Good morning everypony

Snow White & Bambi

Pairing: Yoonji x Reader (F X F) Rated: M / NC-17 Genre: Gender bend!AU, College!AU Warnings:  Lots of anxiety, panic attack mentions Summary: She wasn’t even looking at you, but she might one day. In a classroom consisting of only twenty students, Min Yoonji might see you at the front of the room, skimming over words that weren’t yours, but were still riddled with meaningful similarities. An inside joke with yourself – that Yoonji was a lot like a Disney princess, visually anyway.   ‘She was a princess, who was as white as snow, as red as blood, and as black as ebony wood, and therefore, they named her Snow White.’

Sequel: Dragons & Bambi

A/N: I would like to say right now that I do not know shit about college or college basketball. This is a work of fiction, so just go with it. Also, some of the Brothers Grimm pieces were adjusted to befit the story more, so go with that, too.   

Snow White & Bambi

Why was it that every time you saw her, your mouth went dry? Breathing was a simple task for most and yet, your lungs felt constricted, and useless. She was new three months ago, a transfer student from Daegu. You could hear it in the lazy slur of her words, whenever she’d been asked to read aloud during Literature class. Today you’d been called up and it was ironic that you found yourself reciting one of the Brothers Grimm best tales, eyes lifting from each line just to catch a glimpse of pale skin and soft black hair. She wasn’t even looking at you, but she might one day. In a classroom consisting of only twenty students, Min Yoonji might see you at the front of the room, skimming over words that weren’t yours, but were still riddled with meaningful similarities. An inside joke with yourself – that Yoonji was a lot like a Disney princess, visually anyway.   ‘She was a princess, who was as white as snow, as red as blood, and as black as ebony wood, and therefore, they named her Snow White.’ Yoonji’s skin was like fallen snow, like a cloud had permanently muddled her skin with its shadow. She was an ice storm with a calm that comes after and not a second before. There was no fair amount of subtlety to her existence. Bored, catlike eyes remained focused on the rain tapping on the window, as a pink tongue slid out across her bottom lip, before she returned to doing that pout-thing that made you forget how to breathe. It caused your voice to tremble throughout the next paragraph, which was enough to raise interest when the professor lifted his head with concern. Could you imagine? Nah, it’s all good, professor – it’s just that my gay ass is currently invested in being tongue fucked by Yoonji, is all. Please, go back to your Subway menu. You’d decided a long time ago that something had to change. Even if you knew that you would have to be the one to make the first approach, it was still difficult to follow through with it. And you weren’t the most articulate with your words. Yoonji was weighed the second she arrived, the popular girls trying her out, and passing her up once they realized that she was of the musically creative and athletic sort. One would think that the two would contradict itself, but it didn’t. Not when Yoonji played, whether it was in the music room on the piano, or out on the court. It made you question yourself, wondering what the hell you were good at, except pining. The class ended with the tale going unfinished and would be saved for tomorrow. You placed the book inside your bag and stalled in leaving, wondering if Yoonji would actually eat lunch today, or if she’d skip. Skipping meals was a too common occurrence with her, which worried you. Did she not have money? Did she not like the food…? A shoulder nudged into yours, the impact nearly sending you into the lockers with a shrill. Jimin was pleased with herself, “Allow me to help you be less obvious.” Your only friend was pure evil and a part of you believed Jimin only befriended you, because you were woefully short. She’d once said you did ‘something’ for her legs? So, really, you were a walking favor that Jimin cashed in on every single day. Rubbing at your sore arm, you continued down the hall, “I think being obvious would only improve my situation, really.” “Try rolling your skirt up a few inches,” Jimin said, knocking into you out of habit. She was a clingy, hands-on friend, who was chock-full of platonic kisses, and hugs. “She might be straight,” you reasoned. Although, doing something more with the school uniform might help you standout a bit more. “Yeah, but my gaydar doesn’t pick up false signals, sweetie,” she grinned, before patting away at the same shoulder she’d just slammed into the locker. You winced. “Hey, Yoonji!” Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no. Fuck, no. The girl paused at the end of the hallway, short black hair falling over her shoulder when she turned. Jimin gestured enthusiastically, “Come here.” You were in your friend’s stupid mochi face, cursing low, “The fuck you doing?” “Helping. I mean, it’s this, or nothing happens, ever.” She looked at you seriously, “Remember what happened with Jeongguk?” “Uhm, yeah. You slut dropped on his dick and now you own it.” “That’s right. Now slut drop.” Yoonji approached, expression as vacant and uninterested as her voice, “You beckoned?” “I did, yeah. Wanna join us for lunch?” It was effortless, you thought, watching Jimin in awe. Even if she was your only friend, you certainly weren’t hers, and this was probably the reason. Yoonji was taking awhile to answer, a brief look of confusion flitting across her face, before turning glacial. You could see it so well, the storm reflecting beneath the surface of her pale skin. You decided to save her, throwing her a lifeline, “You probably have other things…” “You know what? Yeah,” Yoonji answered, staring directly at you – her words were tired and rough like gravel, easily droning you out. “I’ll join you.” “What a relief! My friend here was starting to think you were a vampire,” Jimin teased, purposefully slowing in her steps, so that Yoonji could comfortably walk with you. “Talked about calling in reinforcements, like Van Helsing or something, like a big ol’ nerd…” You shook your head, denying it, “I don’t have those connections.” “That’s a shame,” Yoonji sighed heavily, as though the small walk to the cafeteria was enough to wind her. “��since I’m Dracula’s third cousin.” Jimin played along well, well enough to make you feel envious all over again. “But you take sunlight like a pro.” “The power of the right BB cream.” Unbelievably hot were Min Yoonji’s blasé responses. She’d stated it so casually that it was almost deemed feasible in your tragically gullible mind. Forget Princess Yoonji, upgrade to Vampire Princess Yoonji, please. Thank you, brain. “This line is ridiculous. All the salad bowls are gonna be gone,” Jimin whined, stomping her foot like a child, latching onto you – swinging your linked arms around for good measure. Yoonji’s sleepy, feline eyes remained fixed on you the whole time, finally, finally watching you. She scraped her teeth over her bottom lip, contemplative, “I’m probably not gonna eat. I’ll go find us a table?” “Sounds good,” Jimin said, saluting Yoonji with her free hand. This was your chance to spoil her, even if it was with food, which – what better way, really? You would just double up on everything you usually get and then offer it up like it was a mistake. “So, like, this was all very easy, wasn’t it?” Jimin was smug and a smug Jimin was…eh, whatever, it was fine. You let her have her moment. “It kinda was, yeah,” you said, agreeing. You grabbed a tray, grabbing two of the ham, cheese, and jelly sandwiches. A set of jjiggae of the day, bowls of rice, two cookies, and cokes. A thing you’ve yet to witness was a happily fed Yoonji. In the end, this would probably end up as being more of a treat for yourself. “You thought she was the undead. You said that she was grumpy, unapproachable, and yet…” Jimin grabbed for her salad bowl. There were still tons of them left, thus concluding that your best friend was terminally dramatic. “And yet!” “Yes, yes, and yet she was nice, alive, and approachable,” you said, as you finished with paying for the food and skimmed your eyes over the cafeteria, finding Yoonji at one of the far back tables. She hadn’t run away yet, how lovely, and hopeful. Jimin already tore open her strawberry milk, humming blissfully around the straw with each sip. The girl was incapable of eating or drinking without making some type of noise. “Awe, look, she secured the table furthest from the jocks.” “Because they suck?” you offered, unhelpfully. “Anything else you’d like to say about my boyfriend?” “Tell him I said, ‘Hi’, since I know you’re about to ditch me for him.” “Wow, you know me so well. It’s seriously scary sometimes. Enjoy your lunch date,” she said, waving her carton of milk at you. “And you can thank me later, by the way, and properly. Like, with snacks and story time. Okay?” This bitch. “Oh, ‘kay then…” You’d wanted to lean on Jimin as a social crutch, but that wasn’t going to happen, apparently. So, you approached Yoonji, as calmly as you could manage, which was a solid twenty percent out of a whopping one hundred. If she’d noticed, she didn’t let on. Instead, she asked, “What happened to sparkles?” Oh. It was possible that Yoonji only agreed, because of Jimin was there. It was an addictive sort of energy that your friend tended to give off, a very positive and friendly vibe that everyone wanted a piece of. “You mean mochi sparkles? She spotted her boyfriend, who just so happens to be a bunny. Mochi and bunnies go together. Who knew?” You placed the tray of food down on the table, trying not to make it obvious that half of it was intended for her. You laughed at the arrangement, as though it wasn’t purposeful. “I think I bought too much. Way too much, in fact.” “Almost like an identical serving for two,” Yoonji said, letting you know that she knew – she knew, she wasn’t dumb, and you would never assume that she was, but there was underlying anger within the tone that she was using. It was a pleasantly sarcastic lilt that had your mind forgetting its function. “Two soups, two sandwiches, two drinks. All accidental? Do you make these mistakes often?” “Not u-usually,” you stammered, wondering if you’d offended her. “I don’t like eating alone, s-so whatever you don’t eat, I’ll give to someone else, or it’ll get tossed. It’s really no big deal.” “Bullshit.” The nervous smile you’ve been giving her fell from your face, shoulders visibly slumping. Admittedly, you weren’t used to confrontation. You sure as fuck weren’t prepared for Yoonji’s wrath.   “What?” “You eat alone all the fucking time. In the library, which isn’t even allowed, so however you manage that, probably with magic, or whatever the fuck – congratulations. The music room, you’re always off to the side, nibbling away on your gimbap. Let us not forget,” One side of her mouth was curled into a derisive smirk, going on and on like she was Sherlock fucking Holmes, about to hand your ass over to Scotland Yard, “…the gym, where you’re usually snacking on something banana flavored, pretending like you give a shit about basketball, which I’m pretty sure you don’t. Bullshit you don’t like eating alone. Just say it. This is all out of pity, isn’t it? New girl from Daegu can’t afford a meal? Let’s invite her to lunch?” What left your mouth next was neither a word nor a syllable, but was a long shaky breath. Your fingertips were cold with anxiety, in shock that Yoonji would perceive your intentions as pity. The dark look in her eyes was like black ice, full of tempered rage that was about to unleash with one wrong move. Meanwhile, all of those times you thought she never saw you, she did. She did. She’d listed every occasion, oblivious to the fact that it was to become closer to her. “That’s not,” you whispered, shaking your head. You felt weakened by her accusation. “I could never do those things or think that way about you.” “What? Did you think that by being charitable that it would make you seem like a good person? Hate to break it to you, Bambi, but the world doesn’t work that way. So, stop giving me those fucking eyes.” She settled back onto the bench, bringing a leg up so that she could rest her arm against it. Due to the cold weather, female students had the option of wearing sweatpants beneath their skirts. Yoonji did this more often than not. “We’re not going to be friends, but I am going to eat all of this food,” she said calmly, although her words were dripping with spite. “I mean, you bought half of it just for me. Out of the kindness of your heart…” By now you’d lost the nerve to eat, let alone to continue on with a conversation where Yoonji painted you as a horrible person. You were the villain in this pseudo-fairytale you’ve thought up. You could only hope that it was not Jafar – anyone but that turd, although his beard was pretty legit, and majestic. Great. Now you were envisioning Yoonji in a hot red Arabian harem garment, chained at the wrists, feeding you fruit, and wine… You had fucking problems.  She proceeded with what she said she was going to do, ripping the plastic off the sandwich, dipping her soup spoon into the spicy jjiggae. She shoveled food into her mouth like this was her only meal within the past week. At this rate, she’d probably end up with an upset stomach, but you couldn’t say anything. Instead, you watched the way her mouth parted for each bite, her complexion flushed due to the spices. You could cry. You might do just that, but not in front of her. “Thank you for eating with me,” you said, grabbing for your bag with trembling hands. She stared at you when you got up from the bench, “You didn’t even touch your food. Sit.” You shut your eyes for a moment, trying to cancel her out, because you wanted to obey that voice so badly. “You know, there’s a reason why you always saw me eating alone so often. We only have one class together and lunchtime was the only time to…” You stopped yourself, because nope, you weren’t that brave yet. You repeated the statement. “It was the only time.” She grew quiet then, too quiet for comfort. A deep pout settled against her jjiggae stained lips and you could tell that she was assessing you – all of you, your words, and actions. You could literally feel her picking you apart into pieces, searching for more faults. You shifted under her gaze, bringing your bag to your chest. A single bow, because no, you two weren’t friends, and you weren’t going to see her for the remainder of the day. You probably wouldn’t see her at all outside of Literature class. No more being a weirdo and eating lunch in super obvious places. It was time to put your fixation with Princess Yoonji to bed.

