i'm going insane because of these tiny tiny screws

not to sit here and weave a story out of nothing like a little protagonist via my quirky online storytelling but i rekindled my friendship with sam who is such an interesting person there are just a lot of stories of all sorts and this is funny timing but truly we just fell into such an easy banter this past class so we were like omg lets hang right so. his roommate really is just like stupid hot right. i could get corny with it but i wont. a face sculpted by the hands of god though. all this prefaced i will now tell u an absolutely nothing story and i really mean that read at your own discretion ((A/N: trust and believe i yapped. putting under keep reading to be somewhat forgivable) (i am not in my best of states rn. okay.)

anyway so we're chillin in sams room im getting caught up on the latest construction projects and shit.. one thing abt sam hes always up to something. they've got an entire work desk #butchrealness. then i hear some singing out in the hallway but from where im sitting cant actually see anyone so convo just goes sam and roommate 'hey' 'hey' and then i peeked my little head out and waved and said hey and they stopped and set down their basket and said 'Hey' and then i did not introduce myself (flop) (combo of cramped room and sam talking and me being wildly awkward) (also keep in mind i dont know if this person has swiped left on me or not been on tinder or if theyd even recognize me anyway and hating that that's even a situation bc i hate that stupid app but just hoping worst case scenario i dont come off as an insane stalker but rather a victim of circumstance) but they just chatted for a sec abt whatever shelf sam needs to fix and that was that. and then they went back to humming which was cute or whatever

to set the next scene we're down in the kitchen and sams cooking and this is a while after we took his homemade gummies so im not rlly high per se but chillin and something about the noise and setup in their kitchen is so overstimulating for me lol when shes cooking im just like frozen. i always offer to help but he always just gets in a groove it's best i dont intervene. one time he had to tell me to go sit down in the other room bc i was freakin out a little lol

so im perched on this single high chair they have in the kitchen right next to their washer and dryer as sams whipping up some food and im kind of obnoxiously saying Unfortch in response to a story he was telling me and he gives me a look so im like UnfortunateLy. and then hes like 'psh i know unfortch i live with this guy' cue roommate strollin in with laundry and theyre just like Whaat and sam explains and theyre like Oh ofc you gotta know unfortch or whatever. forgot to mention that earlier in sams room they said three similar abbreviated words in a row just during a normal sentence and it caught me so off guard i wanted to giggle. so naturally my brain is going through Immediate social response of a semi awk laugh or quippy remark about that but also theyre literally like a foot away from me and im largely nonverbal atm lmfaoo so i just mumble smth to try and go along w the bit but then trailed off cause i was like wtf am i even saying. brain was overloaded

and then i was like um. i literally was just staring around doing fuck all like a perched bird or something but i was fighting a war in my mind of like ok do i introduce myself or look to sam to do so or do we not do that or is that rude idk but also they have headphones on one ear and are doing all their laundry shit and i once again dont want to be like overbearing but also well come on now we gotta feel out the vibe (and i do a great job here.) idk so im like Ok dont just look at them but dont Not look at them just behave like a normal person. you know. the usual. sam comes over to give me a bit of bread with balsamic vinegar and oil and i spilled it on my sweater fuck this stupid baka life (didnt really show. but still they were right there..)

and so after a min of this they were kinda like awkward laugh 'dont mind me' and i once again was very self conscious and had several things that wanted to come out 'not at all' 'dont mind me' 'it's your house' 'these all sound awful abby' then i got anxious that i was in the way the whole time but they were almost done and if i got into a weird apology thing well i would have had to kill myself so i just once again kind of uttered something that would have sounded like 'youresogoodicanmovetoo' and also 'sorry if i just keep like looking over at you' WTF IS THAT SHIT. FUMBLE BOOOOO and my follow up was essentially nothing cause i couldnt decide if i should say 'im just a bit out of it/high' 'im easily distracted (kys)' 'idk what to do w myself haha' 'im useless in the kitchen' (not entirely true) i mean just a few minutes before sam and i had talked about how ill just wander around peoples rooms and observe things to avoid feeling awkward and it's just how i am and so i was kinda just doing that due to the nerves of the sitch but there was only so much to look at. and i just sat there. offputting realness. whatever. so. straight face emoji. and that was mostly the extent of that i dont remember what they said in response just like a lil laugh or w/e. probably couldnt hear my stupid ass mumbling. so im thinking my chances of charming them at all are really stellar

if you read all this i want you to just take note that the events depicted here could not have been more than 3-4 minutes collectively. and yet the yap goes on..

