Hampton where I always find good clothes in the thrift shop - alas it was closed until March 1st. These are summer towns. The diner where Paco's daughter once worked was jam packed, just having has coffee and a huge chocolate chip cookie at The Pear I was not very hungry - my friend was, we made a stop on my beloved Main Beach, warm enough to sit in the sun, back to Sag by a way new to me, saw big dear, menace on the roads, to P.O. - I bought three stamps for post cards - 49 cents they say LOVE - once upon a time I would write 20, 30 postcards - with email no more. Let's see if I get these 3 into a mailbox. No more long walks, a short walk that takes me 30 minutes - checking out the 1968 Cadillac convertible standing by the road - my favorite old car had been a 1986? Ford Ltd - a boat, I had set out to by a Toyota, was going to rent a car to look for one - 1996 or there abouts - the rental wasn't coming back, the salesman caught my eye looking at the Ford - $1500 if my memory is correct - try it he said, love at first sight, I came back, three sales men surrounded me - who put that price tag on? this car that had spent winters in colorado and only had been driven to church - no way can it go under 2000 - I held my ground, 1500 and not a penny more - loved that car to pieces, purred on inter states, did make it up steep hills, spent all winter under the snow, in June, turned the key and the motor started. A pebble hitting windshield cracked it, all my replacements from junk yards, the fit not perfect, wind shield wioers no longer working, something wrongwith moving the seat - my wonderful New Hampshire back woods mechanic, Carol, a born again Christian, a real character, I spent ours and hours with him - he said you can have that car to the end of your life, it's a honey, he loved working on it - alas one day - 2006? - it had just turned into an antique I gave it away - to a totally ungrateful squatter, who I'm told keeps running for governor on Vermont but no one has ever heard of him. Yes, these boats - many of us Europeans dreamed of them - the wideopen spaces of America - the songs that go with them. The huge truck bringing a huge white chair to one of the house was registred in Indiana - must have an advantage. Then I count the dozens of unused cars standing around, late models, expensive car, all the empty houses and think of all the homeless. My friend loves TV - a show The Brother, mysteries - I fall promptly asleep and snore, so she told me. My night becomes a bit fractured - but now it's late enough to take a shower without waking her daughter, two grandchildren and their father downstairs. Adios, my friends   Marianne