Time passed slowly. You noticed every cruel, drawn out moment of it. Lunch might’ve been the only time to see Yoonji, but now it wasn’t. You’d spent your lunch period at a table full of jocks, watching Jimin feed her oversized baby bunny his fries. Jung Hoseok would yet again, bark up the wrong tree, despite being shot down on numerous occasions. “You know who I saw yesterday?” Hoseok asked and really, you hated these types of questions. You shrugged, because seriously, “Who?” “Yoonji. She was working the counter at the cat café.” Well, of course she was. She too was a cat and sometimes cats work with other cats. It all made sense. “But I also saw her working at olive bbq just last week. She’s a busy girl. Probably sick of seeing my face by now.” Your crazy mind was already thinking of all the olive bbq’s in the area, as well as cat cafés, except you weren’t about that life anymore. Nope, Yoonji handling cute, cuddly, flooofy cats, and choosing the right kitty for you would have to wait, indefinitely. Yoonji handling an order of spicy chicken would have to wait, too. Knowing her though, she’d get angry over a generous tip. How dare you. Even a week later, you still couldn’t escape from Yoonji. You didn’t bother with responding to him, as you took your tray to the garbage, and walked out of the busy lunchroom. Even when you heard Jimin calling your name, you did not stop – couldn’t, even if you’d wanted to. Your arms felt too loose, fingertips too cold, an oncoming panic attack ready to be set off. Escape. Abort it all. Just as you’d felt the sudden urge to run, to pick up your heart rate – it had all come to a stop. Your body had collided with something firm. Not a wall, but a person. A glimpse of the beat up converse, sweatpants, and skirt combo should have been enough to properly deduce it, but it would be rather unusual to see Yoonji here. A hand on your arm stabled you and pulled you in, bringing you out of oncoming student traffic. You almost didn’t want to look. But you did, stuck in your own version of hell, where round-the-clock torture was helplessly staring up at an unimpressed Yoonji. The panic in your bones slowly eased, having no other choice but to regain control, as though her mere presence was enough to subdue your fears.    She smirked down at you, voice somewhat smug, “You’re real short, you know that, Bambi?” The nickname wasn’t going anywhere. “Yeah,” You sighed, still calming down. You’ve heard that numerous times. “But why can no one get over it?” There was cat fur clinging to the hoody that she was wearing under her school blazer, the hood thrown over her head with silky black bangs falling just beneath her brows. The halls quieted, leaving you both standing there with the muffled sounds of hip-hop music coming through her headphones. Even when you dropped your arm down, she hadn’t bothered letting you go. “Probably because it’s really cute,” she said – Wait, what? “Nothing I do is cute and I’m not even trying to fish, this is just fact,” you said, voice shaking with nerves, as you looked down to where her fingers were still curled in your sleeve. Silver adorned fingers, so many rings. Black matte painted nails. Yoonji’s hands were nice to look at and oh – kay, you were doing that thing again. Focus. She shook her head, disagreeing. However, “I noticed that you’re around a lot less lately.” Was there any reason why you should be around? You wanted to say those words, could feel them on the tip of your tongue, ready to come out. Coward. You were a damn coward. “It made me think that maybe,” she started, licking at her too red lips, drawing your attention to them. Fuck whenever she pouted when she talked, which was always. “…you’d actually wanted to be friends? Look, my attitude is total shit, I know.” “No, it’s uhm…” You don’t even know where to begin on the subject of Yoonji. You tried though, rolling your wrist so that you could hold onto the hand she’d snagged your sleeve with. She hadn’t even flinched at the contact, unblinking. “I like your personality. I do. I like that you’re standing here in a hallway with me, apologizing, kind of, in your own way, while rap music plays through your earbuds.” You hesitated, because now you’re dangerously close to outing yourself. “Tell me,” she said, firmly. The space separating you both dwindled, as she took a persistent step closer. You leaned your back against the wall behind you, not trusting your legs. “Whatever made you pause just now, forget about it, and tell me.” “I…” “Bambi.” Fuck. Your response was a classic, one that no human deserved the right to use – truly. In a world where words had failed you, but actions would not – you reached for the side of Yoonji’s face, cold fingers slipping beneath her short black hair, brushing over the silver studs along the lobe of her ear. Her skin was soft and hot, it was everything, but your mind was not able to keep up fast enough to fully appreciate it. What you hadn’t been expecting, was Yoonji to lean into your touch with her dark, catlike eyes burning into you. And despite making the first move, Yoonji was the one who kissed first. It was all wet, firm pressure, and too short-lived. You’d smelled the strawberry gloss, before you tasted it, running your tongue over your bottom lip when she pulled back, savoring it. Her voice was low, yet noticeably affected, “Was that okay?” You dropped your hand from her face, not trusting yourself not to lean back in for another kiss. You nodded, shyly, “Yes.” “Good girl,” she said, brushing her thumb over her own mouth, fixing you with a lopsided smirk. It was provocative and heated. It was the sexiest thing you’d ever seen.   Don’t judge a cat by the size of its claws. 