for future reference, what did we learn? probably best to just continue convo with sam, excuse urself to br, or perhaps even attempt a conversation w them if ever in a similar situation again and they talk to you first again. also stop inventing complicated situations in ur head chill the hell out. idiot. says the bitch with the anxiety disorder. feel free to egg me on or tell me to fuck off ok xoxoxoxxo love u

The Great Green And Yellow Garbage Fire

By Itavin

email: [email protected]

In the dueling arena they fight, the one of yellow and the one of red. The rose bride stands as their witness, filling the arena with roses of yellow who are then painted red by her and my friend. The rose opens a mirror, and there I see, I am the one in rose bride cloth. As I see the chains of my fate melt, I see one rose colored…

“Hmm?” Saionji mutters as he wakes up. “Oh it must be a dream” He thought. He wakes out of bed and looks at what has appeared under his bed. “Why is that… are those eggs?” Saionji muttered to himself. He was so shocked to see an egg under his bed, he couldn’t help but be completely shocked. "Why am I laying eggs? I am not a chicken and definitely not a girl one for sure” Saionji thought guiltfuly in his head. “Well maybe someone planted it in my bed as a joke” He laid to himself. However, deep down he knew the truth. “Still I must protect the eggs, until its owner comes back!” He explained to himself secretly knowing that he has to take the egg he laid.

He went to the academy the next day feeling rather angry. “Man, it’s some stupid stuff there, me needing to take an egg to school. Only idiots like Touga would actually think its cool to lay eggs. But still, does this happen to everyone at school?” Saionji thought. He then bumped into Utena and Anthy on his way. “Oh sorry Saionji, I didn’t meant to hurt you.” Anthy said. Utena turned her head around and said “yeah sorry about that”. Saionji thought how to himself “What in the fuck is this girl trying to do break my egg?”. He turned around and was about to slap Anthy. Anthy turned around and looked at Saionji. Saionji looked back at her with blush. “I never thought that Anthy was so well looking before…” He thought. He then muttered “Watch where youre going, Anthy-Baka”. Utena said to Anthy “You know, Saionji is acting really weird today, don’t you think?.  Anthy replied “Yes, he acts weirder then when a human lays eggs, right?”.

“Oh that stupid Anthy with her stupid stuff”. Saionji muttered. “I wonder, is it possible for guys to lay eggs? Maybe Miki knows?” He thought. He then went to Miki at recess. He was in the piano room looking rather sad. Saionji asked Miki “Hey is it possible for human men to lay eggs?”. Miki stopped his stopwatch. It showed 1.98. Miki giggled a bit “Well, I said that to Nanami already but it is impossible. Its even weird in my opinion.”. Saionji got angry. “Oh you think youre better than me because I lay eggs, just so you know that is very offensive to guys who actually lay eggs. Youre hurting their feelings idiot!”.   Saionji got out of the room in anger. Miki thought to himself “What is up with eggs and the student council? I honestly don’t understand. Maybe I’m too young to understand…”.

“Stupid Miki, what does he know about Eggs anyway. Ha, you know, I bet I am so special since I lay eggs, everyone should worship me! Maybe this could finally give me the power to enter the castle in the sky…” Saionji thought. He then realized something “Dosent that mean that… I have more power the Touga?” He thought. He smiled to himself. He went and searched for Touga at the rose garden. “You said you have an idea how to get in the castle in the sky?” Touga asked. “Why yes, I think that because I have found the weapon to get in the castle.” Saionji replied. “What is it?” Touga asked. “My eggs!” replied Saionji with passion. Touga had a little grin and laughed a bit. “Well what size are your eggs?” Touga asked. “Well, they are about the size of chicken eggs, maybe a little smaller. Why are you asking?” Saionji replied. Touga giggled a bit and replied, “Well as your best friend, I must disappoint you and say that those are some small eggs if you want to enter the castle. Needs to be bigger than mine, at least.”. “Um, how big are your eggs?” asked Saionji with doubt in his mind. “At least the size of a tyrannosaurus, or even bigger” Touga said with a grin in his face. Saionji looked very embarrassed. “If you want, I could show you how to have bigger e…”  Then Saionji turned around and said “Thank you. I truly think you are my friend.” Saionji said . “Of course we are. If you need help, I would be glad to help.” Touga said.

“Hmm, what does it matter if my eggs aren’t as big as his? It only matters if they hatch helpfuly. Well they wont be as strong or powerful or… Oh whom am I kidding, this idiot Touga has probably huge eggs, double my size. But that won’t mean I can’t get with th…” Saionji was caught off his thought thread when Nanami bumped into him. He had an annoyed reaction to the action that has happened. Before he could say a word Nanami said “Watch where you are going, Baka!” and walked away slightly blushed. “Geez, she is acting weird today” Saionji commented. “Well, she has been acting weird all day now” Tsuwabuki commented trying to catch Nanami. “So, do you know what happened to her, Im just interested” Saionji asked. “Wait, I don’t care about Nanami, why now , is it the dream…” Saionji thought. “Well, she said its because of something that appeared in her bed this morning, but that’s it” Tsuwabuki answered. “Wait, could it be she also laid eggs? I need to ask her, but first…” Saionji thought and quickly asked afterword “Hey, Tsuwabuki, had you ever had a weird chains melting dream and t…” Tsuwabuki who was half listening quickly turned his head around and answerd “Oh, I had my first one not to long ago. It is very common in fact for these dreams to happen. They say they start around 5th grade, I must be so adult for getting them this young” Tsuwabuki said innocently. Saionji was shocked. “I never had these kind of dreams when I was young… Does this mean I am a…” Saionji thought. “Why did you ask anyway?” Asked Tsuwabuki. “Oh you see, an advice from man to man… If something funny happens after those dreams, remember to not let it influence your life, and keep being yourself forever” advised Saionji. “Okayyy…” Said Tsuwabuki. “Ok I need to go now. Take care of yourself, kouhei” said Saionji and then leaved. “Yeah, you too” said Tsuwabuki.

“This is unacceptable!!!” thought Saionji. “Am I this late… this just cant be true. HAS EVERYONE LAID EGGS BEFORE ME? This is so embarsing, even Nanami got there before me… I really need to look for her” he kept thinking. On his way Saionji met Juri on her way to play bowling. “Oh, Saionji” Juri said. “Hey Juri, where are you going?” asked Saionji. “To play bowling. Say, how about I play with you a game with you?” asked Juri faked smiled. “Sure, why not? But just so you know you have some heavy competition now” Saionji said with pride. “Well, since that’s it, carry my heavy balls and well see if you are some heavy competition” said Juri while passing her balls to Saionji. Saionji took the balls and felt how heavy they are. “So why don’t you take them to the bowling court for me please?” Juri asked. “Piece of cake” lied Saionji. After Saionji has tiredly got to the bowling court with many students on the watch, Juri said “Ok, lets start the match. Oh, I should mention you will be using my balls for this; the court is short on balls”. “Oh really?” Said Saionji with short breathe. “Well, it shouldn’t be a problem for big boy Saionji wouldn’t it, you did carry them to the court for at least five minutes” Juri mentioned. “Well, when you put ti like this, I can defiantly use your balls” said Saionji while trying to look as impressive as he can. Juri was not impressed. “Well shall we start the match then?” asked Juri. “Please no” Saionji thought, but he just nodded his head. During the match, Juri kept getting strikes every turn, while Saionji was barely able to get the ball to roll on the court. The students who watched were very impressed with Juri. “Wow, Juri is so cool”, “Yeah I wish I could date someone as cool as her”, “Oh my gosh, she is so good at this game”, “I wish she would be my lover…” all the girls mentioned while watching the match. Saionji started to get annoyed. “Man, Saionji is so lame”, “Yeah, he keeps losing to Juri”, “Man, this is the guy who we are supposed to look up too?”, “I wouldn’t ever want to hang out with this loser” all the guys mentioned while watching the match. Saionji got even more annoyed.  Juri ended up winning the match. “Oh well, at least you tried your best, Saionji kun”. By this point Saionji was going to lose control. “You did this on purpose, didn’t you?” Saionji said loudly. Juri then answered with a a serious face “Not at all, I just got the recommendation from Akio, he said that seeing me and you together doing bowling may increase even more the popularity of this bowling court”.  “Oh, so youre trying to humiliate me for laying eggs huh?” Saionji whispered.  “Huh, no I honestly thought that you are going to be happy playing this. Really. Not laying” Juri answered. “Why you, that was youre plan, wasent? Now everyone thinks I am stupid, I hope youre happy now Juri” Saionji mentioned on the brink of tears. He then started to leave the bowling court. Some of the guys seemed to Saionji as if they were laughing on him. After he left, Juri said to herdelf quietly “Yes”.      