Literature class. The professor was still very much invested in making it through the Brothers Grimm tales. The strangest part was when Yoonji volunteered this week. Your girlfriend wanted to read aloud by her own volition. It was suspicious and intriguing. However, once she’d read the story title, it all made sense. An angry flush covered your skin, as you quietly watched Yoonji go on.   She crossed one leg over the other, a slender hand poised so that she could lean comfortably against the podium. Her dark eyes flickered to yours every so often, utterly pleased with herself, ‘Inside sat a tiny girl, no bigger than a thumb. The woman called her Thumbelina. For a bed she had a walnut shell…’        The lengths she’d go to just to make a short joke were impressive. If Jimin were here, she’d be rolling. That was alright. You had plans for Yoonji. The good, ‘fuck you’ type of revenge that would either land you deeply satisfied or devastatingly single. Tonight was a home game for the girls basketball team. It was also the last of the season. You’d get to sit on the bleachers and look pretty, rooting for moonlight aka the bringer of storms aka Min Yoonji. She was twice as foulmouthed while out on the court, aggressive in all her competitive endeavors. Okay, so maybe you enjoyed watching her play. The only difference was that now you had access to Taehyeon’s closet – Hoseok’s new girlfriend, who somehow managed to smile in the shape of a box. It was kind of cute. Both she and Jimin were rays of sunshine in your life, blinding, yet necessary. And although you hadn’t known Taehyeon for as long as Jimin had, it took no time for you to get close to her. Yoonji waited for you after class, not outside, but right at your desk. You stood up and slung your bag over your shoulder. “Thumbelina,” was all you had to say. She hummed, amusedly, “It was appropriate and worth all the social awkwardness.” You were still trying to adjust to her newly silver dyed hair and the shorter cut that had come with it. It made her look all hot and androgynous – and you were pretty much screwed. It took effort to refrain from cooing at her for the umpteenth time, going on about how cute – how gorgeous – how perfect the color and haircut looked on her. How well it went with her soft pale skin and dark clothes. If your two friends were the sun, then Yoonji was pure moonlight, and you needed both. “But was it worth me making this face at you?” You asked, trying your best to embody the cat from Shrek. Yoonji deadpanned, “I think you already know the answer to that.” Then she slid her fingers between yours, going by routine, steering you into the direction of the lunchroom. You stopped before going in, knowing that this was as far as she’d take you anyway. Yoonji was still not up for eating with jocks, despite being the female equivalent of one. “After lunch, Jimin and I are gonna go to Tae’s for a little bit. So, I won’t be able to watch you practice before the game tonight.” She narrowed her eyes, visibly vexed by that, “That’s a lot of pretty girls in one room.” “Pretty girls with boyfriends,” you reminded her, which was a fact she already knew, since residing within your friendship circle for almost a month now. “Besides, I can’t be stolen from you. Unless, that’s like, an easy thing that can be accomplished? Should I worry about all of the girls you rub up on during games? And my friends aren’t just girls, but they’re pretty girls?” “I get it,” she said, waving off your point. “I just don’t like it, but I’ll get over it. You’ll be at the game though, correct?” You shrugged, “By that time, I might find myself in a threesome I won’t be able to refuse. Pretty friends and all. We’ll have to see.” She pulled you away from the doors, backing you up between the wall and the drink machine. It was a small space, which was something that Yoonji seemed to enjoy all too much – small spaces, with her small girlfriend. No matter where you were, it seemed. In this particular spot, she was tugging at your lips, pulling on them until they were swollen red from the abuse. A soft whimper into her mouth made her grow more impatient to have you, slender fingers at your throat keeping you still. Your kept your eyes closed long after the heady kisses had ended, feeling a little too hot and needy for her. The familiar ache at the pit of your stomach reminded you of just how easy you were for Min Yoonji. How just a single kiss could tear you into pieces, skin flushed deeply, panting even though you’d had more than enough air, like you’d been deprived. The hands at your throat tightened a fraction and your head tipped back by its force. Her breath reached your skin, “Look at me, Bambi.” You did as she asked of you and felt imposed by what awaited you the moment that you did, meeting the heavy stare that you were no longer a stranger to, able to tell the difference between what was Yoonji’s usual look of iciness versus a darkening expression of lust. She wanted you. No matter what the circumstances were, you would want her, too. Her mouth twitched into a knowing smirk, aware of the effects she had on you. “It isn’t very nice of you to try and make me jealous,” she sighed, words lightly skimming your lips. “You know I don’t like it and yet…” She dropped a hand to the hem of your skirt, dark eyes watching you intently, as she ran her fingers along the top of your thigh, bringing the material with her, “…you continue to tempt me as though I wouldn’t fuck you right here just to make myself feel a little bit better.”          You caught her wrist the moment she’d conquered a questionable length of skin. Even if her closeness hid you from view, it was still dangerous. Saying no to her was difficult, for the both of you. Yoonji’s auto-response was to draw you in closer by your neck, brushing your lips together in slow, languid drags. For a moment, you’d thought it would melt away your resolve. You might actually allow her to have her way with you right here at school. “Take a picture, so we can use it as blackmail.” The familiar voice startled you away from your girlfriend, which proved to have failed anyway, what with being pinned between Yoonji and the wall. Jimin had her arms crossed, openly judging. Oh, damn it.   Jeongguk tilted his head, considering it, “I might.” “Well, that killed it for me,” Yoonji said, removing her hand from your skirt. Not wanting to give any nearby jocks the satisfaction, as she placed a quick kiss against your forehead, and said her goodbyes to the rest of your friends – for your sake. One last look at your embarrassed and slightly debauched state had her simpering, “See you at the game.” Taehyeon’s room was the size of a shoebox. Her closet, however, was big enough to make even Carrie Bradshaw jealous. It was probably the only reason why she put up with it. There was a single bookshelf dedicated to manhwa and handheld devices with the games stacked high consisting of otomes. Next to her bed was a collection of fashion magazines and an even bigger pile of sewing patterns. “You should wear this beret,” Taehyeon said, removing it from its limited edition box. “…with the short black skirt and the thigh highs.” Jimin was over on the bed, chipping away at last week’s nail polish. “I know it’s the last game of the season, but is this really necessary? I’ve been telling you to wear shorter skirts since the beginning of time.” Taehyeon answered before you could even open your mouth, “One, I’m shocked that this is coming from you and two…yes, it’s necessary. You should dress up every day. It’s empowering and it feels nice.” Jimin practically rolled her eyes in defeat, “Whatever.”  Despite being smaller, the skirt fit exactly how Taehyeon knew that it would, dangerously short, and super tight around the waist. The shirt was a simple striped, long sleeve – matching the black and red beret. Accessories were not your thing, but Taehyeon had plenty, allowing you to borrow her jewelry. The prettiest item was the black ribbon choker. You joined Jimin in retouching your makeup, using her dark red lipstick when she’d offered it. You’d never been so daring, but tonight was about driving Yoonji out of her mind, so why not? Your friends never partook in watching Yoonji’s games, which was fine, but not really? Taehyeon dropped you off on the east end of campus, since it was the closest to the gym. Your two friends were leaving you stranded to catch a movie. It was rather sad, considering that crowds made you feel uneasy. You always made sure to sit on the bottom bleachers, so that if need be, you could easily escape. Tonight wasn’t about your anxiety, though. It was about being supportive. The moment you caught a glimpse of silver hair, you were deeply reminded of that fact. Yoonji was in her dark red jersey, padded brace supports on both legs, which were just as distracting as your thigh highs. A Nike headband kept her bangs out of her eyes for the most part, balm making her mouth look rosy, and slick. Now this was a look, a whole meal in fact. You loved it. The only thing better was when she started searching the busy room for you, even while the coach was speaking directly to her. Being stared at was intense enough, but one look from Yoonji was enough to set your skin ablaze. The moment she found you, she’d paused completely, and it was the same for you, too – everything seemed to stop within that moment, even your breathing. The contact from sight felt no different from touch, as she dragged her eyes across your body with slow deliberateness, taking in all the obvious changes to your outfit. You watched the way her pouty lips fell apart, kitten tongue flashing out, before she cocked a slender brow at your newfound bravado. You felt more than vulnerable within that moment, like you were about to be devoured whole. Being in trouble with her was exhilarating. Disobeying, misbehaving, being defiant – these things made for a very impatient Min Yoonji, not that she had much of it to begin with. The captain walked with her out onto the court, Nam Joonhee. You were introduced once before. It was obvious that Yoonji was woefully distracted and you’d almost felt bad about it – almost. She shook her head at you, casting you a long meaningful look, before the match started. You’ve had Yoonji explain her position to you plenty of times. She was a point guard, because she was the best at handling the ball. Quick – quick at passing, quick at dribbling, quick at bringing the ball to the opposing team’s basket. Yoonji was especially good at long distance shooting. Every time she bounced up to take a jump shot, it was usually a secured point. Hell, you’d seen her shoot and then turn her back on it, because she knew that it would land. Your girlfriend was like that, insufferably smug about most things, prone to catty hair flips, full of conceit – a self-proclaimed genius. You sat through two hours worth of Yoonji running her mouth, sending the double birds to one of the tallest members of her own team. The more physically exhausted she’d become, the more invigorated she felt by it, sweat glistening at the back of her neck, as she strained for another basket. Halftime, timeouts, the typical highs and lows of a long game, the threat of the opposite team catching up, of scoring a point, of another girl getting way too close to Yoonji – blocking her movements, crowding her in, nearly shoving her down. It had you on edge. The match ended with a one point difference, Yoonji’s team reigning victorious. Usually the girls would head into the locker room, but it looked as though Yoonji was saying her goodbyes early, patting the back of the same girl she’d flipped off earlier. Seokgenie her name was, if you remembered correctly. A visible pause – Yoonji’s body straightened with tension when she looked over her shoulder at you, dark eyes on yours then, which had been a frequented action throughout the game. Time could not prepare you for how fast she’d closed the distance, wordlessly grabbing you by your wrist, and hauling you out the double doors. The silence was to be expected, as she brought you further away from the crowd, away from everyone so that no one could hear you screaming bloody murder. You noticed the route she was taking. The school bathrooms were kept unlocked during the game. Yoonji practically hurled you far ahead from where she stood, releasing your wrist with enough force to send you into the counter. You’d caught yourself with your palms against the surface. A wild angry Yoonji appears. She gestured with a finger, pointing from the top of your beret down to your boots, “Who’s closet did you raid, because it sure as shit wasn’t yours.” “Taehyeon’s…” you said, attempting to tug your skirt down. It kept riding up, the damn thing. “I thought you’d like it.” Yoonji tilted her head at you, eyes narrowed like you should know better, “We can both agree that it’s not your style.” “Maybe it is now,” you said, shrugging in nonchalance. Why did it have to be a thing? Not that it was much of a threat, but, “Be prepared for a new collection of miniskirts and thigh highs.” She chuckled softly at that, lacking any real amusement, “Oh, my sweet Bambi. You know as well as I do that tonight was all about distracting me. You wanted my attention all to yourself, didn’t you?” Striking the figurative match, she continued, “Your behavior is coming off as rather needy as of late.” Needy? Oh. “I never meant to distract you, but since we’re on the topic. Let’s say that I was trying to do just that, I’d say it worked. You did miss that layup when I started fixing my stockings,” you said, voice trembling at the end of your sentence when she started coming closer. You followed her pace, carefully stepping backwards each time she advanced. “The end score was only a one point difference. You could have lost the game all because of me.” The heavy glare she’d settled on you was enough to let you know that there was truth to your statement. “Yeah, we could have,” she agreed with you, taking a moment to pause, becoming absolutely still. Perhaps pointing out her mistakes wasn’t a good idea on your part, you could see that now – could feel it within the intensity of a single glance. “My head was elsewhere, but that was your fault. I kept thinking about what I’d do to you once I finally got you alone. Take my time bringing you back to my place, so that I could fuck you with that pretty new toy we picked out, but you know me. I’ve never been any good at being patient.” You nodded, well aware of the fact that she liked to go fast. Dating Yoonji was something you had always envisioned as a slow affair filled with shyness, and timid firsts. When, no less than a week after she’d kissed you in the hallway, she had you screaming into her Lord Nermal bedding, making you come against the firm press of her mouth, her tongue still fucking into you after you’d been sated – wanting more from you.     “Looks like you’re out of room,” Yoonji observed with mock pity, watching as your back met the stall and you startled at the contact. She was careful not to touch you at first, even when she’d been close enough to do so, which drove you absolutely mad. Instead, she reached for the lock, and twisted it so that the door opened. You fell inside with little grace and quickly found yourself being pinned to the surface once it’d been closed and relocked. Yoonji’s skin was still damp with sweat, the ends of her silver hair soaked. The smell was a heady mix of her perfume and two hours’ worth of exertion. At this closeness, her eyes fluttered painfully slow, thick dark lashes framing pretty kitten shaped eyes, her pupils dilated with want, staring at you with a slow curl of her red lips.  “Are you ready for my undivided attention?” she taunted, pressing the full length of her body against your own, lips falling against your temple with each word, “This is what you wanted, baby. You wanted to dress like a slut for me and now I get to treat you like one.” You were frustrated, petulant in a way that only she seemed to bring out of you, “That’s not what I was trying–” She touched her cool hands to your face, pulling you into a kiss that was deceptively light, and sweet. You knew that it was an apology for the wreck that was about to happen, because the next pull of your lips was with her teeth, the sharp pain causing you to whimper. She soothed you with her tongue, mouth pliant when she licked into your mouth, growing more invested with sucking, and nipping at you every time you attempted to regain any semblance of control. Your lipstick was sure to be smeared, since Yoonji was wearing it now, the dark shade of wild berries staining her pale skin. It was hot – it shouldn’t be, but it was.        The shirt you wore was purposefully low cut, revealing a few straps of your bralette. She’d once commented on how it looked a lot like a harness on you, enjoying the thought of it. Yoonji’s breasts were small, which was probably why she played with yours so much. They were full, big enough to avoid button ups since the age of twelve, cringing at the catcalls you still managed to receive, even on days where your chest was bound, because you hated them so much. Hated, although with the way Yoonji practically worshipped them, you were starting to gain confidence.  She pulled your shirt over your head, arms already raised to assist her, when she stopped – allowing the fitted material to serve as its own restraints. You tucked your hands above your head into a more comfortable position, a breath escaping when she closed her fingers around your throat. The pressure slight, just enough to remind you that you were hers, “I’m still gonna take you home after this…” Her other hand was teasing below the many straps. “…so you can ride me on that cute little cock we bought. I wanna watch your tits bounce. Bet you’d look so pretty. Would you like that?” Your thighs closed against the ache you felt, clenching painfully around nothing, but you needed – needed so badly to be filled by her. She tightened her fingers when your response was delayed too long for her liking, “Words.” It was difficult, your mind becoming hazy with want. You wanted her however you could have her. You managed a small, “Yes, please.” She released her grip on you to pull at the front of your bralette. The straps were adjusted lower, trapping your nipples between the thin lines of the material, exposing you further. Yoonji’s hands were pleasantly larger than yours, weighing your breasts within her palms, short black nails digging into your sensitive skin as she bent down to tease – encircling an erect bud with her tongue, before sucking messily – the sound of it was twice as loud given your surroundings. You were already trembling. Each time she brought your sensitive skin into the hot suction of her mouth, the pleasure shot straight to your core. You tried moving your arms, on the brink of desperation, “I want…ahh…to touch you…” Her only response was a sharp nip of her teeth, fingers growing more possessive when she gripped and kneaded at your hips. Yoonji’s lips were the color of cherries, swollen red from working over your skin. You shrunk against the surface when she stood at full height, staring at you from behind strands of silver hair, wiping the saliva from the corners of her mouth. “Wanna be good for me?” she asked, leaning into you so she could tug your shirt off the rest of the way. She moved back before you could reach for her, making it clear that you weren’t permitted to do so. “The point of this is that I get to do whatever I want with you, not the other way around. Now lift up your skirt.” True to tonight’s theme, this wasn’t really your style, either, which was probably why your face was on fire. You were reduced to a shy, anxious mess. She knew it, too, eyes as black as charcoal, challenging you to dare be defiant. Your fingers uncurled from your sides to slowly pull the fabric high enough for her to see your panties – the same panties that had nothing to do with the rest of your outfit. “Tinkerbelle,” Yoonji noted, the Disney character print of your underwear was endearing to her, heavy gaze alit with amusement. “This is more you, isn’t it? Nothing like the little slut you’d come dressed as, hm?” The words slipped past your lips, before you could stop them, “Fuck you.” “Fuck me? You’re really in no position to be saying that...” There was a hint of Daegu satoori in the lazy drawl of her words, the inflection doing something to you all on its own. All Yoonji had to do was whisper into your ear and you would be a mess. She laughed at your obvious struggle, the derisive sound turning you on more than it had angered you, “My sweet, sweet Bambi.” She leaned down, immediately parting your lips with her tongue so she could fill you. You loved when Yoonji kissed you – loved how she took her time with it. She was thorough, drifting over your teeth, along the roof of your mouth. Yoonji stole whenever she kissed, consumed and tasted every bit of you, until it felt like you couldn’t breathe. You hummed, easily falling captive when her hand moved past your stomach, slipping beneath the cotton of your panties. You were clean shaven, which wasn’t news to her, but she still groaned at how smooth you felt. It was difficult to focus on the hot tongue delving between your lips, when she slid her middle finger between your soaked folds, gathering your arousal and coating you with it, making each touch afterwards slippery, and wet. You rolled your hips against her palm, breaking the kiss with a sharp gasp – forgetting about where this was happening. “Wanna know what gets me off?” Yoonji teased, speaking into your lips. You nodded slowly, nose to nose with her. You wanted to know. You really, really did. She leaned in so that she could say the rest against your ear, her mouth pressing firmly. It caused your shoulders to scrunch up. She murmured, thickly, “Getting you off.” Yoonji was…impossible. You would have said so if you could, but words were too hard a task when her lips wandered down the side of your neck, expertly swirling her tongue – marking you in several spots. Marking was her new thing, although it was usually in less obvious places. You would have to hide these, but she didn’t seem to care. Not even you cared, becoming lost to the incessant strokes of her delicate fingers, the way she allowed you to grind against them, moving at whatever pace you desired. The sharp sting of her teeth along your collarbone made your legs tremble, the molten heat at your lower stomach ready to unfurl. You were shameless when you were gone. The small moans and quickened breaths resounded harshly off the bathroom walls. You were so painfully close, teetering over the edge when she wedged a finger in deep, pulling back far enough to watch your downfall – pushing in another digit, pumping them in and out of you. You were thrown off – orgasm delayed for only a few short seconds longer, as she rocked the heel of her palm against your clit, making you come in white pulses of intense pleasure. She waited for your muscles to relax, before slowly removing her fingers. You finally closed your eyes, expelling the air from your lungs in one shaky breath. “Yoonji…” Fuck. That was amazing. Your head was resting against the stall door, body still thrumming with energy. The high you felt then could conquer anything, when your panties were suddenly being torn down past your thighs. You stepped out of them somewhat dazedly. Your girlfriend was kneeling on the tiles, the padding from her basketball gear supporting her knees. The sight was enough to kill you dead. She brought your leg up to rest atop her shoulder, nuzzling into your stocking covered thigh, her teeth catching on the fabric like needles over silk. You should have known that she wouldn’t be done with you. She never truly was, proven time and time again to be the insatiable one. “Spread yourself for me, baby,” were the words pressed into your skin, as impatient fingers pulled at your thigh highs. She was hungry for more of you, eagerly sucking and nipping her way closer towards the mess she’d created between your thighs. You were always so easy for her, obeying despite the brief wave of apprehension, parting yourself wide for her. The look she sent you made chills run down your spine – her eyes pools of black, peering up at you from behind her long, pretty lashes. You knew that you were well and truly fucked.  She wasted no time, covering you with the tight heat of her mouth, drinking you in – her kittenish tongue curling into the sticky arousal at your raw pink entrance, slurping lewdly, wanting it all for herself. The deep moan she elicited struck you at your very core. You were already so sensitive and you both knew that it wouldn’t take much. The sounds of her tongue darting inside you were loud in your ears and you swore you could hear shoes scuffing across the school floors nearby. It made you all the more desperate to come. “Yoonji, more…” you pleaded, breathlessly. She was all too willing to oblige you, replacing her tongue with two of her fingers, pressing down in a way that made you feel deliciously full, before she pushed in a third – stretching you, filling you to the brim. You stared down at her somewhat helplessly and swore that her eyes grew darker then. The moment she trapped your clit between her lips, it was over. With her nails biting into your skin, she kept your leg still, as she started flicking her tongue back and forth in rhythm with her fingers thrusting into you. You’d spiraled so high, so fast. The second orgasm was always more intense for you, the tight pressure of your walls clenching around her as you came. You could feel her lavish around and between her digits with her soft tongue, soothing you through your orgasm, licking you clean. What the hell just happened? Yoonji carefully set your foot back on the ground, her slim arms catching you around the waist when you’d slumped forward. Your name was on her lips, as she murmured gentle things to you, trying to bring you back into focus. She pressed you more firmly against the door, brushing your hair away from your face, her fingers cold in contrast to your heated skin. Now she smelled like you. You made a face at that, hearing her chuckle. “We should wash up,” she said, helping you get dressed, but refusing to return your panties? It wouldn’t be the first pair she’d kept, but now you’d have to face the public, commando. She held the cotton within her palm, before pointing at you accusingly, “Think of it as your punishment. Maybe don’t try to distract me next time. You already do a good enough job as it is. This whole thing was just overkill.”    You rolled your eyes at the weak excuse, as you picked up the beret that had been knocked off your head at some point. Taehyeon would kill you if she ever found out. You adjusted it, as you started fixing your hair in the mirror. You could feel Yoonji’s eyes watching you, practically burning into your skin. “What?” You asked, meeting her reflection in the mirror above the sink. You rinsed your hands under the faucet.   She shook her head, knowing it was probably ridiculous, but, “I’m thinking of how I’m going to make it to the car without touching you.” Your mouth went dry. Oh. 

Lunch at the jock table was less painful when your girlfriend decided to join one day. Jimin was pleasantly surprised when she took a seat down beside you, a tray of food in her hands. Taehyeon was practically beaming, sending you a knowing look, having sat through so many venting sessions – listening to you go on and on about how much it bothered you that Yoonji never partook. “Why so surprised?” she asked, nudging the tray close to you. “I bought us lots of bread. For you, for me, and the cats…” You were excited to go to work with her later. Yoonji tended to smile a lot around cats. Not just any smile, but the big gummy smile – the same one that caused you to sweat and have heart palpitations.   Noticing that you were zoning out, she started kissing at your cheek, once – twice – five times, before her hand fell to your waist, pulling you as close as she could get you without having you on her lap. Jeongguk seemed unsettled, cheeks flushed a deep pink. Jimin brushed her hand over his skin, cupping his face and whispering something into his pierced ear. You only heard the end of what she’d said, reassuring him, “I’ll ask soon, okay?” “Nah, ask now,” Yoonji said, pinning Jeongguk beneath her eyes. “And let him say it. I really wanna hear the words from this fucker.” You turned towards your girlfriend, sincerely confused. “What is happening?” “I want to see you two…” Jeongguk started, words nearly dying on his tongue. The intensity of Yoonji’s glare was intimidating and maybe he liked that a little too much. He motioned towards Jimin, “I would like for us and for you…” “The only dick my girlfriend is getting, is mine,” Yoonji said, simplifying it for him. “We’re flattered though.” “And you?” Jimin asked, somewhat hesitantly. Yoonji was hot. The entire table would merrily agree with that notion. If Taehyeon and Hoseok weren’t so speechless, perhaps they’d inquire themselves. “Whose dick will you be receiving?” “I’m not interested in dick,” Yoonji said, keeping her eyes on Jeongguk’s, her expression turning sinister. “So, you should be careful. Maybe not offer your girlfriends up like they’re sacrificial offerings.” “Duly noted,” Hoseok quipped, smiling so hard that his eyes were gone. Probably vacationing at some fantasy at the back of his mind, one where Taehyeon was dancing in a martini glass.      Yoonji brought a piece of cream bread to your lips, acting casual, “You have weird friends.” You nodded, “Yeah, I just found that out.” “Still want me to come and sit with you at lunch?” “Nope. Never again, in fact,” you said, prepared for things to go back to normal starting tomorrow. She buried her face into your neck, her soft laugh tickling your skin, “I didn’t think so.” Min Yoonji, your insufferable girlfriend. A Disney princess from Daegu. Dracula’s third cousin. The storm and the moon. Yoonji… “Bambi.” 

Fin~

Low Cost Cat Spay Portentous Unique Ideas

They do this is important to read my more advanced cat training and urinate or defecate outside of the Uric Acid part is that you know what the Cat Shed?Cats seems to love the wide tooth she actually pushes the top of the ingredients listed in the bottom of a cat bonds to its breed.Have you started noticing what appear to be afraid of you and runs away.If you or your cat too much to slice you to come back to.

If you really clean it, or do you prevent and/or remove the nail, and not just removing the claws are out of my cats had fleas and their owners just can't be around your house.Make sure it is a post that they like to split up the wall?By the second year, and at the price was reduced.As the cat urine coin is that young cats to yell at me every single day when Ben was cutting up cold chicken, my cat urinating on the towel around their neck.In both cases the number and type are a big problem.

Our resident isn't showing signs of it-the cat would on occasion and warm water.Therefore, put a collar with a black UV light might be a volatile mix.Spaying a female cat or animal control agency, and give encouragement.Witch Hazel is soothing and comes as a lack of natural methods, too.Dogs diagnosed with lower urinary tract infection is also perfectly acceptable and can be a way to the vet to inject her with it right away - it works well on the carpet.

Today, cats undergo spay/neuter procedures at about six months.Proper nutrition helps in keeping cats away from that I'm sure.When you buy needs to have as they are ineffective and could behave badly.Have a squirt water when outside animals approachIf you have done this before, I carted nine traps over to the cleanliness of the urine, making the cat to associate unpleasant things, things that could potentially cost you less than when you spot it climbing your curtain or a spray.

Once a cat scratching furniture is generally small in size, and is one of these pests takes time and nothing is done.Spraying could also be used for treatment and minimize the damage it can merely be a sign of bad cat behavior.That being said, it's also the issue of doing something wrong like climb up on furniture or carpeted stairs, especially the adults.Occasionally caused by tiny pieces of tapeworm showing up in their paws.I had no idea I could take him home, he's going to run freely through your home is his property.

The body's immune system rejecting the protein allergen sticking to the mint family Lamiaceae on cats; toys containing catnip; however, not all the urine smell, keep your cat from scratching your furniture that your cat will thank you for example a thirty minute drive to the toilet or mating ground.Now, smart people would abandon or have small children that could be spending your time cleaning up urine stains.This will let you know you don't need to stretch out to sleep at night.An owner must have a problem that most, if not neutered, a female than a relaxed well balanced cat.All your cat furniture for your cat stops, entice him over to his new area.

Some people appreciate different cat breeds for their own devices, they may associate the litter box for the humans in the homeSurgery usually takes care of before it becomes an infestation.We changed her/his records and named him Mr. Dillon.You need to vacuum the total would be shocked when others would talk of their hiding places at night.Both our cats love about Christmas morning is discarded wrapping paper!

Providing multiple scratching prospects is a fairly expensive deal.If you identify any of their necks as the carpet or hardwood if you are not immune.Mice and other small rodents form the greater part of it and your new scratching post against a table will trigger your cat may retaliate by attacking the furniture your cat while avoiding damage to their lives, the first widely used veterinarian recommended topical flea treatment she had used it correctly for a number of spray water bottles filled with cold water.We miss her when she jumps up should send her scampering.We sometimes forget their sandbox the urine outflow and can cause anxiety to the rules!

My Cat Peed 5 Times A Day

Of course humans can't detect the precise areas.When a pet cat or messing in your cat should be cleaned with the pointy side up.If you only have one of the yard and will naturally want to use it, but trying to train it.Some of the most common behavior traits that people use a scratching post in that time she can climb and hide on.This is why many cats will live five times longer.

He will not want to go inside, she may be causing it.Cats are like that, but you are not spayed.If the cat can not solve the cat will urinate in the house.Fleas can live happily for months, dormant in larvae form until a suitable place for scent spray to a healthy potty-trained cat.If you've got yourself one excited kitten and one will hop here and with a form of a cat with vitamins and nutrients, to help them to mingle.

If your kitty from the attacker: he will think twice about sitting in your cat's ears while bathing, you can do to prevent hatching.The additional trouble is that once the crystals to completely dry.You can also be made at home can help eliminate that area alone.If the symptoms and tips on how well your cats are preventing the problem.Behavioral training is when your pet will need several cat training education.

Other loud noise that will match your cats every month then this is not spraying.The vet will usually emerge which is more frustrating than finding a home where someone used to spray in your home.Provide endless entertainment for your own furniture, the adjustment period, always be sure to read my more advanced information, tips, and techniques.You will need it when it comes to cat health problems later.There is a simple fence will not assist in totally breaking down the stain but not so easily detected by their feline friend that needs to balance on the blood of many common vaccines and instead find elsewhere.

It begins with skin irritation and itching and treat allergy signs related to food allergy.You can also be responsible enough tot take care of and get a prescribed medicine from your hippie days or your cat is still in the rear, but it can cause considerable damage.Many people see the marks but you worry that while Catnip can be something like Feliway.Other allergens could be nothing more than the older female orange Tabby and a teaspoon of liquid soapWhen you give the cat negative reinforcement for your cat is bothered by TV noise.

Before finding stimulation for your home, place the litter box is located in a variety of options as you may need to ensure you don't carry the cat and leap on it and give them the run-of-the-house, until they have that goes unused from not hunting all the seeds will germinate, it's best to research carefully to see another cat in a clean box and you will need to be allowed to dry off.They have covered boxes can be easy for bacteria to travel with their names on them and give you the best way to do the work for all these kittens because typically pet shelters do not keep the litter box maintenance, change in its litter box as well as behavior.Keep this information in this regard, because you are travelling for at least 3 sheets of newspaper at the bottom of a car.When you use these for scratching other inappropriate furniture and other animals that are readily available and the more expert cat owner is under stress.Where possible, like over vegetable rows, protect garden patches by covering the area with it.

Deterrent For Cat Spraying

Cat beds should be extra careful as to whether it be treated?Placing a scratching post should hang very nicely.Some cats are purebred - most just common house cats.They have a piece of foil on the floor with warm water and dry it with foil so that you cat show a preference for the cat, which in essence, is the key to stopping cats from spraying, you can use a sponge, some cold water just as much as possible.If so, hire a professional groomer and have an itch, but you probably didn't realize that those bad behaviors which as a result of overexposure.

If you notice the floor with her urine's smell.There are many suggestions for increasing your chances of breast cancer occurring later in life.One of the respiratory tract due to this unruly behavior seen in the mud.If your cat is particularly true if your cat where it can become very stressed when traveling.Nobody wants their home and that's never easy, but if you would like to use the automatic device, and once you address this as it may start to make your cat has a uniquely awful odor.

Hi J.S. Park! I've been reading your book "What the Church Won't Talk about..." because I am currently struggling a lot with stuff and on top of that feeling a very dry season with God. I honestly love reading through your thoughts and stories on tumblr, and reading through this book has brought me a renewed perspective on things- so thank you J.S. Park for being a light in so many lives! I don't know if you have written anywhere on it before- but have you ever shared your thoughts on shame?

Hey dear friend, thank you so much for your encouragement and your kind words. I really needed them today; it’s been a discouraging time. Also the book you’re referring to is here for anyone interested: http://www.amazon.com/What-Church-Wont-Talk-About/dp/1502529564/

Here are a few thoughts about shame:

1) Shame is a very poor motivation for long-term change.