Saionji went back to his house. He felt worthless. “Wow, I really suck don’t I? I lay eggs, ones that aren’t big enough, I laid them too late, and that stupid bitch juri won only because of them. I hate eggs. I hate eggs. I hate eggs. I hate eggs. I hate eggs. I HATE EGGS!” Saionji thought. “Wait, eggs are protein pilled. That is it, I will eat so many eggs, I will become stronger then Juri, I will be able to enter the castle, I will be the best!” Saionji continued his thought thread. “And, to make it better, I will add my own eggs to eat last, to rid myself of my weakness, I will call it plan 34!”.  After Saionji finished his thought thread, he saw a large amount of chickens.

Saionji found himself in the forest cocking eggs. He seemed to do so very seriously until Nanami arrived. “Where is my egg? Saionji do you know where it is?” Nanami asked. Saionji replied “No, but I am making some eggs for me to eat.”. “NOOOO” screamed Nanami. “Did you eat my egg? How could you? You monster!” Nanami screamed while punching Saionji. After punching Saionji, Nanami found her egg in the egg pile. “Oh thank god, my egg! Its safe…” Nanami said before becoming a little eye teared. Saionji seemed to understand Nanami’s thoughts. “Hey, are you okay?” Asked Saionji. “…No” answered Nanami. “Why not?” asked Saionji. “My egg, I was so worried about it, I was just paranoid about, it was just so embarrassing, but you probably wouldn’t understand, would you?” Nanami answered. “Well to tell the truth, I actually did… lay eggs today too” Saionji said to Nanami. “Really, and weren’t you ashamed of them?” asked Nanami. “Well I was, and I still kind of am to be honest, and its kind of stupid too…” answered Saionji. Nanami seemed to be slightly concerned with what happened to Saionji, and started to feel a sense of understanding with what happened. “Well, I think its okay that you lay eggs” Nanami said to Saionji. “Really? That is the first time I ever heard it today. Thank you. Just so you know, I think that the fact you laid an egg is totally okay” Saionji replied, feeling more warmth inside himself. “No its, not, you see, Touga was saying that a woman who lays eggs is a disgrace. I felt so sad when he said that, but you are his friend you probably think like him…” Nanami said. Saionji said to Nanami “Then don’t listen to Touga, he doesn’t understand you’re problems at all, I think that is very wrong of him, and you shouldn’t listen to a guy who thinks like that!”. “But, if I disappoint my brother, who will be there for me. Nobody but him can truly understand me, not after mom and dad…” But before she finished Saionji said slightly blushed “Then settle for me! Even if youre brother dosent understand you, I can be youre second to go. Can you accept it?”.  After a small awkward silence Nanami replied with “Sure.” With a bittersweet smile. “Hey, would you want to dance, just the both of us?” Saionji asked Nanami replied with “I’d like that”. They both danced away in a yellow rose scenery. Saionji then remembered that in his dream a yellow rose fell to the dueling arena and wilted, He hoped that the flowers he sees now wont wilt as the flowers in his dream.

Gougai, Gougai

Oh, my secret, its so embarrassing

What no its not

It is it is!

I told you it is not

It does not matter, as long as my cute pet doesn’t like it, I am doomed.

However, I am okay with it.

Oh look, its my pet. Oh pet let me be with you, don’t ever leave me!

However, what about me? I like you don’t I?

Huh? Who are you?

Wait, didn’t we do this already?

Yeah and mixing two episode elements, that is weak Itavin!

I mentioned to the shadow girls “So sorry…”