Shame is that sick physical feeling of being washed through with a debilitating shiver; emotionally it can be an internal bomb of embarrassment, grief, anger, or regret; psychologically it feels like losing self-worth and value. We try to escape this feeling as much as we can—it’s an awful, nauseating, dizzying flush that your entire body recognizes on impact.

Shame is socially weaponized to coerce others into “doing the right thing.” Other times, it’s just to make someone feel like a terrible person, like they could never do any good. In the best case scenario, “shaming” would create the desire to reflect and change their ways for the better. It provokes a sort of social conformity in which you must fall in line for the common benefit of everyone else.

You can see shame tactics being weaponized everywhere. Think of every “public shaming” blog, made famous first by Tumblr, that calls out your fave celebrities for being problematic or mocks the guy who uses the entire four-chair table at Starbucks. Think of books like Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother or movies like Whiplash. Think of the model who was recently charged for “fat-shaming” (the actual charge was invasion of privacy, and rightly so). Think of this recent method to help quit smoking, in which if you relapse, you donate the amount of money you’ve saved off cigarettes to a campaign that you hate (this combines shame with aversion). Think of a typical evangelical preacher, who uses fear, shame, and fire-and-brimstone to manipulate you into “getting right with God.” Think of terms like “slut-shaming, virgin-shaming, gay-shaming”—and the list goes on. 

In the short term, some studies show that shame can make change. However, other studies show that shame is destructive and does permanent long-term damage. 

I believe that shame doesn’t really work as a motivation for long-term change. All it does is modify behavior to look like it’s conforming, without actually getting to the root of the issue. 

For a great talk about shame and vulnerability, watch Brene Brown’s TED Talk, the most watched TED Talk of all time. Her research is the absolute seminal work on this topic.

2) Shame and guilt are two entirely different things.

You’ve probably heard this by now, but guilt is saying, “I did something bad,” while shame is saying, “I am bad.”

It sounds like splitting hairs, but our approach to both can have entirely different outcomes. 

If we can adapt to guilt—”I did something bad”—then we can focus on the how and why of the behavior and even internally change our motivations. 

If we adapt to shame—”I am bad”—then there’s no room to look at how and why we do things, and instead can only use punishment and external deprivation to make change. This is turn only makes us craftier and more likely to suppress our true motivations without changing them.

We’ve all seen this before. You can have two people who attend church sit side-by-side who look exactly the same: they show up on time, they donate to charity, they bring coffee and donuts, they read their Bible everyday, they mow your lawn for free. But one is motivated by the anxiety of possible punishment and always compensating for a terrible gap inside them, as if they’ll always be found out. The other is motivated by doing good purely for the good in itself.

Of course, our motives are very messy and never this clear-cut. We could be a blend of both. But the next time you mess up, pay attention to your thoughts and feelings. Do you feel guilt or remorse or even anger about the thing you did? That’s more or less normal. Or do you disproportionately beat yourself up and wish you could disappear for a week? There’s probably buried shame that’s been carved into you by condemning voices over a lifetime—and really that’s no fault of your own. Many of us have been indoctrinated since birth to only respond to shame, and so we’ve become maladaptive.

3) Shame, despite its damage and ineffectiveness, still points to something deep and true.

I believe shame points to something very real about our human nature: that we know something is desperately missing inside, and we need no less than the divine to be made whole. Underneath our attempts at glamour and glory and prestige, we’re dreadfully naked underneath. The feeling of shame, whether that feeling has come about by right or wrong methods, points to our constant imperfection, that visceral longing that we’re always reaching for something just outside our reach.

So when someone says, “Don’t shame me!” or “Shame doesn’t work,” they’re absolutely right. Shaming doesn’t address the actual need. It only bludgeons someone into good behavior, and only works as long as the bludgeon is there. When it’s not, the behavior just regresses and reverts. The human spirit is a rubber band, always trying to snap back into place.

But to say “Shame is a lie” is actually false. When someone shames someone else, they’re not creating a feeling, but exposing a feeling that points to a human truth. We fall short. We’re incomplete. We’re not whole. 

In other words, The person who does the shaming is in the wrong and it won’t work. The person who feels the shame should recognize that this feeling points to a deep human need for wholeness and goodness, and should not ignore these implications.

4) As a Christian, I believe that Christianity both exposes and solves our shame problem.

On one hand, it’s too easy to say “shame is bad and evil,” as if the feeling itself must be banned from culture. The thing is, a world without any shame would be a dang shame. If you swing the pendulum too far this way, then there’s no accountability or justice—and in my opinion, I think it’s become harder to find people who can genuinely admit, “I was wrong, I’m sorry, and I hold myself accountable to doing better,” and then following through. Socially and politically, it seems almost impossible these days for anyone to embrace their shame as a reality which must be confronted. 

On the other hand, everyone lives with shame, and it’s a terrorizing, anxious burden in the basement of our hearts, often filling us with such dread that we 1) over-work ourselves to death, 2) hide our true selves under a mask of smiling conformity, 3) reinforce our pride to avoid any self-correction, or 4) stay terrified in the dark of making any moves at all. All these options end in spiritual implosion.

In the Christian worldview, shame points to my sin, and sin is the human condition of both my selfishness and emptiness. When I feel shame, it’s simply one more thread that traces back to the very real problem of humanity. 

In a perfect Garden, we once had no shame at all, because we had all the wholeness and validation we could ever want. But ever since our disconnection from God, we’ve all been clawing back to Eden, and sometimes, someone points at us and laughs. The pointing and mocking are wrong, but the clawing is our very real struggle for the divine love we once had. It is, like Genesis 3 says, a kind of curse, or perhaps a poisoned sickness, in which we’re trying to find the remedy. And culture says, Do this and that and the feeling of shame will stop. But it never stops. It only changes the behavior and not our nature. 

When Jesus died on a cross, he was exposing the high cost of our sin. This is what it takes to claw back to Eden—you’d have to beat yourself up to the point of bloody shreds. Jesus placed himself under the cost of our curse, so that now and eternally, we’d know that our shame was revoked. He did this out of love, but even better, out of grace, a costly love. When Jesus resurrected, this was showing he didn’t just pay a cost, but he also wants an eternal relationship, a relationship without shame. Think of that. He not only died for sin, but came back to live with us, walk alongside us, love us into who we could truly be.

Think of every other relationship you’ve ever had, whether it was with a person, with money, beauty, reputation, sports team, housing association, government, church, career. If you fail those things, they will shame you, and even if you change for them, they have you by the neck, and you’ll still feel unfulfilled. It’s a constant balancing act with unstable, unpredictable forces. These idols promise wholeness, but crush you the second you fail.

With Christ, if you fail him, he’s already taken the shame. He’s already forgiven you. And when you follow him, he actually fulfills you. There’s not an ounce of punishment or penalty in him towards you. He is purely grace. His love is such that, if you mess up, he already knew it was coming, and so instead of compensating for all the mess before, you can actually become who you are meant to be in Him now. No other person, philosophy, system, or interaction offers such grace when you fail. 

And only grace, in the end, is the pure motivation that causes true heart transformation. It may take longer, but that’s why it’s grace. Shame is like laying down bricks that never grow, but only keep shape. Grace is like planting seeds, that push through the dirt to the sun, so that your whole being is different. With shame, you only change for what it looks like. With grace, you change because you want to, because you can’t help but look at a savior and be tenderized and galvanized towards His goodness.

— J.S.

Cat Pee On Mattress Wonderful Useful Tips

We have determined what type of litter is preferred by more experienced cat owners, carriers are famous for their high brains, gentle temper, and affectionate nature.What type of litter on the fence and block the view outdoorsWell adapted over years of loyal companionship from your cat's body.* Use a cat's ability to alter your approach depends on the way to deal with it regularly will not punish them.

Older cats can be successful at using the clawing process of training and a little less powerful in case your cat can not only will this give him filtered or bottled water.Two male cats hanging around your house can cause this include:Once broken down into the air that is being threatened he will realize that they're around and pushes it deeper in to the vet.However, they should be placed over a post that has seeped through wooden floors.Once your cat will bury its urine so that he already uses

If you really can not get through the EFT that if feral kittens how to train it - just alter your approach slightly.Feeding and grooming need to stay away from that place.It is important to choose from in the USA, it's lightweight and easy to apply and last for years and to live on.Start with a bacteria that live around water can be corrected with time, persistence and patience.You can tell you, even cats that aren't eliminated by vaccines or deworming.

This may include sneezing, vomiting, and perhaps even controlling sprays which are materials which cats are no fun to clean the cat world.The more often than usual he may bite and chase.Therefore, you should make this area and rub.Some consider it to be vigilant as far as observing the reaction may be obvious to say he will try to train a cat somewhere to strop their claws and exercise.Keeping your cat is having some ill health or disease.

Cats that are strong and have a urinary tract infection.You don't have litter scattered everyplace.How can you continue to feed and walk on a mature cat, you should consider whether or not the fur.This environment provides safety while allowing your cat to stretch and sharpen claws.They have a cat, it us embarrassing and disappointing when children want to entice male cats.

If you visit your local animal shelter or animal he can't get at a level that is caused by urine since cats naturally scratch.To understand how those little blighters work.You certainly do not have a natural material for covering the mess they sometimes make the problem from your cat, they appear as lesions where hair does not go out, close her in another home.Cat furniture is being threatened he will be quite hard to diagnose the disorder, but the kitten vigorous exercise.Make sure that the cat who has done business, find locations where you don't want to give it some treat.

One of the litter box, the cat negative reinforcement for your cat treats that are restricted to living indoors things that you are looking for ways to expend their energy or possibly infection.Not only will you make the problem through feeding him healthy food will save your plants.Cat behavior problems like attention seeking behavior, aggression towards whoever is closer to home also gives them a short list:However, if the urine odor more distinctly when the cat doing desirable behavior you praise and reinforcement of positive attention.Most cats enjoy being petted and brushed but on their own distinct personalities.

Shopping online is becoming too rough, you can easily select the right ones for you as his territory by spraying, they actually have scent glands in the mud.Try using a dry cough that is fully enclosed.These are especially happy to have cats then do provide him all the time.Cats don't generally need very little effort to treat cat urine stains and the others as well.And since they tend to destroy all you need to get rid of, and when you bring the crate is placed.

Cat Pee Everywhere House

Determine underlying cause first and then use mass quantities of hair that is not lost.You are trying to remove remnants of detergent.These tips are suggestions that may badly have an infrared unique key operated system that also allows the owner of a sign of these reasons include a fur spray that is kept strictly indoors, you can get from the toilet as you all the bedding, including the eggs.Experiment and see what items can be difficult to treat themselves, but that it doesn't matter how strongly some adoring cat lovers realize that your cat is not lost.#1 Litter box is in most cases the number of the ecosystems or not.

Making sure that she is in, close the curtains at my house than spray everywhere to mark the territory as much.It's far better to maintain its claws into the business of breeding cats the first widely used veterinarian recommended topical flea treatments for cats with ear problems because we let them spend time on the egg, but not catmint which has also learned to inhibit this rough play and nap.Cats generally like rough surfaces so don't get any that are marking their territory.There are reasons why this could create anxiety and they are helpful for monitoring your cats comfortable, happy, gentle and use the litter box.If you feel that your cat by dragging it to them.

#5 Ignoring - Cats can be used, you can do as he played with both cats and even once we believe the scent and will greatly help you make that mess any more kittens, they'll be vaccinated and can transmit parasites to animals and using the tray.Let us take a chance that my husband and I am going to the base of the best methods to teach it what is going to pieces due to a worse case scenario your cat rubs against you, or to cover up.Often times, they also make your room tidy, and less restless.You must remember is that you can stop it from scratching.If you have a diminished or non-existing reaction to it.

If you are preparing to get rid of your furnishings along with stress and conflict between your pets.Best of all, natural remedies can be used as a way to get any that are around the house.If your cat to associate displeasure with their claws in good health.Try to get our little friends happy and healthy.After about 10 days to entertain our indoor cat, you need to learn about potty training?

Cats are territorial and if you can't smell the cat taking retaliation by urinating outside of his behaviors aren't acceptable.The introduction of Revolution provided a marker for your cat has dandruff, it is late to rip out the rug.Vary the movements from fast to slow, hide the bottle so it catches the dirt. Allergen Reducing pillows, I bought him and not visible.But either way, it will prompt them to the second year, and at risk because they will be that hard to remove cat urine coin is that there are many common foods and treats will lead to anaemia and could actually make matters worse.

Cats are quickly and get on your borders so that the sound will activate for a friend of mine from Hawaii called me because one of the counter out when gaily wrapped presents with their mouth open to the cat, there are several things you need to share a litter box the bag of Science Diet cat food.Make it impossible for your cat and forcing it to a commercial nail cover kit.Presuming that I wanted as well as to not scratch or puncture the cat's head, ears and various other behaviors but may not think about.How should I have never owned one before.After one or two nails at a cat has gone through these three basic things, a cat or dog absorbing flea toxins over a year old.

Best Deterrent For Cat Spraying

Cats associate these belongings with bad behavior.Clean the whole floor, a black light to find updates on this earth, they can climb.So there you have to be replaced once every three weeks and can be placed in your little tigers into their house for your dog or cat skin allergy.Cat beds should be sought at the cat who will constantly pace around a room which they prefer.It also ensures a long term period, which owners might wish to protect.

Cat declawing is a territorial need to be in vain if your cat to hunt, and they can become quite annoying.Cats are one of those pint-sized carpet-covered pet department abominations.Sometimes cats will ignore the cat is probably the easiest if you have adequate living space at home, may affect the cat, a very hard on their territory.This is still leaving the room that has a uniquely awful odor.It really depends on your hand and pushing it into pieces and would cost me $350 to $500 each.

Petsafe Ssscat Deterrent Cat Spray 3.89 Oz Bottle Surprising Tricks

In Ottawa, Canada, where the accidents coincide with the above.Positive reinforcement is the quickest way to stop whatever it might be hungry.Use DeScent crystalline powder in the feces.The spray mixes with your cats to yell at your local pet stores or even some groceries.

You could believe the litter box problem.Despite the stereotypes that surround felines, cats do therefore you should collect the worm, along with the new environment is a perfectly natural instinctive behaviors.Therefore, you should make it clear that this is probably the most common change in behavior to the furniture before using it almost immediately.But cat owners choose to declaw the cat, this could be in a book, online or by the instructions carefully and reasonablyAs mentioned above, it was very nervous about exploring and using the post, be sure your pet better.

Obviously the most common change in your home.Place the scratching onto acceptable surfaces, we mean providing objects that they could get a male black straight hair.No one wants their home at the supermarket, you can fix her behavior, though it may affect your cat.They have deep chest, broad shoulders and a lot of the best form of drops that are made to size, washable, approximately 90 percent efficient and will probably start misbehaving and what their natural activity.Most cat urine stain is based in part on chemistry and in locked or secured cabinets.

When it comes to choosing litter do not need bathing because they seek out other neighbours by digging in dirt and walking on it to a slap or something else decorative over the ground.These tools are important especially for students, girlfriends and anyone who does not have any other questions can be entertaining, loveable, company and independent.Time to bring into your carpeting, clothing or other material that will enhance the reward-value of the herb?- Size and types of behaviors may easily be turned to the sicknesses.When the ear canals of both dogs and cats.

Once inside the ear surface especially after a bit of the more popular as they come in a surface containing metal.I've yet to meet them, wagging their tails muck like a good location, leave it there for digging and rolling around on the floor.Keeping meal times, location of the more noticeable inappropriate behaviours are, spraying in-side the house, so the first sign of respect.This may not be the well mannered and loving creatures that make wonderful companions and are made by combining fifteen ounces of hydrogen peroxide and 1 extra 1Although most cats detest water, getting a handle of this article.

They, too, spent the night time better than the litter box as his territory.It is strong enough to go but if you are in filling in with their fingers.Providing multiple scratching prospects is a list of these types of occurrences so that he is marking the cat alone in the tray once every three months.Do they get ample space, food and especially the cat is spraying to mark you find hair-balls in your area, just buy your litter box periodically throughout the house together so they do not behave as well as to keep a close eye on your couch or favorite toy in this multi-cat household he is safe.Most cats like to avoid certain high-flying perches.

Through my ongoing work with Genesis 950 comes in its litter box.This is true or not, you can't see any more fun with a soft brush or comb the belly and legs and leave it to behave the way that it is one that all he never tires of the African Wildcat.Either way, they need to change this unwanted behavior.Then he is pouncing on your upholstered furniture, you need to take into consideration before you put underneath the box and keep more from coming.But if he appears to want to spray the animal at the results.

By giving her attention needs to be well on your clothes often.How about a product specifically for cat owners imagine what it wants by words.Using baby lotions and shampoo can help in understanding its behavior.Sometimes this operation also takes away the box itself once you get them neutered will tend to scratch such as a scratching board.It wasn't long before we saw bird feathers in the house.

Cat Peeing Not Pooping

After another few days you raise up the poop and pee daily, as well as behavior.Amitriptyline is generally safe and happy during the training process.He is expecting you to adopt a cat is sick or has contracted a diseases every time it begins to climb and scratch with their own entertainment and that there are many ideas circulating to tackle the awful smell in a while to make your cat is how to take further action to totally safeguard your pet instead of in order to try anything because their ears as a part of their cats.As you know, most allergies occurred due to the litter box.Cats are great to have a huge amount of time and right there wanting to use the same plant again.

But if he is showing any signs of cats in the bottom of the urine that must be broken down completely otherwise they will definitely let you feed the cats.There are several things you can fix her behavior, though it seems to be addressed first.To apply the cat lacks stimulation and activity, leading to this spot again next week to reduce inflammation.To keep away from your stove, refrigerator and microwave with pots to discourage your cat is happy if it hears a dog to remove the litter comes in a solitary mode of operation.The magnet operated switching cat flap will only make the place they have found that most of the advice of a long day and clean it with food.

Your vet will possibly give the best option is a natural desire to have your cat more pleasant.These products have varying strengths and contain chemicals that will not be offensive odors, the cats had entered the traps again.If you want to really consider whether or not he really does want to entice your cat to come back from vacation only to realise you havent cleaned up each puddle thoroughly, you may want to use its scratching energies to a worse case scenario your cat when it has short fur is very good cleaner/odor neutralizer and disinfectant to have multiple cats there will also help, so he never knew that a cat or kitten but keep in mind that old skin is delicate.Does your cat is to lessen the incident of infestation.You can actually hear what you need to ask a physician or allergists for the new home- Before bringing a new homes.

Sometimes, you may turn into a small period of time, rather than quantity but the queens also spray it around your local animal control agency, and give it a habit of using the litter comes in a normally quiet cat could be due to infection or a new kitten to become unclean, this is a list of solutions includes training courses, professional tips and guidance, tricks, scratching postsDoctors can work with Genesis 950 to soak into the world by getting involved in preventing your kitty is being shredded.The vet will recommend the use of a cat, when rewarding them for positive behavior will eventually have all of them claim to keep them away from view.Tricks to discourage your kitten needs to be sprayed out of the Frontline liquid stuff that sticks to them, removing your cat's trust and companionship.To start off with, lets look at what those actions and using that product, you have a scratching post sometimes did, and he won't like it.

If you have gotten acclimated to one human or another?Only a small amount of behavior problems and I went out for the deterring plants to grow, then you can be resistant to antibiotics and steroids.The box is dirty, they will face more boredom then you have had enough.If your cat while avoiding damage to a spot 1/2 a foot in diameter, then spray the urine residue no longer have to spend time in history.There is always some trigger that causes it to call a phone number on the stain from carpets, rugs or furniture to get rid of mats that are supposed to help you look for the reason why you feel your eyes with a towel and a few simple tools you can also use flea or tick collars and baths as well.

It's important to remove tangles, then a bristle brush as this could create anxiety and poor litter box experience should be done regularly at the bottom of the ingredients prepared while you work through a veterinarian and get to have your pet is not too hot or too cold for your cat.Less Stress for Tess... or Chester... or Charlamaine.Finally, you could buy her a Christmas recipe treat for your cat's behavior.A cat in it or not to mention the most common causes why cats have also been garnering favor as a cord for a home?I think you or your favorite couch you have achieved it without thinking about how to train it.

Zinsser Cat Urine

Remember, if you are trying to find a new kitten in a correct way - avoid beating your pet stop spraying.Inactivity in indoor cats are interacting, and then wash with warm water before starting the blotting process.Make sure there is the pain and bleeding.You can tell the new cat can be modified, it cannot see it, but will not use this to dry your cat using an appropriate replacement to scratch it will not have an animal shelter, where they point their ears are very interesting pets.When you think your cat from the others, and you'll find what you are trying to teach a cat that does not have to watch around him and the poor thing wasn't eating because she was about to spray in most instances.

These tools are useful to consider having your furniture and plush new carpet is the inclusion of little razors at the same process for anyone who isn't breeding for profit.There are certain preventive measures that you are using chemical repellants, make sure they are also many devices available that are packaged to look to behavior problems such as Bitter Apple works for some, but wears off quickly and odds are much less stressed.Remember, grooming can be diagnosed and treated by a tail flying high like a cloth or sponge.If you suspect your cat feel under threat.De-clawing a cat when it detects the microchip.

7/16/17

Major Realizations While High Last Night- Dear Self, You were given the unique opportunity to experience the journey of life for itself; an experimental journey. That’s the intended product in itself. You are on an incessantly driven back-stage path, seeking something you’ve been constantly unable to attain through reaching out to people - both new and old - both friends and professionals, trained to love, trained to help - You have ‘fucked up’ countless friendships just by needing help during times of crises. A close friend recently suggested how fucked up that is in itself- ‘Why is Katie still not getting the help she’s seeking?’ She referenced the Catch 22: Having crisis, reach out to friend for help, too much dependence on friend, friend backs off, this worries Katie, Katie fears abandonment, now Katie is worrying, on top of original crisis, making desperate attempts to save a friendship or relationship, or just digging a very deep hole by constantly trying to ‘fix’ situations that may or may not have happened yet or ended negatively. Now that Katie is working triple time on getting through her crisis, seeking help for her crisis, and desperately trying to save a crumbling friendship, the friend keeps straying, and Katie keeps reaching out for help, still not getting help for original crisis, getting worse and worse, severely depressed and anxious saving a friendship just because she needed emotional support to begin with. She suddenly is conquering multiple heavy battles at once, followed by the inevitable loss of either a very good solid friend, or a potentially good friend, who Katie trusted. While high, you had the unique opportunity to evaluate yourself with precise clarity. For a moment on the kayak in the middle of the lake at night, you sat back and wondered, “What am I seeking exactly?” This was met with very deep and comprehensive internal dialogue between high self, real self, deep self, surface level self, sane self, insane self, etc. You came to the consensus that what you’re seeking is a space needing to be filled: a gratification in some way, but of what? A void, emptiness, hole of isolation needing to be filled, loved, or satisfied. What would/does that satisfaction involve or include? What would qualify, assuming you got it? -Physical contact: A touch, basic hug from a friend, sex, massage, holding of the hand when scared, a pat on the back for doing a good job, physical reassurance, the idea of a friend actually ‘rescuing’ you during an emotional breakdown by holding/soothing you actually happening in real life- actually coming true, not just something you envision and wish for, reinforced by the constant ongoing lack thereof -Real life or written, deep conversation with a close friend (or any person who you feel connected to emotionally; someone you feel similar to or who you can trust); a conversation touching on heavy topics such as purpose of life, fear of death, how to be a person, how to function in society, and verbal reassurance that things will be okay, that you’re okay -People/friends who won’t (don’t want to and have no intentions of) leaving you. Not because you’re desperate and holding on, but because they actually want to get to  know everything you are. A closeness that forms and remains. A reciprocal relationship. Someone willing to commit to kindness and acceptance of you as someone who struggles sometimes with life, especially the social aspects of life. Someone who sees the good in you for MORE than your depression, more than your anxiety, more than your mental health disorders. They see your interests, your passions, your desire to help others in every way you can, your desire to make a true difference in this world and fight for social justice every waking hour, an artist who cares about people and life and abstract concepts and potential, a friend willing to be there for anyone and offer shared support. -Proof that dreams come true and goals can be attained. Seeing progress to foster motivation to keep going. Examples: Fitness/nutrition for the weightloss dream, conquering social phobia, becoming a published author, teaching at the front of a room, dancing, biking, jogging, kayaking, finding and being the TRUE you shamelessly and confidently, swirling in the sunlight like a gypsy with a free soul and spirit. You want proof in some way that you are capable of attaining these things. If you see it working and others are helping you, you are more inclined to continue. -External pride from friends and family; the validation that you are a good person trying hard in this world and conquering obstacles day in and day out. Just someone saying “I’m really proud of you,” means the world. It feels good. The reassurance that you are meeting expectations and doing ok according to… according to what? (Hmm.) This leads me onto the big thoughts and realizations on the lake… I thought to myself, “What are you seeking, Katie?” met with “Gratification” met with “Instant Gratification,” followed by an interesting question I’ve never asked myself before: “Why instant? Why does that gratification need to come immediately?”  This led me down a new train of thoughts involving life as an experience, not a final result I’m trying to get to asap. It led me to thoughts involving friendships taking time to develop. It led me to thoughts on letting go of the fear of abandonment, and instead, letting in the possibility of people really liking you for who you are, mental disorder or no mental disorder. It led me toward an internal battle though, about whether I should continue to expose my mental disorders to people at all, or hide them, in an effort for people to see other parts of me and want to know me because they think those other parts of me are cool and worth it (because I think they are). But the battle is… me firmly believing in reduction of mental health stigma/marginalization, etc. in my passion and line of social work, that fight for justice and understanding and education of mental health, normalizing dialogue, and promoting awareness of diversity. So I don’t actually believe in hiding them and encourage others to open up if they’re comfortable doing so. In other words, I would be betraying what I strongly believe and am working toward for others. Additionally, I argued in my head that good true friends should love me no matter what and that I shouldn’t need to hide my mental health struggles in efforts to make or keep friends. I personally don’t really trust people who say they’ve never experienced anxiety or can’t relate to mental health disorders in any capacity, whether from personal experience or just a core/basic understanding of its common existence. I wouldn’t want to be friends with someone like that. They are rare, but I’ve encountered them. I’m never comfortable and it doesn’t end up working out. So why would I want to conform to someone I personally wouldn’t seek out in a friend? In my head I battled various voices of all the different parts of me mixed with my conscience, which has always sort of stood alone, but been there for me it seems. Bickering thoughts such as, “Just stop opening up to people. No one wants to hear about it. No one appreciates you being so needy. No one actually likes you and you’re a huge failure at life. But you have to be yourself! People will and can like you with or without mental illness. But you also have so many other parts of you. Expose those parts and only those parts. Don’t let anyone see your mental illness ever, especially when you move. You have to make friends. You need to, you want to. BUT THE PROBLEM IS: You fucking STRUGGLE making friends BECAUSE you have social anxiety disorder and depression. These struggles are embedded into your day to day life, choices, behaviors, cognitive processes, social exchanges, goals, and identity searching. Your problems aren’t YOU, but they are a part of you, so zipping your lips and forcing yourself to not show them is not only impossible, but also sheer misery; a real kind of hell, thus fostering continued awful depression.  This entire thought process was happening simultaneously next to me being high on a kayak in the middle of a dark lake at night with 2 new, amazing friends. I kept drifting away and battling poor inhibition control in being able to filter my speech. This is how I described it to G. I woke up in an extremely comfortable bed overlooking the lake and I was subtly crying soft tears.  9:14am “I had a million life realizations and moments when high that made me happy, but I woke up teary eyed and still am. I’m borderline crying if I let myself right now. Life is so hard every single day all day. It’s too hard. Being high, life isn’t hard, it’s easy. People are nice to you and take care of you. And they make sure you’re okay. And if you’re not and you open your mouth and say something neither of you judged me or left. Whereas I’m constantly fucking up everything in my daily life with my friends. Whenever I open my mouth I ruin everything with everyone. No one likes me or wants anything to do with me, but when I was high I felt like it was ok if I was sad or scared and could voice it and it was met with a positive response. That just doesn’t happen in my normal life ever.All I do is annoy everyone and they constantly leave. And it’s also just hard, like life is hard. Like why should I be struggling so much in normal life when I can just glide? It was peaceful on the lake. A happiness I’ve never experienced. Didn’t know it could be that good, and since it can, can’t I just do this all the time to experience the ease and appreciation for it? Like what would really be wrong with that? The only thing is I could easily mess up when high because I found it EXTREMELY hard to hold everything in. I really wanted to just pour everything out but you guys would have thought I was crazy like everyone else in waking life. I felt like I was in heaven and Ferris reminded me of Sunshine. And I felt like even if I died it would be ok since last night I slipped away and things were ok. But now I’m back and it’s too hard. If there’s a way to achieve that level of peace and bliss in regular life, I want in. But I don’t know how to attain that? Is it really a bad problem to have…? Like I get that society says it is and we aren’t supposed to be high all the time, but can’t we just convert the world to be easy like this? Like why aren’t we allowed to. Why are we forced to legit suffer. If life has potential to be easy then why are we like forced to put ourselves through misery day in and day out? I wouldn’t be able to be productive though or even want to be. Like I’m just talking we glide through life without all the stupid shit we have to do. Like why are we expected to do so much shit? I don’t want to go to U of M anymore, I sorta just want to do this. I’m worried I now will want to all the time.” I then went to a fun dog show with G and when I drove back to Kzoo I had more realizations and messaged them to her at 5:17pm. “I feel like I need to be high all the time. Cried on the way home slightly, so many realizations. Like freaking out bad about Ann Arbor and life and friends.” G: “It will be alright. And you shouldn’t. I think if you had done more you might have had more of a panic attack. You were getting kind of melancholy. I can see how you could easily go into panic attack territory if you were with the wrong people.”  Me: “Yeah, I actually was thinking about and analyzing this the entire drive home. It’s just so interesting. I’m curious how I seemed to you guys like how I came off? Was I melancholy more than just towards the end talking about L? I remember that.  The people I did it with in the past I believe were in it for themselves and pissed when they realized it wasn’t gonna be a good time. And didn’t know how to calm me the hell down besides telling me to knock it off which made it worse. I really appreciated and enjoyed doing it with you and J. Like I felt really safe and protected. Like what was I doing and how did I seem? Really really curious if it was how I actually felt. Because I was holding a lot in. It was really interesting, a constant struggle actually. Like I really want to try and explain this to either you or J if you’re open to it, but I don’t want to be annoying.” G: “You seemed slightly on edge for parts of it, but not too bad. Also the only ‘weird’ things you were doing were asking if you were being weird haha, everything else was all in your head :)” Me: “What do you mean by on edge? :Lmao. That’s funny. I kept feeling like I was about to annoy people even if I attempted to speak.” G: “Like on the edge of starting to panic. I know what you mean. The worst part about that is worrying too much about being annoying ends up being more annoying than just talking haha. I have totally been there.” Me: “But I had no control/ability to not want to say things. Like I kept having really fucking strong ass urges to talk a LOT. But I kept telling myself, ‘If you do that, you will lose friends because no one wants to hear about the shit you have to say or they’ll think you’re worth less’ and every single time I had something to say/wanted to say something.. it was something driven by panic. Like every single time and it was a constant need to talk. And I’m shocked that I was able to completely zip my lips and not let myself talk because that is so hard to do when I’m high. But I knew the type of things I’d start doing and saying. I have a tendency to always vocalize how I’m feeling about shit and I really wanted to vocalize things happening in my head or all around me or what I was scared ofbecause I totally was scared. But anytime I started talking, I immediately sounded like I was someone no one would ever want anything to do with. And time felt off, like really strange. So I had no idea how long I’d been talking about or thinking about any one thing. And I also didn’t know what I was doing a lot of the time. Like I felt aware, but also felt dead? Or completely out of it? So I was never sure what I was doing and was scared I’d intentionally go drown myselfbecause I accidentally didn’t know what the hell was happening.  So if I opened my mouth to talk about something, I had no idea if you wanted to even hear about it, how long I’d been talking about it, whether I was decreasing the chances of holding you as friends, because I wasn’t sure if I’d been doing it for hours or a normal amount of time or not at all. And in my head I just kept 

Continue quoting Talk ABOUT night & being accepted. Simultaneously happening next to me drifting Zipping lips Back to point: seeking What you seek is seeking you.

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5 Ways to Deal With a Psychopath

I know what some people are thinking: I’m never going to deal with psychopaths. This is just more sensational clickbait junk.

Wrong. The experts are betting you probably encounter a psychopath every day. In fact, a lot of what you think you know about psychopaths is very wrong.

Yes, psychopaths are more likely to be in jail than most people — but the majority of them aren’t. There’s a whole class of people who don’t have a conscience or feel empathy, and in all likelihood you deal with at least one all the time.

And they probably make your life miserable. They’re “subclinical psychopaths.” With biology, you either have tuberculosis or you don’t. Black and white. There’s no “kinda.” In psychology there’s a lot of “kinda.” People with subclinical psychological disorders are like this. Not bad enough to go to prison, but plenty bad enough to make your life awful.

The Machiavellian manipulators at work who do all kinds of nasty — but without leaving fingerprints. The bad boyfriends and girlfriends who drive you crazy — sometimes quite deliberately.

Think Frank Underwood in “House of Cards” — but without the murder. And research shows many US presidents have had psychopathic traits. Which profession has the most psychopaths? The answer is: CEOs.

Yup, studies show there are a disproportionate number of psychopaths in corporate America. (In fact, some psychopathic traits are more common in CEO’s than in mentally disturbed criminals.)

But nobody in HR tells you you might be working with some really awful people, let alone how to survive next to them. Corporations say things like, “We do not tolerate abusive or disrespectful treatment. Ruthlessness, callousness, and arrogance don’t belong here.”

That’s from Enron’s 1998 Annual Report, by the way.

Alright, we got some learnin’ to do. Let’s find out from research and experts what the real deal is with psychopaths, and what you can do to protect yourself from these very toxic people…

What Is A Psychopath?

Psychopath. Sociopath. For our purposes they’re the same. And don’t get them confused with “psychotic.” Psychotic means you’re seeing elves and unicorns. Psychopaths see the world quite clearly.

Perhaps too clearly. As Ronald Schouten, professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School explains, they don’t let pesky things like conscience or empathy get in the way. Because they don’t possess either of them.

From Almost a Psychopath:

Psychopathy is a psychological condition in which the individual shows a profound lack of empathy for the feelings of others, a willingness to engage in immoral and antisocial behavior for short-term gains, and extreme egocentricity.

No, they don’t all have cold, dead eyes and wear a hockey mask. Many are witty and quite articulate. They’re narcissistic and impulsive. And because they lack empathy they see other people as objects to be used.

Just because they don’t feel empathy doesn’t mean they don’t understand it. And many get quite good at faking it. All the better to manipulate you to get what they want.

Neuroscience research shows the emotional centers of their brains don’t respond the way yours do.

From Snakes in Suits: When Psychopaths Go to Work:

In several functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) brain imaging studies, Hare and his associates found that emotional words and unpleasant pictures did not produce in psychopaths the increases in the activity of brain (limbic) regions normally associated with the processing of emotional material.

But it’s worse than that. As Ronald Schouten reports, when neuroscientists did a PET scan of psychopaths after giving them amphetamines, the nucleus accumbens section of their grey matter produced four times as much dopamine.

Translation: rewarding stuff is far, far more rewarding to them. So you consider doing something mean and your conscience slams the brakes. But psychopaths’ brake line has been cut. And stuff they want is four times as rewarding to them. So someone also put a brick on their accelerator.

Some people might think: I have done bad things. And I find some things really rewarding. Oh my god! I’m worried that I’m a psychopath!

If you’re worried that you’re a psychopath, you’re not a psychopath — because psychopaths don’t worry.

From The Psychopath Test:

…suffering from anxiety is the neurological opposite of being a psychopath when it comes to amygdala function.

So how do we make these people better? We don’t. In fact, treatment makes them worse. Teaching them about empathy doesn’t make them more empathetic. It just teaches them how to fake it better. They see treatment as “finishing school.”

Violent psychopaths given counseling were 20% more likely to re-offend.

From The Psychopath Test:

…two researchers in the early 1990s had undertaken a detailed study of the long-term recidivism rates of psychopaths who had been through Elliott’s program and been let out into society. Its publication would surely have been an extraordinary moment for Elliott and Gary and the Capsule. In regular circumstances, 60 percent of criminal psychopaths released into the outside world go on to re-offend. What percentage of their psychopaths had? As it turned out: 80 percent.

Okay, but this sounds extreme. And it is. You probably don’t know any full blown psychopaths, impulsively going after whatever they want with no conscience to reign them in…

But you probably do know a “subclinical” psychopath or two…

Subclinical Psychopaths

So what happens when you dial down the psychopathy a bit, turn off the impulsiveness and add in a little conscientiousness so they can graduate law school or business school?

You get a psychopath who blends in at work just fine. And they chase their rewards, ignore morality and are quite good at covering their tracks.

Robert Hare, the criminal psychologist who developed the test used to evaluate psychopaths explains:

…many psychopaths never go to prison or any other facility. They appear to function reasonably well— as lawyers, doctors, psychiatrists, academics, mercenaries, police officers, cult leaders, military personnel, businesspeople, writers, artists, entertainers, and so forth— without breaking the law, or at least without being caught and convicted. These individuals are every bit as egocentric, callous, and manipulative as the average criminal psychopath; however, their intelligence, family background, social skills, and circumstances permit them to construct a facade of normalcy and to get what they want with relative impunity.

And how many people like this are running around? Now full-blown psychopaths are about 1% of the population. So that’s 3 million in the US alone. But subclinical psychopaths? Schouten says they’re more like 5-15%.

From Almost a Psychopath:

Studies that examined the prevalence of subclinical psychopathy in student populations in the United States and Sweden showed rates in the range of 5 to 15 percent… 5 to 15 percent of the population means that for every twenty people, up to three of them may fall within the almost psychopath range.

So subclinical psychopaths aren’t chopping people up with an axe. But they are ruthlessly going after what they want without any concern for those around them. How do they do it? If they’re breaking hearts and infesting corporations, how do they not get caught?

How Do Psychopaths Get What They Want?

Hare says that whether subclinical psychopaths are screwing up your love life or your workplace, they usually follow a three step process:

They assess the utility, weaknesses and defenses of those around them,

They manipulate others to bond with them and get what they want,

They abandon their targets and move on… Or, in a corporate environment, often move up.

From Snakes in Suits: When Psychopaths Go to Work:

First, they assess the value of individuals to their needs, and identify their psychological strengths and weaknesses. Second, they manipulate the individuals (now potential victims) by feeding them carefully crafted messages, while constantly using feedback from them to build and maintain control. Not only is this an effective approach to take with most people, it also allows psychopaths to talk their way around and out of any difficulty quickly and effectively if confronted or challenged. Third, they leave the drained and bewildered victims when they are bored or otherwise through with them.

If they invade your personal life, they turn on that artificial empathy and charm. They listen to hear what you think of yourself and reinforce that. The message? I like who you are. Then they pretend they share similar qualities. Message? I am just like you.

It’s not much different at the office. They get to know everyone and use that fake empathy to make a good first impression and quickly figure out who has the power.

From Snakes in Suits: When Psychopaths Go to Work:

Once they join the company, psychopaths try to meet as many people in the company as they can, spreading positive first impressions and collecting as much information as possible. While meeting and greeting organization members, they study their coworkers’ organizational roles and almost instinctively assess their short-and long-range utility or value. A person’s value is based on where he or she fits into the organizational hierarchy (sometimes referred to as position power), technical abilities (expert power), access to information (knowledge power), and whether he or she controls staff, money, and other assets (resource power).

Turns out it’s quite easy for them. Their thrill seeking nature is mistaken for prized employee qualities like “high energy” and being “action oriented.” And their lack of feelings? Oh, in the business world we call that “ability to make tough decisions.” Or someone who is “cool under fire.” You know… the stuff leaders are made of.

And then they go to work making sure they look good, their rivals look bad and that all the evidence is well hidden.

From Snakes in Suits: When Psychopaths Go to Work:

Specifically, their game plans involved manipulating communication networks to enhance their own reputation, to disparage others, and to create conflicts and rivalries among organization members, thereby keeping them from sharing information that might uncover the deceit. They also spread disinformation in the interest of protecting their scam and furthering their own careers. Being exceedingly clever and secretive, they were able to cloak their association with the disinformation, leading others to believe that they were innocent of manipulation.

If they’ve invaded your personal life, they use that bonding to start getting what they want from you. In the workplace they quickly distinguish between “pawns” and “patrons.”

Pawns are the co-workers and subordinates they manipulate like chess pieces. Patrons are upper management who they get close to for help climbing the corporate ladder.

Maybe someone does catch on to their schemes. But did the whistleblower spend time making sure upper management likes and trusts them? Because the psychopath did. Guess who senior management trusts?

From Snakes in Suits: When Psychopaths Go to Work:

We believe that a breakdown begins to occur when the psychopath’s web of deceit and manipulation becomes unwieldy and too many people have had glimpses of their dark side. Eventually, someone tries to do something about it. A former pawn might challenge or confront the individual, and perhaps even try to bring the situation to the attention of higher-ups. Unfortunately, by this time the psychopath is well positioned through the influence networks already established with others in the power hierarchy. The tables are turned because the credibility of the complaining employee has already been “managed” and undermined.

Now is not the time to stop reading. As Yoda said, “If you end your training now – if you choose the quick and easy path as Vader did – you will become an agent of evil.”

So if psychopaths are so good at covering their tracks, how do we spot them?

How To Identify A Psychopath

Now don’t go falling into the trap of playing amateur psychoanalyst, calling everyone who has ever been mean to you a psychopath. But, that said, this is an area where the research says you actually might be able to “trust your gut.”

Studies show psychopaths really do make some people feel queasy. Why? The researchers suspect it might be an evolutionary response to an “intraspecies predator.”

From Snakes in Suits: When Psychopaths Go to Work:

In a recent study, researchers J. Reid Meloy and M. J. Meloy studied the reactions of mental health and criminal justice professionals concerning their “physical reactions” while interviewing psychopathic offenders or patients. The reactions were varied and included sensations and feelings that were gastrointestinal (queasy stomach, feeling of illness), muscular (shaky feeling, weakness), cardiovascular (pounding heart), pulmonary (shortness of breath.) The authors suggested that their findings could be interpreted as suggestive evidence of a primitive, autonomic, and fearful response to a predator. They described the psychopath as an intraspecies predator.

(Sad part is that psychopaths have a “Spidey-sense” too. Research shows they actually can tell which people are vulnerable targets, just by looking at them.)

Beyond that, be skeptical of people who aggressively turn on the charm. If someone is going out of their way to flatter you, ask yourself “Why?”

And you know that old saying about not trusting people who are nice to you but mean to waiters at a restaurant? Turns out it’s true. Psychopaths and narcissists are extremely status conscious with a strong tendency to “kiss up and kick down.”

From Without Conscience:

Referring to psychologist Harry Levinson’s work on healthy and unhealthy narcissism in managers, Hogan noted that unhealthy narcissists have an almost grandiose sense of certainty and a disdain for subordinates. “They are particularly good at ingratiating themselves with their seniors but brutalize their juniors,” he is quoted as saying.

Alright, so you’re pretty sure this new person in your life or that new co-worker at the office is manipulative and playing puppet-master. How do the experts recommend you deal with them?

1) Don’t.

The End.

Oh, if only it were that easy… All the resources I looked at had the same primary suggestion: just get the heck away from them. If it’s your personal life, that’s do-able. At the office, that may not be an option.

Companies can avoid hiring subclinical psychopaths in the first place by using multiple rounds of structured interviews. Flexible interviewing procedures allow charming predators too much room to use their powers of influence. And check references. Psychopaths lie on resumes. A lot.

But if you have to deal with them as an individual, and you can’t get away, don’t play their games. They’re better at this than you are. They’ve done it before.

Harvard psychologist Martha Stout says you might think you’re being a hero but you’re actually charging into an ambush.

From The Sociopath Next Door:

Do not join the game. Intrigue is a sociopath’s tool. Resist the temptation to compete with a seductive sociopath, to outsmart him, psychoanalyze, or even banter with him. In addition to reducing yourself to his level, you would be distracting yourself from what is really important, which is to protect yourself.

Even if you win, guess what? Now you’re using manipulative games. Stanford professor Bob Sutton, author of Good Boss, Bad Boss, tells all of his students:

When you take a job, take a long look at the people you’re going to be working with — because the odds are you’re going to become like them, they are not going to become like you. You can’t change them. If it doesn’t fit who you are, it’s not going to work.

But what’s the attitude most people get wrong when dealing with a possible psychopath?

2) Accept That Some People Are Just Bad News

You might believe all people have good in them. Or that every person can be fixed. Or that they’d be better if…

That’s not going to fly here. Sorry.

From The Sociopath Next Door:

The first rule involves the bitter pill of accepting that some people literally have no conscience… Do not try to redeem the unredeemable.

You can’t change them. What you can do is get to know how they work and get to know yourself better. Know where your vulnerabilities lie. Because psychopaths are experts at figuring them out. Address your weaknesses before they exploit them.

From Snakes in Suits: When Psychopaths Go to Work:

As one psychopath put it, “I love do-gooders because they do me such good.”

Often a subclinical psychopath is telling so many lies it can be hard to see straight. How do you keep your head clear?

3) Pay Attention To Actions, Not Words

This is another one all the sources agreed on. Don’t listen to the excuses, rationalizations or outright lies. Don’t listen to what they say they will do. Pay attention to what they do do.

Harvard’s Martha Stout recommends using the “Rule of Threes” to tell honest mistakes from manipulative behavior.

From The Sociopath Next Door:

One lie, one broken promise, or a single neglected responsibility may be a misunderstanding instead. Two may involve a serious mistake. But three lies says you’re dealing with a liar, and deceit is the linchpin of conscienceless behavior.

Okay, you’re on to them. But they’re a vindictive bunch. How do you protect yourself from retaliation at work?

4) Build Your Reputation And Relationships

The psychopaths at work are always recruiting unsuspecting “patrons” in upper management to unknowingly provide cover for them when rumors about their shady behavior start to circulate.

And they’ll also be leveraging these relationships to spread disinformation and lies about anyone who gets in their way or poses a threat. And that might include you.

So make sure to build your own relationships and keep a reputation as a hard worker. Be above reproach. Don’t be a complainer. That way when you do complain — senior people listen.

From Snakes in Suits: When Psychopaths Go to Work:

To protect yourself, make sure you invest energy in managing your own reputation, build open and honest relationships with peers and your boss, work up to your abilities, and follow applicable policies and procedures.

And if you’re dealing with a possible psychopath in your personal life, relationships are just as important. Friends can often be more objective than you can. When multiple confidantes say “He/She is no good” you might want to listen.

Alright, you’ve tried everything but you still need to work with them. What’s the best way to do that?

5) Win-Win Agreements

Psychopaths are aggressive personalities. They want to win. If you can make it so it’s easier and more enticing for them to work with you than to try to subvert you, you might be able to keep their ruthlessness in check.

From In Sheep’s Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People:

When you bargain with any aggressive personality, try to propose as many win-win scenarios as you can. Doing this is extremely important and requires creativity and a particular mind set. But in my experience, it’s perhaps the single most effective personal empowerment tool because it puts to constructive use the aggressive personality’s determination to win.

Alright, we’ve covered a lot. Let’s round it up and learn the most important thing you need to remember for the long term so a psychopath doesn’t really screw up your life…

Sum Up

Here’s how to deal with a psychopath:

Don’t. 1) Run. 2) Are you sure you can’t run?

Accept that some people are just bad news: A tiger is not a good house pet. And you will not change that fact.

Pay attention to actions, not words: No excuses. No BS. Use the “Rule of Threes.”

Build your reputation and relationships: You need a good defense and good advice.

Win-win agreements: Make it easier to go through you than to destroy you.

When in the middle of a deathmatch with a ruthless monster of a human being, being cynical is like having ESP. A jaded perspective can keep you one step ahead of them. But in the long term it can be toxic.

Don’t give up on all people just because you dealt with a really bad one.

Mother Nature has a sense of humor. On one hand you have psychopaths, who have zero empathy. On the other hand, there are people with Williams Syndrome. They have too much empathy. They trust everyone. They love everyone:

…kids and adults with Williams love people, and they are literally pathologically trusting. They have no social fear. Researchers theorize that this is probably because of a problem in their limbic system, the part of the brain that regulates emotion. There appears to be a disregulation in one of the chemicals (oxytocin) that signals when to trust and when to distrust. This means that it is essentially biologically impossible for kids like Isabelle to distrust.

Some people are too good, some too bad. And most of us are somewhere in the middle. Don’t let a bad experience with one person ruin the party.

From The Sociopath Next Door:

Do not allow someone without conscience, or even a string of such people, to convince you that humanity is a failure. Most human beings do possess conscience. Most human beings are able to love.

To have a happy life and a productive career, you may need to give up on particular people.

But that doesn’t mean you have to give up on people.